Author Topic: The Age Thing .... How Do You Deal With It? (Read 6690 times)

francesca_d2011 · « **on:** 05 July 2012, 12:56:25 pm »

Hello ladies,

Sorry for just barging in when I hardly ever post...which is basically because I worry that anything I write is going to sound completely stupid.

But I needed to rant, and this is the only place where escorts can share stuff like this and not feel embarrassed about it.
God bless Saafe.So recently I finally took a big leap and put my REAL AGE on all my profiles (felt too guilty about lying about it anymore) and shocker, my emails, enquiries, calls, hits on my website, have taken a huge nosedive.
This was of course to be expected, as 'mature' is a 'niche' so i will not be as popular as the 20 somethings. But for all you ladies who are older, how do you deal with it?
When I'm checking my ads on different sites, I am bombarded with images of perfect, skinny, 18 year-26 year olds, and it's really disheartening. I just think Who the hell's gonna pick that over me?

The reason I put my real age on my profile is because I had 3 photo shoots recently, and it really was a major wake-up call for me, as I looked terrible, ugly and old, every wrinkle and fold showing up - which I don't see in my mirror at home, so I was blissfully unaware I looked so grotesque. So I decided I can't fool people any longer saying I'm mid 30's when I actually look like this. None of my clients have complained or made comments, but then again I have no regulars, and though guys have a great time, they never come back (except on the rare occasion).

I put that down to the fact that I'm just too old now and they'd rather have something more 'fresh'.
I'm in my early 40's. Sorry for the pity party but I'm feeling low and my level of insecurity is HUGE ..

This is impacting on my business big time, since when I feel like this, I cannot put on the sexy act, and be the social butterfly and super-seductive, it's almost impossible. I can fake it to make it to some extent, but right now I can't get over this hurdle. I try to look after myself, (make up, hair, eating properly, exercise) but to be honest at this stage nothing can save me but 100,000 sessions of botox, fillers and liposuction.

I've been ignoring my phone (the few times it rang) and cancelled an app.ment today cos I just cannot go through with it and I'm also cancelling my app.ment this evening - the guy had asked for a dinner date and I actually said no to the dinner, and that I could only do an incall cos I feel too EMBARRASSED to go out with the poor guy looking like an old hag. Well i can't even go through with just an incall now, so I'm gonna have to cancel.
How can we compete with all those billions of stunning perfect young girls out there, I just feel like I haven't got the strength anymore. I advertise myself, right left and centre, but I think 'For what?' - i get so little attention. my pics haven't changed, but clearly my age scares the guys off and you can't see them for dust.

No worries about advice, I just felt I needed a rant, and wondering if anyone empathises. It just helps to know. I have zero people to share these things with (having just ONE friend, and he's male).

P.S. I tried to join all the 'mature' escort online directories, but they have completely ignored me. Clearly I look good enough for UK belles and the like, but not for vintage vamps, secret boudoir etc.

Kimmy · « **Reply #1 on:** 05 July 2012, 01:19:49 pm »

Quote from: francesca_d2011 on 05 July 2012, 12:56:25 pm

Hello ladies,

Sorry for just barging in when I hardly ever post...which is basically because I worry that anything I write is going to sound completely stupid.

But I needed to rant, and this is the only place where escorts can share stuff like this and not feel embarrassed about it.
God bless Saafe.So recently I finally took a big leap and put my REAL AGE on all my profiles (felt too guilty about lying about it anymore) and shocker, my emails, enquiries, calls, hits on my website, have taken a huge nosedive.
This was of course to be expected, as 'mature' is a 'niche' so i will not be as popular as the 20 somethings. But for all you ladies who are older, how do you deal with it?
When I'm checking my ads on different sites, I am bombarded with images of perfect, skinny, 18 year-26 year olds, and it's really disheartening. I just think Who the hell's gonna pick that over me?

The reason I put my real age on my profile is because I had 3 photo shoots recently, and it really was a major wake-up call for me, as I looked terrible, ugly and old, every wrinkle and fold showing up - which I don't see in my mirror at home, so I was blissfully unaware I looked so grotesque. So I decided I can't fool people any longer saying I'm mid 30's when I actually look like this. None of my clients have complained or made comments, but then again I have no regulars, and though guys have a great time, they never come back (except on the rare occasion).

