'Hi Mistress,

 I am 29yo, 180cm, 78kg, bluish eyes, blond hair.  I am looking for strict Mistress, I am into strict discipline, obedience, humiliation etc. If my no experience is not problem, I would like to have session with you. I know your rates are much higher but could I have initially something very simple like foot worship for lets say ?50 please ?


Thank you
cheap loser'

erm, I think I can see the 'logic' he is following here, but NO...you don't even get a reply for that price.

There's a similiar humiliation type guy around, who texts me, asking me out to dinner but only if I wear 'very slutty' and 'trashy' clothes. Idiot.

Been so quiet this week I could cry, not had a single booking! Very few calls, and mainly enquiries, had this one today:

Cheapskate: Hi, I was wondering if you were working today?
Me: Yes I am, what time did you have in mind?
CS: Soon. Just to clarify, it's ?60 for 30 mins?
Me: No, it's ?80.
CS: Oh. (hangs up)

FFS!

Has anyone had the bloke who wants to meet in the countryside with you on a horse email? No sex, just a brief meeting for as much money as you want?

Pure entertainment, I replied with "nice idea, but I don't have a horse" just for giggles and left it there but he kept coming back with more suggestions: none of which got a response but did make me smile. He then wanted to meet in a tack room, or bring a horse box, or just a saddle will do. Brilliant. All in my first week as well.

Ha ha ha, this is funny and reminds me of something that happened when I was about 18. I used to work with horses and the local authority carry out inspections to make sure you're not using horses that are lame or anything else untoward. So this had taken place several days previously when the phone rang with a potential new riding pupil wanting some lessons or to go out on a ride. He asks various questions then "Have you been inspected?". Yes - I said (thinking god, he's on the ball about equine welfare). Then he goes and spoils it all and says "yes, but have you been inspected with your jodhpurs down?" !!!!! Me and the other groom were in fits of giggles. The whole horsey thing must really do it for some people lol!!!  This could be an area I could go into, if ONLY i have a field and a stable!!

Me: sure! as long as you don't mind catching aids, Chlamydia and gonorrhea

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !!! Oooh!! Proper laughing. xx

Jodie that was poetic    x

The word "bonk" always puts me in mind of fancy aristocrats and the like, but this guy obviously isn't an aristocrat! x

idiot: hi are you free on monday?
Me: yes, text or call on monday to make a booking.
idiot: ok, thats great, would you let me try it inside you, but won't cum inside? (My profile says that I don't offer bareback under any circumstances)
Me: sure! as long as you don't mind catching aids, Chlamydia and gonorrhea.
Idiot:
I did not answer him anymore. After 5 mins:
idiot: so?
      

What an absolute moron