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Author Topic: so worried about being attacked  (Read 3966 times)

lolacorona

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so worried about being attacked
« on: 28 November 2011, 01:57:22 am »
Never had any qualms about the job, infact, I think it's a great way to earn a living. I find all men attractive, yes even the smelly, old and fat ones and I would happily do this without ever wanting to do anything else if it wasn't for my fear of what can happen when you invite a strange man into your flat. I am just so scared something will go wrong...

How do you keep calm when you first meet a new client? Are you thinking about whether he might attack you? Or am I just being paranoid?

SabrinaYork

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Re: so worried about being attacked
« Reply #1 on: 28 November 2011, 10:08:10 am »
If a guy books a lady with the intention of doing so there is basically nothing you can do about it.
But there are a few things you can do to minimise the risks.
Touch wood so far I  have had a couple of guys I would rather not see again but never an abusive one.

1) have a look at the way you market yourself,  if you are an all holes slut I would imagine you will attract those types
2) have a look at your pricing structure, if you charge bottom dollar you will get those that can only afford bottom dollar
3) always follow your gut instinct
4) have a buddy you can call before and after bookings
5) mention there is someone else there even if there is not

I am sure more girls can add to this.

I worked with an Aussie girl in NZ, she was the loudest brashest crassest girl you have ever met, she was constantly having trouble! It is a lot to do with the way you come across and treat people yourself.

10 years of whoring on and off I have been okay, but I appreciate that can change with my next booking!
Thought about offering NURU Massage??

Penny

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Re: so worried about being attacked
« Reply #2 on: 28 November 2011, 10:12:01 am »
Your not being paranoid.  Its a good thing to review your security procedures from time to time.  I work from home and for all clients I make sure that a friend/buddy knows who I am seeing and when, and I contact her when all is ok afterwards.  She knows the procedure I wish to be taken should she not hear from me.

I make sure that nothing is on show that shows my real details, and the layout of my flat is good if I dont want a new client to have access to certain areas, just the bedroom and bathroom.  I have a work phone and a personal one.  I stash these on silent in different places in case I need to get to a phone quickly.  I only see new guys that I have talked to on the phone and use my gut instinct on how they talk to me and what they say as to whether I accept a booking from them or not.

I think that if you have security arrangements in place, which hopefully you wont have to use, then you will relax more and feel more in control with clients entering your personal space.  

Im sure other ladies here can give you some more advice.

Penny x

Mellow

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Re: so worried about being attacked
« Reply #3 on: 28 November 2011, 10:29:56 am »

I make sure that nothing is on show that shows my real details, and the layout of my flat is good if I dont want a new client to have access to certain areas, just the bedroom and bathroom.  I have a work phone and a personal one.  I stash these on silent in different places in case I need to get to a phone quickly.  I only see new guys that I have talked to on the phone and use my gut instinct on how they talk to me and what they say as to whether I accept a booking from them or not.



Couldn't agree more, especially about the gut instinct.  If something feels wrong it probably is, even if you can't quite put a finger on what exactly it is.  Talking on the phone too, I ALWAYS do that, you can tell a lot from just a couple of minutes.  In short if something feels off, don't take the booking.

ladyjennaj

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Re: so worried about being attacked
« Reply #4 on: 28 November 2011, 10:51:17 am »
I think the paranoia is natural, honestly do. I have been doing this job for 4 years now, and I still get worried from time to time. I did raise my prices after one experience that left me shaken, and haven't had any problems since. I also pride myself on selling to professionals, and I have stopped working very late into the night, as the dodgy types tend to come after 1am - not meaning to stereotype by a time bracket.  :-X I think it's normal to be worried, and it's good to remain vigilant at all times. It's the same feeling as walking alone in the dark at night; you need to be aware of the risks, and that makes you smarter. Other than that, I suggest having a nice cup of tea and a friend who knows when you have jobs. It's all for peace of mind  :)

Steele

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Re: so worried about being attacked
« Reply #5 on: 28 November 2011, 11:02:26 am »
When I worked alone in my flat I had three phones hidden around on silent - one tucked down the side of the matress, one in the bathroom, one in the room I kept the cash. That way I could be fairly confident I'd be able to get to one of them no matter what.