I put that down to the fact that I'm just too old now and they'd rather have something more 'fresh'.
I'm in my early 40's. Sorry for the pity party but I'm feeling low and my level of insecurity is HUGE ..

This is impacting on my business big time, since when I feel like this, I cannot put on the sexy act, and be the social butterfly and super-seductive, it's almost impossible. I can fake it to make it to some extent, but right now I can't get over this hurdle. I try to look after myself, (make up, hair, eating properly, exercise) but to be honest at this stage nothing can save me but 100,000 sessions of botox, fillers and liposuction.

I've been ignoring my phone (the few times it rang) and cancelled an app.ment today cos I just cannot go through with it and I'm also cancelling my app.ment this evening - the guy had asked for a dinner date and I actually said no to the dinner, and that I could only do an incall cos I feel too EMBARRASSED to go out with the poor guy looking like an old hag. Well i can't even go through with just an incall now, so I'm gonna have to cancel.
How can we compete with all those billions of stunning perfect young girls out there, I just feel like I haven't got the strength anymore. I advertise myself, right left and centre, but I think 'For what?' - i get so little attention. my pics haven't changed, but clearly my age scares the guys off and you can't see them for dust.

No worries about advice, I just felt I needed a rant, and wondering if anyone empathises. It just helps to know. I have zero people to share these things with (having just ONE friend, and he's male).

P.S. I tried to join all the 'mature' escort online directories, but they have completely ignored me. Clearly I look good enough for UK belles and the like, but not for vintage vamps, secret boudoir etc.

Awww hun I'm so sorry, its awful feeling like this *big hugs*

I'm young myself but still have felt insecure when seeing other ads of girls who often appear to look like models, infact I remember before i took the plunge on my first parlour it took me months to grasp the courage as on the website the girls all looked so gorgeous and I thought I didnt stand a chance!

Then I started working there and realised a lot of it is smoke camera magic, and no one is perfect, I honestly worry about my looks and body a lot less since

I cant give any advice about age etc being only 20 but i know how hard it is not feeling good enough, try a detox programme eating lots of fresh fruit getting some exercise, sleep and drinking lots of water, that helps you to feel and look better

Try not to put your lack of work down to your age, there are ladies in their 60s still working and getting clients, maybe its just a slow patch for you, though its so easy to start blaming yourself and the way you look when times are slow

iv got anxiety and depression and sometimes have to cancel meetings when I dont feel up to it, thats fine but you should try and not let it put you off working, those are guys that want to come and see you

as for guys not coming back, I get that a lot, I have a few guys that only book once or twice a year and not that many regulars but I still do fine with new bookings and one or 2 regs a week

I hope a more experienced lady comes and gives you some better advice soon hun, hope your ok

xxxxx

Sarita · « **Reply #2 on:** 05 July 2012, 01:59:30 pm »

I'm 53. Men book me and lots of them come back and some have been doing so for several years.
As far as I'm concerned that's all I need to worry about and in all honesty I think it's harder to stand out from the crowd if you're one out of god knows how many thousand young, slim wgs.

The vast majority of my clients are younger than me and for whatever reason they want to have fun with an older woman. They know I have a few wrinkles and so on, but it doesn't seem to be an issue for them so why should it be an issue for me?
I didn't start in this business till I was 46 and it's never seemed to be a big hindrance.
Just get on with it is my advice!

Sarita · « **Reply #3 on:** 05 July 2012, 02:03:44 pm »

Just to add - you aren't too old! You just need to market yourself differently. Obviously you can't compete with the young women because you aren't one, so why bother trying?

If you're honest and upfront about your age and who you are (and make a feature of it) then the guys who like older women will find you.
Believe me, there are loads of guys out there who like their women a little more mature!

Sorry, I just reread your post and saw you weren't looking for advice, but empathy.
Well I can empathise too. I hate being this age but it's on a purely personal level and not linked with my appearance or connected with my business.

Dani · « **Reply #4 on:** 05 July 2012, 02:21:32 pm »

Only have botox and fillers if YOU want to not for the clients. I admit I have fillers under my eyes as my meds give me a sunken hollow eyed look so I have to. Botox is good for a temporary brow lift etc but can cause awful headaches amd only lasts a few months.

