This little gem in my inbox today - I am so charmed my bags are packed and I am looking for my wedding dress!!!

Hi my name is thomas.
 
You are sweet andt beatfuld lady with heart to feelings fuld out dear in leif.
 
Like to meet you four funther,leif andt
marrigiet.You mans sweets heart andt dream to lelving with.Will us the best to old time say that with heart andt feelings.Has many thinks to giving you andt us in leif.
 
Ay will be nice,sweet andt good over from you,some say dear.
 
Accept you andt your works,also forward beetween us.
 
Clear to be andt stay your good husbundt so soon you say yes.We has old to wind dearlig beatfuld sweet darling.P.S.Hope soon has a mail from you with your ansher.Good day to you andt your heat.
 
Best rengrats.

WTH???  what the hell is that lol...it's not a google translate job, so what is it?  Having finally deciphered it, I can see why you're heat's all a flutterd! lmao

Just has this text message come through....

 " PRICE ? "
 

Lol men are idiots sometimes x

My rate is 150/hr...or 100/half hour...

Last week by text: "Hi how are you? I am a single dad and can't afford that much could you see me for an hour for 70 x thanks"

And most days: "u free babe?" or just "whats ur address?" from complete strangers... I HATE being called babe by unknown punters... and oh yeah, of course, I totally just send my address to random unidentified texters, lol!

OMG give me his number please .................NOT!!

This text arrived last nite at around half 9 and if I hadn't had a boil on my ass to squeeze I would have gone 
"I've got xxx quid here with your name on if you can come to xxxxxxx ( approx 30 miles away) tonight, I have previously told this fool that I need notice for an outcall to him that far away and it will be 50 quid higher than what he said as I have to cover travelling expenses!!

AND

" xx for hour outcall (30 quid lower than my rate) I replied "that is my incall rate" he replied " I know but I pay you that for outcall yes?" errrr no !!

How's a girl to resist this lovely gents offer? 

Hello

I have a mutually beneficial proposal

I can provide rent free accomodation to someone who is willing to help in light household work

Accomodation will be completetely free and you will get 24hr internet

So if you require a place to live then please get in touch

I am 32 yrs old and live with my partner and 2 kids in a very nice 2 bedroom apartment

Thanks

How's a girl to resist this lovely gents offer? 

Hello

I have a mutually beneficial proposal

I can provide rent free accomodation to someone who is willing to help in light household work

Accomodation will be completetely free and you will get 24hr internet

So if you require a place to live then please get in touch

I am 32 yrs old and live with my partner and 2 kids in a very nice 2 bedroom apartment

Thanks

Two bed apartment with him, his partner and 2 kids... So where would you be sleeping exactly??! Lol.

I had a lovely email this morning:

Hello,
I am Engineer Patrick J***** from UK..little about me.I am from Dublin,
Ireland but I was raise in Liverpool United Kingdom..I take medical
check up seriously with a great personalty.I will need you on my tour
to Africa on the 5th of August and i will be there for 8 days,I
will need you to escort me to Africa in Nigeria republic.just check
your ads out and found you so cool and decided pick you.Please mail me
back if you want to go with me. i am ready to offer you a good
sum.Hope 2500 pounds per day for one week (8days) is that okay? and
upfront will be paid to you even before you leave your state. All
necessary document will be arranged, so feel free to get back to me
asap only if you are willing to go with me.
Looking forward to hear back from you.Please do get back to me asap
because of other things at hand because am always busy and travels
alots.lol. I hope you can give me a maximum massages and a good
escorting service and lots! guess i will enjoy your service! Get back
to me as soon as possible to my email address at
p******j*******@gmail.com. if you know you are interested.



.....Beaut that one pal!

I had a lovely email this morning:

Hello,
I am Engineer Patrick J***** from UK..little about me.I am from Dublin,
Ireland but I was raise in Liverpool United Kingdom..I take medical
check up seriously with a great personalty.I will need you on my tour
to Africa on the 5th of August and i will be there for 8 days,I
will need you to escort me to Africa in Nigeria republic.just check
your ads out and found you so cool and decided pick you.Please mail me
back if you want to go with me. i am ready to offer you a good
sum.Hope 2500 pounds per day for one week (8days) is that okay? and
upfront will be paid to you even before you leave your state. All
necessary document will be arranged, so feel free to get back to me
asap only if you are willing to go with me.
Looking forward to hear back from you.Please do get back to me asap
because of other things at hand because am always busy and travels
alots.lol. I hope you can give me a maximum massages and a good
escorting service and lots! guess i will enjoy your service! Get back
to me as soon as possible to my email address at
p******j*******@gmail.com. if you know you are interested.



.....Beaut that one pal!

I had one VERY similar to this but not via AW....it must be doing the rounds.