I screen clients based on their communication - unlike most ladies I do take text bookings but you can tell how respectful a client is by this as well. Spelling should be good (doesn't have to be perfect but if it's all in text speak or written in dialect it's a bad sign) and messages should be friendly but professional (not dirty talk or just one or two word texts, both of those are signs of disrespect and lack of interest in you as a human being). On the phone you can hear if they sound 'shifty', if they're hesitating a lot after screening questions, and also signs of them being mental like having a friend listening in on the call or having kids around (neither of those mean necessarily they're dangerous to you - but they're warning signs. The friend may turn up to the booking unannounced, and someone who'd call an escort with kids around is obviously unhinged).

I also ask all clients one question - "have you read my full profile including my rules and my do's and don'ts?'. If they have, they get a booking as long as they pass my other requirements, if they haven't, they get blacklisted instantly in most cases. If I'm in a good mood and they sound sane and normal otherwise I tell them to go and read it and won't take a booking until they do. This is because I know if they read my profile they take me and my comfort seriously, they will know what to expect during a booking so are less likely to be boundary pushers (because I make it clear what I think of those!), and they will pick up on the fact that I definitely take no shit. During a booking that's going well I tend to come across a little bit shy and submissive so it's important for clients to know upfront that I do have a backbone and if they behave badly I'm capable of kicking them out.

It's worth having a few standards for things you won't put up with and check it on the phone/text - don't see anyone who's been drinking or taking drugs, I won't see clients who've had even one drink if I can smell it on them because I know enough lightweights to know sometimes one drink is enough for a big personality change.

But, the most important thing for me personally has been having 'on site security'. I always have a friend or my partner in the flat in another room, no client apart from one of my most trusted regulars is EVER alone in the flat with me. The security person can call the police if they hear something happening they can't deal with (if I was threatened with a gun or knife for example) and can come to my assistance if I'm having trouble getting a badly behaved client to leave. I've never been violently attacked however I have had a few clients who broke my rules and then flat out refused to leave, and one man who asked me for oral without a condom while pinning me down and refused to let go of me until I mentioned I would call security. Most of the time simply the threat of having another person in the flat is enough to get them to back off - my security person has only had to make an apperance twice and both times didn't have to say or do anything.

There are things you can't really protect yourself against - rape by fraud (a client using a different identity after being told no once) for one, and even with security I imagine there are ways a client could get away with an attack if they really wanted to. I am considering adding CCTV in the hallway of the flat as a deterrant but then there are issues for the comfort of the majority of my clients who are good, harmless people who have legitimate worries about their privacy. Any steps you take to screen clients and to protect yourself in your incall flat/room are inevitably going to scare away a proportion of your genuine clients as well as the nutters - I earn about half what I used to now I insist on clients reading my profile and rules before booking, some will do it but many will just go find someone who doesn't assign them homework!

Re. Sabrina's tip about not charging low prices - unfortunately that is true. It's not because clients without much money are more likely to be problem clients, they're not. I charge very low rates and I have some amazing, respectful clients who never give me any trouble who earn very little money. I think low rates attract nutters because they may be really unselective, they're not respectful and so they don't care about personality or the quality of your service (or even services offered because they intend to push your boundaries), and so they may well just go for whoever's cheapest. I've found that whenever I do special offers I have a lot more trouble makers. There are a lot of upsides to offering lower rates - you tend to make more overall, and clients often have reduced expectations which means they're not out to nitpick (a lot of mine are really happy I'm even the girl in the pictures and do everything I claim to!). But it is definitely something to consider from a safety point of view.
Previously known as Krystal Champagne

Miaken

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Re: so worried about being attacked
« Reply #6 on: 28 November 2011, 11:03:50 am »
In short, the best things you can do to keep safe are hide your face on your online photos, only reveal your exact address a few hours before the booking and get a 'buddy' to at the very least be on call nearby if you need help. Paranoia is understandable because it can be a dangerous job if you don't protect yourself but there are ways to keep yourself safe. A good screening process is also key, I know some girls here insist on e-mail communication beforehand to suss a client out.