At the end of the day only you can make yourself feel sexy. Being older often makes me wonder if I would be busier if I were young and the answer is always yes but my clients see me because I am fun, bubbly, full of life and more experienced. Not everyone wants a youngster same as theey dont all want a size 0 girl either. (Thankfully).

There is a large market for us older women otherwise there would not be so many on AW would there. If there was no work they would have all left.

As for the photoshoots who the hell did your photos??? A phtographer is supposed to use lighting to bring out your best side not the worst. believe me I have had some photo taken that have added 15 - 20 years onto me and they all went into the bin.
You need some photos taken by someone who can make you look good. Like you said you dont see these imperfections in the mirror and if you dont see them in the mirror then they should not show in photos. To me it just sounds like you had a bad photographer who took god awful photos and used the wrong lighting.

As for regulars, I do not know what to suggest as I have quite a few even though I have no idea why they keep coming back. Its a strange one as some will and some wont and you will never know why

francesca_d2011 · « **Reply #5 on:** 05 July 2012, 02:31:19 pm »

Quote from: Kimmy on 05 July 2012, 01:19:49 pm

Try not to put your lack of work down to your age, there are ladies in their 60s still working and getting clients, maybe its just a slow patch for you, though its so easy to start blaming yourself and the way you look when times are slow

iv got anxiety and depression and sometimes have to cancel meetings when I dont feel up to it, thats fine but you should try and not let it put you off working, those are guys that want to come and see you

as for guys not coming back, I get that a lot, I have a few guys that only book once or twice a year and not that many regulars but I still do fine with new bookings and one or 2 regs a week

I hope a more experienced lady comes and gives you some better advice soon hun, hope your ok xxxxx

Thanks Kimmy, that made me feel better, I feel like I'm the only person who never gets repeat visits sometimes, to be honest. I think i've gone a bit hysterical since those blasted photo shoots. Maybe it's just dry patch, but the drop has been so sudden, that I can't help thinking there's a barrier at 39 that a lot of guys won't cross.
Thanks for being sympathetic

even though I sound like a drip.
I'm totally expecting someone to tell me to sod off, go get another job, or grow a thicker skin.

So I'm sat like a lemon having cancelled 2 guys and then just got a call and said I was indisposed.
I'm self-sabotaging my business, but girls you must know what it's like when your confidence gets a real knock you just can't put on that sex kitten act, if you feel about as sexy as a slug.

Quote from: Sarita on 05 July 2012, 01:59:30 pm

I'm 53. Men book me and lots of them come back and some have been doing so for several years.
As far as I'm concerned that's all I need to worry about and in all honesty I think it's harder to stand out from the crowd if you're one out of god knows how many thousand young, slim wgs.

The vast majority of my clients are younger than me and for whatever reason they want to have fun with an older woman. They know I have a few wrinkles and so on, but it doesn't seem to be an issue for them so why should it be an issue for me?
I didn't start in this business till I was 46 and it's never seemed to be a big hindrance.
Just get on with it is my advice!

Thanks for your helpful advice Sarita, I guess I'm not really marketing myself properly as an 'older woman' but then I've just put my real age up, and I don't even know where to start, to make 'older' seem 'attractive' You know how so many freaking men are obsessed with youth, I see it all around me, and it's demoralising as hell.
I didn't start looking my age until 2 years go, now I just look like crap.

Oh, I am totally not trying to compete with the younger 20 somethings, but I just feel that men are just totally blinded by the sight of these girls on these sites - there are so many and every site is full to bursting with these girls - who actually, I have noticed myself, all seem to look the same! But men still seem to prefer them.
Perhaps I should ALSO stay off punter forums and not read stuff about how they prefer the 'under-20's' cos want them 'fresh'; made me feel a like a past-expiry-date banana.

Anyway, you've inspired me - starting at age 46 is quite amazing and gives me hope, but obviously you have acquired top notch marketing skills which I still have to learn along the way. In all the years I escorted in the past, the internet didn't exist so this is all pretty new to me.
Thanks again for your advice.

