SAAFE forum

General Category => Blather and Babble => Topic started by: Fallingstar on 26 August 2009, 11:52:49 am

Title: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Fallingstar on 26 August 2009, 11:52:49 am
Ive had such a bizarre time with oddball clients this week that i think we need to start a sweepstakes for your most insane potential client booking scenarios.

My own entries for the week are.

1.Text received yesterday from a guy wanting a booking because my 'ample bum and thighs make me his ideal woman'  :o I feel i must point out that I'm a UK size 8 so I'm not quite sure whose ample assets he was looking at!!

2. Email received Monday from guy wanting a 2 hour outcall (it had to be an outcall because he couldn't leave his dogs alone apparently) He had ?150 to pay me (?80 short of what i charge for a 2 hour outcall) but he could offer me a lift from home and back to compensate for the shortfall as long as i 'don't mind a licking from a Labrador'

3. Phonecall on Sunday from a client i have already seen twice who up until this point seemed quite sane. Wanted to know if i could see him for an hour but 'give him a discount as the credit crunch has bitten him hard'. When i politely told him i don't offer discounts he told me i hadn't seemed the 'type' of girl who would quibble for the sake of ?20 :o

So please please share your own tall tales with me guys,help me to feel I'm not the only one dealing with this insanity.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 26 August 2009, 03:28:56 pm
I don't get too many oddballs - either I don't advertise very well, or my site is incredibly off-putting, lol - could easily be both! Usually I just get 3-4 genuine queries a week which turn into actual bookings, plus a couple of nonsense emails/texts/calls that I just ignore so well that they don't even register on me brain.

But one guy that I can remember recently was a little odd. He sent me loooong emails about himself, his circumstances, his reason for wanting to punt for the first time, his wife... etc. He did ask in the first email about a specific time and date for a booking, so I accepted that and ignored the rest (honestly - the Punter's Etiquette Book should include something about how over-explaining your reasons for wanting to book an escort to the poor girl just makes her feel more uneasy! And it's completely unnecessary since it's really rather obvious why he wants to do it anyway). His emails (only 3 or 4 of them, not like 2,000 texts or anything) continued and he explained at length to me the feelings he was experiencing; first excitement, then concern, then guilt! 'Twas a regular soap opera. He ended up wanting to cancel the second half (bedroom half) of the booking and only take me for lunch, at half normal rate.

I'm sure others'll think I'm weird for this but I've said it before and it's true for me, I don't really like going out and 'dating' clients for hours, for various reasons. So I told him one of the reasons, which was that I didn't have time for lunch out that day, and declined the booking, and he never did reply. I'm not annoyed but am definitely a bit curious about it all! Either he was spinning a loooong complicated yarn, or he was just very open and a little vulnerable? Either way, definitely best he doesn't see me as I don't offer a Full Emotional Support For Everything That's Going Wrong In Your Life package! A sympathetic ear, yes, but honestly, I'm not qualified to treat anything serious and who's going to listen to advice from a WG sitting around in her pants?! Even though my advice is usually EXCELLENT, lol. ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: brandy@saafe on 26 August 2009, 04:55:36 pm
.........as long as i 'don't mind a licking from a Labrador'

Pmsl.... :D. That's hilarious.

When i politely told him i don't offer discounts he told me i hadn't seemed the 'type' of girl who would quibble for the sake of ?20 :o

Bloody cheek. You should've said "what sort of man quibbles for the sake of ?20." I swear people don't think we've got our own bills to pay.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 26 August 2009, 05:17:24 pm

Awww I got a text :)

( I don't accept texts from new people or unless previously agreed.) 

  Hi Eve  Just dropin u a msg to make meetin wit u, seen your profile on line and would love to meet u, bird jus dumped me and i'm free 4 fun if ur free babe let me know


Ok, so Eve, Evie...Almost the same name. though flipping between txtspk and actual real wurdz is a curious thing indeed, and the 'bird jus dumped me' line was a good touch :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 26 August 2009, 08:16:05 pm
Wanted to know if i could see him for an hour but 'give him a discount as the credit crunch has bitten him hard'.

If there is one thing you learn with having different characters, is that the same man hollering about a discount will turn around and hire someone again the very next week.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 26 August 2009, 08:34:01 pm
I received this one by text, wanting to know if I would give him a BJ for weed?

Guy called, and has been calling for weeks, wanting an appointment? Finally, made a booking, now I was getting texts and phone calls almost on the hour, then the idiot, asks if we can meet at the University, I say why, he wants to have sex in the on of the class rooms. I told him to fuck off.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 26 August 2009, 11:21:59 pm
I have had a number of weird texts, but this one is still top of the list for me and cracks me up everytime I think of it:

"I'm 16 and in desperate need of a free blowjob."


Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 26 August 2009, 11:23:23 pm
.........as long as i 'don't mind a licking from a Labrador'

Pmsl.... :D. That's hilarious.

PMSL too, but I would have said: "that would suit me fine, but the labrador licking incurs and extra charge of ?80."  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 27 August 2009, 08:40:19 am
I have had a number of weird texts, but this one is still top of the list for me and cracks me up everytime I think of it:

"I'm 16 and in desperate need of a free blowjob."


Lol! Really tugs at the heart-strings, that one. :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 27 August 2009, 03:23:43 pm


Lol! Really tugs at the heart-strings, that one. :P

I'm 25 and in desperate need of a free pair of Jimmy Choos.. Any takers??
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: KatieKurves on 27 August 2009, 08:10:52 pm
.........as long as i 'don't mind a licking from a Labrador'

Pmsl.... :D. That's hilarious.

PMSL too, but I would have said: "that would suit me fine, but the labrador licking incurs and extra charge of ?80."  ;D

 ;D ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: KatieKurves on 27 August 2009, 08:14:05 pm
I don't take bookings by text! This guy texted a couple of times so I told him to call me for an an appointment. Got about 8 texts straight after one another, I replied CALL ME FOR AN APPOINTMENT!!!!! I can't I'm driving!!!

Or the ones who ask for an OAP discount!!

It really makes you think sometimes dusn't it.  ::)

xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: pandora on 29 August 2009, 09:21:06 pm
My personal fave was a text from one of my younger regulars who had recently lost his job.

"I don't have any money so can I just come round and wank in front of you?"

Followed by, (after I did not reply)

"If not, do you have any friends that would like me to stop by and wank?"


Another one I received when on cam was "can you do a quickie for a fiver?" - Obviuosly not! The reply was "I will go and book a tranny then"

Joy!

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Carla on 29 August 2009, 09:46:46 pm
"If not, do you have any friends that would like me to stop by and wank?"

Send him in my direction- I"ll need something to watch once big brother is over for another year.

One of my most memorable was a lovely request from a gentleman to meet as friends, where I would be pleasured by this obviously very selfless man whose main priority was to give me a good time. How thoughtful of him:

"I'd be more into pleasurin u then anything. U work 2 hard and should be treated special and that's what I'd do 4 u."

followed quickly by:

"I'm hopin we can meet up at a friend level where ur not "workin" it'll make the sex so much more passionate. I'm sure u don't get that much. U should give me a discount seein as I'm more focused in givin u pleasure more then anything else ;)"

After being ignored:

"Uve neva given a discount or had sex 4 free?"

and about three hours later:

"I was just askin werent implyin nuffin I'm def willin 2 spend money on u who wouldn't ur an absolute knock out"

I kept them all because the whole conversation still makes me laugh like a drain. Berk.

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 30 August 2009, 03:54:23 pm
All this technology has a lot to answer for, now instead of giving idiots a cooling off period, they can spread all their silliness all over the place, and sometimes for free. OI VEY!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 30 August 2009, 06:02:15 pm
Whilst at my working flat we had a quiet week. So advertised a 15min quickie....

Him- You do a 15min quickie and a 2 girl?
Me-Yes, which would you like?
Him-2Girl for 15mins
Me-2Girl is minimum 30 mins
Him- but I only want tossing off!
Me- Its X? for that
Him- Awwwww it says on your profile X? for 15 mins
Me-Is that what you want?
Him- Yes
Me- Oh sorry I misunderstood. Perhaps you intended to neck a bottle of vodka prior to your appointment, so you could see two of me?
Him-Huh?
Me- In that case I shall be both girls and toss you off for X?
Him - Click!


Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Fallingstar on 30 August 2009, 06:11:42 pm
2 girls for 15 minutes,boy ain't someone the last of the big spenders? ;D

I love it when clients ring me and want duo appointments at the last minute. I had one guy ring me at 3pm last week wanting a booking at 3.30pm with me and another girl,he was astonished when i said i couldn't organise a duo at such short notice. He clearly thought i had female friends living in the wardrobe ready to be brought out at a moments notice.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 31 August 2009, 05:20:16 am
Here's one from last week.

Him: So you offer extras in your services, what are those extras?
Me: I dont go into details about it, but you can just tell me what it is specifically you want
Him: (rambles on, says nothing about what he wants, probably doesnt know)
Me: Like I said, I do offer extras but I wont go into details of it over the phone. What time do you have in mind?
him: In about 30 minutes to an hour.
Me: Ok, whats the address?
Him: Well, I have to think about it some more
Me: Think about what? Look, at this point you clearly have no idea what you want. If you cant let me know what it is you want, dont call me unless you have it figured out.

Oil-slick bastard. Trying to trick me into talking dirty over the phone.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 31 August 2009, 07:50:15 pm
Heres another one...this time, an email. Its why Im about to stop answering them on a particular site.

Me: Hi,
 
I recieved an email reponse from you to my ad JoeyBryant on men4rent. Here's the link to my ad http://www.men4rentnow.com/ds/index.asp?cmd=view&id=215836&Login=JoeyBryant214
 
What are you interested in?

him: (the next morning) Thanks for the reply, but its not going to work this time.


Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Carla on 01 September 2009, 05:59:17 pm
To my inbox today:

"Hi I am {name} for sex"

If anyone can work out a) what he means and b) what sort of reply he was expecting then you win......AN OVERNIGHT WITH HIM!! Woooooooh!




Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 01 September 2009, 06:03:43 pm
I have the answer to that one! Had a similar email myself. The enquiry was as to weather there was a charge for my services or if I met up with random men purely for my own entertainment. hmmmmmmmm........
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 01 September 2009, 07:19:14 pm
If anyone can work out a) what he means and b) what sort of reply he was expecting then you win......AN OVERNIGHT WITH HIM!! Woooooooh!

LOL!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 02 September 2009, 03:24:55 pm
Hahaha! Here we go:


-----------------------------------
I'm potentially interested in an overnighter with your lovely self tomorrow evening. It would be in central london in a top hotel, the swankier the better! :)

The night would involve drinks out in London followed by some cheeky fun back at the hotel. I feel like treating myself for my birthday - so you can expect a top evening :)

Just wondering what the best rate you could do for an eve like this? I was looking for someone around the ?400 mark, I know that could well be a stretch! I'm not a timewaster etc. I've paid ?400 for the past overnighters I've had, hence me quoting that figure.

Also, do you have any clearer pics you could send me?
 Also, just double checking, are you an English lass?
[/b]
------------------


Wow... Hear that? I can expect less than half my rate and a top evening all at the same time! You are all SO super jealous of me:)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 02 September 2009, 03:47:28 pm
Maybe the poor dear's just coming across badly, but is he telling you his hotel preferences because he expects you to book something suitably swanky?

(I had an email request once where points a-c were about accompanying someone to London and being a fake girlfriend for show, and point d was, "get me home to Brighton safely by 11.45pm, unless it's a 5 star hotel alternative". It was quite baffling and I couldn't compose myself enough to respond until after the deadline.)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: brandy@saafe on 02 September 2009, 04:04:57 pm
Hahaha! Here we go:


-----------------------------------
I'm potentially interested in an overnighter with your lovely self tomorrow evening. It would be in central london in a top hotel, the swankier the better! :)

The night would involve drinks out in London followed by some cheeky fun back at the hotel. I feel like treating myself for my birthday - so you can expect a top evening :)

Just wondering what the best rate you could do for an eve like this? I was looking for someone around the ?400 mark, I know that could well be a stretch! I'm not a timewaster etc. I've paid ?400 for the past overnighters I've had, hence me quoting that figure.

Also, do you have any clearer pics you could send me?
 Also, just double checking, are you an English lass?
[/b]
------------------


Wow... Hear that? I can expect less than half my rate and a top evening all at the same time! You are all SO super jealous of me:)


An oxymoron surely. A top rate evening at ?400. And you have some gorgeous pictures on your website, what more does he need to see?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 02 September 2009, 06:27:51 pm
Sounds like he wants face pics and a bunch of free time with you. ::) Again, I reckon this might be one of the guys who really confuses escorting with dating?! And doesn't understand that the rates are what they are because the sex is 100% guaranteed awesomeness. I'm pretty sure these guys are prowling around Match.com and Adultfriendfinder as well as escort sites and getting themselves in a right tizzy!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 02 September 2009, 10:53:35 pm
Sounds like he wants face pics and a bunch of free time with you. ::) Again, I reckon this might be one of the guys who really confuses escorting with dating?! And doesn't understand that the rates are what they are because the sex is 100% guaranteed awesomeness. I'm pretty sure these guys are prowling around Match.com and Adultfriendfinder as well as escort sites and getting themselves in a right tizzy!

Or rather someone who thinks I'll take a much lower fee because he is offering me a night in a fancy-pants hotel room shared by a young stud. (bit I edited out he says he's 26)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 02 September 2009, 11:37:30 pm
I would be quite tempted if the hotel had a health spa type place and I had a good book.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 03 September 2009, 07:07:16 am
Since I put my first ever Viva street ad up, I've been getting stupid texts! ;D

Only two so far and sadly they are getting less funny and more stupid. But the first one was good!

"Hi emily im *****. ive seen ur ad. ur stunning. if i was food id want u to eat me"

Oh no wait, the second one was funny at the end. "[txtspk blah]want2 meet up?i'm inexperienced!feminine guy!x x x"

Wot?!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Fallingstar on 03 September 2009, 09:15:21 am
Since I put my first ever Viva street ad up, I've been getting stupid texts! ;D

Only two so far and sadly they are getting less funny and more stupid. But the first one was good!

"Hi emily im *****. ive seen ur ad. ur stunning. if i was food id want u to eat me"

Oh no wait, the second one was funny at the end. "[txtspk blah]want2 meet up?i'm inexperienced!feminine guy!x x x"

Wot?!

I will have your second one Emily,got a thing for girlie guys.

If its vivastreet we are talking about how about this text i got yesterday
'I am a businessman who loves to dress in women's underwear,i would love to meet up with you and wear your knickers. I have some pictures i can send you of me in women's underwear to help you make up your mind'

eh???

Or the phonecall i had yesterday with guy looking for an outcall home booking. I explained i would need his FULL address inc postcode,tel number and FULL name for my security checks or i would not be able to honour the booking. So he sends me a text after the phonecall with first line of his address (no postcode) and his first name with no surname and a note saying 'please don't ring my house or my family might answer'.
I haven't even replied yet,i am in such despair with the idiots at the moment that words have literally failed me.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 03 September 2009, 03:28:00 pm
I am sorry Colette, but it does get better, or your sense of humor does improve.  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: ~Amber~ on 03 September 2009, 07:41:03 pm
I thought I was doing so well this week with the odd emails but then I get this......


hi i have never met an escort before and am really shy - for the first time just wanted to meet for ten mins and lick ur ass and pussy and may be drink ur pee x

how much will this cost with and without the pee x

may after that i will be more comfortable for a longer meet x

Thats a lot to fit into 10 minutes. Doesn't seem that shy to me......just a chancer.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 03 September 2009, 08:58:14 pm
Amber, breathe hon! it does become funnier as the years go by. Kiss
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: ~Amber~ on 03 September 2009, 09:14:29 pm
Lol sorry just re read my post and the tone was a bit off. I actually spat my coffee over my cat laughing when I read it.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 04 September 2009, 01:16:32 am


how much will this cost with and without the pee x


Hahaha :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Fallingstar on 04 September 2009, 09:41:38 am
Well im currently charging a tenner a cup for mine ;D a bargain i believe.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 04 September 2009, 11:26:52 am
Well there's a sign of the economic times. Last time I sold a bottle it was ?20.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: The Courtesan on 04 September 2009, 01:54:21 pm
Not quite a "how not to book an escort....." but one (younger) client of mine asked if I needed a f-buddy, couldn't help but laugh in his face  :D - he just didn't get understand what was so funny -  :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: brandy@saafe on 04 September 2009, 04:31:18 pm
Not quite a "how not to book an escort....." but one (younger) client of mine asked if I needed a f-buddy, couldn't help but laugh in his face  :D - he just didn't get understand what was so funny -  :)


Yeah...because yet another willy is just what we need.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 05 September 2009, 02:06:11 am
Yeah...because yet another willy is just what we need.

LOL, I could use another Willy because Im tired of seeing Ass all the time. And Willy can bring Harry and Dick along with him  :D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 05 September 2009, 02:09:31 am
i am in such despair with the idiots at the moment that words have literally failed me.

Thats when I start speaking French  >:(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: ~Amber~ on 05 September 2009, 02:45:45 pm
Ok...well...ummm....

Recieved this one today....

Well hey Amber,

I hope your having a nice weekend. I just came across your profile - you seem really genuine and nice. Your pretty new here right? Are you new to escorting too? My ex did escorting and loved it - so hope you get lots of nice fit guys soon :-).

I'm 27, white, english and from Surrey. I'm a really genuine, decent and down to earth guy. I have a good sense of humour and love to laugh. I'm very laid back, non judgemental and open minded. I like to see my girlfriend with other men, it's a big turn on :-).

Have a look at my profile on here, I got some pics and info about me. http://www.adultwork.com/stevesmalls

I only date escorts, hence looking around on the site. I'm looking to meet someone who's cool, down to earth, fun and decent who would like a long term relationship. My last 3 ex girlfriends were escorts and I found the relationships so much better. They were so much more open minded, upfront, honest and caring - not to mention non judgmental and happy in their lives as they didn't have to lie about anything or have secrets, absolutely everything was out in the open. I got fed up dating girls from everyday life / situations, 97% of them were either boring, narrow minded, ignorant, arrogant, extremely judgmental and didn't understand or appreciate my sexual likes and felt that I couldn't be open with them about it as I was made to feel silly. The only no no for me is playing with other women - I am not interested in that. I want the attention to be on my partner and for her to play - not me. I love seeing my partner with other guys - the more the better - it's my ULTIMATE turn on.

I hope you don't mind the message. I'm sure you get sick and tired of guys messaging you, most just wanting freebies, chats, cam sessions or offering to be your photographer / driver or claiming to be the biggest stud in the world :-). My ex said she got all of that through Adultwork and it drove her made, which I can appreciate.

I'll tell you a bit about me... I'm 2* and live in S******. I would say I'm extremely genuine and loyal, a decent guy. I like affection and have a kind, loving, caring, nature. I'm very bubbly, love to have a laugh - have a good sense of humor and like to make people happy. I work full time in London as a I.T Director and in my spare time enjoy spending time with my partner (when I'm not single), going out with friends, having fun etc.

Maybe we could talk sometime, like I say - I don't want anything more than just to get to know you. If you don't want to talk it's cool, I understand. Take care and good luck with everything - my contact details are below if you would like to drop me a line :-).


Insight please!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: lauralashes on 05 September 2009, 04:45:26 pm
Sounds like a nutcase/timewaster! Sorry!

I don't understand why guys have to tell us their life story!

I like the line....
I hope you don't mind the message. I'm sure you get sick and tired of guys messaging you, most just wanting freebies, chats, cam sessions or offering to be your photographer / driver or claiming to be the biggest stud in the world :-). My ex said she got all of that through Adultwork and it drove her made, which I can appreciate.

....  no s--t sherlock, yet he still woffled on!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: ~Amber~ on 05 September 2009, 05:02:05 pm
I just read it and was like WTF! He even has a profile on adultwork which i read and some of the details were inconsistant. Gave me a bad feeling no end
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 05 September 2009, 06:16:25 pm
he sounds like a guy who'd tell you everything he thinks you'd want to hear. Form mail more or less...and if it came on the first email, even more reason to move on
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 05 September 2009, 06:47:02 pm
Hit DELETE!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 05 September 2009, 07:14:45 pm
Its subjective I suppose as to how you take it/whos said it. I always say things like you cant go wrong with a short skirt and high heels. However ive never heard my boyfriend say that!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: ~Amber~ on 05 September 2009, 09:06:55 pm
Jesus people have more faith I wasnt considering a whirlwind romance!!!!  :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 05 September 2009, 09:23:08 pm
Ach girl, you had me worried there for a moment. I thought I was hearing bells in the distance.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: ~Amber~ on 06 September 2009, 12:32:14 am
Chances of me ever getting wed are slim to none! I am like a man when it comes to commitment.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 06 September 2009, 12:40:36 am
Chances of me ever getting wed are slim to none! I am like a man when it comes to commitment.

does that mean you run as soon as you get what you want?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: ~Amber~ on 06 September 2009, 03:17:49 am
Sorry but pretty much yeah. Don't see the point in trying to do monogamy
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 06 September 2009, 06:11:42 am
I second that, I have tried it just doesn't work for me. I mean monogamy is nice in theory, but we WGs know how  it doesn't work in practice. And all I can say for that is THANK GOD! If all my married clients became monogamous over night I would have to go to the 'darkside' like Amber.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: ~Amber~ on 06 September 2009, 02:37:17 pm
If you ever go to the dark side I will know the world is about to end. Talking of which I have my first day tomorrow. I shall pass my regards on to vadar. (I am starting to sound like a geek now aint i?)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 06 September 2009, 05:10:01 pm
If you ever go to the dark side I will know the world is about to end. Talking of which I have my first day tomorrow. I shall pass my regards on to vadar. (I am starting to sound like a geek now aint i?)

Yup you are, and good luck tomorrow, we want details please.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: ~Amber~ on 07 September 2009, 03:18:15 am
You can tell I am nervous 3:17am and I am AWAKE!! fuck, bollocks, arse, tit
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Fallingstar on 08 September 2009, 10:07:41 am
You can tell I am nervous 3:17am and I am AWAKE!! fuck, bollocks, arse, tit

So how did the first day go Amber? we need details. Hope it was all good for you?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: ~Amber~ on 08 September 2009, 08:01:48 pm
Its actually gone really well but I have proved myself smarter then I looked and now have the problem of waiting for my next part of my training. Suits me down to the ground. Boss is lovely, collegues are cool and the money is ok. Apart from not sleeping its all going smoothly and I even have a client this evening (if he turns up that is - issues of re-inventing and the possibility of the idiots u missed last time, timewasting you this time because they think you are new)

I feel a lot more chilled out about everything. I know how much money I am going to get at the end of the month so I know my budget exactly. I set myself targets for what I want to get with my escorting money so I still work hard in that too. I dont want to let my dedication to escorting slip so I think it is important to set myself these goals.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 10 September 2009, 02:29:07 pm
(I am starting to sound like a geek now aint i?)

Ain't a thing wrong with a little geek love! Glad you feel more chilled/relaxed with it all xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 10 September 2009, 03:06:30 pm
Glad to hear it is all going well.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 10 September 2009, 11:19:16 pm
See, this is why some people get cursed out...

Haent gotten a call in a few days, so I get a bit rusty. I let my guard down a bit. And along comes some chap calling me inquiring if I could do a 3-way with his friend who is 9x7 thick and that his cock is too big for him to take. He goes onto ask if I can handle such a big one and if I'd be willing to 'swallow'. Before I could even emit a reply he hangs up on me....Whats even worse is I didnt realize it was a private number, my phone listed it as being 'Call #1, what the hell is that? I wouldnt of answered it in the first place

People like that just irritate me  >:(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: ~Amber~ on 11 September 2009, 12:17:08 am
Had one today which the guys opening line was 'who is this?' well you damn well called it I aint telling you
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Fallingstar on 11 September 2009, 08:20:55 am
Had one today which the guys opening line was 'who is this?' well you damn well called it I aint telling you

Ha ha,who precisely was he expecting it to be?

Its not just the men who can be dodgepots though,the ladies appear to be getting in on the act as well. I had an email via AW a few days ago from a girl professing to be 'new to all this' and wanting to book a duo appointment for her and her boyfriend. Tone of the mail was very 'newbie' sounding but when  checked her profile out it turned out the same girl was an experienced escort with other 80 AW feedbacks. The same girl had actually mailed me 6 months ago with the same question but as her escort persona (i have a good memory) She also had another alias pretending to be a man and another one pretending to be a brand new escort. I emailed her back saying that she had alias,appeared to actually be an escort herself and that she had contacted me before. Her reply was that she had created an alias because the duo was going to be a suprise for her boyfriend and she didnt want him to find out.

Now if anyone else can work out if that answer makes any sense your a better woman than me!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 11 September 2009, 09:33:07 am
I had had it yesterday. The usual text, starts off something like this:
Idiot: "Hey are you in Waterford?"-Fair enough I do move around a fair bit.
Me: "I will be available around 2 pm. Thanks"-Hotel check in and all
Idiot: "How much is it  hun?" -Can happen, they are looking up on their phones.
Me: "150 half hour 250 an hour"
Idiot: "Wat service's you do hun. X"
Me: Look I am not about to to get into sexting with you. Same place you got my number is the same place you will see my services. And if you got my number from a friend ask him for details!"
He didn't reply :D! haha

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Fallingstar on 11 September 2009, 09:40:47 am
I had had it yesterday. The usual text, starts off something like this:
Idiot: "Hey are you in Waterford?"-Fair enough I do move around a fair bit.
Me: "I will be available around 2 pm. Thanks"-Hotel check in and all
Idiot: "How much is it  hun?" -Can happen, they are looking up on their phones.
Me: "150 half hour 250 an hour"
Idiot: "Wat service's you do hun. X"
Me: Look I am not about to to get into sexting with you. Same place you got my number is the same place you will see my services. And if you got my number from a friend ask him for details!"
He didn't reply :D! haha

I love the old 'i got your number off a friend' line,not quite as much as the 'I cant remember where i got your number from' classic though.
I mean thats some severe short term memory loss if you cant even remember where you picked my number up from ;D
Had a good one yesterday from a client who rang and asked 'are you good looking?' I replied that he clearly must think i looked good otherwise he wouldnt have seen my website and then rang me. He just went quiet for a second and then said 'fair point' ;D

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 11 September 2009, 08:25:26 pm
Idiot: "How much is it  hun?" -Can happen, they are looking up on their phones.
Me: "150 half hour 250 an hour"

One time, someone texted me a question similar to that after claiming to see my ad on a website. I told him to look at my ad as the price is there. Then I said, "repeat to me the price which is on my ad"...He did book though. But still, it can irritate me a bit.

And the 'what are you services'...sometimes it doesnt even bother asking, "what is it that you like" because just by them asking what services automatically lets you know they are full of it. Obviously you called me, horny and such. You should be telling me...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 17 September 2009, 01:02:43 am


 Hahaha- Genius text I just got (1 am)

  'Would you do 100? 1 hour outcll Hmpsted north london right now?'

The opportunity to go to a strangers home in the middle of the night with no clue whatsoever who thinks it appropriate to text at this hour... for less than 1/2 my fee??

 I AM SO THERE


(not!)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 17 September 2009, 06:48:31 am
Son of A bitch!

For now on Im saving numbers on both phones instead of doing only 1. Just as I was about to save an idiots number onto my other phone, it showed up as 'waster' already. Had I known that I would have called him from my other phone while he was on the phone with me and embarrassed him.

Im getting tired of talking about what I wish I did, Im just going to start doing it.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 17 September 2009, 10:21:07 am
My morning text was sent at 2.33am. It simply said, "Wanna make luv x"
Damn I missed it, im rubbish at customer service arent I?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 17 September 2009, 10:56:45 am
My morning text was sent at 2.33am. It simply said, "Wanna make luv x"
Damn I missed it, im rubbish at customer service arent I?

Yes you are, You should have been awake like a shot for that opportunity :) tsk tsk!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 17 September 2009, 11:39:49 am
It simply said, "Wanna make luv x"

Oh, how sultry and romantic! I'm picturing rose petals and champagne, silk and a luxurious canopy bed...

Yeah. You must be kicking yourself for missing out on that totally accurate scenario ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 17 September 2009, 02:57:09 pm
Im picturing a wino, ahem, I mean client stumbling home from the club carrying a kebab. Every girls dream. ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lucymay on 17 September 2009, 04:01:32 pm
My morning text was sent at 2.33am. It simply said, "Wanna make luv x"
Damn I missed it, im rubbish at customer service arent I?

I've had that one!!!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 18 September 2009, 06:21:18 am
Oh, how sultry and romantic! I'm picturing rose petals and champagne, silk and a luxurious canopy bed...

Yeah. You must be kicking yourself for missing out on that totally accurate scenario ;)

LOL...I need to take note of you all's sense of humor on these things. I just burst into laughter reading this
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 19 September 2009, 11:00:16 am
My latest:
Client: "Hi, Things are really tight. Can I give u oral and u give me handjob for fifteen minutes for 60 today. And i promise i meet u now shortly. And i will give u business in future at going rate"
Violette: "Spare me. The answer is no. Keep your 60 euros. Good bye.
Client: "Ok 100 for twenty minutes. And i give u oral included. Ya?"

I couldn't bother to respond. :-\
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 19 September 2009, 11:19:20 am
This mornings text was "U like big fat cocks?" I think he has a short term memory problem as he sent it 3 times. Oh and "Whats ya postcode?"guy has been back in touch.Oh the joy!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 14 October 2009, 02:04:28 pm
Hahaha, AW email:

 "Hello,

I would like to attract your attention to my reverse booking because I like your profil. Please let me know if you are interested.

Reverse Booking Overnight 400?
I will be in London this week end, I would like to spend an evening and possibly the night with a nice young girl. After meeting at an appropriate place, we can go out for a drink or a meal and get to know each other better before going back to my Hotel. I can offer 300? to 400? for the night + outing expenses of coarse. Let me know if you are interested and we can start working out the details.'


Jealous of my awesome offer of about 1/3 of my usual rate? Maybe he'll let me bring a friend  :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 14 October 2009, 02:59:57 pm
Haha, dont you mean bring a friend instead?! Still at least you know hes being serious, if he were a TW he would have offered double your rate. ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 14 October 2009, 03:04:31 pm
Haha, dont you mean bring a friend instead?!

 No I mean then she and I could split the 300 and he'd get an overnight with two, while we're being generous, seeing as he is a serious prospect and all ;)

I edited out the rest of his message which was all about how totally amazing he is at licking pussy  :D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: amy on 14 October 2009, 04:06:31 pm
I got this gem the other teatime (and I suspect I'm not the only one):

"hi,

I would like to book you in paris for a full weekend. how much would you like?

i expect from you to do : anal sex, CIM, CIF, COB, 69, oral without... and i have also a dirty fantasy i would like to try...
I would like to see you shit and pee in an empty bathub and we will make love in your own shit.

Tell me if interested. Of course we would stay in some safe hotel inside paris like Marriott, Hyatt or hotels like this.

Tell me,

Kisses"

Despite it's unusually lyrical tone, it fair put me off me crumble ;D. Good old AW.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 15 October 2009, 03:32:53 am
Just had a text:
Wana suk my hug blak dong? xxx

I'm so tempted to reply with: Only if you have a ding to go with it.  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Ruby on 15 October 2009, 01:32:12 pm

Got this email today, what a corker! You always know what a booking is going to be like when they ask 'how many times can I cum' to which I always reply, 'only you know that - it's mother nature.'

Hello,
I would like to make a booking for 1 hour, this is all new to me I 
just wanna have some fun before  my big day, just  want to have lots 
of sex, from what I have been Reading on the most girls let you cum 
once, it that the rule ?? I just want to have a good time before my 
big day.
 
Please email back asap
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 15 October 2009, 09:05:47 pm
Big day?! I assume his birthday. Or maybe once a year he just has a Really Big Day, during which he cums twice. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lucymay on 19 October 2009, 09:01:20 am
Got this email

hi hun, are u free next week (mon/tues) for a 1/2 hr incall ? is bareback/unprotected sex ok if I pull out before I cum.

until we meet

mwah x
rob
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 20 October 2009, 01:46:35 am
Got this one yesterday about 3am

I'm not calling you hun, because I know you will be sleeping and I don't want to disturb you. Please can you come for an outcall at 9:30am. Call me back. Thanks hun, N.

Well when did he expect me to reply to this booking as my call hours are 10am-10pm? (not someone I've seen before btw)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Carissa on 21 October 2009, 11:51:02 pm
Hahaha, AW email:

 "Hello,

I would like to attract your attention to my reverse booking because I like your profil. Please let me know if you are interested.

Jealous of my awesome offer of about 1/3 of my usual rate? Maybe he'll let me bring a friend  :)


lol i got that one too - i wrote back saying not a chance in hell mate.... he then replied asking if I were sure!!!!!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 22 October 2009, 03:03:42 am
Hahaha, AW email:

 "Hello,

I would like to attract your attention to my reverse booking because I like your profil. Please let me know if you are interested.

Jealous of my awesome offer of about 1/3 of my usual rate? Maybe he'll let me bring a friend  :)


lol i got that one too - i wrote back saying not a chance in hell mate.... he then replied asking if I were sure!!!!!

Awwww, here I thought I was just special, Dang it! :D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Fallingstar on 22 October 2009, 08:39:42 am
Awww come on now ladies you could have missed out on a free breakfast by turning those amazing offers and who amongst us doesn't want to eat stale croissants and drink over brewed coffee with a stranger of the morning? ;D

Phonecall yesterday
He:I'm looking for an outcall to my home tonight,whats your rate for an hour?
Me: Its ?130 for the first hour if you live within 15 miles of my address.
He: (Long long pause) ermmm ?130 seems a bit steep,would you do it for ?115 if i provide a bottle of wine and make you a cup of tea whilst your here?

 :o :o :o
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 22 October 2009, 10:16:43 am
::)

Did you offer him ?120 with a bottle of wine and a cup of coffee?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 22 October 2009, 05:43:24 pm
No ta love, I can run round the offy/bribe one of the kids to put the kettle on, now if you had a pack of hobnobs things might be different...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: strawberry on 23 October 2009, 01:28:27 am
Collette, I have had the same.............?125 for your outcall to a local hotel. Right, well I do tend to only ask for incall or a compromise for localish hotels but that was 1am!!!and I know that walking into that local hotel at that time would attract some attention. So a higher fee or not at all required.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: dollymopp on 23 October 2009, 02:56:12 am
My all time fave,
'I'm a crazy boob licker!' he mails
I said, 'Sorry, I haven't got crazy boobs'..
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 23 October 2009, 08:35:07 am
My all time fave,
'I'm a crazy boob licker!' he mails
I said, 'Sorry, I haven't got crazy boobs'..

I want to frame this ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 24 October 2009, 02:00:44 am
Him: Hi, are you available for a massage tonight?  
Me: Yes, Im staying on (Fill in Blank). what time do you have in mind?
Him: Hotel? At 7  
Me: (Mind you, its already 6:15 pm) Its the ___ hotel. But Im going to need until 730, is that okay with you?
Him: Sorry I know I didnt give you notice, but my time is tight. Enjoy Chicago!
Me: Well I dont see how you expected to get a massage at 7 if you were so short on time. Please dont waste mine!


Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 24 October 2009, 03:55:22 am
Hmmmmmm.....Im pretty sure some people do this on purpose. Book you knowing full well its too late for you to even pause to grab your jacket. I get this with Adultwork cam shows a lot, can you do a show like 10 minutes ago? Sure just let me go and make sure I dont get a ticket on my time machine parked outside... ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 25 October 2009, 11:33:53 pm
The Ultimate Timewasting call!

Can you believe this dummy calls me asking me to call up his wife and talk dirty to her for him because they are having a bachelor party...fuck I couldnt even recall why he wanted me to do it thats how ridiculous it sounded. Then he says to not mention his name. Do I have stupid written across my fucking advertisement?

I cursed his ass out!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 27 October 2009, 10:30:23 am
First a I get a PM asking me if I can recommend some fun for this guy and his GF as they are coming to the Dam. I reply, and phone calls(which I don't answer, as I am roaming), then I start getting text messages, which I give Dutch number to. Ok, so he starts with this, that, and the other, then to make a long story short, he isn't really sure if his GF really wants a threesome! He as to discuss it with her. I was like look, just call back when you know the details. Knowing full well this idiot is a bleeping TW, who will call internationally to play games! Oh I get a text a few days later, saying he was in the Dam and his GF didn't want a threesome! Surprise!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 27 October 2009, 10:13:29 pm
Vio, Im starting to find the ridiculous timewasters a bit fun...especially when they are able to work up the nerve to pick up the phone and call me. Many of them hide behind text and emails.

When they call me with something stupid and ridiculous as if Im some type of new fuck on the block, I just go off on them. Or I may just 'find the hole' in their story and be very sarcastic...a bit more fun than getting my blood pressure up LOL.  I wish I could witness them tucking their tails between the legs  :D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 28 October 2009, 10:26:51 am
TW phoned me to book an appointment. Then texts me within 5 minutes to beg for free phonesex! I reminded him of our appointment in a couple of hours. His excuse? "Oh go on, please."
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 28 October 2009, 11:36:52 am
As to having a bit of fun with them, I too have been devilishly wicked, and sometimes I will give them a great deal of leash just to snap it back. On guy was txting me away, and when I told him, he needs to call for info, he texts back and says he is driving and can't talk. I forwarded his message back to him, and texted: "If I sent you this message, would you believe me?" I didn't hear from him anymore.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Welsh Lass on 28 October 2009, 11:41:58 am
Email this morning:

'I want sex. I have no money but I do have a laptop with windows 7 on it - you know - the new one. You can have it for sex.'

Ohhh, I am on my way over Sir, I will do ANYTHING  for WINDOWS 7!!!!!!!

Haaaaaaaa!
Twit.
x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 28 October 2009, 05:51:45 pm
Now if he had said it was the new Apple mac book pro 13"aluminum(still in box with warranty), or the Mac book Air, then he was working with some impressive equipment, Windows 7, not if my life depended on it.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 28 October 2009, 06:18:37 pm
'I want sex. I have no money but I do have a laptop with windows 7 on it - you know - the new one. You can have it for sex.'

I'm actually really hoping this guy was for real. Then it's even more funny. Men!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 29 October 2009, 01:15:19 am
Colette, I think your mission has been completed in this thread LOL...What an oasis you have created here. At what point are we going to narrow it all down and see who's had the most outrageous timewaster?

On guy was txting me away, and when I told him, he needs to call for info, he texts back and says he is driving and can't talk. I forwarded his message back to him, and texted: "If I sent you this message, would you believe me?" I didn't hear from him anymore.

At first I didnt understand the scene, but then I read it again...how stupid! He's driving while texting and initiated the texts...Wouldnt talking be safer than sex? Boingo....

Windows 7, not if my life depended on it.

 >:( Leave us alone, Im still working with Vista :D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Welsh Lass on 30 October 2009, 09:28:08 am
Vista? Not around here Joey! I have one of the last high spec Dell's they made with regular old Windows XP/office/whatever you darn well call it, on it and I would not swap it, not for anything!
My friend has Vista and you want to hear her moan about it! Flip.
x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Fallingstar on 30 October 2009, 09:38:40 am
I think its safe to say that Joey is right and this thread has well and truly given us all a place to rant. I think Ive now amassed enough examples to put into the upcoming book I'm secretly writing about you all ;)

Email on AW for me this morning.
'I am a professional 32 year old man with a (not that unusual i think) fetish of loving to fondle beautiful women's worn underwear. I was wondering if i could acquire a pair of your used knickers? I would of course be happy to reimburse you the cost of them. I was wondering if you had a spare 5 minutes tomorrow where i can pop round to your incall place and purchase a pair from you?' I will pay you for your time used if required'

So basically you want to pop round to my flat,get an eyeful of what i look like,speak to me and find out my address. But you can do it all on the cheap under the ruse of just wanting a pair of knickers so therefore avoiding paying my going rate for a booking?

Or maybye I'm being cynical and i should flog him my George at Asda knickers for ?80 under the guise of them being Agent Provocateur ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Carla on 30 October 2009, 10:39:23 am
'I want sex. I have no money but I do have a laptop with windows 7 on it - you know - the new one. You can have it for sex.'
it.

Hahahahaha HA!!! OH MY GODDDDDDD! Crying here!

So I took my site down about two weeks ago, and immediately received a flurry of emails (was curious and checked my email account) begging or negotiating for one last shag from people who had written literally a year ago, and when I had initially replied, they had just ignored my request for them to call me.

Oh, you want me to reply now you know I am not working? And you are going to book an appointment for real are you, yes? Not just trying to see if you have the sexual prowess to make a non-working escort start working again, are you? ARGH!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 30 October 2009, 12:30:45 pm
Not crying as heard it all before. But must admit spat my tea out!  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 31 October 2009, 07:17:43 am
Not crying as heard it all before. But must admit spat my tea out!  ;D
I've stopped drinking tea, when reading the boards. Or eating chips/crisps, cookies/biscuits, it is just hazardous for my keyboards. ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 01 November 2009, 03:22:02 am
Vista? Not around here Joey! I have one of the last high spec Dell's they made with regular old Windows XP/office/whatever you darn well call it, on it and I would not swap it, not for anything!
My friend has Vista and you want to hear her moan about it! Flip.
x


Initially Vista was a pain when I first got it, but once I had worked out most of how it operates I love it and wouldn't go back.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 02 November 2009, 01:29:03 am
LOL!

Had a phone call Saturday evening, youngish guy, asking pretty valid questions, told him I couldn't see him tonight, then arghhh.
Him: How much is your over night fee?

Me:(Groan) ?900

Him: What if I give you ?1200 for a 1 hour shag?

Me: Sorry no - (Click)

 ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 02 November 2009, 01:36:27 am
Ha ha. Had a call a couple of days ago myself asking relavent questions then foiled his plan by asking if I enjoyed my job. He got a click off me too.  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Fallingstar on 13 November 2009, 09:00:19 am
Sorry to resurrect an older thread but i just cant help myself.

Im laid up in the house at the moment with bad dose of flu :( Ive left a message on my work phone (which is switched off) saying that i am currently ill and not taking any bookings. Considering my voice is that sore i sound like ive had a sex change i dont think anyone could question my sincerity.

So i checked my voicemails last night.
1st message-'Hi i know your ill but i wasent looking for a booking today,im planning to see you next week. I was just wanting to have a chat about what it is that booking an escort involves and what services you offer (groan). Im looking for a massage with HR and was wondering what the price would be for that (groan groan and double groan). Could you ring me back please as soon as you get this message'

Yes i would be delighted to ring you when im feeling like death to answer you inane questions you muppet!

2nd Message-'Hi im looking to make an appointment. Can you tell me when you will be better please?'

Certainly,i will just get my crystal ball out and check to see when i will be fighting fit again >:(

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: anonymoussw on 13 November 2009, 09:22:52 am
2nd Message-'Hi im looking to make an appointment. Can you tell me when you will be better please?'

LOL!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 13 November 2009, 09:50:58 am
Just priceless.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 13 November 2009, 03:05:42 pm
Today email from Adultwork.
"Hi,
I would like to start seeing somebody on a regular basis but there are not very many pics of you.
If you can give me the pin number for your private gallery it will help me decide."
x
Hmmmmmm. How about NO?!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 14 November 2009, 12:07:14 am
Got a text:

Hi, I know u said no text i am shy & a bit on the submisive side like being held by strong legs &thigs can u help mark.

Well since I don't relpy to texts - no!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 14 November 2009, 11:07:43 pm
My fav of the week, a text:

 Hi i am lookin 4 a 4 days booking if u can do it tex me and i'll call u i well pay u 8,000?  Patel xx


 I love that he put the little text comma in the 8000, so it would look all super official and serious :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xxxtinyxxx on 15 November 2009, 06:10:27 pm
Hello Everyone,

I recently had a text asking me "How much would you charge me to squat over your face and fart in your mouth?"
WTF!!!!

Love N' Hugz.

Mak.
xxxxxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 16 November 2009, 03:13:41 am
Hello Everyone,

I recently had a text asking me "How much would you charge me to squat over your face and fart in your mouth?"
WTF!!!!

oooo, no he didnt! I would of cursed his ass out. That is so disrespectful. And if he did it in person he'd be out the door
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 16 November 2009, 08:41:31 am
Hello Everyone,

I recently had a text asking me "How much would you charge me to squat over your face and fart in your mouth?"
WTF!!!!

Love N' Hugz.

Mak.
xxxxxx
I mean, how can this be a turn on?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: anonymoussw on 16 November 2009, 01:07:29 pm
I've had it happen to me by accident before, but nobody has ever requested it  :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 28 November 2009, 12:27:30 am
Haha, Who had this one today?   ;D Or is this one allll mine.  ???



 Allow me first to introduce myself.  My name is [redacted],  with a spirit I hope the earth cannot contain... Im fit and very well groomed, I enjoy taking care of myself, as much as I enjoy life and all the pleasures it can provide us..
 
My path crossed your website and was intrigued by all I read and saw... Your beauty surpasses my imagination...  Your creativity, uniqueness and femininity flowed off your pages with an eclectic attractiveness that left me only to view it again and again... Your deeply ravishing beauty coupled with a Mistress's intrigue perfected all I saw...  And left me with only want and desire of pleasurable moments with you...
 
Please allow me to be forward and in no way impolite... I would love the opportunity to be with you, discover you with all my senses and allow us to journey together into a blissful unknown... I would love to see you, feel you as pure and silky smooth as you can be... adorned with with the most beautiful pedicured nails... Your scent transcending me worlds away...You are not an object but a goddess I desire to worship... I dream of opening my eyes to you opening your door, wearing high heels with laced thigh high stockings, delicate black lingerie and a very sultry revealing silk robe... Your smile enchants me as you invite me in...
 
I am taken by the warmth of your presence and how it compliments all I thought of you... There a bowl of freshest of fruits and the sweetest of wines, you offer me a grape that I eat from you, with you, from within you... As we drink and laugh and eat together, licking the pieces and juices of fruit from our half naked bodies, we begin to gently kiss and caress until we find each others lips and kiss as deeply as 2 floating spirits find one another...
 
We then move to the bathroom and share a warm milk bath together, caressing and bathing each other, sharing more laughs and pleasures with every touch, your beauty would overwhelm me and would want you there and now, leaving the warmth of the water to guide and govern our sensual desires...
 
We are left to discover the intimacy of the bedroom... Where I would beg for you to massage by body...yet I would love to be massaged with your feet, touched and caressed all over with your beautiful delicate feet... Blindfolded I lie there addicted and infatuated with every touch and gentle penetration of your feet all over my naked body... I can only of course return the pleasure and will begin by worshiping all that touched me... For the divine beauty of women is what caresses my soul.. Your every gentle curve and every inviting crevice only ache me to fulfill you more... No more can be said, for a gentleman never speaks about what more is to become...  All I will say is that will respect all who you are and cherish your boundaries as you do mine..
 
Excuse the length and depth of this email but I want a beautiful time together.  All I write are mere suggestions, I will leave you to create our dream reality.. for its always delicisiouly invigorating when left for fate to decide and play with us...
 
I will be arriving to London on Tuesday and would love to see you Thursday 3rd.  I will be staying at [redacted]and would love to arrange for a 3h encounter together..

 I await for your sweet reply confirming your availability and any additional thoughts on our time together..
 
Thank you for your time and may I wait until the pleasure is all mine....
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 28 November 2009, 04:21:55 am
The fool is allllll yours.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Fallingstar on 28 November 2009, 09:13:07 am
Evie we have to know if you replied to him or if a  Divine goddess such as yourself does not communicate by such base forms as email ;)

One thing bothering me,where precisely does he think you are getting enough milk to fill a bath with! Is he bringing it himself or does he think you have a cow stashed in your living room for every time you fancy living out your Cleopatra fantasies ;D

Its almost sweet (in an utterly demented way)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 28 November 2009, 09:28:27 am
I have re-read this, once wasn't enough, and I think our man here is a sub, looking for a femme fatale fantasy, he just has a wordy way of asking for his fantasy.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Mango on 28 November 2009, 10:00:22 am
o_o

Isn't this inspired by the bible? The Canticum Canticorum (song of songs? I have no idea in english) talks about grapes and milk etc, it's porny all around.

I have to wonder how you get a bath of warm milk.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 28 November 2009, 10:58:28 am
Mango, you are referring to the Song of Songs by King Solomon. Yes he did indeed go on about full breasts and the like. :) Generally milk baths are not pure milk, just milk and some aromatic oils and herbs added for scent. So no need to have a cow or truck standing by.  ;D

Milk and honey together is another nice bath combo, with some rose petals and rose essential oil added, very nice after a rough week.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: amy on 28 November 2009, 11:27:43 am
I have to wonder how you get a bath of warm milk.

Use powdered ;D.

Like Violette says though, it does need some oils and things or it's a bit rank. And for God's sake make sure you get rid of every trace after  :-X.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 28 November 2009, 02:02:34 pm
 Amy, I think you were joking about the powdered milk, but that is exactly what many recipies recommend and I use.  :D

I love my relaxing baths, here are a couple of nice ones:
 
Patchouli Milk Bath
Mix 1 cup of powdered milk, 2-3 drops patchouli scented oil, 1/4 cup of sea salt and add to bath. Patchouli oil is known for it's relaxing benefits and the scent of the patchouli flower is considered to an aphrodisiac.

Milk and Honey Bath here you go Violette
Mix 1/2 cup liquid honey, 3 cups powdered milk, lavender buds (added for color and fragrance)  in a large bowl and then transfer to a container or decorative glass bottle if you are making it as a gift.
Scoop out a good handful of the milk bath and dissolve in a warm bath. Mixture keeps for a few weeks.

Floral Milk Bath Infusion
2 cups powdered milk mixed with 1 tsp dried orange peel, 2 tsp dried lavender flowers, 2 tsp dried rose petals, 2 tsp dried marigold flowers and a drizzle of sweet almond oil and put in a container.

Too to stop the plughole getting bunged up and the to make cleaning the bath easier put bath mixtures containing petals and leaves in an old (clean) stocking and hang under the hot water tap or if you are posh use a muslin bag.

As Amy said, be sure to take a thorough shower after the milkbath and give the tub a good scrub too, milky deposites left anywhere get rank quickly. :-X
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 28 November 2009, 03:09:34 pm
I've confirmed with Evie that her guy is the same one that contacted me a few months back. My email was less out there but I thought you might appreciate seeing a bit more of his range. ;D

Do read down to the second paragraph at least.



Hi Anika,
 
My name is [Rumplestiltskin], 32yo, fit, well educated and travelled gentleman that fate led to your website... I was very intruiged by all I read and saw... It wasnt your pics or services you offer etc, but how your words portrayed your confidence, honesty and comfort in their own skin...  rarely do you come across someone as mature and worldy experienced as you seem with age still on their side....
 
After reading your website in detail, I felt it would be a beautiful pleasure to share a night or even a weekend with you... a place to allow ourselves to set free our minds and interact as strangers naturally should... To speak, to laugh, to drink, to kiss as natures reflections could... and to connect as two lost spirits would...
 
I'd like to make the trip down to brighton and meet you there for an evening of memorable moments, infused by the wildness of our desires, and guided by the intellect of our minds...
 
I'd love to meet on the evening of the 24th and go together for a delectable dinner with finest of red wines as we talk and know more of each other through our words and gazes of our eyes... We then head off to a club of your choice (I will be a stranger in your land, so guide me to where is right...) and enjoy the crowd, the passion, the limelight... After that head back home to your place or mine and spend the rest of the evening discovering and pleasuring each other, guided by what we both desire....  The next day, we awake comfortably and go have breakfast on a beach cafe somewhere... enjoying the sunshine against our bodies and penetrating our souls... We then head down to a naturist spa where we both relax and share some more with each other, naked and free to play as we feel....   After that we both go our own ways and hopefully bless the day that we met and the smiles that we shared, and hope only for the best for each of our journeys in this life....
 
I hope little of what I have portrayed is acceptable to you and have the time and will to meet together that friday evening and saturday. 
 
I was greatly attracted to your wit, openness and especially sense of hygene.  I too beleive life is too frutile to play with and happy that you share the same limits and concerns...
 
Please let me know your thoughts on this and if your available on those days.... I know its still a few weeks off but would like to arrange early and book for hotels etc for our weekend by the sea.... Although not expecting many emails back and forth as we both have busy lifes to lead, but hope to share a little together before we meet...
 
 
 
I await your reply and wish you beautiful days till then...
 
[Rumplestiltskin]
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 28 November 2009, 04:55:24 pm
Dear god!
Now I am curious, did he go through with the appointment, or did it indeed turn into a nightmare of back and forthing with emails. He seems once he gets the wind up him that there is no stopping the amount of drivel he can sprout.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 28 November 2009, 05:31:40 pm
He got more down to earth when I started to reply (I think putting a dampener on romantic prose is an effect I have), and when I said the date wasn't good he didn't suggest an alternative one, which made me think he might be genuine. I passed him on to a friend who likes pretentious clients and she planned stuff by email with him, but then he cancelled before any phone contact. I don't know if she was wading through text or not.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 28 November 2009, 05:59:30 pm
Ah-ha, so there is still the possibility that someone might get lucky and be bored to death by him in person.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: amy on 28 November 2009, 07:08:04 pm
Amy, I think you were joking about the powdered milk, but that is exactly what many recipies recommend and I use.  :D


I wasn't, y'know. My Gran used to use it and I have too, although not for years - I'd forgotten all about it! It is great for softening skin and I'm off out to buy some tomorrow :D.

As Amy said, be sure to take a thorough shower after the milkbath and give the tub a good scrub too, milky deposites left anywhere get rank quickly. :-X


This is the worst bit - and don't forget about flannels and sponges. I vividly remember turning the bathroom upside down at my old place years ago because of the horrendous stench that I couldn't identify and was convinced the drains were backing up, only to find it was a sponge that had the milk bath on which had been hanging around in the warm for a couple of weeks  :-X. Not recommended.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 29 November 2009, 12:11:38 pm
I sometimes complain about people using email to ask for a same-day booking, but this one easily wins that category.

Sent at 01:51 this morning.

hai anika i am [tinky winky] from brighton.I need today 2.30am my number is ***********.my place is 1[laa-laa] street near mammo cherry resturant
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xw5 on 29 November 2009, 12:30:53 pm
More like Dipsy, I'd have thought. I take it they had Po luck?

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 29 November 2009, 11:26:34 pm
As Amy said, be sure to take a thorough shower after the milkbath and give the tub a good scrub too, milky deposites left anywhere get rank quickly. :-X

This is the worst bit - and don't forget about flannels and sponges. I vividly remember turning the bathroom upside down at my old place years ago because of the horrendous stench that I couldn't identify and was convinced the drains were backing up, only to find it was a sponge that had the milk bath on which had been hanging around in the warm for a couple of weeks  :-X. Not recommended.
Uh, yes forgot to mention those, my lesson was when I let my shower curtain hang in my milkbath and some of it stayed in the crease/seam at the bottom of the curtain - it took me days to work out what it was, I even had the bathpanel off thinking something had died behind it, lol.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 29 November 2009, 11:32:22 pm
Ok, guy called, said he wanted to know about my services,
I said: yeees?
he said: is sex included?
I said: yes.
He said: so you do f**king?
 ::) ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexxx on 29 November 2009, 11:36:04 pm
Cassie - thanks for the lovely recipes. I'm gonna try one tomorrow night!
What a darling! Thanks once again x x x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 29 November 2009, 11:42:26 pm
Cassie - thanks for the lovely recipes. I'm gonna try one tomorrow night!
What a darling! Thanks once again x x x
No probs hun, hope you enjoy them as much as I do and let me know if you did.  :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: darlington_girl on 01 December 2009, 08:41:29 pm
I've recenlt been getting messages from this guy who thinks it's sad that i have to work and how he wishes i didn't have to...!!?? I don't even know or met him! I spoke and arranged the booking but have cancelled as honest he was freaking me out. He texted everyday along lines of 'morning, how are you? safe? let me know i'm worried' if i didn't reply the texts get more frantic one even saying he was to call the police as worried something had happened to me!! I told him straight to leave me alone and has done the trick though noticed had email on aw from him but just deleted it ha. I'm so cruel. I don't mean to be as sweet someone cares isn't it. But well, it's bit weird when haven't even met him...! bless him ha x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 01 December 2009, 08:46:42 pm
Urgh. Sometimes potential clients really wind me up (doesn't help I have exams in my other life and am stressed from that...)
Just had an email from a guy offering me a 2hour appointment for less than I normally charge for 1hour! When I informed him of this, he told me the 'offer still stood if I didn't get anything else'! Which really wound me up lol. I mean, I don't like the implication that I'm so desperate for clients that I'm going to drop a substantial amount to go and tolerate him! *presses block*
Lol, sorry for the rant, but that feels so much better! :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 03 December 2009, 02:23:10 am
I've recenlt been getting messages from this guy who thinks it's sad that i have to work and how he wishes i didn't have to...!!?? I don't even know or met him! I spoke and arranged the booking but have cancelled as honest he was freaking me out. He texted everyday along lines of 'morning, how are you? safe? let me know i'm worried' if i didn't reply the texts get more frantic one even saying he was to call the police as worried something had happened to me!! I told him straight to leave me alone and has done the trick though noticed had email on aw from him but just deleted it ha. I'm so cruel. I don't mean to be as sweet someone cares isn't it. But well, it's bit weird when haven't even met him...! bless him ha x
Not sweet hun, sick, in the stalker fashion, be very careful with this kind of guy.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 03 December 2009, 03:17:06 am
Oh god I shouldn't still be up but I just remembered this.

So around Tuesday lunchtime I was in my muddy jeans and the boots with chicken poo in the treads, cycling down a country lane to the hen sanctuary I volunteer at. My work phone rang and since it was in my pocket I hopped off my bike and answered the call, which was apparently coming from India.

The guy asked if I did phone sex and I said yes, but I wouldn't be home until 7pm GMT. I told him how much it cost and how I took payment, he said he'd call me back in the evening and I got on my way.

A few minutes later I was off the bike again, this time because I'd got outside the sanctuary and found one of the brown hens exploring outside the outer fence. While I was working out what to do about it the Indian guy called back. I told him I had a situation but he blabbered on anyway so I said he had to be quick. He asked me if, before he paid for the phone sex, I couldn't just give him a taster for free? I said no. He said couldn't I just do one minute so he could make up his mind? I told him I really didn't care if he booked or not so I wasn't interested in convincing him.

In the end I didn't get to find out what he sounds like when he comes, but I did chase the hen back to safety and cleaned out all the drinkers before it got dark :).
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 03 December 2009, 03:26:14 am
Oh god I shouldn't still be up but I just remembered this.

So around Tuesday lunchtime I was in my muddy jeans and the boots with chicken poo in the treads, cycling down a country lane to the hen sanctuary I volunteer at. My work phone rang and since it was in my pocket I hopped off my bike and answered the call, which was apparently coming from India.

The guy asked if I did phone sex and I said yes, but I wouldn't be home until 7pm GMT. I told him how much it cost and how I took payment, he said he'd call me back in the evening and I got on my way.

A few minutes later I was off the bike again, this time because I'd got outside the sanctuary and found one of the brown hens exploring outside the outer fence. While I was working out what to do about it the Indian guy called back. I told him I had a situation but he blabbered on anyway so I said he had to be quick. He asked me if, before he paid for the phone sex, I couldn't just give him a taster for free? I said no. He said couldn't I just do one minute so he could make up his mind? I told him I really didn't care if he booked or not so I wasn't interested in convincing him.

In the end I didn't get to find out what he sounds like when he comes, but I did chase the hen back to safety and cleaned out all the drinkers before it got dark :).

F**k, didn't realise it was this late myself!

LOL, maybe you should have let him listen to you chasing the hen back into it's coop, especially on what it must cost him to phone from India.

Right - bed time!!!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 03 December 2009, 06:23:31 am
I sometimes complain about people using email to ask for a same-day booking, but this one easily wins that category.

Sent at 01:51 this morning.

hai anika i am [tinky winky] from brighton.I need today 2.30am my number is ***********.my place is 1[laa-laa] street near mammo cherry resturant

So did you meet him? Once in a blue...I'll get a text or email like that, but for some reason; at the end of 2009 I am finding they are too flakey so I proceed with caution.

But you know what I hate?

When someone calls or IM's me after say 10-11 at night asking for an appointment for tomorrow. I told one guy, "Its 1230, at this hour; Im not taking no advanced booking. They know damn well, and me too...that the only time you contact someone that late is if you are ready RIGHT NOW. Otherwise, why the hell would you be calling so late? You're horny now...arent you? Sheesh, some people  >:(

and you know why I got so annoyed? He was from Chicago! That is the land of escort buggers. They talk alot of shit, but don't ever do shit. Its one of the reasons why I was so firm with him. I ******* cant stand people in Chicago  >:(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 03 December 2009, 11:13:15 am
So did you meet him?

What? No. I was in bed and didn't check my emails until the sun had come up.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 03 December 2009, 01:31:44 pm
When someone calls or IM's me after say 10-11 at night asking for an appointment for tomorrow. I told one guy, "Its 1230, at this hour; Im not taking no advanced booking. They know damn well, and me too...that the only time you contact someone that late is if you are ready RIGHT NOW. Otherwise, why the hell would you be calling so late? You're horny now...arent you? Sheesh, some people  >:(

and you know why I got so annoyed? He was from Chicago! That is the land of escort buggers. They talk alot of shit, but don't ever do shit. Its one of the reasons why I was so firm with him. I ******* cant stand people in Chicago  >:(

Just turn your phone off!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexxx on 03 December 2009, 02:10:56 pm
Or put in on silent in another room (so the stupid flashing light indicating a call doesn't rouse us from our well deserved sleep)

I have someone who calls once a week asking for details. I answered the phone to him yesterday and when he asked for details I said - You must know what I look like, how much I charge and what area Im in by now as you phone every week asking the same things. I doubt we're ever actually going to meet so unless you have a serious enquiry, plase stop calling me! He spluttered - oh yes, I remember you now! I'm sorry for calling back again and again. I do intend to come and see you at some point....to which I replied, well call me 'at some point' when you have the cash and know when you'd like to see me.
Some people. Honestly. Do my f$%king head in. He always says 'Bless Ya' too which makes me want to scream at him! I don't want blessing you fool. I want to earn some money. Now get off the line as I have proper enquiries to deal with. Dick.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Ooohlala on 03 December 2009, 03:42:19 pm
I don't want blessing you fool. I want to earn some money. Now get off the line as I have proper enquiries to deal with. Dick.

