SAAFE forum
General Category => Blather and Babble => Topic started by: Lushblossom on 20 September 2015, 12:06:50 pm
-
Hi ladies I was just wondering recently in what way have we found that escorting has changed us as a person? Does it make us stronger and more confident and empowered? I have certainly found this to be the case for me.
Do you think it also makes us feel we are half in something if you see what I mean so that I don't really need a relationship - as to my mind the only good points about a relationship at best ever were 1) sex 2) diy help and 3) gardening help. Luckily I have currently got a cheap handiman who does diy and gardening work for a pretty good price as his job and he is reliable too. And as for sex well we are spoilt in that department aren't we!
I think we are quite lucky in that we get a regular supply of sex, some of which is great and some of it not so great depending on their sexual prowess and what sort of sex they want e.g. if it is anal or blowjob although I enjoy those it won't be as relaxing as vaginal sex - if they are any good that is. I really do find this quite fortunate since I find sex relaxing!
Would be interested to know/learn anybody else's views?
-
Yes, I sort of agree. One of the reasons I was happy to become an escort was online dating burnout and years of meeting men who didn't want anything serious. I felt that if I was just going to have the sex, I might as well charge for it! It's made me much less inclined to bother with dating, and much pickier when I do (they have to offer pretty fantastic sex, for a start).
I've also got one client who's become a good friend and sometimes helps me with household stuff in a quid pro quo arrangement, which is great. It pains me to say it, but there is the odd time when you really need a man!
-
The only difference I've noticed would be the improvement of my social skills. I'm a very unsociable person in my personal life, and my ability to relate to people was somewhat lacking. That has changed since I started working. The job didn't impact how sociable I am in general, though, neither positively nor negatively.
-
I've become better with men in general but I have social anxiety disorder
and don't do social gatherings nowadays as prefer to be making money escorting
I don't interact well I struggle with people .
I've become more guarded and secretive and switched off to people's nonsense at work knowing I have other plans like client bookings .
Still struggling financially as work has got less at times.
I do enjoy the work when I've got lovely clients
-
For me personally, this is not at all a replacement for dating or "real life" sex. Even when the sex is good, it's work and feels like it. Even when the guy is nice, he's a client and not a boyfriend. I get into relationships for the cuddles over Netflix, and being able to ask them specifically to massage me all day in exchange for a bunch of blowjobs. Oh and the inside jokes. ;D You don't really get that mutual arrangement with clients, much less with ones that are decades older than you.
It has changed me in terms of financial independence, the insecurity and worry that was on my mind for the majority if not the entirety of my life has lessened a lot now. I still can't get over not having to constantly tally up how much I'm spending on groceries (I still do, but with much less shock in my eyes). I care a lot less about my body image and am happier with where I am and what my body looks like. I have some level of hope for the future and how self reliant I can be which can help a lot in academia in a field where if you're poor, you've got to rely on shady companies funding your research rather than having the freedom to essentially do what you want.
In a way though I guess it has also brought even more stress into my life, especially with some of the recent problems I've been having. I do constantly have a bit of "Imposter Syndrome" and feel like I don't deserve the money I'm earning and that it will end one day soon. I'm currently on a very unsuccessful tour which is partly deliberate as I've barely bothered with advertising/picking up the phone because I think I'm getting burnt out a bit.
Overall I'd say I've improved, and this job has given me a lot.
-
I think you may find that this could be an age thing, sorry to bring up age. Many of us who no longer wish for a long/longer term relationship are those who have been there and got the tshirt and no longer want the ties it brings.
I was married at the age of 19 and very happy to be married at that age. I also had my four children by the age of 28, nowadays many girls haven't found Mr Right by that time.
I was married for a long number of years and when I split from him many years later I did not feel the need to replace him. I got the sex when I wanted and could easily get jobs done in the house that needed, whether by myself or friends who were willing to help.
I've been in relationships too but not closed relationships for I just don't have the commitment that is required with monogamy ;D. My track record for sexual partners was well over average even as a teenager and only spiralled when I was working.
I never considered any clients "boyfriend" material as I just didn't see them that way.
-
It's made me a little bit emotionless I think. I just don't care about people's feelings etc anymore. And I definitely don't want a partner, I absolutely couldn't be bothered! Whereas before this I was quite needy, jealous and a lot more miserable!
-
LL, I totally agree it is likely an age thing! Also I think it depends on how much you want to be loved, which usually as you get older and more independent lessens as you become less needy.
-
Would you believe before I started Escorting I would not let anyone see me naked LOL (except ex hubby and even with him I would hide my ugly bits)
er not that I was shopping in the nudie but I wont wear a bikini
I had a few operations and have a large scar which I thought devastatingly ugly
A man persuaded me to show him my scar when I was doing massage and looked at me like I am crazy and said who the H is going to see that (it is huge, I thought he was being nice)
A few months later another man persuaded me to show him and again the "you're nuts" look
So I started wearing fewer clothes and showing off a bit
So far only 2 men have ever asked about the scar, with interest as to the operation.
I used to warn people who booked me in case my scar upset them, no one ever seemed to notice - I have very big boobies and the eyes rarely drop below that level ;D
For me confidence big time and ability to pay bills also allows confidence as does being able to pay for a social life which I never could before and would always refuse invitations too embarrassed to say I do not have money to pay for a coffee I would just say I was busy and look anti social until everyone dropped me.
Life has improved in so many ways from Escorting
-
Yes you are right Lady Lust it is definitely an age thing - since I have lived with 4 men over the years prior to having my son.
Somebody else mentioned casual sex online yes I too was giving it to all and sundry out there as that was the way I was feeling for a while and then luckily a guy mentioned on one of the dating sites that adultwork existed as a site and if I was short of money why didn't I escort. After much deliberation and pondering and breaking through the angst barrier over time I eventually got there and this is 3 years ago and now the rest is history!
Personally I find our line of work very empowering.
-
LL, I totally agree it is likely an age thing! Also I think it depends on how much you want to be loved, which usually as you get older and more independent lessens as you become less needy.
I don't think it's necessarily that we become less needy or are more independent. We have just worked guys out more and after we have tried the tshirt and found it didn't fit well that we weren't willing to put up with the crap some guys give out.
-
LL, I totally agree it is likely an age thing! Also I think it depends on how much you want to be loved, which usually as you get older and more independent lessens as you become less needy.
I don't think it's necessarily that we become less needy or are more independent. We have just worked guys out more and after we have tried the tshirt and found it didn't fit well that we weren't willing to put up with the crap some guys give out.
Nail on the head. Plus being financially secure, I don't need to take the crap a man dishes out. They are like puppies to me now, cute to look at, even cuter to play with, to be returned to their owners. I might want to own one, but do I want the commitment of having a creature around who will not change in any way other than growing bigger, eating more, pissing up trees, and humping my leg? No thanks.
-
Would you believe before I started Escorting I would not let anyone see me naked LOL (except ex hubby and even with him I would hide my ugly bits)
Life has improved in so many ways from Escorting
My body confidence improved. My ex-partner used to say my vagina lips were too big, clients found me very sexy down there ;D. I am a curvy girl and no longer care about my pot belly amongst other things.
I have been hardened. I don't suffer fools gladly and had to leave a few 'friends' who were taking advantage of me for money and time. This job made me value my time more and I don't give my time to people who only complain and want to create drama.
On the downside, I no longer believe anything a man tells me. I don't trust my partner 100 percent. I find text messages on his phone and I always think he is seeing his ex again or sleeping around when I'm working.
-
Yes it has made me stronger mentally and a lot more independent, I suffer from clinical depression unfortunately and I have my bad days but overall this industry has been a lifesaver to me and has taught me so much about myself and my abilities as an independent woman.
Obviously I have had a few bumps in the road with fellow wg's, robbed by clients, threatened, raided, had the SS visit me as a single mother but I doubt i would have been able to deal with any of it if it was not for everything I also learnt and got from the industry.
You take and give to this industry what you want, nobody does it for you, you can make it a good experience or you can make it a bad one.
One thing I have learnt is that women are the stronger sex and men are very vulnerable.
-
Fluffy Bunny you are so bang on about men being vulnerable.
I do find 90 per cent of single men far too needy to even contemplate as a friend let alone a partner. Their neuroticisms and inability to withstand stress just does not lure me in as a potential friend or girlfriend in the slightest!
To my mind only a similarly needy female could put up with most single men out there.
That said I do have two platonic men friends one is a handy neighbour (handy for practical queries on the mobile, an occasional cup of tea and neighbourly chat etc.) and the other is a gay man friend which is a lot easier in the latter case as we know he won't ever wish to cross the line!!
-
LL, I totally agree it is likely an age thing! Also I think it depends on how much you want to be loved, which usually as you get older and more independent lessens as you become less needy.
I don't think it's necessarily that we become less needy or are more independent. We have just worked guys out more and after we have tried the tshirt and found it didn't fit well that we weren't willing to put up with the crap some guys give out.
Nail on the head. Plus being financially secure, I don't need to take the crap a man dishes out. They are like puppies to me now, cute to look at, even cuter to play with, to be returned to their owners. I might want to own one, but do I want the commitment of having a creature around who will not change in any way other than growing bigger, eating more, pissing up trees, and humping my leg? No thanks.
Lol that's brilliant! ;D loyal to whoever feeds them too.
Would you believe before I started Escorting I would not let anyone see me naked LOL (except ex hubby and even with him I would hide my ugly bits)
Life has improved in so many ways from Escorting
My body confidence improved. My ex-partner used to say my vagina lips were too big, clients found me very sexy down there ;D. I am a curvy girl and no longer care about my pot belly amongst other things.
I have been hardened. I don't suffer fools gladly and had to leave a few 'friends' who were taking advantage of me for money and time. This job made me value my time more and I don't give my time to people who only complain and want to create drama.
On the downside, I no longer believe anything a man tells me. I don't trust my partner 100 percent. I find text messages on his phone and I always think he is seeing his ex again or sleeping around when I'm working.
I'll second that. It's added to my insecurities. This job has been a real eye opener into how many cheats there are out there [a male friend says this too about men] & the difference in men's sexual needs. I find it a bit overwhelming sometimes with how many clients there are out there. I know women are lying to their Bfs too about working etc & there are female cheats so it's not just men. I look at guys in my other job & think I can read who is seeing escorts & who's a cheat. Waste of mental energy I know but it pops up when I'm bored. A little psychological Red flag, other reasons for this too. This job has made me more interested in gender differences.
-
I laugh at how innocent I used to be, Emma. I now see signs of cheating and debauchery in men, especially those in higher social positions and with money. I also look at friend's marriages and almost always know if the husband is cheating. You just know the glib way they speak and act. It's better not to know isn't it?
I'm no angel myself, I just know escorting made me see society for what it really is.
-
LL, I totally agree it is likely an age thing! Also I think it depends on how much you want to be loved, which usually as you get older and more independent lessens as you become less needy.
I don't think it's necessarily that we become less needy or are more independent. We have just worked guys out more and after we have tried the tshirt and found it didn't fit well that we weren't willing to put up with the crap some guys give out.
Nail on the head. Plus being financially secure, I don't need to take the crap a man dishes out. They are like puppies to me now, cute to look at, even cuter to play with, to be returned to their owners. I might want to own one, but do I want the commitment of having a creature around who will not change in any way other than growing bigger, eating more, pissing up trees, and humping my leg? No thanks.
Lol that's brilliant! ;D loyal to whoever feeds them too.
Would you believe before I started Escorting I would not let anyone see me naked LOL (except ex hubby and even with him I would hide my ugly bits)
Life has improved in so many ways from Escorting
My body confidence improved. My ex-partner used to say my vagina lips were too big, clients found me very sexy down there ;D. I am a curvy girl and no longer care about my pot belly amongst other things.
I have been hardened. I don't suffer fools gladly and had to leave a few 'friends' who were taking advantage of me for money and time. This job made me value my time more and I don't give my time to people who only complain and want to create drama.
On the downside, I no longer believe anything a man tells me. I don't trust my partner 100 percent. I find text messages on his phone and I always think he is seeing his ex again or sleeping around when I'm working.
I'll second that. It's added to my insecurities. This job has been a real eye opener into how many cheats there are out there [a male friend says this too about men] & the difference in men's sexual needs. I find it a bit overwhelming sometimes with how many clients there are out there. I know women are lying to their Bfs too about working etc & there are female cheats so it's not just men. I look at guys in my other job & think I can read who is seeing escorts & who's a cheat. Waste of mental energy I know but it pops up when I'm bored. A little psychological Red flag, other reasons for this too. This job has made me more interested in gender differences.
At least puppies are cute and have that new born baby smell
-
I'm no angel myself, I just know escorting made me see society for what it really is.
+1
I've become so much more sceptical of men now after being a working girl. Before I thought that cheating and affairs were not that common, now I doubt there is such thing as a man that doesn't cheat at some point in his life!!
-
I have to say I do not see physical infidelity with a wg as cheating, to me it would be hurtful if my hubby told another woman he loved her, took her out, spent money on buying her gifts. Obviously I would not want to know if he goes and sees another wg, that he needs to keep secret but it would really not bother me or be the end of my marriage if I ever find out.
i guess that is one thing this industry has taught me, men see sex as a bodily function, it does not diminish their feelings for their partners, but unfortunately women see and use sex as a way of getting love.
I do not look at my clients as cheaters or lowlifes but men who have a physical itch that needs scratching.
-
I agree with Fluffy Bunny. Some people are actually cheaters... They thrive on the drama of an affair.
Few civilian women have a clue what sex means to men.
-
I agree with Fluffy Bunny. Some people are actually cheaters... They thrive on the drama of an affair.
Few civilian women have a clue what sex means to men.
They think marrying him and offering a once a week grudging tumble is going to keep him satisfied, not a hope in hell.
-
In my experience, most men who are getting it good and regularly at home don't stray.
-
Yes you are right Lady Lust it is definitely an age thing - since I have lived with 4 men over the years prior to having my son.
Somebody else mentioned casual sex online yes I too was giving it to all and sundry out there as that was the way I was feeling for a while and then luckily a guy mentioned on one of the dating sites that adultwork existed as a site and if I was short of money why didn't I escort. After much deliberation and pondering and breaking through the angst barrier over time I eventually got there and this is 3 years ago and now the rest is history!
Personally I find our line of work very empowering.
I am in a similar boat lushblossom.. Did the marriage and kids thing and wondered why I ended up feeling so trapped and depressed (husband who had extremely low sex drive and just loved lying on the couch watching match of the day).
Then split with him and went nuts exploring sexually and loved it.. Discovered I have a talent too, and then heard about AW and thought why not earn money for something I am enjoying anyway?
I have great friends and my kids I can snuggle with, a gardener and a cleaner, and just don't feel the need for a relationship.
I am much more confident since escorting , more assertive, and am not so worried about making ends meet.
-
I'm the same as you gals. I'm more confident, better off financially,but have no faith in men now at all. I doubt I could hold down a relationship now; it's just too easy to be cheated on and not get caught and ironically, that would bother me.
