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Author Topic: How not to book an escort,world championships!  (Read 2587677 times)

Violette

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #270 on: 06 March 2010, 04:48:58 am »
Speaking as someone who has spent many a contorted teenage hour attempting to achieve the holy grail that is auto-fellatio

Didn't we all? :)

I love clients with small ones. So much easier to suck.
Thb, for work, I like things nice and mid sized, easier to work with, not too much worry of condom slippage, whereas a smaller members presents all manner of logistical problems. Like the time I almost choked when I inhaled and the condom slipped completely and  because of the force I was using I almost swallowed it!  :o Oh I was using a EXS Snug-fit at the time as well. Which are indeed snug, you can do the math. Also positions, what position do you use when you are dealing with a rather small member? I have been known, to just guide some gentlemen in the back way without mentioning it; because I know they wouldn't feel anything otherwise.

cindy

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #271 on: 07 March 2010, 12:53:08 pm »
hi, will you charge me 50 for suck and fuck? for an hour? i dont last that long anyway (5 mins max) and the rest of the time ill just want to suck your nipples and hold you.

I dont know whether to laugh or cry!
find out exactly how and why a man hoping to escort women for a living has more chance of plaiting fog, and better earning prospects on Jobseekers Allowance.

strawberry

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #272 on: 07 March 2010, 02:09:09 pm »
Would you meet me and my gf for nothing
No
Just to see how we get on or do u no any girls that will
No
How much for man and women and U
Call me

Numpty

Alexa

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #273 on: 07 March 2010, 07:32:48 pm »
I dont know whether to laugh or cry!

I'd laugh. Otherwise there might be some days where you never stopped crying...
A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left.

cassie

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #274 on: 08 March 2010, 12:27:17 am »
I'd laugh. Otherwise there might be some days where you never stopped crying...

So true,

had a normal  phonecall, very respectful and friendly  :)

but then - If I make you cum will you give me a discount?

erm, let me think - NO!!!

He then tried to argue so I told him to forget it and hung up.
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the ground in the morning, Satan shudders and says: "Oh shit, she's awake!"

Cat_BBW

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #275 on: 08 March 2010, 10:30:12 am »
Ah, the youth of today!

can i cum smash that huge booty of yours babe but im 16 is that ok



Erm..... No.

Wonder if he was planning to raid his piggy bank for the fee?


My first "how not to book an escort" message -  I feel like a real escort now!  :D

anonymoussw

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #276 on: 08 March 2010, 08:24:27 pm »
Ah, the youth of today!

can i cum smash that huge booty of yours babe but im 16 is that ok



Erm..... No.

Wonder if he was planning to raid his piggy bank for the fee?


My first "how not to book an escort" message -  I feel like a real escort now!  :D

You'd think they'd have the common sense to at least lie about it...
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
"if" - Rudyard Kipling

Violette

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #277 on: 09 March 2010, 09:33:40 am »
She would have known, grown men don't want to 'smash dat booty, or drop it like its hot biatch', they want to make an appointment, have a date, or visit you.


Cat_BBW

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #278 on: 09 March 2010, 11:24:38 am »
She would have known, grown men don't want to 'smash dat booty, or drop it like its hot biatch', they want to make an appointment, have a date, or visit you.



ROFL!!! Indeed!  ;D

Mango

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #279 on: 09 March 2010, 05:25:50 pm »
I got this yesterday:

'Can I book you ... blablabla... normal e-mail...
You look just like my granddaughter.'

The fact that the rest is so serious makes this so creepy. 

LondonEvie

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #280 on: 14 March 2010, 03:40:08 pm »


So, does this count??

 ****************
Hello there Evie hun, hows it going?

I'm sorry for the random email on this fine Saturday afternoon by the way sexy, i came across your prfoile and thought i'd try sending you one of the good old fashioned friendly msgs everyone loves, lol. Hope you dont mind?

I'm an escort to btw hun, working in London as well. And after i saw your page and all your amazing pics i basically thought it'd be nice to get chatting to you and see where it might lead. Whether it be on a personal level hopefully, or perhaps even a wild idea i have to pos work together when entertaining ladies and what not. But let me know of course if you'd like to hear more on that particular crazy idea of mine, lol.

You are one utterly beautiful lady btw sexypants!!! (Not like i'm telling you something you dont already know there, lol) Add me on msn as well if you like hun. Its (deluded@deluded.com) Be easier to chat on there possibly, plus i can send you some pics of myself to if you'd like to see them? Cant have us nattering away and you not even know what I look like now can we, hehe.

Well hopefully hear from you soon sexy

*******************


I don't know if it counts as trying to "book me" since it is basically a fella who doesn't know how to speak to women, or strangers, and who fancies himself an 'escort' and would like a free fuck...

but it did bring the LOL's in a big way :)


Anika Mae

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #281 on: 14 March 2010, 05:40:30 pm »
Aww, I thought it was sort of cute. Most of those requests are a few lines, but he really made a proper go of it! And he can spell, too! I give him an 8 out of 10 for effort.

anonymoussw

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #282 on: 14 March 2010, 05:50:13 pm »
Aww, I thought it was sort of cute. Most of those requests are a few lines, but he really made a proper go of it! And he can spell, too! I give him an 8 out of 10 for effort.

Even if he does write like a middle-aged fruit...  :P
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
"if" - Rudyard Kipling

EmilyJones

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #283 on: 14 March 2010, 08:10:31 pm »
I hope he includes a free essay and/or poem on what a sexy hunny darling sexypants you are with every booking. Gosh. What's his number? I can't hold myself back! :P
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Annabelle

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #284 on: 14 March 2010, 09:38:15 pm »
Email the other day:

[Illiterate]: Hi. Do you do facials?
[Me]: Check my profile for services provided and fees.
[Illiterate]: How much for facials?
[Me]: Check my profile for services provided and fees.
[Illiterate]: I just want to cum on your face, how much for 5 minutes?
[Me]: Are you even looking at my profile?
[Illiterate]: Yeah, you're well sexy babe.
[Me]: Right, so the part where it clearly states the SERVICES PROVIDED and FEES as well as the highlighted part that the minimum booking time is 1 HOUR if you live in the stated areas is confusing to you?
[Illiterate]: So I have to pay for an hour even if I want 5 minutes?
[Me]: No flies on you!

Hour later:

[Illiterate]: Do you know anyone else who will meet me for 5 minutes?
[Me]: Try the search button.
[Illiterate]: Anyone at all you could recommend?
[Me]: Sure but I charge a referral fee and she has her on rates too.
[Illiterate]: How much?
[Me]: ?70 for the referral, plus her rates which starts of at a minimum booking time of 1 hour...

Well worth not hearing from the charming gentleman again (and no, I don't charge a referral fee - wouldn't have recommended him either mind but still)... he even had the audacity to ask me if I was educated as he "only likes smart birds"...