Hee hee that post from Alex made me right giggle  ;D

xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: lustylisaa on 03 December 2009, 06:58:07 pm
just had quite an interesting text

'looking for an outcall tonight, around 9ish do you do outdoor play? looking to submit and be humiliated if possible.'

a few texts later i establish he is in coventry (so quite far) i explain i would need charge him an hours rate. and would do outside if i could bring my driver.

he replied 'i was looking for 30 mins for 60-70 please? its all for your amusement?'

so i was to travel to middle of nowhere for less than half what i charge and .. oh yes.. it was my enjoyment he was thinking of?? lol

so i sent a text back saying 'bye good luck'

and i just got another back

'bottle of perfume as wel? armani'

omg lmfao... oh i should have jumped at the chance huh?

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

liesa
xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 04 December 2009, 12:39:39 am
Lol, the perfume didn't tempt you?

I've finally got stroppy with my Gardener client, since Feb he calls or texts me nearly every week for a chat and promises to make an appointment soon, he booked me once for half an hour in March and tries to reminice on the pleasure he gave me with his tongue (groan). I seldom answer his calls or ask if he wants to book and if not tell him I'm busy I have to go.

I have had some shit happen today and it is a full moon, so I am more emotional than usual and he called - bad timing!
So I answered and asked him if he was calling to book, he said sorry can't get away right now, I just wanted to see how you are. My reply was to ask how many times he lets people call him and maybe get gardening advice with the promise to book him before he tells them to piss off?
His response was that he thought there was more to 'our friendship' and he though I enjoyed our little chats.
You can imagine my reply, well notch it up another level, then you've got it.

Thing is I have never encouraged his friendship and all my 'chats' with him have been pretty short and business orientated from my side.

MEN!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Fallingstar on 04 December 2009, 09:05:19 am
I would have said you deserve a medal for putting up with his idiocy since March,you must have a saints patience Cassie,i would have snapped after the first fortnight ;D

If he wants to make it up to you he could always come round and landscape your garden for free.

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 05 December 2009, 12:12:13 am
hehe, Colette, I can be patient sometimes, but I think this is more a case of being lazy, he only caused me mild, occasional irritation, so it was less hassle to just ignore him or tell him I'm busy than to bring up the energy to get shirty with him. This must be the first time he called when I was in Werewolf mode.

Oh and I don't have a garden or I would have had him working for my attention. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 08 December 2009, 01:14:02 am

Wow, Look at me and my goddess powers pulling them all out of the woodwork :)  I was trying to spot all the red flags and really it is just 700 words of it. How many did you see?  (I've highlighted a few, I'm actually trying to get past paragraph 1 and still haven't)

 **
I saw your ad on [redacted] and really am interested in learning more
about you. Just to give you a little info about myself, I am an [idiot]
currently living in [sillyville] that accepted a new sales position at my company
and will be living in the UK for 10 months with potential for a permanent
position there. I'm really excited! I will be coming in a few weeks so I
would love to have a provider who shares the same fantasies as me.
I adore women and want to find the right fantasy provider
that I can see on a regular basis. Your pics and your profile caught
my eye. Your services listed swallowing and I think that it is so sexy to see a
woman enjoying it!  I love your pics too, very hot!!

I am looking for a dependable provider who I click with and both enjoy
each others company. I am 31, Caucasian, 230. I am expecting a pretty
stressful job so I want to find the right woman that can fulfill my
fantasy whenever we meet. I want to be forward about my desires so if
detailed specifics offend you, please disregard this email as I do understand
that every woman has their own preferences. I certainly do not want
to come off as offensive toward you but also want to be respectful of
both of our time. Your pics really got my mind racing and I want a
friend
that is into the same things that I am into so we can enjoy each
other every time we get together.

My intention is to find a steady that really enjoys giving extra kinky oral.
I am specifically searching for a friend that loves tasting me and insists
enthusiastically on swallowing everything, every time regardless of where
(fingers, face, stomach, cock) so I can get a sexy visual everytime I cum.
It's so hot to see and feel and I get a rush of sensations
from a goddess doing this for me.. I'd love to be able to find
someone that is open to facials and licking everything clean using her
fingers giving me that super hot visual rush. I really need to find a
special woman that likes to be fed as many times as she can, can be
creative for me visually (cumplay before swallowing), and can be
typically available with 24 hour notice on future meets. I also would
love to find a girl
that encourages me with dirty talk and I absolutely
love to see those stockings on you if we meet.

I do want it to be the experience to be enjoyable for both of us so
please understand that I want to find the right girl with the same
preferences. I love that your profile stated that you enjoy swallowing.
I would like to know specifically if you would be open to giving a porno
style/cum play finish and showing me your swallow. I know it's specific
but I've often fantasized about finding a goddess that craves my cum.
My flight is scheduled for January 3 (morning). Hopefully
we can start meeting as often as we can
if you thing you would enjoy
eating my cum.

I'm so excited about the UK and my job!! I'll send you some info/pics
as well
if you will be my cumeating specialist.

I hope to hear from you,
[PINOCCHIO]


Evie's note:  ummm.... Noooooooo!!!!!  :'(
I actually read it now, and it is just... gross! 
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 08 December 2009, 07:13:24 am
Oh my god! Bleeuuurrrghhh. :-X For some reason, I imagine him jizzing several times while writing that and then licking it up himself, dreaming of you. Lol! Yuck!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 08 December 2009, 09:16:47 am
Oh dear god! Well, it was the paragraph 1-2, he wants a service provider, paragraph 3, you have been upgraded to friend, paragraph 4, he is hinting at 'finding a girl'. If this idiot had kept on, you could well be on your way to being asked to become the next Mrs. Idiot. There really should be law against this kind of idiocy.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Fallingstar on 08 December 2009, 10:10:19 am
Oh dear god! Well, it was the paragraph 1-2, he wants a service provider, paragraph 3, you have been upgraded to friend, paragraph 4, he is hinting at 'finding a girl'. If this idiot had kept on, you could well be on your way to being asked to become the next Mrs. Idiot. There really should be law against this kind of idiocy.

 ;DMaybye if he had continued in the same vein by paragraph 8 they would have been divorced and she would have taken half his money
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 08 December 2009, 12:02:31 pm

 ;DMaybye if he had continued in the same vein by paragraph 8 they would have been divorced and she would have taken half his money

 There must be an easier way to get my hands on a tenner!!  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 08 December 2009, 02:32:25 pm
Your services listed swallowing
Do they? Where?

I want to be forward about my desires so if
detailed specifics offend you, please disregard this email as I do understand
that every woman has their own preferences. I certainly do not want
to come off as offensive toward you but also want to be respectful of
both of our time.
blah, blah, blah ... yawn

enjoys giving extra kinky oral.
WTF?

I'm so excited about the UK and my job!!
Awww, bless

if you will be my cumeating specialist.
:-X :-X :-X

Funny how we focus on different things and your flagged bits are of course valid. Don't know what you replied, but I would have just said,: Hey Buster, where does it say I swallow?

At least you get the eloquent TWs, I just seem to get the morons, still when you boil it down they are all as inane as each other.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 08 December 2009, 08:05:46 pm
Here is a thought, now with cloning technology coming ,  can't we just order up some perfect clients? I had a client today ask me if I had a nice foufou? What was he expecting me to say to that question?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 08 December 2009, 08:18:50 pm
Something about bashing field mice, I think.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 09 December 2009, 01:15:47 am
Something about bashing field mice, I think.
Ah, those 'singing kettle' days.

How did that song go?

Little bunny foufou hopping though the forest, ?picking up? the field mice and bashing 'em on the head ...

Can't remember anymore?

Hey Vi, maybe he wants you to bash him on the head?  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 09 December 2009, 01:28:05 am
At least you get the eloquent TWs, I just seem to get the morons, still when you boil it down they are all as inane as each other.
I am nearly choking with laughter - my tummy hurts so bad now. I take it back, I got this tonight - sound familiar?

Hi Cassie,

I saw your ad on "xyz" and really am interested in learning more
about you. Just to give you a little info about myself, I am an American
currently living in "xyz" that accepted a new sales position at my company
and will be living in Manchester for 10 months with potential for a permanent
position there. I'm really excited! I will be coming in a few weeks so I
would love to have a provider who shares the same fantasies as me.
I adore women and want to find the right fantasy provider
that I can see on a regular basis. Your pics and your profile caught
my eye. Your services listed swallowing and I think that it is so sexy to see a
woman enjoying it!  I love your pics too, very hot!! 

I am looking for a dependable provider who I click with and both enjoy
each others company. I am 31, Caucasian, 230. I am expecting a pretty
stressful job so I want to find the right woman that can fulfill my
fantasy whenever we meet. I want to be forward about my desires so if
detailed specifics offend you, please disregard this email as I do understand
that every woman has their own preferences. I certainly do not want
to come off as offensive toward you but also want to be respectful of
both of our time. Your pics really got my mind racing and I want a
friend that is into the same things that I am into so we can enjoy each
other every time we get together.

My intention is to find a steady that really enjoys giving extra kinky oral.
I am specifically searching for a friend that loves tasting me and insists
enthusiastically on swallowing everything, every time regardless of where
(fingers, face, stomach, cock) so I can get a sexy visual everytime I cum.
It's so hot to see and feel and I get a rush of sensations
from a goddess doing this for me.. I'd love to be able to find
someone that is open to facials and licking everything clean using her
fingers giving me that super hot visual rush. I really need to find a
special woman that likes to be fed as many times as she can, can be
creative for me visually (cumplay before swallowing), and can be
typically available with 24 hour notice on future meets. I also would
love to find a girl that encourages me with dirty talk and I absolutely
would love to see those black stockings on you if we meet.

I do want it to be the experience to be enjoyable for both of us so
please understand that I want to find the right girl with the same
preferences. I love that your profile stated that you enjoy swallowing.
I would like to know specifically if you would be open to giving a porno
style/cum play finish and showing me your swallow. I know it's specific
but I've often fantasized about finding a goddess that craves my cum.
My flight is scheduled for January 3 (morning). Hopefully
we can start meeting as often as we can if you thing you would enjoy
eating my cum.

I'm so excited about the UK and my job!! I'll send you some info/pics
as well if you will be my cumeating specialist.

I hope to hear from you,
"stupid TW"
 

He changed one word just for me, aww!

OK ladies, who's next? ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 09 December 2009, 12:49:26 pm
Oh, you have got to be kidding me?  :o
Someone should post this on AW as an ad under seeking service.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Ooohlala on 09 December 2009, 07:34:44 pm

My lord Cassie and Evie, that is foookin hilarious! What a dweeb. He obviously has no idea what so ever that a lot of us actually talk to each other... ???
Did either of you reply?? Something along the lines of I'll eat your cum if you eat my snot would be an idea  :P tee hee

xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: MissMillie on 10 December 2009, 02:53:02 pm
I had one guy on AW contact me to ask if he could give me ?30 for a half hour BJ in an open park... ?30 is not my half hourly rate.... and open park?...

Then went on to say he'd meet me in his car and drive me there...

I think NOT
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 10 December 2009, 03:05:50 pm

My lord Cassie and Evie, that is foookin hilarious! What a dweeb. He obviously has no idea what so ever that a lot of us actually talk to each other... ???
Did either of you reply?? Something along the lines of I'll eat your cum if you eat my snot would be an idea  :P tee hee

xxx

 No I didn't- Though I have had another funny one: He wrote me once a day for two days, and each time changed his story completely- And has written the same to a friend of mine too! Clearly not thinking we actually share this info xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Ooohlala on 10 December 2009, 03:19:17 pm
they obviously think we're just dumb bimbos, too thick to cotton on!  >:(

xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 10 December 2009, 10:18:26 pm

My lord Cassie and Evie, that is foookin hilarious! What a dweeb. He obviously has no idea what so ever that a lot of us actually talk to each other... ???
Did either of you reply?? Something along the lines of I'll eat your cum if you eat my snot would be an idea  :P tee hee

xxx

 No I didn't- Though I have had another funny one: He wrote me once a day for two days, and each time changed his story completely- And has written the same to a friend of mine too! Clearly not thinking we actually share this info xx
No I haven't either, not really worth it, though I might still think something up if I get really bored.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 12 December 2009, 09:28:42 pm
No I haven't either, not really worth it, though I might still think something up if I get really bored.

He's texted me since- Asking if I got his email- haha :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 13 December 2009, 10:45:59 pm
No I haven't either, not really worth it, though I might still think something up if I get really bored.

He's texted me since- Asking if I got his email- haha :)

LOL, he's all yours hon.  :-*
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: laura81 on 14 December 2009, 11:13:31 am

 There must be an easier way to get my hands on a tenner!!  ;D


ROFL That one line had me giggling for over an hour! Hilarious!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 11 January 2010, 09:21:32 pm
Someone sent me an email Sunday at 7 am in the morning. Although a bit suspicious, it did contain a callback number. So I emailed them back around 1 that afternoon.

This morning around 6 I get an email from the same person saying, "sorry, I would've liked to hooked up but Im back in (city)." let me know if you're ever up this way.

Mind you...I just moved from (city). How funny of them to trace me 4 hours away, and pretend they wanted to book me. So I emailed back, "No apologies necessary, although I found your request to be rather last minute. Next time I'm there I'll mail you an hour before I leave and hope it reaches you before I leave."

The last thing someone wants to do with me right now is jerk me around. I will tell someone off in an instant no matter if its online  >:(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 13 January 2010, 12:47:55 am
Just an excerpt from an email I got recently:

... and then rousing your clit till erect,before introducing her to Percy.

 ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 13 January 2010, 08:50:12 am
I have to say I love my Black Berry, why you ask, because it keeps an activity log. If some idiot texted me in Nov, and then texts me again in Jan, I can see the whole past conversation. Well some jackass who pestered me in Nov, had the nerve to attempt this again in Jan when I was back on tour. Oh and did he get it.
He had texted me, asking for info, and then started in with the sexting foolishness. I told him to F-off in Nov. Fool, didn't realize I kept the past messages, and started in with the same silliness again in Jan. I text him asking, "What part of f-off the last time was unclear?" Funnily enough I haven't been bothered by him anymore.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 13 January 2010, 09:38:14 am
Just an excerpt from an email I got recently:

... and then rousing your clit till erect,before introducing her to Percy.

 ;D ;D ;D

Ha! ;D I can only imagine how delightful the rest of the email was. Rousing, even!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 13 January 2010, 11:30:57 pm
Well some jackass who pestered me in Nov, had the nerve to attempt this again in Jan

There has been times where I've allowed dicks to fuck me over after their 1st time out of sheer grace and '2 strikes rule'. Well not anymore. This past weekend was a prime example of. One guy was always hitting me up, but never could make an appointment cause he didnt have the money. Well Saturday he booked, then flaked. I told him, Obviously you don't take yourself seriously and neither can I. Boy did he get mad, and I just laughed.

Another prick tried the same thing, whereby he texts me, "do I pay by cash, check or credit card LOL". I thought that was suspicious (and flippant) but I let it slide. Next thing I know mother FUCKER stood me up on 2 bookings, but luckily I was just sitting at home. Regardless, his ass his toast.

Being in a new town means that the timewasters 'want to get me' but rest assured, they wont get far. One guy got reported to his phone company for harrassing me with text messages, I'm not afraid to do it again. And Im not afraid to break a window again either if I have to (kidding!)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lucymay on 25 January 2010, 09:09:49 am
"bbe u shaggin 2nyt. And cn u cmc c me"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 25 January 2010, 09:26:16 pm
"in that case i will be interested in 1 hr to start with, since you are not willing to negotiate"

Um... why should I? Lol. *deletes*
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: BurlesqueHoney on 25 January 2010, 11:05:29 pm
"in that case i will be interested in 1 hr to start with, since you are not willing to negotiate"

Um... why should I? Lol. *deletes*

Priceless!   ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 25 January 2010, 11:18:01 pm
Potential cilent- "What will you do for ?20?"
Me- Click.

Well he did ask... ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 26 January 2010, 03:24:17 am
Potential cilent- "What will you do for ?20?"

I told one guy $20 will give him about 7 minutes...He never responded  :(   It'd probably take him 5 minutes to get my foot out of his ass  :D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: ScottishBBW on 26 January 2010, 02:20:13 pm
I recieved 3 consecutive phone calls at 4.30am on Sunday morning, followed by a picture message of a rather obese gentlemans chest and stomach area simply saying "call me".

No thanks, I think I'll pass on that one cheers....
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cat_BBW on 03 February 2010, 12:37:19 am
Colette, I think your mission has been completed in this thread LOL...What an oasis you have created here. At what point are we going to narrow it all down and see who's had the most outrageous timewaster?

On guy was txting me away, and when I told him, he needs to call for info, he texts back and says he is driving and can't talk. I forwarded his message back to him, and texted: "If I sent you this message, would you believe me?" I didn't hear from him anymore.

At first I didnt understand the scene, but then I read it again...how stupid! He's driving while texting and initiated the texts...Wouldnt talking be safer than sex? Boingo....

Windows 7, not if my life depended on it.

 >:( Leave us alone, Im still working with Vista :D

Vista?? I'm still on XP.... *boggles*
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cat_BBW on 03 February 2010, 12:49:25 am
Thank you ladies & gents! I enjoyed reading this thread  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: anonymoussw on 03 February 2010, 05:53:38 pm
Thank you ladies & gents! I enjoyed reading this thread  ;D

I get excited every time there is a new post on this thread... :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 03 February 2010, 06:07:17 pm
I never get funny timewaster stuff! Or at least, I end up ignoring and forgetting about it too quickly and it's not funny anyway, it's boring standard "can u send me a face pic pls" stuff. Sigh! :P

Today though I got a creepy mutterer calling and asking me over and over again if I live alone, so I told him I live in a police station and then he asked if he could book an incall. ???
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 04 February 2010, 01:16:17 pm
I told him I live in a police station and then he asked if he could book an incall. ???

OMG that nearly killed me! :D

A few days ago I explained to one guy about overnight bookings - price, time I start work (8pm), duration (8-12hours), etc. Then yesterday, got an email asking for a 16 (!) hour overnight (5pm-11am) for less than half my rate! Sometimes I wonder if I'm on the same planet...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xxxtinyxxx on 05 February 2010, 08:51:22 pm
Hello Everyone,

I had a lovely phonecall today from a pleasant sounding chap asking details, prices etc. After sounding like a genuine chap he went on to ask about the services i do,
Do i do anal?  'No'
Oral without? 'No'
Anything without? 'No'
How about unprotected sex? I reply 'How about you go down the road to the red light area and find someone who does, im sure there will be someone willing to give you a range of STDs for half the price of my protected service'

What an absolutely lovely chap, bloody idiot. Why is it always me who answers the phone to these stupid people?

Mak.
xxxxxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 06 February 2010, 04:40:11 pm
Guy calls up with number not showing, I answer and ask him if he knows that he is calling with a blocked number, he replies, and says yes, he knows this that he is calling from his wife's phone!  :o What an absolute idiot.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 06 February 2010, 08:05:04 pm
Its amazing how people actually play games to try to make you feel like you're charging too much. 

Someone called me the other day, (oops, texted me) in the morning saying, all I have is 120. My rate is 60 more than that. So I say..."well I can do 120 but you'd have to come to me and it'd be for half an hour".

Then, he says he doesn't have transportation. So I repeat, its 180 for outcall. He then switches it up and says, "sorry, I only have 140'. I didn't even respond back as I was just waking up!

I seriously don't think he had 120 or 140, stupid ass fucker  >:(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 07 February 2010, 07:54:08 pm
I tell you...I hate to sound racist,, and living in Texas is damn near tipping me over the edge...but Mexican 'so called clients' have got to be the most ignorant and time-wasting clients on the face of the planet! I thought Black folks were the worse, not even close!

Some guy got cursed the fuck out this morning (in my grumpy mood after I was already having depression last night). He calls, ask me a couple questions about my massage, and then at the end goes, "you're not a psycho are you?" I hung up immediately.

He then calls back, and I cursed his ass up and down...then he says, "ok, ok, what time can you be available?" I then told him that I didnt want to meet his ass anymore cause he pissed me off and I hung up.

See what I mean? I cant get a real booking, its gotta be some STUPID FUCK, I HATE THIS PLAAAAAAAAAAAACE!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Jewel on 08 February 2010, 01:01:15 am
I tell you...I hate to sound racist,, and living in Texas is damn near tipping me over the edge...but Mexican 'so called clients' have got to be the most ignorant and time-wasting clients on the face of the planet! I thought Black folks were the worse, not even close!

Some guy got cursed the fuck out this morning (in my grumpy mood after I was already having depression last night). He calls, ask me a couple questions about my massage, and then at the end goes, "you're not a psycho are you?" I hung up immediately.

He then calls back, and I cursed his ass up and down...then he says, "ok, ok, what time can you be available?" I then told him that I didnt want to meet his ass anymore cause he pissed me off and I hung up.

See what I mean? I cant get a real booking, its gotta be some STUPID FUCK, I HATE THIS PLAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

Joey,

You probably haven't been in the business for long enough yet, thus haven't come to realise that men are inherently stupid, and most of the times not even on purpose. The guy you're talking about was probably a newbie and just didn't know what sort of questions to ask and how to politely make sure you're safe and discreet.
I've had plenty of experience of this sort when I worked in a small working class town.

A guy on the phone: - When can you come, I'm home all day today.
Me: Sorry, I don't go anywhere, you'd have to come and visit me.
The guy (sounding really surprised): You have your own place??? (this question was a common one)
Me (being pissed off as it was 10th idiot that day): No, I do it under the bridge.
The guy (after a pause, but in a decisive tone): What side of the bridge shall I meet you, then?

Another one. A bloke calls and asks a few questions. Everything seems normal. Then he goes: "Can I bring 4 of my mates to watch?" Me (in disbelief and utter disgust): Sorry, you are probably confusing me for your wife.
Him (totally genuine): Oh no, I'm not married!
Me (to myself, hanging up): I think I know why.

And one more. My flat was in a building where the staircase was separated from the landing by a door. Only 6 flats in the whole building and only 2 floors. You would not believe the amount of people (I probably wouldn't be wrong if I said every third guy) who, once buzzed inside, would go into the staircase (there was nowhere else to go once you're inside) and call me, asking where to look for the flat. Me: Go to the first floor and open THE ONLY DOOR you can see there (that would take you to a landing with 3 flats where I'm waiting by the door). Them: What colour is the door? (How does it matter??? There's only one door there!!) or Do I push it or pull it? ::)
And guess what? some of them still couldn't find it and I had to go out of my flat, undressed as I was, and open the door to the staircase and they would be just there behind the door, actively looking for it. And the ones who did make it inside the flat without my help, would always look like they'd just achieved something and say: Wow, it's not an easy job to find you!

Anyway, the point I'm making is that half of these people who seem to take the piss, are actually genuine, just stupid. And you would not believe the amount of myths and misconceptions that some people in small communities/ for want of education still hold in regard, especially since what you do is not as traditional as female escorting. So try to be patient. It's hard, but you won't make much if you keep hanging up on them. 
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 08 February 2010, 08:01:09 am
That has got to be the funniest post I have read in a long time. Jewel, what you say is so true, men are stupid, the poor loves can't help themselves. I too in the beginning use to get so frustrated. Until I realized it is best to treat all men like 2 year olds, until proven older. I don't exactly talk to them in a sing-songy voice, but it is close.  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Ella T on 08 February 2010, 09:42:38 am

Sometimes the daftest conversations and questions from people can turn into genuine bookings. Some gents have even turned out to be so called 'high powered businessmen' with blue chip companies, and you think what? but you could barely string any coherent words together on the phone!

"you're not a psycho are you?"  - that's an absolute bloody corker though!

I also chuckled about getting them into your flat Jewel, because I am in a similar situation on the 2nd floor. Sometimes I have to stifle my amusement as they huff and puff when they get to my door - anyone would think that they've just followed Sherpa Tensing on a tricky ascent up Mount Everest. 

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: anonymoussw on 08 February 2010, 10:05:18 am
"you're not a psycho are you?"  - that's an absolute bloody corker though!

Should have said

"Yes. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Then hung up
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 09 February 2010, 05:05:26 pm


I got one:


 "I was wondering if you offered swirling as a service? (when a guy has sex with a girl while her head is in a clean toilet).
Regards"


 Are you fucking kidding me!!  :o
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: strawberry on 09 February 2010, 06:27:45 pm
I had one some years back. Basically wanted me to nurse him whilst he was ill - idea was he'd get hold of a drug with emetic properties (ie will make you throw up) take it and I would have to help him to the bathroom, mop his brow etc.

No thank you.

Another request has been for Ass Smoothies. Had to look that one up and it isn't a milkshake.

Thirdly the good old "Do you do sex?" line. Yes it's an obvious question but not one to attract a WG to trust you. And the 3rd one - book a week in advance, confirm first thing on the day, get her to wear something by request, try the odd text detailing what you want to do to her during the appointment, confirm you have set off, ring to say you are held up but not far away at the end of a 1 hour drive, then disappear completely without trace. Amazing.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 09 February 2010, 06:40:10 pm
And the 3rd one - book a week in advance, confirm first thing on the day, get her to wear something by request, try the odd text detailing what you want to do to her during the appointment, confirm you have set off, ring to say you are held up but not far away at the end of a 1 hour drive, then disappear completely without trace. Amazing.

That guy must have zoomed across the country cos I swear I heard from him today, too! But I cancelled on him after his sexting efforts. Was too worn out by the beautiful young fella who'd slipped in for a quickie. Ha! In your face, numpty timewasters! :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 10 February 2010, 10:28:30 am


I got one:


 "I was wondering if you offered swirling as a service? (when a guy has sex with a girl while her head is in a clean toilet).
Regards"


 Are you fucking kidding me!!  :o

Thanks for the laugh. The image has me in hysterics on a train bound for Dublin, the passengers are looking at me funny. :D

Mine for the week, was some idiot who called blocked number, and when told to call back with number showing, says he is calling from his wife's phone.  I hung up!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xxxtinyxxx on 11 February 2010, 10:37:20 pm
Here's my list of crazy txt messages for the last 2 days:

1. Hi, i have seen your ad in paper, How much for a massage? Any availability this eve? Thanks,  P.S. I'm not an overweight lorry driver - am 34yrs and fairly fit.

2. Hi, i drive a small coach in your area, would i be able to have you on my coach or will i have to come to you?

3. Hi, i rang earlier, i am happy to come over. I don't know how to make this sound nice but is the girl a smackhead?

4. Would u do 6 in the morning?

5. Price?

6. Hi, i seen your ad in the paper, i didn't realise their would be so many ads, could you send me a pic so i can narrow it down to who i do and don't want to see? Thanks.

OMG!!!! What is wrong with people?  ::)


Hilarious!

Love N' Hugz.

Mak.
xxxxxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 12 February 2010, 12:21:52 am
I got a text last night at 4am saying:

"How about if we picked you up in an audi and gave you enough vod to keep you going. Just a couple of bored lads at my mums empty house!"

and the day before I got:

"hi babe how r u? im a nice guy willing to pay ?120 for all nite sex including bj and u in school uniform. let me know wen ur free n we can sort somethin out"

Urgh!

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: amy on 12 February 2010, 12:28:59 am
I got a text last night at 4am saying:

"How about if we picked you up in an audi and gave you enough vod to keep you going. Just a couple of bored lads at my mums empty house!"

and the day before I got:

"hi babe how r u? im a nice guy willing to pay ?120 for all nite sex including bj and u in school uniform. let me know wen ur free n we can sort somethin out"

Urgh!


I'm guessing you're on Adultwork, aren't you?  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 12 February 2010, 12:41:00 am
I got a text last night at 4am saying:

"How about if we picked you up in an audi and gave you enough vod to keep you going. Just a couple of bored lads at my mums empty house!"

and the day before I got:

"hi babe how r u? im a nice guy willing to pay ?120 for all nite sex including bj and u in school uniform. let me know wen ur free n we can sort somethin out"

Urgh!


I'm guessing you're on Adultwork, aren't you?  ;D

Yep, I'm loving the free late night entertainment!  :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 12 February 2010, 01:51:53 am
I guess it makes a change from "Do you like big black cocks?" routine.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 12 February 2010, 08:28:27 am
I guess it makes a change from "Do you like big black cocks?" routine.


Funny that you say. The other day I recieved an email from someone saying he wants to see me so I can satisfy his craving a big black cock as he's been working on a cruise for awhile.... ::)

I dont know whether to feel complimented or insulted  ???
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Jewel on 12 February 2010, 01:40:46 pm
Received this text last night (I like it when they are laconic):

"F@ck me"

Guess what reply the poor bugger got? Yes, you can't go wrong here - "F@ck you!"

Well, he asked, it would be rude to turn him down.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 12 February 2010, 03:44:19 pm
Received this text last night (I like it when they are laconic):



Well, he asked, it would be rude to turn him down.

I admire your courteousness there :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xxxtinyxxx on 12 February 2010, 11:11:58 pm
Well amongst time wasters today, i have had 4 text messages all from the same person:

1. Where can i meet you?

2. Can i please have details?

3. No reply.

4. How do i get you attention?

My answer F*CKIN TRY CALLING ME.

As my advert states NO TEXT MESSAGES in bloody CAPITAL LETTERS cant people read? Does make you wonder?  >:(

Love N' Hugz.

Mak.
xxxxxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Jewel on 13 February 2010, 04:57:09 pm
Tiny,

Is it Daily Sport you're on? No, they don't (can't/ aren't bothered to) read. They see the number, scratch their crotch and call. I use Daily Sport when I travel and these are the times when you don't know whether to laugh or kill.

My ad is usually just a name (Ann/ Mary/ Cate) and number. Most people would assume that there'll be Ann/ Mary/ Cate only there, as compared to ads that say Duo/ Trio/ Dirty Teens/ Chester Street Sauna. Yet, the following is a script of what you get 30 times a day.

Him: Hello. How many girls do you have there?
Me (already vexed): How many does the ad promise?
Him: Dunno, doesn't say there, there's only this number.
Me: Yes, there is something else there. Open the newspaper.
Pages rustling.
Him (surprised): Yeah! It says Cate here! Wow, haven't noticed that before! So, Cate, how many girls do you have there?

Not only don't they read, they don't listen either. The ones that do seem to notice the name, ask for details.
Me: I'm [a leggy busty blonde] and I'm based in [Dreamgirl City]. (It's annoying how you can't capitalise I to stress it!)
Him: Is the girl Polish?
Me: What girl???
Him: The one you're talking about. Or do you have other girls there?

At some point you just give up and hang up. In this thread, someone (can't remember who, sorry) has mentioned downing a bottle of vodka to arrange as many girls as desired. May be they should give one free with every copy of the Sport?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 13 February 2010, 07:20:28 pm
I don't know the logistics of putting an ad in the paper as a (touring?) escort, but could you fit in INDEPENDANT ESCORT at all? Would it make any difference? (Of course, you should also be putting HI KLASS in there, too, in order to attract only the most preferable Daily Sport-reading clientele. ;D) But, back to the slightly-more-serious-question, do you think the readers would get the whole 'she's independent and therefore not working out of the bathroom of a 2-bed flat stuffed with girls' or whatever they seem to think is going on? Or do all the ads say something similar without necessarily meaning it?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xxxtinyxxx on 13 February 2010, 09:29:21 pm
Hello,

I used to advertise in the Daily Sport a long time ago but gave up for a little while so stopped. I advertise in the yellow paper now as i don't have much luck with the DS, i now have a box advert so can fit more it eg: No Withheld Numbers/Text Messages. I have worked in this industry for many years now and have never had as many timewasters as i have had over the last year. I just think its so amusing, i had a call today asking how much i was, i wasn't sure if he meant me as a person forever or just an appointment, well my answer of course was absolutely priceless!!!!

Love N' Hugz.

Mak.
xxxxxx


Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Jewel on 13 February 2010, 09:40:48 pm
Emily,

Have you never used Daily Sport? Gosh, you've missed a lot of fun! But seriously, if I started telling you about the intricacies of advertising with them, that would take a new thread and then all others could contribute - I'm sure there's plenty to say. But my point was that, as Tiny wondered, people don't really pay attention to what you say in the ad, capital letters or not, and I picked up these examples as it seems like most men have this fantasy of a flat packed with girls just waiting for them to come. And, of course, as it's been pointed out before in this thread, they can't help themselves if they are not very bright. These ones are the most grateful though, pleasure to work with.

But then, of course, it depends on where you are - in bigger places men seem to have more experience with reading ads. In small towns, where the only thing they ever had was a parlour that closed 3 years ago, of course this is what they'll think you are.

And Tiny (love your nick)

Yeah, I've had this question quite a few times, and I noticed it's used in the north, never heard it in the south. At first, I thought they were just rude, but then I realised that's their way of asking how much you charge (although I still consider it very rude).

As for timewasters, I think we all noticed it in the past year, it probably has something to do with this recession everyones seems to be talking about. They can't afford to come anymore, but can still afford to call. Sorry, I know this post is not relevant to this thread.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 14 February 2010, 02:07:44 am
"hi babe how r u? im a nice guy willing to pay ?120 for all nite sex including bj and u in school uniform. let me know wen ur free n we can sort somethin out"

Amazing how some idiots think they can just up and name a fucking price without consulting us  >:(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 14 February 2010, 05:32:37 am
My latest nominations for the Darwin Awards this year:

Idiot 1."hey wassup, got you on escort, we havin a kinda of stag nite, n lookin 4 stripper n fun girl let us nknow if interested"
Idiot 2."Hijust talked to you a moment ago.dont suppose u need domestic duties attended to?as im not in good financial positionm 32.niceeasy goin guy"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Jewel on 14 February 2010, 11:32:18 am

Idiot 2."Hijust talked to you a moment ago.dont suppose u need domestic duties attended to?as im not in good financial positionm 32.niceeasy goin guy"


Violette,

Aren't you lucky! I never thought of it this way! We can have our houses cleaned, our gardens pruned, our cars serviced, our food cooked, and all for free! Remind me again, why do we have to pay rent and bills? Can't this be arranged, too?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 14 February 2010, 03:24:24 pm
Yes im all for that idea. It would only take a couple of hours to pay my rather alarming electricty bill!
Had a nice text from a man recently offering me his service as a butcher for some unfathomable reason by way of payment. I declined!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 14 February 2010, 06:49:07 pm

Idiot 2."Hijust talked to you a moment ago.dont suppose u need domestic duties attended to?as im not in good financial positionm 32.niceeasy goin guy"


Violette,

Aren't you lucky! I never thought of it this way! We can have our houses cleaned, our gardens pruned, our cars serviced, our food cooked, and all for free! Remind me again, why do we have to pay rent and bills? Can't this be arranged, too?

Yes indeed, I replied saying to the effect, I am an escort and the only arrangement I am interested in is a financial one, he didn't dare to text back. Bless.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 15 February 2010, 12:32:35 am
Can you believe some fag asked me to go meet him at the bookstore? For a split second I was about to say yes, as meeting at a public place on a date is perfectly fine, but not on business! And its not ok to meet your date at their place on the 1st date..they are completely different things.

So I said no...twice. I said he could come to me if he didnt feel comfortable. Then, he said he'd go home and call me when he got there. Hadn't heard from him and its an hour and a half late.

I told him, "ok..any fucking body can say come meet them at the bookstore and I show up there looking like an ass. C'mon, who do I look like?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: amy on 15 February 2010, 07:05:16 pm
Ten minutes ago:

Bloke who can't read
: am sorry to txt u like this but really need some company

Me: go to the pub then

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Jewel on 15 February 2010, 08:41:08 pm
Amy,

He probably WAS in the pub when texting you. The more they drink, the more company they want.

I love this thread! It never fails to make you feel better!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 16 February 2010, 01:56:19 am
One thing that irritates me is people who call me, during the daytime on a weekday when my minutes aren't free...calling me asking questions that are right in front of their face, and then say some stupid shit like, "Ok, I'll call you back".

Today, I had to tell a guy off. He tried that line with me after asking several questions which I answered, "its on my ad"...kept pausing, so finally I said, "look mother fucker...youre using up my god damn daytime minutes with this nonsense. You don't sound sure about what you want, or what time you want to meet, so don't call me back until you are sure!"

The other day, some guy did the same thing while I was dining at a Greek resturaunt...I ended up having a fit in front of my friend while at lunch and had to apologize for venting in the resturaunt  :P

I'm telling you, its those idiots from craigslist. Those are the ones giving me the most issues, closeted, ignorant faggots. Perhaps I should just forward all calls from craigslist to voicemail  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: anonymoussw on 16 February 2010, 05:20:13 am
"look mother fucker...youre using up my god damn daytime minutes with this nonsense. You don't sound sure about what you want, or what time you want to meet, so don't call me back until you are sure!"

Do you pay to receive calls over there?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 16 February 2010, 05:44:36 am
Do you pay to receive calls over there?

technically...yes. Its deducted from my balance. Plus my craigslist ad number is a prepaid phone, which runs a pretty penny over time. Eventually, I just want to use 2 numbers, 1 phone with a better billing plan
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 16 February 2010, 11:15:54 am
Do you pay to receive calls over there?

Yes they do, not just technically. Instead of the caller being charged extra for calling a mobile phone, they pay whatever they would for calling a landline and the mobile user is charged per minute at the same rate they would be for making a call. IIRC though, it's nothing like the mobile rates we have here; just a few cents a minute.

It makes sense in general, but must make timewasters a lot more annoying.

Joey, in UK we have a caller pays system like in Mexico. Mobile numbers have their own area code and the person who's calling is charged double or more what it would cost to call a landline, while the person receiving the call is charged nothing.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 17 February 2010, 03:14:06 am
Joey, in UK we have a caller pays system like in Mexico. Mobile numbers have their own area code and the person who's calling is charged double or more what it would cost to call a landline, while the person receiving the call is charged nothing.

Double or more? Sounds expensive. But I think its more fair than here. I get charged for idiots sending me text messages and calling me during the day, spending 2 and 3 minutes on the phone asking ridiculous things. And unfortunently I cant really curse someone out until about the 3rd minute...when they've asked every question and its clear they are just wasting my time.

When you add it all up, you can see why I get as annoyed as I do when someone calls to intentionally waste my time, as you have stated.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: strawberry on 17 February 2010, 01:41:08 pm
Then again you won't get the idiots who want you to answer question after question by text or claiming they haven't any credit!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 18 February 2010, 12:08:39 am
I received this charming text message on Sunday:

'A special rose Just 4 u. . . @>-%--- Filled wid luv 4 valentines day! xxmwah ALESSIAxx'

then from the same number an hour later:

'Do u provide incals? Also do u do anal?'

How... romantic  ???

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 18 February 2010, 07:57:42 am
Im getting increasingly annoyed with the nonsense...

I keep getting a private caller every morning, and its not a bill collector because they leave messages! And then today, the same idiot who was harrassing me, calls my number today asking for a different person...from another number!

Then today...someone calls asking me, ME...if I have crystal that I can share with him. Fucking doped out ass mother ******! I cant stand it when druggies call me in some ploy to get drugs off of me.

Im a fucking hooker, not a drug dealer  >:(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: anonymoussw on 18 February 2010, 10:58:53 am
I received this charming text message on Sunday:

'A special rose Just 4 u. . . @>-%--- Filled wid luv 4 valentines day! xxmwah ALESSIAxx'

then from the same number an hour later:

'Do u provide incals? Also do u do anal?'

How... romantic  ???

Tehehehe that made me giggle...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Richard on 18 February 2010, 05:55:47 pm
I received this charming text message on Sunday:

'A special rose Just 4 u. . . @>-%--- Filled wid luv 4 valentines day! xxmwah ALESSIAxx'

then from the same number an hour later:

'Do u provide incals? Also do u do anal?'

How... romantic  ???

"They start with Byron and Shelley..."

I have had to do so much mopping up reading these over the weeks!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 19 February 2010, 10:07:37 am
Also do u do anal?'

How... romantic  ???

Anal is a service offered, not a way of courting!

Normally this would have gotten to me, but tonight was different since it was right down the street. Nevertheless, still a bit annoyed

A late night booking that I was already reluctant from the start...but decided to ignore and go anyhow. Im in this guy's neighborhood on the phone and he asks me to drive him to the bank to get the money cause it doesnt have a car. I'm just like...uh, I dont know you and Im not going to let you get into my car to drive to the bank.

At that point, I rolled up to his house, got out the car and said..."For saftey reasons, you're not getting into my car. I thought you had the money on you already  ???

What made it so tolerable is he was some cute younger guy. Either way, what the hell do I look like letting someone into my car at 3 am? I KNEW I should have just let the phone ring...but being an insomniac and all. I need help!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xxxtinyxxx on 19 February 2010, 11:57:36 pm
Hello Everyone,

Well i had an amusing day today, i had 3 walk outs one after the other here they are...

1. Doorbell goes, i check the camera, open the door, man standing there looks at me and runs away!!! WTF...I was wearing a skintight dress, killer heels, make-up on...Maybe the mirror lied and i actually look like a huge ogre!

2. Doorbell goes, i check the camera, open the door, let a smartly dressed man in, he phoned before asked for owo which i don't offer, politely tell him once again, i don't offer the service, he asks again, he must have been hard of hearing...NO!!!!

3. Doorbell goes, i once again check the camera, open the door, let an odd looking old man in (I'm not one to judge but he looked like a murderer). He asks what i do prices etc, i tell him, he then says, I'm very clean how much to lick my feet? I say sorry i don't offer that service, he then says raising the tone a little 'What amount of money do you want to lick my feet' I tell him 'What amount of money will it take to remove my shoe from your arse and for you to lick your sh*t off my shoe? Do i look like a dog? In a very polite manner, i then open the door and ask him to leave. I think he had a very low opinion of women. But hey, each to their own!


Love N' Hugz.

Mak.
xxxxxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 20 February 2010, 02:54:32 am
I was wearing a skintight dress, killer heels, make-up on...Maybe the mirror lied and i actually look like a huge ogre!

Hmmm...sounds sexy to me, I love killer heels. Looks can kill  ;D

Quote
(I'm not one to judge but he looked like a murderer).

I had a guy like that show up last weekend. It was a long, hard booking. He was just scary looking, but turned out to be a pretty nice guy for the most part. I kept thinking I'd have to whip some ass LOL.


Quote
I tell him 'What amount of money will it take to remove my shoe from your arse and for you to lick your sh*t off my shoe? Do i look like a dog? In a very polite manner, i then open the door and ask him to leave. I think he had a very low opinion of women. But hey, each to their own!

LOL, that one had me laughing my ass off...Money is not worth more than dignity. Feet licking occurs only to EXTREMELY attractive, EXTREMELY clean guys that I know EXTREMELY well. To this day, of nearly 10 years...that has not come to fruitition yet  :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xxxtinyxxx on 21 February 2010, 09:52:48 pm
I was wearing a skintight dress, killer heels, make-up on...Maybe the mirror lied and i actually look like a huge ogre!

Hmmm...sounds sexy to me, I love killer heels. Looks can kill  ;D
Quote
Well, i did feel fairly attractive or at least i thought i was up until then lol...I must say my heels that i was wearing are the sexiest stilettos Ive ever seen 6 inch stiletto heels in shocking purple...Maybe the shoes scared him? Lol!  ::)




Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 23 February 2010, 05:12:18 pm
I have to be careful not to wear too high heels. At 6ft in my stocking feet, me with 4 inch heels has been known to scare the shit out of most Irish guys.  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LadyEvil on 24 February 2010, 11:16:57 am
This just in:

"howdi sammy* i waitung u reply becous god has sent ur profil to me and i love u and my repct ur bodi. i want 2 hours booking when i will lick ur ass and french dep kiss. i then u invite to dinner of pizza in the hotel but pls do not charge becaus it is my repct for u. also u will come back with me to my country too met my family in dubai wher they wil lov u as i do and live forever in happi. pls reply i waitng u son honi baby.

your lover xoxxoox'

*my name is simone

 :o :o :o
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xw5 on 24 February 2010, 11:40:54 am
i will lick ur ass and french dep kiss.

I particularly like the way he orders them :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LadyEvil on 24 February 2010, 11:56:04 am
I know, right? How could I pass up such a golden opportunity?  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 24 February 2010, 11:59:38 am
and live forever in happi.

Where is happi? I want to go!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: amy on 24 February 2010, 12:04:40 pm
Where is happi? I want to go!

So do I! Sounds better than coldi and crappi.  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: BurlesqueHoney on 24 February 2010, 12:26:11 pm
and live forever in happi.

Where is happi? I want to go!

Me too!  Think there will be a few of us that would love to go - should I organise a coach...? ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: anonymoussw on 24 February 2010, 12:50:23 pm
Me too!  Think there will be a few of us that would love to go - should I organise a coach...? ;D

http://happiinnlasvegas.com/
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Richard on 24 February 2010, 01:51:38 pm
I didn't think it would be in Dubai. Yuck.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 24 February 2010, 02:11:31 pm
Where is happi? I want to go!

So do I! Sounds better than coldi and crappi.  ;D

;D ;D ;D

Put me down for 2 coach tickets please! I will bring my catti.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 24 February 2010, 02:14:35 pm
I just love these declarations of love coupled with bad spelling, melts the knickers it does.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 25 February 2010, 08:22:49 am
i then u invite to dinner of pizza in the hotel but pls do not charge becaus it is my repct for u. also u will come back with me to my country too met my family in dubai wher they wil lov u as i do and live forever in happi. pls reply i waitng u son honi baby.

I am in tears after reading this. So romantic, so much thought. And Pizza...Yummy.

This reminds me of a recent, particularly annoying son of a...who calls me, telling me he's going to show up in a Benz, and let me borrow his Louis Vuitton...some fag nonetheless. I was like, okay and? What the fuck does that have to do with making an appointment?

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 25 February 2010, 08:34:17 am
i then u invite to dinner of pizza in the hotel

 :o pizza? I'm there. Lol. I mean, pizza and happi? How can you resist the charmer?  ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 25 February 2010, 10:16:41 pm
People wonder why I get so irritated at the rate of things around here. well check out this email I recieved today...

"are u aware there s   and economic downturn...   and the whole country is in a pickle of a mess      u need to lower them rates"

Since it was one of those escort/dating sites...I reported it, so sooner or later I'll see that account show as 'suspended', just as several of them have been lately who has contacted me with nonsense.

My thing is, if people don't want to pay...why even contact me? It doesn't make any sense. Seems like being an escort is by the most offensive thing to people around here.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sophleeds24 on 26 February 2010, 01:21:54 pm
I had the best voicemail yesterday...

"Hi, you look really sexy. I was wondering, how much would it take for you to only see me? Because I have ?15,000 if that would be enough. I'd like you to marry me, would you do that? How about we meet up for an hour in my hotel first, if you like it then we can arrange some money."

OMG I'm SO excited... Who'da thought, me as a blushing bride... duuuur...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cat_BBW on 26 February 2010, 01:31:27 pm
I had the best voicemail yesterday...

"Hi, you look really sexy. I was wondering, how much would it take for you to only see me? Because I have ?15,000 if that would be enough. I'd like you to marry me, would you do that? How about we meet up for an hour in my hotel first, if you like it then we can arrange some money."

OMG I'm SO excited... Who'da thought, me as a blushing bride... duuuur...

"?15,000? Yes sir, that will cover 3 months of marriage. The divorce will cost you ?2million. Hope to hear from you soon!"

 8)  :D  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sophleeds24 on 26 February 2010, 01:39:37 pm
I know! I got a follow up text saying "so how much would it take for u to just be mine?"

My friend did suggest I agree to it, get him to buy me a ring then do a runner though... What a lovely chap, yep, ?15,000 will have me set for life!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 26 February 2010, 02:50:55 pm
How about we meet up for an hour in my hotel first, if you like it then we can arrange some money."

That's totally the wrong way around. ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cat_BBW on 26 February 2010, 04:59:11 pm
How about we meet up for an hour in my hotel first, if you like it then we can arrange some money."

That's totally the wrong way around. ;)

But he does say to meet in "his" hotel first - perhaps it's Mr Hilton himself!!  :o ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 27 February 2010, 12:03:56 am
I'm not sure this falls under this thread as it happened during the appointment not before, but anyway...

Right in the middle of the action, client stops to say:
'Has anyone ever told you that you look like Amanda Knox? You know, the convicted murderess?'
That's a new one on me...!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 27 February 2010, 01:23:18 am
"bbe u shaggin 2nyt. And cn u cmc c me"

Ughhhh!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Claudia on 28 February 2010, 03:53:07 pm
We have two email addresses and we got this in both so I guess others got it as well but I couldn't find it posted.

Hi love, I wana meet asap, i wana fuck u and suck my small cock pls mail me back when u ave time and ur rate for two hour, i cant waite.
 
with kisses

Well, if you want to suck your small cock, you don't have to pay us for that, go ahead... ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 01 March 2010, 12:16:39 pm
Claudia, if you had a small cock, would you want to suck it? And for two hours, good god! What a nightmare that could be, condom coming off and getting stuck in your throat, choking, the ambulance, the shame. It is better to have a professional handle these things, this is why he is calling on you. 
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 01 March 2010, 06:27:49 pm
Well I want the guy who is so long, that he needs a professional deep-throatist  :D.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: anonymoussw on 01 March 2010, 07:55:55 pm
Claudia, if you had a small cock, would you want to suck it? And for two hours, good god! What a nightmare that could be, condom coming off and getting stuck in your throat, choking, the ambulance, the shame. It is better to have a professional handle these things, this is why he is calling on you. 

Speaking as someone who has spent many a contorted teenage hour attempting to achieve the holy grail that is auto-fellatio, I can assure you that is near impossible even for those of us lucky enough to have large cocks...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 01 March 2010, 08:22:07 pm
Oh go ahead honey, blow your own horn.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Jewel on 01 March 2010, 08:57:19 pm
As Benny says, he wishes he could...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Claudia on 02 March 2010, 10:06:44 am
Violette, you're right, lol, that sounds really bad! ;D I was thinking about meeting him after all as I've never seen such a flexible guy! If I do, I'll make sure to make some nice photos and share with all of you! ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Richard on 02 March 2010, 09:10:43 pm
Speaking as someone who has spent many a contorted teenage hour attempting to achieve the holy grail that is auto-fellatio

Didn't we all? :)

I love clients with small ones. So much easier to suck.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: anonymoussw on 02 March 2010, 09:29:48 pm
I love clients with small ones. So much easier to suck.

Pah - I am a total size queen. The bigger the better :P

 :-[
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 03 March 2010, 01:23:03 am
So I don't reply to texts, but rule are there to be broken sometimes and I have been in a strange mood latetly.

Got text on sat: I want to book you for this afternoon, but can't get to shop for top up yet so could you please phone me. Thanks. James X

I didn't reply.

Sun 2pm: Can you phone please thanks
Sun 2:05: Can you phone please
 
I reply: You want to book, you call, you pay.

Him: I have no credit, but I do want to book someone. For 3 hours

Me: And I just fell out of the stupid tree!

Him: No I really do

10 min later: Please, I have the money

Me: Hahaha, no money for credit, but money to text and to have three hours of sex? Stop insulting my intelligence! Your number is now barred.

How pathetic, hehe
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 05 March 2010, 09:54:21 pm
Update from my timewaster twat, send me a text saying: who is this?

I didn't reply.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 06 March 2010, 02:52:30 am
Haha that reminds me Cass. Message on AW. "Hi" (me) Hello what can I do for you? (Him)  If you want plumbing or odd jobs done.....
How kind of him!!!!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 06 March 2010, 04:48:58 am
Speaking as someone who has spent many a contorted teenage hour attempting to achieve the holy grail that is auto-fellatio

Didn't we all? :)

I love clients with small ones. So much easier to suck.
Thb, for work, I like things nice and mid sized, easier to work with, not too much worry of condom slippage, whereas a smaller members presents all manner of logistical problems. Like the time I almost choked when I inhaled and the condom slipped completely and  because of the force I was using I almost swallowed it!  :o Oh I was using a EXS Snug-fit at the time as well. Which are indeed snug, you can do the math. Also positions, what position do you use when you are dealing with a rather small member? I have been known, to just guide some gentlemen in the back way without mentioning it; because I know they wouldn't feel anything otherwise.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 07 March 2010, 12:53:08 pm
hi, will you charge me 50 for suck and fuck? for an hour? i dont last that long anyway (5 mins max) and the rest of the time ill just want to suck your nipples and hold you.

I dont know whether to laugh or cry!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: strawberry on 07 March 2010, 02:09:09 pm
Would you meet me and my gf for nothing
No
Just to see how we get on or do u no any girls that will
No
How much for man and women and U
Call me

Numpty
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 07 March 2010, 07:32:48 pm
I dont know whether to laugh or cry!

I'd laugh. Otherwise there might be some days where you never stopped crying...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 08 March 2010, 12:27:17 am
I'd laugh. Otherwise there might be some days where you never stopped crying...

So true,

had a normal  phonecall, very respectful and friendly  :)

but then - If I make you cum will you give me a discount?

erm, let me think - NO!!!

He then tried to argue so I told him to forget it and hung up.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cat_BBW on 08 March 2010, 10:30:12 am
Ah, the youth of today!

can i cum smash that huge booty of yours babe but im 16 is that ok



Erm..... No.

Wonder if he was planning to raid his piggy bank for the fee?


My first "how not to book an escort" message -  I feel like a real escort now!  :D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: anonymoussw on 08 March 2010, 08:24:27 pm
Ah, the youth of today!

can i cum smash that huge booty of yours babe but im 16 is that ok



Erm..... No.

Wonder if he was planning to raid his piggy bank for the fee?


My first "how not to book an escort" message -  I feel like a real escort now!  :D

You'd think they'd have the common sense to at least lie about it...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 09 March 2010, 09:33:40 am
She would have known, grown men don't want to 'smash dat booty, or drop it like its hot biatch', they want to make an appointment, have a date, or visit you.

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cat_BBW on 09 March 2010, 11:24:38 am
She would have known, grown men don't want to 'smash dat booty, or drop it like its hot biatch', they want to make an appointment, have a date, or visit you.



ROFL!!! Indeed!  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Mango on 09 March 2010, 05:25:50 pm
I got this yesterday:

'Can I book you ... blablabla... normal e-mail...
You look just like my granddaughter.'

The fact that the rest is so serious makes this so creepy. 
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 14 March 2010, 03:40:08 pm


So, does this count??

 ****************
Hello there Evie hun, hows it going?

I'm sorry for the random email on this fine Saturday afternoon by the way sexy, i came across your prfoile and thought i'd try sending you one of the good old fashioned friendly msgs everyone loves, lol. Hope you dont mind?

I'm an escort to btw hun, working in London as well. And after i saw your page and all your amazing pics i basically thought it'd be nice to get chatting to you and see where it might lead. Whether it be on a personal level hopefully, or perhaps even a wild idea i have to pos work together when entertaining ladies and what not. But let me know of course if you'd like to hear more on that particular crazy idea of mine, lol.

You are one utterly beautiful lady btw sexypants!!! (Not like i'm telling you something you dont already know there, lol) Add me on msn as well if you like hun. Its (deluded@deluded.com) Be easier to chat on there possibly, plus i can send you some pics of myself to if you'd like to see them? Cant have us nattering away and you not even know what I look like now can we, hehe.

Well hopefully hear from you soon sexy

*******************


I don't know if it counts as trying to "book me" since it is basically a fella who doesn't know how to speak to women, or strangers, and who fancies himself an 'escort' and would like a free fuck...

but it did bring the LOL's in a big way :)

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 14 March 2010, 05:40:30 pm
Aww, I thought it was sort of cute. Most of those requests are a few lines, but he really made a proper go of it! And he can spell, too! I give him an 8 out of 10 for effort.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: anonymoussw on 14 March 2010, 05:50:13 pm
Aww, I thought it was sort of cute. Most of those requests are a few lines, but he really made a proper go of it! And he can spell, too! I give him an 8 out of 10 for effort.

Even if he does write like a middle-aged fruit...  :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 14 March 2010, 08:10:31 pm
I hope he includes a free essay and/or poem on what a sexy hunny darling sexypants you are with every booking. Gosh. What's his number? I can't hold myself back! :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Annabelle on 14 March 2010, 09:38:15 pm
Email the other day:

[Illiterate]: Hi. Do you do facials?
[Me]: Check my profile for services provided and fees.
[Illiterate]: How much for facials?
[Me]: Check my profile for services provided and fees.
[Illiterate]: I just want to cum on your face, how much for 5 minutes?
[Me]: Are you even looking at my profile?
[Illiterate]: Yeah, you're well sexy babe.
[Me]: Right, so the part where it clearly states the SERVICES PROVIDED and FEES as well as the highlighted part that the minimum booking time is 1 HOUR if you live in the stated areas is confusing to you?
[Illiterate]: So I have to pay for an hour even if I want 5 minutes?
[Me]: No flies on you!

Hour later:

[Illiterate]: Do you know anyone else who will meet me for 5 minutes?
[Me]: Try the search button.
[Illiterate]: Anyone at all you could recommend?
[Me]: Sure but I charge a referral fee and she has her on rates too.
[Illiterate]: How much?
[Me]: ?70 for the referral, plus her rates which starts of at a minimum booking time of 1 hour...

Well worth not hearing from the charming gentleman again (and no, I don't charge a referral fee - wouldn't have recommended him either mind but still)... he even had the audacity to ask me if I was educated as he "only likes smart birds"...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 14 March 2010, 11:59:13 pm

 he even had the audacity to ask me if I was educated as he "only likes smart birds"...

 Haha, golly... well, at least he isn't just interested in your face :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Annabelle on 15 March 2010, 12:20:30 am

 he even had the audacity to ask me if I was educated as he "only likes smart birds"...

 Haha, golly... well, at least he isn't just interested in your face :)

Ah, this is true and I can at least take some comfort from that. Have to say, when I eventually stopped questioning my sanity, I did have a good chuckle about it.  :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 15 March 2010, 01:18:35 am
I had a winner today.

Him: "How big can you take x"
Me:  "I don't keep a ruler next to my bed hun. I've been able to take everything I've been offered so far ;)"
Him: "It's as big as a sky remote but not as fat lol"
 

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 15 March 2010, 02:30:34 am

Him: "It's as big as a sky remote but not as fat lol"


PSML! Practical guy
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: onagainoffagainGFE on 15 March 2010, 02:54:44 am
The following is a recent phone conversation, but also a masterpiece in low-balling:

Him: Hello. Is this [Jane]?

Me: This is she.

Him: I don't see any half-hour rates listed on your ad.

Me: That is because I don't offer them. Visits begin at 1 hour's length.

Him: But what if I only wanted a 1/2 hour?

Me: I don't offer that.

Him: But, say, I only wanted to see you for a half hour.

Me:  No.

Him: S0, no half hour?

Me: You are very welcome to stay a half hour, but you will be charged the full hour rate.

*Click"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: jezebella on 15 March 2010, 10:24:51 am
I got this yesterday:

how much would u want for u to let me rape u
i would want one hour of time and i would want u to act as if u was really getting raped asking me to stop trying to get away ect .....
plus in that hour any think go's im 27 i aint ulgy or fat i just got a dirty sick mind lol
name ur price if its realistck i will book u

No thanks!!


Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Jewel on 15 March 2010, 01:37:39 pm

Him: "It's as big as a sky remote but not as fat lol"


PSML! Practical guy

Practical? I can vividly imagine him in front of his TV with his remote in one hand and... you know the rest... Sad, sad people we get from time to time. Will never take a remote in my hand ever again.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 15 March 2010, 02:17:23 pm
Got a bit of genius today as well, it's obviously a good week for it. The history behind this one is that I have actually talked to this guy before - he texted me for a booking and then spent another 30 texts or so asking detailed questions about my services and trying to persuade me that he was a straight male escort looking for someone to do couples work with - sounded like asking for freebies to me and I said no to that. He still seemed interested in the booking, but was only free on an evening I wasn't available. He said he'd text back another time and I figured that was it, time wasting done.

This morning:

Him: R u up 4 a drink then? X
Me: I'm up for a booking. I don't socialise for free.
Him: Awww go on, if we shag al stil pay ya x [Generous, isn't he?]
Me: No. I have friends and a boyfriend, I do not need to drink with clients.
Him: Do u have any single mates?
Me: They don't date my clients either. If you want to pay for sex use adultwork.com, if you want free sex use match.com. Tbh it'll end up costing you either way. Hooking you up with freebies is not a service I provide.

Heard nothing back since, haha. Got to love the guy's confidence - because I'm going to give out the numbers of all the single ladies I know to a guy I've never met or even seen a picture of. Classy as.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 15 March 2010, 02:57:01 pm
Me: They don't date my clients either. If you want to pay for sex use adultwork.com, if you want free sex use match.com. Tbh it'll end up costing you either way. Hooking you up with freebies is not a service I provide.

Ha! Love this. ;D

What a knob!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Claudia on 15 March 2010, 05:36:42 pm
This is nothing compared to these gems and I don't really know if it counts as booking attempt or what but I got this text yesterday night (around 4 AM)

Orangeee!!

That's it! ;D I have no idea what this means :-\
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 15 March 2010, 06:31:49 pm
Meant to post this a couple of days ago, last post just reminded me.

Got text at 0:57 am 'Are you free tonight'  (profile clearly states you need to get in touch before 10pm if you want early morn appointment so ignored it and attempted to go back to sleep - had to be up at 4am for flight so was far from unimpressed...)

1:49 am Same guy texts back, waking me up again. This time, in fluent Spanish. Which I don't speak a word of. French or German, yes. Spanish, no. Needless to say, the inconsiderate man won't be seeing me anytime soon... x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexxx on 17 March 2010, 08:43:09 pm
Got this yesterday:
I'm 26 when you free to ride my dick.