Mellow · « **Reply #6 on:** 05 July 2012, 02:44:29 pm »

Quote from: francesca_d2011 on 05 July 2012, 02:31:19 pm

So I'm sat like a lemon having cancelled 2 guys and then just got a call and said I was indisposed.
I'm self-sabotaging my business, but girls you must know what it's like when your confidence gets a real knock you just can't put on that sex kitten act, if you feel about as sexy as a slug.

Perhaps a short break is in order if you manage it financially, you don't need to go away or spend a fortune, just a couple of days pampering yourself and seeing friends can really help when you are feeling like this.

Quote from: francesca_d2011 on 05 July 2012, 02:31:19 pm

Perhaps I should ALSO stay off punter forums and not read stuff about how they prefer the 'under-20's' cos want them 'fresh'; made me feel a like a past-expiry-date banana.

Please please stay away from Punter forums, they can be very poisenous places, especially if you are feeling in a vulnerable state in the first place. I steer clear of them totally as the few times I went on them last year they made me feel totally miserable and unattractive.

I'm not that far off you in age (veering towards late 30s) and I agree it can get to you at times especially if you are having a quiet period/having a stressful time etc. I try (ha!) and let it go over my head, not that I always suceed mind, but I do understand

francesca_d2011 · « **Reply #7 on:** 05 July 2012, 02:51:48 pm »

Quote from: Dani on 05 July 2012, 02:21:32 pm

Only have botox and fillers if YOU want to not for the clients. I admit I have fillers under my eyes as my meds give me a sunken hollow eyed look so I have to. Botox is good for a temporary brow lift etc but can cause awful headaches amd only lasts a few months.

At the end of the day only you can make yourself feel sexy. Being older often makes me wonder if I would be busier if I were young and the answer is always yes but my clients see me because I am fun, bubbly, full of life and more experienced. Not everyone wants a youngster same as theey dont all want a size 0 girl either. (Thankfully).

There is a large market for us older women otherwise there would not be so many on AW would there. If there was no work they would have all left.

As for the photoshoots who the hell did your photos??? A phtographer is supposed to use lighting to bring out your best side not the worst. believe me I have had some photo taken that have added 15 - 20 years onto me and they all went into the bin.
You need some photos taken by someone who can make you look good. Like you said you dont see these imperfections in the mirror and if you dont see them in the mirror then they should not show in photos. To me it just sounds like you had a bad photographer who took god awful photos and used the wrong lighting.

As for regulars, I do not know what to suggest as I have quite a few even though I have no idea why they keep coming back. Its a strange one as some will and some wont and you will never know why

Sorry Dani, just saw your post. You guys are right of course, there is a market out there definitely and I have seen over-50's on AW and I think I'm just going through some freaking mid life crisis. I love this job, and I don't want to have to give it up for this huge feeling of inferiority/insecurity.

I know it's not all about looks, and god knows I try to be as sociable and considerate and sweet and kind and sexually confident, etc with clients, but I think it must be something else that is turning them off, I have no idea.

Perhaps you're right about the photographers. I'm very UNphotogenic, but I swear I just looked ready godawful in those photos - I paid ?300 for one of these shoots!! I think these profesh places just have too much lighting, god knows. I got my friend to take pictures with his iphone and they actually were more flattering but of course the quality is not as good. I'm glad i'm not the only one who came out looking 20 years older after a shoot!

Talking of AW, I know there are a lot of older women on there, but I have gone from a few emails a day, to NOTHING.
It's been like that for the past few days, I have to put it down to age, and just realise I'm gonna be earning a lot less money from now on.
C'est la vie as they say.

I wouldn't do botox and fillers just for clients, but also for myself, cos I've started looking different over the past 2 years and I really can't stand to even look at myself anymore. Anyway, i can't it cos I'm totally broke, so that'll have to wait. I was even thinking of getting a boob job, to give me an 'edge' - yes deffo mid life crisis!!! I perhaps should give this up and go back to boring admin PA and financials instead. Why can't I just get a grip and just get back on that horse and stop cancelling app.ments cos i think I'm so ugly, and yet complain that i'm not getting any bookings. I'm such a jerk.

francesca_d2011 · « **Reply #8 on:** 05 July 2012, 03:02:21 pm »

Quote from: Mellow on 05 July 2012, 02:44:29 pm

Perhaps a short break is in order if you manage it financially, you don't need to go away or spend a fortune, just a couple of days pampering yourself and seeing friends can really help when you are feeling like this.

