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Author Topic: How not to book an escort,world championships!  (Read 2599379 times)

Dionne

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1350 on: 25 July 2011, 09:26:49 pm »
If you need any help or tips or anything on here or even more clients - I
am more than happy to help

PMSL!!!

amy

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1351 on: 25 July 2011, 09:50:39 pm »

Of course I said not interested, he swore he was serious and would "inbox me now"


People who use the word 'inbox' as a verb should be set on fire. Ditto 'party'.

Friday

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1352 on: 25 July 2011, 09:53:03 pm »
People who use the word 'inbox' as a verb should be set on fire. Ditto 'party'.

I agree.. along with those that ask if im "hot"  ::)

Sweet-Pleasure

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1353 on: 25 July 2011, 10:05:40 pm »
People who use the word 'inbox' as a verb should be set on fire. Ditto 'party'.

I agree.. along with those that ask if im "hot"  ::)

Or anyone who says "are you free?" to an escort

I tend to reply "No but I am reasonably priced"

XxX

Friday

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1354 on: 25 July 2011, 10:22:41 pm »
Or anyone who says "are you free?" to an escort

I tend to reply "No but I am reasonably priced"

XxX

ha ha

 ;D

Sweet-Pleasure

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1355 on: 25 July 2011, 10:23:41 pm »
I have an admirer called David

He got in touch with me a few times, wanting to take me out to dinner, (Cancelled 20mins before - his co-worker went into early labor and he had to cover her shift) meet for a coffee, (Cancelled an hour before - his dad had a heart attack) and to be his girl friend at an office party (Cancelled the day before - he broke his leg!).

He also booked me and my buddy for a 2 girl session and then I never heard from him again... I feared the worst, since I am obviously such a bad luck charm to him  ::)

And then:

Quote
How have you been my vision of utmost perfection. I realise that I haven't spoken to you in a while, but you still cause my heart and my cock to stir everytime I see a blonde I think of your amazing body, and gorgeous face. Would you be willing to come to my place and have a pajama party? I'm Goodlongnhard on adultwork, I'm Jack Daniels, my number is 078384195xx

Many thanks,

Jack

Quote
Hi Jack/David ;D
 
I'm very well thanks, yourself?

Hope your dad is feeling better too!
 
Sure a pj party sounds fun but I hope your leg is suitably recovered for us to have a good time, I'm available all week from 9am to 10pm.
 
My evening outcall rate is ?120 per hour within Newcastle and ?150 per hour to the rest of the North East. Discounts are available for bookings over 2 hours.
 
Hope to hear from you soon
 
J
 
XxX

Strangely enough he hasn't replied yet... unless the gods are angry with him for contacting me and sent a plague of locusts!

Ellie_e

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1356 on: 25 July 2011, 11:51:32 pm »
My favourite one of the week!

potential client: can you speak Arabic?
me: unfortunately not, I am only half Persian
potential client: oh, ok, I thought you were an arabic so approached you.  Do you eat pork? As engligh ladies eat pork I dont go near to them

Hookers that eat pork or drink alcohol - filthy and evil, don't go near them or you will be contaminated!!
Hookers that are Halal - thumbs up, Allah approves!

FML!

LMAO...I'm Muslim...well not any more but was and have a lot of Muslim clients and that is a question I'm often asked....since being out of Islam do I eat pork? It's ok if I drink, smoke, do everything going sexually.....but for Allah's sake don't eat the pork!!!!

I just lie and say I still don't eat pork, while chomping on my bacon butty! lmao

Coty xxx

I was tempted to say "don't worry darling, the only sausage I eat is cock!"...haha!

Dionne

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1357 on: 26 July 2011, 11:39:07 am »
I have an admirer called David

He got in touch with me a few times, wanting to take me out to dinner, (Cancelled 20mins before - his co-worker went into early labor and he had to cover her shift) meet for a coffee, (Cancelled an hour before - his dad had a heart attack) and to be his girl friend at an office party (Cancelled the day before - he broke his leg!).

He also booked me and my buddy for a 2 girl session and then I never heard from him again... I feared the worst, since I am obviously such a bad luck charm to him  ::)

And then:

Quote
How have you been my vision of utmost perfection. I realise that I haven't spoken to you in a while, but you still cause my heart and my cock to stir everytime I see a blonde I think of your amazing body, and gorgeous face. Would you be willing to come to my place and have a pajama party? I'm Goodlongnhard on adultwork, I'm Jack Daniels, my number is 078384195xx

Many thanks,

Jack

Quote
Hi Jack/David ;D
 
I'm very well thanks, yourself?

Hope your dad is feeling better too!
 
Sure a pj party sounds fun but I hope your leg is suitably recovered for us to have a good time, I'm available all week from 9am to 10pm.
 
My evening outcall rate is ?120 per hour within Newcastle and ?150 per hour to the rest of the North East. Discounts are available for bookings over 2 hours.
 
Hope to hear from you soon
 
J
 
XxX

I have a guy like this, used to constant text me silly questions, didnt hear from him for a few months then he started texting again. My first reply to him started 'Hi Dan' to which he replied 'why are you calling me Dan?'. I said because you've text me before asking me all of the same questions and your name came up next to this message' He then said 'Oh sorry, I didnt realise I'd message you before.
TWAT you obviously had no intention of booking me then or now so please just piss off!! (I didnt send that to him but I was very tempted!!