Erm, never. Idiot.

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexxx on 17 March 2010, 08:46:21 pm
Do U av msn. Lke big cocked toi bois.

Where do I start with this one? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
Some days I have to stop myself from stamping on the phone. So many dickheads, so little time......lol x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 18 March 2010, 12:21:58 am
Oh Miss Alex! Ive made a text template for just that sort of enquiry.
It says, "Is this a game? Are we playing 'Who's that w*nker?"  ;D
Im dying to use it!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sophleeds24 on 22 March 2010, 01:17:33 pm
Oh, looks like I complained about it being quiet too soon...

"hi babe am 15 n have a gf but she wunt let me do her up the bum cud i do u for 30 quid?"

!!!

I just don't know where to start.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cat_BBW on 22 March 2010, 01:24:49 pm
Oh, looks like I complained about it being quiet too soon...

"hi babe am 15 n have a gf but she wunt let me do her up the bum cud i do u for 30 quid?"

!!!

I just don't know where to start.

Oh bless.  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 22 March 2010, 02:02:27 pm
Oh, looks like I complained about it being quiet too soon...

"hi babe am 15 n have a gf but she wunt let me do her up the bum cud i do u for 30 quid?"

!!!

I just don't know where to start.

LOL. It's like he read through this thread and took notes from every other weirdo mentioned so that he could be the BEST OF THE BEST in regards to nauseating a sex worker. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sophleeds24 on 22 March 2010, 02:23:55 pm
I really wanted to respond, but I'm not sure I could get my (many) points across without offending him...
Bless!!

No bloody wonder is girlfriend won't let him...  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: anonymoussw on 22 March 2010, 04:32:44 pm
Oh, looks like I complained about it being quiet too soon...

"hi babe am 15 n have a gf but she wunt let me do her up the bum cud i do u for 30 quid?"

!!!

I just don't know where to start.

Hahahahaha! That made my day...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sophleeds24 on 22 March 2010, 05:31:33 pm
And here's a fab email I've just got on AW... This is fantastic. I'm definitely going ahead, I can see making millions from it!  ;)

(Sorry for the lack of spacing... I thought you needed the full effect of the message!)

Hi, I recently mailed you about a booking which you had to refuse due to the fact that it was not worth your while getting a hotel booked. Well I am offering to help you in a big way. Please read this mail as it wont cost you anything, if your not interested at the end them just bin it! My wife is also an escort on this site and we work as a team and earn a great deal. (She does the work really, I just do the admin and site management) if you want to spend time in a hotel I can tell/show you how to earn between 350 to 750 pound a day. If you do a couple days in a row you will make average 1000 to 1200 pounds a time. I am not interested in any money from you or neither am I wanting to take any pics for myself. I will have to meet you to show you how its all done, from then its all up to you. I am not messing you about or lying to you. You just need to know what you need to do, when and some other very important things. I promise you will be amazed at real earnings to be made. Me and my wife work for us 2, thats it. We involve nobody else. All I ask from you is a little fun when we meet. Honestly, this is not just a load of rubbish to get a free booking, it is a gen offer. If I have a good time with you I will be back for more paying your normal rates. One last thing, whatever I tell you and show you please keep to yourself. A handfull of escorts with this info is fine but too many would mean less money for us. Lol know what I mean? Well let me know, after all this wont cost you but will I promise make you alot of money. If you decide to go for it then get back asap, if not then would you mind just sending a quick message? Like "no thanks" or something. Thank you. You are the 1st person I have contacted about this please think hard about it before saying no. Take care x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Claudia on 22 March 2010, 06:32:45 pm
Sophleeds24, this is UNBELIEVABLE!!! :o :o :o
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sophleeds24 on 22 March 2010, 07:22:21 pm
That's what I thought!
Like he actually thinks there's some trick to it?!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Claudia on 22 March 2010, 07:53:15 pm
Quote
One last thing, whatever I tell you and show you please keep to yourself. A handfull of escorts with this info is fine but too many would mean less money for us. [/i]

Oh, Sophleeds, you're so generous, now we can all get the email address of this gentleman from you, follow his advice and make this kind of money, although it means "less money for you"! ;D

But really, it's so disgusting! >:(
This mail sounds like this:
 "Hi, I know you're only a ho so you are naturally greedy and very very stupid so I can take advantage and I will!" - translated by Claudia. ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Annabelle on 22 March 2010, 08:16:18 pm
Shit; here I was completely wasting my time today getting ?500... I thought I had some tricks up my sleeve. Still, what an offer!! Oooh, to be part of an exclusive club where you can learn the secrets to earning ?750 a day if you give him a freebie... I can see why you're tempted!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sophleeds24 on 22 March 2010, 08:27:37 pm
I really like the "if you're not interested, just say no thanks"
Or, I could just block you for being an absolute plonker!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Annabelle on 22 March 2010, 08:34:58 pm
I really like the "if you're not interested, just say no thanks"
Or, I could just block you for being an absolute plonker!

Has his "wife" sent you a message yet? I'm curious as to what their "set up" is really like...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sophleeds24 on 22 March 2010, 08:45:04 pm
When I get back tonight and I'm not on my blackberry, I'll post the username up. Its something like stu and angel and they're in Liverpool.
Read the profile description... I'm not sure which one of them is supposed to be using the profile!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sophleeds24 on 22 March 2010, 08:46:56 pm
Just checked, its angel_and_stu7117
X
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Annabelle on 22 March 2010, 09:02:22 pm
Blimey!! That's quite a profile!! Wife's younger sister?! WTF?!?!

Email definitely does not reflect that profile at all. And for all their "success", that's a very low rating...

You sure know how to attract them! :D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Claudia on 22 March 2010, 09:37:16 pm
Well, for me this is the absolute winner of this world championship! He managed to be ridiculous, amusing, disgusting and  totally stupid in one single mail! I simply MUST write him (them?) and ask for this magic formula, what's that freebie I'll have to give him compared to the millions I'll earn!! Annabelle, you should do this too and then you won't have to work for a measly 500 per day! Come on, girls, let's go for the millions! ;D ;D

Oh, and did you read their feedbacks? :P There is a gem too  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Annabelle on 22 March 2010, 09:45:39 pm
Well, for me this is the absolute winner of this world championship! He managed to be ridiculous, amusing, disgusting and  totally stupid in one single mail! I simply MUST write him (them?) and ask for this magic formula, what's that freebie I'll have to give him compared to the millions I'll earn!! Annabelle, you should do this too and then you won't have to work for a measly 500 per day! Come on, girls, let's go for the millions! ;D ;D

Oh, and did you read their feedbacks? :P There is a gem too  ;D

I'm rather inclined to think he should be messaging ME for tips - after all, 500 for 4 hours, not even so much as a BJ required... damn, I'm so good, I scare myself... :D :D

But the feedback - honestly, I've needed something to make me laugh for a few days now but I have to say, what a beauty of a post from Sophie - I really don't think I can get something of that calibre...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sophleeds24 on 22 March 2010, 11:26:13 pm
Haha! I was almost crying laughing when I read it, its just fantastic.
Thankfully I saw one of my lovely regulars tonight which gave me some faith!

The wife's younger sister part got me too... What a family! ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 23 March 2010, 09:26:23 am
Haha! I was almost crying laughing when I read it, its just fantastic.
Thankfully I saw one of my lovely regulars tonight which gave me some faith!

The wife's younger sister part got me too... What a family! ;D

Bleurgh, I looked at the profile too! :P

And yes, after witnessing things like that it's such a relief to remember that for us, our own work is actually enjoyable and pleasant and nobody has to do anything to anyone's younger sister!

The whole thing is quite ironic really. 'Stu' & co are obviously not getting enough interest so he/they decided to go spamming ridiculous 'business' ideas to real working escorts who are doing it right, and who therefore have no interest in freebies or partnering up with random desperate weirdos. Ah, Stu. If only you knew.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sophleeds24 on 23 March 2010, 11:18:02 am
This is not my week... Bit of a rant coming up here lol, I need to vent!

I recently advertised on my AW blog that I was looking for a driver - I had some ridiculous applications, and some pretty nice ones from genuine men who were respectful, polite, and understood the role.

I also recieved LOADS of emails from one man named Chris, who works full time in Tesco as a manager (great, so no spare time to drive me around...).

Not only did he refer to me as "honey", "sweetheart" and "baby", he gave me an incorrect telephone number TWICE. I emailed him and said I'd filled the position and wouldn't be interviewing anyone else (a lie, but he was boring me).

Today, I get a booking request on AW.

"1 hour, ?60. We can talk about me being your driver, then have some hot sex =)"

SO - me being me, and in a pretty arsey mood already, I typed out a lovely email to him...

Hi.

Firstly - my outcall rate for 1 hour is ?100, not ?60. I'm not sure why you thought you were a candidate for a discounted rate, as I state on my profile I do not give discounts to anyone.

Secondly, I wouldn't engage in any form of sexual activity with a prospective employee, be it in my personal or business life.

Thirdly, may I ask - did you go into your interview at Tesco referring to your interviewer/prospective employer as "honey"?
I'd bet quite a bit that you didn't, and I don't understand why you thought it was acceptable to refer to me in that way.

When you responded to the advert, you were applying for a job. I would have been your employer, you would have been paid in cash and certainly would not have been giving any "freebies" or discounted rates.

I am running a business, I pay taxes, and I am looking for a professional employee who conducts their business with such standards.

Please refrain from sending me anymore correspondence, it will be ignored.


I pressed send... to find out he's deleted his AW profile. Either that, or he's been suspended. I'm so mad, I wanted to give him a piece of my mind!! ARGH.

WHY!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LondonEvie on 23 March 2010, 11:20:25 am


I pressed send... to find out he's deleted his AW profile. Either that, or he's been suspended. I'm so mad, I wanted to give him a piece of my mind!! ARGH.

WHY!

 Awww, shame! good for you though, that was well done :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 23 March 2010, 03:27:20 pm
Awww, shame! good for you though, that was well done :)

Seconded!

The last guy who sent me "I'll be your driver because I think you're a silly whore who'll give me free sex" spam got a brief and snarky reply, too! Plus, WHY do men register on Adultwork as "bigpenis69" or any variation thereof and then think that receiving emails from them makes any woman do anything but snicker? Honestly, hearing that "pussylicker82" or "c0ckdrill3r" want to be my driver fills me with a vague sense of dread. ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 23 March 2010, 07:38:30 pm
WHY do men register on Adultwork as "bigpenis69" or any variation thereof and then think that receiving emails from them makes any woman do anything but snicker?

I suppose it's just the same instinct that causes people to register on Lord Of The Rings boards as "Frodo2000". For most sites it's just a bit tedious, but when the topic is sex you get the disconcerting feeling that you're surrounded by 13-year-olds.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Claudia on 25 March 2010, 11:02:43 am
It seems that I always get really stupid texts :-\

I got this today:

"The boys from paisley stuck it right up the catholiic choirboy molestors!"

 ??? ??? ??? ???
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cherrylips on 25 March 2010, 12:57:03 pm
Claudia

I shall explain!  St Mirren (a football team from Paisley, Scotland) were playing Celtic (a football team from Glasgow, Scotland and known as a catholic football team) last night.  

The latest headlines regarding the sexual abuse carried out by Catholic priests is what prompted the 'catholic choirboy molestors' part of the text.  St Mirren won 4-0  :o which prompted the 'stuck it right up' part of the text!!

I think its safe to say whoever texted doesn't support Celtic!



Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 25 March 2010, 06:03:29 pm
Gentlemen calls me today, and asks how much for a bj, he is 40 and has never had a BJ, I am so sorry to say I busted out laughing.  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Claudia on 25 March 2010, 07:59:34 pm
Thank you, that makes sense now!! :D

I still don't get it though...why would anyone text this to me? Maybe he wanted to start a conversation with it? ??? It was a great thing to wake up to this anyway :D

Violette, that's funny ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cherrylips on 25 March 2010, 09:26:14 pm
Thank you, that makes sense now!! :D

I still don't get it though...why would anyone text this to me? Maybe he wanted to start a conversation with it? ??? It was a great thing to wake up to this anyway :D

Violette, that's funny ;D ;D ;D

Its possible that it was sent to your number by mistake?   I have had random messages sent to both my work and non-work.  In fact I bought a brand new cheapy PAYG phone a couple of months ago for work and took it out the box, charged it, switched it on and a text came through saying 'happy birthday you old bastard'!!  How bizarre!!  (No it wasn't my birthday!)

Anyway i'm getting way off topic here sorry everyone xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 25 March 2010, 10:32:26 pm
A lovely timewaster tonight:

"do u do facial?"
"No, sorry, I don't offer facial."
"wat do u do?"
"My full list of services is on my profile."
"how much 2 wank on ur face covered in oil?"
"I don't do facial and I don't work with oil."
"well wat do u do?"

DONE WITH THAT CIRCULAR BULLSHIT NOW.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 25 March 2010, 11:02:14 pm
I still don't get it though...why would anyone text this to me? Maybe he wanted to start a conversation with it? ??? It was a great thing to wake up to this anyway :D

It sounds like the sort of thing people send to everyone in their phone book. I get those now and then.

Krystal: texts are bad! Don't do it!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sophleeds24 on 26 March 2010, 06:55:04 am
YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!

Stupid Chris "Honey Bunny" Driver reactivated his account... and messaged me saying "Hi sweetie, did you get my booking request?"

COPY... PASTE... SEND!

 ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Claudia on 26 March 2010, 10:12:09 am
Yes, it's very likely that he sent it to everyone ;D Anyway, I feel much better now that you solved this little mystery for me :D Maybe I will have to start a thread called "What did he mean by this text?" I get so many stupid texts that I don't get  and as I never reply to texts, my life is filled with unsolved text mysteries::)

"how much 2 wank on ur face covered in oil?"

 ??? This sounds bad... :-\
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cat_BBW on 26 March 2010, 11:04:11 am
YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!

Stupid Chris "Honey Bunny" Driver reactivated his account... and messaged me saying "Hi sweetie, did you get my booking request?"

COPY... PASTE... SEND!

 ;D

*cheers and dances*  ;D

PurLEEEEEASE let us know if he replies!!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sophleeds24 on 26 March 2010, 11:21:28 am

*cheers and dances*  ;D

PurLEEEEEASE let us know if he replies!!

He's read it, no response yet though... =(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 26 March 2010, 11:49:12 pm

"how much 2 wank on ur face covered in oil?"

 ??? This sounds bad... :-\

Why the oil though?  ???
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 26 March 2010, 11:56:18 pm
Is he covered in oil, or is your face covered in oil? x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 26 March 2010, 11:59:04 pm
This email made me want to pop the shit out of this guy:

Maybe, although in Dallas I think your prices are a little high. There are some hot guys who do what you do for $100--and one or two for even less.  That's not to demean your service.  I'm sure it's exquisite. But it's a buyer's market, my friend.

Another reason why cheap whores need to stop selling themselves cheap. Its enough that these idiots are getting on my damn nerves, its another that 'we' escorts are selling ourselves for shit pay.

edit: I know that sounds a bit harsh, but I had a friend who told me about how the buyer's have conquered one city, just by doing that. At first, he was charging 140. Then, another guy would pop up and charge 20 bucks less. The client would then go to the other guy and say, "well so and so is doing it for such and such." Then, my friend would lower his to such and such rate, and so and so would lower it 20 dollars less than that.

Apparently that went on for many months, to the point where the market is so fucking cheap, that its considered perfectly normal to do full service for chump change. I just wanted to slap my friend for playing that game  >:(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 29 March 2010, 09:38:38 pm
My response would be:
Thank you for your thoughtful  and insightful email. It does seem rather funny that you would single me out to 'inform' me as you say of the current pricing situation. If my price is out of your range, fair enough. It is understandable in these economic times, luxury items such as this are not as affordable as they once were. But I am sure if you keep looking you will find exactly what you are looking for, or who knows you may win the lottery and then you can afford to book me. Until then, please do not bother me with any more of your inane, and insulting emails. There is no need to respond to this.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 29 March 2010, 10:21:41 pm
Oh dear! I get nice texts sometimes from TW no124. Last time he tried to get me in a sext convo I gave him a choice. Leave me alone, warning board, cant remember third choice but didnt hear back from him lol.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Annabelle on 29 March 2010, 10:57:14 pm
I got an email this morning from a guy on AW who is in 2 minds as to whether or not he'll book me. Kinda made up his mind for him as this is what I woke up to (the previous email I sent him was explaining that I have an active, and rather enjoyable life outside of escorting and therefore, don't seek to see more than 4 clients a week):


600 a week for 40 weeks is 24,000 a year after tax or equivalent of 30,000 a year before tax and NI... which is not a huge salary for the health risks and other risks involved... it would be almost as risky as a soldier's job... your body is on the front line and god knows how many bugs men carry around these days... One bug in particular is called the human papillomavirus (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_papillomavirus) or called HPV.

HPV is carried by most people including myself! The body normally identify it and usually neutralise it but I am no expert... you can get it even if you use protected sex and my guess is that you probably have it in one form or more... the good news is that it is inoffensive with some exception but the bad news is that it is undetectable unless symptoms arise... in my case, I ended up with genital warts given by an HPV form my partner gave me... I never had any problem except since I am with her! Now, it is all sorted but gosh, be careful and get screene checked regularly to avoid cervical cancer which is the worse that can happen to a woman who has got the HPV virus...

I know it is not fun to talk about but your job is a risky one and earning 30,000 before tax is easy with a bit of studying without having to sleep with loads of men... I use to earn myself 130,000 in the City and it is now because I am a rocket scientist - just a bit of dedication and effort and you will find yourself something in the social sciences arena much better...

Well, I did not do your job and still ended up with it from a woman who had not slept with many guys - I think I am her 4th or 5th guys in her lifetime... she had few women experience 2-3 women but nothing of the magnitude of most of us... all this to say, even the quite people are at risks...

Sorry for my dark email this morning... I just hope you are not taking to many chances.



Sexy huh? Can you imagine what scrutiny I would be under if I actually met the bloke?! And whilst he's got a point about the risks involved and what not, I'm a bloody professional for God's sake, even if I am new!! Begs the question why he's seeking services in the first place if he feels that strongly about one's health...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 29 March 2010, 11:41:34 pm
 Message:You look great. I would like to spend an hour with you and have repeat sessions. In addition to conventional things I like to receiveve a very hard caning.Do you have any ratan canes?Do you deliver severe canings?Are you willing to receive a few strokes? Hope we can give each other great pleasure.Love Graham.
Need I say more ladies? Or is the gold medal his?!!!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 30 March 2010, 06:25:32 am
My response would be:

I finally worked up enough nerve to say, "Just because YOU cant afford it, doesn't make it too expensive"  >:(  He couldn't even respond. And...a buyer's market? Please. If that statement was true, then escorts would be charging $1 for an overnight, because men would talk us that low if we let them  >:(  >:(  >:(    Just today, some guy cheapskate was trying to get me to come to a downtown location (which means I have to pay for parking upon arrival) for $10 bucks less because he quote "didnt feel like going to the atm as it would cost him more to get out the money".

You dummy....

So I'm supposed to lose money on parking and coming to you just because you dont want to take your fat ass to the ATM  >:(

Sexy huh? Can you imagine what scrutiny I would be under if I actually met the bloke?! And whilst he's got a point about the risks involved and what not, I'm a bloody professional for God's sake, even if I am new!! Begs the question why he's seeking services in the first place if he feels that strongly about one's health...

No real client would be talking that sort of shit. He's obviously one of those escort-hater men who hate escorts. Bitter. The same guys who send me emails saying my rate is too much and that other guys are hanging from the chandeliers for $50  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 30 March 2010, 08:08:22 am
Urgh, Annabelle, I've had similar email dealings with one or two weirdos like that in the past! One booked and showed up only to leave within two minutes but then spent rather a loooong time composing endless emails to me about how dangerous my job is and how I must have given him a lump on his penis (despite us not having touched or undressed or ANYTHING!). I told him to go to the bloody GUM clinic and piss off, lol, but he kindly kept me in the loop with dozens more emails about his thoughts and fears. I had to block his email address

The thing that scares me is not understanding these guys' mindsets. I'm inclined to agree with Joey, there's definitely some creepy hatred/fear going on so maybe they're deeply repressed? Or maybe they see themselves as real superheroes, going round spreading (slightly incorrect) information about STIs to the women who know far more than most about them?

I dunno! I was freaked out for ages after that guy. :(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 30 March 2010, 05:45:38 pm
They both sound like they suffer from cyprianophobia, an intense fear of prostitutes and venereal diseases. 
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 04 April 2010, 05:56:32 pm
I just got this text:

Hi babes just bought stuff 4 my car will u do 1hr for 90 plz il cum loads x

 :D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 04 April 2010, 06:43:23 pm
I just got this text:

Hi babes just bought stuff 4 my car will u do 1hr for 90 plz il cum loads x

 :D
So  is he wanting to shag you bending over said car I wonder? How exciting! It reminds me of the time a client was interested in having sex in my communal garden in broad daylight. I felt like  suggesting we try it in front of his own house!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 04 April 2010, 07:10:34 pm
I just got this text:

Hi babes just bought stuff 4 my car will u do 1hr for 90 plz il cum loads x

 :D

LOL, what a delightful gift for you. Maybe he's been reading SAAFE and the thread about that guy who came 12 times in 4 hours or whatever it was!

PS On a side note, I'm actually getting the creeps now finding out just how many clients/weirdos read SAAFE.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 05 April 2010, 01:33:21 am
So  is he wanting to shag you bending over said car I wonder? How exciting! It reminds me of the time a client was interested in having sex in my communal garden in broad daylight. I felt like  suggesting we try it in front of his own house!

Glad it's not just me that gets these idiots. Communal gardens and my local park are out of the question!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: strawberry on 05 April 2010, 10:28:47 am
By text;

"Can u do free meet"
"No"
"Free sex"
"No"
"Ok well do u no any women tht will do it for free"
"Try down the pub or local night club"
"Come on u must no some one"

Sorry I was playing with him for fun and did stop there - but it's true! Same guy text me few weeks ago asking if I'd meet him and his GF for free, to see if we got on.

Regards the garden thing I've had a guy ring a couple of times asking about a booking, sounds genuine then asks whether I'm in a flat or house - turns out he wants to have his balls kicked in the garden.  :o
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 05 April 2010, 12:40:29 pm
Regards the garden thing I've had a guy ring a couple of times asking about a booking, sounds genuine then asks whether I'm in a flat or house - turns out he wants to have his balls kicked in the garden.  :o

Haha. I'll do that in the local park. :P

This one isn't a championship contender, but I'll give him an honourable mention.

I was at a party Saturday night. Lots of pole dancers and men only allowed in drag. I took my work phone with me because I'd got drunk with a local comedian the night before and he was excited about putting on his sequined dress and coming along, so I gave him my business card and told him to call.

So anyway, we'd established that he wasn't coming but my phone was still out, and as I was about to do a turn on the pole it was ringing. I thought I should shut it up so I answered and a guy said he wanted to see me as soon as possible. I said that wasn't going to happen tonight so he asked me when I'd be available. I said I don't know, I'm at a party, call me tomorrow. He said he'd been looking at my site for months or years or something and had just got up the nerve to call me. I said I have to go on stage. Call me at noon, hope you won't be too nervous. He said he probably would be and I said oh well, bye.

I felt a bit bad about not helping him get over his fear of short prostitutes on the phone until I realised that the conversation had happened at about 1.30am. Fuck that. If that's the only time you can deal with talking to me, it's not going to happen.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 05 April 2010, 04:12:47 pm
He texted me again today!

Babe at wat time r u free? once i get my car fixed i want to see u fucking feelin really horny xx

Ooh I wonder if he's paying me with a car instead of cash?  ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cat_BBW on 05 April 2010, 06:13:55 pm
Someone with 2 aliases on AW (one has 2 negs) has sent out 213 emails, made one booking, sent this tempting offer to me:

can i cum to see you today i need to have sex today


 ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cat_BBW on 06 April 2010, 11:28:09 am
Just a whinge - some guy named T**i keeps phoning between 8 and 9 in the evening, wanting me to go to East London that very day by 10pm for a 3 or 4 hour outcall. I've told him - repeatedly - that he needs to contact me earlier in the day (cos I can't get ready and get to East London in less than an hour), and the booking needs to start earlierbut he's paying no attention. I've filed him under "NO" now.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 09 April 2010, 10:32:50 pm
Got this tonight, not really a booking, but made me laugh... and think 'hypocrite'!

'You are very beautiful, and seem to be with a high degree of culture and intelligence; why wasting yourself and your future in this ugly profession? If you were my girl friend or my wife I will be the happiest person in this world, why do you allow scum of human beings to put their dirty hands on you while you are like the precious jewel? sorry for bothering you and you can neglect me mail if you did not like it.'

Why look on AW if you think escorting is such an ugly profession? Men, eh. x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 10 April 2010, 06:58:32 am
Why look on AW if you think escorting is such an ugly profession? Men, eh. x

Ok, I'm sick of this shit!

Lets all make our own reality show...and show the world all of our meticulously clean clients, who respect our boundaries and treat us well. Cause apparently, the world thinks we are walking the streets with blisters on our soles, hanging from the chandeliers for a dollar...and that these men are all truck drivers or mechanics with greasy hands....

F-ing Hollywood movies, making everyone think we are infected no-bodies  :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Maiya on 10 April 2010, 10:05:50 pm
Hello Alexa. My name is Maiya and I'm new in this site.
Your last post is really funny!!!
It  made me laugh  :D :D :D :D :D :D
This man is really strange!!!!!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Maiya on 11 April 2010, 01:16:33 pm
Why look on AW if you think escorting is such an ugly profession? Men, eh. x

...the world thinks we are walking the streets with blisters on our soles, hanging from the chandeliers for a dollar...and that these men are all truck drivers or mechanics with greasy hands....


The world is strange... I understand you!
I have a university education and my clients are often polite people. But sometimes there are people who write  to me things without sensitivity. Of course, I refuse their request of booking
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 12 April 2010, 01:27:42 pm
Regards the garden thing I've had a guy ring a couple of times asking about a booking, sounds genuine then asks whether I'm in a flat or house - turns out he wants to have his balls kicked in the garden.  :o

Haha. I'll do that in the local park. :P

Hmm. I just had a "general enquiry" regarding ball busting, which ended with him asking if I'd be willing to do it in public.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 12 April 2010, 04:14:23 pm
Ball busting in public? Tell him to look Joey up heheh!
Just kidding Joey.  :P  :-*
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 12 April 2010, 04:30:41 pm
Has anyone actually had a proper ball busting booking? I've had the CBT guys where I've tied up their bits and slapped them about, but no kicking or punching. The ones who talk about that all seem to be fantsists, except one guy that I did gentle ball busting with, which I still think is hilarious.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Hermione on 12 April 2010, 09:41:13 pm
Has anyone actually had a proper ball busting booking? I've had the CBT guys where I've tied up their bits and slapped them about, but no kicking or punching. The ones who talk about that all seem to be fantsists, except one guy that I did gentle ball busting with, which I still think is hilarious.

I had a guy who was really into the CBT and brought a very wide range of toys.  When he emailed for a booking I believed none of it, and just said yes for fun, figuring that he'd never be heard from again.  I got the shock of my life when he actually booked and showed. 
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 13 April 2010, 12:25:54 am
I've done plenty of CBT and I haven't found the general stuff to be timewaster fodder, so I wouldn't think one particular subset of it would be so different, but it is. If they want them squeezed and poked I know I've got a good two hours coming, but if they want them punched I know it's all talk.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 15 April 2010, 11:42:22 pm
Had a winner last night - at 3am no less, when I was just heading to bed. I replied due to insomnia, boredom, and unlimited free texts.

"Do u for a ps3x"
"No, cash only."
"awwww"
"Sell it, then you'll have cash."
"dnt u want it like"
"No, I have a Wii, they're better."
"lol the aint"
"Well I like it."
"why dnt u pak in working n go with me lol"
"Because I have a boyfriend and a great job, and you are broke except for a ps3, and I don't know you. Off to bed, goodnight!"
"i aint broke jst got snt 2 ps3 thts al"

Went to sleep after that. Insomnia = cured, at least!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 15 April 2010, 11:46:48 pm
"Do u for a ps3x"

Haha, I can just imagine him knocking at your door with a PlayStation and a hard on!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 15 April 2010, 11:50:54 pm
He's probably about 14  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 16 April 2010, 12:28:03 am
Ugh, it's like I cursed myself by posting in this thread. Had a guy texting from two different numbers, each time enquiring about a booking (different time and date each time which is why I didn't twig it was the same one), then at the point of my confirming and just before giving the address "oh by the way I like to do coke during the appointment, hope that's ok".

Just... wtf? Particularly trying it -twice-. Like I'm going to revise my drugs policy in the space of half an hour? Really?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 16 April 2010, 05:19:30 am
Oh go on, you know you want to..It will only be talcum powder/flour to make him look well hard! Im sorry, im probably old enough to have a son his age. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Maiya on 17 April 2010, 12:31:32 am
Had a winner last night - at 3am no less, when I was just heading to bed. I replied due to insomnia, boredom, and unlimited free texts.

"Do u for a ps3?

Oh! Noooo, I can't believe this!!!
PS3!!!  :D :D :D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Maiya on 17 April 2010, 12:59:28 pm
This morning I discovered that in the kitchen there is a water leak in the wall, it has ruined the furniture and I was already nervous about this. My mobile rang, I calmed down and...

ME: Hallo!
CLIENT: Goodmorning, bla bla bla..
... ...
... ....

CLIENT: Can I see you just to speak with you?
ME: Yes
CLIENT: I would like to invite you for dinner.
ME: Okay, I always enjoy going to dinner with someone.
CLIENT: If I pay for dinner and I do not ask you to go to bed, is it fine for you?
ME: Sure, my prices are for the time you spend with me, the after dinner is just a thing  between consenting adults.
CLIENT: But then this means that I must also pay the time that I will spend with you.
ME: Yes
CLIENT: Can you make an exception?
ME: No because this is for me a temporary and part-time job so my time with you has a price.
CLIENT: Please, this time only. Can you make an exception?
ME: I've told you NO... >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(


Later, I had a shower and I feel better now... :D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 17 April 2010, 01:36:27 pm
Ooh, the whiny persistant ones make me feel quite gross, even if they're just on the phone! Showers are always needed afterwards! Glad you managed to wash that creep away. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 17 April 2010, 06:14:43 pm
We really ought to split this section into catergories me thinks. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Jewel on 18 April 2010, 05:48:16 pm
I'm pro categories (and a pro generally). We can have Creep, Whiny Creep, Creepy Creep, Mean Creep, SuperCreep and Arsehole ones.

I don't answer the phone after midnight but do go to bed rather late usually. A call at 2.30am. Ignore it. It rings off and starts again. And then again. The fourth time it rings, I answer - just out of curiosity.

Me: Good morning.
Him: Can you come to my hotel in 30mins?
Me: No.
Him: Why?
Me: Because I don't feel like it.
Him (angry): You f*cking c*nt, why do you put your number on the f*cking site if you don't want to work?!
(In case you are wondering, this is the point where I thought I did want to see him after all, if only to rip his balls out and stuff them down his throat)
Me: On the site, does it say anywhere that I'm ready to come and see you 24 hours a day?
Him (hesitantly): No.
Me: Then why did you call?
Him (almost apologetic): Well, I thought I'd check...
Me: And how many times do I need to ignore your call before you get it that your check is over and I'm not interested?
Him (angry again): You f*cking c*nt, why do you put your number on the f*cking site if you don't want to work?!
Me: Click

Honestly, my goldfish should be proud of himself!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Maiya on 18 April 2010, 06:39:59 pm
Sometime, I think that there are more crazy people than I can imagine...

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 18 April 2010, 06:43:50 pm
Ooh, that one almost transcends categories, Jewel! Lucky him; he is a Whiny Creep, a Violent Creep AND a Creepy Creep Who Can't Understand Why Women Aren't Falling Over Themselves to Fellate Him. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 18 April 2010, 08:12:04 pm
Another category, maybe: Sad desperado.

My phone goes on silent and is not answered after 8pm, I was still up to be able to ignore my phone 8x in succession from the same number around 3am. The caller finally left a voice mail, which I checked in the morning.
It went: What the f**k do I have to f**king do to get a f**king shag!

ahem, maye be call when I'm working?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 20 April 2010, 04:00:53 pm
Got this gem at 3 in the morning.
"Hi v was wondering wud u fancy an hr for 100?"
Awwww Bless!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 20 April 2010, 07:28:03 pm
Got this gem at 3 in the morning.
"Hi v was wondering wud u fancy an hr for 100?"
Awwww Bless!

People try that crap with me all the time....$100? What is this, 1980?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LilyWhite107 on 20 April 2010, 08:29:13 pm
I got a text today including choice phrases such as "me good looking" and "you won't be disappointed".

Disappointment doesn't come in to it as long as you can pay me. Haha.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 20 April 2010, 11:43:26 pm
Got this gem at 3 in the morning.
"Hi v was wondering wud u fancy an hr for 100?"
Awwww Bless!

People try that crap with me all the time....$100? What is this, 1980?

Hmmmm... maybe he meant if she gave him 100 he would quit texting and let her have an hours sleep. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 21 April 2010, 07:15:37 am
Phone was on silent. Got the same text again this morning, only the more generic version, no v this time.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 21 April 2010, 08:56:14 am
Hmmmm... maybe he meant if she gave him 100 he would quit texting and let her have an hours sleep. ;D

ROFL!

I want that text now so I can reply, "Wow yes plz 100 sounds great! Do u offer anal & deepthroat? Should I bring my own strapon?"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: pandora on 21 April 2010, 06:00:57 pm
I've done plenty of CBT and I haven't found the general stuff to be timewaster fodder, so I wouldn't think one particular subset of it would be so different, but it is. If they want them squeezed and poked I know I've got a good two hours coming, but if they want them punched I know it's all talk.

When I was on tour in Oxford I took a call from a guy for a booking who wanted me to punch him and kick him in the balls.  Assumed he was a timewaster, plus it is not my thing. 

He actually turned up.  Appears he was a real masochist and he taught me how to do it with the upper part of my foot.  Was the most uncomfortable booking of my life - not just for him! Changed my profile to say that I do not do that stuff.  He said that the best session he ever had put him in hospital and had his balls in a sling for 6 weeks.  His wife knew he had "needs" but wouldnt oblige - really? why ever not?  Wierdos
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 21 April 2010, 07:48:38 pm
When I was on tour in Oxford I took a call from a guy for a booking who wanted me to punch him and kick him in the balls. Changed my profile to say that I do not do that stuff.  He said that the best session he ever had put him in hospital and had his balls in a sling for 6 weeks.  His wife knew he had "needs" but wouldnt oblige - really? why ever not?  Wierdos

I briefly did some 'weird' stuff similar to like you mentioned. And I mean...weird. It got to the point where it just started to disgust me. Fortunently I havent come across such a person in months. When the booking is just too freaky...you can leave feeling pretty screwed up
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: miss english on 22 April 2010, 01:40:10 pm
This one has left me dumbfounded:

Quote
darling

will u work in my home in UK, darlington, as full time live in nanny

i will pay u 400GBP per month and u can save all, ur food and accomodation is free

let me know if this interests u. i am 31, married and 2 kids too

can chat in skype or phone if u want to discuss further

love u

Err, wtf?!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Mango on 22 April 2010, 03:49:51 pm
Miss English that is shocking! He really thinks you need to be 'saved'! (from making a good honest living)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 22 April 2010, 05:01:40 pm

Quote
love u


Aaaaha! Hahaha!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: pandora on 22 April 2010, 07:30:38 pm
Text message of the day

"would like 2 send u a picture of me n my ex doing sumfing i wud like to do 2 u"

this beat the earlier text

" I want a below (sic) job.  I cum quickly.  Will only take 5 mins.  Have 20 quid, give me a ring!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: anonymoussw on 22 April 2010, 07:54:06 pm
This one has left me dumbfounded:

Quote
darling

will u work in my home in UK, darlington, as full time live in nanny

i will pay u 400GBP per month and u can save all, ur food and accomodation is free

let me know if this interests u. i am 31, married and 2 kids too

can chat in skype or phone if u want to discuss further

love u

Err, wtf?!

If I was an actual nanny I would think I was being ripped off for that. Let alone a professional escort who charges twice that in a NIGHT...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 22 April 2010, 08:58:59 pm
If I was an actual nanny I would think I was being ripped off for that. Let alone a professional escort who charges twice that in a NIGHT...

You're quite right - the guy forgot to mention that as well as nannying, you'd be performing the duties of a full-time, live-in, never-get-any-peace sex slave. For ?400 which is less than (half?) what a part-time nanny who wouldn't touch your willy would charge. Er, also, shouldn't you be seeking someone with childcare qualifications to look after your '2 kids'? Not that any of us aren't 1000% more responsible than this dood but honestly!

Must stop going over that creepy email - have just noticed it also beings with a simple, poignant, "darling". Baahaha, I'm so disturbed yet amused! I'm going to have to go and cackle at myself in a cupboard now.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: miss english on 23 April 2010, 09:16:34 am
If I was an actual nanny I would think I was being ripped off for that. Let alone a professional escort who charges twice that in a NIGHT...

You're quite right - the guy forgot to mention that as well as nannying, you'd be performing the duties of a full-time, live-in, never-get-any-peace sex slave. For ?400 which is less than (half?) what a part-time nanny who wouldn't touch your willy would charge. Er, also, shouldn't you be seeking someone with childcare qualifications to look after your '2 kids'? Not that any of us aren't 1000% more responsible than this dood but honestly!

Must stop going over that creepy email - have just noticed it also beings with a simple, poignant, "darling". Baahaha, I'm so disturbed yet amused! I'm going to have to go and cackle at myself in a cupboard now.

Yep, so many levels of wrong right there.  Why would a London escort want to move to Darlington for less than an au pairs wage? I'm worried I must have child bearing hips or a maternal look about me now! Surely it must have been an attempt to weird me out?

The only consolation is I doubt he has a wife and kids really.  At least I sincerely hope not.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: The Courtesan on 23 April 2010, 08:59:14 pm
AW Email today:

"Hi, my name is *****. I gone through your profile. truly is quiet interesting to me then, i decide to contact you. i really want to have a good relationship with you. Beside i have a special something i want to discuss with you, so your can reach me through this email ****. Hope to hear from you soon. i will send my pictures to you and also tell you more about my self. i know age will not be a bearer to our relationship, what i need is just your love and caring.  i will give you my best, bye for now. Your love to be blah blah..."

 :-\
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 23 April 2010, 11:56:29 pm
He wasn't a footballer by any chance?  ;) ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 24 April 2010, 11:25:57 am
Sorry to be the one to break it to you.But I think  it was my new bf who called you just to make me jealous..
And I am jealous!! Please keep him and I will send money for food!! These guys lol.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lucymay on 26 April 2010, 09:33:10 am
"hi my name is frank im collecting tights or hold ups for nursery school for art work for every pair we get a ?1 well be give to charity can you help has if you can can you email has at ******@hotmail.co.uk can you let has know with a yes or no if you well help has i well give you the address to send them to we thanks you so much if you can help can you let has know how many pair you well send thanks"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cherrylips on 26 April 2010, 11:31:34 am
Hi , how much would a 1 hour outcall with you watching me poo and pee on myself and us watching extreme illegal porn cost?
Thanks

 ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 26 April 2010, 06:51:48 pm
Hi , how much would a 1 hour outcall with you watching me poo and pee on myself and us watching extreme illegal porn cost?
Thanks

 ::)


Urgh, I've had the same text twice!  :(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: anonymoussw on 26 April 2010, 08:57:20 pm
us watching extreme illegal porn

I am curious as to what sort of porn he is referring to here...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Annabelle on 26 April 2010, 10:01:59 pm
"hi my name is frank im collecting tights or hold ups for nursery school for art work for every pair we get a ?1 well be give to charity can you help has if you can can you email has at ******@hotmail.co.uk can you let has know with a yes or no if you well help has i well give you the address to send them to we thanks you so much if you can help can you let has know how many pair you well send thanks"

Should have asked for the nursery details and the charity he intended to donate to so you could approach them directly... Still, give hime points for imagination, although including kids doesn't exactly endear him to me...

My art work at nursery pretty much constisted of making and eating salt dough. What I threw up, I considered art.  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cherrylips on 27 April 2010, 10:15:44 am
us watching extreme illegal porn

I am curious as to what sort of porn he is referring to here...

Me too but I think there's some things you're better off not knowing!  The mind boggles.....
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 27 April 2010, 02:39:51 pm
Hi , how much would a 1 hour outcall with you watching me poo and pee on myself and us watching extreme illegal porn cost?
Thanks

 ::)


I've had this one as well!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LilyWhite107 on 27 April 2010, 04:11:43 pm
Oooh, I just had a good one. This guy's tried to make a booking.. and he emailed back..

"dont really normaly pay as i work on here lol but i died when i seen ur pics really was like woooooow perfect girly for me hahaha any way yeah please email me one day if you wana hang out and get nughty xxxx"




He doesn't normally pay because he works for AW.. Doh! Silly me, of course, come on over!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 27 April 2010, 04:14:36 pm
us watching extreme illegal porn

I am curious as to what sort of porn he is referring to here...

Me too but I think there's some things you're better off not knowing!  The mind boggles.....

Curiosity got the better of me and I did ask. Not nice. :-X
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LilyWhite107 on 27 April 2010, 04:16:25 pm
Oooh, I just had a good one. This guy's tried to make a booking.. and he emailed back..

"dont really normaly pay as i work on here lol but i died when i seen ur pics really was like woooooow perfect girly for me hahaha any way yeah please email me one day if you wana hang out and get nughty xxxx"




He doesn't normally pay because he works for AW.. Doh! Silly me, of course, come on over!


Oh wait, no, now he's saying he's an escort. And he doesn't normally pay for other escorts, but he just couldn't help himself with me.. errrr.. really?.. If I was really loaded, I may find myself sleeping with a male escort, for the experience however.. he has no feedback though (then.. neither do I yet..).. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Haha.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 27 April 2010, 04:49:08 pm
Oh wait, no, now he's saying he's an escort. And he doesn't normally pay for other escorts, but he just couldn't help himself with me.. errrr.. really?.. If I was really loaded, I may find myself sleeping with a male escort, for the experience however.. he has no feedback though (then.. neither do I yet..).. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Haha.

Gross... the only thing worse than a con artist is a bad con artist. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sammy s on 27 April 2010, 05:35:30 pm
"Good Evening
My wifes birthday is coming up next week and as a treat I would like to hire you for a 3some. She wont know about it as shes really jealous but I was thinking while we are out for dinner you could let yourself into our room with spare key and be waiting in the bed for her naked.  Im willing to pay you by a lot of money by cheque if you make this fantasy come true"


Hahahaha If my boyfriend did that I'd be really pleased! NOT!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 27 April 2010, 06:23:28 pm
"[...] this fantasy [...]"

...Of being divorced? Of forcing your wife into homosexual sex? Of sending strange emails to escorts while you have a wank and ejaculate on your keyboard?

Oh, the mysterious timewaster. How I do not wish to know thee.

Edit: Obviously homosexual sex isn't wrong or bad! ;D Only forcing someone into a situation they might not want to be in. Sorry, my wording here was awful! I have a thing about how women are 'expected' to be up for threesomes because we're all "a bit bisexual" or whatever silly hypothesis so I get extra cross at the "surprise! Non-consensual threesome!" idea - anyway, I'll shut up now!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 28 April 2010, 05:07:59 am
This one woke me up and just had to share..."what time you available for a f*cking, babe?"
Saint Never day methinks!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 28 April 2010, 06:32:40 pm
"Good Evening
My wifes birthday is coming up next week and as a treat I would like to hire you for a 3some. She wont know about it as shes really jealous but I was thinking while we are out for dinner you could let yourself into our room with spare key and be waiting in the bed for her naked.  Im willing to pay you by a lot of money by cheque if you make this fantasy come true"


Hahahaha If my boyfriend did that I'd be really pleased! NOT!

He would have to pay a lot, as you would be at risk of getting slapped  out of the room by the really jealous wife, lol.


Also anyone noticed the 'by cheque' bit.

It would be tragic if it wasn't so funny - wait it is tragic anyway. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: pandora on 28 April 2010, 07:49:30 pm
"hi my name is frank im collecting tights or hold ups for nursery school for art work for every pair we get a ?1 well be give to charity can you help has if you can can you email has at ******@hotmail.co.uk can you let has know with a yes or no if you well help has i well give you the address to send them to we thanks you so much if you can help can you let has know how many pair you well send thanks"

Been away on holiday and had this one also in my in box on my return.  Joy
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cherrylips on 28 April 2010, 09:23:48 pm
Ok I have had some really weird texts and emails the last few days it is a full moon or something?  Anyone had this one?

............I have a foot fetish with a particular interest in hard skin and corns.  I was hoping you could tell me if your feet had either (or both) hard skin and corns??? In session i would be looking to be tied and teased and then be allowed to enjoy your bare feet. Perhaps at the end i might be allowed to cum on the soles of you feet???

WTF?!!   ???
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 28 April 2010, 10:52:56 pm
Ok I have had some really weird texts and emails the last few days it is a full moon or something?  Anyone had this one?

Hahaha, its actually full moon tonight.

............I have a foot fetish with a particular interest in hard skin and corns.  I was hoping you could tell me if your feet had either (or both) hard skin and corns??? In session i would be looking to be tied and teased and then be allowed to enjoy your bare feet. Perhaps at the end i might be allowed to cum on the soles of you feet???

WTF?!!   ???

Could be worse, he could have asked to chew on your corns. Ok, now I've made myself feel queasy.  :-X
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: anonymoussw on 29 April 2010, 06:28:13 am
Ok I have had some really weird texts and emails the last few days it is a full moon or something?  Anyone had this one?

............I have a foot fetish with a particular interest in hard skin and corns.  I was hoping you could tell me if your feet had either (or both) hard skin and corns??? In session i would be looking to be tied and teased and then be allowed to enjoy your bare feet. Perhaps at the end i might be allowed to cum on the soles of you feet???

WTF?!!   ???


This made me actually choke on my porridge...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cherrylips on 29 April 2010, 10:59:32 am
He'd be hard pushed to find a WG with hard skin and corns.  Since I started lying on my back for a living instead of walking around in high shoes for 8 hours a day all the hard skin on my feet has disappeared (sorry Benny I hope you're not eating your porridge!!)  And thankfully I have never had corns so i'm sooooo not the woman for him.

Cassie - I didn't actually know it was a full moon but it just shows you!!  haha.  I knew something was awry what with the freaky emails and texts.   ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 02 May 2010, 09:36:29 am
A gent who saw me on webcam the other week pops up on my work msn with the following enquiry.
"When you go to bed do you use a dildo?"
I ignored it as I was having my hot chocolate and didnt want to have nightmares!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lilly1230 on 04 May 2010, 11:02:33 pm
I'd like to listen to some Kenny Gee whilst we do it....

Oh my
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 05 May 2010, 10:23:46 pm
'Hi there. Im looking for a f*** buddy on a regular basis. You up for it? Call me'

If you're paying, possibly. If not... no. Since when did the word 'escort' contain any of those letters? Twit.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xxxtinyxxx on 06 May 2010, 12:19:00 am
Hello Everyone,

Had a call today off a really happy sounding chap, asked who was working, etc then went on to say he needed some Viagra (as if i needed to know) but couldn't get any, would i be able to get him hard etc, after yawning, i replied politely yes, blah blah, he booked an appointment for 5.30.

Rang again asking same thing politely said bye, he then phoned my mobile not realising it was the same person, said the same things, yawn. Put the phone down. Couple of hours later he called again using my work name, was it OK to see him blah blah.  My reply was WILL U JUST F*C* OFF.

Where do these people come from? Needless to say he never showed up!!!!  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 06 May 2010, 08:43:37 am
A gent who saw me on webcam the other week pops up on my work msn with the following enquiry.
"When you go to bed do you use a dildo?"
I ignored it as I was having my hot chocolate and didnt want to have nightmares!
I would have replied, I use a pillow, what do you use? Idiots!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 06 May 2010, 10:41:36 am
I would have replied, I use a pillow, what do you use? Idiots!

Don't do that. Making that seem sexy isn't even a stretch.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 06 May 2010, 12:06:31 pm
'Hi there. Im looking for a f*** buddy on a regular basis. You up for it? Call me'

Hah! Literally, an escort is going to be TOP of the list of people who are Most Unlikely To Need A Fuckbuddy. The list would look like this:

1. a sex worker
2. a badger
3. a table

...and so on.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 06 May 2010, 12:34:05 pm
Got this email exchange today (had to share. lol!)

"wondering if a could see a few more pics baby would like a bit of a servicing now and then where abouts in glasgow are you" bleuggghhh  :-X "baby" "servicing"!!!!

I replied with a link to my website stating pics are on there and where about Iam

then: "ye aye nice pic do u not have a face one (when website has already stated I don't give out face pics) , wondering if you could give me a price on giving me some good oral sex for an hour?(prices are also on website) am not desperate but ayeve not had it gd for a while how old ru by the way? (again, my age is on website) i'm 30"
 xxx

My reply: "As website says, I do not give out face pics. As website also says the price is ?XXX for an hour of my time. I'm 23"


Seriously pissed off by this stage!!!

Him: "Do you think I could pay ?XXX for an hour for jist a blowjob? Thats why a ask u for less anno what the site says baby , yeh ever get an hour free and fancy doin it for half that then email me babes no hassle just relaxin chattin and suckin cock xxx"

Oh Christ!!!! I was laughing too much to be annoyed, Needless to say he didn't get another reply, and never will. I started to think maybe it was a joke but I don't think so - I spoke to a guy with  the same name and the same age a while ago repeatedly asking for discounts who didn't sound too bright either! think it was the same guy. At least I got a laugh!!!


"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 06 May 2010, 03:48:58 pm
Hah! Literally, an escort is going to be TOP of the list of people who are Most Unlikely To Need A Fuckbuddy. The list would look like this:

1. a sex worker
2. a badger
3. a table

...and so on.

Literally nearly choked reading that. You've made my day :D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cazzie on 06 May 2010, 06:35:17 pm
i really must stop drinking and eating while on here i nearly choking here

with laughter i add   

lol  just joined aw and going from there  so fingers crossed i might be to old lol

had the tw bit after 5 hrs must be record

"wow love the pic
my self and my bi girlfriend want to book you for 7 days in sun and keep us company
when you arent needed you can have free time" to find holiday romance 

excuse me but i was wetting myself by then    i think i give it a miss what you think guys

lol
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexxx on 07 May 2010, 07:52:32 pm
Cazzie you don't know what you're missing...... ::) lol

I got this text this afternoon: I cant talk at the moment. Wud u do a ass smoothie? I wud pay extra

I didn't even bother replying. If I did I would have told him that although I'd love to, I don't have a smoothie maker so it's not possible.

What a tosser. Must admit I didn't know what an ass smoothie was  ??? So I googled it and even if I did offer anal I wouldn't be doing that. Too messy  :-X
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 07 May 2010, 10:15:36 pm
I didn't even bother replying. If I did I would have told him that although I'd love to, I don't have a smoothie maker so it's not possible.

LOL. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 08 May 2010, 11:46:40 pm
Just when I spoke to soon re: its usually the older men who are timewasters...

well last night, I get a kid...literally...a child, call me up. must have been early teens. Before he/she could say anymore I yelled, How Old Are You! He/she says 19...not wanting to be bothered with I said, you're too young...and hung up. It may have even been a woman, there was no base in his/her voice...so it had to have been a woman.

Bastard calls me back again, (all the while from a private number, he was calling all throughout the day prior and I was curious as to who the fuck it was). He says, "I may be young, but I have $1,000 on me and want to know what that will get me". I got furiuous and yelled, "DONT CALL ME PRIVATE AGAIN!".

This morning, I got another private call number, but my nerves were already damaged from worrying sick that I couldn't be bothered.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 11 May 2010, 08:23:23 am
This is great, guy calls makes an appointment, 10 mins past the time, no client, no call, no nothing. I called him up to see where he was. Wait for it..... he had completely forgotten! Right, then he texts how sorry he is, and the following morning he texts again, asking to see me. I said no thanks.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 11 May 2010, 10:51:42 am
LOL...Violette. Good that you didnt let him pull that one again.

Well today, I got a text from someone who texted me couple weeks ago. He booked me, saying him and his boyfriend wanted to fuck me and that they were both 8 inches and how much would it be. Once I quoted rate, he didnt respond.

When he texted me today, His texts were still fresh in my phone...I had no trouble finding them. I immediately bought it up and this M.F-er had the nerve to tell me

him: "no, it wasn't me...I dont have a boyfriend."
me: "I'm looking at the texts right now from the other week where you nor your boyfriend showed up"
Him: "thats weird, I dont have a boyfriend. But ok..."
me: no response


Caught him in his ass act
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Jewel on 11 May 2010, 09:41:41 pm
Last month, X made a booking, then had a change of plans so we rearranged the time and after that he had to cancel.

Today, an e-mail from him:
"After my messing you about last time I thought I'd try again."

I've a feeling that it's exactly what he'll try to do.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Pink on 11 May 2010, 10:36:17 pm
Try telling him that you're happy to accept a booking from him, so long as he pays in full well before the date. And charge a 90% cancellation fee. Happy days  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 13 May 2010, 04:20:33 pm
I got this one today:
"I have a strange fantasy always wondered what its u u fart on my face?"
I at this time have no comment.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 13 May 2010, 06:13:13 pm
I at this time have no comment.

HA. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 14 May 2010, 01:29:28 am
Today from a witheld number.

Him. Can I have some details?
Me. Where did you see my ad? ::)
Him. On the internet.
Me. Oh really?
Him. I want to come and see you.
Me. Yeeeess.
Him. 10 or 15 minutes time?
Me. Sure.(yawn)
Him. Give me your address.
Me. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The art of conversation eh?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 14 May 2010, 01:44:07 am
I got this on AW today:

'hi can u do 30 mins for ?20 of be licking ur pussy today?'

Ooh it's my lucky day  :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 14 May 2010, 10:02:44 am
Phonecall yesterday
Fool: (sorry,potential client) Do you do outcalls? How much?
Me: Yes i do,its ?130 for the hour
Fool: Ok great,theres 3 of us,will that be a problem?

Of course not,invite the neighbours round as well and just call me the Simone express ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 14 May 2010, 01:38:31 pm
They, really don't think do they?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sammy s on 20 May 2010, 01:25:42 pm
I just got this email on AW:


whats going on trouble, just had alook at your profile and you caught my eye you lil stunner lol. well just a quick one anyway, it may be for you or it might not. i got a professinal carpet and cleaning company, how about a straight swap after i get your carpets done for some of your time afterwards ?
my name is chris, mixed race, part time model, very muscualr and tonned, 5'10, small penis, and a reasonably nice guy if i say so myself ha, well if its for you babe let me no and we can sort something out. cheers

emailed him back telling him he should look into becoming a comedien.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dani on 20 May 2010, 01:26:31 pm
Just got this email

'I see u do 2gurl. Ill pay u ?150 for 2hrs for 2gurl at mine. I just wnt sex sex n more sex n im skint.'


Wow what an offer how can anyone refuse that. that is not even half our outcall rate for one hour
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 20 May 2010, 01:30:26 pm
I just got this email on AW:


whats going on trouble, just had alook at your profile and you caught my eye you lil stunner lol. well just a quick one anyway, it may be for you or it might not. i got a professinal carpet and cleaning company, how about a straight swap after i get your carpets done for some of your time afterwards ?
my name is chris, mixed race, part time model, very muscualr and tonned, 5'10, small penis, and a reasonably nice guy if i say so myself ha, well if its for you babe let me no and we can sort something out. cheers

emailed him back telling him he should look into becoming a comedien.

Lol. I think I met this guy yesterday! Luckily he paid me in cash but now that I've read this I'm wondering whether I should doublecheck it's not monopoly money!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 20 May 2010, 03:06:13 pm
i got a professinal carpet and cleaning company, how about a straight swap after i get your carpets done for some of your time afterwards ?

Haha that's brilliant! I'm always getting people offering to do DIY, photos, etc for me. Even a male hairdresser once. But no one's offered to clean my carpets for me yet :(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 20 May 2010, 04:48:21 pm
Oh I get emailed by plumbers and gas fitters every week.
The latest cheeky sod though booked me at a hotel I was in. He bottled it on arrival as it was not discreet enough. ie it was a lovely sunny day and there were one or two people sitting outside having a drink!
He offered me to come outside to give me 20 quid for my trouble which I did without giving him a backwards glance. Then sends dirty texts all flipping afternoon. Go figure! He had the gall to text that the 20 pounds was easy money for me lol.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 24 May 2010, 09:55:26 am
Went to an outcall yesterday afternoon to a hotel. Walk into the room and the client had his laptop open on my agencies website with my profile up displaying all my photographs. Erm not off putting in the slightest ??? worst bit was i jokingly asked him if he had them up so he could compare my photos to the real me and he answered 'yes'

Hmmmm,wonder why he was having to pay to get a woman to spend time with him?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 24 May 2010, 02:00:20 pm
Went to an outcall yesterday afternoon to a hotel. Walk into the room and the client had his laptop open on my agencies website with my profile up displaying all my photographs. Erm not off putting in the slightest ??? worst bit was i jokingly asked him if he had them up so he could compare my photos to the real me and he answered 'yes'

Hmmmm,wonder why he was having to pay to get a woman to spend time with him?

Ooh, I've been to an agency outcall like this before! The guy was browsing the agency website when I arrived and I vaguely remember he was a bit of a berk. He showed me my pictures (which I was very familiar with already THANK YOU), asked me about the other girls and ever-so-kindly gave me his opinions on whether they were Fit or Not. I think the sex-bit went okay but I remember at the end suggesting that he try one of the other superhot babez on the site next time and pleasenotmeagainthanksbye! He was perhaps getting a bit too *into* the idea of going on a website and ordering up a fresh hot bit of ladyflesh - I think he even said he was planning on calling the agency again after I left. I mean, I like pizza and Chinese food as much as the next person but even though you can order online I can't say I've ever done it more than once in a day, it's not THAT awesome. :P

Edit to add: Simone, your particular client sounds like an unapologetic tosspot. Possibly he imagines himself on a one-man crusade to stop those evil bitches from having the barefaced cheek to put sexy pictures online and then charge a fee for sex - how dare they! He knows that all he has to do is book every single escort in the world once and then they'll all retire forever and women can get back in the kitchen popping out babies like they should be. That's my theory anyway. ;D And god, how much better are the clients who see escorts for fun rather than for the opportunity to disparage them (sekritly later on the Internetz) and be generally bitter and evil!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: strawberry on 24 May 2010, 02:34:17 pm
Has anyone turned up to a booking where the guy has your website printed off, page for page?And refers to it word for word?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 24 May 2010, 03:17:36 pm
Well ive seen stuff that would curl your hair without the need for a perm. As in ladies home addresses posted all over the internet. These are the ones who punt "incognito" so that they can fetch thier quizzing glasses, look at you, your place etc and do an impartial report. Nothing to do with the fact that if the lady knew who he was she would join the ranks of "normal" women who wouldnt shag him for any amount of money!
Oh dear, did I say that out loud?!
What I meant to say was im soooo grateful that I was allowed the chance to crawl from under my stone for an hour and promise to scurry back under it! Thanks for coming to see me and its not even my birthday....
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 28 May 2010, 10:03:13 am
Texts yesterday from a young man of 19 who had booked for a 30min incalls.

'I cant wait to see you and you seem like a canny lass,i will probs be cheeky and ask for your phone number'

I replied as nicely as i could that i never date clients and i would advise he doesnt ask for my personal details as it will just create an akward situation and ruin the mood.

Answer
'LOL,well i think you will be suprised when you meet me by what i can do for my age. It wont be like work at all for you,more like just pure sex. We will wait and see about the number thing cos i bet you will want to give me it when we meet. By the way do you need a driver,im fast,cheap and reliable'

I cancelled the booking strangely enough,thought it would be the safest thing for the poor young mans safety ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 28 May 2010, 11:20:47 am
Lol, what's his name? I'm pretty sure he's the guy who sent me a long drunken email a couple of months back saying how he was so amazing (and clearly up himself) that I'd be falling at his feet... but he couldn't bring himself to book me, only to date me. Told him no, then he decided to book me a couple of weeks later and wasn't exactly all he'd hyped himself up to be...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Blue on 28 May 2010, 11:22:40 am
 e-mail. 

"Hi love
 
 Firstoff I would like to come to your place, see you, masturbate and discuss your services.
 Just ?20 for that simple sample,say 30mins.

Then if all goes well we can move on to the good stuff.
I am cautious because I want to ensure a good experience. Do we have a deal?"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 28 May 2010, 11:28:35 am
'LOL,well i think you will be suprised when you meet me by what i can do for my age. It wont be like work at all for you,more like just pure sex. We will wait and see about the number thing cos i bet you will want to give me it when we meet. By the way do you need a driver,im fast,cheap and reliable'

Ooh, those ones are awful, aren't they! I saw a guy the other week who was in his late 20s and had ridiculous hair; he spent the whole appointment talking about how awesome he is and how many girls he has sex with. He went on to tell me that he didn't want to have sex because he gets all his sex for free and loads of girls want to have sex with him so blah blah blah. After 90 minutes of this I gave him some of his money back and told him I'd suddenly had an emergency text from a friend so I had to go out! I know, that was really bad of me, it's not like he wasn't doing anything awful - but if you ask me, being boring and self-obsessed IS a bit of a crime. ;D And as he'd repeatedly said he didn't want any sexual services (I think he'd honestly booked just because he thought it would improve my life to meet him) I wasn't denying him anything. At the end, he tried to ask me out to hang out with him "as friends". I said, YES DEFINITELY!! but that was a naughty lie.

And yes, Simone, I agree - if they're foolish enough to reveal their idiocy via text before the booking, it's definitely best for their health to cancel on them! It would crush them if we accidentally revealed that a lot of our paying clients actually ARE very good at the sexy stuff and so no, there are no discounts for "studs".

