I think it's the kind of thing you definitely need to take notice of and question and, more importantly, be honest about. I'm sure a lot of girls reach that point when they know they're ready to 'retire' or maybe take a long break from the industry.

What do you feel the answer is, do YOU think you don't want to do it any more or do you think you might just be suffering from burnout? I've had burnout in the past but the thought of going out to work has never reduced me to tears to that extent before, I usually just get grumpy and want to ignore my work phone.

Hi Natz

I'm an indie,and have felt like you do and particulary at the mo.I'm def burning myself out and plan at least a month off asap.Think its the nature of the job to get to this point now and again.It takes a very special person to keep strong in this industry and think we all need time out now and again.
Also try to think of a second career like has been said,something to fall back on.Thats what I am trying todo too.
In the meantime if you can afford it,take a few days off maybe,time to yourself,or cut your hours down for a few weeks,am sure you will feel better for it wether you decide to stay in the industry or not,you will feel more level headed to make that descion.Know how you feel,so do!.

Hugs to you

S x x x

Sounds like you need a wee break darling  I have moments like this, and so take a few days off to sort my head out. I think it's perfectly normal, because our job is very physically and mentally exhausting. 

Nat in the space of 3months you have moved home its been sodding xmas and it bloody jan and it cold ( well its not where I am at the moment in thailand) what I'm saying is this time of year is shit factor in that you have moved and its double shit
Ihave for the past 10 years buggered of for most of jan and feb for sunier places and its works a treat if you can't just eat load of chocolates and watch jeremy kyle

Babble away Natalie, if you wish.  I know I've done it often enough on here and its been a big help.

But equally if you  don't feel comfortable with it just take it easy.

Come back soon Nat and let us know how you're getting on. I really enjoy reading your posts and I hope this is just a blip caused by over tiredness and a generally rubbishy time of year. You've got your head screwed on the right way and I think you'll get over this but be gentle with yourself until you do. Hope you're feeling perkier soon x

KS

 Morning girlies. I must be gluten for punishment as I just can't resist logging onto this fab site and checking in on everyone even though doing so makes me feel like I am going to be physically sick.

 Well last night inspite of all the press reports that are happening in Belfast I booked flights home for tomorrow night. I have no choice, my rent needs paid in a few days. The very thought of boarding that plane is inducing horrible panic attacks, panic attacks I haven't suffered since I married my soon to be ex husband Lol.

 Before I 'joined' the parlour I was feeling optimistic about working over here in Wales and was looking forward to a new year with a new man and home and job. I had expected the parlour to be very busy with as you say EmilyJones 15 guys a day however the most I have seen is 3. I can cope, just about, with the dramatic drop in money if the work is plentiful but when I am only seeing a few guys a day it is hard. Then on the last day I worked there I seen one and by the time I had paid my shift money I had to borrow a tenner to get home so I had sat for 13 hours for no purpose at all. this really disheartened me and added to my low mood.

Don't get me wrong though, the parlour (that episode aside) is very fair and lovely and has a fab bunch of girls. However last night, needing to get my outfits etc to take home with me, I had to get my fiance to pick them up as even on the drive down I felt lightheaded and queasy.
 
I've felt in the past "Oh feck this I'm getting a normal job" then a split second later been laughing with my best mate and thinking 'as if I'd give up this money and freedom" but now I am thinking what I wouldn't give for a steady income and hours and usual early mornings to bitch about.

***Dam it!!! Que massive gulps of tears***Can't bloody stop, God I'm a wreck! Lol.***

I've really started to get worried about STD's even though I don't offer OWO etc etc I worry that condoms are ONLY 99% effective and what if they rip?! My fiance and I are trying for kids and it's stressing me that I have had problems before, for years, and I am thinking what if it's my body stopping me from getting pregnant whilst I am doing this work. Even though I know lots of mummies do this job it's just my thinking at the moment!

And where-as before I could switch off and make a guy believe he was just the best lover and be so passionate (to a point, I'd never be like that with a total smelly troll LOL) now the thought of anyone else near me makes me cringe in disgust. I don't want someone else inside me and especially not licking me. When me and my fiance are in bed it's playing in my head too and stopping me enjoying him as much!

I've now had since Wednesday off and I only turned my phone on last night. It doesn't feel I have had any time off, maybe cause I haven't been able to fully relax as I know I am going back and am not in a position to stop right now.
 My fiance is a total gem and supports and helps me no end however he is increasingly unhappy with my work and has started saying everyday how he can't take it any more and how he just wishes I was his and only his.
 Now don't get me wrong as he his not shouting at me or anything and he would support me if I carried on. Last night though I snapped and told him "that as you can't provide for us I have no fucking choice and untill you can so I won't be stopping. I hate what I do but it's my choice who I fuck and for how long I fucking do this for. You're not making it any easier and as I have no choice you're being highly unfair putting this extra pressure on me." I felt bad as he works very very hard and has always done his best for me and if he didn't give a shit who I screwed I would be upset. Am I being too hard on him? He is saying that he notices how when I am not working and I am at home I am so loving and easy going but the minute my work phone goes on etc I become hard faced and unaffectionate which I explain as my way of coping. I detest if I go to leave the livingroom (self catering apartment in Belfast) to see a client in the bedroom and my OH tries to kiss me and tell me he loves me. I either feel like crying or kicking him in the balls. I usually stiffle the tears and snap at him!
  I have considered that I will stop working here in Wales in the parlour and will only fly to Belfast once a month for a week. This will pay the rent and a few bills etc. However the reason I started in the parlour was so as I didn't have to be away from home every three weeks. The parlour means I am out of the house for 14 hours a day though!

I have thought of going independent here and I suppose I should advertise properly and book into a hotel with a safety buddy. One of the girls from the parlour has asked if I would like to work in Bristol one day next week or something to see how it goes. She only does dom and hand relief now. I have considered that myself before but always dismissed it as it's easier to just shag the guy Lol although I do offer dom too. To be honest now though, even doing that would put my head away I think as it's just not routine enough. I can't believe I am even craving routine, me that loves to do as I please. Ps: EmilyJones the secondary income idea I'm liking and considering.

You have all gave such good advice and I really do appreciate it all. I'm sorry if it seems I am rambling, I just really needed to say all that while I feel a little stronger, although now I am gurning my eyes out again! Oh dear! Lol.
 
 Natz Xx