so iv just had a booking with this young man (25) and when he didn't open his mouth he was quite pleasant and he said 'il have sex and oral protected please' I said ok (sex is protected regardless if they want otherwise or not) so as I was putting the condom on for oral he says 'if I saw you in a club we wouldn't be using a condom for oral but because you do what you do' I just looked at him thinking what to say for a sec, then said 'you do know sex workers get orally swabbed each month' He seems rather taken aback and just said oh really 

Text message from a client:

'You truly are a magnificent masseuse! Probably the best I have ever met.
I would like to converse with you by email as I feel you are such a special person.
Please drop me an email on... '

I mean, do I really look so miserable that someone might think that if they tell me I'm special I will become their pen pal?! 

I think I'd have to reply to that with "We've never met, love. And now we never will."

Young Asian lad. Arrives in the room and says "I love MILFs!" Fair enough, that's how I advertise.

2 mins later, "You look really like my mum!" (I'm white)

2 mins after that, "I love incest!"

 

A much older guy I've seen on a number of occasions messaging me to say goodbye as I'm leaving this week.  Nice message. Then proceeds to say he would liked to take me out for a meal, and if I'd wanted to take him home with me after the meal for some sex then he would have happily obliged.  Why would I take time out of work, to go out for free with some guy more than old enough to be my grandad, then take him home for free sex afterwards...was in such shock I just ignored the message.  Some of these guys really let themselves down with this stuff.  Shame because he was a nice guy but seriously deluded if he thought I was really going to take him up on that.

I'd say at least 60% of guys that pay for sex are deluded!!

Him: ?I?m into some really kinky shit, like.?

Me: ?oh yeah??

Him: ?Yeah, I really want you to use me like a toilet roll..?

 

I'd open the door to him eating an enormous bacon sandwich!

With a generous slathering of garlic sauce 

.

~Knickers story~

Last evening - client discusses in detail knickers I will be wearing for the booking today. Emphasis on 'in detail'.

3am - client texts me asking about the knickers.

8.30am - client sends a link asking if the knickers look like this.

9.20am - client wants to meet earlier. I reply - I can't make it earlier. Client asks what knickers will I be wearing.
I say we discussed it yesterday. Client asks for a picture of the knickers. I say I don't have a picture.
He says that he wonders how the knickers look like. I ignore and think about the money.
Client sends me a photo of knickers and asks if they look like this.
No. I can't take it anymore. I text that it's annoying and I cancel.
Client replies - 'Are you serious??'

Epilogue:
I grief loosing the money and consider adding Jack Daniels to my morning coffee.
Client - still texts 'So??'. Presumably wanks over pictures of knickers.