Strangely enough he hasn't replied yet... unless the gods are angry with him for contacting me and sent a plague of locusts!

Sweet-Pleasure

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1358 on: 26 July 2011, 12:54:30 pm »

I have a guy like this, used to constant text me silly questions, didnt hear from him for a few months then he started texting again. My first reply to him started 'Hi Dan' to which he replied 'why are you calling me Dan?'. I said because you've text me before asking me all of the same questions and your name came up next to this message' He then said 'Oh sorry, I didnt realise I'd message you before.
TWAT you obviously had no intention of booking me then or now so please just piss off!! (I didnt send that to him but I was very tempted!!


Yeah I've had a lot of long text convos (70texts from one guy since Friday, thanks for counting HTC!)

I've said things like "I'm turning my phone off for bed now, but let me know when you would like to meet" and he just says "OK hun, sleep tight!"

I don't want to say "Sod off unless you're making a booking!" but I can't be bothered with all the texting.

Can you imagine calling a posh restaurant and speaking to the ma?tre d? -

"Hi your menu looks amazing!"
"Thank you sir, we have a reservation policy, would you like to make a reservation?"
"Yes! I hear your window tables have lovely views!"
"Yes sir, overlooking the river. We have a table available at 7.30 this evening"
"I wasn't looking for a table tonight. Do you still serve venison even though it's out of season?"
"No Sir, I'm afraid we don't, we do have a duck specialty however"
"Sounds great! Do you accept cheques?"
"No Sir, only cash"
"And do you add a tip? Or is that optional?"
"That's at the discretion of the diner sir, when would you like to make a reservation for?"
"I have to go, will call back later"
"... "

2 weeks later

"Hi! I would like a table on the roof for 4am, party of 16!"
*The ma?tre d? hangs up, sets fire to the phone and throws it out of the window*

Dionne

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1359 on: 26 July 2011, 05:57:35 pm »
Call received this morning "are you actually in London or on the outskirts?"
Me "I'm in Gloucester?!"
Him "oh ok, when are you coming back to London?"
Me "I've never working in London and dont intend to any time soon"
Him "oh" *hangs up*

Does the 'back' in "when are you coming back to London" imply that I have worked there at some point??



But I havent ???

tastylass

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1360 on: 26 July 2011, 07:50:10 pm »
guy comes into my freechat claiming to have a ?2500 deal for me

Of course I said not interested, he swore he was serious and would "inbox me now"

(In the title he put ?2000 deal! I'd already lost ?500 oh noooo!  :o)

"here is the deal. i want you to stand as a partner to my friend so that he can be given a permanent stay here in the uk.

He is presently on a student visa studying at the university.he intended to open up a business for himself here but could not due to his visa restrictions(as international student are not allowed to run a business)

So he needs you in order to change his status. if u could be of help the reward will greater.cheers
"

ha ha ha Even more hilarious as I am already married! Genius!

Actually, what is the going rate for sham marriages these days? Not for me, but it might be a good response to the occasional 'I need money now - I'll do anything' plea we here around these parts.

Kiko

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1361 on: 27 July 2011, 01:26:04 pm »
Oh no! Its this same guy from earlier but he's altered it a little...

"Hi honey,

After looking at your profile, i strongly belive that you need a personal website!

With the olympics games coming, set a standard for yourself, let your customers know that you serious in the business.

I can do it for you and you can pay me either by cash or by sex. I charge just ?200 to do a very nice website!

Pls let me know!"



Um... Olympics? What the...?  ???
I am not selling sex! I'm selling condoms with free demonstration!

1Lilly1

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1362 on: 27 July 2011, 01:32:17 pm »
Oh no! Its this same guy from earlier but he's altered it a little...

"Hi honey,

After looking at your profile, i strongly belive that you need a personal website!

With the olympics games coming, set a standard for yourself, let your customers know that you serious in the business.

I can do it for you and you can pay me either by cash or by sex. I charge just ?200 to do a very nice website!

Pls let me know!"



Um... Olympics? What the...?  ???

Hahaha! This tickled me  :)

Kiko

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1363 on: 27 July 2011, 01:35:55 pm »
My response to that had to be more creative than my last... So heres what i replied with...

"After looking at your profile, i strongly believe that you need a new hobby!

With the full moon coming, set a standard for yourself and let escorts know that you're serious in the business.

I can do it for you and you can pay me either by cash or by donating a few organs to Akbur, my local butcher. I charge just ?200 to do a very nice death certificate!

Pls let me know!"

 ;D
I am not selling sex! I'm selling condoms with free demonstration!

Friday

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1364 on: 27 July 2011, 01:47:32 pm »
My response to that had to be more creative than my last... So heres what i replied with...

"After looking at your profile, i strongly believe that you need a new hobby!

With the full moon coming, set a standard for yourself and let escorts know that you're serious in the business.

I can do it for you and you can pay me either by cash or by donating a few organs to Akbur, my local butcher. I charge just ?200 to do a very nice death certificate!

Pls let me know!"

 ;D

ha ha thats awesome! I hope he emails me now so I can have a go! lol