I'm happy with how I look. One thing I do get peeved with is the number of clients who try to initiate a relationship. Kin'ell man, you're PAYING me to sleep with you, why the hell would I then do it for free!? I think secretly, some clients hope to be the exception. Nope. ;D
-
Escorting hasn't changed me much. I was already socially adept due to my previous job, I was a shy and awkward teenager but work taught me to be confidant with people. I would perform all day long for customers and loved being the centre of attention, which is a great asset in this line of work. I also had the balls to deal with men due to the strong women in my family. Again a good asset for escorting. Where it has changed me is how I feel about men, I now feel sorry for them and have far more understanding and empathy for thier situations. I know some tell us tall tales about thenselves but some tell partial truths and are in sad situations. It hasn't put me off men and I don't feel any less of them, some will always stray whether affairs or escorts, I have always known that. Another way I have changed is I am a bit more bolshy and don't suffer fools any more I find I am far more likely to stand my ground in a dispute. I don't like that change as I see it as a negative. I'm not always right but won't back down.
-
I don't think it's changed me much. Maybe starting in my mid 30's had something to do with it?
It's made me more cynical about men tbh though!
-
..I feel escorting has changed me in that it has given me a confidence in my body and also I am learning to assert myself in a way I haven't done before - I think my bullshit radar has become finely tuned too and I don't know if this is good or bad but I don't (or can't suffer fools gladly).
-
I think the money has probably changed me moreso than the work.
-
It has changed me but only in good ways.
I grew up with no money, and was doing 40 hour weeks in my minimum wage job barely making ends meet with nothing left over. The first time I did an outcall with my friend and had roughly a weeks wages in my hand afterwards, I could barely believe it. It's really weird now not having to worry about my bills, or rent or how I'm going to afford my food shopping. That in turn has made me more relaxed, running my own business makes me feel confident, and the extra income has helped me take care of my appearance more so I feel better too ;D
But it's also helped me see different sides to men. I used to be quite naive but not anymore. You need a finely tuned bullshit detector for this. I didn't realise how many men just want a bit of company and a bit of affection. I also didn't realise just how depraved and vile some men can be when you put your foot down and say no! Definitely opened my eyes to how many men cheat on their partners too. In agreement with other ladies on this forum maybe staying single is best...
-
I'm far less inclined to have one night stands, in fact I never do anymore, I just don't feel the desire. I get enough sex to satisfy my urges AND get paid for it too lol. I think subconsciously I've developed an air of self-righteousness where I think "I could be getting paid for that" so why would I bother. I'm fine with that though and see it as a positive, but I suppose some might say i'm jaded but to be fair I was a bit of a tart before I started escorting, so this can only be a good thing when it comes to having more self respect lol.
I would never, ever have unprotected sex again unless with somebody i'm committed to long term. Being an escort has definitely made me more health conscious in regards to my sexual health.
I'm more confident when it comes to men. I was a shrinking violet before I created my alter ego and she's done wonders for my self esteem.
I'm less na?ve when it comes to monogamy, I've seen the loveliest guys who I would have never pictured being unfaithful - cheating on their wives - so it's kind of heightened my senses when it comes to infidelity. I don't think I would trust any future boyfriend now, at least not very easily.
-
I'm far less inclined to have one night stands, in fact I never do anymore, I just don't feel the desire. I get enough sex to satisfy my urges AND get paid for it too lol. I think subconsciously I've developed an air of self-righteousness where I think "I could be getting paid for that" so why would I bother. I'm fine with that though and see it as a positive, but I suppose some might say i'm jaded but to be fair I was a bit of a tart before I started escorting, so this can only be a good thing when it comes to having more self respect lol.
I would never, ever have unprotected sex again unless with somebody i'm committed to long term. Being an escort has definitely made me more health conscious in regards to my sexual health.
I'm more confident when it comes to men. I was a shrinking violet before I created my alter ego and she's done wonders for my self esteem.
I'm less na?ve when it comes to monogamy, I've seen the loveliest guys who I would have never pictured being unfaithful - cheating on their wives - so it's kind of heightened my senses when it comes to infidelity. I don't think I would trust any future boyfriend now, at least not very easily.
The same here f buddies are out the window but paying f buddies are on always. It has made me more wary of them and don't rush getting close if date out side.
It so very easy for men to cheat even those who claim not cheating with escorts.
-
Definitely. I was a mess when I got into escorting because of being in an extremely long relationship with an NPD at the time. Escorting gave me the courage to break free and be my own person and I'm so much stronger now. I also developed a thick skin not to take shit from anyone any longer, I have so much to thank escorting for because it probably saved my life as I truly believe my then abusive partner would've killed me one day and I got away :D
I trust my husband more because of escorting as visiting all these men who see me as a commodity and an object has shown me how much my hubby loves and respects me. Any man who is getting it regularly in a relationship has no need to stray by paying for it or otherwise. It has shown me that a certain type of male pays for escorts though, more of an attitude thing rather than age as well.
-
I would never, ever have unprotected sex again unless with somebody i'm committed to long term. Being an escort has definitely made me more health conscious in regards to my sexual health.
I'm more confident when it comes to men. I was a shrinking violet before I created my alter ego and she's done wonders for my self esteem.
I'm less na?ve when it comes to monogamy, I've seen the loveliest guys who I would have never pictured being unfaithful - cheating on their wives - so it's kind of heightened my senses when it comes to infidelity. I don't think I would trust any future boyfriend now, at least not very easily.
Heightened awareness in sexual health matters is a thing I learnt. Before escorting, risky sex was the norm and expected from every man I was casually dating.
-
my work definitly change me, i more believe my self couple years ago i was "grey mouse" without self confidence ..
-
i don't believe anyone ...this work change me a lot, with "friends", guys etc...
I'm little bit keep down, with all relationships, friendships ... in the end i find all guys just want one or my money ... and girls.. i don't want attack anyone but mostly want some information, where touring, how to advertisement, in which hotel can work ... etc etc etc
I'm really honest person, ppl around me know what i do.. i did before porn.. and honesty i don't want nobody hurt, with lie and make some stories why a lot travel... and after somebody will find my ad etc etc
i love what i do .. but sometimes i wish if can be all easy like work, u have just limited time, u know when is begging and when is end... and what exactly is happen... without silly manipulations and f.... brain .....
i think give up....i have two lovely daughter, couple real friends... but I'm scared make new or try have "something serious" in my head is all time red light if u know what i mean...
somebody feel this in same way or I'm just weird?
-
Sure,it did.....
All of us lose the self confidence, the capacity of love and to trust on the other and everything for us turns temporary and without commitments
All of us! soon or later
-
Sure,it did.....
All of us lose the self confidence, the capacity of love and to trust on the other and everything for us turns temporary and without commitments
All of us! soon or later
That's a sweeping generalization to make tbh, and far from the truth.
-
Sure,it did.....
All of us lose the self confidence, the capacity of love and to trust on the other and everything for us turns temporary and without commitments
All of us! soon or later
Well that's very depressive and horrible.
I hope you find something or someone to help
you cope with feeling so damaged and negative.
Also it's not sensible to suggest we all feel the same as you.
-
Sure,it did.....
All of us lose the self confidence, the capacity of love and to trust on the other and everything for us turns temporary and without commitments
All of us! soon or later
That's a sweeping generalization to make tbh, and far from the truth.
+1
-
Sure,it did.....
All of us lose the self confidence, the capacity of love and to trust on the other and everything for us turns temporary and without commitments
All of us! soon or later
That's a sweeping generalization to make tbh, and far from the truth.
Me thinks her post "got lost in translation" (?)
(I hope).
-
Very interesting replies ladies!
-
How I've Changed.....
I trust NO ONE
I no longer frown my face at outward sexuality
I cringe when wives and gfs carry themselves like theyre sssooo much better than me
Im alot more paranoid (especially about germs and filth)
-
Sure it has relieved stress in my life as i no longer work myself into the ground while doing my day job and unpaid work in my chosen field.
I love the way it made me feel in the beginning and still do but i remember i felt so powerful. I know not alot of people earn anything like I do.
I would say it has made me a little more secretive in my private life when I date normal guys i have to think of ways of why im staying in all these fancy expensive houses.
Sometimes the draw of working for yourself has made me want to drop my career but I just remember I won't always do this just while it's good and i enjoy it!
-
It has stopped me desiring relationships since I view our men as two a penny i.e. we know we are attractive enough and sexually competent enough to keep attracting sufficient business.
I constantly feel half in a relationship and in my experience of four live in relationships they are a great deal of hassle and don't lead to everlasting happiness and bliss .....
-
Sure,it did.....
All of us lose the self confidence, the capacity of love and to trust on the other and everything for us turns temporary and without commitments
All of us! soon or later
Well I'll look out for it but the change in me since I started this well over 5 years ago has been huge. It enabled me to fix a very serious problem, which has been life changing. It's also given me my longest relationship, which has resulted in marriage. Prior to all of this I spent my life running away from relationships, getting away before I got too close.
I have found my confidence and choice of partner improved hugely as a result of being paid for sex. It also stopped me from going off on a whim.
The change in me is driven by both work, and me as a person. The whole process has been very revealing for me, and continues to be so.
-
Good for you Mirror pleased it has worked out. Becoming cynical and bitter isn't something I wish to aspire toward and this job offers plenty of positives for us, the main positive is invariably a bit more 'me' time subject to what else we need to attend to.....
-
No. I've always been a slut. Now I just get paid. Thank god for that:)
-
Difficult question for me...
I have been an escort for almost 19 years, so i don't know who i was before i started in this industry. My most informative years have been spent being a glorified hooker! :-\
-
I started fairly young and took a long hiatus. I don't know how much was just maturing as an adult and how much was due to prostitution.
However, I take very little shit from men. I remember, once, years ago throwing a one-night-stand guy out of my flat because he was pestering me for anal. "I can't cum without it." "I don't really care if you cum or not."
I do still enjoy the occasional ONS, but haven't recently. I like to be selfish and do what I want to do for me. Maybe *I* want to perve on and objectify a beautiful young body for a change. :D
I am not bitter about men and think they all cheat - I am more sympathetic if anything. I have learned that nice men can just want no-strings sex and they've figured out paying is the surest way to avoid emotional entanglements that hurt the other party or endanger their families. I also know that men can be starved for affection even if what they think of as affection is a blow job. And I've learned that men will deal with stress with sex. Like, a woman will have a terrible day and want to A) talk to a friend about their feelings, B) eat some chocolate, and C) watch Sex and the City with a bottle of wine. Men may well say "I want to drain my balls."
-
Someone I used to sleep with got in touch recently, he knows what I do and has started acting like a client (who doesn't pay), texting me shit like 'are you available'... I pointed out I get that sort of text from paying customers and he said 'I'm certainly not one of those!' but only bothers when HE wants sex... when I want it I don't hear back from him. Also despite knowing I get up early and so go to bed early he keeps texting me late at night.
This sort of thing used to bother me but wouldn't turn me off the guy completely. Now as far as I'm concerned he can pay if he wants it as he acts like a client anyway.
-
Someone I used to sleep with got in touch recently, he knows what I do and has started acting like a client (who doesn't pay), texting me shit like 'are you available'... I pointed out I get that sort of text from paying customers and he said 'I'm certainly not one of those!' but only bothers when HE wants sex... when I want it I don't hear back from him.
That's exactly the sort of crap I no longer tolerate since escorting. I've had too many 'booty call' relationships that only seemed to work in one direction!
-
Someone I used to sleep with got in touch recently, he knows what I do and has started acting like a client (who doesn't pay), texting me shit like 'are you available'... I pointed out I get that sort of text from paying customers and he said 'I'm certainly not one of those!' but only bothers when HE wants sex... when I want it I don't hear back from him.
That's exactly the sort of crap I no longer tolerate since escorting. I've had too many 'booty call' relationships that only seemed to work in one direction!
If guys in my personal life want to treat me like a whore....hey can fucking pay me like one lol ;D
-
Someone I used to sleep with got in touch recently, he knows what I do and has started acting like a client (who doesn't pay), texting me shit like 'are you available'... I pointed out I get that sort of text from paying customers and he said 'I'm certainly not one of those!' but only bothers when HE wants sex... when I want it I don't hear back from him.
That's exactly the sort of crap I no longer tolerate since escorting. I've had too many 'booty call' relationships that only seemed to work in one direction!
I got close (or thought I did) to one of my clients over a long period of him being a regular. He said he wanted to see more of me and in a relationship sense. I have taken the chance...yet nothing whatsoever has actually changed...oh, apart from him not paying that is...I feel like it is all a giant piss take and it has only taken me a couple of weeks to put a stop to it. Before I was escorting, I would probably have given him the benefit of the doubt for a while longer if he had been my fuck buddy etc and wanted things to change. I feel like my radar has been heightened. I know I am used as an escort (and compensated for this) so I certainly don't appreciate being used in a personal context anymore. In a personal context, I expect to be put first and adored x
-
For me personally, this is not at all a replacement for dating or "real life" sex. Even when the sex is good, it's work and feels like it. Even when the guy is nice, he's a client and not a boyfriend. I get into relationships for the cuddles over Netflix, and being able to ask them specifically to massage me all day in exchange for a bunch of blowjobs. Oh and the inside jokes. ;D You don't really get that mutual arrangement with clients, much less with ones that are decades older than you.
It has changed me in terms of financial independence, the insecurity and worry that was on my mind for the majority if not the entirety of my life has lessened a lot now. I still can't get over not having to constantly tally up how much I'm spending on groceries (I still do, but with much less shock in my eyes). I care a lot less about my body image and am happier with where I am and what my body looks like. I have some level of hope for the future and how self reliant I can be which can help a lot in academia in a field where if you're poor, you've got to rely on shady companies funding your research rather than having the freedom to essentially do what you want.
In a way though I guess it has also brought even more stress into my life, especially with some of the recent problems I've been having. I do constantly have a bit of "Imposter Syndrome" and feel like I don't deserve the money I'm earning and that it will end one day soon. I'm currently on a very unsuccessful tour which is partly deliberate as I've barely bothered with advertising/picking up the phone because I think I'm getting burnt out a bit.
Overall I'd say I've improved, and this job has given me a lot.
This is pretty much me exact! I don't really have a massively high sex drive. I enjoy it in a serious relationship but within this i am purely driven by the money and the opportunities it's given me. I love the feeling of going on nights out and drinking the drinks i love rather than any crap that's on offer and same when i see nice clothes ect.
It's definitely given me more body confidence. I have to admit though, lately the novelty with money ect is wearing off and i'm giving myself 2 years to save like mad and have a career plan set in place. I'm 25 years old and really want kids and a family one day so can't keep doing this forever.
-
Someone I used to sleep with got in touch recently, he knows what I do and has started acting like a client (who doesn't pay), texting me shit like 'are you available'... I pointed out I get that sort of text from paying customers and he said 'I'm certainly not one of those!' but only bothers when HE wants sex... when I want it I don't hear back from him.
