SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: francesca_d2011 on 05 July 2012, 12:56:25 pm
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Hello ladies,
Sorry for just barging in when I hardly ever post...which is basically because I worry that anything I write is going to sound completely stupid.
But I needed to rant, and this is the only place where escorts can share stuff like this and not feel embarrassed about it.
God bless Saafe.So recently I finally took a big leap and put my REAL AGE on all my profiles (felt too guilty about lying about it anymore) and shocker, my emails, enquiries, calls, hits on my website, have taken a huge nosedive.
This was of course to be expected, as 'mature' is a 'niche' so i will not be as popular as the 20 somethings. But for all you ladies who are older, how do you deal with it?
When I'm checking my ads on different sites, I am bombarded with images of perfect, skinny, 18 year-26 year olds, and it's really disheartening. I just think Who the hell's gonna pick that over me?
The reason I put my real age on my profile is because I had 3 photo shoots recently, and it really was a major wake-up call for me, as I looked terrible, ugly and old, every wrinkle and fold showing up - which I don't see in my mirror at home, so I was blissfully unaware I looked so grotesque. So I decided I can't fool people any longer saying I'm mid 30's when I actually look like this. None of my clients have complained or made comments, but then again I have no regulars, and though guys have a great time, they never come back (except on the rare occasion).
I put that down to the fact that I'm just too old now and they'd rather have something more 'fresh'.
I'm in my early 40's. Sorry for the pity party but I'm feeling low and my level of insecurity is HUGE ..
This is impacting on my business big time, since when I feel like this, I cannot put on the sexy act, and be the social butterfly and super-seductive, it's almost impossible. I can fake it to make it to some extent, but right now I can't get over this hurdle. I try to look after myself, (make up, hair, eating properly, exercise) but to be honest at this stage nothing can save me but 100,000 sessions of botox, fillers and liposuction.
I've been ignoring my phone (the few times it rang) and cancelled an app.ment today cos I just cannot go through with it and I'm also cancelling my app.ment this evening - the guy had asked for a dinner date and I actually said no to the dinner, and that I could only do an incall cos I feel too EMBARRASSED to go out with the poor guy looking like an old hag. Well i can't even go through with just an incall now, so I'm gonna have to cancel.
How can we compete with all those billions of stunning perfect young girls out there, I just feel like I haven't got the strength anymore. I advertise myself, right left and centre, but I think 'For what?' - i get so little attention. my pics haven't changed, but clearly my age scares the guys off and you can't see them for dust.
No worries about advice, I just felt I needed a rant, and wondering if anyone empathises. It just helps to know. I have zero people to share these things with (having just ONE friend, and he's male).
P.S. I tried to join all the 'mature' escort online directories, but they have completely ignored me. Clearly I look good enough for UK belles and the like, but not for vintage vamps, secret boudoir etc.
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Hello ladies,
Sorry for just barging in when I hardly ever post...which is basically because I worry that anything I write is going to sound completely stupid.
But I needed to rant, and this is the only place where escorts can share stuff like this and not feel embarrassed about it.
God bless Saafe.So recently I finally took a big leap and put my REAL AGE on all my profiles (felt too guilty about lying about it anymore) and shocker, my emails, enquiries, calls, hits on my website, have taken a huge nosedive.
This was of course to be expected, as 'mature' is a 'niche' so i will not be as popular as the 20 somethings. But for all you ladies who are older, how do you deal with it?
When I'm checking my ads on different sites, I am bombarded with images of perfect, skinny, 18 year-26 year olds, and it's really disheartening. I just think Who the hell's gonna pick that over me?
The reason I put my real age on my profile is because I had 3 photo shoots recently, and it really was a major wake-up call for me, as I looked terrible, ugly and old, every wrinkle and fold showing up - which I don't see in my mirror at home, so I was blissfully unaware I looked so grotesque. So I decided I can't fool people any longer saying I'm mid 30's when I actually look like this. None of my clients have complained or made comments, but then again I have no regulars, and though guys have a great time, they never come back (except on the rare occasion).
I put that down to the fact that I'm just too old now and they'd rather have something more 'fresh'.
I'm in my early 40's. Sorry for the pity party but I'm feeling low and my level of insecurity is HUGE ..
This is impacting on my business big time, since when I feel like this, I cannot put on the sexy act, and be the social butterfly and super-seductive, it's almost impossible. I can fake it to make it to some extent, but right now I can't get over this hurdle. I try to look after myself, (make up, hair, eating properly, exercise) but to be honest at this stage nothing can save me but 100,000 sessions of botox, fillers and liposuction.