EDIT: Steele posted before I'd submitted this, otherwise I'd have QFT'd! She's spot on.

SabrinaYork

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Re: so worried about being attacked
« Reply #7 on: 28 November 2011, 11:33:20 am »

Re. Sabrina's tip about not charging low prices - unfortunately that is true. It's not because clients without much money are more likely to be problem clients, they're not. I charge very low rates and I have some amazing, respectful clients who never give me any trouble who earn very little money. I think low rates attract nutters because they may be really unselective, they're not respectful and so they don't care about personality or the quality of your service (or even services offered because they intend to push your boundaries), and so they may well just go for whoever's cheapest. I've found that whenever I do special offers I have a lot more trouble makers. There are a lot of upsides to offering lower rates - you tend to make more overall, and clients often have reduced expectations which means they're not out to nitpick (a lot of mine are really happy I'm even the girl in the pictures and do everything I claim to!). But it is definitely something to consider from a safety point of view.

Hi
I did not mean to imply that those with less money are all problem clients.
Just those that are attracted to bargain prices are sometimes those that select on price alone and not seeing the girl as a person.
Thought about offering NURU Massage??

strawberry

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Re: so worried about being attacked
« Reply #8 on: 28 November 2011, 01:06:59 pm »

Re. Sabrina's tip about not charging low prices - unfortunately that is true. It's not because clients without much money are more likely to be problem clients, they're not. I charge very low rates and I have some amazing, respectful clients who never give me any trouble who earn very little money. I think low rates attract nutters because they may be really unselective, they're not respectful and so they don't care about personality or the quality of your service (or even services offered because they intend to push your boundaries), and so they may well just go for whoever's cheapest. I've found that whenever I do special offers I have a lot more trouble makers. There are a lot of upsides to offering lower rates - you tend to make more overall, and clients often have reduced expectations which means they're not out to nitpick (a lot of mine are really happy I'm even the girl in the pictures and do everything I claim to!). But it is definitely something to consider from a safety point of view.

Hi
I did not mean to imply that those with less money are all problem clients.
Just those that are attracted to bargain prices are sometimes those that select on price alone and not seeing the girl as a person.

Yep, when I ran a special offer last January I met some really nice guys who usually simply could not afford to see me. Aside from this though I have found that those who ask me to accept a lot less, or extend discount to shorter bookings on the whole have gone on to be trouble, behave badly and generally be very demanding.

I think it all depends how on your approach. If someone really wants to attack you I don't think price is actually relevant at all.

What you can do is make sure you are prepared, have a plan so you can deal with it - both at the time and in the aftermath if something does happen.
« Last Edit: 28 November 2011, 01:09:47 pm by strawberry »

River

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Re: so worried about being attacked
« Reply #9 on: 29 November 2011, 12:27:17 am »
only reveal your exact address a few hours before the booking
Eeek!   :o
Most escorts on SAAFE, only give a postcode, for a nearby road.
Often those types then talk about turning up at some vague point.
and the fear is that they would visit without an appointment.