That's exactly the sort of crap I no longer tolerate since escorting. I've had too many 'booty call' relationships that only seemed to work in one direction!
Yeah, I have no issue with having a fuck buddy, when it's not just one sided! I expect to get sex when I want it too. He wants to act like a paying customer, he can pay like one. Hell, customers treat me better as I won't see anyone sending random texts for sex like he does!
-
Generally I don't feel cheapened by doing the job. I feel ok about it unless I tell somebody in 'real life' shall we say and then worry what they are going to think of me, since most people just aren't streetwise enough to get it.
I have told someone I respect quite a lot in the spiritual organisation I go to but now I don't know how she perceives me. She certainly won't understand the cost of living as a single parent without family support and without an ex who actually can see his son safely without hitting.
If it wasn't for this job I seriously do think me and my son would have ended up slowly in a caravan somewhere surviving for dear life on scraps to exist from through the benefit system.
This is why I feel quite grateful to the clients generally as it is still giving us a roof over our head and food on the table.
I think from now on should I reveal my job to somebody I will make sure I only tell a fellow single parent as I can't imagine most people will get it.
Anyway don't mind me am just feeling down about my life but I will pick up again! Like I say I do feel quite grateful to most of our clients as they are giving me a form of security that otherwise I simply would not have.
-
Lushblossom:
I understand you completely. I too have been a single parent in every sense of the word i.e no support from anyone and an ex who isn't even responsible enough to offer practical support re: seeing their child. No, don't tell in general people what you do, don't put yourself in a position of being judged. You don't deserve it. You deserve to be respected for providing for your child in very challenging circumstances. I have every bit of respect and admiration for you.
-
I think from now on should I reveal my job to somebody I will make sure I only tell a fellow single parent as I can't imagine most people will get it.
I agree with Shewolf in not revealing your job. If there's anything I've learnt, it's that people don't understand why women become escorts even when the alternative is to struggle. Hope things pick up again for you Lushblossom.
-
I guess I'm lucky as I've been able to be open with pretty much all of my friends about it and only lost one due to her treating me like a money tree. The others are awesome and I talk about work with them all the time.
-
Sorry to revive this. I just thought I would add ;D
It has made me look at men differently. Not because men cheat on their wives to spend time with me etc.
It is the time wasters, the people who try to get you to do services you don't offer. The men who don't go the clinic and get tested (I had a client who didn't even know how to book a checkup at the GUM clinc but was barebacking other people and then visiting me! ) The people who abuse girls/ get violent
How many people out there are married to men or even women who do the stuff above and have no idea? How can I get into a relationship with anyone when i've seen this behaviour and now realise you can actually never know what people are like truly? I'm trying not to let it cloud my view of men but its super hard. Does being an escort bring out the crazy in some people?
Its also super lonely. The money is great but I cant talk to anybody about it because no one knows what I do :(
-
I think for a lot of those kind of guys they don't respect you and see you as a product they bought and they can treat you how they want. You are not much more than a blow up doll for them and there are terrible people out there but there are really nice clients too. I think for me the main thing that changed is I look after myself more. It's changed how I view sex and my body and I take better care of it.
I agree though it is a lonely lifestyle and there are times I feel weird about keeping so many secrets about what I've done and the people I've met. But In a way some of that has become a bit of a thrill to me Just going to a hotel and meeting a client there and those times you pass another girl and sometimes you just know she's another working girl. There are times I see somebody I'm sure is meeting another client and I kinda wonder who she's meeting and if they'll get home safe. Suppose I should just concentrate on myself lol but knowing things that happen to girls I do start to think about how many creeps out there are seeing girls right now.
-
Sorry to revive this. I just thought I would add ;D
It has made me look at men differently. Not because men cheat on their wives to spend time with me etc.
It is the time wasters, the people who try to get you to do services you don't offer. The men who don't go the clinic and get tested (I had a client who didn't even know how to book a checkup at the GUM clinc but was barebacking other people and then visiting me! ) The people who abuse girls/ get violent
How many people out there are married to men or even women who do the stuff above and have no idea? How can I get into a relationship with anyone when i've seen this behaviour and now realise you can actually never know what people are like truly? I'm trying not to let it cloud my view of men but its super hard. Does being an escort bring out the crazy in some people?
Its also super lonely. The money is great but I cant talk to anybody about it because no one knows what I do :(
Get yourself a meet up with another escort for friendship. I did (through the buddy board here) and its been the best thing I ever did.
-
One of the reasons I was happy to become an escort was online dating burnout and years of meeting men who didn't want anything serious. I felt that if I was just going to have the sex, I might as well charge for it!
Same here. I used to feel that online dating men only see my V and all that sexy brain, caring personality just go to waste. I consider myself a good wife material. Until I got the ring on my finger and a good generous husband I will do business ;) no one gets hurt, lead on or as unfulfilled expectations!
-
Sorry to revive this. I just thought I would add ;D
It has made me look at men differently. Not because men cheat on their wives to spend time with me etc.
It is the time wasters, the people who try to get you to do services you don't offer. The men who don't go the clinic and get tested (I had a client who didn't even know how to book a checkup at the GUM clinc but was barebacking other people and then visiting me! ) The people who abuse girls/ get violent
How many people out there are married to men or even women who do the stuff above and have no idea? How can I get into a relationship with anyone when i've seen this behaviour and now realise you can actually never know what people are like truly? I'm trying not to let it cloud my view of men but its super hard. Does being an escort bring out the crazy in some people?
Its also super lonely. The money is great but I cant talk to anybody about it because no one knows what I do :(
It can be lonely staring at four walls however perks are great but get yourself a genuine escort buddy where you meet for coffee shopping ect :D it makes a difference nobody knows what i do so i be friended another escort and after a few weeks of chatting then skyped to make sure we were both who we said and not some guy wanting a free bee were now close :D its certainly been a great pick me up and have somebody to confide in and share stories with xx
-
Sorry to revive this. I just thought I would add ;D
It has made me look at men differently. Not because men cheat on their wives to spend time with me etc.
It is the time wasters, the people who try to get you to do services you don't offer. The men who don't go the clinic and get tested (I had a client who didn't even know how to book a checkup at the GUM clinc but was barebacking other people and then visiting me! ) The people who abuse girls/ get violent
How many people out there are married to men or even women who do the stuff above and have no idea? How can I get into a relationship with anyone when i've seen this behaviour and now realise you can actually never know what people are like truly? I'm trying not to let it cloud my view of men but its super hard. Does being an escort bring out the crazy in some people?
Its also super lonely. The money is great but I cant talk to anybody about it because no one knows what I do :(
It can be lonely staring at four walls however perks are great but get yourself a genuine escort buddy where you meet for coffee shopping ect :D it makes a difference nobody knows what i do so i be friended another escort and after a few weeks of chatting then skyped to make sure we were both who we said and not some guy wanting a free bee were now close :D its certainly been a great pick me up and have somebody to confide in and share stories with xx
Yes thats the same as me with my escort friend now! .
I got into this after swinging and having casual sex with strangers for fun.. So once I realised I could charge for it it was a no brainer!
-
Definitely changed me as a person for the better! When I started three years ago I was 18, shy, inexperienced had slept with one person and hadn't even sucked a willy, was always the shy one who was scared to talk to people I didn't know.
Now my confidence has gone through the roof, I am still shy at times but I don't think you ever get rid of that. I love myself a lot more as before I didn't ever think I was good looking or desirable, total opposite now! Hahaha. I also think it's given me an amazing amount of independence and confidence to do things on my own. Even little things such as going to the dentist or to town would give me bad anxiety, now it's calmed down a hell of a lot!
There are definitely down sides, the stress from stalkers, my pictures posted on Facebook by a bitter regular once, but the positives outweigh the negatives by a mile.
Also met some amazing girls by only from this site but also through AW and it's great now to be able to tell all my escort stories rather than keeping them to myself!
-
I think it has made me more sensitive to rape and sexual abuse towards women. Every time I watch telly and I see a rape scene or something I get really mad or if I read the news and I hear something like this I get really really pissed/saddened. I was never like this before. If I heard something like that I would just be like "Oh wow, how sad" now its like "bang the table, stand up shouting, throw stuff at the tv, rip up the newspaper :o" I am not sure why. Maybe it's because I know what it's like to have sex with someone you don't want to have sex with? I think If I willingly do this and feel like shit just imagine how they must feel who didn't even give their consent? :( This job did gave me confidence when i first started but now I have lost it somehow because I think the only men that would find me sexy/attractive are old and ugly and that doesn't really make me feel good about myself lol. I wanted to get married at one point in my life because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the person i love, now I don' believe in love anymore and just want to get married one day so I don't spend the rest of my life alone. But I'm not even sure about this either. Would I rather live with a man that hates me because I am not able to give him sex anymore or would I rather live alone? I do not believe in faithfulness anymore now. All men cheat, have cheated or at least think about it.
-
I think it has made me more sensitive to rape and sexual abuse towards women. Every time I watch telly and I see a rape scene or something I get really mad or if I read the news and I hear something like this I get really really pissed/saddened. I was never like this before. If I heard something like that I would just be like "Oh wow, how sad" now its like "bang the table, stand up shouting, throw stuff at the tv, rip up the newspaper :o" I am not sure why. Maybe it's because I know what it's like to have sex with someone you don't want to have sex with? I think If I willingly do this and feel like shit just imagine how they must feel who didn't even give their consent? :( This job did gave me confidence when i first started but now I have lost it somehow because I think the only men that would find me sexy/attractive are old and ugly and that doesn't really make me feel good about myself lol. I wanted to get married at one point in my life because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the person i love, now I don' believe in love anymore and just want to get married one day so I don't spend the rest of my life alone. But I'm not even sure about this either. Would I rather live with a man that hates me because I am not able to give him sex anymore or would I rather live alone? I do not believe in faithfulness anymore now. All men cheat, have cheated or at least think about it.
I highly highly doubt the only men that would find you attractive are old and ugly, it's a guarantee there is someone (actually probably several) guys who you find attractive who will find you attractive too! It's sad to hear someone say they don't believe in love anymore, I do believe all men have cheated or thought about it... This used to bother me, not so much now.
Bless you, don't ever think you'll be alone, there's someone out there for everyone, and I'm sure one day your views will completely change for the better. X
-
Made me very much aware of the fact that guys are as insecure as girls, although we are lead to believe women are the weaker sex in many respects. I think not; women are immensely stronger (albeit not physically always) but for us, a WG holds the majority of the control me thinks ;D
-
Ive definitely changed as a person, having dating fairly disastrously for a few years, my friend suggested I did this, he is an escort... Never thought I could do it! But yes, it has changed me, my confidence is up, it is empowering and has given me 'self worth' which I was lacking before. Im quite picky with clients and bookings, I only do GFE which is working out great. I've only done this for a couple of months but the amount of debt i've been able to clear has been amazing. That alone has taken so much pressure away I'm a lot more tolerant of things in my real life. Still not sure about the 'girlie' side of things though! Getting my nails done is still completely alien to me, but as my real job involves looking after animals and living in wellies, its a necessity !!
-
I think it has made me more sensitive to rape and sexual abuse towards women. Every time I watch telly and I see a rape scene or something I get really mad or if I read the news and I hear something like this I get really really pissed/saddened. I was never like this before. If I heard something like that I would just be like "Oh wow, how sad" now its like "bang the table, stand up shouting, throw stuff at the tv, rip up the newspaper :o" I am not sure why. Maybe it's because I know what it's like to have sex with someone you don't want to have sex with? I think If I willingly do this and feel like shit just imagine how they must feel who didn't even give their consent? :( This job did gave me confidence when i first started but now I have lost it somehow because I think the only men that would find me sexy/attractive are old and ugly and that doesn't really make me feel good about myself lol. I wanted to get married at one point in my life because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the person i love, now I don' believe in love anymore and just want to get married one day so I don't spend the rest of my life alone. But I'm not even sure about this either. Would I rather live with a man that hates me because I am not able to give him sex anymore or would I rather live alone? I do not believe in faithfulness anymore now. All men cheat, have cheated or at least think about it.
I highly highly doubt the only men that would find you attractive are old and ugly, it's a guarantee there is someone (actually probably several) guys who you find attractive who will find you attractive too! It's sad to hear someone say they don't believe in love anymore, I do believe all men have cheated or thought about it... This used to bother me, not so much now.
Bless you, don't ever think you'll be alone, there's someone out there for everyone, and I'm sure one day your views will completely change for the better. X
Thanks girl. I hope so :'( x
-
I think it has made me more sensitive to rape and sexual abuse towards women. Every time I watch telly and I see a rape scene or something I get really mad or if I read the news and I hear something like this I get really really pissed/saddened. I was never like this before. If I heard something like that I would just be like "Oh wow, how sad" now its like "bang the table, stand up shouting, throw stuff at the tv, rip up the newspaper :o" I am not sure why. Maybe it's because I know what it's like to have sex with someone you don't want to have sex with? I think If I willingly do this and feel like shit just imagine how they must feel who didn't even give their consent? :( This job did gave me confidence when i first started but now I have lost it somehow because I think the only men that would find me sexy/attractive are old and ugly and that doesn't really make me feel good about myself lol. I wanted to get married at one point in my life because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the person i love, now I don' believe in love anymore and just want to get married one day so I don't spend the rest of my life alone. But I'm not even sure about this either. Would I rather live with a man that hates me because I am not able to give him sex anymore or would I rather live alone? I do not believe in faithfulness anymore now. All men cheat, have cheated or at least think about it.
I change my mind often on this but at the moment I agree.
It definitely doesn't give me confidence anymore this job. Shine has totally worn off, but I'd rather be doing this work than any other right now
-
Me seems morer enyoing the time and I like sex so its top of the life, I hope I can stay forever young to keep doing this job. I like to have 2-3 clients in the day then go to the restaurant and have some time free. I never worked 9-5 job so I think could not do it. I know men more, they sexaulity is so diffrent that women's
-
It's made me suspicious of men and their motives and has made me much less willing to put up with nonsense from anyone (we get enough of that with this work)
-
I am now no longer attracted to older men :-[ After reading and witnessing some of the things they do and how they act i am just seriously put off. I use to say "older men are more mature " Till I got into this job and being in contact with them frequently I realize how immature they really are. Atleast if a young guy is being childish it's not that much of a shock as he is young but when your talking men in their 30s 40s 50s 60s 70s acting so childish it's just not what i want. I've started liking guys closer to my age now. I doubt someone my age will ever ask me to lick their asshole or want me to shit on them :-X
-
Come to think about it I would say escorting was moulding me loosing faith. But have learned most are innocent. I see much good in people because I am focused. Even the time wasters/ no shows leaves me feeling peace. It's true what one focuses on it shows up in thier life. Escorting is my investment.:)
-
I doubt someone my age will ever ask me to lick their asshole or want me to shit on them :-X
I don't see how someone's sexual preferences correlate to their maturity or age.
-
I doubt someone my age will ever ask me to lick their asshole or want me to shit on them :-X
I don't see how someone's sexual preferences correlate to their maturity or age.
