how do they get through life..? 

At least he'd probably ejaculate quickly!

'Frantic series of missed calls from 7am this morning then a text at 8.05am:

Him: "What time later can you come to Donny"

Me: "That depends on where in Doncaster you are, how long for and what time later are you thinking?"

Him: "As soon as...in Balby and half hour?"

Me: As it says on all of my ads my available hours are from 10am weekdays, I don't work weekends unless booked in advance, I don't do half hour outcalls."



How do these type of morons actually manage to put their socks on in the morning 

Yes, I'll suggest that. He sounds like such a classy guy! 

Think my reply would just be "Nope."

Have coffee with me... so this would be in Costa? You crawl under the table to give him oral while he uses their free wifi to "upload" this imaginary video?
No thanks, if I get barred from my local Costa I will LITERALLY DIE

Apparently a girl gave this guy my number when he hit on her!

Hi there are you ok

What time do you finish work

(I told him I work till 11 and that it was too late to arrange a booking for tonight - which apparently didn't phase him thinking I was this other girl)

So if I pick you up at 11

Do you want me to go to McDonald's on the way  (she had a lucky dodge there!)

What do you want ?

Me: I think you have the wrong number

Samantha lol

Me: No I'm not Samantha

Stop messing do you want me to pick you up or not

Fine get the bus then

Me: I don't know you and you have the wrong number. stop texting me

Last night in that bar I fell in love with you and you asked me to come and pick you up when you finish tonight do you want me to or not

Me: Sorry dude but she gave you a fake number

Really

Apparently a girl gave this guy my number when he hit on her!

Hi there are you ok

What time do you finish work

(I told him I work till 11 and that it was too late to arrange a booking for tonight - which apparently didn't phase him thinking I was this other girl)

So if I pick you up at 11

Do you want me to go to McDonald's on the way  (she had a lucky dodge there!)

What do you want ?

Me: I think you have the wrong number

Samantha lol

Me: No I'm not Samantha

Stop messing do you want me to pick you up or not

Fine get the bus then

Me: I don't know you and you have the wrong number. stop texting me

Last night in that bar I fell in love with you and you asked me to come and pick you up when you finish tonight do you want me to or not

Me: Sorry dude but she gave you a fake number

Really

That's hilarious, and yes lucky escape with the McDonald's

Guy makes booking for 5.30, gets told to confirm at 5pm.
Then ask what I mean by confirm at 5pm...so I explain clearly he needs to call at 5pm to confirm he wants to go ahead with the booking still. Immediately texts saying yes I'd love to book with you for 5.30. Then tries calling 30 minutes before confirmation time which I miss so  that's followed with a text asking if I am on x road and he's confirming.

How difficult is "5pm" to understand?

Edit- And then texts at 5pm saying he's here. I don't know how some people function at times.