The driver bit is especially funny. Ha, yes please, you sound like such a reliable young man! I can't wait to get in your cheap car that you drive too fast!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xw5 on 28 May 2010, 01:09:32 pm
I gave him some of his money back

Why?

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 28 May 2010, 02:33:15 pm
I gave him some of his money back

Why?



To get rid of him. Hopefully he saw the irony of being paid by a prossie to leave!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xw5 on 28 May 2010, 02:39:08 pm
True, but I could listen to an awful lot of 'I'm wonderful, me' crap for ?100-?200 an hour.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 28 May 2010, 05:10:48 pm
True, but I could listen to an awful lot of 'I'm wonderful, me' crap for ?100-?200 an hour.

I think we've already established elsewhere that I'm crap at this job. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 28 May 2010, 05:47:26 pm
I'm with you Emily - for the sake of our sanity, sometimes it's best to miss out on the money! (And I'm sure your not crap! We all do things differently I'm sure) x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Bella86 on 29 May 2010, 10:09:55 am
Oh girls :) you kill me!
Have just whiled away a v enjoyable couple of hours Reading through all your stories, had me in fits of giggles more than a few times!! :). Lol :D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Annabelle on 29 May 2010, 05:47:41 pm

I mean, I like pizza and Chinese food as much as the next person but even though you can order online I can't say I've ever done it more than once in a day, it's not THAT awesome. :P
 

Oooh, I think I just had me a little accident... That one line, I swear, will be running through my head from the rest of the weekend; after chuckling to meself once every, say 10 seconds, I'll look like a perfect candidate for the nearest mental hospital after I'm sure, but so worth it...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LilaM on 29 May 2010, 07:29:14 pm
I just got this romantic email:

"Hello my love,
My name is ****,i read through your profile today and i became interested in you,i will also like to know you the more,and i want you to send an e-mail to my e-mail address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom i am and for the both of us to know each other very well and better in life,and we can achieve it in future because ture love and feeling means alot in future.Here is my private e-mail address you can contact me with it.I am waiting for your mail to my e-mail address above and aslo, Remember the distance or colour does not matter but love,feeling,e-motions and sympathetic love matters alot in life.
Thanks,and i promise to be honest and to keep a very good relationship with you."

What goes on in their heads? I am very clear about what I am, services, rates, etc. Why contact a prostitute for this sort of thing?  ???
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Annabelle on 30 May 2010, 12:09:55 am
I just got this romantic email:

"Hello my love,
My name is ****,i read through your profile today and i became interested in you,i will also like to know you the more,and i want you to send an e-mail to my e-mail address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom i am and for the both of us to know each other very well and better in life,and we can achieve it in future because ture love and feeling means alot in future.Here is my private e-mail address you can contact me with it.I am waiting for your mail to my e-mail address above and aslo, Remember the distance or colour does not matter but love,feeling,e-motions and sympathetic love matters alot in life.
Thanks,and i promise to be honest and to keep a very good relationship with you."

What goes on in their heads? I am very clear about what I am, services, rates, etc. Why contact a prostitute for this sort of thing?  ???


If I had a pound for every email I got with this kind of message, I'd no longer be in this job. In fact, I'd never look for work again. But admittedly, it does make a change from the usual TWs. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 30 May 2010, 02:35:20 am
How about this one?


 Hey cindy

great pics :-) your hot

Would love to arrange for meet with you and another girl off this site, do you do two girl? The girls xxxx on here. Would you arrange this? Or do you have a set girl who you would go with?

Let me know if your available. I'm thinking you too girls would look amazing together :-)

Ive heard of voluntary work but im not his goddamn unpaid secretary!
 
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 31 May 2010, 12:44:19 pm
Cindy, I get this loads. They want me to arrange a TS or a boy to watch them do what ever. I tell them, just how you contacted me, you can contact them and make the arrangements. I have enough on my f'ing plate without being some TW PA. Idiots!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 31 May 2010, 02:41:42 pm
This just in:
Hello,
 
My name is Deluded in BE/NL.
I'm 32years old white clean handsome good looking guy.
I came back from California to live, work as Project Manager in Belgium/Netherlands.
 
I do not have a lot of experience and willing to learn now. Only one women in the past.
I am looking for one GFE girl long-term partner for special meetings, 1-2 times per week.
Do you like without condoms clasic normal, anal, oral ?
Are you on birth control ?
 
What you can wear, lingerie, strings, outfits ?
Please answer questions and send pictures on s*********l.com.
 
Please let me know if you are interested and want to have nice meetings.
Hope to see you soon.
Thanks.
 
Kind regards !
Deluded in BE/NL

As suggestions on what to reply? :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 31 May 2010, 03:37:57 pm
Are you on birth control ?

Yes, unfortunately my birth control comes with free included moron control, so I won't be able to meet up with any Internet weirdos for unprotected sex. Sorry!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Bella86 on 31 May 2010, 05:01:08 pm
Having spent the past week Reading & laughing til I cried at this topic :) today am proud to have one of my own to share....

Hi

I am staying at the De Vere Belton Woods Hotel  and do so each month and am keen to bring an attractive and energetic young lady to my suite and the opportunity to teach her how to be a perfect mistress and to squirt is an ideal challenge.

The fee will be $450 per session wit

Can you send me a few appropriate photographs to show full what I shall be paying for.

You will need to be shaved.

If the pictures, and you, are good enough then I shall be happy to pay a suitable bonus  for the night girl. I am English, a gentleman in my mid forties and am energetic something I wish to have in a mistress,

The pictures should be excellent and show you nude, perhaps with toys.

Then I can send  a car to collect you.

If you are able to send suitable pictures soon we can arrange to have our first meal later today in my hotel.

Be quick!

Let me know.

Kind regards,



Be quick.... The cheeky sod ! When it clearly states I need 24 hours notice!
And I don't want to be picked up by your 'driver' when Ive never met you before ta v much  ::). Lol
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Bella86 on 31 May 2010, 06:34:36 pm
And another..... My personal favourite this evening received via email...

'Yo Balla' ... Good start, spell my name wrong!
'if I book you to come to hotel who pays for the room is it me or you? And can you knock some off ur rate?'

hmmm. That'd be you. I'm guessing you can't afford it :p
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 31 May 2010, 06:52:08 pm
And another..... My personal favourite this evening received via email...

'Yo Balla' ... Good start, spell my name wrong!
'if I book you to come to hotel who pays for the room is it me or you? And can you knock some off ur rate?'

hmmm. That'd be you. I'm guessing you can't afford it :p
The fact that someone would have the nerve to write this, does boggle the mind. This did indeed make me laugh.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 31 May 2010, 07:29:01 pm
Be quick.... The cheeky sod ! When it clearly states I need 24 hours notice!
And I don't want to be picked up by your 'driver' when Ive never met you before ta v much  ::). Lol

I giggled at how he demands you send him free hi-res naughty pictures at least THREE times in that email! Oh yes, I'll just pop down to the photog's studio with my toys and pay ?500 for a shoot + touchups and get those pictures to you immediately, shall I?! Pfft.

The "be quick" bit is a typical attempted scammer's line - like Offer Ends Soon! ;D I'm sure you're sooo terribly worried about missing out on such a weirdo-- I mean, nice guy!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 31 May 2010, 07:36:07 pm
Ok, now that I have promised you a pie in the sky booking, no money has been exchanged,  send me pictures with your legs spread so wide, I can see your tonsils. Spare me!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Bella86 on 31 May 2010, 08:25:04 pm
It gets better.... More from Mr shall you pay for the hotel or shall I. ...
' I'm sharing a room with my uncle so hope that's ok'
'bring some sexy underwear so I can buy it' ..... Lol I mean WTF?!  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 01 June 2010, 03:45:55 am
Diary of a stressed out call boy:

Today: 1 actual booking, but 3 'close' serious sounding inquries. As in, sitting down and dissecting whether they were full of shit or not. Thats 4 different men I had to cater to, and only 1 actually booked.

Why cant I just have mother fuckers lined up...in the order they are recieved? I hate having to re-arrange my schedule and shit!  >:(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Bella86 on 01 June 2010, 09:11:11 am
Don't mean to hog this, but this one did make ne chuckle:

'good morning. Thanks for your email reply, but I'm afraid making an appointment with you is rather like making an appoitnment to see the queen. So I'll leave it thanks'

cheeky bugger! All I asked for were some info such as his name etc & advised him I had a driver for security! :p
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 01 June 2010, 02:38:02 pm
Don't mean to hog this, but this one did make ne chuckle:

'good morning. Thanks for your email reply, but I'm afraid making an appointment with you is rather like making an appoitnment to see the queen. So I'll leave it thanks'

cheeky bugger! All I asked for were some info such as his name etc & advised him I had a driver for security! :p

Isn't it wonderfully helpful when they kindly take the time to inform you that they are crotchety old wankers who probably don't wash properly and like to leave bitchy bad reviews should a girl dare to point out his BO? I mean, he's saving you the trouble of possibly going through all this by declining an appointment with you! What a nice man. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 01 June 2010, 06:24:46 pm
it wonderfully helpful when they kindly take the time to inform you that they are crotchety old wankers who probably don't wash properly and like to leave bitchy bad reviews should a girl dare to point out his BO? I mean, he's saving you the trouble of possibly going through all this by declining an appointment with you! What a nice man. ;D

I hate when people do that! Its like, don't insult me over something stupid to try and make me feel bad. You were never interested in the 1st place!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 07 June 2010, 02:29:59 am
Having spent the past week Reading & laughing til I cried at this topic :) today am proud to have one of my own to share....

Hi

I am staying at the De Vere Belton Woods Hotel  and do so each month and am keen to bring an attractive and energetic young lady to my suite and the opportunity to teach her how to be a perfect mistress and to squirt is an ideal challenge.

The fee will be $450 per session wit

Can you send me a few appropriate photographs to show full what I shall be paying for.

You will need to be shaved.

If the pictures, and you, are good enough then I shall be happy to pay a suitable bonus  for the night girl. I am English, a gentleman in my mid forties and am energetic something I wish to have in a mistress,

The pictures should be excellent and show you nude, perhaps with toys.

Then I can send  a car to collect you.

If you are able to send suitable pictures soon we can arrange to have our first meal later today in my hotel.

Be quick!

Let me know.

Kind regards,



Be quick.... The cheeky sod ! When it clearly states I need 24 hours notice!
And I don't want to be picked up by your 'driver' when Ive never met you before ta v much  ::). Lol

If the pictures, and you, are good enough
That was the kicker for me! PSML.

Voicemail left 10 minutes ago in a slow slurring voice:

Hi ... call me .......... brurrarhh (or something like that) ... looked at you ........ on internet, like ... you look ok ..... call me.

Hey, that kind of flattery gets me going every time.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Bella86 on 07 June 2010, 09:14:56 am
Haha 'call me.. You look... Ok'.    That tickled me! Flattery will get you, err, nowhere in this case.  ;D

I had a choice one yesterday that said, ' I don't know why you won't see me. I thought whores weren't fussy??'

I think you've answered your own question there matey!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Bella86 on 08 June 2010, 03:04:52 pm
Nothing but TW today.... First a cancellation from one who 'had a cold'
Then a number of hagglers, 'I'd be willing to pay ?360 if your friend gets involved to...' and my personal favourite 'money is tight this month, how much for just a BJ...?50?More money can come next month :)'

Think I'm taking the rest of the day off!!! >:(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dani on 08 June 2010, 03:22:21 pm
I had a great text today

hi Danie (cant even get my name right)

I want u 2 use me 4 cash. how bout I cum n u give me bj and ball busting. ill give ya ?50 now then put cash in ur bank weekly if you give me ur bank details

With an offer like that how could I refuse to give you my bank details, would you like my credit cards, house and car keys as well?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Bella86 on 08 June 2010, 03:35:55 pm
Wow, a whole ?50 now?! How could you resist such a generous offer.....lol  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: pandora on 08 June 2010, 04:52:28 pm
Today I had, " do I offer 15 min bookings in a secluded wood?"

What is the etiquette for such a booking? Do I bring the shotgun and spade or does the punter?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Amber Sweetpetite on 08 June 2010, 05:27:19 pm
Hi , how much would a 1 hour outcall with you watching me poo and pee on myself and us watching extreme illegal porn cost?
Thanks

 ::)


Urgh, I've had the same text twice!  :(

Yup I've had that one too!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Amber Sweetpetite on 08 June 2010, 05:32:26 pm
Has anyone turned up to a booking where the guy has your website printed off, page for page?And refers to it word for word?

I've seen a few guys who have printed my pics off but not the text.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Amber Sweetpetite on 08 June 2010, 05:36:53 pm
Just read this thread from start to finish. Flippin fantastic! I've had some weird and wonderful ones over the years I wished I'd saved them. One I can recall from a guy who said he was a dwarf and he wanted me to carry him around. Erm hello? I'm 7 stone and 5 feet tall  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 08 June 2010, 05:37:48 pm
Do I bring the shotgun and spade or does the punter?

Lmao. You've made my day.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Emelie on 08 June 2010, 09:41:49 pm
"Yeah, I know it's not a good idea to have sex without a condom, but what if we did it for just one minute? I won't come inside you. And how about you give it to me for ?50?"

I told the guy to have a nice day and hung up ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Bella86 on 09 June 2010, 12:22:21 am
Just read this thread from start to finish. Flippin fantastic! I've had some weird and wonderful ones over the years I wished I'd saved them. One I can recall from a guy who said he was a dwarf and he wanted me to carry him around. Erm hello? I'm 7 stone and 5 feet tall  ::)


Pmsl  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dani on 09 June 2010, 08:33:04 am
Has anyone turned up to a booking where the guy has your website printed off, page for page?And refers to it word for word?

I've seen a few guys who have printed my pics off but not the text.

Yeah and you AW profile blogs and all and then leaves it on the bed when he leaves. I have found this happens alot on tour and I refuse to see them next time I am down as I find it kind of freaky
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 09 June 2010, 12:00:27 pm
Had an interesting moron today:

Him: "Hiya how's u :)))"
Me: *ignores*
Him: "Hey u on AW initt:)))"
Me: "Yes do you want to book?"
Him: "well yeh but not now ... How much is it?"
Me: "All details are on my AW profile."
Him: "Lol :)) k r u the 22 year old or"
Me: "Text me when you know who you're talking to"
Him: "dint get ya ::)) lool u are uptight a bit lmao"
Me: "This is my work phone not a chat line, and I'm not going to give you lots of details you can find online"
Him: "oh lol :)) sorry my bad i found u now u look gorg ... Gotta admit awww u are amazing ... No wonder !!!"
Me: *ignores*
Him: "Ya there can we chat :))"
Me: *still ignores*
Him: "U there :)) xxxx"
Me: "This line is for bookings only, if you know when you want to see me you can make an appointment. I won't respond to other texts."
Him: "ok my bad :) can i get ya chat line by any chance plz xxxxx"
Me: "I don't do phone or text chat I offer personal service only"
Him: "Ok in ur service can we get dirty sex"

And then I got bored :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dani on 09 June 2010, 12:59:31 pm
Not sure if this counts but it is bloody creepy

Guy books a duo today for 4pm. New to AW today so thought was probably a timewaster.

AT 12.40 he texts to say he is on the road I gave him and can he come in now or shall he sit outside and wait till 4pm. I asked what car he was in and then jumped in mine and drove to my incall place (only a few mins away) and low and behold the car was on the street with 3lads inside. :o :o
 All I can say is thankgod I dont give out real details to the property I use and always direct them to the pub up the road
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: casey_kisses on 09 June 2010, 01:39:55 pm
Not sure if this counts but it is bloody creepy

Guy books a duo today for 4pm. New to AW today so thought was probably a timewaster.

AT 12.40 he texts to say he is on the road I gave him and can he come in now or shall he sit outside and wait till 4pm. I asked what car he was in and then jumped in mine and drove to my incall place (only a few mins away) and low and behold the car was on the street with 3lads inside. :o :o
 All I can say is thankgod I dont give out real details to the property I use and always direct them to the pub up the road


That is really scary. I'm glad your ok.

xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Blue on 09 June 2010, 03:40:16 pm
Not sure if this counts but it is bloody creepy

Guy books a duo today for 4pm. New to AW today so thought was probably a timewaster.

AT 12.40 he texts to say he is on the road I gave him and can he come in now or shall he sit outside and wait till 4pm. I asked what car he was in and then jumped in mine and drove to my incall place (only a few mins away) and low and behold the car was on the street with 3lads inside. :o :o
 All I can say is thankgod I dont give out real details to the property I use and always direct them to the pub up the road

Thats really bad!  Just shows always worth spying on the client before opening the door!
I refused to see someone once because he was 40mins early and just sat in the car outside my house(he had visited before), I was just pulling up outside and he was just there in his car, I drove off and told him I thought it was out of order to do that (I was in a bad mood as it was ) Some people just don't think!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 10 June 2010, 06:21:20 am
This just in at 4:22 am!
Idiot: "Are u availeable in t morning baby."
Me: "What time?"
Idiot:" Bout 1. were are u."
Me: "If you want an appointment at 1, call me later in the morning. Preferably, after the sun has risen."

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 10 June 2010, 03:20:02 pm
LOL. That has" I just tripped over my own kebab on the way home and knocked the last bit of common sense out of me." written all over it.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 10 June 2010, 04:13:16 pm
LOL. That has" I just tripped over my own kebab on the way home and knocked the last bit of common sense out of me." written all over it.

Hahaha! ;D What a mental image.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 12 June 2010, 04:42:23 pm
I had a request for me to dress up in a Wonder Woman costume, I busted out laughing! I could help it.  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 12 June 2010, 07:00:23 pm
I had a request for me to dress up in a Wonder Woman costume, I busted out laughing! I could help it.  ::)
I think you would look ace as Wonder woman, but be sure not to waste it on "collapsing on  a doorstep near you man!"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 25 June 2010, 02:34:23 pm
Check out the creamy misogynist centre with rich, politeness-flavour coating.

Quote
Hi,
 
I have been away from the UK for a year and return on Monday, where I will be staying at Gatwick airport overnight before flying on to [somewhere else].
 
I really would love to meet you and experience your treasures princess.
 
I'm clean and hygenic. I love french kissing and also I love giving oral if you are happy to receive (69 is always on offer)...smile
 
I have been in [a religiously conservative country] teaching English and have been celebate for a year, so I'm looking for that special lady to enjoy everything I have missed so much.
 
The problem is as follows: I want you to stay overnight because I want to enjoy you at night and also in the morning. However I cannot afford the fee for overnight and would need a "drastic discount".
 
I understand you're a business woman and appreciate your service 100%, but I must be honest with you from the start. I don't want either of our time wasted and understand if you decline to meet.
 
The bottom line is I can only afford to give you ?200 cash - in advance of course - and I will buy you dinner and breakfast. I will treat you with the utmost respect and even send you a picture of me if you so require. All I ask for in exchange is French kissing, touching, oral (both ways and 69) and intercourse (with protection of course) - this will be for the night and the morning.
 
Once again I understand if you decline as you are a business woman, but if you do accept I will jump for joy!!!...
 
Kindest regards,
 
D...

So, you want a full night of complete GFE-style sex with the woman of your choice, on demand and with no strings attached. Sure, who doesn't want that? I can see why you wouldn't consider compromising on your desires to come more in line with your means. Obviously it's worth asking the object of your desire if she's willing to compromise her own needs in order to give you everything you want. Hey, if you don't ask you'll never get, right?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 25 June 2010, 04:44:43 pm
I also like the way he kindly hinted ("celibate for a year") that you'll be getting no sleep. You'll literally be 69ing for 12 hours straight and he's probably one of those guys who REQUIRES that you enjoy yourself and sulks if you seem less than besotted. All for ?200 for the whole night. Don't know why I'm typing this, I'm sure you've already got in a taxi to go see this charming fellow, Anika! I'm writhing in a jealous fury. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 25 June 2010, 05:45:31 pm
What a cheeky bugger! "I will pay for dinner and breakfast." I could save the cab fare and have a pot noodle at home thanks.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 26 June 2010, 06:20:38 pm
I got this text today:

'will pay ?30 for any body off beautiful girl"

Should I send him some toenail clippings?  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Ms Rubens on 26 June 2010, 11:08:15 pm
I got this text today:

'will pay ?30 for any body off beautiful girl"

Should I send him some toenail clippings?  ;D

Gosh that sounds a bit creepy!  Is he looking for people to dig up fresh graves?   ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lucy Chambers on 27 June 2010, 02:42:38 am
get this..

"Lucy, I am available sunday, please confirm you can do 8pm for half an hour?"

A) I am free at that time, would you like to book?"

"Yes."

6 hours later...I  want you to dress up, have you got sexy secretary?"

"yes. send a email, I will confirm"

"But i need to be sure. Have you got pinstripe trousers, boxy square toed heels and a white, preferably linen blouse?"

No. I gave up trousers when I gave up 9-5? I have a short pinstripe skirt, white blouse, seemed stockings and heels"

"Could you not buy them?"


Hello..?

You are not replying,,,i have located trousers for you. If you need the id tag it is primark stores id.."


Need I say more? :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 27 June 2010, 07:41:49 am
Oh im sure we all get those ones. Book a couple of days in advance and then text you 20 mins before the booking.
"Will you wear a nuns outfit with green suspenders?" WTF?! If he buys it no problem! They must think we will run out to a fancy dress shop and La Senza on a moments notice. Oh no, wait they dont think!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sammy s on 27 June 2010, 10:36:31 am
For god sake lol. Do men really think we have a fancy dress wardrobe bursting to the seams with every kind of costume possible?!

I had a client last week who WHEN HE ARRIVED asked if id mind slipping into a cowgirl outfit to ride him.
When I told him I didnt have such an outfit his reply was "oh I see... all other escorts have one." (In an extremely huffy voice)

ALL of them have a cowgirl outfit? Have you personally met with every escort in the world and checked?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cherrylips on 27 June 2010, 11:46:01 am
I had a client a while ago who wanted maids outfit.  Ok I thought and ordered one online.  I told him I didnt have one but had ordered one and hopefully it would arrive by the time we met.  It did.  Answered door in said outfit.  Said to client: "It just arrived this morning so that was good timing!"
Client:  "Oh I was just kidding about the outfit." 
WTF!!!   >:(   >:(    I dressed up like a fool and you were kidding???!!!

Few weeks ago different client.  "Bring a couple of outfits" 
Me:  I only have one - maid's outfit.
Him: Ok bring that.
Get to app.
Me: "Shall I change into outfit now?"
Him: "Nah its ok"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cindy on 27 June 2010, 04:24:36 pm
My last two good reviews were written when I overslept and answered the door in my dressing gown anyway.  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: strawberry on 27 June 2010, 04:59:31 pm
I had a client a while ago who wanted maids outfit.  Ok I thought and ordered one online.  I told him I didnt have one but had ordered one and hopefully it would arrive by the time we met.  It did.  Answered door in said outfit.  Said to client: "It just arrived this morning so that was good timing!"
Client:  "Oh I was just kidding about the outfit." 
WTF!!!   >:(   >:(    I dressed up like a fool and you were kidding???!!!

Few weeks ago different client.  "Bring a couple of outfits" 
Me:  I only have one - maid's outfit.
Him: Ok bring that.
Get to app.
Me: "Shall I change into outfit now?"
Him: "Nah its ok"

I have distinct suspicions this is either a simple 'control' thing or case of client thinking he wants one thing, then changing his mind last minute.

Whilst a few really do have certain fetishes, quite a few do also have a very 'ingrained' idea of what 'is' sexy.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 27 June 2010, 05:15:59 pm
Whilst a few really do have certain fetishes, quite a few do also have a very 'ingrained' idea of what 'is' sexy.

God, it's so common! Clients think they want something porny but actually find they can't ejaculate until we give in and do some intimate missionary, or lose their hard-on when I coquettishly ask if they'd like to come on my tits and can't get hard again until we get back to gentle kisses and stroking etc. I mean, of course, plenty of guys do know what they enjoy sexually and why and how, and they are brilliant clients as I find we both tend to end up very satisfied. But the ones who start hemming and hawing and could I do a little outfit change or put on a corset or do a sexy dance? Okay, but I think it's only going to show you how funny it looks having a woman (who is untrained like me) do a 'sexy' little dance for you and laughing is great but does not necessarily = orgasms!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 27 June 2010, 08:15:36 pm
I have seen it so many times, when I through the full on Violette experience at them, some poor men's dicks just shrink up and leave the building. They think they want the full on porn star experience, but even pop a vibrator in there and they start pulling the covers up and wanting to turn the lights off and make love, in missionary. I was tempted to ask one gent if he want me to lay there and pretend to be asleep, because overtime I moved it throw him off his stroke.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lucy Chambers on 27 June 2010, 08:30:55 pm
Well, its sunday at 8.31 pm. And guess who's 8pm booking didn't come in? Bloody good thing I didn't dash off to primark, eh?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 29 June 2010, 11:41:54 pm
Just now, 11:30pm.

RING RING
Me: Hello.
Him: Hi, Anika, I saw you in the paper.
Me: You mean in a magazine?
Him: No on the internet.
Me: You saw me in a paper on the internet?
Him: Yes I saw your number mumble mumble.
Me: Sorry you're going to have to keep your mouth next to the microphone.
Him: I got your number and I wanted to find out when we could meet.
Me: Wait I still want to know how you found me in a paper on the internet.
Him: Sorry I just found you on the internet.
Me: So not in a paper?
Him: Yes it's just strange calling someone up like this I don't know what to say.
Me: Ok, I just have to ask because a lot of people call me from an ad in a magazine where I was listed without permission and they haven't read my website. So have you read my website?
Him: No I haven't read it.
Me: Ok well I suggest you go back and read it and then we'll all be happier.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Miss Bond ;) on 30 June 2010, 03:48:05 am
Hehe this really is one of those threads where  I wish there was a 'LIKE' button as on Facebook. You guys have really made me chuckle.


I have some sploshing requests coming up soon, but I am too tired from laughing to tell you all just now. Just wanted to say thank you!!!!!


xxxx ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D still laughing  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D it's all sooooo true
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 30 June 2010, 08:55:40 am
Me: Wait I still want to know how you found me in a paper on the internet.

Bahahaha. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: FayeBloore on 30 June 2010, 10:31:48 am
Wasn't quite sure i handled this one correctly but his request disturbed me and then his making out that i was the person with a problem after refusing to participate infuriated me!!! Dam my marketting ploy of polite courtesy at all times, this knob received a cussing!

Me: Did you have something in particular in mind?

Dickhead: What I had in mind I suppose was to play on your petite size and youthful looks by exploring the whole 'daddy' role play thing... is that something you'd be comfortable with?

I'm in Ireland for the next week or so then back in London... how about maybe in the meantime if we agreed a rate for some naughty phone chats, and if you had, say, Paypal, I could transfer some cash and call you to discuss some fantasies? I imagine you have a vivid and highly erotic imagination which I'd love to hear about

A slightly Put-out Me: As we're being straight with each other, I shall be completely honest regarding your requests;
Age-roleplays and Daddy daughter role-plays aren't things I'm quite comfortable with so unfortunately would not be very convincing for you. Also I don't use a work phone- I arrange all meets by email and living with family makes it difficult for me to find anytime to myself.
 
I appreciate your offer to set up an unchanging rate for calls etc so I can feel comfortable but I'd much prefer to stay within the boundaries of my previous work; emails and meets only. Sorry that I've had to turn down your offer, I hope that you can find a young lady to accommodate you better than I.

Dickhead: Hi - I'm a bit surprised to be honest; I'd have thought your looks and naughtiness would have meant you'd be quite experienced with men like the age / daddy stuff! Certainly you look about 14 in the school uniform type pic on Seeking Arrangement lol, so I assumed you were well-versed in all of that.

To be honest the whole role play thing isn't something I'm ever into - the most I like of that is perhaps during fucking, when you're getting close to cumming and you start to moan 'daddy, fuck me harder please!' etc... that does it for me big time lol; whereas the whole play acting thing doesn't really... perhaps if I@m fortunate enough to meet and play with you we could at least try that!

Irate Me: are enough clients requesting a more conventional service from me to allow myself to keep to what i enjoy. I've tryed alot of different scenarios and levels of involvement with the whole 'daddy' idea but none of which I've felt comfortable with, sorry.
 
Just thought I'd let you know, as i feel that you may have your heart set on me calling you daddy at some or any point which is something unfortunately i will not indulge in.

Hoity Toity Dickhead: Hm.... no worries, you're entitled to your prejudices of course - though I feel that for someone who appears to pride herself on her ability to provide pleasure, then mere utterance of a 2-syllable / 5 letter word during intercourse really shouldn't be beyond her skills or willingness to please...

Silly Me: Why do I find that I'm not surprised you would take some offence to my last correspondence and be rude in return. I simply told you that i would not be doing as you've requested, it's my choice- something you seem have no respect for no matter what i say. It's not a prejudice; me not agreeing to calling you daddy, it's a choice i made, because i tryed it before and know that i wasn't convincing because it made me feel uncomfortable. And rightly so! I've tryed to be polite but you're quite disillusioned if you think many women would feel comfortable with addressing a sexual partner as their father.
 
'Priding' myself on a capacity to give pleasure, does not just extend to physical pleasure although i wouldn't say it was 'pride' with which i feel the weight of my talents more simply; that I'm aware they're there and that i can use them.
 
You are an insulting disillusioned man, how dare you try and force your strange fantasy onto me and then when i politely refuse you, tell me I'm the one with the problem, what a load of shit.





I am now wondering to myself why i did not express the full extent of my feelings towards his disturbing request.

Faye x

P.s. This post is in no way meant to offend any working Ladies or Gentlemen who have indulged in this kind of role-play, as I said to the dickhead- i tryed it but found it rather creepy.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 30 June 2010, 10:43:02 am
I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with how you handled it, though I would have just stopped responding after "looks and naughtiness". No good will come of corresponding with pushy arseholes (other than material for this thread).
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: FayeBloore on 30 June 2010, 10:53:18 am
This thread is what has kept me going whilst dealing with the mundane process of replying to emails in the same manner over and over........ praise the lard for comical time-wasters!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 30 June 2010, 12:26:58 pm
Faye, you handled it really well. I would have been really rude from the start, to be honest. I hate guys like that, I wonder if they have any idea how fucked up they are. The last guy that asked me for age play got a text back saying "You don't need a prostitute, you need a psychiatrist".
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sammy s on 30 June 2010, 01:14:43 pm
hey,

i know you don't list "being filmed" on your "likes" but do you allow being filmed? (like on video)

Obviously you have no way of trusting me, but no one would *ever* see it (no internet uploads, no mates seeing it etc). i'm not the type that would go telling mates ive gone with an escort...

thx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 30 June 2010, 01:23:51 pm
Faye, you have my sympathies. I once had a regular client who seemed very ordinary in his sexual tastes. Standard stuff, although he seemed a bit sleazy at times. On the 10th booking (or something like that) he started talking about roleplay and 'daddy' stuff etc. I was uncomfortable with it and told him so and he backed off but after the booking kept going on and on that 'maybe we could do it next time' etc -  I never answered his calls/messages again. I think you handled it really well.

Last night - (well got them this morning when switched on phone!)

2.30am - 2 missed calls from number
3am - text from said number "I'll giv you 100 for a lapdance and a bj?"
3.30am - another missed call from same number
4am - "come on babe you not workin?"

erm....no.
 ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: FayeBloore on 30 June 2010, 01:36:33 pm
Well he hasn't replied yet so I think I may have hit a nerve lol  :)
Poor perverted dear ey?

Hi Krystal, I think I'll be opting for your way in future and hi to LouLou aswell.

x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 01 July 2010, 10:52:56 am
On Adultwork this morning:

'Hiya,

So like the title says I am a 28 year ago guy who is new to the area and have moved here for work, so at the moment I don't know anyone outside of work.

Now this may not be the ask to come but I thought I would give it a go anyway. Basically Im looking for someone to hang out with, maybe a bar, cinema so food I don't know, anything to get out of the house on these warm summer nights. Im not looking for any other service other than going out together.

I would like to know if you might be up for something like that, maybe even get something arranged for this Friday night? Cinema, popcorn and treats on me!!

Hope to hear from you soon'

Umm... so, I should cancel all of my friday night bookings so that I can get free popcorn?  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 01 July 2010, 11:04:06 am
Umm... so, I should cancel all of my friday night bookings so that I can get free popcorn?  ::)

LOL! But don't you want a lovely friend who badgers you constantly for free sex and gropes you in the cinema? ;D

I had a guy yesterday who just wanted a date and he actually took up a whole hour of my time before telling me he wouldn't be paying because he didn't want sexual services, just a 'friend' or 'someone to go out for drinks with' - why the effing hell are they looking on Adultwork for SEX WORKERS?! These little boys just don't know what they want or how to get it. Time for another headdesk. Actually, this incident was too recent and I am still too cross - better not headdesk or I'll make a dent!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: pandora on 01 July 2010, 11:37:20 am
Faye, why did you not hang up after the first sentence?  Why humour people you do not wish to meet?

I am probably over harsh but its my life and my time.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: amy on 01 July 2010, 12:06:45 pm
Faye, why did you not hang up after the first sentence?  Why humour people you do not wish to meet?

I am probably over harsh but its my life and my time.

I agree. I've usually got a pretty good idea within the first 20 seconds of a call whether I ever want to be in the same room with the caller, and if necessary I make my excuses and hang up - just save the number under 'No' or whatever and probem solved  :).
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Richard on 01 July 2010, 05:19:30 pm
Faye, you certainly lived up to polite courtesy, but given the serious boundary pushing on his part, nothing you could say, short of "yes, daddy", would ever have been good enough. Some people do not deserve polite courtesy, because they do not return it.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: SnakeLady on 02 July 2010, 02:02:33 am
I agree. I've usually got a pretty good idea within the first 20 seconds of a call whether I ever want to be in the same room with the caller... <snip!>

Sounds like your Wank-O-Meter is finely tuned. Or is it Wanky-Dar? Ah, same old tools really.  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: FayeBloore on 02 July 2010, 10:59:28 am
It was his persistance that was key in annoying me and you're absolutely right Amy and Pandora, if he'd have phoned me i would have cut him off but he was emailing and was able to gradually irritate me over a time. x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 02 July 2010, 11:25:53 am
Don't know if this qualifies for this thread, but I saw a Reverse Booking on AW today for my area - want's a "regular girl to meet often" who "likes to drink alot" (when working?!) for.. wait for it.... 16 hour incall for ?150!!!! :o Oh yeah , I'm sure most escorts would love to do a 16 hour booking for around the same/similar to what most charge for 1 hour, just because you're a "really nice guy, easy to get on with" . If you were a really nice guy you would just book an hour if that's what you can afford instead of insulting us with an offer which works out at ?9 per hour!!!. :o My last job in a supermarket, they paid the nightshift more than that. grrrr. And 2 people placed a bid as well.  ???
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: SnakeLady on 02 July 2010, 02:42:26 pm
If you were a really nice guy you would just book an hour if that's what you can afford instead of insulting us with an offer which works out at ?9 per hour!!!. :o My last job in a supermarket, they paid the nightshift more than that. grrrr. And 2 people placed a bid as well.  ???

This is why I don't advertise my new site with AdultW**k. Call me a snob but I no longer wish to associate with a directory which lists barebacking as a "service" and tolerates above mentioned behaviour.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lucy Chambers on 03 July 2010, 07:53:41 pm
The latest



Hello Lucy

I am a artist and surfing the net,(as you do) came across your site. I don't know what it is about you, but there is something magic.

EDIT EDIT EDIT..too long and boring

I am thinking no payment, just the mutual joy of creating beautiful images for you and your punters to enjoy. My addt details are,,

I am going to buy a gun. Now. This minute.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 04 July 2010, 07:38:08 pm
Got this email

You look stunnning and your "CV" shows you would be a lot of fun to have around. Would you consider spending time with my pretty 38 year old transvestie submissive husband. Photos available.
Sue.

 - WTF? - Do you want to book or what?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 07 July 2010, 01:18:03 pm
Not strictly for this topic as he had already made the booking but i think its worth including all the same.

Client (near end of booking) 'You told me your real name the last time i saw you didnt you?'

Me 'No i never tell anyone my real name'

Client 'No you definately told me your real name'

Me 'Well if i had told you my real name you would now know what i was really called wouldnt you?'

Nice try though eh? ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Blue on 07 July 2010, 04:37:38 pm
" seen your add on punternet, can you tell me what your like and rates are as can't access website on phone"

describe myself and rates

"when are you free"

tell him when im free

"ok i will call you back then"

ok great thanks

"oh..before I go do you have a boyfriend"

no

"would you date clients"

no

"will you meet me for a coffee"

(by this stage i just wanted to get rid of him)

maybe...see how we get on

"I will call you next week to take you for a coffee"

ok then (I wont answer)

"can't wait speak soon"

bye!

Only put my add back on punternet last week!  I don't get that type of call from vivastreet!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 08 July 2010, 10:52:03 am
You look stunnning and your "CV" shows you would be a lot of fun to have around. Would you consider spending time with my pretty 38 year old transvestie submissive husband. Photos available.
Sue.

Hmm I've had a transvestite called Sue sending me stupid texts and picture messages for the last few days... Really annoying.

I had a guy call me the other day. He asked if him and his wife could book myself and another male escort. Then he asked if my male friend wouldn't mind getting his wife pregnant! Surprisingly he hung up when I asked to speak to his wife  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: *amber* on 12 July 2010, 11:01:44 am
yay I got my own one now!!!

Quote
Subject: Hello nice girl who show a little her lovely breast
 
 

I'm going to travel to england with my biGirlfiend mid august. Do you do long booking as a sensual travel compagnion ie 24h, 3 days, 7 days? What are your price for plenty of fun?
We are looking for a good FFM3some whith a nice girl with plenty of kissing, licking and sucking. All expenses are for us.
Thank you nice girl
Kiss

 

Someone needs to tell him I am not a nice girl!

Kisses

Amber
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Blue on 12 July 2010, 02:29:54 pm
text "do you visit .... do you drive? tb"

"yes, i offer outcalls"

text "cud u kum and meet me and wud it be alrite if we stayed in ur car.tb"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 12 July 2010, 02:41:25 pm
text "do you visit .... do you drive? tb"

"yes, i offer outcalls"

text "cud u kum and meet me and wud it be alrite if we stayed in ur car.tb"
This made me laugh. Some clients.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 12 July 2010, 03:46:00 pm
text "do you visit .... do you drive? tb"

"yes, i offer outcalls"

text "cud u kum and meet me and wud it be alrite if we stayed in ur car.tb"

Love the way he puts 'tb' at the end, like me and my friends used to do... when we were in school, about fifteen years old, with our first Nokia phones (http://www.neohide.com/files/samsungz240/nokia-3310.jpg). Funnily enough we didn't think to bother any prostitutes. :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Amalia on 12 July 2010, 04:39:25 pm
yay I got my own one now!!!

Quote
Subject: Hello nice girl who show a little her lovely breast
 
 

I'm going to travel to england with my biGirlfiend mid august. Do you do long booking as a sensual travel compagnion ie 24h, 3 days, 7 days? What are your price for plenty of fun?
We are looking for a good FFM3some whith a nice girl with plenty of kissing, licking and sucking. All expenses are for us.
Thank you nice girl
Kiss

 

Someone needs to tell him I am not a nice girl!

Kisses

Amber


i've got the same message n my mail..... only saying who doesnt show her lovely breast.........

from a bloke named Nevada or so
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: *amber* on 12 July 2010, 05:44:04 pm
Awww and there was me thinking I am special  :'(

well my breasts are lovely so they needed showing!!!!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Amalia on 12 July 2010, 05:53:36 pm
big hug ......
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: MissHolly on 12 July 2010, 10:43:12 pm
Last night...1am

Client: Can I ask you a few questions?
Me: Of course
Client: What services do you provide?
Me: A lovely GFE, oral and sex with protection
Client: Protection? What is protection?
Me: A condom
Client: Are you shaved?
Me: I have a bikini wax and the rest is trimmed short
Client: So you are not shaved?
Me: No, I have a bikini wax and the rest is trimmed short
Client: I like it when girl is all shaved
Me: Well, I'm not all shaved so perhaps I'm not the girl for you
Client: Is it possible for you to shave before you come over?
Me: No
Client: Or you can shave when you get here
Me: No, I wouldn't feel comfortable with that, I prefer not to shave all my hair
Client: I have a machine
Me: No
Client: But it's brand new machine, very good one!

Argh, keep your horrid machine away from me you scary man! And as if I'd visit anyone who hasn't hard of protected sex!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 13 July 2010, 09:54:22 am
Argh, keep your horrid machine away from me you scary man! And as if I'd visit anyone who hasn't hard of protected sex!

Aahahaha, I literally cackled aloud. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: css3456 on 13 July 2010, 12:37:45 pm
Miss Holly, you made me laugh out loud!

Just had my own ridiculous punter:

but i cant even get close to the amount you are asking for. but if you ever wanna go out with a handsome, polite and well educated young english guy (26!) then let me know.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: pandora on 13 July 2010, 01:22:53 pm
Last night...1am

Client: Can I ask you a few questions?
Me: Of course
Client: What services do you provide?
Me: A lovely GFE, oral and sex with protection
Client: Protection? What is protection?
Me: A condom
Client: Are you shaved?
Me: I have a bikini wax and the rest is trimmed short
Client: So you are not shaved?
Me: No, I have a bikini wax and the rest is trimmed short
Client: I like it when girl is all shaved
Me: Well, I'm not all shaved so perhaps I'm not the girl for you
Client: Is it possible for you to shave before you come over?
Me: No
Client: Or you can shave when you get here
Me: No, I wouldn't feel comfortable with that, I prefer not to shave all my hair
Client: I have a machine
Me: No
Client: But it's brand new machine, very good one!

Argh, keep your horrid machine away from me you scary man! And as if I'd visit anyone who hasn't hard of protected sex!

Why do you humour people for this many questions? I would have hung up at protection, lol.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 13 July 2010, 01:33:11 pm
Seems like they can't be pleased - I am fully shaved and keep getting texts and calls asking if I could 'grow it for a week or two' before we meet. Because I'm sure my regs who prefer me shaven would be SO pleased. I will never know why they can't just look for a lady who has what they want  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 14 July 2010, 12:41:50 am
Latest email:

hi, do you offer discount if this was to become a regular thing?
 
thanks


Erm...No comment
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Emelie on 14 July 2010, 01:01:58 am
Latest email:

hi, do you offer discount if this was to become a regular thing?
 

A client I saw once later texted me asking if we could 'make a deal', if he saw me, say once a month. Ha!

It's always the guys, who I actually enjoy spending the booking with while hoping they will become a regular, who disappoint me with this stuff.

Other ones from this week:

A text: "Do u like spanking honey??"

An email: "Hello Amber..." (my name is not Amber)

A text: "Hi, I just made a booking with you for 9 pm, can you confim me by text..." (my phone had been off for several days when I got this)

A text: "Can I have an outcall tonight at xxx (guy gives his full address, also I don't do any outcalls)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 14 July 2010, 01:30:38 am
Latest email:

hi, do you offer discount if this was to become a regular thing?
 

A client I saw once later texted me asking if we could 'make a deal', if he saw me, say once a month. Ha!

It's always the guys, who I actually enjoy spending the booking with while hoping they will become a regular, who disappoint me with this stuff.

Other ones from this week:

A text: "Do u like spanking honey??"

An email: "Hello Amber..." (my name is not Amber)

A text: "Hi, I just made a booking with you for 9 pm, can you confim me by text..." (my phone had been off for several days when I got this)

A text: "Can I have an outcall tonight at xxx (guy gives his full address, also I don't do any outcalls)

Bad enough when a regular asks, but this was the very first contact from the client.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Blue on 14 July 2010, 02:01:21 pm
"Do you have sexy underwear?"

 ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dani on 14 July 2010, 05:36:55 pm
This is the best I have ever had.
 
Idiot "can I have an hour duo booking with you for a guaranteed collagen replacement gel that costs ?150 a pot an you can have 2". "the science proves it penetrates the skin" " the gel is exclusive to us and is called Clayton shagal"
 This was immediatley followed by
"well will you"
then
"Please answer, if it doesnt work for you after a month I will come and pay you"

I politely explained that NO collogen gel will penetrate the skin unless it is hydolyzed collagen in which case the particles are so small they are immediately washed out via the lymphatic flow.

The idiot even sent me to the website which has NO scientific back up just loads of false claims that they cannot prove to be true.

I am now on text 25 as have been ignoring him but he just wont let up.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lucy Chambers on 14 July 2010, 05:48:32 pm
This is the best I have ever had.
 
Idiot "can I have an hour duo booking with you for a guaranteed collagen replacement gel that costs ?150 a pot an you can have 2". "the science proves it penetrates the skin" " the gel is exclusive to us and is called Clayton shagal"
 This was immediatley followed by
"well will you"
then
"Please answer, if it doesnt work for you after a month I will come and pay you"

I politely explained that NO collogen gel will penetrate the skin unless it is hydolyzed collagen in which case the particles are so small they are immediately washed out via the lymphatic flow.

The idiot even sent me to the website which has NO scientific back up just loads of false claims that they cannot prove to be true.

I am now on text 25 as have been ignoring him but he just wont let up.

So now they want us to fuck for botox/oil of ulay? Golly, I would at least want some restalyn!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 14 July 2010, 06:00:36 pm
I politely explained that NO collogen gel will penetrate the skin unless it is hydolyzed collagen in which case the particles are so small they are immediately washed out via the lymphatic flow.

I think I love you. ;D That guy has no idea who he's talking to!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dani on 14 July 2010, 09:17:32 pm
I politely explained that NO collogen gel will penetrate the skin unless it is hydolyzed collagen in which case the particles are so small they are immediately washed out via the lymphatic flow.

I think I love you. ;D That guy has no idea who he's talking to!

I know, even when I explained I know what I am talking about he was trying to fob me off ::)

Now if he had offered a full course of derma fillers, a face lift or new veneers then I may well have said yes ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 14 July 2010, 10:03:04 pm
This is the best I have ever had.
 
Idiot "can I have an hour duo booking with you for a guaranteed collagen replacement gel that costs ?150 a pot an you can have 2". "the science proves it penetrates the skin" " the gel is exclusive to us and is called Clayton shagal"
 This was immediatley followed by
"well will you"
then
"Please answer, if it doesnt work for you after a month I will come and pay you"

I politely explained that NO collogen gel will penetrate the skin unless it is hydolyzed collagen in which case the particles are so small they are immediately washed out via the lymphatic flow.

The idiot even sent me to the website which has NO scientific back up just loads of false claims that they cannot prove to be true.

I am now on text 25 as have been ignoring him but he just wont let up.

That is truly priceless! What an idiot. Good girl.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Amalia on 15 July 2010, 09:13:01 pm
client asks
if we meet sunday when is good for you??

i say any time

than he says most people on .... are rude, you are very very nice,

i say thanks, so do you want to book

client.. yes.
and than ask what kind of cocks do you like

i say i like them all :0)

clients says ow... and askw me how many ive had

than says, do you ever socialise with cliets

so i say, only if they pay me for it :0)

client say, haha real busines woman...

so i say do you want to book or not, if not bye

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Spangle on 16 July 2010, 02:44:12 pm
**Dear Melody,

I'm Karl, I'm 42 and told very attractive, I'm also very submissive and enjoy serving attractive and assertive ladies.

I'm a professional mobile car valeter and detailer from the Uxbridge area.

I have many years of experience Repairing car bumper scuffs, scratches and alloy wheel scuffs as well as cleaning, valeting and detailing cars.

I have also served ladies as a domestic cleaner and odd job man.

As I have this desire to serve and be exploited by a lady such as yourself I would like to offer my services to you totally free of charge.

This offer is not too good to be true I would like to fully valet your car as regularly as you would like and all I ask for in return is to be treated as your servant. Strange but true!

As I do obviously need to earn a living too, I would like to make this offer to just 1 or 2 ladies who would like a regular free of charge service.

I'm totally mobile and can provide services at your home or business.

So if you think you could use me now or in the future please feel free to call me anytime.

Mobile: 07*** 4** 3**

Best Regards

Karl x  **

Brilliant...Just Brilliant. I wonder if he'd wash my car in a gimp suit on request?

xx


[Edited to remove contact details]
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 16 July 2010, 02:57:18 pm
Brilliant...Just Brilliant. I wonder if he'd wash my car in a gimp suit on request?

He'd wash it, but then he'd probably ejaculate all over it.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Blue on 16 July 2010, 03:51:15 pm
Quote
So now they want us to fuck for botox/oil of ulay? Golly, I would at least want some restalyn!

I had someone offer botox for a booking, I'm not even 25 yet!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Blue on 16 July 2010, 03:53:04 pm
**Dear Melody,

I'm Karl, I'm 42 and told very attractive, I'm also very submissive and enjoy serving attractive and assertive ladies.

I'm a professional mobile car valeter and detailer from the Uxbridge area.

I have many years of experience Repairing car bumper scuffs, scratches and alloy wheel scuffs as well as cleaning, valeting and detailing cars.

I have also served ladies as a domestic cleaner and odd job man.

As I have this desire to serve and be exploited by a lady such as yourself I would like to offer my services to you totally free of charge.

This offer is not too good to be true I would like to fully valet your car as regularly as you would like and all I ask for in return is to be treated as your servant. Strange but true!

As I do obviously need to earn a living too, I would like to make this offer to just 1 or 2 ladies who would like a regular free of charge service.

I'm totally mobile and can provide services at your home or business.

So if you think you could use me now or in the future please feel free to call me anytime.

Mobile: 07*** 4** 3**

Best Regards

Karl x  **

Brilliant...Just Brilliant. I wonder if he'd wash my car in a gimp suit on request?

xx


If only he was in my area, I need my car doing !



[Edited to remove contact details]
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Spangle on 16 July 2010, 04:13:37 pm
Well Blue he is fully mobile...x  ;) lol


p.s Sorry administators, will make sure I disguise the number next time   :-*
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 16 July 2010, 06:38:10 pm
This offer is not too good to be true

Haha
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 17 July 2010, 01:31:06 am
This is the best I have ever had.
 
Idiot "can I have an hour duo booking with you for a guaranteed collagen replacement gel that costs ?150 a pot an you can have 2". "the science proves it penetrates the skin" " the gel is exclusive to us and is called Clayton shagal"
 This was immediatley followed by
"well will you"
then
"Please answer, if it doesnt work for you after a month I will come and pay you"

I politely explained that NO collogen gel will penetrate the skin unless it is hydolyzed collagen in which case the particles are so small they are immediately washed out via the lymphatic flow.

The idiot even sent me to the website which has NO scientific back up just loads of false claims that they cannot prove to be true.

I am now on text 25 as have been ignoring him but he just wont let up.

His name wasn?t Clayton by any chance?
Clayton shagal ? Am I the only one who noticed this? Shag gal? Snigger, or is it just me being juvenile?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dani on 17 July 2010, 12:13:10 pm
Nope it is a real company that sells its product under the assumption that it really replaces lost collagen in your skin and then charges ?60 for a tiny tiny pot. Yes it will make your skin look fresher like any moisturiser but it will not do what it says on the label. Unfortunately only fillers or a facelift can make wrinkles disappear.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lucy Chambers on 17 July 2010, 12:15:57 pm
**Dear Melody,

I'm Karl, I'm 42 and told very attractive, I'm also very submissive and enjoy serving attractive and assertive ladies.

I'm a professional mobile car valeter and detailer from the Uxbridge area.

I have many years of experience Repairing car bumper scuffs, scratches and alloy wheel scuffs as well as cleaning, valeting and detailing cars.

I have also served ladies as a domestic cleaner and odd job man.

As I have this desire to serve and be exploited by a lady such as yourself I would like to offer my services to you totally free of charge.

This offer is not too good to be true I would like to fully valet your car as regularly as you would like and all I ask for in return is to be treated as your servant. Strange but true!

As I do obviously need to earn a living too, I would like to make this offer to just 1 or 2 ladies who would like a regular free of charge service.

I'm totally mobile and can provide services at your home or business.

So if you think you could use me now or in the future please feel free to call me anytime.

Mobile: 07*** 4** 3**

Best Regards

Karl x  **

Brilliant...Just Brilliant. I wonder if he'd wash my car in a gimp suit on request?

xx


If only he was in my area, I need my car doing !



[Edited to remove contact details]

Damn. Those alloys could do with a buff!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Spangle on 18 July 2010, 11:07:07 pm
Yet another gem from AW. A irresistable offer from a true class act..

darling

i am looking for a open and fun female who can live in darlington (n-e uk) and work as live-in babysitter / au - pair

so what do you get:

1) rent free accomodation, food and 24 x 7 broadband
3) no monthly household bills for you
5) free weekends (2 days per week), free evenings everyday after 4pm
6) ?400 per month cash on top

what do i get:

1) discreet fun when my wife is not around / busy ..... lol
2) daytime care for our 2 small kids when we at office


i am 32 yrs old married man, gym fit and atheletic living with wife and 2 kids

if above sounds interesting then i give my number or else call you

please no time wasting if not of interest
kisses
 


What an offer eh? a month in box room, "discreet" fun, the pleasure of caring for 2 rugrats and mopping the bogs all for the equivalent of a 2 hour booking. Seriously?? Where do these plonker come up with this? Do you reckon anyone ever agrees to these sort of offers?

Ah well, keeps me amused..I'm easily pleased xx

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lucy Chambers on 18 July 2010, 11:39:24 pm
Hate to do this as I know you must be packing to go, but I had that three weeks ago. I was just wondering where I would put the kids while I serviced Daddy..
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Spangle on 19 July 2010, 12:02:14 am
Aww Juicy Lucy! You've ruined it for me now..I thought I was "special" *SOB* teehee xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dani on 19 July 2010, 12:13:02 am
Melody sorry sweetie but I had that one weeks ago too so did my touring buddy and our duo profile ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 19 July 2010, 10:50:24 am
I didn't! Don't I look like I'd be good with kids? :'(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Blue on 19 July 2010, 04:04:39 pm
Is this just me but

7 missed calls in 10minutes, really pisses me off, to the point that I wouldn't want to see that client?

leave a message, send a text, try in 5-10minutes but constantly calling?!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 19 July 2010, 04:18:37 pm
7 missed calls in 10minutes, really pisses me off, to the point that I wouldn't want to see that client?

It, um, probably does indicate a bit of dimness. Or it makes me imagine someone so furiously impatient that their head is turning tomato-coloured. ;D And overall, it's just silly. Calling someone once per minute never makes anything happen faster! If it's that urgent then they should've sent an email 24 hours earlier, tsk tsk.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 19 July 2010, 05:06:24 pm
What an offer eh? a month in box room, "discreet" fun, the pleasure of caring for 2 rugrats and mopping the bogs all for the equivalent of a 2 hour booking. Seriously?? Where do these plonker come up with this? Do you reckon anyone ever agrees to these sort of offers?

That sounds like pure slavery, with the exception you're getting paid. Maybe an indentured servant. Just remember: If someone can concoct such an offer, no matter how ridiculous, there must be someone who's willing to take up on it. Sad but true....
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 19 July 2010, 05:40:22 pm
7 missed calls in 10minutes, really pisses me off, to the point that I wouldn't want to see that client

I hate it when they do that! I went to a two hour concert the other week, left my phone in the car. Checked my phone afterwards to find 52 missed calls from the same number! Creepy.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lucy Chambers on 20 July 2010, 08:44:37 am
I didn't! Don't I look like I'd be good with kids? :'(

Well, if you fancy a duo for the same money we could have a sprog each..and top to tail in the box room. Bliss!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 20 July 2010, 09:02:10 am
7 missed calls in 10minutes, really pisses me off, to the point that I wouldn't want to see that client

I hate it when they do that! I went to a two hour concert the other week, left my phone in the car. Checked my phone afterwards to find 52 missed calls from the same number! Creepy.

Yes that always gives me the chills as well. Would you really want to see a client that obsessive anyway? He would be making you line all your clothers up in alphabetical order on the bedroom floor.

The ones who ring from several different phones really creep me out. You speak to them on one number and they seem wierd so you give them a wide berth. Then they ring again off a different mobile and then AGAIN off another different one.

Why would you need three mobiles? (unless you were and escort yourself of course ;D)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 20 July 2010, 10:51:12 am
Why would you need three mobiles? (unless you were and escort yourself of course ;D)

I guess they need them for freaking escorts out with! I had a recent stupid thing with a guy like that; he called and made an appointment for the next Thursday with a number already saved in my phone as M***. Then he started texting incessantly so I told him firmly to stop. Then he got really rude and told me to bugger off, so I didn't reply (since I agreed that I would indeed bugger off) and obviously cancelled his booking and blocked his number. Next thing I know, I get a really polite little text from another number saved as a different name asking whether he could move the Thursday booking from evening to lunchtime - and yes, it was the only booking I'd taken for that day so argh, this guy has presumably been badgering me from various numbers and names for ages but I'd gotten lazy about blocking and recording creeps' numbers since it's just easier to ignore them sometimes, especially when you have different jobs and stuff to be getting on with. So he got really close to actually being invited into my house to spend time alone and naked with me, despite clearly being an annoying twit at the very least. I was a bit shaken but god, I know you just can't let your guard down for even a second.

I noticed yesterday that the BEEP BEEP of my crappy work phone when it gets a text literally makes me sweaty with dread. :P They should make specific escort phones which allow you to set it to always refuse texts (with a standard response like 'Don't Text, You Numpty') unless from specified numbers (safety buddies, etc!) and loooads of space to store numbers that are blocked altogether, along with lengthy notes on the specific crazy methodologies of each blocked caller.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dani on 20 July 2010, 05:16:12 pm



 :P They should make specific escort phones which allow you to set it to always refuse texts (with a standard response like 'Don't Text, You Numpty') unless from specified numbers (safety buddies, etc!) and loooads of space to store numbers that are blocked altogether, along with lengthy notes on the specific crazy methodologies of each blocked caller.

I have the nokia 5800 and downloaded a programme call call filter. I save a number and description then just add it to the blocked list. Its great as I never know they have even tried phoning unless I check as it automatically blocks their number. It also blocks all witheld numbers too  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Blue on 20 July 2010, 06:09:28 pm

 
Message:
could you go into detail about what you offer, thanks

reply
Have you looked on my site?
http://www.*************.co.uk/services/

Thanks

Message:
yes i did! but give me more detail about protected penetration, what does that involve?

reply

Sex with a condom.

thanks
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: *amber* on 20 July 2010, 06:20:41 pm
lmfao what was he expecting with 'protected penetration'? Crash helmet and knee pads?

Bless!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 20 July 2010, 07:13:32 pm
I have the nokia 5800 and downloaded a programme call call filter. I save a number and description then just add it to the blocked list. Its great as I never know they have even tried phoning unless I check as it automatically blocks their number. It also blocks all witheld numbers too  ;D

Ooh, thanks for the recommendation! I was just browsing for a new work phone the other day and obviously the Carphone Warehouse etc don't advertise any phone features that might actually me useful to me. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Blue on 21 July 2010, 09:23:18 am
I have the nokia 5800 and downloaded a programme call call filter. I save a number and description then just add it to the blocked list. Its great as I never know they have even tried phoning unless I check as it automatically blocks their number. It also blocks all witheld numbers too  ;D

Ooh, thanks for the recommendation! I was just browsing for a new work phone the other day and obviously the Carphone Warehouse etc don't advertise any phone features that might actually me useful to me. ;D

I have an android htc phone, with android I can have call filter the free version lets you automatically block withheld numbers and any other number you add to the block list, also have DGAway which automatically responds to calls / texts or both with a message that you pick so if you auto respond to texts with "sorry I don't reply to texts please call me..."
Hope this helps.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: *amber* on 24 July 2010, 11:30:41 am
Heres my latest one.

Quote
Hello,
Im 18 years old very inexperienced with a 7 and half inch cock
can you sort me out ? (; x

Sort him out with what exactly!!?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lucy Chambers on 25 July 2010, 11:09:46 am
The latest- this one actually upset me though. (regular client, has asked me out and been told NO

Him: Lucy, can I see you on the 30th at 8.30 in Stroud?
Me: I'm sorry, could we make it the 31st? I have some family stuff that I need to do
Him: How about earlier, like 1pm.
Me: I am sorry, I cannot see you before the 31st.

3 hours later

Him: Well, I see I might as well call on the day then, it looks like it would get as much priority! Just to say though, if you lie you need a good memory. I didn't think you had any family. Mum deceased, (sorry) Dad deceased (sorry again) But hey, we all need time away from those we work and play with, no one is begrudging you that!


I actually cried when I read this.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 25 July 2010, 11:26:23 am
Wow.

If you don't need to hang onto him I'd consider cutting him loose. Say you realise he was being thoughtless and not deliberately hurtful, but it's better for you not to have that sort of thing in your life if you can help it.

(Then make yourself a hot chocolate and think about kicking him in the nads.)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cherrylips on 25 July 2010, 11:30:49 am
Grrr  >:(

I would never see him again - what a horrible manipulative twat saying that to you.  I do think he was being deliberately hurtful  just cos he can't get his own way.  xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lucy Chambers on 25 July 2010, 11:40:09 am
I haven't replied yet, I am composing myself.

He started getting a bit odd a few weeks ago, he sent me a email saying that he thought it was 'love'. I put him right and explained, quite nicely, that I wasn't looking for a relationship as I had plans to travel, had been recently bereaved etc etc. This is the result. Thanks guys, but I think i'm going to go to bed for a bit and then delete his messages. I don't trust myself to reply.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 25 July 2010, 11:52:33 am
I do think he was being deliberately hurtful  just cos he can't get his own way.

(Quite possibly. Actually yes, clearly. I just always feel better when I manage to be polite and reasonable when provoked, though it may be different for others.)

It didn't occur to me that he was responding to recent bereavement. That's just incredible and you're definitely best rid of him. At least he got his horrible side out in the open by email so you never have to see or speak to him again.