Im guessing op is in her twenties from what she says, I am too and I'd definitely say the weirdo stuff like that is not really on a guys radar in their twenties. Not outside of escorting anyway.
Even in escorting most twenties guys from my experience just love to have sex, not so much being shat on etc
-
I doubt someone my age will ever ask me to lick their asshole or want me to shit on them :-X
I don't see how someone's sexual preferences correlate to their maturity or age.
Im guessing op is in her twenties from what she says, I am too and I'd definitely say the weirdo stuff like that is not really on a guys radar in their twenties. Not outside of escorting anyway.
Even in escorting most twenties guys from my experience just love to have sex, not so much being shat on etc
There are vanilla people and kink-oriented people in all age groups in my experience.
Reason you might see it less among the twenty-somethings is because men in their 20s are still too awkward around sexual issues to bring up the experimental stuff they'd like to try. Not sure if you've ever took part in any form of sex life advice arrangement, but questions like "How do I tell my GF/BF that I'm into champagne sex/verbal abuse/crossdressing etc." are super common. Back when I used to sleep around a lot in non-commercial way, guys would open up about the most random kinks to me as soon as they felt comfortable with me and assured that I wouldn't ridicule them for it.
Moreover, if you yourself (general you, mind) are visibly very vanilla, folks are less likely to bring up their kinks. That's why you will see less of it in non-paid setting, because people feel less entitled to having their preferences met.
Also speaking as a heavily kink-oriented person myself, I've personally known and 'felt' my own kinks as soon as I started being sexual. That is the case for a lot of people who have something in particular that makes them tick. It's generally a minority that doesn't learn what they are into until their 30s or later, and if anything, it's usually a sign of sexual inexperience (for example being stuck in a marriage from the age of 19 with a person who isn't into experimenting).
-
Yes that's what I meant really, not that younger guys wouldn't want the kink but they're perhaps a mix of too unsure how to instigate, and maybe haven't enough experience to know what they want yet.
I agree regarding the non commercial sex, people feeling less able to ask.
I think Im fairly vanilla, well I have submissive fantasies but never met anyone who has made me comfortable to focus on my pleasure during sex. That's pretty sad I guess for nearly 30 and I've had a lot
t of sex in and out of work
-
How many people out there are married to men or even women who do the stuff above and have no idea? How can I get into a relationship with anyone when i've seen this behaviour and now realise you can actually never know what people are like truly? I'm trying not to let it cloud my view of men but its super hard.
My thoughts exactly. I'mtrying to come to terms with the idea that it's unlikely that I'll ever have a relationship again - my personal experiences and being exposed to this have made me incredibly untrusting. :'(
-
I swing between sometimes wanting a relationship and then having doubts as we have learned to detach our emotions to such an extent in the work .... I wonder if I can if you see what I mean? I guess I could if push came to shove but they would have to prove their worth .....
-
I swing between sometimes wanting a relationship and then having doubts as we have learned to detach our emotions to such an extent in the work .... I wonder if I can if you see what I mean? I guess I could if push came to shove but they would have to prove their worth .....
Lushblossom...maybe this change in your view of yourself in a relationship is a positive thing. It's made you more selective; raised your expectations of men. For me, this work makes me want a relationship to balance things as I would love to be with somebody who genuinely cared and I would love to experience intimacy with feelings once again. This work has made me realise how valuable that experience can be x
-
Lushblossom...maybe this change in your view of yourself in a relationship is a positive thing. It's made you more selective; raised your expectations of men. For me, this work makes me want a relationship to balance things as I would love to be with somebody who genuinely cared and I would love to experience intimacy with feelings once again. This work has made me realise how valuable that experience can be x
Me too. I need a relationship to remind me what is real. I would really struggle to do this job if I didn't have a boyfriend (or 2) as well.
-
How many people out there are married to men or even women who do the stuff above and have no idea? How can I get into a relationship with anyone when i've seen this behaviour and now realise you can actually never know what people are like truly? I'm trying not to let it cloud my view of men but its super hard.
My thoughts exactly. I'mtrying to come to terms with the idea that it's unlikely that I'll ever have a relationship again - my personal experiences and being exposed to this have made me incredibly untrusting. :'(
I'm so with you Anna - I thought I had an idea of blokes in terms of what they were like; I wasn't prepared for the amount of guys in relationships who are after a sexual escapade outside of their relationship. To be honest, I really think that I won't ever have a relationship again - I'm pretty independent anyway and have always got annoyed by the neediness of guys (probably an age thing as I go for younger guys) but having said that, I wasn't prepared for the level of guys who want to get laid, but aren't quite gutsy enough to leave an unfulfilling relationship. I have often thought when they leave 'thank fuck, I'm not committed/living/married to you' or I'd have serial killer tendencies ha - swings and roundabouts I guess.
-
Maybe is time to realise that man and woman think diffrent about sex life, and what for woman is love, for man is just sex. Everybody will scream that this is the right way how they think but I did rather go for truth than for a this is the better way of thinking. Truth is that both sexes think diffrent about sex and this is the reality.
-
One thing that has really changed me is my lack of patience with people who "show when they show". I've always been notoriously late for everything in my personal life and thus I have always been more or less okay with people being late themselves. Now however, I can't stand it. The moment anyone mentions that they might be a bit late, or, maybe we should just do this tomorrow, I just feel myself tense up. Thankfully I have self control enough not to tell my friends off for being 20 mins delayed the way I do with clients haha
I have a LOT higher standards with men these days. If you're not almost perfect, then you can just piss off because I am fairly certain a nicer bloke would be paying me for this.
Overall, escorting has done me more good than it has done me harm. I'm more confident in myself and also in what I can do, I scored a civvie job I was slightly under qualified for based on aceing an interview I would be terrified over had I not become this amazing at bullshitting my emotions through escorting. I wish I wasn't so jaded about sex and relationships in the process, but, c'est la vie. If me and my current partner do split up and I never find another man I actually trust, so be it. I don't need a relationship to be happy, I'm perfectly happy with my friends.
-
Maybe is time to realise that man and woman think diffrent about sex life, and what for woman is love, for man is just sex. Everybody will scream that this is the right way how they think but I did rather go for truth than for a this is the better way of thinking. Truth is that both sexes think diffrent about sex and this is the reality.
No, I don't think men and women think differently or that men are more likely to cheat. It's just that we see more of the male cheaters.
-
God Nova, I hope you're right. :-\
I have a LOT higher standards with men these days. If you're not almost perfect, then you can just piss off because I am fairly certain a nicer bloke would be paying me for this. I tend to think like this, too; swinging between feeling I could never trust someone and comparing treatment to that with my clients. There are times when I think "you know what mate, I've clients who treat me better". It then stings from time to time then to meet a client who I know I would date but for the circumstances in which I met them and I kinda then think "where were you??"
This is then spoiled occasionally by what can only be described as self-destruct thoughts, where I wonder whether they've ever used any kind of paid for service; but obv, I don't ask - I don't want to know.
I think sooner or later I will have to get off the pot and make a decision one way or another...
-
God Nova, I hope you're right. :-\
I have a LOT higher standards with men these days. If you're not almost perfect, then you can just piss off because I am fairly certain a nicer bloke would be paying me for this. I tend to think like this, too; swinging between feeling I could never trust someone and comparing treatment to that with my clients. There are times when I think "you know what mate, I've clients who treat me better". It then stings from time to time then to meet a client who I know I would date but for the circumstances in which I met them and I kinda then think "where were you??"
This is then spoiled occasionally by what can only be described as self-destruct thoughts, where I wonder whether they've ever used any kind of paid for service; but obv, I don't ask - I don't want to know.
I think sooner or later I will have to get off the pot and make a decision one way or another...
I don't think it's good that I might be right! I think it would mean that women are equally capable of being scumbags. We're all screwed, basically.
Would it bother you if you dated someone who had paid for sex? It wouldn't bother me - sometimes I think it would be easier as they'd have more of an understanding of my job.
-
Funnily enough, I've just started dating someone who was a client, (despite my former advice to other ladies on here - bleedin' hypocrite that I am! ::) ) I know it's going to cause some issues - is this just for freebies; can he be trusted and all that...just have to wait and see... :o
-
Would be interested to know/learn anybody else's views?
I have more money, more self worth and I don't put up with idiots in my day to day life. Apart for that, nope, I'm still the same person I've always been.
Xx
-
There is one main thing I've noticed I'm finding is that a man's physical attributes doesn't have much of an influence on me any more. It seems to mostly all be about the social aspect and how he treats me. I'm finding that I'm really enjoying the sex even with pensioner aged men, I'm almost 25, I just love how they treat me as if I'm precious gold to them. Back before I started stripping/escorting I wouldn't have even given such men the time of day. And now here I am, having orgasms in bed with them.
As for my mental sanity, I'm fine. If anything I feel this is all becoming very normal. Some men are very weird, but to be fair I think I'm going the same way. I have client who is 10 years older than me who really wants to be my boyfriend who is into the cuckold thing so me fucking any amount of men is totally okay by him and actually turns him on like a lot!
I get to meet so many men from so many different backgrounds as an escort, I know its seen as a sort of bad thing but I actually love it I find it so interesting/fun. If it wasn't for ALL the timewasters this would actually be the perfect job for me. Timewasters are the bulk of the stress for me.
-
Funnily enough, I've just started dating someone who was a client, (despite my former advice to other ladies on here - bleedin' hypocrite that I am! ::) ) I know it's going to cause some issues - is this just for freebies; can he be trusted and all that...just have to wait and see... :o
You just have to take every person and every situation as they come. Client escort relationships can be full of problems or they might not.
There's plenty of women here who've done it and had no issue regarding how they met.
I've done it, he turned out to be a dick but that couldn't be attributed to anything to do with prostitution.
Good luck!
-
Funnily enough, I've just started dating someone who was a client, (despite my former advice to other ladies on here - bleedin' hypocrite that I am! ::) ) I know it's going to cause some issues - is this just for freebies; can he be trusted and all that...just have to wait and see... :o
You just have to take every person and every situation as they come. Client escort relationships can be full of problems or they might not.
There's plenty of women here who've done it and had no issue regarding how they met.
I've done it, he turned out to be a dick but that couldn't be attributed to anything to do with prostitution.
Good luck!
I genuinely appreciate what you said, as it gave me a bit of hope - just have to see how things go. I don't help myself by being so supicious, but hey ho... ::)
-
I personally don't think I could date a client but never say never! Most of my clients are old enough to be my dad and aren't what I go for in any aspect. But I know there are many women who it works for!
Escorting has changed me as I said before and it's all positive one of the biggest things that's changed is my attitude towards what people say about me or if I get abuse, it used to bother me loads and affect me really badly. Now? I make a complete joke of it and actually turn it into something positive and think, if they have to talk about me to stay relevant then that's fine, atleast its increases my views lol!
It's definitely helped me in that aspect, anything negative said about me I really do laugh at and within 10 mins it's forgotten about. I have too much of a great life, great friends and family for bitter clients or keyboard warriors to bother me. The internet is virtual what's said about people online from the news to gossip boards is usually bullshit. It's great being able to see everything in a positive life and come out on top each and everytime!
It's also made me much more sexually experienced, I've tried things I would've frowned up on before, and I've enjoyed it, I've met lots of nice escorts friends through here and on AW and it's great to talk about things with them since I'm a secret escort! ;D
-
Funnily enough, I've just started dating someone who was a client, (despite my former advice to other ladies on here - bleedin' hypocrite that I am! ::) ) I know it's going to cause some issues - is this just for freebies; can he be trusted and all that...just have to wait and see... :o
Well at least you don't have to worry about him finding out lol. I hope it all works out for you. I really miss having a bf but personally wouldn't get with a client even if Brad Pitt walked through the door and because of my job, I've just always decided to not do any dating until I finally chuck it.
I can't wait to start dating again I must admit, I miss that butterfly feeling in my belly.
xx
-
fucking any amount of men is totally okay by him and actually turns him on like a lot!
Loads are like that. And then you get the ones that can't stand the thought of you being with anyone else and want to 'rescue' you.
-
I've definitely become more intolerant and impatient with guys - when I first started I would engage in their waffle as I didn't really know what was what. Now, the slightest mishap and I'm off and they're blocked. The genuine guys don't ask wanky questions; they have a defined time and date and want to know if you'll be available at that time.
-
Yip
it sorted me out - gave me a boost in the money department and got on with my life.
Lost more confident and wont stand for crap - shout it out and call time on any situation that's not going anywhere - a little more cold with guys. but that's just the fall out - realised that a lot of things are indeed sex based - and use that to my advantage. became a dab hand at getting my way.
a bit more relaxed about life and don't get so annoyed.
-
Interesting topic.
The biggest change for me is I can't really have a proper relationship without keeping what I do secret (and I'm a terrible liar). I've given up now but if I was genuinely in a position to get serious with a man the conversation usually was a variation of...
Him: What do you do for a living?
Me (being honest): I spank men for money.
Him (making excuses and grabbing his coat): Oh, ok, I've just got to...erm, check the oven isn't on.
They can't accept it for what it is. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy having a grown man across my knee but that's work, I also would like a "normal" relationship too.
-
Interesting topic.
The biggest change for me is I can't really have a proper relationship without keeping what I do secret (and I'm a terrible liar). I've given up now but if I was genuinely in a position to get serious with a man the conversation usually was a variation of...
Him: What do you do for a living?
Me (being honest): I spank men for money.
Him (making excuses and grabbing his coat): Oh, ok, I've just got to...erm, check the oven isn't on.
They can't accept it for what it is. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy having a grown man across my knee but that's work, I also would like a "normal" relationship too.
I think you're meeting the wrong men! There will be plenty who can cope just fine with it. Just a case of finding them.
-
I don't disagree with that, and in fairness I have had the odd time at the other end of the spectrum. That is, when I tell them, they are dribbling with excitement because they harbour fantasies of being spanked themselves. In truth, I don't really want that either.
-
Would be interested to know/learn anybody else's views?
I have more money, more self worth and I don't put up with idiots in my day to day life. Apart for that, nope, I'm still the same person I've always been.
Xx
+1
-
I can spot BS much more quickly than I used to before starting escorting.
I'm much more assertive and don't take shit from anyone, work or personal wise.
I have more confidence. I've never been a fan of my looks/body but when clients keep telling me I'm beautiful/what they like etc, it eventually boosted my self esteem.
:)
-
I've gone off casual sex. I feel like if I'm going to fuck, I want it to be either paid for, or meaningful. I have a couple of fuckbuddies who I would usually see once or twice a week, but I just can't be bothered these days.
I also feel more confident as a person. I didn't realise that I was capable of essentially running my own business and succeeding in it, and having confidence in my skills. I know I'm good at what I do and I'm proud of that, whereas I've spent a great deal of my life doubting myself.
It's early days of course, but so far the changes have been positive.
-
One thing that i have been thinking about is that my entire life I've been brought up to think that men are"prizes" (my culture is very patriarchal). A good man is what you get for being a good girl. And men are superior special beings that you have to act the "right" way to deserve.
