You are right Penny, I have realised that there is no point in pushing myself, eventhough there seems to be so much still to sort out, if I'm having a 'numb' unproductive day I just let it happen and get back to it when I feel able to.
What has shocked and dismayed me is that I always believed that I would somehow feel my mum's presence around me after she died, but I don't, she is completely gone, only alive in my memories.
But I am blessed to be surrounded by so many great people, friends at home, my mum's friends in Scotland you guys on here. I can feel the love and genuine care that you are showing me and it helps so much.
Thanks. xx