On the phone today, edited for waffle & bullshit
Twat - Please can you send me a face photo before I book?
Me - Fuck no I never do that for my security.
Twat - Oh, okay then. (Pause) Maybe we could just meet up then, like for a chat or something?
Me - You want to meet me for free? This is my business pal, pays my bills etc.
Twat - No! I didn't mean that!
Me - Right.
Twat - I mean, like for a drink or something?
Me - No.
Twat - Oh, all right then. (Pause) Can you tell me, what celebrity do you look most like?
Me - Hangs up.
In hindsight, I should have cut off after the first request.
Twat.