I now know this is a bunch of bull.
This job also started off with me feeling majorly confident about myself. So many men telling me how beautiful, hot, smart I was.
Now i'm just an anxiety driven mess.
it also gave me the confidence to try out other things. start other businesses and not be so scared. so it gave me confidence in business abilities.
-
This job also started off with me feeling majorly confident about myself. So many men telling me how beautiful, hot, smart I was.
Now i'm just an anxiety driven mess.
Why is this Lulu? x
-
I think it's the stress of always wondering if my phone is going to ring, if people are going to like my pictures and profile and want to book. If when the men walk through the door are they going to like me or not.
Because i stupidly feel that this job is based on my appearance, it's made me a lot more critical of myself and I'm trying to get that out of my head but it's hard. Things I didn't care about before I know want to have surgery to change.
The positive comments don't reinforce that. i had a guy repeatedly call me "beautiful in a booking" then go on a forum and call me average, so i'm very suspicious of compliments.
-
People tell me i am more serious now ???
I think it is impossible to embarrass me now :-[
-
I agree. The thing I worry about most is not 'will I be murdered by this man?' but 'will this man fancy me enough to now turn round and walk away without paying so I have spent time getting ready for nothing?'
They do seem to like me but it's always there, that worry. I think it's cos I am early 40's.
-
Yep shewolf. It's exactly that. It seems a bit nuts that i'm more worried about not being liked than being attacked but thats the crux of it. I think I had my honeymoon phase and now I'm just in my cynical anxiety phase. Hopefully I will snap out of it.
-
sorry i haven't read this but i will when i get home tonight (crappy agency work)
i hate men i hate them touching me kissing me I'm not as horny or interested in sex an when a guy flirts or says something like come to mine theres a comfortable seat when you get here ;) PISSES ME OFF like can a guy like my company with out sex
but it comes with the job so you got to accept it
i like sex alot but i don't enjoy it when i work and I've been working a long time
[suspicious][/suspicious]
-
Made me truly value the beautiful, authentic sex that a committed relationship offers and how vastly different it is to the paid variety which is brilliant fun but in such a different way.
-
Made me truly value the beautiful, authentic sex that a committed relationship offers and how vastly different it is to the paid variety which is brilliant fun but in such a different way.
Exactly the same for me...except I am still seeking the former :) God loves a trier.
-
I agree. The thing I worry about most is not 'will I be murdered by this man?' but 'will this man fancy me enough to now turn round and walk away without paying so I have spent time getting ready for nothing?'
They do seem to like me but it's always there, that worry. I think it's cos I am early 40's.
I know the feeling. I go to great lengths to have very accurate, recent photos. But I still get the occasional walkout - like once a month or so. I'm not in a shithole, I answer the door with a friendly smile and I look as much like my photos as it is possible to look.
-
I've only been doing this for over a month, but i feel it's making me tougher. I feel almost invincible sometimes-if i can do this job with so many risks involved, hell, i can do anything!
My tolerance for bullshit has practically vanished; i can spot it in a split second now and i absolutely hate it.
I'm also losing respect for men. Most of the johns are so damn pathetic!! I get why single guys punt, but the married/in a relationship ones just make me sick. It seems so primitive to me-instead of working on yourself and your relationship, you go see escorts?..ooookayyy.seems to me that men are exactly like animals when it comes to sex.like, i read some forums where punters complain about their bad experiences with escorts:bitchy,rude,disinterested,even smelly-but what do they do when they meet an escort like that? That's right, have sex with her anyway.and don't even get me started on their super fragile egos, childish tantrums and dick worshipping!! I honestly wish i was gay because men are sooo incredibly primitive. :FF
-
I agree that I realise men are quite animal-like and I think it's scarey the difference between them and women in relation to feelings. Those who genuinely fall in love, well, are they actually in love or are they just loving the sex and feeling of being loved/cared for? The way they can really enjoy sex without any emotion whatsoever makes me seriously wonder about them.
I think it's frightening.
-
men are sooo incredibly primitive. :FF
Some men are, yes. Was that what you meant to say?
I'll add that we've had women on this forum over the years who could give a privet hedge a run for its money in terms of emotional sensitivity and maturity, so it's maybe better expressed as some people are incredibly primitive. And naturally, others are not :).
The way they can really enjoy sex without any emotion whatsoever makes me seriously wonder about them.
Are you including everybody who can enjoy sex without any emotion whatsoever? I daresay there's quite a few of us on this board.
-
Amy, I've probably gone off a bit too harshly (had a few annoying/weird clients in the past couple of days), but I feel that escorting has really opened my eyes up about what men (yes, not 100% of them, but definitely the majority) are really like. Maybe the word 'primitive' is a bad choice here, so I'll just go with 'different':) I never realized HOW different men are from women before. I find it really incredible how important sex is to them, to the point where they'll have sex with just about any woman willing, and how often they need it, and how they are able to get off anywhere/with anyone-like Shewolf says, it really seems to be animal-like and even scary! Sex to them is like eating, a vital necessity, a need that simply must be met-anytime, anywhere and with pretty much anyone. To me, it's a bit mind-blowing.
One the one hand, I guess it's good they're that simple to figure out, but on the other...I just find women to be more complex and sophisticated beings. Yes, women can enjoy sex with no emotions attached, but for most, even then there has to be some attraction-like the one night stands, I have had quite a few, but I wouldn't sleep with just anybody, I would need the guy to attract me, and not just physically, he would have to be smart and funny and just have that 'something' about him. Whereas for men, when they want sex, they don't seem to need that-they just go for it as long as the woman has a pulse and is more or less willing.
Maybe it just boils down to mama nature where women must be careful when choosing a partner because they will need to take care of children whereas men want to spread their seed wide and far, I don't know...
Also, I find it a bit disturbing that old men enjoy young girls-I mean men in their 70s booking escorts in their 20s- I am 31 and I had a couple of clients who were 19-20, and I felt like I was a perv!! Then again maybe it's just me.
But back to the topic: I think escorting will make a complete cynic out of me. At the moment, I really can't imagine being in a relationship and I honestly believe I'm better off alone.
-
Yes I think it has put me off wanting a bloke for sure - very occasionally I get a wistful phase but then I soon snap out of it and come to my senses.
-
Amy, I've probably gone off a bit too harshly (had a few annoying/weird clients in the past couple of days), but I feel that escorting has really opened my eyes up about what men (yes, not 100% of them, but definitely the majority) are really like.
Unless you have seen the majority of men on the planet in a work capacity, I don't think you, or any of us, can say definitively what the majority of men are like.
There are many millions of men in the world who have never visited an escort and never will - for whatever reasons.
It's really easy to assume that all men are like the ones we see, but that just isn't the case. We only know what the ones we see are like - not the ones we don't see!
-
I have seen all sorts of guys since I've been escorting. Some lovely some horrendous and most fall somewhere between the two.
What I would say is that being independent gives you far more choice about who you do see. So long as you develop a good time waster and knob head radar, you can cut out a lot of the dump and go type of client. I don't want to see clients like this and on the whole I manage to avoid them.
I love seeing old fashioned courteous types, I don't mean the ones who are fake or OTT, just the real gents.
-
Are you including everybody who can enjoy sex without any emotion whatsoever? I daresay there's quite a few of us on this board.
Guilty as charged, even though practice I guess I don't count as a woman.
Whereas for men, when they want sex, they don't seem to need that-they just go for it as long as the woman has a pulse and is more or less willing.
Not really, I have mostly male friends and I've seen them turn down an 'opportunity' with girls a lot, because the person was below their visual standards.
As always am gonna chip in and mention that the casual manbashing that flares up every once in a while is really iffy to read. If nothing else, remember that not all folks on the board are female, though they might be a lot less bothered by reading this.
-
I think there is a difference between escorts having sex with no emotional attachment and men who pay for sex from women they are not attached to and never will be.
I believe the former is a skill developed for the point of obtaining money i.e separating the self/developing two personas (because women are wired to be emotionally involved in order to get intimate-fact) and the latter is a choice made because they get complete release and satisfaction from it (because men are wired differently).
Sorry if I sounded man-bashing, I didn't mean to, I was trying to say I find it an eye opener which worries me. Maybe my views come across as too black and white but I think there is some truth in them.
-
I believe the former is a skill developed for the point of obtaining money i.e separating the self/developing two personas (because women are wired to be emotionally involved in order to get intimate-fact) and the latter is a choice made because they get complete release and satisfaction from it (because men are wired differently).
Except that there are a lot of women, not just among escorts, who have NSA sex and enjoy it that way. Assuming everyone needs emotional involvement isn't a fact, it's a generalization. I'm not strictly cis, so I am not the best example, but I absolutely preferred totally unattached hook-ups until life circumstances forced me to settle down somewhat. And even after that I was a notorious cheater still - that stopped only after once I started escorting and purely because my now-partner greenlighted the job.
Likewise, plenty of social circles I mingle in have women who have no interest in involved relationships or family-making and would much rather have a good & game booty calls.
-
I believe the former is a skill developed for the point of obtaining money i.e separating the self/developing two personas (because women are wired to be emotionally involved in order to get intimate-fact) and the latter is a choice made because they get complete release and satisfaction from it (because men are wired differently).
Except that there are a lot of women, not just among escorts, who have NSA sex and enjoy it that way. Assuming everyone needs emotional involvement isn't a fact, it's a generalization.
I agree up to a point. First I thought maybe its a generational thing ( I'm in my 40s) and I know for a fact my female friends of my generation can't do the whole sex without emotion thing (I can't). So I've come to the conclusion that its individual, however much more common in the younger generation
-
So I've come to the conclusion that its individual, however much more common in the younger generation.
I didn't want to jump to this conclusion but it does seem more common indeed - I'm situated in the late 20s/early 30s demographic, socially speaking.
-
I have had non-committal sex in the past with a guy...then I got emotionally suckered by him without even realising this process was going on.
I guess that's just from my perspective though so, yes, I hear what you are saying.
-
it's easy for me to say that most men can get hard for anything/anyone/anywhere/anytime. Say with a one eyed, one legged midget in a bush in broad daylight on a Saturday. Just saying lol. where as I can't get aroused with my clients cuz there is no physical attraction and I would not fuck in a bush in broad daylight on a saturday becuase I would be too uncomfortable to enjoy it. But just becuase i dont enjoy doing that doesn't mean other women don't though. I just don't know any female that would do it out of desire but just out of pleasing the man. But I know men that can manage putting a bag over a midget's head and get hard and fuck her anywhere. Some don't even need the bag. lolz. I don't get it. So i kinda want to agree with Evergreen. I mean, I haven't met all men but the majority that I know are like that. Plus with this whole "all punters reading from the same book/doing or saying the same thing" It just leads me to believe that most punters are the same i'e most men are the same. If that even makes sense. lol. Ok so let's agree that all men aren't the same but 8 out of ten are like that though. I've seen porn where a man can get hard and fuck his own dog. How many ladies on here can get wet for an animal?
-
So I've come to the conclusion that its individual, however much more common in the younger generation.
I didn't want to jump to this conclusion but it does seem more common indeed - I'm situated in the late 20s/early 30s demographic, socially speaking.
I can tell you one thing that people my age were so terrified by the Aids campaign of the 1980s as kids (in UK) that its a wonder we ever had sex at all! That has really stayed with me.
-
I've seen porn where a man can get hard and fuck his own dog. How many ladies on here can get wet for an animal?
-
it's easy for me to say that most men can get hard for anything/anyone/anywhere/anytime. Say with a one eyed, one legged midget in a bush in broad daylight on a Saturday. Just saying lol. where as I can't get aroused with my clients cuz there is no physical attraction and I would not fuck in a bush in broad daylight on a saturday becuase I would be too uncomfortable to enjoy it. But just becuase i dont enjoy doing that doesn't mean other women don't though. I just don't know any female that would do it out of desire but just out of pleasing the man. But I know men that can manage putting a bag over a midget's head and get hard and fuck her anywhere. Some don't even need the bag. lolz. I don't get it. So i kinda want to agree with Evergreen. I mean, I haven't met all men but the majority that I know are like that. Plus with this whole "all punters reading from the same book/doing or saying the same thing" It just leads me to believe that most punters are the same i'e most men are the same. If that even makes sense. lol. Ok so let's agree that all men aren't the same but 8 out of ten are like that though. I've seen porn where a man can get hard and fuck his own dog. How many ladies on here can get wet for an animal?
Exactly. The ones you know. You don't know the ones who aren't like that, of which there are many millions.
-
Jessica, with the best will in the world that didn't need to be posted twice.
Extreme examples of what individuals are capable of don't back up either the sexist generalisations or the argument against them - I'm sure most of us have seen porn with women taking dildos the size of a 2 litre Coke bottle but that doesn't provide any useful information about women generally.
I believe the former is a skill developed for the point of obtaining money i.e separating the self/developing two personas (because women are wired to be emotionally involved in order to get intimate-fact) and the latter is a choice made because they get complete release and satisfaction from it (because men are wired differently).
Except that there are a lot of women, not just among escorts, who have NSA sex and enjoy it that way. Assuming everyone needs emotional involvement isn't a fact, it's a generalization. I'm not strictly cis, so I am not the best example, but I absolutely preferred totally unattached hook-ups until life circumstances forced me to settle down somewhat. And even after that I was a notorious cheater still - that stopped only after once I started escorting and purely because my now-partner greenlighted the job.
Likewise, plenty of social circles I mingle in have women who have no interest in involved relationships or family-making and would much rather have a good & game booty calls.
Exactly. Having a theory you apply within your immediate and limited frame of reference is fine, but presenting it as fact ('women are wired x way and men are wired y way') is not.
I don't need two personas to recognise that sex can be had for myriad different purposes including recreation; I've been doing so with just the one since I was in my mid teens and didn't work as a prostitute until I was thirty. There are different ways of and reasons for having sex just as there are different ways of and reasons for eating and sleeping.
-
it's easy for me to say that most men can get hard for anything/anyone/anywhere/anytime. Say with a one eyed, one legged midget in a bush in broad daylight on a Saturday. Just saying lol. where as I can't get aroused with my clients cuz there is no physical attraction and I would not fuck in a bush in broad daylight on a saturday becuase I would be too uncomfortable to enjoy it. But just becuase i dont enjoy doing that doesn't mean other women don't though. I just don't know any female that would do it out of desire but just out of pleasing the man. But I know men that can manage putting a bag over a midget's head and get hard and fuck her anywhere. Some don't even need the bag. lolz. I don't get it. So i kinda want to agree with Evergreen. I mean, I haven't met all men but the majority that I know are like that. Plus with this whole "all punters reading from the same book/doing or saying the same thing" It just leads me to believe that most punters are the same i'e most men are the same. If that even makes sense. lol. Ok so let's agree that all men aren't the same but 8 out of ten are like that though. I've seen porn where a man can get hard and fuck his own dog. How many ladies on here can get wet for an animal?
Exactly. The ones you know. You don't know the ones who aren't like that, of which there are many millions.