I've been ignoring my phone (the few times it rang) and cancelled an app.ment today cos I just cannot go through with it and I'm also cancelling my app.ment this evening - the guy had asked for a dinner date and I actually said no to the dinner, and that I could only do an incall cos I feel too EMBARRASSED to go out with the poor guy looking like an old hag. Well i can't even go through with just an incall now, so I'm gonna have to cancel.
How can we compete with all those billions of stunning perfect young girls out there, I just feel like I haven't got the strength anymore. I advertise myself, right left and centre, but I think 'For what?' - i get so little attention. my pics haven't changed, but clearly my age scares the guys off and you can't see them for dust.
No worries about advice, I just felt I needed a rant, and wondering if anyone empathises. It just helps to know. I have zero people to share these things with (having just ONE friend, and he's male).
P.S. I tried to join all the 'mature' escort online directories, but they have completely ignored me. Clearly I look good enough for UK belles and the like, but not for vintage vamps, secret boudoir etc.
Awww hun I'm so sorry, its awful feeling like this *big hugs*
I'm young myself but still have felt insecure when seeing other ads of girls who often appear to look like models, infact I remember before i took the plunge on my first parlour it took me months to grasp the courage as on the website the girls all looked so gorgeous and I thought I didnt stand a chance!
Then I started working there and realised a lot of it is smoke camera magic, and no one is perfect, I honestly worry about my looks and body a lot less since
I cant give any advice about age etc being only 20 but i know how hard it is not feeling good enough, try a detox programme eating lots of fresh fruit getting some exercise, sleep and drinking lots of water, that helps you to feel and look better
Try not to put your lack of work down to your age, there are ladies in their 60s still working and getting clients, maybe its just a slow patch for you, though its so easy to start blaming yourself and the way you look when times are slow
iv got anxiety and depression and sometimes have to cancel meetings when I dont feel up to it, thats fine but you should try and not let it put you off working, those are guys that want to come and see you :)
as for guys not coming back, I get that a lot, I have a few guys that only book once or twice a year and not that many regulars but I still do fine with new bookings and one or 2 regs a week
I hope a more experienced lady comes and gives you some better advice soon hun, hope your ok :-* xxxxx
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I'm 53. Men book me and lots of them come back and some have been doing so for several years.
As far as I'm concerned that's all I need to worry about and in all honesty I think it's harder to stand out from the crowd if you're one out of god knows how many thousand young, slim wgs.
The vast majority of my clients are younger than me and for whatever reason they want to have fun with an older woman. They know I have a few wrinkles and so on, but it doesn't seem to be an issue for them so why should it be an issue for me?
I didn't start in this business till I was 46 and it's never seemed to be a big hindrance.
Just get on with it is my advice!
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Just to add - you aren't too old! You just need to market yourself differently. Obviously you can't compete with the young women because you aren't one, so why bother trying?
If you're honest and upfront about your age and who you are (and make a feature of it) then the guys who like older women will find you.
Believe me, there are loads of guys out there who like their women a little more mature!
Sorry, I just reread your post and saw you weren't looking for advice, but empathy.
Well I can empathise too. I hate being this age but it's on a purely personal level and not linked with my appearance or connected with my business.
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Only have botox and fillers if YOU want to not for the clients. I admit I have fillers under my eyes as my meds give me a sunken hollow eyed look so I have to. Botox is good for a temporary brow lift etc but can cause awful headaches amd only lasts a few months.
At the end of the day only you can make yourself feel sexy. Being older often makes me wonder if I would be busier if I were young and the answer is always yes but my clients see me because I am fun, bubbly, full of life and more experienced. Not everyone wants a youngster same as theey dont all want a size 0 girl either. (Thankfully).
There is a large market for us older women otherwise there would not be so many on AW would there. If there was no work they would have all left.
As for the photoshoots who the hell did your photos??? A phtographer is supposed to use lighting to bring out your best side not the worst. believe me I have had some photo taken that have added 15 - 20 years onto me and they all went into the bin.
You need some photos taken by someone who can make you look good. Like you said you dont see these imperfections in the mirror and if you dont see them in the mirror then they should not show in photos. To me it just sounds like you had a bad photographer who took god awful photos and used the wrong lighting.