*Hugs* I hope you feel better after your rest.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 25 July 2010, 11:57:09 am
Oh Lucy, I am indeed sorry. I would from this point sever all ties with him! Do not respond to his email and do not answer his phones. He is a right bastard for going down that personal of a road. Hang in there.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: amy on 25 July 2010, 12:11:16 pm
Oh Lucy, I am indeed sorry. I would from this point sever all ties with him! Do not respond to his email and do not answer his phones. He is a right bastard for going down that personal of a road. Hang in there.

Ditto - what a nasty, manipulative prick  >:(. Block his emails and forget him - you don't need scumbags like that (and even if he hadn't pulled this delightful act, it sounds like he was well on his way down that 'difficult' road and you're better off getting rid now).

*sends Jaffa Cakes*
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Amber Sweetpetite on 25 July 2010, 01:04:49 pm
Oh Lucy, I am indeed sorry. I would from this point sever all ties with him! Do not respond to his email and do not answer his phones. He is a right bastard for going down that personal of a road. Hang in there.

Ditto - what a nasty, manipulative prick  >:(. Block his emails and forget him - you don't need scumbags like that (and even if he hadn't pulled this delightful act, it sounds like he was well on his way down that 'difficult' road and you're better off getting rid now).

*sends Jaffa Cakes*

Yeh sounds like a complete tosser.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Amber Sweetpetite on 25 July 2010, 01:07:53 pm
Have a guy from AW wanting an hour incall when I'm in Glagow next month. He has no feedback. So ask him to complete a booking request which he does. Then starts the messages. First can you wear those red shoes. Me, yes no probs. Next can you bring basques and corsets. Ok yes no probs. Then can you wear glasses. Now I'm getting irritated. Ok yes no probs. Then can you wear diamante hoop earrings with diameter (such and such). So now I've decided to forget it so I posted back. Actually, I am allergic to cheap jewellery so if you can buy me some gold and diamond ones I would be happy to wear. He has just come back with "what carat?'.  ::) ::) ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Cherrylips on 25 July 2010, 01:16:53 pm

I just always feel better when I manage to be polite and reasonable when provoked, though it may be different for others.)

In certain circumstances perhaps.  However, if someone is provoking someone about their deceased parents then personally I don't feel that they deserve a polite and reasonable response.  Maybe its just me. *sigh*
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 25 July 2010, 01:45:59 pm
Yeah, I think no contact is the best. When I first posted I didn't realise just how much of a prick he was being.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: *amber* on 25 July 2010, 05:47:39 pm
Lucy do you want me to send the boys around? What a see you next tuesday!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 26 July 2010, 01:26:20 am
sorry for the late response....  thank you for responding.....  please know i would like to set something up with you....   right now, i have to get oral an oral surgery.... but i have been home doing nothing for a week now and can't do anything oral for another week....  after that all should be well
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 26 July 2010, 02:28:28 pm
Oh Lucy  >:( >:( >:(

I wouldn't be able to remain composed - I'd send him an email telling him exactly what sort of man I thought he was and that I'd NEVER see him again. He may change his number though and try to see you again. In that case I would suggest looking out the window as every client arrives (I do this anyway) and if it is ever him, don't answer the door.

Hope you are feeling better after your sleep. I felt so angry on your behalf reading that.

I got this today from Vivastreet -

"Please email some pics of you in wool dresses and wear them for sessions . ?100 an hour" what????

and this text the other day

"Fancy an overnight? ?150" erm noooooooooo! Another couple of girls in the area got this tempting offer too!

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lucy Chambers on 26 July 2010, 07:04:30 pm
Thank you all...you guys are great by the way.

I am not going to say anything to him as I think I have a potential stalker. But I am going to send a carefully worded email in a few days when I know what to say, I am still really flipping annoyed at the moment and I want to make sure I nail him when I do email.

Again,

much appreciated..

Lucy x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 27 July 2010, 09:05:35 am
Thank you all...you guys are great by the way.

I am not going to say anything to him as I think I have a potential stalker. But I am going to send a carefully worded email in a few days when I know what to say, I am still really flipping annoyed at the moment and I want to make sure I nail him when I do email.

Again,

much appreciated..

Lucy x

If he tries to respond to the email though Lucy i really wouldn't answer. As others have said block him and be done. This job can be tough enough at the best of times without some horrid emotional leech like that sucking the life out of you. Horrid, odious man >:(

On a lighter note i had this phonecall yesterday, from a woman and quite frankly i would have expected better from another of our own fair sex.

Her: 'Me and my boyfriend would like to organise an hours outcall threesome at 8pm tomorrow night at 29 blah blah blah.

Me: Yes that will be fine i can make an outcall then no problem

Her: How much will it be?

Me: Well i charge my standard hours outcall rate with an extra ?70 for the fact i am seeing a couple so it will be ?200 altogether.

Her: Oh do you charge extra for a couple? i didn't realise, thought it would just be ?130. In that case it doesn't matter (then hangs up)

Now did she seriously think I'm going to do twice the work for no extra money? I mean i can understand a man making the assumption that i do this job for the sheer joy of getting up close and personal to his dangly bits but not a woman :o
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 27 July 2010, 09:41:33 am
Women can be just as guilty of not realising they're talking to A Person. At least she did ask.

(I do charge the same even though it's more work. But then no-one gets to book me for just an hour.)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 28 July 2010, 11:36:46 pm
Another one :

"I'm looking to book you as a treat for my birthday which was last week. I am into oral kissing and foodfun. I would like to bring some vegetables if i could. Can you tell me which is the biggest vegetable you could comfortably take?"

haaaaahaaaa! Got a laugh at that email  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xw5 on 29 July 2010, 11:14:33 am
"Well, I'm not taking you."
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 29 July 2010, 02:28:07 pm
Another one :

"I'm looking to book you as a treat for my birthday which was last week. I am into oral kissing and foodfun. I would like to bring some vegetables if i could. Can you tell me which is the biggest vegetable you could comfortably take?"

haaaaahaaaa! Got a laugh at that email  ;D

A pumpkin up the bum?!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 29 July 2010, 09:36:19 pm
A pumpkin up the bum?!

LOL....Im always cracking up at your posts LOL. I guess that puts fisting to shame  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: FayeBloore on 03 August 2010, 03:50:53 pm
Attention,

Permit me to solicit for your assistance to invest in your country. I have been searching for a advanced/developing country with economic and political stability to invest in. I wish you will be of a great assistance to me considering your position and statues in business. However, I will keep further detail personal till when I read from you. I wish my dream to invest in your country will be a successful one. I do expect to read from you as soon as possible.

Yours,

P****


Arggggh I simply do not understand some clients!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 03 August 2010, 03:59:28 pm
Attention,

Permit me to solicit for your assistance to invest in your country. I have been searching for a advanced/developing country with economic and political stability to invest in. I wish you will be of a great assistance to me considering your position and statues in business. However, I will keep further detail personal till when I read from you. I wish my dream to invest in your country will be a successful one. I do expect to read from you as soon as possible.

Yours,

P****


Arggggh I simply do not understand some clients!

I don't think (http://www.419eater.com/) that was a client. ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: FayeBloore on 03 August 2010, 05:30:20 pm
Thank you Emily! I had a funny feeling it might be some kind of spam although I'm not very computer literate so didn't feel confident in making that assumption.

Although that link you've given me was fab! I'm going to torment his or her greedy arse whenever business is slow or I cannot bare to sift through the cack.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 06 August 2010, 07:00:15 pm
Voicemail on my work mobile this afternoon

'Hi Simone, my names Ed, i was wondering if you would do an outcall to Alnwick today? I appreciate its quite a distance (Alnwick is at least 90 minutes drive from my address) but i am wanting to book you for a whole hour'

Why thankyou kind sir for being so generous  as to offer me a full hour appointment for what would be a 3 hour round driving trip! especially as my minimun outcall booking time IS one hour ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 06 August 2010, 08:47:14 pm
Why not try specifying a minimum booking time for distances outside of your city? Or an additional fee per hour of travelling? :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 06 August 2010, 09:17:16 pm
Why not try specifying a minimum booking time for distances outside of your city? Or an additional fee per hour of travelling? :)

I do state travelling costs applicable for journies over 20 miles from my home. I dont mind going for the hour if they pay travelling costs. It was the 'im going to book you for a whole hour'  bit as if he was doing me a favour that made me smile ;D

Seeming as though its a vivastreet ad i dont suppose it would get read either way, ive got my rates right at the top of my advert as well but people always ring asking 'How much?'
Although i think thats got more to do with them hoping i will quote a lower price than  anything ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Blue on 18 August 2010, 01:41:44 pm
Repeat customers text.

"hi r u available at 4pm? txt bk want half hr, its adam had u b4."






Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: pandora on 18 August 2010, 10:05:16 pm
"Hi, I assume you visit service stations"

Me- well I could if there is a hotel there.

"No, I have a big truck"

Me - Oh lovely, Do I  bring the bin bags and shovel or do you already have them in the back of your wagon?


Also:

"Me m8 said u was gd shag, wot u look like and wot u do?" 

And:

"Hi BBE, u do BB? tb asap"

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dani on 18 August 2010, 10:12:49 pm
"Im finkin of cumin 2 fuck u 2mow, u swolow spunk?"

My reply, "I am thinking of blocking your number  as you are just far too high classed for me"

Number blocked.

Jeez where do these idiots come from
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: lauralashes on 30 August 2010, 03:15:22 pm
Not the strangest of requests but this weekend a regular (well, sort of, he's seen me a couple of time) asked if I could accompany him to a wedding he's been invited to! I politely declined but can you imagine what it would be like when he introduces me to people!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Stephanies Secrets on 30 August 2010, 04:34:07 pm
When you call and ask if I'm available and where I'm based, and I tell you, "Yes, I'm available until such a time, and I have a flat near such a place!" this isn't a booking, it's an inquiry. A booking is when we agree on a certain time and I tell you more precisely where I am. A booking will get me off my arse and looking pretty, an inquiry, well, I might get off my arse and make myself a cup of tea.

So, when you call me, half an hour after making your inquiry, and tell me "I'm at such a place, where do I go now?" don't be surprised when you then have to wait around for me to get myself ready to meet you  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Emelie on 30 August 2010, 06:50:58 pm
When you call and ask if I'm available and where I'm based, and I tell you, "Yes, I'm available until such a time, and I have a flat near such a place!" this isn't a booking, it's an inquiry. A booking is when we agree on a certain time and I tell you more precisely where I am. A booking will get me off my arse and looking pretty, an inquiry, well, I might get off my arse and make myself a cup of tea.

So, when you call me, half an hour after making your inquiry, and tell me "I'm at such a place, where do I go now?" don't be surprised when you then have to wait around for me to get myself ready to meet you  ::)

I hate it when clients say "Okay, so you're at such and such place, well I'll give you a call when I'm there".
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexxx on 31 August 2010, 08:55:48 am
I got a call on Sunday from a guy asking if I would be prepared to see him and his girlfriend. I said yes, but you need to ask your girlfriend to call me to discuss this herself.
Guess what? She didn't call.
A few hours later the same man calls again. When I answer he says: So, have you thought any more about the wrestling?
I ask what on earth he's talking about and he says his girlfriend is really turned on by wrestling with another lady. She's a tiny size 6 and wouldn't hurt you (how can she hurt me when she doesn't even exist, you freak) ....But she really gets off on wrestling with women. He can guarantee 2 x 2hour booking per month......(well that seals it, I'm that hard up I have to accept bookings from imaginary people)
I ask if they provide the jelly and paddling pool to wrestle in or should I?  ::)
He missed the sarcasm (what a surprise)
Again, I politely asked him to get his girlfriend to call me and hang up.
Can't wait for his next call. Honest  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 31 August 2010, 10:33:20 am
I got a call on Sunday from a guy asking if I would be prepared to see him and his girlfriend. I said yes, but you need to ask your girlfriend to call me to discuss this herself.
Guess what? She didn't call.
A few hours later the same man calls again. When I answer he says: So, have you thought any more about the wrestling?
I ask what on earth he's talking about and he says his girlfriend is really turned on by wrestling with another lady. She's a tiny size 6 and wouldn't hurt you (how can she hurt me when she doesn't even exist, you freak) ....But she really gets off on wrestling with women. He can guarantee 2 x 2hour booking per month......(well that seals it, I'm that hard up I have to accept bookings from imaginary people)
I ask if they provide the jelly and paddling pool to wrestle in or should I?  ::)
He missed the sarcasm (what a surprise)
Again, I politely asked him to get his girlfriend to call me and hang up.
Can't wait for his next call. Honest ;D



((sigh)) The lack of originality in his fantasy is nearly as depressing as his timewaster capability. Why not 'My girlfriend gets really turned on accompanying another lady down the inflatable slides at wet and wild water park?' Now that's a booking i really would consider turning up for ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: *amber* on 31 August 2010, 02:26:59 pm
Just had something simular. Guy calls saying that he is in town thursday and friday with the work receptionist for a dirty weekend and he is in charge of the entertainment. I shall await booking call from the girl with breath that is abated!!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 31 August 2010, 03:02:32 pm
I finally have a good text to share! ;D

"Hi princess,i have this business plan which i believe may fetch u good money of like 4000pounds.pls call me if interested.thanks"

Now if anyone else tells me they got the same thing I will be HEARTBROKEN as it is clearly a very personalised message and he obviously cares about me very much because he calls me 'princess'. Also he wants to help me fetch "of like 4000pounds"!! I definitely want him to be my future business partner and, possibly, pimp. What good fortune. Look out for me on a street corner near you ASAP!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: *amber* on 31 August 2010, 03:12:30 pm
awwww isn't he a keeper!!!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Amber Sweetpetite on 31 August 2010, 04:04:20 pm
This just in:

Hello Sexy,

  How are you doing today.. My name is Kelvin Smith, i am located in
France, i will be coming to u for my vacation on the 20th of September
2010. which i will be spending 2weeks and i will need a sexy lady to
suck my dick and hang my arms on her chest, can you bang me till i
forget my name? Are you nasty on bed? I will like to know how much you
charge per house or over night.  Can you accommodate or we should use
hotel? And do you accept check for payment ?

Kindly get back to me with the confirmation of this message if it has
been received by you.

Best Regard
Smith
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Blue on 01 September 2010, 10:34:27 am
Come on girls, own up, who does this ?

AW email

do you ever do any free days, like open days? i know a few girls do this to open up to new customers?? just wondered if you did this?? xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 01 September 2010, 10:49:07 am
Come on girls, own up, who does this ?

AW email

do you ever do any free days, like open days? i know a few girls do this to open up to new customers?? just wondered if you did this?? xxx

LOL! What, meet new clients?! What an outrageously outlandish idea. Or does he mean have a big day where you let anyone new come and fuck you for free? Like putting your full address on AW and leaving your front door wide open so all manner of gross specimens can wander right on in at their leisure? Gross!

Love the "I know a few girls do this" implying that you will be so overwhelmed with peer pressure that you'll immediately offer TWO open-for-murder days in order to compete. ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: *amber* on 01 September 2010, 12:11:33 pm
Lol open days! Was he doing his UCAS application while browsing aw!!!??
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 02 September 2010, 05:30:29 am
This gem: Gent calls for an outcall to middle of nowhere bumfuck, I give prices. I hear sharp intake of breath. Well the numpty had looked at my half hour incall rate, which is 100 pounds, and though that was the out call rate! Then instead of getting off the phone, he proceeded to say, "But I am offering you 100 pounds!" Well, I will spare you the whole conversation, but at the end of it he still couldn't understand why I wasn't willing to get up, take off my Primark monkey printed PJs, get glammed up, packed up and call a cab to drive to the hinterlands of nowhere to suck his cock for the amazing price of 100 quid!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: kissxkate on 02 September 2010, 08:37:45 am
Driving towards Hereford yesterday where I already had a 3 hour booking lined up I get a text.

man: Hi are you free
me: no sorry I've got a booking.
man: can't you see me first?
me: No
man: Can't you stop on a layby and give me a quick suck off?
me: No!
man: Have I upset you.
man: I only want a blow job!
man: I'll give you ?40!
me: No
man: What about a hand job?

At this point I stop responding.

Don't you just luv em!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 02 September 2010, 08:42:38 am
man: I'll give you ?40!

It's pleasingly ironic that they do often text you these ridiculous things just when you're getting ready to see someone genuine, polite and clean who is going to give you about ?(timewaster's offer)x10! ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: kissxkate on 02 September 2010, 08:49:46 am
I have to admit, my humour was much lighter than normal on this occassion, knowing that I had a decent booking ahead. 

I think sometimes they imagine we can't really get the rates we ask for, so assume that they are doing us a favour in offering lame amounts.  I've told that guy a million times I don't do 'quickies', I personally don't like them, it is too sterile etc.  He just doesn't understand.  I am adding him to the 'don't answer' list.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 02 September 2010, 08:54:01 am
I have to admit, my humour was much lighter than normal on this occassion, knowing that I had a decent booking ahead. 

I think sometimes they imagine we can't really get the rates we ask for, so assume that they are doing us a favour in offering lame amounts.  I've told that guy a million times I don't do 'quickies', I personally don't like them, it is too sterile etc.  He just doesn't understand.  I am adding him to the 'don't answer' list.

Good! And yes, the Don't Answer List is the safest place for these tossers, best not to answer them. Now that I've got a half-decent work phone it's easy to see how many guys text more drivel literally every day or every other day - I'm astounded at how many times they text despite no response whatsoever! "r u available" "can i fuk u today" "r u free now" blah blah blah... All from the same boring git! I actually got an Android phone and paid a few quid for a proper call- and text-blocking app (mentioned elsewhere on the forum if you fancy a search) so I can remove these annoyances from my life. ;D Definitely recommended!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Amber Sweetpetite on 02 September 2010, 09:00:38 am
I have to admit, my humour was much lighter than normal on this occassion, knowing that I had a decent booking ahead. 

I think sometimes they imagine we can't really get the rates we ask for, so assume that they are doing us a favour in offering lame amounts.  I've told that guy a million times I don't do 'quickies', I personally don't like them, it is too sterile etc.  He just doesn't understand.  I am adding him to the 'don't answer' list.

Good! And yes, the Don't Answer List is the safest place for these tossers, best not to answer them. Now that I've got a half-decent work phone it's easy to see how many guys text more drivel literally every day or every other day - I'm astounded at how many times they text despite no response whatsoever! "r u available" "can i fuk u today" "r u free now" blah blah blah... All from the same boring git! I actually got an Android phone and paid a few quid for a proper call- and text-blocking app (mentioned elsewhere on the forum if you fancy a search) so I can remove these annoyances from my life. ;D Definitely recommended!

I've recently lost all my saved numbers so back to square one answering the numpties  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 02 September 2010, 09:16:24 am
Im unable to offer incalls at the moment and im available for outcalls only so have placed a message imparting that information to my clients on my voicemail.
Switch phone on this morning, voicemail from 8pm yesterday. 'Hi Simone its Tony (who to be fair is a regular client) i was wondering if your free for an incall on Thursday at around 12noon?'

Clearly i have missed the bit i put into that voicemail that says 'I am unable to offer incalls unless you are  regular client in which case i will magic a hotel room up out of thin air asap' ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 02 September 2010, 09:26:47 am
They don't listen and they don't read!!! I asked one guy the other day, "Did you read my profile?" "Awww, no." I respond, "It isn't there for decoration, go and read it then if the questions you have haven't been answered, then call me back."
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 02 September 2010, 12:02:45 pm
This just in:

Hello Sexy,

  How are you doing today.. My name is Kelvin Smith, i am located in
France, i will be coming to u for my vacation on the 20th of September
2010. which i will be spending 2weeks and i will need a sexy lady to
suck my dick and hang my arms on her chest, can you bang me till i
forget my name? Are you nasty on bed? I will like to know how much you
charge per house or over night.  Can you accommodate or we should use
hotel? And do you accept check for payment ?

Kindly get back to me with the confirmation of this message if it has
been received by you.

Best Regard
Smith

Is that the name he sent you? Because I have exactly that with a different name, which would be pretty ridiculous of him.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Roxy101 on 02 September 2010, 04:35:15 pm
I finally have one to add to the list!

Phonecall today (Bare in mind on my profile it says in big, bold letters that I can only offer incall in Chelmsford and it mentions everywhere else I can travel to for outcalls):

Him: Hey, I was wondering if I could come to you for an hour's incall booking today at XX.
Me: Yes, that's fine. You're in luck, I'm actually on my way to Chelmsford now.
Him: Chelmsford?
Me: Yes, that's where my incall place is.
Him: But your profile says XXX.
Me: That's where I live and do outcalls to.
Him: But can't you do an incall there instead?
Me: Not unless you want to come to my parent's house and greet my dad. (says in a joking voice.)
Him: *pause*. Would that be okay?
Me: (trying to figure out if he's being serious.) No. My profile says only incalls in Chelmsford...

 ::) I don't know. Some people just amuse me.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Amber Sweetpetite on 03 September 2010, 08:06:29 am
This just in:

Hello Sexy,

  How are you doing today.. My name is Kelvin Smith, i am located in
France, i will be coming to u for my vacation on the 20th of September
2010. which i will be spending 2weeks and i will need a sexy lady to
suck my dick and hang my arms on her chest, can you bang me till i
forget my name? Are you nasty on bed? I will like to know how much you
charge per house or over night.  Can you accommodate or we should use
hotel? And do you accept check for payment ?

Kindly get back to me with the confirmation of this message if it has
been received by you.

Best Regard
Smith

Is that the name he sent you? Because I have exactly that with a different name, which would be pretty ridiculous of him.

Yeh that was the name I got.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: amy on 03 September 2010, 07:04:39 pm
Ooooh! I've got one. And I never get them, hardly.

Received via guess-where:
    
Quote
hi i have just seen your profile and i think you are a very sexy person
if you are free on monday i would like to pay you for sex
i am willing to offer ?50 for 1 hour of passion (maybe more if you are any good!)
i think you should meet me because i am a very hot sexy attractive man and i am very good at having sex (my previous partners have described me as a 'sex lord') so you can see it would be worth it.
really my dick is nice and big and i know you will love it. trust me you will probably enjoy the sex even more than me!
so if its ok with you i will book you on monday so you can have the best sex of your life and also get paid for it!
i look forward to meeting you
peter xxx

Hold me back  ;D.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: casey_kisses on 03 September 2010, 09:45:42 pm
Ooooh! I've got one. And I never get them, hardly.

Received via guess-where:
    
Quote
hi i have just seen your profile and i think you are a very sexy person
if you are free on monday i would like to pay you for sex
i am willing to offer ?50 for 1 hour of passion (maybe more if you are any good!)
i think you should meet me because i am a very hot sexy attractive man and i am very good at having sex (my previous partners have described me as a 'sex lord') so you can see it would be worth it.
really my dick is nice and big and i know you will love it. trust me you will probably enjoy the sex even more than me!
so if its ok with you i will book you on monday so you can have the best sex of your life and also get paid for it!
i look forward to meeting you
peter xxx

Hold me back  ;D.

My only response to that is:
 

;D HAHAHAHAHAHAA

Shut Up Fool!!

Again HAHAHAHHAHAA...

Ok I'm done!

xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 04 September 2010, 01:58:59 pm
Oh Amy, that email was HILARIOUS!!!!!  ;D

Spat out my tea at the laptop!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 04 September 2010, 04:49:27 pm
That has got to be the funniest thing I have heard in a long time.
hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: kiriad on 05 September 2010, 10:35:25 am
I'm in fits of giggles here at some of these stories  and I'm not even half way through reading  yet lol ;D

The weirdest potential booking enquiry I have had to date was from a very odd guy who mailed to ask if I would consider an unusual request.  I continued reading, not sure what to expect and nearly spat my coffee all over my laptop as he described his ummm kink lol.  He only wanted me to don a pair of killer heels and spend an hour walking up and down trampling on woodlice and other tiny insects whilst he took photos!  :o  Killer heels being the operative word indeed!  Just checked for the original mail but unsurprisingly his profile is no longer active  ::)  


Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: fawn27 on 07 September 2010, 03:54:03 am
Bwahahaha "sex lord" that almost made me pee myself!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: beautifulbrunette10 on 07 September 2010, 06:28:56 am
would you be free for a meet next week about For half an hour-hour

Also I would prefer if you had a strapon & were the dominant type, please specify if you have a strapon & you are dominant before our meet.

My other fetishes include, foot worship, face sitting, prostate massage, wearing used panties/socks/bra, eating own cum, drinking your saliva, eating your used chewing gum, worshiping your arse (rimming), fucking a blow up doll/ fake vagina,over the knee mild hand spanking & very light financial domination.

Also could we take photos for your profile pvt gallery & video part of our meet together while you strapon fuck me?
I would always buy them as I would do anything for my Mistress :-)

Please let me know what you think of my fetishes & ones your interested in & il do anything to cater for you Mistress.

I look forward to your reply.


Thanks, love your slave x x x


AND HE WANTS TO DO ALL OF THIS IN 30 MINS? PMSL NEEDLESS TO SAY I DECLINED HIS INVITATION.

Sam Xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 07 September 2010, 07:24:38 am
would you be free for a meet next week about For half an hour-hour

Also I would prefer if you had a strapon & were the dominant type, please specify if you have a strapon & you are dominant before our meet.

My other fetishes include, foot worship, face sitting, prostate massage, wearing used panties/socks/bra, eating own cum, drinking your saliva, eating your used chewing gum, worshiping your arse (rimming), fucking a blow up doll/ fake vagina,over the knee mild hand spanking & very light financial domination.

Also could we take photos for your profile pvt gallery & video part of our meet together while you strapon fuck me?
I would always buy them as I would do anything for my Mistress :-)

Please let me know what you think of my fetishes & ones your interested in & il do anything to cater for you Mistress.

I look forward to your reply.


Thanks, love your slave x x x


AND HE WANTS TO DO ALL OF THIS IN 30 MINS? PMSL NEEDLESS TO SAY I DECLINED HIS INVITATION.

Sam Xxx

Being the sarcastic moo I am, I would have asked, "Is there anything else you would like?"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Miss Melanie Minx on 08 September 2010, 11:48:50 pm
I received this email tonight 'hello me and my mum are going down near you soon and it is her bday she is gonna be 47 and she is single my dad left 5 years ago and she needs some fun she has never been with a woman. Before and wants to try it we are close and don't hide anything from each other I'll pay for it xxx'
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: M on 09 September 2010, 08:00:10 am
One jerk told me "I can see the dollar signs in your eyes". Charming mofo. So I suppose I'm to have sex for free to prove I'm not some gold digger - ya right friend I know that headgame well so nice try but no dice. Like all he wants is to sip sodas and play pinochle together, nothing more. If I'm a gold digger then he's a 'sex digger' methinks. Was tempted to respond -'I may be digging for gold but are you not trawling for sex, my friend?' don't bother contacting someone who is clear about paid sex if that's not what you want mister

This other individual inquired if I did anal. I told him no. He responded "why not? anal is nothing". Not only was I irked by his pushiness, but his insensitivity - ya I'm sure anal is nothing when he's NOT the one who'll be getting it up the rear. If and when I ever am amenable to getting my anal cherry popped it would only be if it's for a ridiculous figure forthcoming and not par for the course or just some extra amount.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 09 September 2010, 08:21:42 am
I received this email tonight 'hello me and my mum are going down near you soon and it is her bday she is gonna be 47 and she is single my dad left 5 years ago and she needs some fun she has never been with a woman. Before and wants to try it we are close and don't hide anything from each other I'll pay for it xxx'

Good lord! That's a new one to me. But still horrifying. Great. ;D

"I can see the dollar signs in your eyes".

"why not? anal is nothing".

These guys sound like your typical Class A Morons, Midori. :( You shouldn't have to even be reading that sort of nonsense! I know your options are limited in the US, and I could kick the people in charge there for purposefully making things shitty for hard-working people who are just trying to make a living, but anyway - are there different places you could advertise? I've been seeing a lot of discussion between US sex workers about classified ad sites vs. the expensive ad sites and it's been mixed views but interesting stuff. It all seems pretty classist and frankly, I think all the options have at least one ridiculous downside, but in practical terms, there are at least different options to try out. You probably know more about them than me so sorry if that was all moot! But it just struck me that I never receive messages like the ones you got (though I'll probably get trolled any minute now I've jinxed myself ;D) and I don't see why anyone should!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 09 September 2010, 09:42:59 am
Text on my phone this morning

'Hi, im just wondering what sort of outcalls you offer'

How many types of outcalls are there??
2 minutes later, same number

'For example do you offer car meets?'

Ahhhhhh now i see. ;D

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 09 September 2010, 05:50:57 pm
I received this email tonight 'hello me and my mum are going down near you soon and it is her bday she is gonna be 47 and she is single my dad left 5 years ago and she needs some fun she has never been with a woman. Before and wants to try it we are close and don't hide anything from each other I'll pay for it xxx'
I got the same one!  ::) AW?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dani on 09 September 2010, 06:45:24 pm
I received this email tonight 'hello me and my mum are going down near you soon and it is her bday she is gonna be 47 and she is single my dad left 5 years ago and she needs some fun she has never been with a woman. Before and wants to try it we are close and don't hide anything from each other I'll pay for it xxx'
I got the same one!  ::) AW?

SNAP.....Now I wonder why none of us jumped at the offer  :o
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Miss Melanie Minx on 09 September 2010, 10:15:29 pm
Violette & Danielle, yep it was of AW and when I was reading how close that mummy and son are I thought he was going to say that he would like to watch. X
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Amalia on 09 September 2010, 10:18:48 pm
I've got a nice one in my email inbox today....


It's my party love...well not really, but seeing as how my birthday is this week wanted to say hey and wish you were here with me so i can unwrap and play with my new and best toy...cheers sexy...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: strawberry on 09 September 2010, 10:21:00 pm
Phone call late at night "Give me your address and post code". That's it, repeat a couple of times.  ::) :'(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: jezebeldays on 10 September 2010, 11:32:58 am
I got an email yesterday asking for a two hour booking to go 'dogging' with him!. This is appauling in its self but made worse by the fact I escort in jersey a nine by five island were everyone knows eachother, and I've survived as an escort only by being careful and discrete.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 11 September 2010, 03:42:31 am
When I quoted my rate of 140 to a client I got:

"for all night"

I replied:

"if you want something cheaper better go to the downtown strip"

Obviously, he wasn't serious and called me stupid LOL. It made me laugh though.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 12 September 2010, 09:30:06 am
Got this charming email this morning:

"hello hun
i m in my early 30, professionally employed man living in london (sutton)
if u r looking for a place to live in london or simply looking to save on huge london rental and monthly bills then we can be of help to each other
u can live - in with me absolutely free in my london flat. u will have ur own space
this will be in exchange for some ocassional, safe, enjoyable fun with me
let me know if this sounds ok and we can discuss ahead
kisses"

Wow, what a deal. *sighs* Clearly hasn't picked up on the fact that I'm based in Edinburgh.

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: kimba on 13 September 2010, 03:45:16 am
Email via Vivastreet;  Hi, I'm an 18yr old guy and I'm wondering how much do you charge, if anything, for your massage services?
It was the *if anything* that got me! Did he think I just travel the length and breadth of the north west  as an act of goodwill to all men ? Or was he hoping that his status as a nubile teen would be enough of a persuasion ?!  :D
" Hold on Sonny Jim, let me just pack my bubblegum flavour lube and I'll be right with you lad!  ";D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 13 September 2010, 10:28:09 am
Email via Vivastreet;  Hi, I'm an 18yr old guy and I'm wondering how much do you charge, if anything, for your massage services?
It was the *if anything* that got me! Did he think I just travel the length and breadth of the north West as an act of goodwill to all men ? Or was he hoping that his status as a nubile teen would be enough of a persuasion ?!  :D
" Hold on Sonny Jim, let me just pack my bubblegum flavour lube and I'll be right with you lad!  ";D

Its a very personal gripe but i hate it when callers use the term 'massage service' Ive had it a few times and I'm always itching to reply 'No i don't offer a massage service, I'm an escort and i offer escort services'
I usually find if guys who have said that book me that they've said 'Massage services' as they are under the impression that paying for sex is illegal. It always amazes me how many men come to see escorts but they don't know any of the legalities. It must be a man thing, if it was the other way round and we ladies were the clients we would be coming to the booking with a up to date copy of the legislation under our arm probably ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 13 September 2010, 10:57:31 am
I usually find if guys who have said that book me that they've said 'Massage services' as they are under the impression that paying for sex is illegal. It always amazes me how many men come to see escorts but they don't know any of the legalities.

I've found this once or twice, too! I've casually mentioned something or other, and they've been like, "Oh, but all this naughty illegal stuff tee hee!" and I informed them that, as a punter, they can pretty much offer money for sex to whoever they like and the police aren't going to give a flying monkey. I hope though that they aren't really disappointed by that! Some people like to think they're doing something dramatic and daring, even if they're not. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: casey_kisses on 13 September 2010, 08:00:57 pm
Got this earlier tonight:

Hi Faith

Sorry for the late notice request, but one of my regular girls has just had to cancel on me, she had a car crash, she is ok but not able to make tonight!

She was doing an overnight at the holiday Inn Express @ chapel bar For ?400 from 8-8, can you rescue me from a lonely night?

Jase

PS your pics look lovely


Urm Sorry Jase I'm going to have to politely decline your offer, anyone else fancy an overnight ?33.30 an hour?

Idiot.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 13 September 2010, 11:20:41 pm
A conversation by SMS yesterday.

Hello anika, i met you on so long ago in brighton and you gave me your number. Are you free anytime? Would be lovely to see you again. X x

-I'm around most of next week but hate texts.-

Sorry. The speaker on my phones broke. Will be getting new one next week from brighton so i could call you when i'm there. We got on really well last time would love to just go out with you as friends. I could treat you to a night out. A lovely meal than a film? I'm flat broke and just carn't before ve rates. Would be lovely to see you again though. X

-No idea who you are so not at all tempted to give you loads of free time. Sorry.-

Ok. Its fine can understand. No harm in special rates once. :-). Let me know if you like. Like i said would be nice to see you.


Well hey, X. If you'd like to see me again and want to spend your meagre savings on dinner and a movie then that has to be worth taking a night off work for, whoever the hell you are.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 14 September 2010, 07:27:08 am
She was doing an overnight at the holiday Inn Express @ chapel bar For ?400 from 8-8, can you rescue me from a lonely night?
anyone else fancy an overnight ?33.30 an hour?

What a cheeker fucker...

Damn, the guys out there are clever. I get hagglers, but very rare is there a story attached to it LOL....But Im sure that other bitch did get into a car crash...when he told her he only had $400  :D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 14 September 2010, 07:40:25 am
Damn, the guys out there are clever. I get hagglers, but very rare is there a story attached to it LOL....But Im sure that other bitch did get into a car crash...when he told her he only had $400  :D

I feel bad but I did cackle at that. ;D It was a very cute attempt at manipulation, wasn't it, though?! Implying he's got a regular girl, therefore presumably CAN afford to spend a lot, but that he's so awesome this mysterious regular girl lets him fiddle away at her for practically-free. Sadly this is just too unlikely!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Sarita on 14 September 2010, 07:58:30 am
I received this email tonight 'hello me and my mum are going down near you soon and it is her bday she is gonna be 47 and she is single my dad left 5 years ago and she needs some fun she has never been with a woman. Before and wants to try it we are close and don't hide anything from each other I'll pay for it xxx'
I got the same one!  ::) AW?

SNAP.....Now I wonder why none of us jumped at the offer  :o
LOL! Hadn't looked at this thread for a few days - I got it too!  There are some very strange people out there..
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 14 September 2010, 08:05:36 am
I had some idiot call me last night talking about, "Im coming into town, I need to know a good area of town to stay in. I dont want to be in a place thats dirty, dingy or that has HOOKERS everywhere. Do you know any good spots that we could go to?"

Me: "Im an escort not a tour guide dumbass!"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: naughtyholly on 16 September 2010, 12:07:24 am
A text that I received today:

Hi can you do st albans, asap. Do you take credit card payments? X

i haven't even bothered to reply.

Also, has anyone else been getting texts from someone calling themselves 'Patel' offering 12,000 pounds for 4 days work. He sends me them every other day now for the past couple of weeks. It went quiet for a week or so then started again over the last week or so! My motto: if it sounds too good to be true, then it usually is!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 16 September 2010, 12:13:46 am
Also, has anyone else been getting texts from someone calling themselves 'Patel' offering 12,000 pounds for 4 days work. He sends me them every other day now for the past couple of weeks. It went quiet for a week or so then started again over the last week or so! My motto: if it sounds too good to be true, then it usually is!

Search for his name in this thread. He only offered Evie 8,000.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: casey_kisses on 16 September 2010, 12:14:35 am

Also, has anyone else been getting texts from someone calling themselves 'Patel' offering 12,000 pounds for 4 days work. He sends me them every other day now for the past couple of weeks. It went quiet for a week or so then started again over the last week or so! My motto: if it sounds too good to be true, then it usually is!

Yes he even phoned me! Needless to say I politely declined his offer

xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EveASQ on 16 September 2010, 02:37:17 pm
I've read through most of this thread and it seems that guys either a) think we're despearate for money, or b) think they're going to give us the best sex ever and we should be greatful for that! Silly boys!

I had a couple of weird messages through AW:

1. How to book...dont lose that red hair!!!

I've interpreted that in so many ways, is he telling me how to book, or is he telling me that I may go bald, or possibly there is a stray red hair on me in one of my photos?

2. today's thursday?

Well, yes.... I think he might have mixed me up with someone else there, but I can't see how as I've never sent him a message to reply to!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 17 September 2010, 02:40:01 pm
Message on AW

'Hi simone, love your photos and profile, would like to arrange a meeting if possible?'

Now all well and good, only snag being the guys AW nickname is 7 inch black cock :o Now call me picky but i don't think I'm the only lady totally put off by such horrid crude monikers? Is there any need? He could be a perfectly nice guy in real life but as soon as you read the name they've given themself you just think uurrrrggghhhhh :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: amy on 17 September 2010, 05:46:44 pm
Now all well and good, only snag being the guys AW nickname is 7 inch black cock :o Now call me picky but i don't think I'm the only lady totally put off by such horrid crude monikers? Is there any need? He could be a perfectly nice guy in real life but as soon as you read the name they've given themself you just think uurrrrggghhhhh :P

I'm exactly the same - I don't know why they do it, and I honestly don't think they realise how offputting it is. I once, against my better judgement, took a booking from a bloke calling himself 'facialspunker' (I know) and was dreading it to my core all morning, but he turned out to be a perfectly nice and civil gent who even wrote me a nice FR. He has no idea how close his email came to going straight in the bin.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: kiriad on 18 September 2010, 10:17:49 pm
Just got home after a lovely evening out meeting and having dinner with one of our lovely forumites from here   ;D Decided to check to AW mail and was greeted with the following two contenders  ::)

 
"we are a couple maybe we can meet and have fun together?we wud like to spend nice time together , we like long forplays , lot of kissing , teasing , and touching, we like to pay all 3 of us together and 2 of us and 3rd will be watching and directing, then we can take turns,....maybe we can play naughty games....and take shower together..and more....xxxx"

"Hi,

I'm after a one hour booking today in Haydock. I was wondering if you are free? I'll be messaging some other girls I am interested in, just incase you're not available If you're not, I might be able to use your services later in the week. Thanks"


Ummmm well I just can't contain myself!!  ;D

The first one is from a guy who has messaged me twice this week already and I have ignored both.  The first two messages were just as ummm eloquent and fanciful and I think that it's probably a dead cert that his other half is a figment of his imagination  ::)  lol

The second, well as it states clearly on my profile that for sameday bookings a guy needs to ring me, the idiot clearly cannot read and follow simple instructions.  I guess I should be grateful  tho that I was one of the chosen few that he deigned to contact  pmsl  :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: MissMillie on 19 September 2010, 01:00:49 am
A text I got 20 minutes ago

'yo bbz, wud luv 2 c u now, got a big ard cock waitin 4 u, wanna stick it in ur pussy n mak u cum, wil u do ?35 4 an hour'

After reading that I'm trying to remember the correct spelling for the word I'd use to describe what my actions in response to that message will be.... oh thats right IGNORE!

He's probably about 15 and drunk off cheap cider in a park, wanking into a condom.

Erugh.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 19 September 2010, 11:23:51 am
Now all well and good, only snag being the guys AW nickname is 7 inch black cock :o Now call me picky but i don't think I'm the only lady totally put off by such horrid crude monikers? Is there any need? He could be a perfectly nice guy in real life but as soon as you read the name they've given themself you just think uurrrrggghhhhh :P

I'm exactly the same - I don't know why they do it, and I honestly don't think they realise how offputting it is. I once, against my better judgement, took a booking from a bloke calling himself 'facialspunker' (I know) and was dreading it to my core all morning, but he turned out to be a perfectly nice and civil gent who even wrote me a nice FR. He has no idea how close his email came to going straight in the bin.

Ooohhh 'Facialspunker' that's a nice one ;D conjures up such lovely images of the sort of young gent you would be happy to take home to meet your mother!
Its reminds me of a guy who once rang to book on the day and said he had sent a booking request on AW (i didn't see it at the time as no internet connection in the incall place i was working) He came along, was perfectly polite and unassuming and booking was fine. When i got home i checked AW to discover that his AW nickname was 'Throbbing gristle' :o If i had known that in advance i would probably never have agreed to see him yet he was fine in person!
Suffice to say though his gristle wasn't particularly throbbing, nor very gristly either come to think of it ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Stephanies Secrets on 19 September 2010, 04:31:46 pm
There is a gentleman who wants to buk me. I don't want to be buked, it sounds rather unpleasant  :-\
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: casey_kisses on 20 September 2010, 10:02:22 am
Had this lovely little gem last night;

'Had good time wednesday would like you 2 suck me off again dont want 2 stay long just cum in your mouth would come 2 see regular if you could do it for 75 pound like time only there 4 10 mins'

I was curious to see which one of my clients this was from Wednesday so text him asking who he was.

'Lingerie Man'

Ahhh makes sence. Didn't text him back and this morning got this text;

'I texted you last night i came last wednesday in my lingerie just want 2 cum in your mouth and would come regular if you did it for 75 pound'

Does he think the more times he repeats himself that I am more likely to be swayed by his obvious charm?  ::)

xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 20 September 2010, 10:11:58 pm
Got this lovely one tonight:

Hi
Wow April you look gorgeous
I would love to see you Monday at 9.30 pm
I am slim attractive professional man, very clean looking for 1.5 hours incall for ?150 to inc owo cim and bareback sex
Cleanliness expected both ways.
Greg
xxx

Bareback for less than my normal rate! Hold me back  ;)

Also these texts this morning:
'Can u plz ans my call for bit thank u'
'I going to talk to u it is very impantant plz'
'I wana bessnes with u'

 :-\
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 21 September 2010, 12:33:42 am
Its reminds me of a guy who once rang to book on the day and said he had sent a booking request on AW (i didn't see it at the time as no internet connection in the incall place i was working) He came along, was perfectly polite and unassuming and booking was fine. When i got home i checked AW to discover that his AW nickname was 'Throbbing gristle' :o If i had known that in advance i would probably never have agreed to see him yet he was fine in person!
Suffice to say though his gristle wasn't particularly throbbing, nor very gristly either come to think of it ;D

He's not a perv, he just likes some odd music. Throbbing Gristle is a band.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sammy s on 21 September 2010, 02:14:29 pm
Text message conversation I had earlier:

man - "Are you 3 today?"

me - "if you look at my profile you will see that I am unavailable for a couple of days. Next working on Friday"

man - "cool needs to be today tho. 4pm? have ?20 on me but can get the rest for you tonight. I live close by so you can pick it up after my work"

me - "tempting but no. Thanks for the offer though, great to know there are still some gentlemen left in the world"

man - "just meet me for half hour at 4. i just want a blow job and to cum in your mouth"

me - " please stop pestering me, im busy and not working. Dont reply as I wont respond"

man - "cant believe you turning me down. ive got a 9 inch cock. missed out babes"

Does he expect me to be like "9 inch cock you say??!!! well in that case i will drop my family plans and invite you over for a 30 minute blow job for ?20."

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 21 September 2010, 05:15:29 pm

Does he expect me to be like "9 inch cock you say??!!! well in that case i will drop my family plans and invite you over for a 30 minute blow job for ?20."


Actually, yes he does.  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 22 September 2010, 09:02:37 am
Guy text me a few days ago asking my rates, services and wanting an outcall within the hour ::) (Yes of course sir, just let me drop my entire life and rush out to suck your willie posthaste)

I directed him to my website for my availability details etc. Got a text back an hour later.

'Hi again, Had a luk at yr site and don't think i will be booking u after all. 2 be honest i don't think yr really pretty enuff 2 be chargin the rates that u are'

This man has to pay ladies to sleep with him? really, I'm truly astonished :o I wonder what rates would have met his criteria? an hour for ?50 maybye? or for free? or perhaps even me paying him for the honour of allowing him to bone me?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: gia-77 on 22 September 2010, 11:45:27 am

'Hi again, Had a luk at yr site and don't think i will be booking u after all. 2 be honest i don't think yr really pretty enuff 2 be chargin the rates that u are'



How incredibly rude of him! Some people just have no tact or manners, or they maybe enjoy making other people feel like shit. All he had to do was not send you a message at all or to politely tell you that he wouldnt be able to book you as something had come up. When will they learn??!
The day that all clients are well mannered gentlemen will be the day that monkeys take over the world
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: casey_kisses on 22 September 2010, 12:09:54 pm


'Hi again, Had a luk at yr site and don't think i will be booking u after all. 2 be honest i don't think yr really pretty enuff 2 be chargin the rates that u are'


I think this is a text book woman hater- probably has some Mummy issues  ;D


Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Spangle on 22 September 2010, 07:37:19 pm
Ohh Simone, what a c@ck..too scared/poor to book an escort so gets of on trying to put them down. I'm getting similar emails/texts from a "man" at the mo, quite probably the same guy. Keep your cool honey and try to find it in your heart to feel sorry for the loser xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: casey_kisses on 23 September 2010, 08:34:31 pm
Ugh this really annoyed me. I spoke to him on the phone and he wanted a 90 minute appointment for tomorrow, I informed him that I was going to be quite busy so he should book in advance to make sure that we could arrange a time. I then get this text off him 'You need to convince me why 90 mins would be better than 60'.

Urm actually I do not need to convince him of anything, its his money, and if he can't see why spending more time with me isn't beneficial for him, he must be very silly indeed. Does he think I'm his accountant, his secretary, his mother?!  ::)

I've had 3 similar texts off him in the last 30 mins... I'm ignoring him the best I can!

Update: Just got a call off him, saying he definitely wants a 90 minute appointment for tomorrow, if he isn't a timewaster I will eat my manolo's.  ;D


xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: kimba on 24 September 2010, 12:29:24 pm
I hate that attitude. I want to retort, * ok, so you have half a minute of my time to complete your booking request. Tell me why I should accept YOU as a new client today, rather than seeing one of my lovely regulars? What do you have to offer me that is extra special?* - Trouble is, he would start to tell me in very graphic terms I fear!  :-[
I once had the following from a posh old gent;
*Now then young lady ..( I'm 41, but thanks   :) )..I have the numbers of several Escorts that I am considering booking today. Tell me 3 good reasons why I should pick YOU my dear ..*
Needless to say, he was given very short shrift and advised to call me back should he revise his attitude and booking technique  :)
Like many other girls, I have a proclaimer in my ads on on my site stating that good manners and attitude are essential in order to secure a booking..
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 27 September 2010, 04:47:46 pm
This just in:
Client: "Will you take expensive jewelry?"
Me: "If it is that expensive, go and sell it and come with the cash."
C: "Well, it is just that you are so pretty." And he hopes stupid.
I hang up.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 27 September 2010, 05:26:31 pm
I have never gotten anything like this before: I had stopped thru a small town in Colorado for 1 night and 1 morning. I was able to meet with 1 client, but this guy...was emailing me all week about meeting, but couldn't get around to picking up the phone:

Him:sorry didnt read it in time.....sorry but im gonna hafta review u as a no show since it took so long to respond

Me:Oh give me a break...you had my number, you could have called me. I'll forward all these emails to whatever site you choose to review me on in my reply if you decide to go that route. And I dont know what hafta
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 27 September 2010, 05:31:13 pm
Text message conversation I had earlier:

man - "Are you 3 today?"

me - "if you look at my profile you will see that I am unavailable for a couple of days. Next working on Friday"

man - "cool needs to be today tho. 4pm? have ?20 on me but can get the rest for you tonight. I live close by so you can pick it up after my work"

me - "tempting but no. Thanks for the offer though, great to know there are still some gentlemen left in the world"

This is the email reply you should have never sent. Remember, we really shouldn't even be answering text message bookings and lately, I've also fallen into the trap of doing so only to end up annoyed and disappointed afterwards.

Although it can be amusing and tempting to respond back something smart...remember that when a guy is texting, you're not dealing with a full deck and its going to go nowhere.



Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Violette on 29 September 2010, 12:46:33 am
This I think is a biscuit taker:
Guy want me to stop and pick him up on my way back in from an outcall, because he wants to offset his carbon footprint. He needs to realize that isn't the footprint he need to be worrying about.  ::) ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 29 September 2010, 01:15:16 am
Booking comes in through AW syste, for about 4pm for 1 hour outcall (roughly 4 hours notice)

great i thought! makes a nice change, formal booking, enough notice etc...

Im in glasgow

booking is Hereford.. well done

He comes into my free cam chat " i take it thats a no too this afternoon then??"  ::)

this thread is hilarious, nice too know its not just me lol
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: UrbaneAspects on 29 September 2010, 09:36:43 pm
People seem to like to force you to do something stupid...

It bad enough I pretty much have no gas...and I had agreed to meet some fool at a truck stop (I know, but I tried it once before and it wasn't any different than any other booking except the location).

So I get there, Im walking all around the parking lot because he was wanting to be 'discreet'. Well I told his ass he needed to either meet me at the front of the parking lot or near the diesel fill up. When I finally did find his truck, the mother fucker wouldn't even open the door and had the windows all covered over. Mind you...this is all in broad daylight in the middle of the afternoon!

I was really about to do something absolutely crazy, bust out a few windows, pull my car in front of his and start honking til he opened...but I wasn't even completely sure that was his particular truck as there were dozens of them in every corner. I couldn't tell if he was just in another truck and looking at me, or if he was in that one. And I know those stops are heavily secured and was getting more nervous than anything. But now Im fuming and plotting on turning back around and creating a hostage situation  >:(

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: lady69 on 01 October 2010, 02:11:58 pm
Client calls to make a booking for next day at 12noon he sounded nice and genuine I say super enough notice.

I therefore instruct him to call and confirm at 10 am on the day of which  he agrees .

A few hours later I guest a text which turned out to be a photo message yes you guessed it a photo of him from waste down showing clearly with his erect penis  ::) with the text "this is what you will be getting tomara"

A complete and utter timewaster needless to say he never confirmed the booking big surprise :o
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: casey_kisses on 01 October 2010, 04:20:15 pm

A few hours later I guest a text which turned out to be a photo message yes you guessed it a photo of him from waste down showing clearly with his erect penis  ::) with the text "this is what you will be getting tomara"


eeewwwwwwwwwwwww  :-X
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xw5 on 01 October 2010, 11:52:44 pm
a photo of him from waste down

I think the waste goes both directions with that one.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: strawberry on 02 October 2010, 07:04:40 am
"are you looking for a one night stand?"

Hmmmm.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: lady69 on 02 October 2010, 09:38:05 pm
I think the waste goes both directions with that one.

lol good spin

and I need to brush up on my spelling lol "waist"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sammy s on 04 October 2010, 11:49:10 am
Hi Sam,

I would love for you to be dressed in a brightly coloured business suit (flared, pleated short skirt if possible) with black stockings, suspenders, and the highest heels you can walk in. No panties of course and a freshly shaved pussy.
I would enter your premises where you would order me to strip naked. I would then show you numerous photos my wife has taken of me in humiliating situations. Some of the photos are of me with a dressed cock with pretty ribbons, bells, and girly hairbands. You are intriqued, and ask me to dress in a similiar fashion. You then attach a collor and lead and drag me around the house. I must then beg for a least five minutes on camera how much I want to drink from a doggie bowl which you have filled with your own special champagne.
You have purchased a posh cupcake form a local shop which has some special cream that I have provided. You then order me on camera to again beg for at least 5 minutes before I must eat it.
All props can be provided (except for the the cupcake). Hope the above is not too alternative. If you have a friend who wishes to watch that would add to my humiliation.
I am a smart attractive slim middle aged businessman looking for a bit of fun.
Is the above something you would consider? Hope to hear from you soon.


HAHAHAHA this has to be the most specific booking I have ever had.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Carla on 04 October 2010, 01:02:32 pm
Hi Sam,

I would love for you to be dressed in a brightly coloured business suit (flared, pleated short skirt if possible) with black stockings, suspenders, and the highest heels you can walk in. No panties of course and a freshly shaved pussy.
I would enter your premises where you would order me to strip naked. I would then show you numerous photos my wife has taken of me in humiliating situations. Some of the photos are of me with a dressed cock with pretty ribbons, bells, and girly hairbands. You are intriqued, and ask me to dress in a similiar fashion. You then attach a collor and lead and drag me around the house. I must then beg for a least five minutes on camera how much I want to drink from a doggie bowl which you have filled with your own special champagne.
You have purchased a posh cupcake form a local shop which has some special cream that I have provided. You then order me on camera to again beg for at least 5 minutes before I must eat it.
All props can be provided (except for the the cupcake). Hope the above is not too alternative. If you have a friend who wishes to watch that would add to my humiliation.
I am a smart attractive slim middle aged businessman looking for a bit of fun.
Is the above something you would consider? Hope to hear from you soon.


HAHAHAHA this has to be the most specific booking I have ever had.


Tell him that for a grand, I'll be the friend who watches  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Amalia on 04 October 2010, 10:13:51 pm

I got an other Easter today to give it a try...


would you be able to meet me tonight at work for a blow job/hand job? x i have ?30 on me right now if you can xx x
 
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 04 October 2010, 10:18:32 pm
Ok this is not something specific, but rather something I get very often....

The guys who have clearly seen my website but still ask "What are your rates?" . I don't mean the genuine guys who might say "Can you clarify the rate for one hour?" or "That will be ?xxx?" , but the ones who are actually getting you to tell them the rates in case you quote something cheaper on the phone. grrrrrrrrrr!

I had one tonight who asked rates - I told him - He said "oh I wasn't looking to pay that much"  >:(
I actually asked him "Did you know the rate but call anyway just to see if I would quote you a lower price?"  ;D i know I shouldn't but he was just soooo annoying! He actually admitted it sheepishly. bwahahahahaaha!

Least I get a laugh  ;D although it does annoy the hell out of me, especially since business is quiet just now.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 05 October 2010, 08:43:06 am
Well I suppose at least he had the decency to be 'honest' about being a tight fist ed git >:(

Email yesterday from a man who had booked to see me this Friday for 2 hours and has being emailing me long, ridiculous, vom-inducing, flowery emails. Rather as if he actually REALLY believed we would be meeting for some sensual joining of  of bodies and minds :P. Frankly he has being very irritating but thought I would tolerate it for the money.

'Hello Simone, I'm afraid I wont be able to make the meeting on Friday. My brother who lives in (la la land) has has several heart attacks (several?? lucky hes actually still alive then!!) and I am having to travel down to look after him for the week.

Well isn't that bloody convenient for him? Felt like emailing him back saying I might do a survey into the high rates of heart attacks amongst the families of punters. Seeming as though hes the 3rd person I've had use that excuse this year and all ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 05 October 2010, 09:16:33 am
Email yesterday from a man who had booked to see me this Friday for 2 hours and has being emailing me long, ridiculous, vom-inducing, flowery emails. Rather as if he actually REALLY believed we would be meeting for some sensual joining of  of bodies and minds :P. Frankly he has being very irritating but thought I would tolerate it for the money.

'Hello Simone, I'm afraid I wont be able to make the meeting on Friday. My brother who lives in (la la land) has has several heart attacks (several?? lucky hes actually still alive then!!) and I am having to travel down to look after him for the week.'

I'm pretty sure there's a precise mathematical equation that shows the more a client texts/emails/calls before his appointment (beyond the standard first call and expected confirmation call, of course) the dramatically less likely he is to show up.

Or maybe these long-winded blokes are trying to put us through our paces - if we can't keep up with them and send even more passionate, arousing and floral emails back then they won't deign to give us their business! ;D

But since I'd prefer a straightforward booking over poetry-reading and romantic eye-gazing any day, I think I'm better off giving the floral stuff a miss. Count your blessings, Simone!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: strawberry on 05 October 2010, 11:01:59 am
Once or twice when a excess-texter does come to see me I'll give them a friendly hint about this behaviour, the response is that they think it shows they are keen and genuine. Have had one or two ring and ask me why another lady has been funny with them. Oh dear.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 06 October 2010, 08:49:42 am
Once or twice when a excess-texter does come to see me I'll give them a friendly hint about this behaviour, the response is that they think it shows they are keen and genuine. Have had one or two ring and ask me why another lady has been funny with them. Oh dear.

That's just utterly hilarious that somebody would ring you and ask why another escort is ignoring them. ;D Do they think that we are all part of a nationwide prossie collective sending signals to each other in the night time like batman? I can just imagine somebody sitting at home thinking 'Sarah from west Yorkshire isn't answering my 45th email about how much I'm looking forward to kissing her from head to toe. I know what I will do, I will ring Strawberry and ask her why, she is bound to know ;D'

Oh and this little nugget from yesterday. Guy who apparently I have seen before but I don't recall at all rings me.

Him: 'Could I book a 2 hour duo with you and Amy (My duo partner) for Thursday please'
Me: Yes that should be fine.
Him: How much?
Me: For 2 hours in will be ?210 to each lady.
Him: (Voice going amazingly high pitched like a smurf being strangled in a vat of wine) Whattttt??? I thought it was ?210 for the both of you. Your webpage says ?110 per hour!!!??!!
Me: (As patiently as I could muster) 'No that's the rate for a single girl booking, for a duo you have to double the price as you are paying to see 2 girls'
Him: (In a slightly peeved voice as if Its my fault he had just been denied the chance to have 2 cute girls fawn all over him for 2 hours for impossibly low prices) 'Oh well in that case I will just have to book an hour, I cant possibly afford that much money, I have to say though I'm a little bit disappointed' :o :o

Your disappointed you cant get 2 girls for 2 hours for ?55 each an hour? Gosh my heart is bleeding, guess us escorts are just getting greedier and greedier ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Candyflossispink on 06 October 2010, 10:32:09 am
My gem

"can i see you today?"
"no, i only book appointments in advance, i have an appointment free for tomorrow at 11am"
" ok can i book in at 11am for one hour"
" of course - can i take a name and contact telephone number for you please?"
" i cant wait to lick your pussy"
" we can discuss that tomorrow"
" i want to meet you for coffee first"
" im sorry thats not possible, we can have coffee and a chat  during your appointment tomorrow if youre a little nervous"
"no, i just want to lick your pussy"

This plonker wonders why im not answering his calls this morning......
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: casey_kisses on 07 October 2010, 12:04:52 pm
This just in on aw (of course):

hiya bbe, love ur profile.are free for an incall today @1pm? how much is 30mins? would it be ok to do it without as I'm, allergic to condoms?

1st of all... I'm not even working today
2nd of all... I don't offer 30 mins
3rd of all... I don't even know where to start with the bb thing!

Request Denied.

xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: pandora on 07 October 2010, 09:39:34 pm
Today:

Hello I see from your blog that you have horses.  I would be interested in a pony session. [I hang up]

What the hell is that? And I am sure I do not wish to know!!!

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Selena on 07 October 2010, 10:57:01 pm
Today:

Hello I see from your blog that you have horses.  I would be interested in a pony session. [I hang up]

What the hell is that? And I am sure I do not wish to know!!!



 ;D a pony for him?!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: PremiumBlonde on 08 October 2010, 08:03:40 pm
I've just had an exchange of emails with someone on Adult Work :
________________________________________________________________________
Him : im staying in a hotel in folkestone and im all alone, i would love some
company and was wondering if u fancied coming down and being my company,
maybe go for a meal and a drink
________________________________________________________________________

Me : I'd love to.  I couldn't make it before 8.30pm and would need a Booking Form filled out please and we can take it from there.
________________________________________________________________________

Him : um what would u like to do???
________________________________________________________________________

Me : Depends on your hotel, and I won't be able to drink but if you wanted to do something and then have some "private time" the bars along the seafront are lovely.
________________________________________________________________________

Him : oh ok, um....are we doing a social meet or what???
________________________________________________________________________

Me : Erm, what's a social meet ? *mentally resigns him to the timewankers pile but wants to see what sort of silver-tongued approach he will use as he goes for the "free all nighter".
________________________________________________________________________

Him : come down and stay with me for the nite, go home in the morning and i will
pay petrol and drink for the evening and stay in my room and go in morning
what do u think and we could go out and see who we can both pull???
________________________________________________________________________

Me : Um, are you for real ?  You must have mistaken yourself for a close friend of mine, for whom I would drive for 40 minutes at the prospect of a night of hedonistic fun.  Besides which I have some wet paint that I'd like to watch dry.

Um, no.
________________________________________________________________________

Should I go ? ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 08 October 2010, 08:48:45 pm
Him : um what would u like to do???
________________________________________________________________________

Me : Depends on your hotel, and I won't be able to drink but if you wanted to do something and then have some "private time" the bars along the seafront are lovely.
________________________________________________________________________

Him : oh ok, um....are we doing a social meet or what???

I think his Match.com, Adultfriendfinder.com and Adultwork.com bookmarks must all be right next to each other in his list, and he's gotten himself very confused about what he's doing and who he's going to try and do it with. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: PremiumBlonde on 08 October 2010, 09:35:34 pm
Him : um what would u like to do???
________________________________________________________________________

Me : Depends on your hotel, and I won't be able to drink but if you wanted to do something and then have some "private time" the bars along the seafront are lovely.
________________________________________________________________________

Him : oh ok, um....are we doing a social meet or what???

