Regards the garden thing I've had a guy ring a couple of times asking about a booking, sounds genuine then asks whether I'm in a flat or house - turns out he wants to have his balls kicked in the garden. 
Haha. I'll do that in the local park.
This one isn't a championship contender, but I'll give him an honourable mention.
I was at a party Saturday night. Lots of pole dancers and men only allowed in drag. I took my work phone with me because I'd got drunk with a local comedian the night before and he was excited about putting on his sequined dress and coming along, so I gave him my business card and told him to call.
So anyway, we'd established that he wasn't coming but my phone was still out, and as I was about to do a turn on the pole it was ringing. I thought I should shut it up so I answered and a guy said he wanted to see me as soon as possible. I said that wasn't going to happen tonight so he asked me when I'd be available. I said I don't know, I'm at a party, call me tomorrow. He said he'd been looking at my site for months or years or something and had just got up the nerve to call me. I said I have to go on stage. Call me at noon, hope you won't be too nervous. He said he probably would be and I said oh well, bye.
I felt a bit bad about not helping him get over his fear of short prostitutes on the phone until I realised that the conversation had happened at about 1.30am. Fuck that. If that's the only time you can deal with talking to me, it's not going to happen.