As for regulars, I do not know what to suggest as I have quite a few even though I have no idea why they keep coming back. Its a strange one as some will and some wont and you will never know why
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Try not to put your lack of work down to your age, there are ladies in their 60s still working and getting clients, maybe its just a slow patch for you, though its so easy to start blaming yourself and the way you look when times are slow
iv got anxiety and depression and sometimes have to cancel meetings when I dont feel up to it, thats fine but you should try and not let it put you off working, those are guys that want to come and see you :)
as for guys not coming back, I get that a lot, I have a few guys that only book once or twice a year and not that many regulars but I still do fine with new bookings and one or 2 regs a week
I hope a more experienced lady comes and gives you some better advice soon hun, hope your ok :-* xxxxx
Thanks Kimmy, that made me feel better, I feel like I'm the only person who never gets repeat visits sometimes, to be honest. I think i've gone a bit hysterical since those blasted photo shoots. Maybe it's just dry patch, but the drop has been so sudden, that I can't help thinking there's a barrier at 39 that a lot of guys won't cross.
Thanks for being sympathetic :) even though I sound like a drip.
I'm totally expecting someone to tell me to sod off, go get another job, or grow a thicker skin.
So I'm sat like a lemon having cancelled 2 guys and then just got a call and said I was indisposed.
I'm self-sabotaging my business, but girls you must know what it's like when your confidence gets a real knock you just can't put on that sex kitten act, if you feel about as sexy as a slug.
I'm 53. Men book me and lots of them come back and some have been doing so for several years.
As far as I'm concerned that's all I need to worry about and in all honesty I think it's harder to stand out from the crowd if you're one out of god knows how many thousand young, slim wgs.
The vast majority of my clients are younger than me and for whatever reason they want to have fun with an older woman. They know I have a few wrinkles and so on, but it doesn't seem to be an issue for them so why should it be an issue for me?
I didn't start in this business till I was 46 and it's never seemed to be a big hindrance.
Just get on with it is my advice!
Thanks for your helpful advice Sarita, I guess I'm not really marketing myself properly as an 'older woman' but then I've just put my real age up, and I don't even know where to start, to make 'older' seem 'attractive' You know how so many freaking men are obsessed with youth, I see it all around me, and it's demoralising as hell.
I didn't start looking my age until 2 years go, now I just look like crap.
Oh, I am totally not trying to compete with the younger 20 somethings, but I just feel that men are just totally blinded by the sight of these girls on these sites - there are so many and every site is full to bursting with these girls - who actually, I have noticed myself, all seem to look the same! But men still seem to prefer them.
Perhaps I should ALSO stay off punter forums and not read stuff about how they prefer the 'under-20's' cos want them 'fresh'; made me feel a like a past-expiry-date banana.
Anyway, you've inspired me - starting at age 46 is quite amazing and gives me hope, but obviously you have acquired top notch marketing skills which I still have to learn along the way. In all the years I escorted in the past, the internet didn't exist so this is all pretty new to me.
Thanks again for your advice.
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So I'm sat like a lemon having cancelled 2 guys and then just got a call and said I was indisposed.
I'm self-sabotaging my business, but girls you must know what it's like when your confidence gets a real knock you just can't put on that sex kitten act, if you feel about as sexy as a slug.
Perhaps a short break is in order if you manage it financially, you don't need to go away or spend a fortune, just a couple of days pampering yourself and seeing friends can really help when you are feeling like this.
Perhaps I should ALSO stay off punter forums and not read stuff about how they prefer the 'under-20's' cos want them 'fresh'; made me feel a like a past-expiry-date banana.
Please please stay away from Punter forums, they can be very poisenous places, especially if you are feeling in a vulnerable state in the first place. I steer clear of them totally as the few times I went on them last year they made me feel totally miserable and unattractive.
I'm not that far off you in age (veering towards late 30s) and I agree it can get to you at times especially if you are having a quiet period/having a stressful time etc. I try (ha!) and let it go over my head, not that I always suceed mind, but I do understand :)
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Only have botox and fillers if YOU want to not for the clients. I admit I have fillers under my eyes as my meds give me a sunken hollow eyed look so I have to. Botox is good for a temporary brow lift etc but can cause awful headaches amd only lasts a few months.
At the end of the day only you can make yourself feel sexy. Being older often makes me wonder if I would be busier if I were young and the answer is always yes but my clients see me because I am fun, bubbly, full of life and more experienced. Not everyone wants a youngster same as theey dont all want a size 0 girl either. (Thankfully).