Hence why it is easy for me to think that the majority are like that cuz i haven't met any that are different. Bit hard for me to think other wise. As I said, not all are like that. But I strongly believe 80% are. Anywayyys, in regards to how escorting has changed me, I am no longer naive. ::) and scared to get married now!
-
Jessica, with the best will in the world that didn't need to be posted twice.
Extreme examples of what individuals are capable of don't back up either the sexist generalisations or the argument against them - I'm sure most of us have seen porn with women taking dildos the size of a 2 litre Coke bottle but that doesn't provide any useful information about women generally.
I believe the former is a skill developed for the point of obtaining money i.e separating the self/developing two personas (because women are wired to be emotionally involved in order to get intimate-fact) and the latter is a choice made because they get complete release and satisfaction from it (because men are wired differently).
Except that there are a lot of women, not just among escorts, who have NSA sex and enjoy it that way. Assuming everyone needs emotional involvement isn't a fact, it's a generalization. I'm not strictly cis, so I am not the best example, but I absolutely preferred totally unattached hook-ups until life circumstances forced me to settle down somewhat. And even after that I was a notorious cheater still - that stopped only after once I started escorting and purely because my now-partner greenlighted the job.
Likewise, plenty of social circles I mingle in have women who have no interest in involved relationships or family-making and would much rather have a good & game booty calls.
Exactly. Having a theory you apply within your immediate and limited frame of reference is fine, but presenting it as fact ('women are wired x way and men are wired y way') is not.
I don't need two personas to recognise that sex can be had for myriad different purposes including recreation; I've been doing so with just the one since I was in my mid teens and didn't work as a prostitute until I was thirty. There are different ways of and reasons for having sex just as there are different ways of and reasons for eating and sleeping.
oops, sorry. But they are just doing it for show though. lol for the camera/becuase they are getting paid. Maybe they enjoy taking a dildo as big as that. what do I know. I'm gonna try it now though. Ha
-
I don't need two personas to recognise that sex can be had for myriad different purposes including recreation; I've been doing so with just the one since I was in my mid teens and didn't work as a prostitute until I was thirty. There are different ways of and reasons for having sex just as there are different ways of and reasons for eating and sleeping.
[/quote]
What about the female primal, primitive need for emotional long term security for her own and possible off spring? We can't escape our genes. Are men driven by the same need? Or are they driven to procreate full stop? :)
-
Hence why it is easy for me to think that the majority are like that cuz i haven't met any that are different. Bit hard for me to think other wise. As I said, not all are like that. But I strongly believe 80% are. Anywayyys, in regards to how escorting has changed me, I am no longer naive. ::) and scared to get married now!
But you recognise that your view is coloured by your personal experiences, and you're not trying to say that because you've found a certain thing to be the case then it must be true for the majority. What people find objectionable is sweeping generalisations about huge, diverse groups of people, especially when some of those people are us and others are our sons, partners, friends and family members.
oops, sorry. But they are just doing it for show though. lol for the camera/becuase they are getting paid. Maybe they enjoy taking a dildo as big as that. what do I know. I'm gonna try it now though. Ha
Well a man who has sex with animals would likely be a zoophile, and making porn for other zoophiles. Either that or somebody who can or has trained himself to be able to pretty much shag anything or anyone, in much the same way as some of us can and others find it difficult.
Either way, porn isn't going to tell us a lot about the real world :).
-
What about the female primal, primitive need for emotional long term security for her own and possible off spring? We can't escape our genes. Are men driven by the same need? Or are they driven to procreate full stop? :)
I would say that a need for long term security, emotional or otherwise, is nothing to do with gender and nor is it reliant on having a long term partner. Some people want and/or need one, others do not - plenty like a combination of both - and I'd also say that most of the neediest and most emotionally demanding people I personally have ever met have been men.
-
I believe the former is a skill developed for the point of obtaining money i.e separating the self/developing two personas (because women are wired to be emotionally involved in order to get intimate-fact) and the latter is a choice made because they get complete release and satisfaction from it (because men are wired differently).
Except that there are a lot of women, not just among escorts, who have NSA sex and enjoy it that way. Assuming everyone needs emotional involvement isn't a fact, it's a generalization. I'm not strictly cis, so I am not the best example, but I absolutely preferred totally unattached hook-ups until life circumstances forced me to settle down somewhat. And even after that I was a notorious cheater still - that stopped only after once I started escorting and purely because my now-partner greenlighted the job.
Likewise, plenty of social circles I mingle in have women who have no interest in involved relationships or family-making and would much rather have a good & game booty calls.
+1 here. I've always been a "hunter" type. It's just what I've always enjoyed. And escorting is just perfect for me, I actually get paid for sex;)))
Now as to the emotional involvement sure when I was younger I liked to think I was "in love" for 24 hours (or 12 or 8). But in fact it's always been the thrill, the adrenaline of seducing them, playing with them, making them want me and then having them:). Because this is what I love most, and for me this is quite a lot of emotions...
We are not "emotionally involved" with clients because there's no love/attachment/you name it. But for me each booking has to be somehow "enjoyable" because if not then I wouldn't be able to provide good service. And that "enjoyment" in itself is a tiny emotion as well. Not sure if I'm making myself clear, I tend to overthink things ;D ;D ;D
-
Well, I have been a single parent half of my life and financially and emotionally it has been horrendous. So I do think a need for security is in built in the female psyche. I have lived the reality of having to keep everything going.
-
I believe the former is a skill developed for the point of obtaining money i.e separating the self/developing two personas (because women are wired to be emotionally involved in order to get intimate-fact) and the latter is a choice made because they get complete release and satisfaction from it (because men are wired differently).
Except that there are a lot of women, not just among escorts, who have NSA sex and enjoy it that way. Assuming everyone needs emotional involvement isn't a fact, it's a generalization. I'm not strictly cis, so I am not the best example, but I absolutely preferred totally unattached hook-ups until life circumstances forced me to settle down somewhat. And even after that I was a notorious cheater still - that stopped only after once I started escorting and purely because my now-partner greenlighted the job.
Likewise, plenty of social circles I mingle in have women who have no interest in involved relationships or family-making and would much rather have a good & game booty calls.
+1 here. I've always been a "hunter" type. It's just what I've always enjoyed. And escorting is just perfect for me, I actually get paid for sex;)))
Now as to the emotional involvement sure when I was younger I liked to think I was "in love" for 24 hours (or 12 or 8). But in fact it's always been the thrill, the adrenaline of seducing them, playing with them, making them want me and then having them:). Because this is what I love most, and for me this is quite a lot of emotions...
We are not "emotionally involved" with clients because there's no love/attachment/you name it. But for me each booking has to be somehow "enjoyable" because if not then I wouldn't be able to provide good service. And that "enjoyment" in itself is a tiny emotion as well. Not sure if I'm making myself clear, I tend to overthink things ;D ;D ;D
I agree. I can enjoy sex with clients but...I also know how easy it is to get emotionally caught up with them without even realising I am...
-
What about the female primal, primitive need for emotional long term security for her own and possible off spring? We can't escape our genes. Are men driven by the same need? Or are they driven to procreate full stop? :)
I would say that a need for long term security, emotional or otherwise, is nothing to do with gender and nor is it reliant on having a long term partner. Some people want and/or need one, others do not - plenty like a combination of both - and I'd also say that most of the neediest and most emotionally demanding people I personally have ever met have been men.
I can't speak for the security for offspring angle, I find the idea of having children very offputting personally. But 'emotional security' is a very nebulous term and it's gonna mean different things to different people. It's also not gender-specific, as Amy pointed out - my partner is a lot needier than I am, and he is a cis man.
-
Well, I have been a single parent half of my life and financially and emotionally it has been horrendous. So I do think a need for security is in built in the female psyche. I have lived the reality of having to keep everything going.
Sorry Shewolf, but I don't follow the logic here. You have a need for security and so you've assumed that other women must be like you?
I'm a commitment phobe myself and run a mile when I feel a partner getting too close. Security to me sounds awfully constricting.
-
Well I'm 48, no children, never wanted any, would probably have gone into one or more LTRs if they'd happened, but they didn't - and I'm very happy with casual, non-emotional sex, civvy or paid!
One man's meat is another one's poison and all that.
-
Yes, this industry has definitely "changed" me. Some for the good, some not.
I have only been escorting consistently for over a year but within that time I now find that I make even less effort with friends and family, partly because I want to just chill out on my down time, partly because I can't stand lying to them. Every occasion with friends and family is just another opportunity for me to be caught out in some way.
I get very anxious when going out with friends or family in public places incase a client comes marching up to me or someone shouts something at me.
I find "civvy sex" pretty boring now and regularly can't orgasm, even with my partner. He's not so much into any of my newly found kinks and tricks.
I seem to have lost the true value of money, or rather, I do not have to save up notoriously for things that were previously luxuries to me.
Although I love this job, part of me want to leave it behind and start a new chapter in the civvy world; it is too damn difficult when I know I can earn a week's wage in 3 or 4 hours.
On the plus though, I have never felt more empowered, more independent and more wise to the bullshit men spout.
-
What about the female primal, primitive need for emotional long term security for her own and possible off spring? We can't escape our genes. Are men driven by the same need? Or are they driven to procreate full stop? :)
I would say that a need for long term security, emotional or otherwise, is nothing to do with gender and nor is it reliant on having a long term partner. Some people want and/or need one, others do not - plenty like a combination of both - and I'd also say that most of the neediest and most emotionally demanding people I personally have ever met have been men.
I can't speak for the security for offspring angle, I find the idea of having children very offputting personally. But 'emotional security' is a very nebulous term and it's gonna mean different things to different people. It's also not gender-specific, as Amy pointed out - my partner is a lot needier than I am, and he is a cis man.
Well men often have huge emotional insecurity issues. I have been in a serious long relationship twice and both my partners were extremely emotionally clingy and needy.
It was just exhausting.
I find that while women are expected to need emotional security it is often men who actually do seek it, in their own different ways.
I also believe that emotional security is something that you can't expect from the others. I like to believe that it's something I can offer myself by myself by taking care of myself. So that it comes from inside me and I don't need to seek it in others.
-
I also believe that emotional security is something that you can't expect from the others. I like to believe that it's something I can offer myself by myself by taking care of myself. So that it comes from inside me and I don't need to seek it in others.
My thoughts exactly. A relationship can -always- turn sour, from either end. You need to be secure in yourself first and not rely on others for that.
-
+1 here. I've always been a "hunter" type. It's just what I've always enjoyed. And escorting is just perfect for me, I actually get paid for sex;)))
Now as to the emotional involvement sure when I was younger I liked to think I was "in love" for 24 hours (or 12 or 8). But in fact it's always been the thrill, the adrenaline of seducing them, playing with them, making them want me and then having them:). Because this is what I love most, and for me this is quite a lot of emotions...
Same here, I love the excitement of the first flushes of 'love' and have had a marriage and several long term relationships (+ more than a few short term 'flings') But then once I've 'got' them sooner or later it starts to fade and get boring...At the minute I'm happy to have men for what I want ie; the money and sex ....The only possible reason I would want a man for now is household/car jobs, just a handyman will do ;D
-
I also believe that emotional security is something that you can't expect from the others. I like to believe that it's something I can offer myself by myself by taking care of myself. So that it comes from inside me and I don't need to seek it in others.
My thoughts exactly. A relationship can -always- turn sour, from either end. You need to be secure in yourself first and not rely on others for that.
100%. I'm a single mum, and yes it's hard, but there is literally no part of me that craves a long term partner. I am quite happy by myself.
-
I never realized HOW different men are from women before. I find it really incredible how important sex is to them, to the point where they'll have sex with just about any woman willing, and how often they need it, and how they are able to get off anywhere/with anyone-like Shewolf says, it really seems to be animal-like and even scary! Sex to them is like eating, a vital necessity, a need that simply must be met-anytime, anywhere and with pretty much anyone. To me, it's a bit mind-blowing.
I'm really surprised that anyone doing this job hasn't realised this before they even started. As far as I recall I knew that guys have a much stronger compulsion towards sex before I was even in my teens. After all it's the reason this job exists. Many species of animals are the same and some of them will even kill each other for sex. The only difference is that they don't understand why they do it.
-
Yes, this industry has definitely "changed" me. Some for the good, some not.
I have only been escorting consistently for over a year but within that time I now find that I make even less effort with friends and family, partly because I want to just chill out on my down time, partly because I can't stand lying to them. Every occasion with friends and family is just another opportunity for me to be caught out in some way.
I get very anxious when going out with friends or family in public places incase a client comes marching up to me or someone shouts something at me.
I find "civvy sex" pretty boring now and regularly can't orgasm, even with my partner. He's not so much into any of my newly found kinks and tricks.
I seem to have lost the true value of money, or rather, I do not have to save up notoriously for things that were previously luxuries to me.
Although I love this job, part of me want to leave it behind and start a new chapter in the civvy world; it is too damn difficult when I know I can earn a week's wage in 3 or 4 hours.
On the plus though, I have never felt more empowered, more independent and more wise to the bullshit men spout.
this is exactly how i am feeling lately, my new business is a way off yet but on the cards, i hope.
-
I admit I only read the first and last page of this thread and based on that nobody seemed to mention this.
Escorting has changed me in an unexpected way. I want sex first before I decide I want to get to know the person. Even better, an overnight with sleep time would be my ideal first date.
There are so many important things that I get to know, how attentive the man is, if he wants to satisfy me or he?s having sex alone, how he is on a typical day in his life, if he is going to bed freshly showered or having shower in the morning (its stupid to me why have shower for daily job but not for your woman, so disrespectful), if he?s jumping out of bed in the morning then proceed to be noisy while I?m still sleeping (putting on lights, brushing teeth loudly, not watching his steps on a wooden floor or stepping heavily, sleeping with TV on etc. Not to mention if the man likes having sex in the morning that I hate, or trying to get more sex and randomly grabbing my boobs or stroking my pussy
when I?m sleeping so it wakes me up and feel threatened and stressed.
Having had quite a few overnights with clients (sex + sleep, either with clients or civvie men, well they are men either way) I find I don?t feel secure or relaxed around most. I feel like the bedroom is an office where I need to expect stress and that to me is awful. The bedroom for me is sacred, it is where I relax. I get enough stress 9-5 or rather 9-9 that during the night I don?t want more. Many are only attentive during the date for 1-2hrs and not after.
When I was younger, late teens-early twenties I wanted things the traditional way, first get to know the person, if he has good intentions, if he is serious about the relationship, having dinner together, cinema together etc then sleep together only to find how awful he is in bed/around the bed. By that time the person thought we are together, bf-gf but I actually freaked out and did not want to hear from him again. Now I find before sex dating activities a waste of time and a distraction from the point. I no longer consider these meets dates, a date is when I sleep with the man, otherwise it was a meet.
If I?m gonna spend most nights for the next 30years or so with a person, I want to know what I can expect from him daily.