Please please stay away from Punter forums, they can be very poisenous places, especially if you are feeling in a vulnerable state in the first place. I steer clear of them totally as the few times I went on them last year they made me feel totally miserable and unattractive.

I'm not that far off you in age (veering towards late 30s) and I agree it can get to you at times especially if you are having a quiet period/having a stressful time etc. I try (ha!) and let it go over my head, not that I always suceed mind, but I do understand

Thanks Mellow, I think I'll take your advice, take some time off, and just not be available for a few days and switch off from everything. I can't afford to financially, I haven't a penny right now, but then it's either that or just obsess about this stuff 24/7 and checking emails every 3 minutes = not healthy.

Punter Forums are pretty scary, yes, I only went on this forum a grand total of 2 times and it made me feel lousy.
Definitely something to avoid.
Glad you can empathise, it can be very difficult when you hit a dry patch, and very easy to blame it on things that may have nothing to do with it, at all.

Dani · « **Reply #9 on:** 05 July 2012, 03:15:10 pm »

I rarely egt emails from AW thankgod as I have found most that email to be either timewasters or those that demand hours of time in constant emails for a half hour booking. I just keep my number on and people use that instead.
Do you advertise anywhere else? Most of my work does not come from AW anyway but from my site (which was really cheap) and from my local paper.

As for feeling ugly we all have days like that but if guys are still booking you and you are turning them away then you cannot be that bad can you. Shit I look damned awful but they still book me

Get a half decent camera a couple of cheap tall spotlights and get a friend to take the photos. They normally come out better and look more flattering and more natural as you are more relaxed. Also do not forget if using lights you need loads of make up or you will look awfully washed out and I always look haggard under lights if I do not put loads on. I dont mean pile it all on but you do need more foundation and more powder and mascara than normal as the lights tends to blow out any colour you have and just pick up on dark patches i.e under eyes and make faint lines look like giant wrinkle

Also look ing the mirror and repeat "I am sexy" over and over. If you feel it your clients will see it. If you dont feel it then no matter how wonderful you are during a booking they will pick up on it. Cinfidence is everything in this game. I am fat, old with saggy huge boobs but I act (notice I said act) confident so my clients believe I think I am sexy which makes them come back for more (so I have just been told anyway)

amy · « **Reply #10 on:** 05 July 2012, 03:34:03 pm »

I'm late to the party here, but I do agree with the others about the photos - there is nothing worse than seeing a really awful picture of yourself and no matter how old you are, if you've just had to look at a lot of them it must have been catastrophic for your confidence and I'd challenge anybody to just sail through something like that. I remember being all excited on my way home from the first (and one of only two) pro photoshoot I had so I could look at all the fancy pictures on the CD I had and needless to say I was horrified because I didn't realise that there are just hundreds of you with your eyes half closed, double chins and big dark shadows all over and unflattering postures while you're standing there. The trick is to ignore them and pick out the handful of good ones, but the second shoot I had cost a fortune and I disliked them to the point where I've taken my own ever since. The one on the front page of my site is two weeks old (which is the other good thing about not having to pay for them - you can update them whenever you feel like it).

It's not your age - I'm 39 and perfectly ordinary looking but I have plenty of work and people who want twenty year olds just don't book me. You'd be too young for some punters, and everybody likes different things but you do need to feel good about yourself. I'd do as Dani suggested - try doing some pics yourself (and if your main ads are on AW it's not as if they'll stand out for not being mega glossy pro ones) and see if they come out nicer. I get the best results with natural light but the makeup thing is definitely true - my pics look like I've hardly on, but I have or I look like a ghost. Have a go and if you don't like them just delete them

.

Sarita · « **Reply #11 on:** 05 July 2012, 03:50:54 pm »

I would just add about the photos - am not a reader of celebrity magazines and so on, but even I've seen pictures of actresses or singers who normally look gorgeous but have been snapped on their way to the shop or coming out of a club and they look hideous, just like the rest of us!

