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Author Topic: How not to book an escort,world championships!  (Read 2600342 times)

Kiko

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1170 on: 16 June 2011, 05:34:01 pm »
Quote
hi hun

i have a proposal for you

i live in a 2BR very spacious clean and modern flat in london sutton zone 5

i have a very nice spare room that i can give you to live in completely free in exchange for intimacy. this means u do not pay any rent or utility bills or grocery etc. moreover i can cook nice indian curry dishes for you too

you will live in completely free and with full freedom. u can continue doing outcalls

i am 32 years, settled professionally. i prefer to keep our relation discreet

let me know if this interests you. this is a very genuine proposal and only serious replies please

Indian curry dishes cooked just for ME? I think we have a winner here  ::)

I NEVER GOT AN OFFER FOR INDIAN CURRY DISHES!!!!!

 :'(

Neither did i :(
Lets find out where he lives and then protest!
I am not selling sex! I'm selling condoms with free demonstration!

Kitty_of_Herts

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1171 on: 16 June 2011, 05:38:38 pm »
I haven't had one of these in ages. *sobs* ...But maybe he'll ask me again soon and offer to throw in a foot massage or something? I live in hope. ;D

And really, if he offered rent-free living with incalls allowed, he'd probably get way more interest! But perhaps he ironically thinks other punters are less amazing than him. Har.

Perhaps? I don't think he's the only one it applies to...
If I had a pound for every time a client asked me out because he thought we'd "clicked"... I'd probably hang my stockings up for a good while! Bless their cotton socks. They are all beautiful and unique little snowflakes  ;)


& Don't worry girls. When I live in his house, totally RENT FREE (aside from the odd BJ & fuck of course), I'll invite you all round for a dinner party and he can cook every single one of us. Mwahahaha!

Coty

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1172 on: 16 June 2011, 07:25:53 pm »
Woo hooo, was beginning to feel left out, but I just got it too...and I get curry! I feel special and told him so too! lmao

Coty xxx

River

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1173 on: 16 June 2011, 08:21:28 pm »
Firm appointment booked.
15 minutes after appointment time, I phone...Goes to a/phone, so I left a polite message.
2 minutes later:

  • Wanking Michael of Potters Bar-Hi. I've not left yet. I'm leaving in 20 minutes. The thing is that I cum really quickly. So I thought I'd have a wank before I visit. Don't worry though, I'm wanking right now
  • mE-Bye
Phone rings
  • Wanking Michael of Potters Bar- Its Michael. I'll be over soon. Can you just talk to me while I wank?
  • mE-Bye
Phone rings
  • Wanking Michael of Potters Bar-/no, / you don't have to talk dirty, just talk normally, while I wank
  • mE-Ok. (speaks slooowly) Michael,   -you - are - now - on - my - Blocked list  Byyyyeeee.
Wanking Michael of Potters Bar holds his now-silent mobile phone in one hand
and a rapidly drooping willy in the other.
« Last Edit: 23 January 2017, 09:37:55 pm by River »

merrymary

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    • www.marycooperdevine.com
Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #1174 on: 16 June 2011, 09:26:38 pm »
    • Jodie-Ok. (speaks slooowly) Michael,   -you - are - now - on - my - Blocked list  Byyyyeeee.
    Wanking Michael of Potters Bar holds his now-silent mobile phone in one hand
    and a rapidly drooping willy in the other.

     ;D

    Coty

    • Guest
    Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
    « Reply #1175 on: 17 June 2011, 06:16:32 am »
    Wanking Michael of Potters Bar holds his now-silent mobile phone in one hand
    and a rapidly drooping willy in the other.

    LMAO
    You always crack me up Jodie.

    Coty XXX

    Dionne

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    Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
    « Reply #1176 on: 17 June 2011, 01:32:54 pm »
    Today's not a good day :(

    "Hey bbe x I have 2 requests if you can do them I will pay the extra.

    I would like to book you for a few hours and cum into a glass and when it gets full watch you drink it all but I would lime to have my dick in you.when you do.x

    The other request I have an older gentelman friend and we like to tuck girls together he is 78 and I am 24 he wants you to.suck his cock and for him to be allowed to suck your tits and while he is doing that I want to fuck you xxx

    If you CAn do.this we will pay the extra xxx

    Thanks bbe x"

    I don't do oral without, come in mouth or swallowing but yes I would like to drink a glass of spunk -_-

    River

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    Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
    « Reply #1177 on: 17 June 2011, 02:53:27 pm »
    Hi it is your friday boyfriend
    here how r u today. Xxx

    Thanks for the laugh.
    BLOCKED!
    « Last Edit: 23 January 2017, 04:24:15 pm by River »

    LouLou37

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    Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
    « Reply #1178 on: 17 June 2011, 09:43:12 pm »
    Got a text this morning - "Hi could you tell me your rates and where you are based please?"