Secondly, it's always a good idea {if this is possible from your work place
to see them as they turn up, make sure they are alone.
Giving your address in advance, could result in a "friend or three"
steaming in behind them.
A lot of trans escorts are currently being attacked in central and west london
in this way.
Last report I heard was that this gang had started to target bio-women too.
(I can post a link if that's within SAAFE rules)
« Last Edit: 23 January 2017, 07:20:14 pm by River »

amy

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Re: so worried about being attacked
« Reply #10 on: 29 November 2011, 12:45:28 am »
only reveal your exact address a few hours before the booking
Eeek!   :o
I would never do that.
Along with most escorts on SAAFE, I only give a postcode.
(In my case a postcode for a nearby road)
I get a lot asking for my address but my concerns are twofold.

Often those types then talk about turning up at some vague point.
and I fear they would visit without an appointment.

Secondly, I always want to see them, make sure they are alone.
I fear that giving my address in advance, could result in a "friend or three"
steaming in behind them.

Me too - they get the postcode for a nearby landmark where they can park and I can see them. Even if they're arriving on foot, I still don't give any directions until they are where they are supposed to be, no matter what they say when they phone (I don't tell them I can see them and I don't honestly know whether they realise or not).

A lot of trans escorts are currently being attacked in central and west london
in this way.
Last report I heard was that this gang had started to target bio-women too.
(I can post a link if that's within SAAFE rules)

Jodie, if you have information about any attacks on sex workers no matter what their gender, please post a warning - even a link to another report is better than nothing and hopefully word will get round that little bit faster. There's always the possibility then that somebody will see and add to it too :).

Miaken

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Re: so worried about being attacked
« Reply #11 on: 29 November 2011, 12:48:28 am »
Ah, you are of course right, JodieT - by 'full' address I actually meant to say the full address as you reveal it to the client, as opposed to just the town that you live since they obv need to know a 'general' area before booking for travel. I originally wrote that line as "only reveal your address a few hours before" but then worried that might have sounded like I meant not revealing what town you work in so I chucked the word "exact" in and it had the opposite effect haha. Sorry for the confusion :)

Steele

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Re: so worried about being attacked
« Reply #12 on: 29 November 2011, 09:05:17 am »
only reveal your exact address a few hours before the booking

Often those types then talk about turning up at some vague point.
and I fear they would visit without an appointment.

Secondly, I always want to see them, make sure they are alone.
I fear that giving my address in advance, could result in a "friend or three"
steaming in behind them.

I'm not saying giving out full address is a good idea, but I've always done it (2 years working) and it's never been an issue. The clients I've had problems with have all been ones who I would have directed to the flat once they arrived as the problems didn't start until during the session. I've never had anyone bring a friend actually into the flat (one had a friend wait in his car which was obviously very indiscreet and so I've not seen him again but again, based on what I would have been able to see from the window I would have directed him to the flat if he hadn't had the address). I can see most of the way down the stairs of the block from my door so if I saw more than one person coming up I would have time to shut the door before they got there.

So far, amazingly, I've never had a client show up at a random time. I've had one who had an appointment, didn't turn up, I sent him a text letting him know he was too late and it was cancelled and 40mins later he arrived! But he called to tell me he was there anyway, he at least had the sense to realise that I probably wasn't expecting him (and no, I didn't see him - I was in my jammies cooking tea by that point!). Not giving out full address wouldn't necessarily stop random 'walk in' attempts, anyone you've seen before can try this one, and so far in 2 years of working I've never had a single problem that I can see was caused  by giving out my address.

Thing is if I didn't give out my address I don't think many of my clients would be able to find me. My flat is really really difficult to find even WITH a full address and a satnav due to the way door numbers and street names work around this area, and I usually end up having to give directions from nearby (or not so nearby) anyway. I really don't want to confuse the situation further and have clients end up lost and either turning up late or giving up and going home.

