Jesus!!!Gobsmacked!!
Him:Saw your advert on AW.Was looking for a whore for an hour.
Me:Sorry what did you just say?
Him:I'm after a whore can you do that for me?
Me:I wouldn't want to see anyone that refers to me as a whore.Goodnight!

Not quite a "how not to book an escort....." but one (younger) client of mine asked if I needed a f-buddy, couldn't help but laugh in his face  - he just didn't get understand what was so funny - 

I had something similar recently!  A client saw I do couple swap stuff  (me and my fianc? ) and goes
 "would you ever need someone else"?
What do you mean
To work with you
Ohhhh. .... no I only work with my fella.....

I mean... clients wanting to be paid for sex?? Hmm!!!

Would you do an outcall to me tonight? Id come to you but im on tag.
Oh lordy lord!

oh I needed that ha ha ha ha xxx

I probably should've stopped replying to this guy sooner, but it took me a moment to twig he was wanting to meet for free!

Smug git: I shall book you in for a good fuck x
(I replied that if he wanted to make a booking let me know the details)
[We had a bit of back and forth about how naughty and exciting people who look like me are]
Me: Let me know if you'd like to make a booking and we can go from there x
SG: Well you let me know if you would like a bit of excitement and a good fucking and we can go from there x
Me: It doesn't really work like that but if you'd like to meet then take a read of my profile for a better idea of what you can expect and then get back to me if you'd like to book x
SG: .same for me, but if you like excitement and am a normal girl that still needs it, click here to be excited and get a pic x (this text made me think maybe I was being spammed by one of those porn bots or something but there was no link so I was just confused)
Me: Are you are a real person? (because of the bot thing, lol!)
SG: Of course I real person that would like knows you have needs too and Wang exciting
Me: Ok, well you sound like your trying to spam me? Anyway, I'm a professional escort so although I enjoy my job I don't meet up "for fun", if you'd like to meet me then let me know the details I asked for and I'll get back to you then x
SG: Lol ok, well if you ever need excitement other then a prevy old man, you let me know and I sure you can experience some fun too x
Me: I meet plenty of lovely clients thanks so I don't have time for meeting for fun. Thanks for your interest, maybe try a swinging site or hookup site if you want to meet just for fun. x
SG: But everyone needs fun, not just for money, that's a job. I done need a hookup site,.as I can do ok without one. But your a pretty lady that still needs excitement regardless of your job.x
Me: Would you ask a builder to come work on your house for fun? I am a full time escort and this number is for sensible clients to make a booking. Please don't contact me again.
SG: (he had to get the last word of course!) Hardly the same comparison ha. Sadly I am.neither old or desperate and just wanted to add excitement in your life

That's OK random Smug Git, I don't think I'd get much excitement in my life meeting you for free.

Seem to be getting a lot of messages from kids recently saying they want to lose their virginity and they promise they are 16 and "It's legal so it's okay" saying they have the money. I'm pretty sure they are just school kids trying to get a free phone wank they never call just text and remind me I'm only a couple of years older and it's legal etc then list what they want to do to me in some cases.

I usually text back a stock reply about trying to meet a girl their own age and building a relationship which will be much better than a quick shag and to call me when they are over 25 and have a good enough job to pay for a top class hotel room.

had a heavy long nigh out with friends last night.   came home to notice the whorephone was dead so stuck it on a charge.  unfortunately for some reason (old phone mind you) it goes on when you plug it in to charge once its died.

so was sitting catching up on bette4r call saul when the phone rings.  its not abut 4am and it states on all profiles and ads i only work during the day and nowhere that i work with another escort or whatever.


caller says hi and tried to make some chit chat, despite me saying i'm not working

oh, but we are 2 lovely gentlemen looking for 2 lovely girls, can you bring a friend?

again i say i'm not working, but to call to enquire for future bookings, during my stated working hours.

oh, but we are nice and want to have fin with 2 girls

click, block phone off.

turn it on this morning when i am ready to work and pick up a text sent at arounf 4.30 (different number)
no name nothing... just  "wanna come play with me at mine now!"

urgh, not a full moon this weekend is it?

How much is 25 minutes?