Hello Everyone,

I recently had a text asking me "How much would you charge me to squat over your face and fart in your mouth?"
WTF!!!!

Love N' Hugz.

Mak.
xxxxxx

I mean, how can this be a turn on?

Haha, Who had this one today?    Or is this one allll mine. 



 Allow me first to introduce myself.  My name is [redacted],  with a spirit I hope the earth cannot contain... Im fit and very well groomed, I enjoy taking care of myself, as much as I enjoy life and all the pleasures it can provide us..
 
My path crossed your website and was intrigued by all I read and saw... Your beauty surpasses my imagination...  Your creativity, uniqueness and femininity flowed off your pages with an eclectic attractiveness that left me only to view it again and again... Your deeply ravishing beauty coupled with a Mistress's intrigue perfected all I saw...  And left me with only want and desire of pleasurable moments with you...
 
Please allow me to be forward and in no way impolite... I would love the opportunity to be with you, discover you with all my senses and allow us to journey together into a blissful unknown... I would love to see you, feel you as pure and silky smooth as you can be... adorned with with the most beautiful pedicured nails... Your scent transcending me worlds away...You are not an object but a goddess I desire to worship... I dream of opening my eyes to you opening your door, wearing high heels with laced thigh high stockings, delicate black lingerie and a very sultry revealing silk robe... Your smile enchants me as you invite me in...
 
I am taken by the warmth of your presence and how it compliments all I thought of you... There a bowl of freshest of fruits and the sweetest of wines, you offer me a grape that I eat from you, with you, from within you... As we drink and laugh and eat together, licking the pieces and juices of fruit from our half naked bodies, we begin to gently kiss and caress until we find each others lips and kiss as deeply as 2 floating spirits find one another...
 
We then move to the bathroom and share a warm milk bath together, caressing and bathing each other, sharing more laughs and pleasures with every touch, your beauty would overwhelm me and would want you there and now, leaving the warmth of the water to guide and govern our sensual desires...
 
We are left to discover the intimacy of the bedroom... Where I would beg for you to massage by body...yet I would love to be massaged with your feet, touched and caressed all over with your beautiful delicate feet... Blindfolded I lie there addicted and infatuated with every touch and gentle penetration of your feet all over my naked body... I can only of course return the pleasure and will begin by worshiping all that touched me... For the divine beauty of women is what caresses my soul.. Your every gentle curve and every inviting crevice only ache me to fulfill you more... No more can be said, for a gentleman never speaks about what more is to become...  All I will say is that will respect all who you are and cherish your boundaries as you do mine..
 
Excuse the length and depth of this email but I want a beautiful time together.  All I write are mere suggestions, I will leave you to create our dream reality.. for its always delicisiouly invigorating when left for fate to decide and play with us...
 
I will be arriving to London on Tuesday and would love to see you Thursday 3rd.  I will be staying at [redacted]and would love to arrange for a 3h encounter together..

 I await for your sweet reply confirming your availability and any additional thoughts on our time together..
 
Thank you for your time and may I wait until the pleasure is all mine....

Evie we have to know if you replied to him or if a  Divine goddess such as yourself does not communicate by such base forms as email

One thing bothering me,where precisely does he think you are getting enough milk to fill a bath with! Is he bringing it himself or does he think you have a cow stashed in your living room for every time you fancy living out your Cleopatra fantasies

Its almost sweet (in an utterly demented way)

o_o

Isn't this inspired by the bible? The Canticum Canticorum (song of songs? I have no idea in english) talks about grapes and milk etc, it's porny all around.

I have to wonder how you get a bath of warm milk.

I have to wonder how you get a bath of warm milk.

Use powdered .

Like Violette says though, it does need some oils and things or it's a bit rank. And for God's sake make sure you get rid of every trace after  .

I've confirmed with Evie that her guy is the same one that contacted me a few months back. My email was less out there but I thought you might appreciate seeing a bit more of his range.

Do read down to the second paragraph at least.



Hi Anika,
 
My name is [Rumplestiltskin], 32yo, fit, well educated and travelled gentleman that fate led to your website... I was very intruiged by all I read and saw... It wasnt your pics or services you offer etc, but how your words portrayed your confidence, honesty and comfort in their own skin...  rarely do you come across someone as mature and worldy experienced as you seem with age still on their side....
 
After reading your website in detail, I felt it would be a beautiful pleasure to share a night or even a weekend with you... a place to allow ourselves to set free our minds and interact as strangers naturally should... To speak, to laugh, to drink, to kiss as natures reflections could... and to connect as two lost spirits would...
 
I'd like to make the trip down to brighton and meet you there for an evening of memorable moments, infused by the wildness of our desires, and guided by the intellect of our minds...
 
I'd love to meet on the evening of the 24th and go together for a delectable dinner with finest of red wines as we talk and know more of each other through our words and gazes of our eyes... We then head off to a club of your choice (I will be a stranger in your land, so guide me to where is right...) and enjoy the crowd, the passion, the limelight... After that head back home to your place or mine and spend the rest of the evening discovering and pleasuring each other, guided by what we both desire....  The next day, we awake comfortably and go have breakfast on a beach cafe somewhere... enjoying the sunshine against our bodies and penetrating our souls... We then head down to a naturist spa where we both relax and share some more with each other, naked and free to play as we feel....   After that we both go our own ways and hopefully bless the day that we met and the smiles that we shared, and hope only for the best for each of our journeys in this life....
 
I hope little of what I have portrayed is acceptable to you and have the time and will to meet together that friday evening and saturday. 
 
I was greatly attracted to your wit, openness and especially sense of hygene.  I too beleive life is too frutile to play with and happy that you share the same limits and concerns...
 
Please let me know your thoughts on this and if your available on those days.... I know its still a few weeks off but would like to arrange early and book for hotels etc for our weekend by the sea.... Although not expecting many emails back and forth as we both have busy lifes to lead, but hope to share a little together before we meet...
 
 
 
I await your reply and wish you beautiful days till then...
 
[Rumplestiltskin]

He got more down to earth when I started to reply (I think putting a dampener on romantic prose is an effect I have), and when I said the date wasn't good he didn't suggest an alternative one, which made me think he might be genuine. I passed him on to a friend who likes pretentious clients and she planned stuff by email with him, but then he cancelled before any phone contact. I don't know if she was wading through text or not.

Amy, I think you were joking about the powdered milk, but that is exactly what many recipies recommend and I use.  

I wasn't, y'know. My Gran used to use it and I have too, although not for years - I'd forgotten all about it! It is great for softening skin and I'm off out to buy some tomorrow .

As Amy said, be sure to take a thorough shower after the milkbath and give the tub a good scrub too, milky deposites left anywhere get rank quickly.

This is the worst bit - and don't forget about flannels and sponges. I vividly remember turning the bathroom upside down at my old place years ago because of the horrendous stench that I couldn't identify and was convinced the drains were backing up, only to find it was a sponge that had the milk bath on which had been hanging around in the warm for a couple of weeks  . Not recommended.