    So far, so normal.

    I text back - "Hi there my rates are {rates} and I'm in {small area of town}. I'm free today from 10.30"

    Him - "Thanks. Do you mean free in the sense of no cost?"

    bbbbbbbbbbbbwwwwwwwwwwwwhahahahahahahahaha!

    Are you kidding me?  ;D Why in God's name would I want to do it for FREE?

    It is taking haggling to another level!

    I ignored. he went on to text "I will pay ?30 for the hour if it's not free"  ;D

    and then "Think about it and lemme know"

     
    "Good things come to those who hustle" Anais Nin

    EmilyJones

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    Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
    « Reply #1179 on: 17 June 2011, 11:35:48 pm »
    I text back - "Hi there my rates are {rates} and I'm in {small area of town}. I'm free today from 10.30"

    Him - "Thanks. Do you mean free in the sense of no cost?"

    Aaahahahahahaha! That actually made me laugh out loud in real life. Definitely going in the "Hilariously Foolish Wishful Thinking" pile of anecdotes. ;D
    Disclosure: The other person behind yourescortsite.com

    amy

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    Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
    « Reply #1180 on: 18 June 2011, 12:34:33 am »
    Today's not a good day :(

    "Hey bbe x I have 2 requests if you can do them I will pay the extra.

    I would like to book you for a few hours and cum into a glass and when it gets full watch you drink it all but I would lime to have my dick in you.when you do.x

    The other request I have an older gentelman friend and we like to tuck girls together he is 78 and I am 24 he wants you to.suck his cock and for him to be allowed to suck your tits and while he is doing that I want to fuck you xxx

    If you CAn do.this we will pay the extra xxx

    Thanks bbe x"

    I don't do oral without, come in mouth or swallowing but yes I would like to drink a glass of spunk -_-


    Yep, I've just come back from a dinner date to that one  ::). Other delights from today include:

    Quote
    Hi Amy. Working in Camden tonight wondered how you feel about champagne and other (optional) party intoxicants with your AW encounters. If this appeals and you're free late tonight , please do get back to me. best wishes

    Pillock. I told him that I started at 7.30am and do not work late nights, plus since I don't even drink alcohol when I'm working I suspect he would be disappointed anyway (although not nearly as disappointed as he would be if he had the brass neck to turn up at mine with Class As and wound up in the cells).

    And people wonder why I won't take phone bookings from AW.

    Jem

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      • Jemma Fox London Escort
    Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
    « Reply #1181 on: 18 June 2011, 02:25:58 pm »
    Brilliant one LouLou37!   ::)  Got this call a few days ago from a 'gent' who could barely understand what I was saying but didnt even get the idea of coming up with a date/time etc :

    Idiot: Hello
    Me: Hello
    Idiot: Where are you?
    Me: Stockwell
    Idiot: What is address?
    Me: Why would I give you my address?
    Idiot: I need address.
    Me: Why?
    Idiot: I need sex.
    Me: That's a pity, because it doesnt look like it's going to happen for you today.  Goodbye,

    Saved as 'communication issues dont answer'.

    Rooby

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    Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
    « Reply #1182 on: 18 June 2011, 02:42:26 pm »

    Him: Yeah, what do you look like?
    Me:Did you see my pics on AW?
    Him: Yeah
    Me: I look like that.

    You should get Royalties for this one MissArcaBunny, I've used it several times already and it cracks me up every time :)

    R xx

    River

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    Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
    « Reply #1183 on: 19 June 2011, 12:48:00 pm »
    Withheld number: Hi.  I'd like to see you; do you offer bareback?
    Me Bareback anal sex?
    Withheld number: Yes please
    Me Sure, but I HAVE to tell you that I have full blown AIDS
    Withheld number: Pardon?
    Me I'm legally obliged to  inform you, as the last seven clients who had anal bareback sex with me, all died of AIDS caught from me
    Withheld number: Are you taking the piss?
    Me You started it.
    « Last Edit: 23 January 2017, 04:19:35 pm by River »

    RachelGivethBBW

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    Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
    « Reply #1184 on: 19 June 2011, 04:59:27 pm »
    *Doubles over with laughter and stores for future use*

    Cracker!!  ;D

    x