I don't give out the address until a client makes a proper appointment - if they just want to see me 'at some point' they won't get it - and not until the actual day, if they book in advance they have to call or text to confirm and get the address. By that point I've done all my screening I'm going to do so in theory they should all be trustworthy and well behaved! Of course there's always the odd nutter who slips through screening but thing is, anyone could follow you home from the shops and get your address that way, you know? Life isn't risk free and this is the way I've found of working that works for me :) I'm not saying giving out your full address is the best way, it's not the safest, but it's not as chaotic and dangerous as some ladies assume it would be :P
Previously known as Krystal Champagne

strawberry

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Re: so worried about being attacked
« Reply #13 on: 29 November 2011, 09:28:06 am »
The handful of times that for one reason or another I have given my address out upfront, I have mostly had problems. Things like guys not asking for directions, wandering off to the other end of town thinking that's where I am, or getting lost and giving up. Think of it this way, guy runs slightly late or is slightly nervous if he gets it wrong/get's lost he's going to feel embarassed and it might be the last straw for him, and/or he might think the girl is mucking him around if it's not a straightforward address. On other of these few occasions I've had a guy turn up 20 minutes early, and another few perform 'reccie' runs either a few days or a few hours earlier - right up to the front door. Not very good for discretion.

Out of probably 8 times of trying this over several years, I've only had two arrive without problems. I dread to think what would happen if this was the norm.

I do look out of the window/spyhole before letting anyone in these days, and want to be sure it's the person who has made the booking (for quite obvious reasons!).

EmilyJones

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Re: so worried about being attacked
« Reply #14 on: 29 November 2011, 09:42:09 am »
Life isn't risk free and this is the way I've found of working that works for me :) I'm not saying giving out your full address is the best way, it's not the safest, but it's not as chaotic and dangerous as some ladies assume it would be :P

I totally agree with your logic here - withholding an address til the last minute won't protect you if some random absolute nutcase decides he will do whatever it takes to hurt you; he probably won't find following directions from a nearby landmark much of a deterrent! And as you say, that nutcase is probably just as likely (or more likely, even, if you look at statistics?) to be an ex-boyfriend or someone who really knows you, so they'll have your address (or will stalk you first) anyway.

However, I would argue that the point of withholding the address until the last possible minute is actually to create a faff where one doesn't need to be. It's the same as (in my case) requiring a 9am confirmation call for all appointments. Does speaking to a man at 9am enable you to immediately know for 100% certain whether or not he's a total psychopath? Unfortunately not. But does it tell you that he values and respects your rules and your time and your safety? To a certain extent, yes. So again, you're not going to weed out the true psychopath who is able to fool anyone into believing he's a normal person until the last minute when things turn into a horror movie, but how many of those actually exist? An escort generally just needs to protect herself from idiots, chancers and the most common type of criminal, the "If I Reckon I Can Get Away With This, I'll Try It" type.

Your on-site security obviously deals with those far better than anything else, so I envy you having an arrangement like that. :) But I use security calls to a friend who knows where I am and when I should be finished (cos I call or text again at the end) to hopefully provide a similar protection from anyone who might have evil plans but who isn't going to carry them out if he discovers that you're not alone, so definitely recommend having a safety buddy to the OP. Also, I usually take just one appointment a day, or sometimes a lunchtime one and an 'after-work' one or whatever, so I can afford to spend a few minutes directing a client to my incall place on the phone. Working at a higher volume with on-site security is obviously going to mean those minutes would just be unnecessarily wasted.

Another thing in favour of not giving out a full address at any point is the way the human brain works, particularly short-term memory. An 'aroused' (in psychology terms! ;D i.e. nervous, excited) person will struggle to retain auditory information while simultaneously navigating an unfamiliar environment. Okay, I don't know if there's a study been done that's precisely like that, but the formal research that does exist supports my personal investigations! My clients can never remember the very simple directions to my incall on the second or even third visits (possibly excepting the ones who are already vary familiar with this part of Central London) cos there's too much sensory information and mental activity going on simultaneously to allow much memory storage to happen, which is frankly brilliant. They always have to call me again when they visit again, which might not really mean that much in the grand scheme but it's a factor that makes me feel a bit better than, say, them having my full address in their punting phone which they could leave at the office or their wife could find.
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