There is a large market for us older women otherwise there would not be so many on AW would there. If there was no work they would have all left.
As for the photoshoots who the hell did your photos??? A phtographer is supposed to use lighting to bring out your best side not the worst. believe me I have had some photo taken that have added 15 - 20 years onto me and they all went into the bin.
You need some photos taken by someone who can make you look good. Like you said you dont see these imperfections in the mirror and if you dont see them in the mirror then they should not show in photos. To me it just sounds like you had a bad photographer who took god awful photos and used the wrong lighting.
As for regulars, I do not know what to suggest as I have quite a few even though I have no idea why they keep coming back. Its a strange one as some will and some wont and you will never know why
Sorry Dani, just saw your post. You guys are right of course, there is a market out there definitely and I have seen over-50's on AW and I think I'm just going through some freaking mid life crisis. I love this job, and I don't want to have to give it up for this huge feeling of inferiority/insecurity.
I know it's not all about looks, and god knows I try to be as sociable and considerate and sweet and kind and sexually confident, etc with clients, but I think it must be something else that is turning them off, I have no idea.
Perhaps you're right about the photographers. I'm very UNphotogenic, but I swear I just looked ready godawful in those photos - I paid ?300 for one of these shoots!! I think these profesh places just have too much lighting, god knows. I got my friend to take pictures with his iphone and they actually were more flattering but of course the quality is not as good. I'm glad i'm not the only one who came out looking 20 years older after a shoot!
Talking of AW, I know there are a lot of older women on there, but I have gone from a few emails a day, to NOTHING.
It's been like that for the past few days, I have to put it down to age, and just realise I'm gonna be earning a lot less money from now on.
C'est la vie as they say.
I wouldn't do botox and fillers just for clients, but also for myself, cos I've started looking different over the past 2 years and I really can't stand to even look at myself anymore. Anyway, i can't it cos I'm totally broke, so that'll have to wait. I was even thinking of getting a boob job, to give me an 'edge' - yes deffo mid life crisis!!! I perhaps should give this up and go back to boring admin PA and financials instead. Why can't I just get a grip and just get back on that horse and stop cancelling app.ments cos i think I'm so ugly, and yet complain that i'm not getting any bookings. I'm such a jerk.
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Perhaps a short break is in order if you manage it financially, you don't need to go away or spend a fortune, just a couple of days pampering yourself and seeing friends can really help when you are feeling like this.
Please please stay away from Punter forums, they can be very poisenous places, especially if you are feeling in a vulnerable state in the first place. I steer clear of them totally as the few times I went on them last year they made me feel totally miserable and unattractive.
I'm not that far off you in age (veering towards late 30s) and I agree it can get to you at times especially if you are having a quiet period/having a stressful time etc. I try (ha!) and let it go over my head, not that I always suceed mind, but I do understand :)
Thanks Mellow, I think I'll take your advice, take some time off, and just not be available for a few days and switch off from everything. I can't afford to financially, I haven't a penny right now, but then it's either that or just obsess about this stuff 24/7 and checking emails every 3 minutes = not healthy.
Punter Forums are pretty scary, yes, I only went on this forum a grand total of 2 times and it made me feel lousy.
Definitely something to avoid.
Glad you can empathise, it can be very difficult when you hit a dry patch, and very easy to blame it on things that may have nothing to do with it, at all.
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I rarely egt emails from AW thankgod as I have found most that email to be either timewasters or those that demand hours of time in constant emails for a half hour booking. I just keep my number on and people use that instead.
Do you advertise anywhere else? Most of my work does not come from AW anyway but from my site (which was really cheap) and from my local paper.
