"are your breasts real"
"no, they're imaginary."

 

"The Matrix is everywhere"

Quote from: O :) on 02 April 2013, 11:30:24 am

caller ..are youre breasts real?,
me, do you know what the word *natural* 34GG  bust means ?
oh ok
 are the images really you?
me .. oops dropped the phone and cut caller  off !!!!

"are your breasts real"
"no, they're imaginary."

 

I usually tell them that if they aren't then I had a really crap surgeon

Client- "Hi, is your place discreet?"
Me- "No, I have a huge red neon sign outside of my building that says: "sEX FOR PAY HERE!!"
Client- LOL!

.........

Client: "Hi, is it you the girl in the pictures?"
Me- "No, it's my next door neighbour. I just love to take the piss on her"

.................

Client: "Hi, what services do you offer?"
Me- "I'm a plumber"
Client: "Ooops, sorry...wrong number"

......

I'm surprised I'm still in business...

Got this generous offer through freeads

?20 for 30mins?x

I had one on tour, this was the phonecall-

Him- Hi id like to make a booking
Me- When and how long for honey?
Him- How long do you think ill need?
Me- Err well I dont know sweetheart, I cant tell YOU how YOU sexually perform, iv never met you and have no idea how long youll need!
Him- Ill have two hours then please
Me- (Sigh- another one thinking hes superman in bed) Ok honey
Him- You do anal dont you, is it free with the booking? (He meant not extra)
Me- I dont do anal sorry
Him- Yes you do its on your profile
Me- No it isnt
Him- Yes it is
Me- Ok im on my profile now, tell me please EXACTLY where it says I do anal (I knew it didnt say it anywhere and wanted to show him up)
Him- Right at the top of your likes list
Me- That says anal "play"
Him-Oh right, whats that then if it isnt anal?
Me- (Thinking here we go another sex chatter) Sweetheart SURELY you can differentiate between anal SEX and anal PLAY, I dont really need to tell you do I?
Him- Im not going to book you seem a bit (mumble mumble)
Me- I think youre right honey, we arent suited at all!

MY OH MY!

Voicemail I received at about 3:30AM one morning:

"Uhhh..hey..I'm uh looking for a hooker...uh wait..sorry..I didn't mean to say hooker, escort, hum, call me back please"

Pure class

Just reported a guy for spamming, as I'm sure I wasn't the only one he contacted...

message went something like:

hows u? looking good. U a fan of hung black?


 

I had a client like that, I had seen him once way back. He made a booking and didn't turn up. If they don't turn up I never contact them, it's no skin off my nose. He then made another booking and with it came question after question. Do I offer this or that service, can he do this or that even though he reckon he had read my profile. Then came the question marks when I refused to respond to his persistent texting. This went on for hours, days, weeks until he eventually gave up. The prick.

I have seen this client before and he was nice at the time but the continuous texting is a big big turn off, it makes me think that they have the potential to become a nightmare if I play their game.