Ok so these guys aren't clients as such as they would never be promoted to that level 
But why Di they insist on calling all through the night I mean 5am?!! Realistically who is on 24/7?

My top 10 most common and irritating texts and my responses. I have little patience!
1. Are you open?
(I am not a supermarket)
2. U workin?
(WORKING what?)
3. Can you fart in my face?
(Can you not contact me)
4. Hi
( I'm sure you are)
5. What do I get for ?40?
(a weeks shopping)
6. God you are amazing
(I will let GOD know next time I see him)
7. Your pics make me so horny babe.
(That's the devil in you.,, stay away I am religious)
8. Do you do anal Luvy?
(Does is say on my profile? NO)
9. Are you available? (reply sent within 10 minutes maximum) Yes, please call if you would like to make a booking....SILENCE...(3 weeks later) Are you available hun? (reply sent within 10 minutes again) Yes, please call if you wish to book.....SILENCE... OK I see that you have a problem with your phone keyboard so I will call you at some point just to make this booking that you never are going to make. (Surprising how many do reply after they see that)
10. Fancy a fuck?
(This is an automated response, thank you for contacting your local constabulary. One of our officers will respond to your message shortly)

Use my pillows to put their heads on!!!!!
This is my bed, I sleep in it, my pillows are for my head only!!! 
I put a clean sheet on covering my duvet for every client, there's cushions if they really feel the need to put something under their precious heads (as if my bed is made of concrete..), so why, why, why, grab MY pillow from under my duvet and use it???
Ohh it pisses me off no end!

Use my pillows to put their heads on!!!!!
This is my bed, I sleep in it, my pillows are for my head only!!! 
I put a clean sheet on covering my duvet for every client, there's cushions if they really feel the need to put something under their precious heads (as if my bed is made of concrete..), so why, why, why, grab MY pillow from under my duvet and use it???
Ohh it pisses me off no end!

Buy two extra pillows from Primark with 2 pounds pillow cases just  for clients and let them use. I tell them to grab one more to enjoy the show and they love it. They need something for their heads, dont they?

Yeah, looks like I'm gonna have to, buy a couple of pillows.. I've got 4 cushions on the bed (is that what they're called lol,
you know, those things you put on couches and sofa's), but obviously the lordships require proper bed-pillows, a couple of
cushions just doesn't seem to be good enough 

Try and kiss with bad breath 
Try and play with my bum
Spit on their Fingers
Blow raspberries when giving oral
Try and kiss me after giving oral
Take longer than 2 Minutes to cum
Talk
Breathe
Exist lol

I've been meaning to post something about this for a while but does anyone else find some clients just command 'suck my balls' when you're giving them oral? Around every ten clients of so I get one who orders me to do it, not asks, ORDERS. I think it's so f-ing rude especially as they're never shaved so it's basically getting a mouthful of their pubes 

Yep, it's pretty annoying, never mind a rather nasty experience all those pubes in your mouth..
Suppose it's part of the job, although they shouldn't be "commanding", ask nicely or you don't get mister!
Another thing that's been annoying me lately; Yes, I know my flat isn't the warmest, but after a few minutes we're both
heated up enough, yet I've had a couple of clients asking me if "we can get under the covers!"
No effin way!! That's my bed, where I sleep, and I don't want to either have to change my sheets every single day
or sleep in between pubes, come, bits of clients skin etc.. Eeewwwww!
I put a clean sheet over my bedding for every client, and now they're wanting to get IN it?! Sorry, not happening!

'Clients' is putting it loosely but constant requests and demands for pictures. I have a private for-pay gallery if you want to see my bits that badly, I'm running a business here you cheapskate twats.

Also one guy has started sending me pictures and videos of him? Literally why would I want to see that in a million years, eurgh