I think his Match.com, Adultfriendfinder.com and Adultwork.com bookmarks must all be right next to each other in his list, and he's gotten himself very confused about what he's doing and who he's going to try and do it with. ;D

You are correct of course.  A quick Google of his username and he was to be found on sexintheuk.com  (No strings attached fun apparently).  He obviously thought he was on there when he mentioned a social meet.  Dammit, I let him slip through my fingers  :'(

I realised just how much I'd missed out when I read this Field Report  http://www.adultwork.com/FR?20197  (http://www.adultwork.com/FR?20197)  that he left for someone.  Oh, and of course the obligatory cock pic on his profile.  I don't like cock pics at the best of times.  Nought is the amount of cock pics I like to receive.  But it is the most horrible one I've ever seen.

What is it that makes a bloke sitting alone in his hotel room think that any woman, let alone an escort, is going to drop whatever she's doing, get ready, drive all that way to spend the night with someone they've exchanged a couple of one line emails with ... even if they are paying for the petrol !.  Especially when they usually get paid lots of money to do this.  It's taking optimism too far.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 08 October 2010, 10:22:05 pm
I realised just how much I'd missed out when I read this Field Report  http://www.adultwork.com/FR?20197  (http://www.adultwork.com/FR?20197)  that he left for someone.  Oh, and of course the obligatory cock pic on his profile.  I don't like cock pics at the best of times.  Nought is the amount of cock pics I like to receive.  But it is the most horrible one I've ever seen.

Think I'll give the pictures a mis, ha, but I have to say that FR is pretty... special. ::)

What is it that makes a bloke sitting alone in his hotel room think that any woman, let alone an escort, is going to drop whatever she's doing, get ready, drive all that way to spend the night with someone they've exchanged a couple of one line emails with ... even if they are paying for the petrol !.  Especially when they usually get paid lots of money to do this.  It's taking optimism too far.

They literally message hundreds (thousands?) of women per week (copy & paste) in hope of even a 0.5% success rate. That's why when they actually get a response they normally sound very confused and sometimes even ask you to confirm "which one u r". They probably get more responses from escorts, as they're likely completely ignored on the dating and free sex sites (unless they contact a man pretending to be a sexy lady), but of course an escort's 10,000% less likely to touch his peen unless he ponies up some proper cash so not much result either way.

So, yes, mostly they're just a confused and lonely bunch of wankers, and I mean that in the nicest way possible because at least they aren't hurting anyone and are easily ignored, albeit rather annoying when you're just not in the mood for "my penis is really important" from any man! They can get pesky on blogs/Twitter as well, so anywhere online that you accidentally reveal yourself to be female, attractive and in the possession of a working vagina, make sure you know where that block button is. ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 12 October 2010, 06:28:47 pm
This had me in stitches this morning.

"Hello Alexa!

My name is [deluded idiot] and I am [strange woman's] husband ( that's her "work" profile here as you can see ). I just discovered your profile recently + viewed your private gallery earlier just now and you look really gorgeous if I may say so.

I hope you don't mind me asking, but I was wondering if you are single and looking for a partner / something long-term?

It may sound stupid but I love your looks and you look really like my type I click with very well. My wife and I are looking since quite a while for a really smart + good looking young lady for me as I would eventuality like to live long-term in a FFM relationship.

Anyway; I am 34y, nice and fun, educated, dominant, and if you're interested then I would be delighted if you get in touch and to get the opportunity to get to know you.

Regards, [deluded idiot]"


Sounds like I'm really missing out by turning this one down to stay with my boyfriend.
I mean, a boyfriend who's already got a wife! Exactly what a woman always dreams of! Aren't you all jealous of me? ;)

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: strawberry on 12 October 2010, 06:31:35 pm
By text this morning after I sent my website address to a multiple texter.

"Yuk bye ur old"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 12 October 2010, 07:45:47 pm
Text:

"Hi are you available??? I'd like to see you asap! text back please"





sent 5:10 am...   ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 12 October 2010, 09:07:24 pm
Jem, I'm in the same area as you and I got the exact same text (although mines was at 5.07am)  ;D  ;D

Someone must have been very desperate!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Candyflossispink on 12 October 2010, 09:26:51 pm
Alexa ~ I am so jealous!!!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xw5 on 12 October 2010, 09:30:55 pm
A quick Google of his username and he was to be found on sexintheuk.com 

I still treasure the email from someone whose unique username Google turned up on a site for people wanting to be more than just friends with four-legged friends.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: kiriad on 14 October 2010, 10:46:06 am
05.10 yesterday morning my phone rings and I answer it with a croaky hello.  It was some idiot asking if I could come out to somewhere in Manchester for a quickie!!  ::) FFS!!  After receiving short shrift from me he then had the audacity to tell me that he thought that I would have been up already as "you hookers are meant to be available all the time aren't you"  Tosser!!  I had only just gotten off to sleep having been up most of the night coughing too  :( 

After trying to get back to sleep I eventually gave up and got up about 8 and logged on to AW to be greeted with a message timed at 04.38 from yet another idiot wanting to know if I could do an outcall to Llandudno Junction straight way!!  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 15 October 2010, 05:26:39 pm
Phone rings

Me: Hi

Him: Hi is this Cassie in Chester?

Me: Yes, this is Cassie in Chester, hi.

Him: I'd like to see you this afternoon.

Me: Ok, thats fine, what time?

Him: In about an hour. Where are you?

Me: Chester (thinks DUH!)

Him: Is that more than an hour from Newcastle?

Needless to say the booking didn't go ahead.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Annalisa on 15 October 2010, 06:55:10 pm
Him: Hi is this Cassie in Chester?

Me: Yes, this is Cassie in Chester, hi.
maybe he thought 'Inchester' was your last name  :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: KatieKurves on 15 October 2010, 08:00:22 pm
A quick Google of his username and he was to be found on sexintheuk.com 

I still treasure the email from someone whose unique username Google turned up on a site for people wanting to be more than just friends with four-legged friends.


 ??? ??? ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: KatieKurves on 15 October 2010, 08:01:58 pm
Him: Hi is this Cassie in Chester?

Me: Yes, this is Cassie in Chester, hi.
maybe he thought 'Inchester' was your last name  :P

 ;D ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 15 October 2010, 10:00:59 pm
Why do boys not check location first?  ::)

I get it contantly, tonight be no exception

"hi is this jem"
"yes"
"are you available now"
"sure where are you?"
"london.."

tit..im in glasgow!   ::)

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Stephanies Secrets on 15 October 2010, 10:48:35 pm
Lol! I've had this! I got him to repeat his location several times because although I knew I was hearing "Islington" - 200 miles from Leeds, I thought he must be saying "Drighlington" - a village near Leeds which I do cover! No, he hadn't checked where I was... we agreed that the extra travel costs would be prohibitive, and he would be best looking for a lady a little closer to home  :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 16 October 2010, 12:42:36 am
Him: Hi is this Cassie in Chester?

Me: Yes, this is Cassie in Chester, hi.
maybe he thought 'Inchester' was your last name  :P

 ;D ;D

Hehehe!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: amy on 16 October 2010, 10:40:04 am
I very much doubt I'm the only person who got this (again, no prizes for guessing where from):

"hi sexy

i m 32 and work as engineer

i am looking for an open inded sexy flatmate who can live in with me

i have a nice 2 BD furnished flat in london (sutton zone 5)

you will live rent free with me in exchange for being my naughty mate so that we can have naughty fun ocassionally

i will use condom protection always. also this arrangement is flexible without any strings attached but you can live as long as u want.u can continue doing outcalls also

hope you like my proposal

kisses"


Yep, I'm falling over myself to leave my huge seaview apartment and move 300 miles to bunk in with some lunatic who spends his Friday evenings spamming prostitutes on AW. And I get to be an unpaid sex slave as well? Woohoo!  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 17 October 2010, 12:21:25 am
I'm green with envy!

If you're really luck you might get to do the cooking and cleaning too.

 ;D

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 18 October 2010, 02:38:48 pm
Amy I had that one too - and I'm on the other side of the country to you  ;D

Don't think it's really "How not to Book an Escort" but I had a text today

"Don't email Kevin **** again slut"  ??? I don't recognise the name, but since I don't randomly email guys to solicit them - they have to be looking for ME, then the texter's boyfriend/whatever must have been emailing ME at some point....
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xw5 on 18 October 2010, 04:04:41 pm
"Don't email Kevin **** again slut"

"Dear slut, OK but does he know you are reading his email?"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: pandora on 19 October 2010, 07:56:08 pm
Text from a long time regular

"Hi, I knw u may say no but i hav just moved into my own house and am wondering if I coul come round quick and have a quick wank as i rly need one but have no internet or money"

Nice mix of text speak and proper spelling.  Why can't he stay in his own house and have a wank?

I guess that is another ex-regular! Ho hum.  Why do they always go bad?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: amy on 19 October 2010, 11:23:04 pm
Text from a long time regular

"Hi, I knw u may say no but i hav just moved into my own house and am wondering if I coul come round quick and have a quick wank as i rly need one but have no internet or money"

Nice mix of text speak and proper spelling.  Why can't he stay in his own house and have a wank?

I guess that is another ex-regular! Ho hum.  Why do they always go bad?

That is just completely bizarre ???
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 20 October 2010, 10:05:25 pm
"Don't email Kevin **** again slut"

"Dear slut, OK but does he know you are reading his email?"

Hahahaahahahaaha!  ;D Wish I could think of witty replies like that at the time!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 20 October 2010, 10:08:23 pm
Pandora, that is hilarious! I know what you mean about the regulars. A properly good regular seems to be a rarity. Usually after a while they think there's more to the relationship than just client/escort and then get really pissed off when you won't give them freebies  >:(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Carla on 25 October 2010, 11:20:54 pm
Got this today:

Hello
My name is Eve ,i saw your profile today at(site )and became intrested in you,i will also like to know you the more,and i want you to send an email to my email address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom i am.



HAHAHA! Didn't even bother to make up a site he/she (??) had seen me on! Just the generic  word (site). How charming. I would have replied as well if they hadn't made such a faux pas.

Not.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 25 October 2010, 11:48:35 pm
Got this today:

Hello
My name is Eve ,i saw your profile today at(site )and became intrested in you,i will also like to know you the more,and i want you to send an email to my email address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom i am.



HAHAHA! Didn't even bother to make up a site he/she (??) had seen me on! Just the generic  word (site). How charming. I would have replied as well if they hadn't made such a faux pas.

Not.


Ooh I heard from 'Eve' today as well but all i got was 'Are u avail today babe. eve' I'm very upset Carla, why doesn't he/she want my email address so they can send me their picture? Theres clearly something wrong with me :(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: anonymoussw on 25 October 2010, 11:52:00 pm
LOL

Seriously girls. This thread is a publisher's deal in the making...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: pandora on 26 October 2010, 03:47:44 pm
"Hello, my name is Anthony, I am a detective in the Met Police.  Do not worry or let this put you off.  I have seen your profile and think you look amazing.  I wondered if I could be of use to you in some way".

I replied: Hi Anthony, I am not worried as escorting is perfectly legal.  If you would like a booking please ring me to arrange.

"Sorry, you seem to have mis-understood me.  I think you are lovely and I would love to get to know you on a personal level and not as an escort, please ring me to meet up for a drink".

DREAM ON!!!

Be of use to me? Is he offering to do police checks for me?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Elixir on 31 October 2010, 08:15:07 pm
Twat - Hello, where are you? 
Me - I'm based in XXXXXXX
Tw - I want a 15 minute quickie
Me - Sorry, the minimum with me is an hour
Tw - Do you do half an hour?
Me - The minimum is an hour
TW - God, you are hard work, aren't you?
Me - Can I take your name?  *File under rude idiot*
TW - Text me if you change your mind.
Me - I didn't catch that, did you say 'lose your mind?'
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Elixir on 31 October 2010, 08:20:53 pm
By text:

Want u suck me cock fk me hard swallow me cum do it for 100
No response
Love bean sucked fk u do u swallow be there 6
Funnily, I didn't tell him my address
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 01 November 2010, 01:05:09 am
Him free chat - you available tonight at this place?

Me freechat - sure email details - address + phone number

him - here's address and number - So what will and wont you do

me - profile lists do's not listed dont do it - this is price -

him - nothing overly kinky, just fucking. and a blowjob, but you need to swallow? ( i do not offer CIM)

him again - also, meant to say. you will recognise me. i play football. please be discrete (genius i have your address and phone number already!)

me - I do not swallow and do not list this as a service

him - best leave it then

Grrrr you completey and utter "fanny" as we say in scotland lol




Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 02 November 2010, 11:10:53 pm
"Hello, my name is Anthony, I am a detective in the Met Police.  Do not worry or let this put you off.  I have seen your profile and think you look amazing.  I wondered if I could be of use to you in some way".

I replied: Hi Anthony, I am not worried as escorting is perfectly legal.  If you would like a booking please ring me to arrange.

"Sorry, you seem to have mis-understood me.  I think you are lovely and I would love to get to know you on a personal level and not as an escort, please ring me to meet up for a drink".

DREAM ON!!!

Be of use to me? Is he offering to do police checks for me?

You could have got him to wash your car or clean out your gutters, lol.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: cassie on 02 November 2010, 11:16:41 pm
Very polite sounding young man: Hi, I want to book and older woman, but many won't see me because I am only 18, is that a problem.
Me: No thats fine.
Him: So is it just fine or does it turn you on that I'm 18?
Me: I don't care about the age as long as you are clean and respectful.(sigh)
Him: Do you do phone sex.
Me: No - (hang up)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: SabrinaYork on 07 November 2010, 09:50:39 pm
hi


Would love to meet up for some fun ;-)

I'll e coming up to York this week

- *
07************
----------------------------------------------------------------
With a picture attached of a flaccid penis.

My response:

?? Oh goodie a picture of a cock which I see all the time every day with a phone number attached!
 
Whooooooho way to go me!


S x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: browncandy on 09 November 2010, 01:31:38 pm
Hello there, Is it all about the money or are you like myself and in it for the sex, if it's the later, how about popping over for a few hours of fun?? xxx

do I have idiot on my forehead or something?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Roxy101 on 14 November 2010, 10:13:02 pm
Just got this email:

Quote
Hi

would you ever consider bareback for an extra charge

Thanks
Steve

... It was a 'snort out a sharp laugh at the computer screen and click next' moment.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 15 November 2010, 08:54:25 pm
"how u doin love.. am kinda stressed out  with no sex for the past 9 months! .. coz i split up with ma ex 1 year ago . cant b fucked havin another gf yet . im lookin for a very clean an tidy girl to hav sme fun with nw and again.. let me knw wat u can offer. i sent a photo of me so u can hav an idea wat ur dealin with :P"

yuk yuk yuk. He attached a picture of what was obviously a professional male suit model (NOT him, I'm telling you it came straight out of a catalogue!)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sammy s on 17 November 2010, 11:27:15 am
Hi beautiful
really interested In meeting up today for an hour.
I must admit two things... I'm currently very low on cash due to being made redundant and I also have a coldsore.
We don't have to do oral if you want but how about I don't pay you in cash and pay you in food?
My wife works for a luxury deli and can supply you with delicious jams, cakes and stuffed olives.
Also I don't really like condoms. How do you feel about them?
Cheers
mike



Hahahhaa WTF!!!!!!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Stephanies Secrets on 17 November 2010, 11:49:41 am
supply you with delicious jams, cakes and stuffed olives.

He can keep the jams and cakes, but I would work for olives  :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 17 November 2010, 01:02:38 pm
[...]
Also I don't really like condoms. How do you feel about them?
Cheers
mike

Eurgh, something about that insipid, sneaky little question on the end (like he'd tried to outrage you so much by offering to pay you in jam that you'd miss it!) makes me especially nauseous.

Yes, Mike, like anyone's going to bother engaging in a far-reaching and insightful dialogue with you about the necessity of condoms when you just tried to buy sexual services with produce from your wife's deli.

He may refer to my wise lemur friend (http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/comment/39/2010/11/a44bf6f49ff031986cb5715a9e3faaf6/340x.jpg) for an answer. (I'm actually going to send that link to my next idiot emailer, quite excited. ;D)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: casey_kisses on 17 November 2010, 01:05:17 pm


He may refer to my wise lemur friend (http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/comment/39/2010/11/a44bf6f49ff031986cb5715a9e3faaf6/340x.jpg) for an answer. (I'm actually going to send that link to my next idiot emailer, quite excited. ;D)

Emily that is pure genius  ;) Love it!

xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 18 November 2010, 04:38:47 pm
Subject:   Complimentary massage offer
Hi April,

I am fairly new to AW and I?m contacting you because I would like to offer my massage to you. The massage is complementary. The reason why I am offering you a free massage is that I think that it is a polite idea to give you a good initial impression. The initial meeting would give you a feel for my massage and if you feel a need in the future, then you may book again. I am passionate about massage and thoroughly enjoy giving it.

I am competent in full body massage, Indian head massage and reflexology (hand & foot, which I really enjoy giving). My core offering is the full body massage (which lasts for around 2 hrs) including head, neck, lower back, upper back and shoulders, buttocks (bum), legs, hands & feet.

The massage would be tailored to suit your requirements. I can spend longer massaging the bodily areas that you need more attention on. An assisted body scrub and wash also available when finished with massage. I have a selection of massage oils and scrubs for your convenience.

Ash x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 27 November 2010, 02:26:35 pm
TEXT:

Hey internet interest you. Can visit when any free




o....k we wont be responding to that one lol
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: AmericanPie on 28 November 2010, 01:23:31 am
Twat - Hello, where are you? 
Me - I'm based in XXXXXXX
Tw - I want a 15 minute quickie
Me - Sorry, the minimum with me is an hour
Tw - Do you do half an hour?
Me - The minimum is an hour
TW - God, you are hard work, aren't you?
Me - Can I take your name?  *File under rude idiot*
TW - Text me if you change your mind.
Me - I didn't catch that, did you say 'lose your mind?'


LOL...hilrarious
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Roxy101 on 30 November 2010, 08:47:46 am
I swear they get worse.

Quote
I am a 58 year old male into domination and humiliation

I realised this when me and my mother were walking into our town centre and two young girls spat at her and called her names. I was very shocked but also very turned on by this .
I went back into the town centre the following day and gave both the girls ?25 each as they laughed and called her more names and me an idiot.

I tried to find them since but to no avail , so i was wondering if you thought the same thing about my mother and if I should pay you for it ?

I will pay double if i am made to cry.

Please show me how cruel you can be and give me motivation to come and pay you my wages weekly.

xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Alexa on 30 November 2010, 09:27:09 am
Quote
I am a 58 year old male into domination and humiliation

I realised this when me and my mother were walking into our town centre and two young girls spat at her and called her names. I was very shocked but also very turned on by this .
I went back into the town centre the following day and gave both the girls ?25 each as they laughed and called her more names and me an idiot.

I tried to find them since but to no avail , so i was wondering if you thought the same thing about my mother and if I should pay you for it ?

I will pay double if i am made to cry.

Please show me how cruel you can be and give me motivation to come and pay you my wages weekly.

xx

I had a slightly different version of this one a while back, where it was his elderly wife (now dead), and he was terminally ill himself so would I grant his last wish. Where do they come up with this stuff?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: lady69 on 30 November 2010, 12:18:25 pm
Gosh is this the longest thread of all time?

These Wankers never know when to  stop do they??

1. Email just  a few minutes ago

From: S Cheeky (yes that was his last name)

Hi Xxxxx

I had to write to say i think you are simply perfection.
I think.. you're too good for me to see you.. but i was wondering if guys were allowed to treat or spoil you with gifts somehow. You so totally deserve it.

I hope you are well and keeping warm. x

hmm shall I reply to this one??


2. Another Idiotic email

Hi,
 
I am 23 years old and i am a lawyer. Now i am specialising in public international law and because of that i will be next week in xxxx. And i want to spend a really nice time with a beautiful lady AS YOU. I also have some questions, because i do not see those informations (that are very important for me) on your site, and i hope you can answer. Do you offer french kissing? How is it with oral without condom? Mutual oral? Can we have sex in all positions? Can we do it multiple rounds? Where can i come? On body, face, in mouth? Can we have sex in shower or bath?
Thanks for answering me.
 
I am looking forward to seeing you.
Kisses

This wanker did not get a reply from me   >:(


3 Email

Hello Xxxxx,
I am just enquiring to see if you might ever like a domestic slave to visit you, I could clean your flat, kiss your feet or anything else you need me for. I am a white male non-smoker living and working in xxxx. My telephone number is (020)xxxx-xxxx or I can call you sometime. This is a totally genuine enquiry and I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Thanks,
Brian.

I am really tempted to help this one relive his slave fantasy for free  ::)


4. Phone call yesturday

Him: Hello is this xxx

Me: Yes this is Xxxxx
Him: Are you available latter today/
Me: Yes I am
Him: I was wondering if I could just drop by to say hello and see how we get on and then I will may be book to see you sometime next week
me: Buffled at this point. Sorry this is not how I work its either you book to see me or not I do not offer sampling.
Him: Yes  but I don't want to book for two hours and then find out I may not like you
Me: Sorry but I have never had any one call with such a request and never had any problems with a client turning away during a visit so I would rather you called someone else you are sure about as I wouldn't want to waste my time getting ready only for you not to stay as I feel like this is a time wasting ploy.

kept badgering still adamant and needless to say I had to dismiss him to call someone else as  as I wasn't interested in his proposal.  ::)

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 30 November 2010, 01:33:18 pm
Him: I was wondering if I could just drop by to say hello and see how we get on and then I will may be book to see you sometime next week

Ugh, this one comes in bunches of variants - I had to actually add a FAQ to my AW profile stating that no, I don't want to meet for a free "coffee and a chat", or whatever they're calling it, no matter how much of a "really nice guy" they are. Because yes, these requests just come from the seriously deluded men who think that A) we're already in our knickers, hooker makeup and stockings so it won't cost us any effort if they just 'pop by' and that B) we're always free to spend 10+ minutes with any random bloke that asks but who doesn't want to pay. As you can clearly see, that's a complete logic fail because if we gave all the fools that asked for free time what they wanted, we'd have zero minutes left in the day to actually work, eat or sleep. But they don't think about that, obviously!

They also casually ignore the fact that part of our fee is a "hazard pay" - we're single women accepting visits in private locations from strange men, after all - and so you can't come to see us for free because then we're taking that huge risk for free. They also "forget" that you can book an indie but if you honestly don't find her attractive, you can explain respectfully that you can't stay and you'll get a 90% refund and be sent merrily on your way, so there's then even less need for this creepy "free glimpse" where they find out a sex worker's address and probably attempt to get in a free grope, too. But I don't know why I'm going over it all here - being totally delusional is obviously far too important to these sorts of guys so they're unlikely to come here looking for a truthful explanation! :P

Grr! People who disrespect our professional work make me so cross!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: River on 30 November 2010, 01:47:49 pm
Phone call just now
Withheld: Tell me about yourself
River: Your phone number is withheld. Call me back without withholding it

Phone rings again
BB*: Tell me about yourself
River: I already did a while ago
BB: I don't remember
River: You want bareback sex
BB: What's that?
River: Penetration without a condom
BB: A stuttering start of a response
River: I will never see you; go away~~~~~& I hung  up


*BB>>> I log any number this way if they want bareback sex
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: lady69 on 30 November 2010, 02:40:06 pm
Grr! People who disrespect our professional work make me so cross!

hmmm me three these kind of guys are all Delusional, Just because there is sex involved and they think with their other head; means they do not acknowledge for a second that this is our source of income and therefore how we pay our expensive  bills however good we are about making them feel like kings.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Camille on 14 December 2010, 10:30:24 pm
That was that twat 'Patel' who stalked me last year, he visited my apartment past midnight whilst I was looking outside my window! went to the Police and did nothing.


A text that I received today:

Hi can you do st albans, asap. Do you take credit card payments? X

i haven't even bothered to reply.

Also, has anyone else been getting texts from someone calling themselves 'Patel' offering 12,000 pounds for 4 days work. He sends me them every other day now for the past couple of weeks. It went quiet for a week or so then started again over the last week or so! My motto: if it sounds too good to be true, then it usually is!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Amalia on 18 December 2010, 11:10:32 pm
Hi all,

 I just got this mail in my inbox, looks like an other idiot trying to get something,
HOpe you're all well, and keep yourselves warm in this weather

X
Amalia



Hi  Amalia,
 
I acquired your e-mail address from A/W, i really enjoyed reading your profile and you sound stunning!!! i live in Tongham GU10  which is 5 miles from Guildford, would love you to visit me for an hour, i am very tactile, love lots of cuddleing, caressing, french kissing and especially giving oral, for as long as you wanted me to, i,d love to taste your sweet love juice as you orgasm in my mouth!!
 
If you do decide to visit[ hope you do!!! ] on arrival, would you change in to a mini skirt, hold ups, heels  [ higher the better!!! ] with a blouse and wearing sexy matching bra & panties?
 
Hoping for a favourable reply
 
Love J***    xxxxxxxxxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: lady69 on 24 December 2010, 09:44:59 am
Text received a minute ago from someone I have seen only once a few weeks ago

Him: Hi XXXX I am gonna be in town tonight on my own just wondering if you wanted some company? x

Me: Scratching my head as his offer for free company is very enticing Err not!

My reply sorry babes not working today until January as I am going to be with family and friends  the whole time x

ha! no reply as yet hmmmmm
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 24 December 2010, 12:58:47 pm
Ooh, I've got one for this thread! The joyous combination of a bloke who A) never calls, only texts, because he's stupid and B) seems to think it's his decision how many appointments I take in one day.

Him: [Text #12 despite me NEVER replying favourably to any of them] "Hi, r u working today?"

Me: Sorry, just finished! Call tomorrow before 10am if you'd like to arrange something."

Him: "Oh no, I can't do tomoro. Cd I tempt u 2 c me today - I'll make it worth your while?:-)"

Me: By paying double?

Him: "I wish I cd, but I'll put a smile on your face...;)"

Me: Sorry, I just saw someone else who did that already! Also, since you only pester me with last-minute demands, I'd like to request that you no longer contact me at all. Thanks.

Ha, I feel like a bit of a cow now but it felt lovely at the time to finally get him to shut up! Seriously - 12 times he tried to get me to give him an appointment via text. Shy? I think not; manipulative and creepy more like!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: strawberry on 24 December 2010, 01:58:34 pm
Gosh is this the longest thread of all time?

These Wankers never know when to  stop do they??

1. Email just  a few minutes ago

From: S Cheeky (yes that was his last name)

Hi Xxxxx

I had to write to say i think you are simply perfection.
I think.. you're too good for me to see you.. but i was wondering if guys were allowed to treat or spoil you with gifts somehow. You so totally deserve it.

I hope you are well and keeping warm. x

hmm shall I reply to this one??


2. Another Idiotic email

Hi,
 
I am 23 years old and i am a lawyer. Now i am specialising in public international law and because of that i will be next week in xxxx. And i want to spend a really nice time with a beautiful lady AS YOU. I also have some questions, because i do not see those informations (that are very important for me) on your site, and i hope you can answer. Do you offer french kissing? How is it with oral without condom? Mutual oral? Can we have sex in all positions? Can we do it multiple rounds? Where can i come? On body, face, in mouth? Can we have sex in shower or bath?
Thanks for answering me.
 
I am looking forward to seeing you.
Kisses

This wanker did not get a reply from me   >:(


3 Email

Hello Xxxxx,
I am just enquiring to see if you might ever like a domestic slave to visit you, I could clean your flat, kiss your feet or anything else you need me for. I am a white male non-smoker living and working in xxxx. My telephone number is (020)xxxx-xxxx or I can call you sometime. This is a totally genuine enquiry and I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Thanks,
Brian.

I am really tempted to help this one relive his slave fantasy for free  ::)


4. Phone call yesturday

Him: Hello is this xxx

Me: Yes this is Xxxxx
Him: Are you available latter today/
Me: Yes I am
Him: I was wondering if I could just drop by to say hello and see how we get on and then I will may be book to see you sometime next week
me: Buffled at this point. Sorry this is not how I work its either you book to see me or not I do not offer sampling.
Him: Yes  but I don't want to book for two hours and then find out I may not like you
Me: Sorry but I have never had any one call with such a request and never had any problems with a client turning away during a visit so I would rather you called someone else you are sure about as I wouldn't want to waste my time getting ready only for you not to stay as I feel like this is a time wasting ploy.

kept badgering still adamant and needless to say I had to dismiss him to call someone else as  as I wasn't interested in his proposal.  ::)



I don't have a problem with any of these;

Situation 1 I'd just say of course any client is welcome to bring me gifts, 2 answer the questions but to the point(they are all things some ladies don't offer, or who charge extra for), domestic slave - I'd give a list of times and dates I'd be more than happy for him to clean my house(guess what he'll almost definitely not be able to come at those times and actually requires an appointment - which he can't pay for), number 4 I am actually considering this but under my terms since I have had a few chaps visit who I felt weren't ready to meet an escort, or with whom I just didn't get along with. I'd rather see someone who would have a positive experience, and return. By my terms however I do mean at my place of choice, with my phone on, at my convenience and with whatever clothing I may have on at the time. There would be no physical contact at all either and possibly only after I've been sent a photo of the person I'm meeting...............

I don't ignore contact instead I reply to the point, that way if the guy is genuine he has a chance and if not he doesn't get what he is hoping for.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 28 December 2010, 12:04:44 am
"Hey, I was wondering, because you channelled on me a couple of weeks ago do you think I could get any kind of discount if I tried to book you for this wednesday evening please? Xxx mike"

The only time I have ever canceled a booking was this one and it was when the weather was so bad people were trapped on scotlands biggest motorway AND on the same day as this booking the weather was so bad we cancelled a hospital appointment my husband had been waiting for!!! AND my profile clearly states I rely on public transport AND he has the nerve to ask for a discount!!!!!!

I have ignored it but my OH suggested this as a response..

"Hi mike.. Dure to the recent horrendous weather losing me so much work I am going to be increasing my prices but what I can do for you is charge you my old rates. Jem X x X"

ha ha
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lady_Lust_XXX on 28 December 2010, 12:33:20 pm
Phone call just now
Withheld: Tell me about yourself
Jodie: Your phone number is withheld. Call me back without withholding it

Phone rings again
BB*: Tell me about yourself
Jodie: I already did a while ago
BB: I don't remember
Jodie: You want bareback sex
BB: What's that?
Jodie: Penetration without a condom
BB: A stuttering start of a response
Jodie: I will never see you; go away~~~~~& I hung  up


*BB>>> I log any number this way if they want bareback sex

I'm same as you Jodie, though might not have been as polite.  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lady_Lust_XXX on 28 December 2010, 12:37:19 pm
"Hey, I was wondering, because you channelled on me a couple of weeks ago do you think I could get any kind of discount if I tried to book you for this wednesday evening please? Xxx mike"

The only time I have ever canceled a booking was this one and it was when the weather was so bad people were trapped on scotlands biggest motorway AND on the same day as this booking the weather was so bad we cancelled a hospital appointment my husband had been waiting for!!! AND my profile clearly states I rely on public transport AND he has the nerve to ask for a discount!!!!!!

I have ignored it but my OH suggested this as a response..

"Hi mike.. Dure to the recent horrendous weather losing me so much work I am going to be increasing my prices but what I can do for you is charge you my old rates. Jem X x X"

ha ha

I've had cheeky articles (another word for twats) asking me if I have discount cos its christmas/new year.

To which I reply .............. if everyone else is on holiday then I should be charging time and a half or double time like most blokes expect on hols.  Seems to get rid of them.  This is another reason I dont work at weekends - they are time for MEEEEEE !!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April Showers on 28 December 2010, 02:44:23 pm
Phone call just now
Withheld: Tell me about yourself
Jodie: Your phone number is withheld. Call me back without withholding it

Phone rings again
BB*: Tell me about yourself
Jodie: I already did a while ago
BB: I don't remember
Jodie: You want bareback sex
BB: What's that?
Jodie: Penetration without a condom
BB: A stuttering start of a response
Jodie: I will never see you; go away~~~~~& I hung  up


*BB>>> I log any number this way if they want bareback sex

I am now thinking eek  i have always put my regulars name in and bb for been before i have done this since the 90,s as i never thought of  (bareback ) any one who asks for anything stupid is under idiot or dont answer or wanker  or blocked ...............maybe i will change them all to sb seen before .
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Roxy101 on 02 January 2011, 02:29:21 am
Quote
No worries hun just looking forward to seeing your hot body in the flesh ;) One more qu and I hopt this isnt out of line, but you dont happen to know anyone who you could get me some coke from do you? I was hoping to get some for tonight, but my guy isnt around...
 
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 02 January 2011, 08:41:53 am
I got a couple of gems last night on AW - it's always quite funny checking my emails in bed in the morning. :P

Quote
Hey,

After reading your profile I must say theres no need to look any further, you seem like the ideal lady to meet...Im 30 years old clean, healthy and fun to be around...I'd like to make a booking with you...for our first meet I'd like to see you for 30 minutes for a chat some touching and kissing no sex for ?70...And if the chemistry is there then we can arrange an overnight together where I will treat you like the lady you are...

Please leave a number so I can arrange a suitable time with you...

T***

x

OMG a potential overnight! I'd better go and service him real good for ?70 if I want to get that super-loooong booking later! He's definitely not making up complete nonsense! ;D Love the additional touch of him not bothering to read my profile at all, cos my number is actually on there. I'm guessing this message was spammed to hundreds of escorts on AW, which is obviously making me sob in despair - I thought I was going to make so much cash from this guy!

The next one is a little more mysterious:

Quote
Are you Christian?

I will tell you why I am asking if we come to an agreement.

I'm sooo almost tempted to reply. But unfortunately, in these situations, the answer is only ever an unsolicited dick pic, or a message describing cunnilingus in quite an off-putting fashion, or something even worse - so we can never win. Le sigh!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 02 January 2011, 11:52:53 am
Phone rings.... 12:15am 01/01/2011

I mean seriously!  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: scottishmilf on 03 January 2011, 06:45:49 pm
aww this one put an odd sorta smile on my face..  ::)
Quote
hi hun

I would like to offer a friendship for you, friends with benefits. Im an easy going, laid back, fun, friendly and down to earth person who can put the most nervous of ladies at ease. Im a good listener, enjoy good conversation, kind, caring and very sexual person who loves the company of ladies .I like to treat a lady with respect and ensure our time together is an experience you will enjoy. I do however have a naughty side to me in the bedroom if this is what you prefer. I have been told i am very well endowed so if its a well hung guy your looking for then look no further!
Please let me know if you are interested. Hope to hear from you soon.

Cheers
Sam


love how he thinks il be nervous uno doing the job we do im OBVIOUSLY going to be nervous all the time :P so considerate ;) and you know i would just love a friendship with benefits cas i just don't get enough sex ...  ;)

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 03 January 2011, 11:11:29 pm
FUMING!!!!!! Please calm me down ladies  >:(

My profile and website  specifically states guys have to call for a booking or alternatively use the AW booking system the night before they would like a booking  as I don't get emails at work.

Predictably, I still get loads of booking requests in the morning or afternoon for same day  ::) , and I always reply politely "Sorry I missed your request as I don't get emails when at work, feel free to book another time though x"

as I did with this guy.

I got this reply from him -

"Ok well I won't leave negative feedback this time, but sorry I certainly won't be booking again"

arrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!

If you followed the bloody procedures you would (unfortunately for me probably) got a booking, since you obviously cannot read, then no need to be sorry - I'm glad I didn't have to see you you arrogant t**t
 >:( >:( ;D ;D >:(

I was thinking about actually leaving him negative feedback but the booking request was never even read or accepted so it would be 'feedback only' and he might leave me some vile stuff back. My rating is only 5 so probably can't afford the bad comment back from this idiot. However if it was higher I would do it on balance!

Thanks for letting me vent!

Phew! and breathe....
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 04 January 2011, 11:23:23 pm
Email 22:41pm "Hi my name is david and I have been working part time for the last year since I graduated from university. For the last 5 months I have been assisting in modelling for pictures. These pictures are generally for adultwork members. My most popular demand is for private gallery doing cock shots etc as I have an 8 inch penis and has been popular for private gallery. Some clients have given me a small fee while others have exchanged services. At the moment looking for new clients. Thank you. Feel free to email me x"

Email 22:57 "Any interest to yourself x"

Reply "no! I must get 4/5 emails like this a week!"

Email "Oh really. Your the first person that has said that. It's not so much taking pics it's more modelling cock pics fir your private gallery. Very genuine. X"


Of course you're genuine for a freebie hunter! All freebie hunters are genuine!! lol  ::)

**also just noticed for having such high demand on AW he only joined 20 minutes before he emailed me!!!! lol
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Claudia Reina on 05 January 2011, 12:56:44 pm
Quote
Hey,

After reading your profile I must say theres no need to look any further, you seem like the ideal lady to meet...Im 30 years old clean, healthy and fun to be around...I'd like to make a booking with you...for our first meet I'd like to see you for 30 minutes for a chat some touching and kissing no sex for ?70...And if the chemistry is there then we can arrange an overnight together where I will treat you like the lady you are...

Please leave a number so I can arrange a suitable time with you...

T***

x

I had one of these today, he wants to pay only one third >:( of my fee because he swears he will become a regular....Yeah, right...Why do they think that we are that stupid?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 05 January 2011, 09:13:29 pm
Email 22:41pm "Hi my name is david and I have been working part time for the last year since I graduated from university. For the last 5 months I have been assisting in modelling for pictures. These pictures are generally for adultwork members. My most popular demand is for private gallery doing cock shots etc as I have an 8 inch penis and has been popular for private gallery. Some clients have given me a small fee while others have exchanged services. At the moment looking for new clients. Thank you. Feel free to email me x"

Email 22:57 "Any interest to yourself x"

Reply "no! I must get 4/5 emails like this a week!"

Email "Oh really. Your the first person that has said that. It's not so much taking pics it's more modelling cock pics fir your private gallery. Very genuine. X"


Of course you're genuine for a freebie hunter! All freebie hunters are genuine!! lol  ::)

**also just noticed for having such high demand on AW he only joined 20 minutes before he emailed me!!!! lol

I got him too! He actually emailed last night and I deleted after skimming through his email, then he emailed me again tonight 2 mins after I went on DirectChat. I'M NOT FUCKING INTERESTED IN YOUR COCK BEING IN MY PICTURES!

They all think they are so original!!!  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Nanako on 06 January 2011, 03:15:03 pm
Contact in a chatroom I'm on, yesterday. I've spoken to this guy before, and though I can't remember exactly what we discussed, I certainly never told him to treat me like this :(

Names censored to protect the silly

Quote
him: You
me: me?
him: Give me your number, I tried to get you a while ago
him: Yes, you
him: and your msn
me: haii
him: I'm feeling affressive
him: *aggressive
him: hurry up, Slut
me: I'm feeling like not giving my number to someone
who's aggressive, sir
him: verbally aggressive Slut
him: domineering
him: Slut?
me: You're very scary sir
him: You don't need to be scared
me: I think you should calm down and contact me
again at a later time
him: You just need to comply
him: We've spoken before
him: I want to hire you
him: but want to talk to you first
me: we can talk just fine here sir
him: msn?
him: I want to see you
me: I have pictures on my profile
him: on cam
me: I don't do camshows sir
him: You're no use to be Slut, you;'re not a proper sub
him lost connection and left the room.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: CrazyGothChick on 06 January 2011, 07:04:26 pm
Geez Nanako. That guy sounds like a douche. Ignore him, you're better than that.

"Hi my name is Philxxx"
I know. fuck off.

"Hi louise. can i get a strap-on, bj, cum on tits, fist you and then get bareback sex."
I hope a brick falls and knocks sense into him. :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Nanako on 07 January 2011, 09:16:05 am
Geez Nanako. That guy sounds like a douche. Ignore him, you're better than that.

Thank you *hugs* ^_^
I don't mind the names at all, it's kind of my thing, but he seemed potentially violent and that's a big no.

Quote
"Hi my name is Philxxx"
I know. fuck off.

I get these too. They are annoying but I try to be polite. A well written copy-pasted form reply works wonders.
Quote
"Hi louise. can i get a strap-on, bj, cum on tits, fist you and then get bareback sex."
I hope a brick falls and knocks sense into him. :)

I bet he wouldn't last past the second stage anyway :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: CrazyGothChick on 07 January 2011, 06:08:59 pm
"there, do you do car meets ? thanks xx"
^^He did Bareback with an infamous bb escort...

Mark: Since I booked you can you tell me... What you wearing?"
Me: Your skull over my head
Mark: What's that?
Me: Google "Cubone"
Mark: I don't get it.
Me: Once I kill you for being annoying, I am going to wear your skull over my head as a warning to other punters to not being so fucking stupid and annoying.
^^I'm so cruel at times.

Client: Can you origanise a moresome with me?
Me: No, you can do that yourself and I'll take ?150 per head and it has to be done in a hotel!
^^Just no...

"Hi my name is Philxxx"
I know. fuck off.

I get these too. They are annoying but I try to be polite. A well written copy-pasted form reply works wonders.

I admire you for being so polite :) I can't be polite at times. Clients drive my patience away. A disgrace to the human race.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Claudia Reina on 07 January 2011, 07:03:32 pm
Mark: Since I booked you can you tell me... What you wearing?"
Me: Your skull over my head
Mark: What's that?
Me: Google "Cubone"
Mark: I don't get it.
Me: Once I kill you for being annoying, I am going to wear your skull over my head as a warning to other punters to not being so fucking stupid and annoying.
^^I'm so cruel at times.

LOL!!! ;D ;D
What a good answer, if it's not copyrighted, I'll try it next time ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 10 January 2011, 01:46:04 pm
I offer a social service at ?50/hour, or at a flat rate of ?50 in some circumstances. It's not a big draw, but some guys appreciate it. Of course, some other guys go blind as soon as they see "?50/hour".

I do try to help. This is what it says on my Crib Sheet (the first page after age confirmation):

Quote
Social (no sex included!)
?50/hour, or ?50 flat rate to add time for lunch/dinner to an intimate booking.

And from my rates page:

Quote
Social escorting: ?50/hour. May be negotiable for longer bookings. Social rates do not include sexual services of any kind!
Add dinner or lunch before or after any full service booking for ?50. This is not timed.
Trial dinner/lunch meet: If you want to find out how we get on before booking personal time, we can meet for a meal within Brighton & Hove for just ?50.
Trial mini meet: Free! If you're able to meet me for a quick drink at a time and place convenient for me.

So anyway, I got this on christmas afternoon:

Quote
Hi Anika,
 
I had gone through your website some time back and I need some clarifications.
 
I read about social escorting in your site where you charge 50 GBP per hour. What exact services do you offer as a part of this?
I am expecting to be in your place for 30 mins and having a GFE kind of experience (no sexual intercourse) hugging you, kissing you including french kiss, touching your private parts, kissing your lips, neck, ears and chest  etc.,
 
I cant' too much money so please clarify what do you offer as a part of social escoring at your place.
 
I hope i have reached the right mail id, if not then please apologize. I had taken the email id from the below sit:
http://www.allgirltogaparty.co.uk/contact.php
 
Regards
R***

Yup, that's how I like to socialise. ::)

My main question is, did he specify half an hour because his budget is ?25?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: NubianTemptress on 10 January 2011, 02:46:18 pm
LOOOOOOOOL..

Yep Anika, he wants to touch you up for 30 mins at 25 quid!

If I were you, I'd change the line on the website to say NO SEXUAL CONTACT of any kind.
Because he's trying to be smart, saying I'm not having services performed just contact  ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 10 January 2011, 03:17:18 pm
LOOOOOOOOL..

Yep Anika, he wants to touch you up for 30 mins at 25 quid!

If I were you, I'd change the line on the website to say NO SEXUAL CONTACT of any kind.
Because he's trying to be smart, saying I'm not having services performed just contact  ;)

Eurgh, that's even more of a scary image - wanting to pay ?25 for a woman to sit completely passive, still and silent on a sofa while he gropes her vigorously? Yuck! Wouldn't a blow-up doll be better?? I'm sure you can get one of those for even cheaper, and they definitely don't interrupt with their damn lady-demands for proper payment and mutual respect. :-X

It's mad and sad how imaginative they get trying to figure out how to get the most services for the least money by "playing" your stated rates/services, not realising that it's not a mix-n-match menu (for us indie/GFE-types) where you get rewarded with a 99p shag if you plan it right. ::) I had someone email last week with a long description of a roleplay scenario he wanted (even though I don't even OFFER roleplay as standard) involving us meeting in a public place and pretending to be strangers, getting all hot'n'heavy there (though working in public really doesn't appeal to me, eurgh!) before I "drag [him] back to [mine] and bonk [his] brains out" - all within 29 minutes, apparently, cos he only wanted to pay the half-hour incall fee. I had to explain that it would A) be an outcall, B) take at least 40 minutes and C) involve a service that I don't even offer to the general public, so the charge would be double what he was planning on! Funnily enough, no response. Poor silly.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: NubianTemptress on 10 January 2011, 04:27:04 pm
Emily, I'm rather surprised he didn't want all that in 15 mins cos he sounds like a 15 minute quickie guy to me, so he probably was pushing the boat out there. 

The last of the big spenders  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Claudia Reina on 10 January 2011, 04:49:37 pm

Eurgh, that's even more of a scary image - wanting to pay ?25 for a woman to sit completely passive, still and silent on a sofa while he gropes her vigorously? Yuck!

It's offtopic but I had a regular like this - he payed my full fee though:). He just came in, greeted me and started to kiss  and lick  and touch me everywhere and that's how we spent the whole booking! He never let me touch him, nor wanted to do anything else than this. It was very easy money but he never was in my "favourite clients" list...It was rather disgusting.

Back to  the topic :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 10 January 2011, 04:53:01 pm
If I were you, I'd change the line on the website to say NO SEXUAL CONTACT of any kind.
Because he's trying to be smart, saying I'm not having services performed just contact  ;)

I didn't think about it that way, but I don't think that's the case since he mentioned services offered in his email. I thought about making the cribsheet bit more explicit, but decided against it since that's meant to be short and sweet, and it does the job for most people. There are no words that could ever stop all of the stupid requests.

(Actually, I do have a client who likes me to lie passively while he gropes me, for my full fee. He's a nice guy I've been seeing on and off for six years though, and we're totally clear that the stuff he likes is creepy :).)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 10 January 2011, 05:57:25 pm
Come to think of it, I suppose I've known one or two one-off clients who didn't seem to require me to do anything (react, or moan orgasmically, or even make eye contact!) while they just sort of "probed" at me extensively and wanked themselves off. Never thought much about it (most likely due to being a bit squicked out; I can imagine that this "human doll" type thing might well be a fetish, since almost anything can be, but it's definitely not one of mine) til now.

I suppose it was the ?25 idea that made it truly horrifying!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 10 January 2011, 08:26:54 pm
Come to think of it, I suppose I've known one or two one-off clients who didn't seem to require me to do anything (react, or moan orgasmically, or even make eye contact!) while they just sort of "probed" at me extensively and wanked themselves off. Never thought much about it (most likely due to being a bit squicked out; I can imagine that this "human doll" type thing might well be a fetish, since almost anything can be, but it's definitely not one of mine) til now.

Ha, that sounds great, it is one of mine. If I've had any other clients who were into that I suppose I didn't notice because because being wanked at turns me on, so if they wanted me to keep quiet they'd have to ask. I have had a few where I ended up not responding and they seemed ok with that, but I put those down to very sad cases of men who never worked out how to touch another person and don't have any personal experience of aroused women.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Richard on 11 January 2011, 10:28:57 pm
Come to think of it, I suppose I've known one or two one-off clients who didn't seem to require me to do anything (react, or moan orgasmically, or even make eye contact!) while they just sort of "probed" at me extensively and wanked themselves off.

I was thinking that about a fifth of clients never wanted me to do anything except just stand/sit/lie there while they went down on me, but last night I had a flashback to someone who wanted this.

In a recreational setting with someone I trusted, I'd have been into it. With him, it was a bit too Dennis Nilsen and once was very definitely enough.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 12 January 2011, 09:36:31 am
I was thinking that about a fifth of clients never wanted me to do anything except just stand/sit/lie there while they went down on me, but last night I had a flashback to someone who wanted this.

Mhm, and it was definitely something I only experienced when I was with an agency - who do portray girls as doll-like, airbrushed, personality-devoid creatures, anyway! (And no, I don't think "Emily enjoys going to the gym and meeting older men!" counts as humanising detail. ;)) Now I market my personality so much that it must be really off-putting to guys looking for something more... silent. But I'm sure if they specified beforehand the service they were looking for, plenty of sex workers would be up for it? And since adult baby-minding is a tickable option on AW I can't see why a fetish for passivity can be so unspeakable?!

[Oh my god, I had to look up "Dennis Nilson" and almost vommed up my breakfast just scanning his Wiki page! Argh. :-X]

Bleurgh, anyway, back on-topic. I got this email the other day and felt like it was the most perfect candidate for this thread that I've ever received!

-------------------
To: Webmaster

From:
Jack
jack-the-ripper@****.co.uk

Message:
Thursday 13th January 2011
1.00pm
1 Hour Incall
-------------------

Terrifying in its brevity, too!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: CrazyGothChick on 12 January 2011, 10:32:05 am
I laughed so hard at that Jack the Ripper email. Jack the Ripper was in my dream last night and we had serious talk about an escort I used to know going through trouble. But JTR is in my dreams everynight and is prolly friendlier than a number of the guys who phone me. Yet my bf is still deeply concerned about these dreams but they are only dreams.

Had an idiot on Monday call
Him: Hi, I saw your ad on AW and want to know what gfe is.
Me: I pretend to be your gf with kissing, etc
Him: That's great. I haven't had my giro in this week, would I be able to get a discount?

I hung up.

20 Mins later.

Him trying to be funny: Hi I'm looking for romancing?
Me in a fake us accent: This Jennifer Nettles from Sugarland fame, how did ya get ma cell numbar? ... Are you calling me a prostitute? Well, ya 1 sorry lad who pays for sex. I tell you, what! Loser!
Him: Sorry I got the wrong number.

And he never called again. Haha :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 12 January 2011, 11:32:07 am
This one isn't that interesting, but I'm wondering if he's sending boring three word requests to everyone, or if he actually has some kind of thing for me.

This is by email, and when he restarted the conversation it was with an re:.

C (back in June): hi, i am c****.
i am interested in meeting u for some fun times...when can we meet?

Me: If you tell me what time period you have in mind then I can tell you if I have some time available then.

C: mid july i will be there...

Me: Why on earth didn't you say that in the first place then? Did you think if you vaguely asked about my availability I'd work out that you were talking about something three weeks in advance? Or that I'd give you a detailed schedule for the next month?

If you want to book by email rather than over the phone, you must be able to give me most of the information I need without me having to tease it out of you, or I'll just lose patience. If you don't think I'm too bossy and mean to shag now, think about whether there are any other important details you've left out.

C (yesterday): hey...can we meet?

Me: I haven't blacklisted you, if that's what you're asking. You'll have to act like a real client though, not just someone who has a disturbing number of escort emails addresses to hand.

C: i am a real client...when?

Me: I told you off for that last time. Tell me when, where, how long and how you want to meet, or this isn't happening. If you're not ok with getting across more than one thought at a time, you can use the phone.

C: when r u free? a couple hrs. depending on the rate? incall?

And I'm not bothering after that. I think I'm being a bit mean even though he's totally useless, but what tipped it is the email addresses I referred to. He also sent a generic happy holidays email to me and about 200 other escorts and agencies, and he was only about half way through the Bs! That's not suggesting anything good.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: NubianTemptress on 14 January 2011, 12:58:47 am
I've just had to set a client straight on a few things.  He's previously cammed and phone chatted with me on several occasions but has now decided to take it a step further and make a booking with me after several months of umming and ahh-ing.

He really annoyed me this evening, bothering me on my yahoo, giving me drips n drabs of information when I'm here trying to sort things out for the website.  I'm going to copy the email I sent him below.  He sent me an apology, but one more step out of line and I'll have no hesitation in cancelling the booking for tomorrow.. or should I say later on today.  He's already got my back up!

To be honest, I'll just set you straight on a few things, because you've annoyed me to the point where I'm almost ready to cancel this booking.
 
Firstly, yes I appreciate your custom, but should I somehow show you eternal gratitude because you decided to see me and not another woman in Earls Court? Not quite sure if I was 1st or 2nd choice here, but I really didn't need to know you changed your mind and decided to see me.  Let me put it this way, how would you feel if I turned and told you that I was going to see someone else but decided to see you instead?
 
Telling me about your previous WG experiences is of no interest to me.  Are you expecting me to live up to their expectations?  Because I'm simply ME and I'll do my best to ensure you have a great experience, but if you constantly need to tell me about them, then I think the best thing for you to do would be to go and see one of them.
 
I'm here on the PC trying to sort info out for my website which is under development, hence the reason I'm here.  I politely asked you to send me your requirements in an email, as I don't actually have time to receive it in "drips and drabs".
 
I have repeat clients both on cam and for escort bookings that are happy with the way in which I conduct myself, they've left field reports and feedback in testimony of this.  If that's not enough for you to feel confident, despite seeing me on cam and speaking to me numerous times, then I don't know what is but I'm not here touting for business, I don't need to.
 
You've annoyed me tonight honestly.  I won't say anymore apart from the fact that I only see respectful clients and anyone who falls outside that remit will not be seen.  As it's not my job I really don't need to be patronized, compared and made to feel as though I should be grateful for a booking.  I'd rather not have any if that's the case.

 ::)
 
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: scottishmilf on 17 January 2011, 03:58:55 pm
Quote
hiya

what is the youngest girl you will go with in a 3sum?

xx


Why bother?. I was so close to writing a fuming email back but decided it would be silly so he is getting ignored.  just wondering if everyone gets these as i get this type ALOT....
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Meg_Foster on 20 January 2011, 07:55:23 am
Booking One: Public "date" The client spends the entire evening playing with candle-wax, asking: "Soooo...watcha gonna talk 'bout next?" and asking me to sing variations of his favorite songs. Evening ends with him playing with a big branch near the spree. Seriously felt like I was babysitting a fourteen year old who didn't want to be babysat.

At the end, the fellow asks if I'm willing to see him again.

It'd been a slow two weeks, said yes.

Emailed to ask when and where he wanted to meet.

Got an email back along the lines of: I'll give you 600 euros and we can do whatever you want. Followed by a six page description of his desires, ranging from "riding a horse bareback" to "planting something" to "making someone smile"

It was like "escort-get's-punked" or something.

Turns out the guy is a middle aged heart surgeon. What the fuck?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xw5 on 20 January 2011, 08:44:50 am
Quote
hiya
what is the youngest girl you will go with in a 3sum?
xx

Why bother?. I was so close to writing a fuming email back but decided it would be silly so he is getting ignored. 

Quite right to ignore him, but...

'I have a lowest IQ I'm willing to see, and you clearly fall below it.'
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 20 January 2011, 11:36:43 am
Quote
hiya

what is the youngest girl you will go with in a 3sum?

xx

!! lol He emailed me yesterday! lol
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: River on 20 January 2011, 04:36:45 pm
Quote
hiya
what is the youngest girl you will go with in a 3sum?
xx

How young do you want to go?
Yes I can offer access to a number of young girls.
Please ring my booking number 0300 123 1212
Ask for the Child Abuse Investigation Team.
and book up with the The Serious Case Team
who investigate serious assaults against children.

I look forward to giving evidence in  court, {FOAD}
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Tsescortvikki on 20 January 2011, 09:34:57 pm
Omg Jodie, what is wrong with these people, they are sick!! I used to get that occasionally
as a phone op I get a caller wanting to chat about under age, I'd cut him off and did 1471 and reported it to
the phone line company immediately. Its sickening that these creatures exist.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 21 January 2011, 02:07:39 pm
Hi all, Haven't posted for AGES but I just had to share this gem with you all
Phonecall earlier today

Him: 'Hi, I was wondering if you would see me for an hours incall for ?80 today?'
Me: I'm sorry my rate for an hours incall is ?120
Him: Oh I know it says that on your site but I noticed that you are getting on a bit (30!!!) and I thought that probably means you don't get a lot of enquiries so you might see me for a bit less'

If only he hadn't missed that last term at finishing school eh? Life could have been so so different ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 21 January 2011, 02:14:22 pm
Hahaha Simone that's awful! Even if he'd been right (though in what universe is 30 'getting on a bit'!) an attitude like that is the worst way to get a discount :P

I got a wacky one this week. I guess I kind of ask for stuff like this, because I do say that I'm open to being asked about services not listed on my site. It's mainly for people who are into something like foot fetishes, that I'm happy to go along with but I'm not knowledgable enough to feel confident listing as a service, or who have a really specific fetish (red lingerie and blue lipstick and the man wearing women's underwear and arguing about politics... or something) that doesn't include anything too scary but that I would never think of on my own. It's not aimed at, well, this:

Hi you sead you open minded and open to new kink well i have this thing about frogs you holding them putting them down your bra and pants kissing and licking the bellys its not hurting them and i can get frogs from our pond then they go straight back after we use them think its the power over a wild animal that get me going also making out with barbie doll i can supply them too i know im stange just wondered if you do anything like that.

 :o :o :o
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 21 January 2011, 02:23:37 pm
Hahaha Simone that's awful! Even if he'd been right (though in what universe is 30 'getting on a bit'!) an attitude like that is the worst way to get a discount :P

I got a wacky one this week. I guess I kind of ask for stuff like this, because I do say that I'm open to being asked about services not listed on my site. It's mainly for people who are into something like foot fetishes, that I'm happy to go along with but I'm not knowledgable enough to feel confident listing as a service, or who have a really specific fetish (red lingerie and blue lipstick and the man wearing women's underwear and arguing about politics... or something) that doesn't include anything too scary but that I would never think of on my own. It's not aimed at, well, this:

Hi you sead you open minded and open to new kink well i have this thing about frogs you holding them putting them down your bra and pants kissing and licking the bellys its not hurting them and i can get frogs from our pond then they go straight back after we use them think its the power over a wild animal that get me going also making out with barbie doll i can supply them too i know im stange just wondered if you do anything like that.

 :o :o :o

Oh my bloody good god!!! Ah ha ha haaaaaaa. I love the way he thinks that sticking the poor frogs down your bra and pants wouldn't be animal cruelty in anyway either ;D I really wouldn't like to be one of the frogs in that guys pond, poor little things must be living a life of utter trauma! 'The power over a wild animal' bit is great as well, he must have a very low opinion of himself if he is getting a kick over harnessing the strength of a little frog!
I guess his only saving grace is that he actually admits that he is strange :o

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 21 January 2011, 08:08:51 pm
Him: Oh I know it says that on your site but I noticed that you are getting on a bit (30!!!) and I thought that probably means you don't get a lot of enquiries so you might see me for a bit less'

Round of applause for that tit! lol It's never good when even the ladies you pay pity you! lol

I actually had someone the other day text me asking if he could get a discount because he lives in my area, I didnt really see the relevance there especially when i dont charge them my travel costs lol  ???

Great phonecall tonight too.. "hi there i am a driver looking for new ladies too work for in the Manchester area!"

Dont sell yourself well mate as your sense of direction must be crap! (seeing as i love in scotland  ;D)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: scottishmilf on 23 January 2011, 11:48:06 am
Ok this one made me propper have the giggles :L
Quote
From Mr Sahidi Mahmuod
 
Dear Good Friend,
 
How are you together with your family members?I think all is well. Despite  the fact that I did not know you in person or  have i seen you before but due to the reliable revelation,I decided to share this lucrative opportunity with you, I have no other choice, so  kindly consider this message as vital, believing that sooner or later we will be multi millonaires,First and foremost, I have to introduce myself to you.
 
I am  MR.SAHIDI MAHMUOD, THE FOREIGN OPERATIONS MANAGER OF OUR BANK here in my country, BURKINA FASO WEST AFRICA. I am married with two children.I want you to assist me in other to transfer the sum of TWENTYT FIVE, FIVE Million United States Currency ($25.500,000.00) into your reliable account as the Next of Kin to our Foreign Business partner , the original owner of the fund.
 
He was a foreigner and a multi company holder who died in a plane crash with his family years ago, he deposited the fund in our bank for his business expansion in Africa unfortunately he met this sudden and untimely death and the worst  thing that happened was the wife who suppose to be the  successor of the account died alongside with him.
 
Since the deceased left no body behind to  claim the fund, as a foreigner, you are in better position for that, and no body will come for the claim after you have applied.If you are ready to assist me, set up a new bank account or forward to me any one avialable so that the process will commence.
 
I will guide you on how you should apply for the claim so that everything will be smooth and correct. After the transfer, i will resign and come over to your country for the sharing of the fund 50/50 base on the fact that it is two man business.
 
Finally, note that you are not taking any risk because there will be a legal back up as  we commence. Further information will be given to you as soon as I receive.
 
Fill this information
Your Full Names........................
Phone Number .........................
Age...........................................
Occupation................................
Country ....................................
 
Your reply.Sincerely,
MR.SAHIDI MAHMUOD.
EMAIL;sahidimahmuod1*@yahoo.com

my phone number +226 7588 6***

like really??  ;D ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xw5 on 23 January 2011, 11:57:26 am
Sadly everyone gets those.

My favourite recently was one that said, in effect, 'Hello, this is your bank. Someone is claiming to be you and is offering to pay the small fee to withdraw the millions of dollars in your account. Is it really you? Please get back to us, because we would hate to pay it out to the wrong person...'

It's a nice spin on the usual - as in yours - 'Hello, I am a corrupt banker, please pay a small fee to take money out of someone else's account...'
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: strawberry on 23 January 2011, 12:13:20 pm
Yes I get those every day.

Last night I got this;

Ruth do you do special offers for young meat, I'm 19.

I've omitted the smilies that made this enquiry more endearing.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 24 January 2011, 10:20:09 am
Yes I get those every day.

Last night I got this;

Ruth do you do special offers for young meat, I'm 19.

I've omitted the smilies that made this enquiry more endearing.