At this point in my life (mid-20s) I don?t care if the person is ?good? or ?bad', has a good job, has a good heart, good education etc if he annoys the hell out of me and could not tolerate another night with him, he goes to the bin (unless it was paid, on an occasional basis only)
I also have given a lot of thought about properties lately, particularly the layout. I think most nuisance could be solved with strong thick walls, concrete floor as opposed to wooden floor, having generous distance between bedroom and bathroom to avoid the noises reaching my ears while asleep. (who was that moron who thought a master bedroom with a bathroom attached was a good idea?) Although I think being careful with property selection is helpful, the intelligence part is still a big issue.
-
Escorting has definitely changed me. My body confidence has soared? Before I started this, I was one of those girls who'd go on dates but feel the need to point out I'm a bit chubby to save any disappointment. Most of my regular clients are young, attractive charming men who I'd never have thought would look twice at me because I'm plus size which is a nice boost to the ego!
It's reaffirmed that I don't need or want anyone in my life, not romantically at least. My last relationship found me making the admission that I didn't want to marry or have children because the reality is that I don't think I'm the kind of person that will settle for life. I think the seed was planted in my head long before I started this. I was in a sexless relationship and I remember wishing it was as easy for women to find a male escort. I love that I'm treated well *touch wood* by my clients, get to meet interesting people and pretty much have sex on tap.
I'm very close to my parents and I hate lying to them, that's the thing I struggle with. I probably care less for my friendships than I used to because I hate the questions about where I work and what I do so I tend to shut myself off from people. That said, I've always been a bit of a loner and I'm completely content in my own company, but it would be nice to have someone I can talk to if I'm having a bad day.
-
Lolapops. You have really struck such a chord with me.
I did a bit of escorting in my 20s when I was travelling and skint. I'm early 40s now and been back working for nearly a year.
After being through the wringer with 2 shit relationships ( mainly emotional but sometimes physical /sexual violence) lasting a total of 10 years. I really thought my sexual / happy / confident / goddess / ass kicking self was buried years ago!
Ive marketed myself as a part-time "old mans darling" and I seem to get them coming back repeatedly and I enjoy it. But don't fancy them. They love me....and I love it!
I've now had the confidence to try a couple of guys in their 20s. I've prob been really lucky but ive had no hassle.
I feel like I could take on the world in terms of confidence!
The downsides...I know that for me, I will never have another partner while I'm working. I'm not strong enough to have someone I really like turn against me because of my sideline. I could not cope with someone using it against me emotionally.
I feel like Im losing the closeness in my friendships. I'm not as available to see them. I need to work ( I'm paying of serious debt) and then the lies....
But I keep going. I will be debt free one day, non working and have loads of cats. I can't wait! :)
-
Naughtyforty, your cats comment made me giggle. My mum would love to see me settle down and my answer is always the same, "I'd much rather get a cat".
I much prefer my younger clients, they are so ridiculously sweet with me and the mutual attraction definitely helps. I've got a 23year old client that I'd keep locked in my bedroom given half the chance ;D That said, I've got some great older clients that I'm very fond of too. In some way or another, they've made me realise what and who I am in the best possible sense - I'm glad that much seems to be true for you too.
Definitely my issue is dealing with the days of loneliness but that's the great thing about these forums, you don't feel like you're on your own. Xx
-
One of the things what has changed me is texting.!! Why an earth with all the texts blimey it does get annoying at times. Then clients text some more despite me asking them to phone me. Text messages are easily interpreted don't they get it. After texting they don't phone my wasted time.
If only I could get away with telling them speak over the phone on my profile. This has been bothering me a lot today. While writing another text came through.
Many have been texting today. I understand they might be busy. But gezze.!!
Does any body else feel frustrated by them texting all the time.
-
Absolutely.
I've grown a backbone, for one. A lot more confident in myself, a lot more independent. Earning my own money (and so much of it) has given me a taste for that...
I guess primarily it has taught me to say "no" and given me a better idea of my personal boundaries.
-
Does any body else feel frustrated by them texting all the time.
Yes all the texts get on my nerves, they must think we're just sat looking at the phone 24/7. Mine is usually on silent in my bag from about 6pm ish til 9am. When I tried to explain this to someone the other day he looked at me like I had 2 heads or something ::)
-
Been doing this for 9 months. Im 42 and for the first time in my life, i feel confident about my body. The bits that i thought were hideous seem to be the bits that men love! I feel sexy, i have discovered i have nice eyes!
Watching porn no longer turns me on and if i didnt have my very kinky bdsm relationship with my fella, i really wouldnt want a man in my life.
I am a stronger, more independent and assertive woman. And i have never felt happier
-
I sat watching "The Human Stain" last night on Netflix & it made me feel ill & annoyed. The middle aged mediocre looking Anthony Hopkins character & the hot young Nicole Kidman character triggered me off into flinch mode & I had to turn it off. We're fed a load of shite by Hollywood anyway (cira the human centipede) but I find I'm increasingly insulted by movies & TV. It's a whole new world of awareness being in this game on many levels.
-
You are right. The British model of "beauty" is almost always based on how young or how young looking you are. I often find it bizarre that the female presenters on the news are all seemingly under mid-20s-30s (in fact, "very young and attractive") and male presenters tend to be always unattractive, balding, grey hair thin male in stark contrast (a man in his mid / in his late 50s). Just an old man most of the time. If young, nobody special, nobody who stands out. There are much better-looking punters in that age group. What bothers me is that it is fairly obvious that "TVs don't take female visual sense into account whilst we try to please male viewers by giving them young and fresh looking females. One BBC program sucked an "aging female presenter" and replaced with a blonde in her twenties. But male presenters? Always they are judged according to what they can do not based on how young they are, how "sexy" they are, what colour of hair they have (blonde preferred if female on BBC). Escorting does tell you, you don't need to be meeting what the mainstream society wants to see and you are still valued.
I also totally get texting, too. Post-punting texts do bother me if it goes on. "Thank you, had a great time" is nice but more than that....::) Not sure what's the protocol, is it rude to ignore post-punt texts if it's more than one? ::) I'm worried about it goes onto 5th.... ??? :(
This is probably one of the best threads on this site.
-
One thing that i have been thinking about is that my entire life I've been brought up to think that men are"prizes" (my culture is very patriarchal). A good man is what you get for being a good girl. And men are superior special beings that you have to act the "right" way to deserve.
I now know this is a bunch of bull.
So true!
-
My boundaries, in particular my ability to say "no" and "this is what I want" are so much better now.
Last night my BF took me to a swingers club. I've never been to one before, he goes fairly frequently. He picked me up, paid ?40 for my membership and then we went in.
OH FUCK IT WAS GRIM. Just really dark and horribly hot and what felt like at least 100 single men wandering around in towels and constantly, constantly just circling around me and getting closer. I felt like an injured fish in the water with a pack of sharks closing in. After 7 minutes I said to BF "I'm sorry but I feel really uncomfortable and unsafe and I want to leave. I feel really bad that you've paid but this is not going to be okay."
He was totally fine about it, in fact he was quite worried about me and was kicking himself for bringing me when he knows I have a history of sexual violence.
But before doing sex work, I would have just felt like "Well he paid for me so I'm gonna have to just suck it up and put up with it otherwise he'll be annoyed."
It's strange that being paid for sexual services makes me feel more able to refuse those services! But that's how it feels.
-
Escorting has made me stronger and confident in ways I didn't think it would. It has made me stand up for what I will and won't put up with, and made me much more assertive when dealing with men.
It has also certainly opened my eyes to the amount of men who seem to have an aversion to soap and water, and mens hygiene in general, which is on a totally different level to women.
I also think escorting has gradually made me much more cynical and defensive both in the job and outside of the job - which has its benefits and disadvantages.
So yes, escorting has definitely changed me as a person xx
-
I think escorting makes us a stronger person as we don't take any crap. We know some men just ain't much cop. Plenty of us have also had various relationships over the years and know how different men are from women and how much work relationships can be.
Having said that there are plenty of nice men out there but I don't do this job to pull - it still cheers me up though as sometimes it feels like a date for an hour etc.
It also stops me wanting/craving dates and romantic delusion. Romance just isn't real although can be fun. It wears off pretty quick. So many women are alarmingly naive out there who don't do this job and still fantasise that romance or rescue relationships are the answer. They are dependent needy women and this is pretty sad. I feel sorry for them poor sods.
-
There's enough scientific basis as to why men are more primitive and why they are territorial / perceive women as a commodity / property. Forget about feminism. If men weren't primitive, there's no escorting. Accept and celebrate the animals in them. Thank God. Bring it on! :)
-
There's enough scientific basis as to why men are more primitive and why they are territorial / perceive women as a commodity / property. Forget about feminism. If men weren't primitive, there's no escorting. Accept and celebrate the animals in them. Thank God. Bring it on! :)
Lucie, have you been at the home brew? :D
-
There's enough scientific basis as to why men are more primitive and why they are territorial / perceive women as a commodity / property. Forget about feminism. If men weren't primitive, there's no escorting. Accept and celebrate the animals in them. Thank God. Bring it on! :)
Looking at the mess on my duvet cover, I'll agree with this >:(
Thank god I instituted a system of a whoring duvet and a sleeping duvet ;D
-
Doing this job has changed me in a different way. It has made me paranoid and nervous to the extent that if I hear anyone outside my house, I'm straight behind the curtains spying on them to see what they are up to. It's the thought of being found out and it drives me crazy. I wonder if I'm the only sex worker who feels this way? It drives me bonkers! So, yes. Escorting has changed me by turning me into a nervous wreck!
-
Occasionally I have a phase of craving a man for a relationship. Then I quickly come to my senses thanks to this job. I know men are just totally different from us women. I think I would struggle with their hygiene and breath issues if I were to put up with one again. That said I wouldn't mind having a non-challenging relationship with somebody in a few more years.... This job keeps us in the loop and makes us feel wanted if you ask me. All in all a pretty neat job.
-
Lucie, have you been at the home brew? :D
;D ;D
-
Doing this job has changed me in a different way. It has made me paranoid and nervous to the extent that if I hear anyone outside my house, I'm straight behind the curtains spying on them to see what they are up to. It's the thought of being found out and it drives me crazy. I wonder if I'm the only sex worker who feels this way? It drives me bonkers! So, yes. Escorting has changed me by turning me into a nervous wreck!
I used to be like this, and decided to change it by being more open.
-
I don't mean to sound offensive but if the lady is on her own (no male presence in the house or flat), people are aware you/she is are on your /her own. People (e.g. neighbours) would normally assume (e.g.stereotype) that no decent men will "allow his significant others / his property" to entertain other men as escorts (e.g. you are locked down -old stereotype, I know) and you already have an extra shield from their scrutiny.
-
I know Mirror. I think working away from my home is the answer so at least I will be able to relax and have that as my safe zone.
-
I don't mean to sound offensive but if the lady is on her own (no male presence in the house or flat), people are aware you/she is are on your /her own. People (e.g. neighbours) would normally assume (e.g.stereotype) that no decent men will "allow his significant others / his property" to entertain other men as escorts (e.g. you are locked down -old stereotype, I know) and you already have an extra shield from their scrutiny.
I'm not sure what you mean?
I've been both single, living alone, in relationships and living with someone at different times in my sex work. It was during a period of singleness that I decided to stop hiding and being paranoid. At that time I fit right into another sex worker stereotype of alcohol problems and drug use, so a theory of appearing respectable or attached was hardly there! Getting sober long term however was the biggest help.
-
What I tried to mean in my rubbishy way is that many of us depend on a site like this as we haven't got much support leading to little anxiety and so on. But if you are not solo, you can "relax" and feel more open as you may be supported by your loving partner or husband, who was big enough to understand your escorting and the sort of troubles escorting could bring.
-
It has made me realise that there is more to life than escorting, before I was clouded by the money.
-
I don't date men, so its just a job to me. But before I started escorting, I had very little self confidence; I always seemed to wind up with idiots to boot as well who were brilliant at making me feel worse about myself. There is a funny story, although maybe just to me - I remember being in a well known underwear store with my then partner and picking up a corset saying, "wouldn't you like it if I wore something like that for you?"
My partner scoffed at me and made a comment about my stomach. I probably should have ran then, but my alter ego was a good year or so from even stirring at that point...
After I started escorting, I started to realise that maybe I wasn't what I thought I was in my head. I became a lot more confident; more self assured. With it, I became a lot more stereotypically feminine because that was what I wanted to do. For a while I did become a bit arrogant, but I think it was more to do with not dealing with unrelated things going on in my own life and using a persona to escape. But I had an amazing standard of living - I used to go away for the summer to see family overseas, I had a beautiful home, university was a breeze and I lived comfortably. And I came out of it incredibly confident. I've came out of relationships in tatters. Erm...
But downsides - I spent a lot of time incredibly lonely. Not necessarily wanting a relationship, because I liked being single. I just didn't think anyone would understand why I chose it, I suppose I walked around with a certain degree of internalised stigma as well. After a series of unfortunate events, I spent a good few months on... I don't know what the trendy name is. Sex work twitter? Whore twitter? But anyway, that Twitter bubble. And it made me laugh; think; cry; re-evaluate.
-
Yes it has definately changed me, mostly in a good way.
I am so much more confident with my body.
I was married for 15 yrs and never felt comfortable walking round naked as I have cellulite on my thighs.
Now I realise that men either don't notice or don't care about what most women perceive as 'flaws.'
I'm much more assertive now as well.
On a downside, I now realise that the majority of men are unfaithful at all ages.
I have a couple of regulars in their 70's.
Also it's affected my sex life with my partner. As myself, I'm not one for dressing up in sexy outfits, but my alter ego will as 'she' doesn't care how foolish she feels.
I find it difficult to put an outfit on if my partner requests it and rarely feel in the mood for sex with him.
Thankfully he's not got a big sex drive and is very understanding about my job.
So on the whole, I think I'm a better person now. Stronger, confident and feeling in control of my whole life.
I'm definately a happier person now than before I started escorting.
-
I discovered many aspects of my personality I didn't know in doing this job, and I feel definitely more confident with my body.
I started meeting occasionally, next to my work in Paris. It was a very interesting and exciting time for me as a "courtesan". Then, I came to London and worked with a cheap agency full time. I discovered another world... The busiest girls in this agency where "party girls". After few months refusing to take this "white powder", I finally surrendered and became one of the busiest party girl. There again, I discovered another part of myself, the fun and the dark side. Then I stopped, after feeling my body and mental health going down.
Now, I am independante on AW since the end of last year, in Heathrow hotels. Not the best clientele but busy. I had some bad experiences there which pushed my body stress level enough high to make me shake. With the time, I believe it affect the personality and the private life in a bad way if we are not careful.
I feel I am reaching my limits and I am thinking about getting out soon. If I would only meet regulars or gentlemen, it would be less stressful. :-)
-
I was becoming bitter but now deal with things differently they dont bother me as much now. I feel much happier.
-
I think it is just the isolation that is a bit shite. The job makes us much stronger as a person and far less needy of a man for a relationship. That is my experience anyway. If it wasn't for the lonely aspect of it coming and going it would be a dream job.
-
Why isolation? You are free to date if you wanted to do so? If you want to fall in love, why not? But I digress.