The other thing is that this business isn't just about looking like a model is it? I don't think most men, including the ones who like younger women, are looking for someone who is so perfect they don't feel like they can touch her. They want someone they can have a good time with, who will make them feel good and be nice to them. Obviously they choose to book someone who has the look they want, but after that it's just about having fun.
I know on the message boards there are guys who moan about girls having some flaw, but those men are never going to book us anyway (thank god!) and I'm sure they're in the minority.

naughtyjas · « **Reply #12 on:** 05 July 2012, 04:26:14 pm »

I'm going to be 39 next month so we're pretty close in age.

It sounds like you need to get your mojo back. That bloody stupid photoshoot has really knocked your confidence.

Pamper yourself, get your hair done, treat yourself to some new body cream, face cream etc. You don't have to spend a lot, just something new. I know that it can feel like we're past it, over the hill etc, but we're not. So many of my clients are younger than me, several are older, it's your attitude that matters. That's what comes across in your voice, mannerisms etc.

Like Dani said, tell yourself that you are sexy, act like you are sexy and soon you will feel sexy. Because you are sexy, you were sexy before you had that photoshoot, you were sexy before you decided to be honest about your age and guess what? You still are sexy as you're the same person. As R Kelly said, age ain't nothing but a number.

Maybe go to a beauty counter and get some new make up, as we age our skin tone can change so the make up we wore before can make us look washed out and grey. Loads of places do free ones. And they give great advice on how to make the most of our best features. What's yours? Your lips, eyes, cheekbones?

It night sound frivolous but a new look really does help get your confidence back. Tell yourself how amazing you are, how much you have achieved, all the hard work you do everyday. One trick I learned was to make a top ten list of things you have done today and everytime you do something else cross out the item at the top of the list and add the new one at the bottom. By the time you go to bed you'll fell so amazed at what you can do it will help change your outlook.

I know how easy it is to knock your confidence, I have bad days/weeks where I can't believe that anyone would want to see me because I feel old, fat, my hair won't behave etc. But with a little TLC I do get over it.

pandora · « **Reply #13 on:** 05 July 2012, 04:49:45 pm »

I did not start until I was 38 and get clients from 18-80. As far as I can see being mid-age is a bonus client wise as I can do mum's best friend/teacher or younger lady!

I don't show my face so make up is never an issue in photos. I take my own with web cam or get clients to take them with my camera. Whack loads of them off, learn the best, most flattering position for you to photograph and work it!

If you are body conscious, (and trust me, once the clients see boobs that's when they stop thinking), wear push up corsets, body stockings. They emphasise the curves and are flattering, if uncomfortable, but hey they are not on long.

Stay off punter forums as they are run by about 5 misogynists who hate everyone that is over 18, over size zero, charges ?60hr and talks.

Chin up. 2 cancelled appointments and another told no - the phone is ringing - just have some confidence to get back in the saddle.

Taylor · « **Reply #14 on:** 05 July 2012, 05:01:00 pm »

Remember men have different tastes, not every gent goes for skinny 18-26 year olds... some of my clients often tell me they normally book more mature ladies.

See also the main SAAFE.info site for more Support And Advice For Escorts

Author Topic: The Age Thing .... How Do You Deal With It? (Read 6690 times)

francesca_d2011

The Age Thing .... How Do You Deal With It?

Kimmy

Re: The Age Thing .... How Do You Deal With It?

Sarita

Re: The Age Thing .... How Do You Deal With It?

Sarita

Re: The Age Thing .... How Do You Deal With It?

Dani

Re: The Age Thing .... How Do You Deal With It?

francesca_d2011

Re: The Age Thing .... How Do You Deal With It?

Mellow

Re: The Age Thing .... How Do You Deal With It?

francesca_d2011

Re: The Age Thing .... How Do You Deal With It?

francesca_d2011

Re: The Age Thing .... How Do You Deal With It?

Dani

Re: The Age Thing .... How Do You Deal With It?

amy

Re: The Age Thing .... How Do You Deal With It?

Sarita

Re: The Age Thing .... How Do You Deal With It?

naughtyjas

Re: The Age Thing .... How Do You Deal With It?

pandora

Re: The Age Thing .... How Do You Deal With It?

Taylor

Re: The Age Thing .... How Do You Deal With It?