Young meat? Ryth how could possibly you refuse getting your hands on that? ;)

Got an email yesterday morning from a young man naked from the waist down displaying his frankly alarmingly huge errection at me. Email was along the lines of  'Nobody will let me book them because my cock is too big, will you be the exception?'
No sweetheart, I think nobody is letting you book them because you are emailing them pictures of your penis ;D
It might have been the same guy Ruth, fight you for him? ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: strawberry on 24 January 2011, 12:17:33 pm
My guy had already phoned and told me his cock was big, perhaps it is the same one.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 24 January 2011, 12:26:07 pm
Got an email yesterday morning from a young man naked from the waist down displaying his frankly alarmingly huge errection at me. Email was along the lines of  'Nobody will let me book them because my cock is too big, will you be the exception?'
No sweetheart, I think nobody is letting you book them because you are emailing them pictures of your penis ;D
It might have been the same guy Ruth, fight you for him? ;D

I've had the same guy send me that email!  He came into my free preview on directcam as well and was begging me to go cam2cam with him so that I could see if I'd be able to 'handle it' if he booked me as an escort. I explained that I only cam2cam in private chat - and if he was so desperate to show me he could pay ?1.50 or so. Obviously he wasn't :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: pandora on 24 January 2011, 05:34:01 pm
There is one on AW that routinely sends out emails asking if anyone can handle his huge cock as it is a curse not a blessing - can I handle it? see pic on profile.  Ignore!

If he truly has a large penis it is surely a curse as everyone I know ignores him or blocks him.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 24 January 2011, 11:35:33 pm
Got an email yesterday morning from a young man naked from the waist down displaying his frankly alarmingly huge errection at me. Email was along the lines of  'Nobody will let me book them because my cock is too big, will you be the exception?'
No sweetheart, I think nobody is letting you book them because you are emailing them pictures of your penis ;D
It might have been the same guy Ruth, fight you for him? ;D

Ha! I had a similar text conversation that went like this:

Him: Hi there, im black would see me as some girls wont?
Me: Sure i have no problem with that
Him: I have an huge dick can you handle this?

er.. that'll be why the girls dont see you..you talk about your penis! you penis! lol
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: lady69 on 25 January 2011, 09:34:23 am
Got an email yesterday morning from a young man naked from the waist down displaying his frankly alarmingly huge errection at me. Email was along the lines of  'Nobody will let me book them because my cock is too big, will you be the exception?'
No sweetheart, I think nobody is letting you book them because you are emailing them pictures of your penis ;D
It might have been the same guy Ruth, fight you for him? ;D

Sometimes I wonder what the almighty filled their brains with straw perhaps ?

An Email I got Yesterday


hiya!!! totally georgeous im into humilation and was wondering if this is a
service you provide?? like you to treat me as your puppy dog!!! then humilate me
by making me eat a bowl of dog food offer you 500 for an hour of your time
thanks x

Yeah I am very excited to get ? 500 per hour considering its about 3 times my hourly rate I will believe it when I see it.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 25 January 2011, 10:17:10 am
Got an email yesterday morning from a young man naked from the waist down displaying his frankly alarmingly huge errection at me. Email was along the lines of  'Nobody will let me book them because my cock is too big, will you be the exception?'
No sweetheart, I think nobody is letting you book them because you are emailing them pictures of your penis ;D
It might have been the same guy Ruth, fight you for him? ;D

Sometimes I wonder what the almighty filled their brains with straw perhaps ?

An Email I got Yesterday


hiya!!! totally georgeous im into humilation and was wondering if this is a
service you provide?? like you to treat me as your puppy dog!!! then humilate me
by making me eat a bowl of dog food offer you 500 for an hour of your time
thanks x

Yeah I am very excited to get ? 500 per hour considering its about 3 times my hourly rate I will believe it when I see it.

Ha ha, theres nothing quite like the 'I was wondering if this is a service you provide?' email is there? I always want to reply, 'Is it on my website ANYWHERE that I provide this service? No it isin't and theres a reason for that, see if you can guess what it is? ;D'
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 25 January 2011, 11:50:28 am
Not to sound completely dour but I do find that aspect of this job completely wearing, infuriating and depressing. Why do so many men prefer to try to persuade a sex worker into doing a service she doesn't normally do? Why offer ?500 for humiliation from an escort that doesn't offer it, when you could pay ?150 or less to an escort who's happy to do it and does it all the time?! There's got to be something that particularly turns them on about being so pushy, manipulative and weird. It's not a good side of people to be dealing with, if you ask me, and I won't miss it when I'm out of the biz!

...And to balance out this morbid post, I will just mention that there are lots of good sides of people (like the tipping sides! And the "Thank you for a brilliant hour, I wrote you a positive but non-explicit review to show my appreciation" sides!) and it's nice when you get to deal with them. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: strawberry on 25 January 2011, 12:08:27 pm
Some prat texted me offering me ?1000 for a service I don't provide(A). How silly and as if he would turn up with that much in cash!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 25 January 2011, 12:44:25 pm
Not to sound completely dour but I do find that aspect of this job completely wearing, infuriating and depressing. Why do so many men prefer to try to persuade a sex worker into doing a service she doesn't normally do? Why offer ?500 for humiliation from an escort that doesn't offer it, when you could pay ?150 or less to an escort who's happy to do it and does it all the time?!

It is really frustrating! I sometimes try to explain to them that if I agree to it, I will not know what I'm doing, will be embarassed, will be really really AWFUL at it and they'll have thrown their money away on a bad experience that will be awkward for both of us. And most of them still keep asking me to 'just try it'. Some of them are probably timewasters but I had one yesterday who was willing to spend money, at least on directcam, asking me repetedly to dominate him - I don't know how and he was paying ?1.50 a minute to whine at me and beg me to suddenly get a personality transplant I guess?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: lady69 on 25 January 2011, 01:17:43 pm
I won't miss it when I'm out of the biz!

me three!  ;-)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dani on 25 January 2011, 06:42:44 pm
I wonder if anyone will take this one up on his offer.


honey

i have a proposal: will you live-in with me in my 2 bedroom flat in london sutton?

i am asian, 32 years, nice built and professionally well settled

by nature i am soft spoken, easy going

you will live-in for free in exchange for ocassional intimacy with me. it will be discreet and safe with no strings attached. you can do outcalls but not incalls

please get in touch if this sounds ok

kisses
loverboy


I do think he should maybe look closer to home though seeing as I am in Derbyshire and he is in London
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 25 January 2011, 06:59:21 pm
I do think he should maybe look closer to home though seeing as I am in Derbyshire and he is in London

Oh, I'm sure he has. He's come up in this thread before, and I didn't mention that he'd got around to me too.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 25 January 2011, 10:25:26 pm
A great text I receieved today and swiftly ignored

"Hey Internet loved like you, Can visit ! Today or 5 pm See where life "

o...k  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Nanako on 27 January 2011, 12:12:12 pm
I had a client today who booked a few days ago.

He turned up, came in, then about 20 seconds later complained that he'd left his wallet in the car and ran out to get it. I made sure he didn't steal anything on the way out, which was smart because he never came back :(

He texted later that he'd lost it and had to cancel, but doesn't seem to be replying to an offer to reschedule
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: ilovedots on 27 January 2011, 07:06:45 pm
A text message I received 10 min ago...

'I got caught by my gf looking at ur profile today, she left the house upset. As a result of this i want to see u for 1hr today! Hope u wont say no.x'

Oh dear...
 ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 27 January 2011, 11:37:27 pm
So much wrong for such a short email, starting with the fact that it was sent at 23:11.

Quote
Hi I am a genuine guy 30 years old staying in Brighton jurys inn near the train station. Can I be cheeky and ask if you could meet tonight for?60  , as that's what I have on me?

I am very genuine and doctor by profession so hope you can give me a chance.

Update: couldn't resist responding. Told him he's a very silly man. He said,

Quote
Sorry, but why do u think I am silly? I am confused, I am very genuine and genuine.

Hee! I'm imagining him as a cute cartoon drunk punter going *hic*.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lolo on 28 January 2011, 01:06:31 am
Hi, I am gym, am forty five , good-looking, toned and tanned body, love the kinkier side of life.
I love your profile and pics..all very horny.
I would suggest that I would like to meet for a couple of hours, because I like long and protracted foreplay.
I would like to meet maybe at a bar and chat, then if this is excites you, for you to be desperate to pee and let it trickle down your thigh and you would see my jeans darken as I can't hold back.
I would have to lick it off your thighs and legs.
You would position yourself so you could spray over me and watch me swallow.
In the room I would slowly peel your clothes off and pour warm oil allover you , deeply massaging your body , in every corner . I would ask you to get on all fours with your georgeous arse in the air and place my Tongue between your buttock cheeks. Licking you and slowly letting my tongue flick over your anus and slowly easing my Tongue in and rimming you deeply , placing my Tongue on your clit until you climax .
I would so like to do this to you ..please let me know if some , all or something you want as well.
You won't be disappointed...with me
Gym x


 
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 28 January 2011, 01:13:00 am
OMG, and the pee licking and spraying all happens before you get to the room!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 28 January 2011, 03:04:17 am
and place my Tongue... easing my Tongue...  placing my Tongue

Haha why does he talk about his tongue like that?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: casey_kisses on 28 January 2011, 09:00:49 am
and place my Tongue... easing my Tongue...  placing my Tongue

Haha why does he talk about his tongue like that?

It sounds like he's trying to exercise his tongue!

xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: River on 29 January 2011, 10:18:29 am
23:00  Steven from Watford is a no show.
No response to my phone call or "are you still visiting me" text.
Pa!
I shrug & go to bed. I had a gut feeling he was a timewaster.
I woke this morning to find this text:
Sent: 00:30
Hiya sorry 4 nt replying earlier.
is there any way u cud pick me
up and drop me off? ill pay
extra

Hum, that'll be the Watford taxi company you want.... ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lady_Lust_XXX on 29 January 2011, 09:33:46 pm
The cheek and brass neck of some of them really astound me Jodie - I'm sure you're the same.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Richard on 30 January 2011, 10:26:03 am
Haha why does he talk about his tongue like that?

Because his penis won't become his Penis?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: NubianTemptress on 30 January 2011, 11:32:09 am
Phonecall at 1am from a client who has previously booked  and seen me twice.
Can he have an outcall for 1 hour?
Fully aware that last hourly booking for outcalls taken at 9pm.

Silly me.. shouldn't have answered the phone, usually don't after 11pm.  Will stick to my guns next time  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 01 February 2011, 08:26:56 am
Not strictly 'How not to book' as he already had but a client yesterday came into my incall flat, noticed that the person I rent off has two cats (which stay in living room at all times) and went 'Oh you should have mentioned on the phone when I booked that you have cats, I'm allergic'

Very sorry he was allergic (which I don't believe frankly as he never so much as sneezed once in the hour) but does he really think I'm going to tell everyone who books that theres a cat in the apartment? What next, posting them a survey before the booking to check that they don't have a peanut or shellfish allergy or any lactose intolerance? ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 01 February 2011, 09:38:36 am
Um, actually I would mention it. Pet allergies are common and would spoil things for a moderate sufferer, but they're probably not going to think of it when booking a shag. Also if they're warned they can take antihistamines if they want. (Lactose intolerance is common too, but they have the option of saying "no milk please" if you offer them a cuppa.)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dani on 01 February 2011, 10:28:29 am
Not strictly 'How not to book' as he already had but a client yesterday came into my incall flat, noticed that the person I rent off has two cats (which stay in living room at all times) and went 'Oh you should have mentioned on the phone when I booked that you have cats, I'm allergic'

Very sorry he was allergic (which I don't believe frankly as he never so much as sneezed once in the hour) but does he really think I'm going to tell everyone who books that theres a cat in the apartment? What next, posting them a survey before the booking to check that they don't have a peanut or shellfish allergy or any lactose intolerance? ;D

Definately mention it, Put it on your aw add/website. As a cat allergy sufferer I would want to know.
As for the effects you probably would not see any during the booking as mine normally take up to 24 hours before my eyes puff up my nose blocks and my chest becomes too tight to breathe and thats not counting those lovely big red blisters I come out with.

When I worked from my home I had it on all my sites that I had dogs just so that a client could make an informed decision
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 03 February 2011, 04:29:04 pm
would u get involved in a 3 way webcam session between, me you and another AW girl. I want to both to compare boobs/bodies to see whos the best??? Thanks

add me on _______@yahoo.co.uk to discuss


My reply was "Thanks, but a cattle market where my body is nitpicked by a man I don't know is not my idea of fun."

Ugh, would ANYONE ever agree to this?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 03 February 2011, 05:24:28 pm
Oh, he's replied to reassure me that the GIRLS nitpick eachother. Well of course that makes it so much more enjoyable  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 03 February 2011, 05:55:57 pm
I had a phone booking a bit like that once. He wanted two girls pretending to bitch and fight over him. I did it the once, but it was too much effort and I guess the other girl was too enthusiastic or something, because it went over the five minutes he'd booked. I didn't give a toss about what the girl was saying though, just having to come up with nonsense like that myself.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 03 February 2011, 06:18:55 pm
Jesus, you're more patient than me! It sounds way more hassle than it'd be worth.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 03 February 2011, 06:49:10 pm
It was! I didn't do it again.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 03 February 2011, 07:32:51 pm
Heh I'd have probably had an unprofessional moment and hung up :p You're still way more patient than me.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 03 February 2011, 10:18:50 pm
Once I realised she wasn't going to wrap it up I should have ended it with "fine! You're perfect for each other!"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 04 February 2011, 08:21:01 am
Text last night from someone I have never met before (and incidentally it is plastered all over my advertising that I don't take bookings by text from new clients :P)

'Outcall, Cramlington, 1 hour, How much?'

Now theres a man who really needs to try and be more concise in what he is saying ;D Can you imagine an actual booking with him

'You, in bedroom, clothes off, suck willy'

((shudder))
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: strawberry on 04 February 2011, 10:59:10 pm
I got one of those texts today when I turned my phone on asking me if I was available "tonight". When I replied, but with an unincriminating text the owner acted confused. I can't be bothered getting involved with "Who's this, what do you mean?" texts. ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 05 February 2011, 12:22:20 am
Had a guy I've seen before and had HUGE problems with call me tonight me and say..."Got 80 quid sitting here, I thought shall I buy a pizza or lick Coty's pussy...you won, so get your juicy pussy round mine now"
I replied, " Enjoy the stuffed crust double pepperoni" and hung up.
I'm totally skint, but as someone said on another thread...would rather live off baked beans for a week!

Coty x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: NubianTemptress on 05 February 2011, 03:35:12 am
You ladies make me laugh, you actually reply?
I don't get them often but when the odd text arrives I just delete it.
R u free, can i c u 2nite, suck my balls in 10 min for ?12.50.. yadda yadda..

NO RESPONSE! They already know sms will be ignored, if they didn't they get the message by receiving no message LOL.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 05 February 2011, 01:11:48 pm
Just got this on AW!


this is a strage request but im 23 and live at home with my mum she is fed up of the way i act and thinks i should be spanked to make me a better person but she dont want to do it and wants me to find somebody who will spank me with a slipper and hairbrush infront of her for 1 hour she as never seen me naked so im very nervous how much would this cost ? x


Hmmm, yeah right, I'm really going to reply to you, dick head!

Coty x

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Claudia Reina on 10 February 2011, 09:30:32 am
I do couple-bookings with my other half and we got a weird call last night.
The guy asked us if we could dress him up like a girl and then pretend we're his parents and he is our little daughter and force him to have sex with both of us... :-X :-X :-X 

Just when I thought I saw everything...
Well, serves us right for answering the phone at silly o'clock...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 10 February 2011, 03:09:59 pm
I do couple-bookings with my other half and we got a weird call last night.
The guy asked us if we could dress him up like a girl and then pretend we're his parents and he is our little daughter and force him to have sex with both of us... Lips sealed Lips sealed Lips sealed

Just when I thought I saw everything...
Well, serves us right for answering the phone at silly o'clock...


LMAO.......It's a mad mad mad world out there! And we sometimes walk into these situations willingly...we're as mad as they are!!!
I had a regular ages ago who would act like a baby and breast feed. He stopped seeing me when his GAY partner read his emails and found out what he'd been doing with me! ha ha ha:-))

Coty x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 10 February 2011, 08:29:11 pm
I replied, " Enjoy the stuffed crust double pepperoni" and hung up.

That is actually hilarous!! lol

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: pandora on 10 February 2011, 11:41:10 pm
Just got this on AW!


this is a strage request but im 23 and live at home with my mum she is fed up of the way i act and thinks i should be spanked to make me a better person but she dont want to do it and wants me to find somebody who will spank me with a slipper and hairbrush infront of her for 1 hour she as never seen me naked so im very nervous how much would this cost ? x


Hmmm, yeah right, I'm really going to reply to you, dick head!

Coty x



I had this one today also.  Must be doing the rounds - sniggering into his hands, pumping his willy - trying to shock the prossies! Block.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Pennymoney on 11 February 2011, 04:23:50 pm
I do couple-bookings with my other half and we got a weird call last night.
The guy asked us if we could dress him up like a girl and then pretend we're his parents and he is our little daughter and force him to have sex with both of us... Lips sealed Lips sealed Lips sealed

Just when I thought I saw everything...
Well, serves us right for answering the phone at silly o'clock...


LMAO.......It's a mad mad mad world out there! And we sometimes walk into these situations willingly...we're as mad as they are!!!
I had a regular ages ago who would act like a baby and breast feed. He stopped seeing me when his GAY partner read his emails and found out what he'd been doing with me! ha ha ha:-))

Coty x

I have a gay regular who sees me twice a month for a fisting session. He said he's never met a guy who can do it as well as I can.  I'd never fisted anyone until this client  :)

The only memorable shite booking I had was a bloke who said "Come to my office now and trample me on my bosses desk and I'll give you forty quid." Needless to say, I didn't go.

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 12 February 2011, 04:38:06 am

[/quote]

I have a gay regular who sees me twice a month for a fisting session. He said he's never met a guy who can do it as well as I can.  I'd never fisted anyone until this client  :)
[/quote]

Wow, you're brave....I can't even bear to put my finger in there! lmao.....I'm useless at prostate massage!! You'll have to give me some lessons!

Coty xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 13 February 2011, 03:13:33 pm
Okay I have a winner here!

Guy just phoned looking for a mistress booking. For these I always ask the contact me in writing with details of what they are looking for (I always avoid any possible sexual chat on the phone)

His reasons why he couldnt do this....he cant read!!!!!!

Well done lol
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Claudia Reina on 14 February 2011, 10:52:48 am

His reasons why he couldnt do this....he cant read!!!!!!

Well done lol
OMG!!!  This must be the worst excuse I've ever heard!!! :o :o
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 14 February 2011, 11:09:10 am

His reasons why he couldn't do this....he cant read!!!!!!

Well done lol
OMG!!!  This must be the worst excuse I've ever heard!!! :o :o

How about this one?
Text yesterday asking about a booking on Thursday, I don't normally answer texts but this was a very polite one, therefore I quickly answered him saying 'Please ring me for an appointment as I don't take bookings via text'.
He text back 'OK, I will ring on Tuesday, I won't be able to top up my credit until then'
Clearly he has the only PAYG mobile in history that allows you to send text messages when you have no credit on your phone ;D

Unless there are ones that let you do that now? ??? I'm fairly sure not
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: NubianTemptress on 14 February 2011, 11:21:56 am
He probably had enough credit on the phone for 2-3 text msgs but not enough for a 3-5 min call.
Either way he's broke beyond a joke  :D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 14 February 2011, 11:48:51 am
Either way he's broke beyond a joke  :D

yeah its possible he had free texts and no call credit.. if this was a normal world and all guys genuine id be more sympathetic.. lol

but the thing that always gets me when guys make comments about no credit is: you're phoneing to book a mininum ?100 appointment yet you cant stick ?5 on your mobile!??!?  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 14 February 2011, 12:09:32 pm
I didn't know you could send texts on PAYG when you have no credit for a call, all the ones I have had have stopped you doing both when your out of credit. I'm clearly on the wrong price plan :D

But yes the 'I can't afford a phonecall but I've got a ?100+ in my pocket for an appointment' line always tickles me. You really need to prioritise better if you consider spending money on a WG is more vital than having a working means of communication ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dani on 14 February 2011, 12:12:27 pm
How about this one?
Text yesterday asking about a booking on Thursday, I don't normally answer texts but this was a very polite one, therefore I quickly answered him saying 'Please ring me for an appointment as I don't take bookings via text'.
He text back 'OK, I will ring on Tuesday, I won't be able to top up my credit until then'
Clearly he has the only PAYG mobile in history that allows you to send text messages when you have no credit on your phone ;D

Unless there are ones that let you do that now? ??? I'm fairly sure not

orange give you 300 free texts when you top up by ?10. So once your credit is gone you can still text with your free text messages
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 15 February 2011, 01:10:27 am
Clearly he has the only PAYG mobile in history that allows you to send text messages when you have no credit on your phone ;D

Unless there are ones that let you do that now? ??? I'm fairly sure not

Mine does!

I've got a deal on mine where if I top up ?10 I get unlimited free texts the next month, I try to remember to do that every month so I always have free texts. It's totally possible that all my credit can run out early in the month if I need to make a lot of calls, but I still have the unlimited texts.

EDIT: Didn't realise we'd gone onto another page :P I see other people have said similar stuff now. Agreed though he should really have topped up first :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: KatieKurves on 15 February 2011, 05:28:55 pm
I want my cock in your mouth, shoot me load down your throat, fuck your arse & pussy bareback. Is ?500 enough.  :o ::)

I did actually get this text. So obviously I said "Oh yeah baby when can I cum round?"  ;D ;D

xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 15 February 2011, 06:00:08 pm
I want my cock in your mouth, shoot me load down your throat, fuck your arse & pussy bareback. Is ?500 enough.  :o ::)

I did actually get this text. So obviously I said "Oh yeah baby when can I cum round?"  ;D ;D

xx

OMG....what planet are these guys from? URGH!

I've had an idiot texting constantly for 2 days yet I've not replied once and they are getting more and more crazy! Started off with...'When are you gonna come eat me?"  (Hmm...who are you?)
Then 'I have a 13 inch black dick I want to pound in every orifice.' (Woo hoo I'm on my way! NOT!) Then he wants to fill me with his seed in every orifice (God that's one of my pet hates...fill you with my seed! URGHHHHH) and today.....can I film you for ?500! LMAO  I haven't replied to any so he can carry on wasting his texts....IDIOT!
Sometimes I can laugh at the stupidity but sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out!!!

Coty xxx

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: KatieKurves on 15 February 2011, 06:13:51 pm
I feel like punching their faces in. But better not they're only blokes after all!!!  ;D

xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 16 February 2011, 03:17:21 pm
I feel like punching their faces in. But better not they're only blokes after all!!!  ;D

xx

LMAO.......Agreed!

Coty xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: NubianTemptress on 16 February 2011, 03:54:21 pm
received this email at 6am in the morning:

dont know if you can help us but im a 41 year old white man with a 34 year old black girl with the biggest ass you have ever seen she is not gay but she keeps on going on about watching me fuck another woman.im only in to black woman and wonder if you wood partisipate in this with us ..wood be a good night x x

Two actions followed after reading the above. BLOCK SENDER ---->>> DELETE  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: pandora on 17 February 2011, 10:08:46 am
By text - "Hello Pandora, you look amazing"

Thanks - ring for appointment

"I am too far away from you for a visit"

In my head -loser!

"I think you look fantastic in your pictures.  I have the horn big time!

10mins later "Loads.  Thank you"

20 mins later "I am going to shoot again"

hour later "OMG you are so fabulous"

Seems I even provide a free service in cyber land.

Weirdo.

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Roxy101 on 17 February 2011, 10:52:21 am

How about this one?
Text yesterday asking about a booking on Thursday, I don't normally answer texts but this was a very polite one, therefore I quickly answered him saying 'Please ring me for an appointment as I don't take bookings via text'.
He text back 'OK, I will ring on Tuesday, I won't be able to top up my credit until then'
Clearly he has the only PAYG mobile in history that allows you to send text messages when you have no credit on your phone ;D

Unless there are ones that let you do that now? ??? I'm fairly sure not
[/quote]

If you have a tarrif you can have free texts without credit. I top up ?10 a month and get unlimited texts, so when I run out of credit, I can only text people for the rest of the month.

X
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: pandora on 19 February 2011, 03:50:19 pm
By text - "Hello Pandora, you look amazing"

Thanks - ring for appointment

"I am too far away from you for a visit"

In my head -loser!

"I think you look fantastic in your pictures.  I have the horn big time!

10mins later "Loads.  Thank you"


Tested twice the next day to say " sorry if I offended you last night, was a bit rude"

and "you really made my evening".  Nutter

20 mins later "I am going to shoot again"

hour later "OMG you are so fabulous"

Seems I even provide a free service in cyber land.

Weirdo.


Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 21 February 2011, 10:42:54 am
By text - "Hello Pandora, you look amazing"

Thanks - ring for appointment

"I am too far away from you for a visit"

In my head -loser!

"I think you look fantastic in your pictures.  I have the horn big time!

10mins later "Loads.  Thank you"


Tested twice the next day to say " sorry if I offended you last night, was a bit rude"

and "you really made my evening".  Nutter

20 mins later "I am going to shoot again"

hour later "OMG you are so fabulous"

Seems I even provide a free service in cyber land.

Weirdo.



If only you could turn that into a paid service though Pandora, how great would that be? You could make a living without even leaving your house! result :D

Voicemail this morning 'Hello Simone, I've seen your website and you look great, I don't want to give you money but if you are looking for some no strings fun give me a ring on blah blah blah'

The best bit of it was he sounded EXACTALLY like Wearside Jack (The bloke from Sunderland who posed as Peter Sutcliffe during the Yorkshire Ripper investigation :o) Come to think of it I don't think they every caught that guy, knowing my luck it was probably him ((shudders))
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xw5 on 21 February 2011, 11:17:23 am
The best bit of it was he sounded EXACTLY like Wearside Jack (The bloke from Sunderland who posed as Peter Sutcliffe during the Yorkshire Ripper investigation :o) Come to think of it I don't think they every caught that guy, knowing my luck it was probably him ((shudders))

Caught in 2005 due to some DNA on an envelope he licked in the 70s. Sentenced to eight years for perverting the course of justice in 2006.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 21 February 2011, 11:26:21 am
"[...] I don't want to give you money but [...]"

I am totally using this line EVERY TIME I try to buy anything from now on. ;D

"Hello, Gregg's Employee, I don't want to give you any money but may I have that bag of donuts?"
"Hello, brilliant hairdresser who makes me look almost decent, I don't want to give you any money but will you come and live in my kitchen cupboards so you can style my hair every day?"
"Hello, Big Issue seller, I don't want to give you any money but could you go away and stop being so homeless?"

I could go on all day! Especially since I have tons of homework that I should have started a week ago. Ahem! Back to the real world... ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 21 February 2011, 11:31:29 am
The best bit of it was he sounded EXACTLY like Wearside Jack (The bloke from Sunderland who posed as Peter Sutcliffe during the Yorkshire Ripper investigation :o) Come to think of it I don't think they every caught that guy, knowing my luck it was probably him ((shudders))

Caught in 2005 due to some DNA on an envelope he licked in the 70s. Sentenced to eight years for perverting the course of justice in 2006.

I didn't know that! (and I'm a Sunderland girl as well so I really should :P) they caught him from DNA from the seventies? That's truly amazing.
I'm assuming it wasn't him then ;D probably a very unfortunate sound a like.
And yes Emily I'm going to use the 'I don't have any money but...' line myself from now on. There's a lovely pair of platform heels in Kurt kieger that have a ?12o price tag I don't want to fork out for, wish me luck!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: amy on 21 February 2011, 01:13:33 pm
Voicemail this morning 'Hello Simone, I've seen your website and you look great, I don't want to give you money but if you are looking for some no strings fun give me a ring on blah blah blah'


And in the same vein from across the pond (by way of proof that they don't change no matter where you go):

Email received Saturday:
Quote
I seen your ad on Eros and I think that your absolutely amazing lol

I am 26yrs old I am very well educated as I hold a Master's degree and 2 bachelors degrees.  I was hoping you would consider giving me the night of my life that I would never forget.  If your free any night, maybe you would consider spending it with me?  Have a few drinks, order food, hangout together.  I always promised myself I would never pay for this so it was worth a shot to contact you to see if you would do it.  Anyway I attached a photo of myself, let me know what you think.  

Hope to hear back from you :)

Bwahahahahaha. And even better:

Quote
> Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2011 00:23:44 -0700
> From: anotherchancer
> To:
> Subject: My Photo
>
> I believe at first we need to each other better to communicate
> further.
> So hereby I am attaching my photo. You also please send me your
> photo and your info.
> Thanks.
> John,

The photo was of James Lafferty from One Tree Hill. Good old Tineye (http://www.tineye.com/search/a4e1cd08e63b1124fe960668920258807393189d/?page=1&sort=score&order=desc)  ;D.

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 21 February 2011, 01:57:05 pm
The photo was of James Lafferty from One Tree Hill. Good old Tineye (http://www.tineye.com/search/a4e1cd08e63b1124fe960668920258807393189d/?page=1&sort=score&order=desc)  ;D.

Baahahaha! For some reason, that really cracks me up. ;D Look at him, supposedly peeking out from behind a tree at a prossie.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: NubianTemptress on 21 February 2011, 06:46:41 pm
Yesterday I had this annoying guy keep texting me, I asked him to call me if he wanted to arrange a booking, he drop called me, then asked me to call him back.  Then more texts.

I sent him a message "Just stop right now. Find someone else to inflict yourself on.  You won't get a further response from me".

That seemed to do the job.
I got the "Find someone else to inflict yourself on" from Emily's site.  It works well.  Thanks Emz  :D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 22 February 2011, 09:33:27 am
Text at 10.40pm last night from a number I didn't recognise 'Can I get an outcall?' (Don't kill me with details there mind mate ;))
I was feeling rather short tempered so I text back 'I don't know, can you?'
5 minutes later got a reply 'No need to be sarcastic'
 ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 22 February 2011, 10:20:57 am
I got the "Find someone else to inflict yourself on" from Emily's site.  It works well.  Thanks Emz  :D

Good lord, what a cow I am! I did mean it to sound half-jokey on my site, honest. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: NubianTemptress on 22 February 2011, 10:27:11 am
Good lord, what a cow I am! I did mean it to sound half-jokey on my site, honest. ;D

Oh it did Emily.. I was cracking up when I read it, love sarcastic humour, but stripped the niceness for the TW's LOL.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: River on 22 February 2011, 11:42:16 am
Via text: "Wish I could see you tomorrow. But im broke"

What is it with these people?
Do they also stand outside expensive restaurants
looking forlornly at the menu and hope the staff take pity and
offer a free meal?   ;D
Actually, they probably do.

 
 
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 22 February 2011, 12:54:47 pm
Text at 10.40pm last night from a number I didn't recognise 'Can I get an outcall?' (Don't kill me with details there mind mate ;))
I was feeling rather short tempered so I text back 'I don't know, can you?'
5 minutes later got a reply 'No need to be sarcastic'
 ;D ;D ;D

I had a guy once phone without even as much as a hello go "can I get an outcall please?"

You're not booking a taxi mate!   ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: scottishmilf on 25 February 2011, 12:03:57 am
Ha, this is very imaginative how many of youz also had this one :L

((The full text of a basic 'Hello, I am a corrupt banker and I want you to help steal some money. Did I mention there will be some fees for modalities? Never mind, there will be..' scam email deleted.))
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 25 February 2011, 12:21:39 am
Zugi love, can you not post all your 419/Nigerian scam emails here? Everyone with an email address gets them (you might not have noticed before because your spam filters caught them). We tend to get more of them than people who don't post their email addresses publicly on the internet do, but otherwise it's absolutely nothing to do with escorts and the weirdos we attract, which is what this thread is about.

If you want to see some more examples of 419 emails, look here (http://www.spikynorman.dsl.pipex.com/index_date.html). You might also like 419eater (http://www.419eater.com/).
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: strawberry on 25 February 2011, 02:40:38 pm
Voicemail this morning 'Hello Simone, I've seen your website and you look great, I don't want to give you money but if you are looking for some no strings fun give me a ring on blah blah blah'


And in the same vein from across the pond (by way of proof that they don't change no matter where you go):

Email received Saturday:
Quote
I seen your ad on Eros and I think that your absolutely amazing lol

I am 26yrs old I am very well educated as I hold a Master's degree and 2 bachelors degrees.  I was hoping you would consider giving me the night of my life that I would never forget.  If your free any night, maybe you would consider spending it with me?  Have a few drinks, order food, hangout together.  I always promised myself I would never pay for this so it was worth a shot to contact you to see if you would do it.  Anyway I attached a photo of myself, let me know what you think.  

Hope to hear back from you :)

Bwahahahahaha. And even better:

Quote
> Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2011 00:23:44 -0700
> From: anotherchancer
> To:
> Subject: My Photo
>
> I believe at first we need to each other better to communicate
> further.
> So hereby I am attaching my photo. You also please send me your
> photo and your info.
> Thanks.
> John,

The photo was of James Lafferty from One Tree Hill. Good old Tineye (http://www.tineye.com/search/a4e1cd08e63b1124fe960668920258807393189d/?page=1&sort=score&order=desc)  ;D.



I was really bored, had a bit of time to kill so played someone like this at their own game. Basically a guy contacted me via MSN last week. I don't usually entertain guys via that method, but hey like I say I was at a loose end.

Anyway he basically asked me for a free shag, said he wasn't looking to pay and even better said that I would fancy him. So I lay down the gauntlet, I said "Ok matey boy, we'll meet up have a few drinks, and if I fancy you as you say I will then maybe we will get down to some rumpy pumpy". Suddenly he didn't have any transport, couldn't believe me, asked me to send him some photos that weren't on my website, said he didn't fancy meeting me in a bar because I was probably a 'known' escort and he wasn't going to be seen out with one.

Called his bluff and he went running off frightened.

I'm guessing he came on line for a bit of sexy chat and went away with more than he bargained for. Ah well!!!

PS do not try this at home readers ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: GJ on 25 February 2011, 02:49:26 pm
I got someone asking me for a15 minute booking, (at that time I didn't have a incall place yet )
I told him I didn't do 15 minute outcalls,
Then he wanted to book an hour which was ok with me and if I knew any place to do the booking, Or otherwise if I was able to do it outside....

I told him I was ready to do it on the beach if he was ok with that....

Obvious no reply after that
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 25 February 2011, 06:55:45 pm
How rude!!

phone rings this morning (well my this morning so more like lunch time)

Anyhoo conversations goes like this:

Him: hi i'm on your profile and it says your dress size 18 but you dont look it, is this right?
Me: Of course its right, not something i would lie about

*click* hangs up!

how bloody rude! And added straight too ignore cause you know he'll forget and call again another time, they always do  >:(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Claudia Reina on 25 February 2011, 07:22:19 pm
said he didn't fancy meeting me in a bar because I was probably a 'known' escort and he wasn't going to be seen out with one.


Oh, yes, what an embarrassment to be seen with an escort, I'm gonna go and bury myself right away for being one...oh, the shame... >:( >:(

(What a plonker!) ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 25 February 2011, 10:33:12 pm

[/quote]

I was really bored, had a bit of time to kill so played someone like this at their own game. Basically a guy contacted me via MSN last week. I don't usually entertain guys via that method, but hey like I say I was at a loose end.

Anyway he basically asked me for a free shag, said he wasn't looking to pay and even better said that I would fancy him. So I lay down the gauntlet, I said "Ok matey boy, we'll meet up have a few drinks, and if I fancy you as you say I will then maybe we will get down to some rumpy pumpy". Suddenly he didn't have any transport, couldn't believe me, asked me to send him some photos that weren't on my website, said he didn't fancy meeting me in a bar because I was probably a 'known' escort and he wasn't going to be seen out with one.

Called his bluff and he went running off frightened.

I'm guessing he came on line for a bit of sexy chat and went away with more than he bargained for. Ah well!!!

PS do not try this at home readers ;)
[/quote]

LMAO...fantastic. As for don't try this at home!!!! But you just know we will :-))

Coty xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 28 February 2011, 04:10:14 pm
Ba ha ha ha ha ha ha ha   ;D  ::)

Hey fellow escort...

I have a special favour to ask.

I was wondering what the chances are of you and I meeting and simply indulging in one another no costs/envelopes involved...? Shocked!?

Well I saw your profile I am turned on and I am extremely horny, very simple!

No catches just simple sex - tonight ideally

I can accomdate in my lovely southisde flat and I cannot wait to hear from you.

x


Yeah keep waiting pal!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Claudia Reina on 28 February 2011, 04:57:18 pm
Ba ha ha ha ha ha ha ha   ;D  ::)

Hey fellow escort...

I have a special favour to ask.

I was wondering what the chances are of you and I meeting and simply indulging in one another no costs/envelopes involved...? Shocked!?

Well I saw your profile I am turned on and I am extremely horny, very simple!

No catches just simple sex - tonight ideally

I can accomdate in my lovely southisde flat and I cannot wait to hear from you.

x


Yeah keep waiting pal!


Aw, and you didn't go? I'm shocked! I would be in that lovely southside flat in no time ;D Can't say no to an offer like that! :D Come on, don't be heartless, you can do it for a fellow escort (escort, yeah, right...) ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 28 February 2011, 05:43:30 pm
I was wondering what the chances are of you and I meeting and simply indulging in one another no costs/envelopes involved...? Shocked!?

Shocked? Totally. It never occurred to me before that anyone would even think of something like that, it's just too radical! Mind. Blown.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: River on 28 February 2011, 07:05:37 pm
basically asked me for a free shag, said he wasn't looking to pay and even better said that I would fancy him.
So I lay down the gauntlet, I said "Ok matey boy
Called his bluff and he went running off frightened.

PS do not try this at home readers ;)
Oh, I am so using that with the next chancer I get.   ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 28 February 2011, 08:59:22 pm
   
Hi babe, I hope you don't mind the message here. I see your profile and thought I'd say hi.

I'm 28, a very genuine, loyal, loving and affectionate guy. I've got a good sense of humour, love to make others laugh, friendly, happy go lucky, positive, laid back and chilled out personality. I don't cheat or lie like most guys. I enjoy seeing my partner with other guys, but don't swap or do it myself.

I'm not looking for a booking or sex in anyway, I'm looking to meet a decent girl in the adult industry for a long term loving relationship. I run my own adult business and it's not easy finding a decent girl who is accepting of this, especially not on your conventional dating sites or out in bars/clubs etc.

I got pics on my profile here, have a look - see what you think.

I'd love to chat sometime and get to know you. What you say, can't hurt can it.

Take care

ADULTWORK-IS-NOT-A-DATING-SITE!!!!

I was tempted to ask him what "adult business" he runs  ;D , but just pressed delete!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 28 February 2011, 09:06:20 pm
love to make others laugh

well he's not lying there! lol
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 28 February 2011, 10:53:56 pm
I'm not looking for a booking or sex in anyway, I'm looking [...] for a long term loving relationship.

Ha! Well, I'm definitely also looking for a celibate relationship in which we never go anywhere without a chaperone but mostly just sit in parks reading tedious poetry to each other, so I do hope I hear from this bloke too! ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 28 February 2011, 11:41:03 pm
I'm not looking for a booking or sex in anyway, I'm looking [...] for a long term loving relationship.

Ha! Well, I'm definitely also looking for a celibate relationship in which we never go anywhere without a chaperone but mostly just sit in parks reading tedious poetry to each other, so I do hope I hear from this bloke too! ;D

I would actually quite like a relationship like that at the moment :-[ (But I insist on wearing a corset and he has to wear a frock coat and be able to handle a chaise and pair like a true whip)
I think I've been reading too many Georgette Hayer novels ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: PurpleNails on 01 March 2011, 10:14:51 pm
More a case of What I wouldnt like!
Ur tight pussy round my cock always a gd start!

The text talk always annoys me, these are grown men, I think it's to try and be 'young'.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 01 March 2011, 10:20:06 pm
More a case of What I wouldnt like!
Ur tight pussy round my cock always a gd start!

The text talk always annoys me, these are grown men, I think it's to try and be 'young'.

Agreed. I just had a..."HI Coty, you still got the flu? Coz I'm like a tripod and have blue balls, need your luscious mouth sucking me"

Urgh....just the thing to turn my stomach when I'm feeling so ill!


Coty x


Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: PurpleNails on 02 March 2011, 01:35:43 am
thanks for responding, sorry but i dont earn much just looking for some comfort as wife is ill, wanting a regular hour massage for ?20 will not mess you about, please consider.

For my life I'm getting sick of emails such as this!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: River on 02 March 2011, 07:04:50 am
Hopeful voice: 'I've got ?20?'

"Ha ha ha ha ha" ....click,  ...burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: PurpleNails on 02 March 2011, 05:43:26 pm
Hi ....
My question is very simple.... and we talk about details if you accept my proposal...
I am Herv? a 38 yo French guy.
Would you dare comming in France to spend sex time with me? of course I would pay for your time, hotel, diner etc etc.... And I would understand you would come with a chaperon...
What do you think? answer me even if it is no please
Herv?

Yes, I think going to a foreign country with a man I don't know is the best idea I've ever heard.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: River on 03 March 2011, 01:07:55 pm
From an existing client:
"I am modeling my home in Stevenage
on your set up
with the same coloured curtains
or near enough on your home"


If  I stop posting for a significant period,
you can find me hidden in his apartment behind the plasterboard wall.   :o
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 03 March 2011, 01:19:46 pm
From an existing client:
"I am modeling my home in Stevenage
on your set up
with the same coloured curtains
or near enough on your home"


If  I stop posting for a significant period,
you can find me hidden in his apartment behind the plasterboard wall.   :o

Oh my f**king christ! I have nothing more to add except this face  :o :o :o!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 03 March 2011, 01:46:51 pm
From an existing client:
"I am modeling my home in Stevenage
on your set up
with the same coloured curtains
or near enough on your home"


If  I stop posting for a significant period,
you can find me hidden in his apartment behind the plasterboard wall.   :o

 :o "plays the psycho theme tune in my head"  :o
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lolo on 03 March 2011, 08:26:54 pm

"well hello there......i am sorry my first time...contacting an escort...hence the jitters....not looking for a any sex or nudity.......live close to city centre...just wondering...cost of 15 mintue of drive with me.....during day time.....just maybe have a coffee together inthe car....or if you smoke....then smoke a cig...maybe hold hands and kiss...with some fondling. ???????// kindly let me know......."

regards

Would love to know how 'jitters' can be translated into an email, maybe that explains all the strange punctuation?



Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 03 March 2011, 08:35:49 pm

"well hello there......i am sorry my first time...contacting an escort...hence the jitters....not looking for a any sex or nudity.......live close to city centre...just wondering...cost of 15 mintue of drive with me.....during day time.....just maybe have a coffee together inthe car....or if you smoke....then smoke a cig...maybe hold hands and kiss...with some fondling. ???????// kindly let me know......."

regards

Would love to know how 'jitters' can be translated into an email, maybe that explains all the strange punctuation?





Thats interesting.. lol in a creepy way

Must say though, you've got too love guys idea of time and how much you can fit in it lol always cracks me up  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 03 March 2011, 09:35:07 pm
Must say though, you've got too love guys idea of time and how much you can fit in it lol always cracks me up  ;D

So true! I had a request a short while back for a roleplay to begin in a coffeeshop and result in me, pretending my hardest not to be a hooker, dragging him back to mine for totally-not-prearranged-and-paid-for sex, presumably after having coffee together and chatting each other up and whatnot - and all this was supposed to happen within my half hour incall fee. I told him it would be +?50 for it being an outcall, +?50 for roleplay not being a service I offer and +?50 for the extra time all this gallivanting about would take. He decided to go for a proper 30 minute incall after all. ;D

There have been more but I think that guy was the only one to handle my email retort with good grace! He turned out to just be a bit innocent about all this paying for it business, bless his heart.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xw5 on 03 March 2011, 10:04:44 pm
I had a request a short while back for a roleplay to begin in a coffeeshop and result in me, pretending my hardest not to be a hooker, dragging him back to mine for totally-not-prearranged-and-paid-for sex, presumably after having coffee together and chatting each other up and whatnot - and all this was supposed to happen within my half hour incall fee.

! This is obviously the male equivalent of the little girl's wish list that ends with '.. and a pony!'
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 04 March 2011, 06:10:22 pm
Ba ha ha ha ha ha ha ha   ;D  ::)

Hey fellow escort...

I have a special favour to ask.

I was wondering what the chances are of you and I meeting and simply indulging in one another no costs/envelopes involved...? Shocked!?

Well I saw your profile I am turned on and I am extremely horny, very simple!

No catches just simple sex - tonight ideally

I can accomdate in my lovely southisde flat and I cannot wait to hear from you.

x


Yeah keep waiting pal!


you wont believe it! I didnt even respond to this tit and today got this:


Hi, do you do outcalls? I'm looking to bump up my rating so let me know if you could come round tonight. I'm looking for you to come into my house, suck me off to completion then leave. Simple as that lol x

Ps, what's your number?


1) he's 18 so he's got no chance, paying or otherwise
2) "bump up his rating" He hides his feedback - genius
3) I only do outcalls
4) my number is on my profile
5) he's clearly an idtiot!!  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 04 March 2011, 06:23:12 pm
Arggghhhh.....5 minutes ago....call from withheld number so ignored it. Leaves a voice message telling me his name and location, hotel and room number the lot. Then says...call me back or be here as soon as possible!  Classic....calls from a withheld number and tells me to call him back! And no way am I dashing out like a take away pizza to a guy who's clearly a dick!

Coty xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: River on 05 March 2011, 12:34:39 pm
"My first time seen
advert in Loot text me
back with naked
photo please"


Oh yes, now I remember why I stopped advertising in Loot.  ::)
God, they must keep old copies for ages, which is just weird.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Miss Melanie Minx on 06 March 2011, 09:53:30 pm
I just received this text,
postcode ?

Not even had any other text of them so its not to do with an excisting booking. 

Kelly  :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 07 March 2011, 02:40:10 am
I just received this text,
postcode ?

Not even had any other text of them so its not to do with an excisting booking. 

Kelly  :)

Man of few words! How rude though!

Coty xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Pennymoney on 08 March 2011, 10:29:02 pm
The best bit of it was he sounded EXACTLY like Wearside Jack (The bloke from Sunderland who posed as Peter Sutcliffe during the Yorkshire Ripper investigation :o) Come to think of it I don't think they every caught that guy, knowing my luck it was probably him ((shudders))

Caught in 2005 due to some DNA on an envelope he licked in the 70s. Sentenced to eight years for perverting the course of justice in 2006.

I didn't know that! (and I'm a Sunderland girl as well so I really should :P) they caught him from DNA from the seventies? That's truly amazing.
I'm assuming it wasn't him then ;D probably a very unfortunate sound a like.
And yes Emily I'm going to use the 'I don't have any money but...' line myself from now on. There's a lovely pair of platform heels in Kurt kieger that have a ?12o price tag I don't want to fork out for, wish me luck!

Snap, I'm a Sunderland girl too.

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 10 March 2011, 08:41:14 pm
Oh for pity's sake, give me strength:-(
Work has been dead forever and I get a message just now....my heart skips a beat at the thought of some money for  food and gas at last!
And I get an idiot telling me how he loves my pics and  how big black women like me are his favourite and then asks for my address!
I'm white and only do outcalls! Grrrrr

Told him to go to specsavers!

Coty x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dionne on 11 March 2011, 06:12:34 pm
Lmffao coty!!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dionne on 11 March 2011, 06:45:42 pm
I've just had one!!! Hahaha

Phone call received do you
"do half hour incall bookings? "
" yes i do"
"how much is it?"
"?80"
"oh that's too much for me sorry"
"ok no problem"
 
This in itself is fair enough, the bullshit texts I received after however are not!!!!
"sorry I'm 5 minutes away an your lush just out of my league"
 Ignored
"I was thinkin it would be about ?40 cheek I know lol"  (lol? Really)
Are you being serious??? Again ignored! 
Then "ok ?50 then" o_O errr is this a biding service???
Me - " sorry it's not a suggested price, it's ?80 for half an hour"
 Then " I'm sorry ur (text speak grrrrrrrr!) lush n worth it I know just can't stretch I adore black thanks anyway. I live nr asda lol "
Ignored!!!
" I know your gonna be worth it as your gorg. So curvy as well I'm gutted!!!!"
Again ignored

Ever wanna text someone and tell them to just f*ck off!!!!!!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 11 March 2011, 09:43:59 pm


Ever wanna text someone and tell them to just f*ck off!!!!!!

LMAO...only on days with a Y in them!

Coty xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: amy on 11 March 2011, 10:00:19 pm
Here's a belter from yesterday (no prizes for guessing the Site Of Origin):

Quote
hey honey my name is [An Optimist] in will be in Scarborough on business Friday the 1st of April and I have to say the night as I have a meeting Saturday morning. I was wondering what kind of services you are able to offer or if you would be available for a date service you or some kind of dinner play date if wasn?t for a better word lol.

I am a young professional man and hate not having a date and having to stay over some where on a Friday night lol it?s so boring and well just wrong, I like your profile hun and think that you look really sexy hun so just email me back if you think we could maybe sort something out x

This has got to be an April Fool, ffs. I emailed him back to ask what it was exactly he liked about my profile considering he clearly hadn't read a single, solitary word of it (the services aren't exactly hard to find), and pointed out that my name is Amy and I am English, not German, so why repeatedly call me 'hun'? Then I got bored of trying to include all of the things that are wrong about the email and just blocked the poor bastard  ;D.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: NubianTemptress on 13 March 2011, 02:39:59 am


Ever wanna text someone and tell them to just f*ck off!!!!!!

I frequently text them & tell them to f-off.  Sometimes I'll ring them at silly o'clock, curse them and put the phone down, now I have free minutes.

Lately I've been thinking about calling that stupid pillow man  :D

I like to think of it as karmic retribution, restoring the balance of the equilibrium.. LOL.

They just think I'm a psycho bitch, but I can live with that  ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 18 March 2011, 09:34:21 am
Email on AW this morning

'Hi could you tell me if you have face pics in your private gallery?'

Translation- I don't want to spend the ?1.50 to check so I'm going to email you first to try and find out.
Was very tempted to reply that if he can't afford a few pennies for my private gallery I would imagine I'm out of his price range anyway ;D

The lack of shame sometimes just amazes (and amuses) me!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sammy s on 18 March 2011, 10:01:57 am
Last night i got this phone call:

man - " can I cum inside you during the booking?"

me - "of course if you are wearing a condom"

man - "I see. And how much would it be to do it without one?"

me - "make me an offer" (would never actually do it but wanted to see what kind of pathetic offer he would make for my own amusement)

man - "180 for 1 hour?"

me - "?30 over my normal price to possibly contract an incurable disease among many other things? Sounds really tempting" (obviously said in a really sarcastic voice but the loser didnt pick up on this at all. Thicko)

man - "ok good, do you have any naked pics you can send to my email before I book."

me - "no problem. The 378 naked photos on my  profile probably dont give a clear enough picture of myself"

man - "can I take your full address"

me - " 1 Fanny place which is off Dick road"

man - "I think I know it but will check google maps and call you back to let you know if i can make it tonight"

WHAT.A.DUMB.FUCK!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 18 March 2011, 12:45:07 pm
That is hilarious!  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 18 March 2011, 04:07:04 pm
LMAO...brill Sammy. Good grief, talk about thinking with his dick....no brain use whatsoever there was there?
thanks for making me laugh!

Coty xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 18 March 2011, 07:10:07 pm
And again!!!

This is the same guy who I posted 2 emails from recently!

He's now come up with an essay! I love how all these guys say things like "dont worry im 100% genuine" well of course you are you tit all freebie hunters are genjuine!!!! lol

"Hey, I've attached my pic.

Please hear me out as I'm offering you the chance to make more money...

Have you ever considered having an extra MF couple profile? There is a real lack of top MF profiles in the Glasgow area and I think there is room for one. I would really like to have a couple profile with you and I guarantee you could make yourself the same amount of money as you do on your single profile at the moment...maybe even more on-top of what you already make. Say for instance you had a couple profile with me, we could both make 90 each per 30min bookings. So we could charge ?180 for a MF meet together. Basically it would be of benefit to you (as you earn you extra cash) and won't do any harm in your money making as you're guaranteed to make at least make the same as you would on your own profile. If anything you could be making a little bit extra :)


Think of it this way, alot of 'clients' look specifically for MF profiles and bypass the single female ones. So why not broaden your horizons and reach out to more people thus making you more ???

Taking up my offer wouldn't do any harm and like I said before, it offers you the chance to earn more when maybe bookings on your own profile have dried up a little (which I actually doubt would happen because your photos are so hot and no doubt you are always VERY busy) But nonetheless you catch my drift...

Let me know what you think, even if it's a no then please do let me know as I'm very genuine and serious about my offer.

PS please dont be concerned about my hidden feedback as I've done this just for the moment in order to protect my privacy. Rest assured I'm not fake, I am who I say I am and really think we could make good money with a joint profile.

S x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 18 March 2011, 08:02:09 pm
PS please dont be concerned about my hidden feedback as I've done this just for the moment in order to protect my privacy. Rest assured I'm not fake, I am who I say I am and really think we could make good money with a joint profile.

Aaahahaha! Good one. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 18 March 2011, 08:24:03 pm
PS please dont be concerned about my hidden feedback as I've done this just for the moment in order to protect my privacy. Rest assured I'm not fake, I am who I say I am and really think we could make good money with a joint profile.

Aaahahaha! Good one. ;D

I should alsp point out this guy is 18!!! He couldn't even pay me for services as my limit is 21!! lol
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 19 March 2011, 12:30:17 pm
Ohhh, puke! Can't stand these young guys who think we should be so honored to take them up on their myriad of offers that are so beneficial to us, when basically it's free shags they're after! Grrr. Just turns my stomach. Idiots!

Coty xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: kimba on 19 March 2011, 03:56:59 pm
That one reminds me of a foreign uni student who had recently booked me, been a real sweetheart, was obviously short of cash and  had been offered a discounted rate by me if he wanted a follow up ( this is something I NEVER do! ?? ) Wll, give'em an inch and they will take the whole mile as they say..
1 week later, 5am email:
Hi, I miss you.
Why do you sell yourself in this way? You sell yourself because you are beautiful and because you can. Are you happy with that? I want to see you again, but see you for ever and not to pay as that is degrading for you.

( No answer was my stern reply)

5 days later: Hi, when can I book you again?

Anytime you like. I am afraid I can no longer offer a discount as the distance I have to travel to visit you makes this unfeasable. ( ie, Should have quit whilst you were ahead soldier  >:( )

I can offer you ?120?

That isn't my full rate, please don't contact me again unless you are making a serious booking.

Fine. I will just have to go out and get it for free from one of the many young English girls that will offer it to me then. Cheers!

See, this is why I never offer discounts!!  :-\
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 19 March 2011, 05:35:46 pm
Fine. I will just have to go out and get it for free from one of the many young English girls that will offer it to me then. Cheers!

LMAO  I've had that kind of thing before. Think we're meant to get jealous and say..."Oh no don't!"

and all that, Why do you sell yourself and degrade yourself! Ohhhhh PLEASE! Why does he search for escorts then? Because he's a pillar of society?
when I get silly boys making comments like that I always say, "Darling if it wasn't for men like you, there would be no work for women like me!"

Coty xxx


Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 19 March 2011, 06:27:16 pm
My name is Mohamed and am 63. I have been suffering with Leukemia for the past 3 years and am predicted to have months left. I have 3800 pounds saved from working since I came to the UK and should be leaving it to my dear son who looks after me but I am looking for a girl to strip it from me.

I am in my study with my son in his room upstairs. I am looking to be instructed how to secure myself to the chair and gag myself so I cannot call to him, then wire all the money in chunks of 500 to you (whoever accepts this)

My son is very bright and protective of me and will need to be distracted while I do this maybe via a messenger conversation while you instruct me.

I love him dearly and know this money should be going to him which drives anxious/excited.

  ???
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 19 March 2011, 08:13:08 pm
My name is Mohamed and am 63. I have been suffering with Leukemia for the past 3 years and am predicted to have months left. I have 3800 pounds saved from working since I came to the UK and should be leaving it to my dear son who looks after me but I am looking for a girl to strip it from me.

I am in my study with my son in his room upstairs. I am looking to be instructed how to secure myself to the chair and gag myself so I cannot call to him, then wire all the money in chunks of 500 to you (whoever accepts this)

My son is very bright and protective of me and will need to be distracted while I do this maybe via a messenger conversation while you instruct me.

I love him dearly and know this money should be going to him which drives anxious/excited.

  ???

WTF????????????????

Mentalist? or Nigerian scam?  Either way, totally bizarre!

Coty xxx

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 19 March 2011, 08:23:04 pm
I'm thinking strange fantasy, like the one who was messaging people on AW about how he/his mother is disabled and he realised he loved humillation when he/his mother was abused by some random teenagers.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: April on 20 March 2011, 07:17:55 pm
Quote from: a man boobed zombie
Please ruin my life as I know it and turn me into your man boobed zombie paying idiot slave.
I would like you to invent a appropriate nickname for myself as i also find this a big turn on.

I should not be allowed to have a girlfriend by yourself so as to always spend my wages on yourself.

Please tell me what you will do for motivation for me to see you and waste my wages each month ?

Slave
Fattytits

Clearly this is my lucky weekend!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 21 March 2011, 09:38:30 am
LMAO
OMG, they just get weirder and weirder!

Coty xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 23 March 2011, 11:28:33 am
I'm posting this one mostly because I'm wondering if he's tried it with anyone else.

I've had a texter for a few days. I deleted the first few where he asked if this was Maria and if she was still working. I haven't responded to any of them since I figured if he was genuinely looking for Maria it wouldn't take him long to realise that she's not here. Since then it's been:

Are you still working?
Maria - are you still working? Mark
Maria - can you give me the number of the place you are working so I can contact someone else if you're not around. M
-Then he called me, I picked up, and he hung up as soon as I said hello-
Dialled by accident - sorry! Are you working?!
Let me know & I'll come down - I've seen you before so not sure what's up?
Hello?!
Maria, are you working this avo?

Now, it's not entirely implausible that Maria hates talking on the phone, or that he's deaf/unable to speak, but given that he started off asking if he had the right person, and the evidence he's had since, and that I've had this number for over six years, I think it's unlikely he's such a dummy that he thinks he's texting someone he knows. I reckon it's a variation on "a friend gave me your number", and I'm meant to be trying to tempt him away from Maria with my sexy textiness. So, anyone else had this one?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Yorkshire Rose on 23 March 2011, 12:28:04 pm
I am getting them all today...

How much for an hour?
I answer with my rates
Oh I have ?30, what can you do?
'NOTHING'
please help me love I really need sex but can only afford ?30

NO!! You are ?100 short of my initial fee to start with and if you can find an escort willing to do ?30 an hour she won't have enough hours in the day as everyone will want to see her!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: River on 23 March 2011, 12:57:27 pm
I'm posting this one mostly because I'm wondering if he's tried it with anyone else. I reckon it's a variation on "a friend gave me your number", and I'm meant to be trying to tempt him away from Maria with my sexy textiness. So, anyone else had this one?
Not specifically that person.
But I regularly get calls from people asking for:  "Random female name"
I think the callers are nervous / shy and just need a gentle bit of coaxing:
One or two sentences from me to show that I'm friendly, approachable and normal {ish... ::)}.
I then handle the call as any other enquiry, by asking if they are looking to book an escort, today.
Some of these calls then result in Coin.

"a friend gave me your number"
My eyes roll up to the ceiling.
but again I handle those calls in the same way, and on occasion they also result in Coin.
On post-sex conversations they are open. It usually turns out that a friend did give them my number after all,
which considering how unaccepting society is of escorting, really seems weird, to me.
Hey ho.....
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Stephanies Secrets on 24 March 2011, 04:01:06 pm
Had a great one today...

Guy I've seen before calls me this morning to ask if I'm working today. I tell him yes and at what times. He mentions that he is going away tomorrow and says he'll call me back this afternoon. So far so good.

I get a text.

Hii Stephanie.... Can I Giv u de money tomm

Errrr... let me think.... assuming 'tomm' is 'tomorrow' and not 'at the start of our appointment'... NO!  ::)

I explain that it's always money upfront.

Ohh ok... I'm getting my money only tomm

Hm, maybe he should call me tomm then, Oh, he can't, he's going away tomorrow isn't he? So I didn't bother replying to that one and ate some cake instead  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 24 March 2011, 04:48:11 pm

So I didn't bother replying to that one and ate some cake instead  ;D


Good call! lol

Coty xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Stephanies Secrets on 24 March 2011, 05:34:06 pm
Good call! lol

Coty xxx

I find cake to be the antidote to all kinds of stoooopid  ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 24 March 2011, 06:01:19 pm

I find cake to be the antidote to all kinds of stoooopid  ;)

I find chocolate is the cure:-) no wonder I'm a BBW with all the twats out there! lmao

Coty xxx

[Edited to fix quote]
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 25 March 2011, 01:38:32 am
I hadn't heard from Desperately Seeking Maria in about a day, then this afternoon as I was going into town I missed a call. I only heard one ring, but since there was background I could have missed the previous ones, so I sent my missed call template text (it says if you call now I can answer). At that point it occurred to me to check if it was him and yes, it was. I wondered if he was going to call back and finally talk to me, but nope, he sent another text instead. It said,

Quote
Is this Susie?

LOL.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 25 March 2011, 08:17:16 am
I hadn't heard from Desperately Seeking Maria in about a day, then this afternoon as I was going into town I missed a call. I only heard one ring, but since there was background I could have missed the previous ones, so I sent my missed call template text (it says if you call now I can answer). At that point it occurred to me to check if it was him and yes, it was. I wondered if he was going to call back and finally talk to me, but nope, he sent another text instead. It said,

Quote
Is this Susie?

LOL.

He's definitely working his way up the alphabet Anika, he will be asking if you are Xenia by this time next week! ;D

I had a text last night 'Whereabouts r u? I need your full address not just a vague answer plz, wot service u do? can I cum in yr mouth?'