I doubt escorting changed me "as a person". I'm the same before and after. I do it for my own survival, food and heating bills etc. I wouldn't consider myself "amazing" unlike others on the other thread (no offence whatsoever intended). Having said that, I do accolade women who had to survive from their crisis situations and horrific trauma etc through escorting, which saved them from becoming homeless, losing her home, independence etc. Women are tough. Escorting probably makes us tougher (mentally, emotionally) if not physically as it is demanding.
-
I think it is just the isolation that is a bit shite. The job makes us much stronger as a person and far less needy of a man for a relationship. That is my experience anyway. If it wasn't for the lonely aspect of it coming and going it would be a dream job.
+1 Plus the double life. My biggest value is honesty so having to make up pathetic excuses to family and friends isnt good for my head. As a result I also find it very hard to trust anyone.
-
sweetmilf many of us suffer isolation in escorting I am more surprised that you cannot understand why.
We do not all want all and sundry knowing nor would many of us feel comfortable lying to any potential boyfriends. On the rare occasions I have found a man nice enough to bother with as a potential boyfriend he has never accepted me as an escort so I have given up on that front.
If I find someone just naturally without hunting them out on dating sites then maybe but I have not found guys accept the situation and do not wish to invite their judgement and lack of understanding into my world. I can do without the negativity. Also they don't understand what being an escort is like so the current fantasy is to find somebody through the job however it never ever happens as they are either bitter about their ex or drowning in issues, even on the rare occasions they do want to go out with me.
Since the job I am very quickly intolerant of a man's limitations and ways anyway so half the time I just can't be bother to take one on. If anything the job puts me off the dating scene even more. I am sure I speak for many.
-
There are loads of escorts on this site who are with someone or even some escorts are married! You have a choice. Being an escort doesn't necessarily mean we are all lonely and are deprived of love and affections. I'm hardly lonely, got other interests in life other than men in my life stage if it makes sense. But if you feel that way, I'm sure your feelings are just as valid. I just don't want punters to think we are all lonely because we're selling sex or escorting.
-
sweetmilf many of us suffer isolation in escorting I am more surprised that you cannot understand why.
We do not all want all and sundry knowing nor would many of us feel comfortable lying to any potential boyfriends. On the rare occasions I have found a man nice enough to bother with as a potential boyfriend he has never accepted me as an escort so I have given up on that front.
If I find someone just naturally without hunting them out on dating sites then maybe but I have not found guys accept the situation and do not wish to invite their judgement and lack of understanding into my world. I can do without the negativity. Also they don't understand what being an escort is like so the current fantasy is to find somebody through the job however it never ever happens as they are either bitter about their ex or drowning in issues, even on the rare occasions they do want to go out with me.
Since the job I am very quickly intolerant of a man's limitations and ways anyway so half the time I just can't be bother to take one on. If anything the job puts me off the dating scene even more. I am sure I speak for many.
I'm with you on that Lushblossom. Doesn't mean we are lonely, far from it. I have great friends in and out of sexwork and choose to keep it separate. I have also chosen not to have a relationship whilst escorting and that works for me
-
Single by choice and even if I wanted a BF finding a man off the street who would accept of my job would be few and far between, he would have to be broad minded maybe an open relationship or swinger type but awkwardly that's not the type of man (or lifestyle) I'd be interested in.
I don't want to tell a man I'm an escort as its private and MY business, I don't want to feel judged, or feel I have to justify myself, my work or worse have the fear it could be used as blackmail against me further down the line.
The practicalities or having a man in my life (aware/unaware of my job) isn't something that fills me with joy either, they eventually end up getting on my nerves, under my feet, annoy the hell out of me and make me yearn for freedom.
Younger escorts who are looking for a long term partner will have the most difficulty IMO.
-
Mature Helen you put it so well 'getting under my feet' you do make me laugh yes they have that effect on me these days. A few hours chatting to one and I can't wait to get back to my own space.
I don't always find the work isolating like I said it comes and goes. I don't believe in the belief that in order to be happy you have to be hooked up which is what society tends to promote. It is often a lot easier on our own than coping with any of the men left on the market. I am in my fifties and they all have far too much baggage, health and money problems and other offputting issues going on in their life. I think you have to be very tolerant to be in a relationship and I have just lost the skill it would seem!
-
Mature Helen you put it so well 'getting under my feet' you do make me laugh yes they have that effect on me these days. A few hours chatting to one and I can't wait to get back to my own space.
I don't always find the work isolating like I said it comes and goes. I don't believe in the belief that in order to be happy you have to be hooked up which is what society tends to promote. It is often a lot easier on our own than coping with any of the men left on the market. I am in my fifties and they all have far too much baggage, health and money problems and other offputting issues going on in their life. I think you have to be very tolerant to be in a relationship and I have just lost the skill it would seem!
I'm the same as you LB I'm late 50's and TBH he would have to be minted, drama free, happy to be at my beck and call, not hang around me, not bother me for sex, not contact me by phone or text, basically just come and go at my behest without question whilst adoring me. I don't hold out much hope so I'm extremely happy with my own company interjected with family and friends (but not too often or for too long because if they overstay I'm looking at the clock) lol
-
Single by choice and even if I wanted a BF finding a man off the street who would accept of my job would be few and far between, he would have to be broad minded maybe an open relationship or swinger type but awkwardly that's not the type of man (or lifestyle) I'd be interested in.
I don't want to tell a man I'm an escort as its private and MY business, I don't want to feel judged, or feel I have to justify myself, my work or worse have the fear it could be used as blackmail against me further down the line.
The practicalities or having a man in my life (aware/unaware of my job) isn't something that fills me with joy either, they eventually end up getting on my nerves, under my feet, annoy the hell out of me and make me yearn for freedom.
Younger escorts who are looking for a long term partner will have the most difficulty IMO.
This is why I have giving up on dating can't be asked any more with the agro. I prefer my own space and not a big fan of having others around me except family and friends.
I never used to be like this but am doing my own thing now.
-
This is why I have giving up on dating can't be asked any more with the agro. I prefer my own space and not a big fan of having others around me except family and friends.
I never used to be like this but am doing my own thing now.
Singledom/freedom/independence is amazing I wouldn't want to give it up now.
I find people especially large groups exhausting I prefer an occasional one to one or small groups more enjoyable.
With men for me they fall into 3 categories family, friend or punter.
Living life like this makes everything relaxing, calm and drama free..
-
Singledom/freedom/independence is amazing I wouldn't want to give it up now.
I find people especially large groups exhausting I prefer an occasional one to one or small groups more enjoyable.
With men for me they fall into 3 categories family, friend or punter.
Living life like this makes everything relaxing, calm and drama free..
Definitely having freedom means a lot to try new things on my own is more of an achievement to me. Also escorting has lost me interest in having sex outside so helps me live like this. I do still have horny moments in bookings. I know we have got our different reasons. Xx.
-
Definitely having freedom means a lot to try new things on my own is more of an achievement to me. Also escorting has lost me interest in having sex outside so helps me live like this. I do still have horny moments in bookings. I know we have got our different reasons. Xx.
Even without a partner due to this work I get more than enough sex and even though I'm paid for it I can occasionally enjoy it so its brilliant for me.
Sex for pleasure doesn't interest me.
-
I love the idea of sex for pleasure but it is exceedingly rare that I find one attractive enough to even contemplate doing for free.
There was one guy I struck up a friendship with but whereas I like him as a person I just do not fancy him and there has to be enough physical chemistry so it is pointless. I am having a lonely phase at the minute as feeling a bit rundown from the hayfever season but I just don't wish to drop my standards and get involved.
As we see so many men I think my standards of physical attractiveness and hygiene are now quite high. Even a hint of bad breath and I am totally put off since I see so many like that. Hairy bushes down below ain't my thing either I met up with this guy but he hadn't even bothered to shave and that is a big no no for me. Totally offputting sadly. He had promised to shave but then didn't get round to it .... Anyway we were only fumbling in his car so I didn't lose too much time or energy over it.
I think the job makes us even more intolerant of men if they are unattractive or smell as we get that in the job so we don't seek it outside work!! I think the old me might have put up with some of these characteristics if I found them engaging company etc. Now I just don't bother. All ingredients have to be there these days and none are around who fit the bill. It is also inordinately difficult to find one who can accept me as an escort.
Anyway I will get over the hayfever and cheer up soon but I do feel I have gone very fussy.
-
I think the job makes us even more intolerant of men if they are unattractive or smell as we get that in the job so we don't seek it outside work!!
Might just be me, but the gig's made me actually more mellow when it comes to appearances and more able to find something appealing about most people. I was very readily put off by body weight, blemishes, age, what have you, but that stopped rather rapidly after the first few months in the business.
-
Single by choice and even if I wanted a BF finding a man off the street who would accept of my job would be few and far between, he would have to be broad minded maybe an open relationship or swinger type but awkwardly that's not the type of man (or lifestyle) I'd be interested in.
-
Not sure what I did with the quote above but in response to it;
I totally agree with the above. I have tried boyfriends whilst working as an escort but after 10yrs arrived at the conclusion that its not for me.
-
I still harbour hopes of finding one suitable one fine day but ain't going to just take anybody on just for the sake of a companion.
I think this recent one I would have only ended up carrying him he had too many personal problems.
-
I still harbour hopes of finding one suitable one fine day but ain't going to just take anybody on just for the sake of a companion.
I think this recent one I would have only ended up carrying him he had too many personal problems.
I get an impression that you want to find someone. Match dot com is said to be very good. Couldn't you even consider changing a job if you met the right one? I wasn't working in this industry for the past 15 years when I had a civvie relationship. If you have had LTRs and it/they didn't work out, that doesn't mean you should stay single forever. Life is one chance as you know. Don't regret it when you are much older. Good luck, whatever you decide. Giving up only after one man didn't work out, is way too soon.
-
Well back to thinking what an earth am I doing dealing with these for.
-
I would never give up the job over a bloke the job suits my circumstances and my health issues.
I have given up on dating sites nobody accepts an escort at least in my experience. Anyway I am a great believer that when the time is ripe the right one will come along. I always attract victims my friends are often telling me!
-
I always attract victims my friends are often telling me!
You don't have to tell them when you're just "dating". Maybe, you're a little like me, worry about what's too far ahead as I tend to do. If you tell random men that you escort, they think you're loaded (even if we are not) and may try to use you like your friends say, jokingly. But I get what you mean, health problems and escorting. If it isn't the right time, you'll know it. xx
-
this is interesting
I've not read the whole thread
but here's my 2 cents
it has changed me im a lot less trusting and i know how to read and understand men more. doing this for as long as i have its hard sometimes to separate the two, like dating i feel like sex is easy means nothing but it does you know.
its like you always expect it and always prepared for it hahaha you know.
-
Bfs and escorting aint for me either. I dont trust guys i meet who say they want to date me. I think they are after free sex. I would have to meet a guy not through escorting if he was to become a bf. But i am so distrusting of men now i know that most ive seen are married x
-
Bfs and escorting aint for me either. I dont trust guys i meet who say they want to date me. I think they are after free sex. I would have to meet a guy not through escorting if he was to become a bf. But i am so distrusting of men now i know that most ive seen are married x
yup see the ring and thing whyyyyy
ive had a guy whos wife was so fed up she was in the other room and just let it happen
-
yup see the ring and thing whyyyyy
ive had a guy whos wife was so fed up she was in the other room and just let it happen
Wow I could imagine her having a glass of wine saying fuck him lol.
-
I definitely believe no man is faithful any more this job has tarnished my view on fidelity!
-
I let go of the monogamy myth a long time ago. I think unless someone is asexual then in the "right" circumstances they will bang someone else. It's irrelevant whether they're getting loads of good sex at home, we're programmed by nature to want sex with a variety of partners. Monogamy is a social and political construct that is responsible for more misery and broken marriages than anything else. It sets relationships up to fail. The game is rigged!
I had a client last night, I asked if he was working in the area. He said no I've been down to X city to pick up a new car for my wife so I thought I'd have a bit of fun for myself on the way home.
It doesn't bother me as long as they don't slap off their wives
If they do then I get quite sharp with them. I've blocked a couple who were so contemptuous of their wives and wanted me to agree with them. Ugh.
-
Escorting changed me in many ways, but I think any job changes people to an extent. Strangely, for every negative change, another positive one popped up.
For example I became less tolerant of people who don't stick to my rules, but on the other hand I became more assertive.
On the topic of bfs, I became less trusting, not only of potential partners, but people in general. But I also developed a better screening mindset and ended up with a good partner, whom I also met through this work.
-
I hate cohabiting and agree monogamy is hard. I don't think it is healthy to just limit oneself.
-
I'd also find cohabitating really hard but if I ever did it again I'd have no problem being monogamous with the right man.
-
I let go of the monogamy myth a long time ago. I think unless someone is asexual then in the "right" circumstances they will bang someone else. It's irrelevant whether they're getting loads of good sex at home, we're programmed by nature to want sex with a variety of partners.
Agree 100% with the above!
-
I'd also find cohabitating really hard but if I ever did it again I'd have no problem being monogamous with the right man.
I agree.
Not everyone does sleep around. If you're liberated or liberal, you may have seen loads of players in your life and then you have seen so many men who use escorts. That doesn't mean everyone will be promiscuous or these men will always stay promiscuous. They just haven't found the one. But there are players, who act like a genuine man seeking an LTR and you need to weed them out like TWs in escorting. On the other hand, if you're near perimenopause age, your hormones may be raging and it's not the right time to think about monogamy at all. Once you've gone past that, your thinking may change. ;D
-
It has made an impact on me only realising now to what extent. The on and up I say there is life waiting for me and I am a nun now serious. Not interested in men for sex give me a sexless man any day.
Escorting isn't natural really thinking about it it is all fake even clients fake fake fake. Any way not too long left.
I cringed a few days ago during.
Yeah you can tell I have had enough of them wankers. .
-
Certainly this job opens your eyes to how unfaithful many people can be in their relationships, but would you say you're glad of the information?
If I'm honest, I think I'd rather not have found out, because I can see it effecting trust levels in future relationships.
-
It has definitely made me less trusting of men staying faithful, something I never had a problem with at all in the past.
Then again I never find anybody I like to stay in a relationship with for any length of time, doing the job has possibly put me off relationships.
-
Certainly this job opens your eyes to how unfaithful many people can be in their relationships, but would you say you're glad of the information?
If I'm honest, I think I'd rather not have found out, because I can see it effecting trust levels in future relationships.
I am 100% glad because I know all the cheating signs and know a lot of men play away why because one pussy is not enough. Before I knew men were liers but not a cheating trend. Rarther not knowing the truth is like being indenile at least men's dirty antics are made well aware of. Escorting has confirmed men can't be trusted. I mean what are the odds with over 500 plus cheaters of the faithful one if they exist.
Men are born players.
-
Its done wonders for my self esteem and confidence. But I worry about being attacked and I think in some ways Im nervous about travelling everywhere on trains, whereas in my 'normal life' I loved it.