As you can imagine I text ed him back immediately with all the details he requested and an offer of a ?50 discount as a reward for his charm ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 25 March 2011, 11:31:30 pm
"hi,

i am interested in only a prostate massage.

i am suffering from Chronic Prostatitis which is a very painful and discomforting condition.

i heard that getting a Prostate Massage helps ease the pain (temporarily).

how much will this cost for only a Prostate Massage ?

Will it include me ejaculating or not ?"

This has to be thee funniest email I have ever had on Adultwork.

He can get a prostate exam FREE on the NHS lol, but I bet that wouldn't include him ejaculating  ;D
Chancers!


Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 26 March 2011, 02:48:38 am
Text at 1am tonight. Crouch end? Now?

Are these guys mental? Who in their right mind would respond to a text like that?

Coty x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 26 March 2011, 08:55:42 am
Text at 1am tonight. Crouch end? Now?

Are these guys mental? Who in their right mind would respond to a text like that?

Coty x

You couldn't accuse him of not getting straight to the point though could you Coty? ;D
I got a text yesterday simply asking 'You Ava?' I felt like texting back 'No I'm Simone' but I thought it might melt his one remaining braincell if I did ;)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 26 March 2011, 09:01:00 am
You couldn't accuse him of not getting straight to the point though could you Coty? ;D
I got a text yesterday simply asking 'You Ava?' I felt like texting back 'No I'm Simone' but I thought it might melt his one remaining braincell if I did ;)

Too funny  ;D

and yeah, straight to the point, I was going to be equally straight to the point back but then I'd have wasted 10p on a text lol

Coty x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lolo on 26 March 2011, 06:51:51 pm
"Hello baby,

I am so pleased to write you. You really look beautiful and would love to meet you.
I am doing my best to be short and direct so there is no misunderstand overall. This is my proposal, I really hope it will fit you and will be acceptable to you:
I would like to invite you to Morocco (Casablanca) for 1 nights in a nice hotel of the city. I will give you the name of the hotel and book the room under you name if it will make you comfortable. Of course I will provide you with a prepaid round trip plane ticket.I would love to fulfill one of my fantasies with a superb looking lady as you. Please allow me to describe it: it is to spend one night full of sex trying to measure how many times I am able to ?cum?. I have tried the same plan before and I could realize 6 times. I would love to challenge this number and see if I could? Could you help me in this ? please let me know.
Due to my family obligation I will not unfortunately be able to enjoy any outside activities with you.What a shame from my side. This is to spend this day/night with you at the hotel practicing sex. I know this is no much fun for you but it is really the situation so I prefer to let you know before and hope you tolerate. Our relation and interaction during all this time will be purely sexual.
If this is acceptable to you please could you inform me about your conditions (pricewise) or others so we can pursue further.
I am open to any of your questions.

My very best regards"

Blimey well at least they are 'upfront' !!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sammy s on 26 March 2011, 10:49:04 pm
Hello sweety, You are absolutly Goddess:-) I am a driving instructor and I would like to offer You a deal:-) If You have no driving licence, You can have one with me for free, just we can swap the service:-) I am working for one of the biggest driving schools in UK, so You will drive brand new car :-))). I will offer You lessons for the time with You. Driving licence cost about 800 GBP. So we can have in car sessions about 2-3 hours than after I will spend about 30 min with You :-))) It is up to You. I am very nice and friendly mate, i am 30 years old:-))) I came from western europe, but living in London about 8 years now:-)) If You wish I will send You my pictures:-))) If You have already driving licence please ignore this letter. I am not time waster :-)))) Thank You for Your time. Have a nice day:-)))

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 27 March 2011, 12:01:11 am
Hello sweety, You are absolutly Goddess:-) I am a driving instructor and I would like to offer You a deal:-) If You have no driving licence, You can have one with me for free, just we can swap the service:-) I am working for one of the biggest driving schools in UK, so You will drive brand new car :-))). I will offer You lessons for the time with You. Driving licence cost about 800 GBP. So we can have in car sessions about 2-3 hours than after I will spend about 30 min with You :-))) It is up to You. I am very nice and friendly mate, i am 30 years old:-))) I came from western europe, but living in London about 8 years now:-)) If You wish I will send You my pictures:-))) If You have already driving licence please ignore this letter. I am not time waster :-)))) Thank You for Your time. Have a nice day:-)))



Good grief!
These just get crazier and crazier!!!!!!!

I have to ask...do you have a driving license? lol

Coty x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Pennymoney on 29 March 2011, 07:52:55 am
This one from a guy on AW freaked me out yesterday;

Quote
"Hi there, I live just around the corner to you! I've seen you in the cafe with a man."

Brb, never leaving the flat again. So happy I got a security gate and a spy hole on the front door.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 29 March 2011, 09:00:17 am
This one from a guy on AW freaked me out yesterday;

Quote
"Hi there, I live just around the corner to you! I've seen you in the cafe with a man."

Brb, never leaving the flat again. So happy I got a security gate and a spy hole on the front door.

OMG Pennymoney that is terrifying, what an absolute creep, hope you are OK?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 29 March 2011, 12:11:33 pm
This one from a guy on AW freaked me out yesterday;

Quote
"Hi there, I live just around the corner to you! I've seen you in the cafe with a man."

Brb, never leaving the flat again. So happy I got a security gate and a spy hole on the front door.

EEEK!!!  That's scary!
Stay safe!

Coty x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Pennymoney on 29 March 2011, 02:53:31 pm
This one from a guy on AW freaked me out yesterday;

Quote
"Hi there, I live just around the corner to you! I've seen you in the cafe with a man."

Brb, never leaving the flat again. So happy I got a security gate and a spy hole on the front door.

OMG Pennymoney that is terrifying, what an absolute creep, hope you are OK?

I'm ok, just a little unnerved. The bloke has no feedback (surprise, surprise) but uses his real name as his login, haha.  I know if I ignore it, he'll forget about it. He did send it at 1am.

Just to be on the safe side, I took down all my pics and changed em all to B/W for I do have a distinct hair colour. Face pics are all in private gallery now.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sweet jane on 29 March 2011, 04:01:51 pm
^^^^
 :( it is crap when people do this sort of thing tho.

With mails and on the phone I sometimes find it hard to understand if its a case of people genuinely having ZERO sense of appropriate boundaries and what is intentional scary creepy sh*t.

I stopped answering one potential clients mails as he was a boundary pusher, then turned on the phone one morning and had a message from him 'don't be scared jane, lets talk' ....erm. I DONT like that kind of stuff at all. *shudder*
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 29 March 2011, 10:10:10 pm

With mails and on the phone I sometimes find it hard to understand if its a case of people genuinely having ZERO sense of appropriate boundaries and what is intentional scary creepy sh*t.

I stopped answering one potential clients mails as he was a boundary pusher, then turned on the phone one morning and had a message from him 'don't be scared jane, lets talk' ....erm. I DONT like that kind of stuff at all. *shudder*

I had it with one guy, (way before i found this forum), emailed for a booking. All sounded fine so I asked for address. He only sent postcode saying he would give me the rest once i get there!! It says on my profile a booking can not be confirmed without a full address so I simply declined the booking hoping he'd go away. He didnt and ranted on about his security! He actually said "you wouldnt give your address out to a stranger would youi?", "yes" I replied "if i asked someone to come to my house id pretty much accept id have to give them my address!

Then i got email saying "I know where you live", which i ignored. then he email "you live in **my street**"!!

When I asked him what his point was I honestly couldnt believe it!! He said he was trying too prove how genuine he was!!  :o  ::)

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Krystle on 29 March 2011, 11:54:18 pm
I had it with one guy, (way before i found this forum), emailed for a booking. All sounded fine so I asked for address. He only sent postcode saying he would give me the rest once i get there!! It says on my profile a booking can not be confirmed without a full address so I simply declined the booking hoping he'd go away. He didnt and ranted on about his security! He actually said "you wouldnt give your address out to a stranger would youi?", "yes" I replied "if i asked someone to come to my house id pretty much accept id have to give them my address!

Then i got email saying "I know where you live", which i ignored. then he email "you live in **my street**"!!

When I asked him what his point was I honestly couldnt believe it!! He said he was trying too prove how genuine he was!!  :o  ::)



FFS, lol.  Surely these guys realise they are only shooting themselves in the foot when they behave like this?

I've had my fair share of blood curdling emails on AW;  Some of which have left me staring at my screen, slack jawed for the best for of 5 minutes before I hit the delete button  ??? It's really quite bewildering what some men think of as an appropriate proposal for a booking, hmmm, lol
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 30 March 2011, 12:39:44 am
Phonecall this afternoon

Him: 'Oh hello, I saw your advert on Vivastreet and would love to come and see you this afternoon, how much is it for half an hour?'

Me: It's ?70 for half an hour

Him: Longggggggggggggggg pause which made me worry he might have died mid conversation ;D 'Oh, I'm assuming you must be VERY attractive then?'

Me: 'Why would you assume that?'

Him: 'Well you are charging a VERY high rate for Sunderland......... (I'm afraid the rest was sadly lost in the midst of time as I hung up on him)

Why oh why do people feel compelled to go on in such a manner? As if I'm ever going to accept a booking with him once he's said that? If he did turn up he would spend the whole 30 minutes fretting hugely over the massive amounts of cash he is allegedly parting with, looking for every single flaw in my appearance and personality then rushing off after to write a bitter review on PN.

Wow what an attractive proposition!  :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 30 March 2011, 12:48:43 am
Some of which have left me staring at my screen, slack jawed for the best for of 5 minutes before I hit the delete button  ??? It's really quite bewildering what some men think of as an appropriate proposal for a booking, hmmm, lol

Never fails to suprise me but one thing i never do is delete them because you can view you history with a person even if the change there username I leave them..and hope they get buried quickly lol  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 30 March 2011, 12:56:23 am
Some of which have left me staring at my screen, slack jawed for the best for of 5 minutes before I hit the delete button  ??? It's really quite bewildering what some men think of as an appropriate proposal for a booking, hmmm, lol

Never fails to suprise me but one thing i never do is delete them because you can view you history with a person even if the change there username I leave them..and hope they get buried quickly lol  ;D

I like to save them sometimes as well so I can actually watch their usernames changing on a weekly basis, One particular TW I have saved has changed his name 5 times since March :o

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sweet jane on 30 March 2011, 09:25:17 am
Then i got email saying "I know where you live", which i ignored. then he email "you live in **my street**"!!

When I asked him what his point was I honestly couldnt believe it!! He said he was trying too prove how genuine he was!!  :o  ::)



*gobsmacked* 'genuine'??  oh dear oh dear. really like your style of stepping him out and asking 'what his point was' tho, there's a self assurance in it that is good self defense.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 30 March 2011, 11:35:20 am
really like your style of stepping him out and asking 'what his point was' tho, there's a self assurance in it that is good self defense.

ha lol  :D

Maybe ive just been in the industry for long enough now that alot of the crap off the guys makes me go "yawn, you're so boring and unoriginal" lol  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dionne on 30 March 2011, 11:38:34 pm
An adultwork message I've just received at 23:35

"Hi Dionne... I tried to book an appointment a few weeks ago... without much luck!! :o(
Well after reading thru your profile and looking at your great pics (AGAIN).. I simply had to get in touch! I am as luck would have it staying in Coventry this evening - Wednesday March 30th. I'm afraid I couldnt contact you any sooner as I only just got here and fired up my laptop ;o(

I'm (joker), 36yrold ENGLISH/BRITISH mixed race, 6,2" tall fairly athletic & attractive (well I think so).
Up here on business and looking for an hours adult naughty fun :o)
I simply adore cute girls... especially those that know how to put a smile on a mans face !
I especially enjoy:
- short skirts
- heels
- sexy underwear
- very sensual touchy sessions
- Curvy black girls
I'm looking for an outcall to my hotel tonight? I truly hope you can make it?

I can promise a nice room - smoking room at that!!! Hope your ok with this?

I enjoy all aspect of adult fun.. but mostly mild dom and the kinkier side of adult fun! Lots of kissing, massage and 100% SAFE fun!!

Please let me know if your able to make the outcall?

Kind regards

(joker)

xxxxxxxxx"

1- my minimum booking outside brum is 2 hours
2- I need 2 hours notice
3- I don't work past 12 midnight
 Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 31 March 2011, 03:15:34 am
Joker indeed...very apt name!

Coty x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 31 March 2011, 09:12:12 am
This message arrived in my in box this morning (went to junk appropriately enough)

i thought that i best email u first to see if u r willing to do this because it is quite pervy, nad i dont want to meet up a find out that u r not willing.
basically ive got a thing for my older sister and for quite sometime now ive been looking for an escort girl who looks like her and ive checked out your wbesite and seen your pics and u could be her double. so i was wondering if u would be willing to pretend to be her for me and how much would it cost.

Come on girls and guys, how much should I charge this at best total fantasist and at worst utter twisted pervert? I just can't decide ;) **Shudders**
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: River on 31 March 2011, 10:11:39 am
Tell him you find the idea of incest disgusting,
You actually are his sister
and that you're telling on him,
to mum and dad.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dionne on 31 March 2011, 10:23:17 am
Jodie pmsl
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 31 March 2011, 04:29:13 pm
Tell him you find the idea of incest disgusting,
You actually are his sister
and that you're telling on him,
to mum and dad.

lmao...brilliant!

Coty x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 31 March 2011, 04:38:28 pm
Tell him you find the idea of incest disgusting,
You actually are his sister
and that you're telling on him,
to mum and dad.

Lol love it Jodie!

'Well actually bro theres a reason I remind you so much of your sister! oh and by the way you can forget your side of the inheritance money now' ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dionne on 31 March 2011, 05:42:11 pm
I'm getting them all today!!!!
 Call received at 4:20 this afternoon

Him: hi can I make a booking today at 6pm?
Me: yes, where abouts are you?
Him: London
o_O
Bearing in mind 1) i'm based in Birmingham. 2) on no where on my site does it say I do outcalls to London 3) even if I took him up on his offer it takes an hour and a half to get to London

Where do these men come from!!!!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 31 March 2011, 06:55:38 pm
Bearing in mind 1) i'm based in Birmingham. 2) on no where on my site does it say I do outcalls to London 3) even if I took him up on his offer it takes an hour and a half to get to London

Where do these men come from!!!!

I get calls too london with as much notice and I'm in scotland! lol
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 01 April 2011, 01:45:48 pm
Desperately Seeking Maria is back!

"Hi Anika Mae - are you working today and if yes, can I stop by? I can't call at the moment but please just let me know a time and place. Mark"

I hope this isn't the end. I'm right curious to see how far he'll compromise his weirdness in order to have me acknowledge him.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dionne on 01 April 2011, 10:58:11 pm
I've just seen a reverse booking on AW

12 hours outcall for ?300
 ???

even more shocking 24 girls have bid on it!!!!  :o
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 01 April 2011, 11:39:53 pm
I've just seen a reverse booking on AW

12 hours outcall for ?300
 ???

even more shocking 24 girls have bid on it!!!!  :o

If its the one Im thinking of (there was no bids when i saw it)

?300.. fine.. thats down to a girls choice of course.. until you read what he wants... Bareback, Cim, Anal! idiot  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 02 April 2011, 12:06:52 am
I wouldn't take the bid numbers too seriously. I think a lot of bids are scammy so there'll always be unrealistic ones, and you can also bid over the requested fee if you want.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 02 April 2011, 12:51:27 am
?300.. fine.. thats down to a girls choice of course.. until you read what he wants... Bareback, Cim, Anal! idiot  ::)

This keeps coming on...it gets loads of bids, then the next time there's no bids, then loads of bids! Weird.

But I was shocked how many were agreeing to bb!

Coty x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dionne on 02 April 2011, 12:52:27 am
It's was in the birmingham area so probably a different one to the one you were looking at xx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 02 April 2011, 11:20:35 am
?300.. fine.. thats down to a girls choice of course.. until you read what he wants... Bareback, Cim, Anal! idiot  ::)

This keeps coming on...it gets loads of bids, then the next time there's no bids, then loads of bids! Weird.

But I was shocked how many were agreeing to bb!

Coty x

I was shocked yes but I think what you have to remember is you do bid with your own price and I've picked up over time that some girls will bid way over the "suggested" price
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 05 April 2011, 01:48:35 am
Quote
hi,
 
where can i find nuru massage in bahrain. if it is not in bahrain, where other than bahrain.
 
looking forward for your reply
 
regards

Given that I don't offer nuru massage and I'm not in Bahrain (I don't even know where that is?) this has to be the least efficient way of finding an escort ever  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: misscleo on 05 April 2011, 08:27:15 am
^^ Yes i got the Nuru massage email too, bloody freaks!!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 05 April 2011, 10:11:39 am
Have to include this one from AW because it just made me lol so much this morning.....

Hi

I know you must get a thousand emails a day and rightly so .
You probably get loads asking the same as im going to but here goes . as they say shy boys dont get....

Im a male escort in the area and I was wondering if you ever needed a male companion to work with? There Ive said it so you can now delete this message along with all your other timewasters. But I hope you will give me the chance to prove im as genuine as i say I do hope you will get in touch I am proffesional I assure you and not just after a freeby.

Look forward to you getting in touch and I will send you my mobile if you want.
Talk soon

Mr Deluded.

Ps you photos look great tyour very beautiful and sexy

If anyone wants me to pass his details along so you can take him up on his 100% genuine and non freebie hunting offer please PM me ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 05 April 2011, 10:59:27 am
He's not freebie hunting, he's offering to send you his mobile! Maybe it's an iPhone 4 ;D.

(Bahrain is next to Saudi Arabia.)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xw5 on 05 April 2011, 11:13:56 am
More likely, it hangs off his bedroom roof, has been there since he was six, and has stars and spaceships and things :)

(Currently in the news because of it's one of the countries with popular unrest going on. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011_Bahraini_protests (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011_Bahraini_protests))
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 05 April 2011, 12:12:05 pm
^^ Yes i got the Nuru massage email too, bloody freaks!!

I wonder if it's a Nuru gel seller trying to create interest in the product by pretending to be a client (from any old random place) looking for the service? Or perhaps I am deeply cynical even at my tender age? ;D

On the other hand, maybe the thing you really need when dealing with riots and mad politics and whatnot is a bloody good Nuru massage. I'm pretty sure that receiving one would make me literally belly-laugh for the whole 90 minutes - hilarious sliding around in slimy seaweed and being bathed like an old person etc - so yes, next time there's a protest here I think I'll start sending emails to people in different countries requesting the service, too!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 10 April 2011, 10:11:18 pm
Hi Dear,

Yes dear I need appointment for your home. I mean in call service. Please also tell me your discounted price. I will be very thankful to you.

Thanks,
Mr DayDreamer

 ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dionne on 10 April 2011, 10:26:31 pm
Hi Dear,

Yes dear I need appointment for your home. I mean in call service. Please also tell me your discounted price. I will be very thankful to you.

Thanks,
Mr DayDreamer

 ::)

lmao what is this 'discounted price' he speaks of??? hahahahaha
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 10 April 2011, 10:45:54 pm
and again, I only do outcalls, it says so many time on my profile anmd website!

Hi

I use a wheelchair to get around and was just wondering how accessible your place is?

Kenny x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dionne on 10 April 2011, 10:53:41 pm
Text i received today
"Hi, can you please tell me what you look like?"

WTF my pictures are on the same website you got my number from!!!!!
 >:(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Simone on 20 April 2011, 10:39:39 am
Text this morning

"Hi babe (ugh :P) I saw you when you were with your old agency and it was gud. I will be happy to see you again for an hour if you only charge me the same price you did through the agency. Let me know what you think" xxx

I don't think he REALLY wants to know what I think do you?  So glad that he would be 'happy' to see me at a discounted rate. Gosh I feel almost tearful, I'm so honoured ;D.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Thayla on 20 April 2011, 12:02:26 pm
"hey babe your pics are hot, would you be interested in K9 for triple your fee, it would turn me on so much."

I actually went & googled K9, thought it must be something I don't know about but alas not- don't think I can write the exact response I gave him but I'm pretty sure you can all work it out!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Iman on 20 April 2011, 02:29:37 pm
Me: so, I'm going to need your address
Him: I know a discreet field...

 ::)

I just said he was talking to the wrong woman. Honestly, a field!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: jezebeldays on 20 April 2011, 03:32:19 pm
recieved this today ...
i was wondering if youd like to get involved in makin a sex tape with me for porn site im creating, any pay will be in the form of the tape as final product and you can put it on here for credits etc

if your interested email xx%$??"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sammy s on 20 April 2011, 09:20:04 pm
Got this email on AW today:

Madame,
Would you be interested in a 2 hour booking with me tonight and instead of a cash payment I can offer you a kitten from the new litter I have. She has some health problems but is adorable.
Let me know soon so I can arrange to have her packaged up for you.
Warm Regards


A kitten??!! Packaged up?! It's not a bloody parcel. Some men are so random!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 20 April 2011, 09:33:02 pm
She has some health problems but is adorable.
Let me know soon so I can arrange to have her packaged up for you.
Warm Regards

That one MUST be a joke. :o A horrible, unfunny joke; it just can't be real!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sammy s on 20 April 2011, 09:44:09 pm
I know!!! Surely it cant be true unless he's completely insane.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xw5 on 20 April 2011, 10:44:35 pm
 :o Not even 'fuck me for a kitten', but 'fuck me for a sick kitten who may not be weaned yet, despite me knowing nothing about how suitable a home you'd be for her'!



Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Iman on 20 April 2011, 11:21:18 pm
 :o

A kitten? That's just... I don't even...

Worth forwarding to the relevant authorities maybe? He's probably joking, but if he isn't those kitties need to be as far away from that daft numpty as possible.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 21 April 2011, 12:27:15 am
The biggest joke is a kittens not worth much especially a sick one!

Wierdo  :o

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sara1980 on 21 April 2011, 01:27:24 pm

A couple of texts that made me lol.....

'I see another lass near 'town' and I get as long as I want for ?25'   ::) Sure you do!! Enjoy your next visit to her then!

This one just in......

Him - 'HELLO??' What can you do for ?50???'
Me   - 'With an attitude like that? Nothing at all!' lol

Sweet Lord! - Do I seriously look like a charity? hahaha
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Iman on 23 April 2011, 04:29:25 pm
From adultwork

"Hi

just taken a look at your profile and very intrigued. New here, yet hoped to find a genuine member who can introduce me to AW.

Please take a look at my profile as i am genuinely seeking services, and have completed as many details as possible including pics. sorry didnt read the profile properly before sending this yet wondered if you offer 1/2 service for an initial meet.
As mentioned in my profile i can provide any further details if required."

If you'd read my bloody profile before mailing, you'd have discovered that the answer was "No"  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 23 April 2011, 04:32:53 pm
WTF? At least he's upfront about his uselessness though.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 23 April 2011, 08:25:15 pm
I love how he repetedly asks you to read his detailed profile, no doubt full of things no escort would ever care about, but can't be bothered to read yours  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 23 April 2011, 08:51:01 pm
I love how he repetedly asks you to read his detailed profile, no doubt full of things no escort would ever care about, but can't be bothered to read yours  ;D

Ha. It does happen sometimes that someone with a really detailed AW profile - obviously unusual because why would any punter put his face picture on a site like that?! - or even through regular email insists that I see what they look like before I accept their booking. And I'm like: wut? Do you want me to decide whether or not I fancy you before I allow you to book?! Do you not understand the entire point of my job?!? ;D

(Also, I find these pictures invariably amusing, but then I think everyone looks a bit silly when trying to look extremely sexXxi in pictures!)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Karin on 24 April 2011, 08:49:08 am
Woke to this one on V.St...

"I am an asian, 20 year old young man, I am new for all this but I need to fuck a woman. your age is very suitable for but I don't have money to meet you. I am just moved from london with my family, and searching for jobs now. Is anybody you know who needs a young man for dating or naughty fun or for some sex..............get in touch with me........I need some one aged between 30 to 45. Actually, how much you charge for an hour?................thanks........help me find someone for free naughty things but when I get a job I will meet you for 3 or 4 hours.................thanks"

 ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 24 April 2011, 11:30:27 am
Just before 11pm, last night.

*ring ring*
me: Hello
young man: Hello?
me: Hi
young man: I think I've got the wrong number.
me: Ok. Have a nice evening. Bye.

30 seconds later.

*ring ring*
me: Hello
young man: Hi. Where are you based?
me: Didn't you just call me and say you got the wrong number?
young man: Yeah I did.
me: So do you know who you're calling?
young man: Er no.
me: Then what does it matter where I'm based?
young man: Er I don't know my friend just passed the phone to me.
me: Ok, well why don't you just go off and drink some more and not think about me.
young man: Er ok then.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: River on 25 April 2011, 10:10:53 am
I was reading this very thread, 5 minutes ago, when the pre-pay rings:
-Hi, where are you?
In bed. Where are you?
-Basingstoke
I don't advertise in that area, but if you want to travel up to my town, fine. What's your name?
-Bradley. OK, see you in an hour or so.
Fine; phone me when you get here

Then a text:  - Fancy some phone fun?
{I knew it was a fake appointment from the first sentence; sometimes you can just tell}
My text back: Sure, phone me

Bradley then rings for some hot sex chat
Bradley hangs up

Then Bradley sends another text:
-very funny. I wanted a hot sex chat with you.

Bradley now shows up on my phone as "Blocked Bradley"
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 25 April 2011, 10:39:29 pm
LMAO....brilliant:-)

Coty x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lexi on 26 April 2011, 11:43:09 am
Love this:

hi as am low on cash at the moment, will you accept a 'Nokia 5530' mobile phone as a form of payment for a 30 mins appointment? its worth ?100 in shops, i'm 18 years old. thanks

Naaaaah thanks.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 26 April 2011, 02:14:06 pm
hi as am low on cash at the moment, will you accept a 'Nokia 5530' mobile phone as a form of payment for a 30 mins appointment? its worth ?100 in shops, i'm 18 years old. thanks

Naaaaah thanks.

Lol, I love those ones, too. Because, dear boy, if that phone is "worth ?100 in shops" why don't you sell it? Then you can offer your preferred escort payment in cash, like a grown-up. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lexi on 26 April 2011, 03:06:52 pm
Exactly!! Why would I want to waste my time trying to sell his phone? I was thinking as well that even it was worth ?100 in the shops it wouldn't be worth that through private selling?

Nevermind at least he had to guts to try it! So very tempted to rely but hey ho better not haha
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 26 April 2011, 06:25:09 pm
Love this:

hi as am low on cash at the moment, will you accept a 'Nokia 5530' mobile phone as a form of payment for a 30 mins appointment? its worth ?100 in shops, i'm 18 years old. thanks

Naaaaah thanks.

LMAO...oh my, they do try it on don't they? Never had anything as bizarre as that though! It's probably nicked too!

Coty xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lexi on 27 April 2011, 06:36:26 pm
Kk I actually have another - and this one really did rattle my cage, but needless to say I won't be replying!! Bit of background: On my adultwork profile I have put I am a geography student just so people feel like they know me a little before meeting.

1st text: R u really a geography student and if so, what does it consist of, know the longest river n the world?

Didnt reply to this as didn't pick it up until the second text:

2nd text: I am nt calling u a liar bt lets say i am a bit sceptical. It seems quite fashionable to claim to be a student.

Makes me LOL when i think about it... Seriously are you actually asking me this?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 27 April 2011, 08:29:37 pm
2nd text: I am nt calling u a liar bt lets say i am a bit sceptical. It seems quite fashionable to claim to be a student.

Makes me LOL when i think about it... Seriously are you actually asking me this?

Makes me LOL, too! The weirdest thing about this man's deep concern for The Truth is that there really isn't some magical difference between a student's vagina and a non-student's vagina (or levels of service etc, to be less crude :P) so I'm not sure what the point of some pillock going on a crusade to ask extremely complex and devious questions (like the one in your post above, ha) to determine whether or not you really are a student could be?!

Frankly, I know being a student might be a popular thing to claim because it implies youth and maybe part-time-ness or whatnot, but any sensible client would know you can have mature part-time students and any sort of in-between thing so all he needs to do to figure out whether or not he wants to see you is to read all the other words around the "student" bit in your profile.

Or I suppose he could just send texts that are quite hilarious because I imagine him literally frowning in consternation at your profile and feeling compelled to ask you (in illiterate txtspk, no less) if you really have TEH SMARTZ. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 27 April 2011, 09:52:34 pm
I get it all the time doing freechat, guys trying to ask "clever questions"  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: naughtyjas on 27 April 2011, 10:25:51 pm
What a wally, I would be tempted to tell him that Geography lessons are extra.

Jas x
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xw5 on 27 April 2011, 10:45:08 pm
I'm not sure what the point of some pillock going on a crusade to ask extremely complex and devious questions (like the one in your post above, ha) to determine whether or not you really are a student could be?!

The funniest thing is that it's not actually an easy question to answer and not doable accurately in 140 characters...

Next question 'Who killed John F Kennedy?' I know the correct answer :) and if you don't give it, you're clearly faking too :) :)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 27 April 2011, 11:08:03 pm
The funniest thing is that it's not actually an easy question to answer and not doable accurately in 140 characters...

But the first skill you learn at school/uni is Googling! ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xw5 on 27 April 2011, 11:58:12 pm
OK, JFGI! does fit into a text message :)

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Steele on 28 April 2011, 12:16:02 am
Quote
Hey sexy I would like to have an overnight booking with you at your place on 3rd May. I work music industry and have had a successful singing career so far.
My name is Dave im 40 years old, extremely handsome with a beautiful cock and balls.
However, I do not pay for sex so what I am offering is my voice for your hearing pleasure. I know this may seem unusual, but trust me I have an amazing voice and I'm willing to sing to you 10 songs of your choice. So basically you will enjoy some hot passionate sex with me and your own personal live concert from me!
Sorry if this was quite long but I am very much looking forward to meeting you as I'm sure you are excited too.
Thankyou
Dave x x x

Wow. Just... wow. The freebie hunters get more creative every time! Given that I don't do overnights at all it's an even worse offer. That said, given that he's offered me the choice of which 10 songs... I could really screw with him. We'll have some death metal, some opera written for a female singer, 'Taking the Hobbits to Isengard'... Oh and of course seeing as I always take payment up front, if any of them aren't up to standard I'll walk :P
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 28 April 2011, 01:51:27 am
"hi there..I got your number off your site..."

the simplest most annoying obvious statement that makes me want bank my head off the table!!! grrr
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 28 April 2011, 03:52:49 am
What a wally, I would be tempted to tell him that Geography lessons are extra.

Jas x

Ha ha ha....good one Jas.

Man what a prize twat! (him not you Jas lol) How not to book an escort indeed!
Don't know why but that's really annoyed me! lol

Coty.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 28 April 2011, 03:58:12 am
Wow. Just... wow. The freebie hunters get more creative every time! Given that I don't do overnights at all it's an even worse offer. That said, given that he's offered me the choice of which 10 songs... I could really screw with him. We'll have some death metal, some opera written for a female singer, 'Taking the Hobbits to Isengard'... Oh and of course seeing as I always take payment up front, if any of them aren't up to standard I'll walk :P

LOL would be worth doing just for a laugh if you had someone outside in case he turned nasty after the concert!
Jesus wept!  He sounds like my brother. He's a bit...well a lot ...loopy loo, and he wanted to call me up and sing all his latest creations on the phone for my Birthday present two weeks ago! 

Coty xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lexi on 28 April 2011, 11:41:53 am
What a wally, I would be tempted to tell him that Geography lessons are extra.

Jas x

Ha ha ha....good one Jas.

Man what a prize twat! (him not you Jas lol) How not to book an escort indeed!
Don't know why but that's really annoyed me! lol

Coty.

I know! Maybe he's trying to prompt a text response from me even though I don't reply to texts, dunno, I just found it just really rude! If I was going to lie about being a student, i'd make it some amazing course, not frigging geography!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 28 April 2011, 11:50:10 am
"hi there..I got your number off your site..."

I don't mind this one actually. It means when they start asking about all the stuff they should have checked before they called, I don't need to establish that they have internet access and aren't coming from one of those bastard contact mags.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Thayla on 28 April 2011, 05:33:45 pm
Just had an e-mail from a young guy informing me that although he's short of cash he is offering M&S vouchers at under half my hourly rate as payment & went on to list what I could even spend them on food, think I need to put my rates up!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Lexi on 28 April 2011, 06:24:20 pm
Oh my goood! Ridiculous! How dare people offer anything other than the going rate we charge, I find it sooo rude! If he rates his M&S vouchers so highly, why not use them himself? Grrrrr I would definitely refuse to ever see that person even if he did have the money!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 28 April 2011, 07:00:35 pm
Quote
Hey sexy I would like to have an overnight booking with you at your place on 3rd May. I work music industry and have had a successful singing career so far.
My name is Dave im 40 years old, extremely handsome with a beautiful cock and balls.
However, I do not pay for sex so what I am offering is my voice for your hearing pleasure. I know this may seem unusual, but trust me I have an amazing voice and I'm willing to sing to you 10 songs of your choice. So basically you will enjoy some hot passionate sex with me and your own personal live concert from me!
Sorry if this was quite long but I am very much looking forward to meeting you as I'm sure you are excited too.
Thankyou
Dave x x x

Husband and I were discussing this and think the best response would be too say you need a sample of his voice and ask him too send you a recording..only fair lol  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Iman on 29 April 2011, 12:24:22 am
Lol, as I was reading that my first thought was "X-Factor reject". Given that actual stars pay up when hiring escorts, what on earth makes him think he's going to get special treatment?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LeticiaMorgan on 29 April 2011, 07:38:17 am
Well I have just spent the last couple of days reading this thread on and off. Thank you so much for all the laughs ladies! Some of you have very witty replies :)

Interestingly, it seems that idiocy and timewasters are a global issue. No matter where you go in the world, you always find:

a) punters thinking that they can obtain free sex
b) men pretending to be male escorts so they can obtain free sex, and;
c) punters thinking they can get sex cheaply

Christ on a bike! I will say that it's made me steer well clear of advertising on Adultwork  ;D My rates are probably too high for there anyway!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xxxtinyxxx on 30 April 2011, 11:32:54 pm
Hello everybody,

I have had an absolute day of it today so i pretended to be the receptionist on the phone today, well it didn't help me what so ever.

Man: Can i have details please
Me: Yes, runs through details,
Man: So do you work?
Me: No I'm just the receptionist
Man: Will you come in the room
Me: No i only answer the phone.
Man: Well can i show you my cock then?
Me: Click.

This happens to me probably everyday but its just the same if i say i am the girl on today.

I also had this today.

Man: Hello can you tell me who's working?
Me: Yes its Mak, have you been before?
Man: No,
Me: Did you want details
Man: I'm having a wank.

HA HA HA HA HA...Silly wanky little men they make me laugh.

Love N' Hugz.

Mak.
xxxxxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 01 May 2011, 01:34:49 am
Hey

We are an escort agency based in the united kingdom in glasgow. We would like you to come and work for us giving you an opportunity to make as much as ?1500 pounds a week, work for flexible hours and afford anything you want.

We are discrete and have ready clients, we help professionals and business men get the best companionship time possible.

Please reply if interested in this opportunity.
Diamond Escort
We are new in glasgow city centre we have alot of clients around the world visiting glasgow for plesure and business.
Visit our website diamondescortuk.webs.com
climateserial@live.co.uk


the website is delightfull and worth a look just to laugh at! lol


[De-linked so as not to help their search engine rank. You can still copy and paste if you want to see the site.]
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 01 May 2011, 04:08:16 am

Visit our website diamondescortuk.webs.com
climateserial@live.co.uk


the website is delightfull and worth a look just to laugh at! lol

Ha ha ha ha ha. how professional! 2 dodgy pics of 'models' and they provide girl friend experience and girl friend experince! lmao And spotted that with just me having a quit glimpse for 2 minutes!

Coty xxx


[De-linked so as not to help their search engine rank. You can still copy and paste if you want to see the site.]
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dani on 01 May 2011, 09:10:20 am
. We would like you to come and work for us giving you an opportunity to make as much as ?1500 pounds a week, work for flexible hours and afford anything you want.



Hmm really. ?120 for 2 hours and platinum members get 50% discount. So its ?60 for two hours work minus the agency cut. Wow that really would make it hard to earn any money at all.

I love the free webs.com site they have. A professional agency really would not use a free site like them as their templates are basically all the same and vey unprofessional
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: kimba on 01 May 2011, 10:35:03 am
Ha ha! That has to be a contender for the most amateur website!
Where did they get that 'gallery' model shot from?
It looks like a secretly taken camera-phone snapshot in an airport queue! 
Never mind protecting your website pics girls to avoid them being used - just wear dark glasses the next time you are browsing the veg in Asda!  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 01 May 2011, 11:57:18 am
Ha when I first looked there was no gallery!

Just too fill in the gaps the AW member that sent me this is 21 years old! Barely old enough to even have an appointment with me. Yet another cheeky little shit who thinks he'll get rich easy, the biggest mistake everyone makes with the industry is too assume it's "easy money". Welcome to business little boy, it's bloody hard work!  >:(

I see there is also a mobile number now so will be adding that too the ignore list lol just in case.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: KirstyPink on 01 May 2011, 05:13:59 pm
My first thought was that the pic of 'Melisa' was taken in an airport queue. Also on the services page, it says at the bottom that they provide "anything else the gentleman wants inclusive" erm do the 'models' get a say in that then lol.

And what is with the email address:- climateserial@live.co.uk....Huh?!

What I don't understand is why people go to so much trouble setting up a site and stuff and for what?! If it is to 'scam' people they need to do better than that site and pics .... :o
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 01 May 2011, 05:45:36 pm
What I don't understand is why people go to so much trouble setting up a site and stuff and for what?! If it is to 'scam' people they need to do better than that site and pics .... :o

Well, to be honest, a lot of people fall for scams all over the Internet, even if they might seem obvious to the trained eye!

And I'm pretty sure setting up an escort directory costs only a few hundred quid and can (if it's successful) pull in an income of thousands per month or more, hence all those spammy emails we get all the time asking us to register for our free listing and then pay ?100+ for a Top Listing or whatever; it doesn't matter to them if your site gets zero hits from theirs cos they've already got the cash and there's nothing anyone can do about it without a costly legal battle that nobody can afford, especially if they've just been ripped off.

These sorts of "agency" websites are even worse - I think the business model involves setting up a site, like a trap, and just waiting til an unfortunately naive newbie falls right into it. They might take said newbie's money upfront (promising them tons of bookings, a la the straight male escorting scammers) or if they are evil enough, they might try to whore her out directly, sending her on bookings (I know at least one story of a woman sent to service the "agency" owners' friends and then obviously not being paid; the whole fake agency was set up to get the bunch of cretins laid and I think the woman was pretty traumatised from the abuse of her trust and of her body) without any security checks or safety procedures whatsoever.

Ugh. Don't get me started on my scammer rants. :P I hate them all with a passion. Especially as sex workers tend to be an industrious bunch who just want to earn their own living and (ideally) pay their taxes and be good people without bothering anyone else; the fact that we're a large target market for lazy, stupid and evil con-people makes me sick!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xxxtinyxxx on 01 May 2011, 10:49:08 pm
Visit our website diamondescortuk.webs.com
climateserial@live.co.uk[/i]


HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA....HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA....HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE....HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...

That is the best website i have ever seen...Proper top class models...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA....I'm holding my sides...
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 01 May 2011, 11:18:27 pm
I dont really believe this guys is a "scammer" just an idiot! lol  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 02 May 2011, 09:16:49 am
I dont really believe this guys is a "scammer" just an idiot! lol  ::)

That's what I  think about all of the lame attempts at freebies that I've seen in my working life, but if they didn't usually work on at least one unfortunate victim, the scammers/idiots wouldn't bother at all. Even this guy's horrendous website isn't much different to some of the cheap or free templated ones I've seen which have convinced various 'straight male escorts' and 'non-sexual companions' to part with their cash before they ended up here asking for our help.

It's alright to laugh, of course, at a really bad attempt - but they all fill me with a general sense of unease!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Sweetshop_Girl on 02 May 2011, 02:13:59 pm
Just had a booking by phone for an hour, then  he text me  asking to pay for only 30 mins  as it's a bank hoilday and he is a bit skint,  but still wanted the hour as he does not like to rush

Ignore list just got longer

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Sweetshop_Girl on 03 May 2011, 08:15:59 am
One this morning
I got up to see a missed call at 1.54am  ::), anyway the same number calls at 8am

Him, do you do half hours ?

Me, No (while thinking was that want he was going to ask me at 1.54am)

Him, oh only I don't have much time...

Me, oh that's a shame (while thinking, why are you moving abroad, dying, or really you're trying for a discount)

Him, I would really like to see you

Me, Cool I would like to see you (not) call me when you have more time, but not at 1.54am, bye.

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: RoxyBlu on 03 May 2011, 02:48:29 pm
Lol these are making me smile  :) What is it with these men?

I saw a guy a couple of weeks ago, now as I specialise in the fetish/BDSM scene I expect to meet a few weirdos, but this guy was something special....

He booked me for an hour but when he arrived said he could only stay for half of the session (he did however pay for the full hour) during his booking he pretended/role played that we were in a swinging club and that there were other men in the room. He even went as far as talking to all these imaginary individuals. He then had me on a lead hooked it on a door handle then thanked the door for looking after his puppy dog!!! I have no clue how I didnt laugh. He had a great time, left me fantastic feedback and seen me again since.

Anyway back to "how not to book an escort"...... He calls me last week asking if i fancied a group session with him and a couple of friends, I said okay knowing that these types of booking generally never happen unless I have organised a filmed session. The guy asks how much so I say I'll charge them each my normal rate for 1 hour which is ?150 but let them have 2 hours so they are effectively saving ?100 each. He flipped, he wanted to split the ?150 between him and four mates inclusive of all services, Anal, bondage, spanking etc and when I told him to go and find someone who was willing to do everything for ?30 each he told me he could get a model for the prices I charged!!! and apparently i'm not that good looking to be worth that amount of money....

Needless to say he is now blocked!!!! >:(
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 04 May 2011, 02:18:48 pm
"Firstly you look gorgeous, great job on looking so good. A bit about me then....22 year old male student studying biology at uni. Im in my last year. I like to have a good time with my freinds but theres one experience I want to share with you and maybe you could help me out?

One time after an exam me and a few mates were studying in a at one of my freinds house. Then at about 9pm it was just me and a freind (she was a nice looking girl, i have to admit) were studying together until about 11pm. I asked her if it was okay if i took a nap and she said go ahead. So I placed the pillow on the floor and fell asleep. I woke up and there she was pinning me down, my head was in between her thighs...I was shocked...I mean how would you feel. Then she was telling me its just a joke and that she would get off. She got up, turned around and she sat on my face. She had jean shorts on at the time.....I was really turned on. She would get up every minute or so and let me breathe before sitting on my face again. She later told me that I got a hard one and she was puzzled. She just wanted to get me back for that day I hid here phone but she was amazed that Id enjoyed it. I dont have the manhood to ask here to do it again so here I am now asking if you are willing to help me here?

I take hygeine very seriously as well trust me so I wouldnt like you sitting on me nude but instead jeans/jeanshorts-something that offers some sort of barrier between my face and your back side if you understand what I mean. Please get back to me, thanks."

Haaaaahaaaahaaa!!!! Obvious copy and paste job, but someone sounds like a fantasist with a little bit too much time on his hands!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LeticiaMorgan on 05 May 2011, 09:23:40 am
Haaaaahaaaahaaa!!!! Obvious copy and paste job, but someone sounds like a fantasist with a little bit too much time on his hands!

Asphyxiation by 'face-sitting' is a very common fantasy for men. And LOL about the hygiene part! Yes, no problem, I'll smother you with my crotch which is potentially dangerous but I'll keep my clothes on so you don't catch anything.

I hope he realises there are more germs in your mouth then there are in your bum!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 05 May 2011, 04:34:32 pm
I meant fantasist by the huge drawn-out 'true story' of the female friend etc blah blah. Bet he was masturbating just writing that lol !
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sweet jane on 05 May 2011, 05:56:46 pm
my favourite phone call for today:

'hello I'd like to book a session with you, it's something I've done before. I want to be fed live insects.....oh but I will provide the insects.'
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 06 May 2011, 02:06:25 am
my favourite phone call for today:

'hello I'd like to book a session with you, it's something I've done before. I want to be fed live insects.....oh but I will provide the insects.'
WTF?  Dear God...what is it with these guys! Thought I'd heard it all!

Coty xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Ellie_e on 06 May 2011, 07:58:46 pm
I got a great one today...I knew it was bull from the start but wanted to amuse myself...

the guy goes on about how he wants to bring his wife, what he wants to do to me, etc. etc.  I just say 'yeah', 'yeah...sure, sure'

Starts getting more ridiculous, like him asking me if I can wear tights and can they can rip them off...oh and can I wear my panties for 2 days before the appointment?

Then he comes out with 'oh, also I have a daughter, can I bring her too?'

Me: 'how old is your daughter?'
Him: '....uh... well,...'
Me: 'sure, I'm cool with it, I'll just get the police there before the appointment because incest is illegal you sick f*ck!'

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: ana30 on 06 May 2011, 08:59:13 pm
Quote
Me: 'how old is your daughter?'
Him: '....uh... well,...'
Me: 'sure, I'm cool with it, I'll just get the police there before the appointment because incest is illegal you sick f*ck!'


Sounds that's the reaction he wanted to get from you. Obviously the guy is into being humilliated (sniffing used panties etc..) and you pretty much gave him what he wanted which is a freebie sex phone domination. He must have loved it.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Ellie_e on 06 May 2011, 09:52:24 pm
Quote
Me: 'how old is your daughter?'
Him: '....uh... well,...'
Me: 'sure, I'm cool with it, I'll just get the police there before the appointment because incest is illegal you sick f*ck!'


Sounds that's the reaction he wanted to get from you. Obviously the guy is into being humilliated (sniffing used panties etc..) and you pretty much gave him what he wanted which is a freebie sex phone domination. He must have loved it.

[/quote

naah I don't think so, he kept asking for domination on me and I hardly said a word the entire conversation!  He just wanted to toss off with someone on the other end of the phone  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Iman on 11 May 2011, 07:07:27 pm
Is there something in the water in Bristol? There's a very strange man on AW wanting to be filmed drinking spunk from used condoms, and there's been 12 bids. WTF?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sara1980 on 11 May 2011, 09:22:09 pm

' I can only see your free 1 on aw will you change them to free pics for Like 30seconds then put them back to private please hun x'  :o

My reply..... 'Of course! Would you like to call round now for a free two hour booking?'

Sweet Lord lol! Don't usually answer random texts but he's funny!

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 11 May 2011, 09:32:40 pm
Dont you just hate that ones that start normal, you're fairly confidence its going ahead what could possibly go wrong?!?

Had a guy phone at the weekend and about a possible booking wednesday. Wednesday comes and he texts to see im still available, great that almost never happens lol So we exchange a a few texts over the morning, the usuall, whats the latest you work? how much is 2 hours? etc Then from out of no where:

"can you bring dom stuff"
"can you get me drugs"
"can we do watersports and caning seeing as its just our first meet?" (i dont do watersports!)

It was going so well, told him too bugger off after that!  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Sweet-Pleasure on 12 May 2011, 11:36:12 am
The one that had me laughing for ages was when I was staying in a hotel to offer late night sessions.

Phone Rings

Me: Hello, Jessi speaking.
Him: Where are you?
Me: I'm in a hotel in Newcastle
Him: But where?
Me: Near the train station.
Him: I'm in the casino
Me: ...ok?
Him: Can I see you for half an hour? I've got ?40!
Me: My rate is ?50 for 30mins, but I do a 15min quickie for ?25, I'll be available in an hour and 15mins
Him: What? Can I not come now?
Me: *Well you could but that may put the guy who booked in advance off a little bit...*
Him: I think I'll leave it for now then, I'll text you!
Me: *Can't wait!*

* denotes sarcasm

Poor boy! It probably took all his nerve to call me after his "big win" at the casino lol!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: kimba on 12 May 2011, 03:48:10 pm
Browsing my junk mail I came across this little gem;

Hi I was wondering if I could show you a good time on my school field and how much it would cost please.

Would this be DURING  his school day I wonder or at hometime?  :-\
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Sweet-Pleasure on 13 May 2011, 05:21:43 pm
I got a text today with just the word "sex"...

Not sure if I was supposed to think he's strong silent type and give him a free tumble, or faint from shock!

"Sex?!?! Moi? certainly not!"

lol men are silly

XxX
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: River on 13 May 2011, 06:52:50 pm
"Hi I saw your ad...." {interrupted}

Hi Michael.
You visited me last sept. and refused to pay, wanting a freebie
and asked me: "So, is it all about the money?"

"Thank you for giving you the opportunity, again, confirm that, yes it is all about the money
  and that my new phone has call-blocker,
  to which your sorry ass has just been added"   ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: River on 13 May 2011, 07:04:40 pm
Text:
"See you soon?"
Not a lot to go on!  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 13 May 2011, 07:25:28 pm
From ym free chat box.. I have so much sometimes lol

musicman1111: hy sexy were 3 bi guys with huge coks lover book u for long booking were all over 10 inches
IluvJem: uh huh
musicman1111: how long and wht u do for 6 grand with 3 ov us
IluvJem: I would buy myself a unicorn and go live on a island with talking turtles
musicman1111: u u p 4 it
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 13 May 2011, 08:01:44 pm
"I would buy myself a unicorn and go live on a island with talking turtles"

pmsl!!!!  ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Sweet-Pleasure on 14 May 2011, 01:43:57 pm
Just had a guy asking for an out call to a hotel from 9pm tonight, alls going well until

Him: or you could stay the night?
Me: sure thats no problem, it's ?600 for an overnight so you're actually getting a better rate
Him: wait a second, I wasn't going to pay you for the rest of the night, just the first hour! I was offering you a bed for the night!
Me: what makes you think I don't have a bed for the night?
Him: well... because... you know *stutter* *mumble*
Me: you know I'm local, so I don't have miles to travel, so you think I'm going to fall all over myself to spend the night in the luxury of a Premier Inn?

Funnily enough we've agreed not to see each other...

XxX
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Iman on 14 May 2011, 02:03:30 pm
Received about half an hour ago on AW

"Hi Amber is there a contact number to call to make a booking?
Thanks
Andy"

Amber? Who she?
 
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: River on 14 May 2011, 04:34:33 pm
My standard text to a missed call:

"Hi,  I missed your call
Please phone me when you can"

--"Are you Paris?"

"Learn to read, dumb-ass"

--"Harsh"

"Yes but cuttingly true"


Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dionne on 14 May 2011, 06:11:55 pm
Email received this morning "hi there, I've seen your website and would to come and see you. Where abouts are you based and how much do you charge?"
Are you freeking kidding me??????
I only do outcalls ( which is stated on my website - with the text enlarged, underlined and embolden) and my rates are on my website!!
My reply " did you read my website??? All the information your requested is on there!"
* rolls eyes*
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 14 May 2011, 09:30:08 pm
Email received this morning "hi there, I've seen your website and would to come and see you. Where abouts are you based and how much do you charge?"
Are you freeking kidding me??????
I only do outcalls ( which is stated on my website - with the text enlarged, underlined and embolden) and my rates are on my website!!
My reply " did you read my website??? All the information your requested is on there!"
* rolls eyes*

Oh yes! I think this one's a popular one! ha just last night I had a guy asking if there was parking at my place and I only do outcalls! guys are just so stupid that they cant see that not boring too read is starting on a negative! How they feel If we turned up to a booking arranged by email and ignored everything they'd asked for!  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: sugar on 14 May 2011, 09:52:11 pm
I recieved the email below from a weirdo a few days ago, didnt know whether he was serious or justa timewaster, so ignored it   ;D

   
Hi *************

Your website is amazing.I will be in London next week and wd love a session with you maybe 2hrs. For you to dominate me, especially sit on me, including sit on my face, smother me and use my body as a couch to relax on while you make me worship yr body on top of me.

What do you think?


I am looking for an IEbony Goddess to own me in London.


If you like you can invite friends over and have a party on top of me.Or even a boyfriend you can fuck  on top of my face...anything you wd do on a sofa or bed you can do on top of me.


What do you think?


David
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LeticiaMorgan on 15 May 2011, 10:01:31 am
An email received last night at 11:50pm:

"Hi, can you come visit me tonight?"

*rolls eyes*
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Sweetshop_Girl on 15 May 2011, 02:21:50 pm
Mid day today

"hiya"


Yawn!
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: River on 15 May 2011, 03:17:01 pm
"Hello I've seen your ad
I would very much like to see you tonight say 8 or 9pm"
I politely declined.

Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 19 May 2011, 09:50:22 pm
Usually I just shrug and move on when faced with Timewasters, but for some reason this one really pissed me off.

This guy is notorious in my area for emailing new escorts on AW literally within hours of their profile first appearing (he must use the feature which alerts them to new profiles). He has emailed me within a few hours of all 4 profiles I have had over the years  previous to the one I have now, and a good few ladies I have met say the same thing. He does have a few glowing feedback though strangely.

Emails -

Him - "Where abouts in {small area} exactly are you located babes? Street addy?" {think he means address lol)
Me- "I am in {street name - not giving him any more info grr} x"
Him - "Are you not still in {other place I used to work}?"
> I think 'great so I have seen this tosser before without even knowing it!'
Me - "No I'm in {street} now. Would you like to make a booking? L"
Him - "No babes just not the same with no {services I have stopped offering a while ago}"

IF YOU KNOW FULL WELL YOU DON'T WANT TO BOOK, KNOW I DON'T OFFER WHAT YOU WANT, THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU EMAILING ME, AND MORE TO THE POINT - WHY DO YOU WANT MY BLOODY FULL ADDRESS?????!!! Something seems sinister about him, from the way he wanted the address with no intention of a booking and how he jumps on new girls as soon as they register. :-X >:(


Jesus. take deep breath. rant over x

 
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 19 May 2011, 10:08:04 pm
I hung up on a a timewaster today only for him too appear in my freechat box immediately after demanding too know why. Idiot was clearly, first; loooking for an incall (only do out) then second a 30 minute booking (my mins 1 hour). This is when I hung up (he also sounded like a total idiot)

and yet again only to be proved right as the tit was on my AW profile which would have told him all this and gave ME abuse in freechat with 3 different usernames (obviously each one was kicked out). Oooh i hate being right  ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 19 May 2011, 10:24:04 pm
Jesus. take deep breath. rant over x

Don't worry, I find random demands for my full address from strangers really annoyingly weird and weirdly annoying, too! Had someone earlier today say pretty much, "Hi Emily! I have a question - could you text me your precise location, please, so I can see whether I can visit you today?" with literally no other conversation, no name given, nothing. So I said, "Er, no. You can see my general location and nearest tube station on my profile. There's no way I'm texting some stranger my address! Why would you ask that?" and, er, yes, won't be seeing him anytime soon.

I have one theory that guys who first start using Adultwork often can't tell by reading the profile (because they don't actually read the profiles, but that's another topic entirely!) whether they're calling a real independent or a fake-indie actual-brothel/agency profile, so they must often receive the full address upon request when they're actually contacting a brothel receptionist who's manning the phones for a bunch of not-entirely-indie girls in a flat that nobody really lives in. Of course all these details don't matter in the grand scheme, but I think it contributes to a lot of confusion on the average punter's part - learning to read between the lines on AW is a skill in itself; unfortunately, it's not learned til after learning to read the lines properly first so I suppose it takes them a while. :P

Don't think any of that describes your guy though, LouLou - he just sounds like a smug creepster who wanted you to know that he "knows who you are" and wanted you to know that he doesn't approve of your current services list, like that would ever have anything to do with your decision! Any smart person would check your profile and move on if it's not right for him; only sad losers will feel the need to throw a silly tantrum at you. So yes, cast him from your mind and move swiftly on to greener pastures(/nicer clients). ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: LouLou37 on 20 May 2011, 12:04:23 am
Wow, Friday - what an asshole!  :o

Well just checked my emails and said loser - AFTER being told earlier not to contact me unless wanting a booking (wouldn't see him anyway, it's just that saying "don't contact me ever again" outright can in my experience lead to stalkerish behaviour so was erring on side of caution, better to be "fully booked" all the time)

He just emailed "but I miss the {services not offered} babe"

Yes, breathe and repeat, breathe and repeat! Knew I should not have even responded at all to the first email. 99.9% of the time I just hang up/ignore known idiots. 
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Anika Mae on 20 May 2011, 08:40:36 pm
Not a punter (well, not in this context), but he just sounds like such a knob.

Quote
Hi,

Hope you're well, I am writing to you regarding your work.  I've checked out your website, in particular your photos.
I'm a professional photographer, quite well known in the art circles and have decided to offer my services to yourself in regards to updating your photos.  I feel, my style, would lend very well to your image and help you gain a different class of client.  My work is very well known and because I have a few free months coming up, I am offering a very reduced service.  I know it sounds like a sales pitch but if you check out my work attached, I think you'll be able to see the vision and beauty.  It would elevate you above everyone else, gain you more work from a different cliental.

Let me know if you're interested.

Knob

http://www.knobbymcdickhead.co.uk

knob@knobbymcdickhead.co.uk

We don't remember days, we remember moments.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Kayci on 20 May 2011, 09:31:32 pm
Here is one my friend got tonight...

hello miss ,would you be open to having a domestic slave boy of your own to pamper and spoil you and do everything you say ,will do all housework an cleaning for you aswell as help get you ready for clients ,please get back to me and i hope you can give me a trial miss x

My reply - U thought u was going to get a freebie!!! Bit sad really. I have people willing to pay for my time and my services including slaves!!! Does this ever work? Come on really!!! I will be sharing ur details for people to avoid.

Cant stand these.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Kitty_of_Herts on 21 May 2011, 07:50:19 am
Quote
"Hello sweety, You are absolutly Goddess:-) I am a driving instructor and I would like to offer You a deal:-) If You have no driving licence, You can have one with me for free, just we can swap the service:-) I will offer You lessons for the time with You. Driving licence cost about 1000 GBP. So we can have in car sessions about 2-3 hours than after I will spend about 30 min with You :-))) It is up to You. I am very nice and friendly mate:-))) I came from western europe, but living in London about 8 years now:-)) If You wish I will send You my pictures:-))) If You have already driving licence please ignore this letter. Thank You for Your time. Have a nice day:-)))

Thomas"

Snort.
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dionne on 21 May 2011, 08:19:28 pm
:-)))))))) lmffaoooooo that's so funny!!!!!! Driving license costs about ?1000 really where did that figure come from?
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: xw5 on 21 May 2011, 08:26:39 pm
?30 per lesson x 30ish lessons.

The laughable bit is the exchange rate he's offering..
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 22 May 2011, 03:42:13 am
If I looked as damned sexy as Kitty, I be wanting a airline pilot's license at least! What a tosser!

Coty xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Kitty_of_Herts on 22 May 2011, 10:17:15 am
?30 per lesson x 30ish lessons.

The laughable bit is the exchange rate he's offering..

Maybe I should reply asking whether his car was included as part of the deal?
What a nimrod  ::) ::)
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Iman on 22 May 2011, 03:44:42 pm
*scratches head in puzzlement*

Does he mean he wants you to sit on his cock for two hours in exchange for a half hour driving lesson, or he'll give you a two hour driving lesson in exchange for a half hour nookie session? Either way he's a cheeky sod
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Friday on 22 May 2011, 10:36:59 pm
"Hi there as you can see from my email address that my name is philip am 27 years old and the reason am contacting you is that i would like to book you and a friend to come to my house on the 19th of july for a ffm for 3hrs as a birthday treat to myself . What am looking for during the 3 hrs is sexy secretary, foot worship and anal, i see you do not do anal yourself so your friend would need to be willing to take a fat cock. I would also like your friend to be blonde or red if possible? If this is can be arranged please get in touch and let me know how much."

Well at least he's read MY profile but what friends are these?!?!?  ???
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Dionne on 22 May 2011, 11:09:13 pm
Best friend??? Lmao
I love "your friend must be willing to take a fat cock" hahaha
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: River on 23 May 2011, 01:41:53 am
Idiot turned up today with a fraction of the agreed fee.
He shrugged.
So I asked him to leave, while taking ?20 for the trouble

This is new territory for me as I would normally just get them to leave
without taking any money, just to avoid a situation.
{In real life I'm much more reserved than my on-line persona}
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Coty on 23 May 2011, 04:18:45 am
"Hi there as you can see from my email address that my name is philip am 27 years old and the reason am contacting you is that i would like to book you and a friend to come to my house on the 19th of july for a ffm for 3hrs as a birthday treat to myself . What am looking for during the 3 hrs is sexy secretary, foot worship and anal, i see you do not do anal yourself so your friend would need to be willing to take a fat cock. I would also like your friend to be blonde or red if possible? If this is can be arranged please get in touch and let me know how much."

Well at least he's read MY profile but what friends are these?!?!?  ???

That's  hilarious! Does he think you keep a selection of friends in a cupboard, like blow up dolls, that you can pick one out for just the occasion! Good grief! Why does he not just look for someone who is a blond or red head and does anal? What a weirdo. So did you say yes? I'm sure your dying for some pussy action on the fat cock...lmao!

Coty xxx
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: EmilyJones on 23 May 2011, 11:43:22 am
Best friend??? Lmao
I love "your friend must be willing to take a fat cock" hahaha

There is something absolutely hilarious about that bit, yes. ;D
Title: Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
Post by: Kitty_of_Herts on 23 May 2011, 12:48:20 pm
Quote
Dear Kitty

I'm Karl, I'm 42 and told very attractive, I'm also very submissive and enjoy serving attractive and assertive ladies.
I'm a professional mobile car scuff and scratch repair technician and detailer from the Uxbridge area.
I have many years of experience Repairing car bumper scuffs, scratches and alloy wheel scuffs as well as intimate detailing of cars.
I have also served ladies as a domestic cleaner and odd job man.
As I have this desire to serve and be exploited by a lady such as yourself I would like to offer my services to you totally free of charge.

This offer is not too good to be true I would like to fully detail, valet repair and care for your car as regularly as you would like and all I ask for in return is to be treated as your servant. Strange but true!
As I do obviously need to earn a living t