As for feeling ugly we all have days like that but if guys are still booking you and you are turning them away then you cannot be that bad can you. Shit I look damned awful but they still book me ;D
Get a half decent camera a couple of cheap tall spotlights and get a friend to take the photos. They normally come out better and look more flattering and more natural as you are more relaxed. Also do not forget if using lights you need loads of make up or you will look awfully washed out and I always look haggard under lights if I do not put loads on. I dont mean pile it all on but you do need more foundation and more powder and mascara than normal as the lights tends to blow out any colour you have and just pick up on dark patches i.e under eyes and make faint lines look like giant wrinkle
Also look ing the mirror and repeat "I am sexy" over and over. If you feel it your clients will see it. If you dont feel it then no matter how wonderful you are during a booking they will pick up on it. Cinfidence is everything in this game. I am fat, old with saggy huge boobs but I act (notice I said act) confident so my clients believe I think I am sexy which makes them come back for more (so I have just been told anyway)
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I'm late to the party here, but I do agree with the others about the photos - there is nothing worse than seeing a really awful picture of yourself and no matter how old you are, if you've just had to look at a lot of them it must have been catastrophic for your confidence and I'd challenge anybody to just sail through something like that. I remember being all excited on my way home from the first (and one of only two) pro photoshoot I had so I could look at all the fancy pictures on the CD I had and needless to say I was horrified because I didn't realise that there are just hundreds of you with your eyes half closed, double chins and big dark shadows all over and unflattering postures while you're standing there. The trick is to ignore them and pick out the handful of good ones, but the second shoot I had cost a fortune and I disliked them to the point where I've taken my own ever since. The one on the front page of my site is two weeks old (which is the other good thing about not having to pay for them - you can update them whenever you feel like it).
It's not your age - I'm 39 and perfectly ordinary looking but I have plenty of work and people who want twenty year olds just don't book me. You'd be too young for some punters, and everybody likes different things but you do need to feel good about yourself. I'd do as Dani suggested - try doing some pics yourself (and if your main ads are on AW it's not as if they'll stand out for not being mega glossy pro ones) and see if they come out nicer. I get the best results with natural light but the makeup thing is definitely true - my pics look like I've hardly on, but I have or I look like a ghost. Have a go and if you don't like them just delete them :).
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I would just add about the photos - am not a reader of celebrity magazines and so on, but even I've seen pictures of actresses or singers who normally look gorgeous but have been snapped on their way to the shop or coming out of a club and they look hideous, just like the rest of us!
The other thing is that this business isn't just about looking like a model is it? I don't think most men, including the ones who like younger women, are looking for someone who is so perfect they don't feel like they can touch her. They want someone they can have a good time with, who will make them feel good and be nice to them. Obviously they choose to book someone who has the look they want, but after that it's just about having fun.
I know on the message boards there are guys who moan about girls having some flaw, but those men are never going to book us anyway (thank god!) and I'm sure they're in the minority.
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I'm going to be 39 next month so we're pretty close in age.
It sounds like you need to get your mojo back. That bloody stupid photoshoot has really knocked your confidence.
Pamper yourself, get your hair done, treat yourself to some new body cream, face cream etc. You don't have to spend a lot, just something new. I know that it can feel like we're past it, over the hill etc, but we're not. So many of my clients are younger than me, several are older, it's your attitude that matters. That's what comes across in your voice, mannerisms etc.
Like Dani said, tell yourself that you are sexy, act like you are sexy and soon you will feel sexy. Because you are sexy, you were sexy before you had that photoshoot, you were sexy before you decided to be honest about your age and guess what? You still are sexy as you're the same person. As R Kelly said, age ain't nothing but a number.
Maybe go to a beauty counter and get some new make up, as we age our skin tone can change so the make up we wore before can make us look washed out and grey. Loads of places do free ones. And they give great advice on how to make the most of our best features. What's yours? Your lips, eyes, cheekbones?
It night sound frivolous but a new look really does help get your confidence back. Tell yourself how amazing you are, how much you have achieved, all the hard work you do everyday. One trick I learned was to make a top ten list of things you have done today and everytime you do something else cross out the item at the top of the list and add the new one at the bottom. By the time you go to bed you'll fell so amazed at what you can do it will help change your outlook.
I know how easy it is to knock your confidence, I have bad days/weeks where I can't believe that anyone would want to see me because I feel old, fat, my hair won't behave etc. But with a little TLC I do get over it.
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I did not start until I was 38 and get clients from 18-80. As far as I can see being mid-age is a bonus client wise as I can do mum's best friend/teacher or younger lady!
I don't show my face so make up is never an issue in photos. I take my own with web cam or get clients to take them with my camera. Whack loads of them off, learn the best, most flattering position for you to photograph and work it!
If you are body conscious, (and trust me, once the clients see boobs that's when they stop thinking), wear push up corsets, body stockings. They emphasise the curves and are flattering, if uncomfortable, but hey they are not on long.
Stay off punter forums as they are run by about 5 misogynists who hate everyone that is over 18, over size zero, charges ?60hr and talks.
Chin up. 2 cancelled appointments and another told no - the phone is ringing - just have some confidence to get back in the saddle.
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Remember men have different tastes, not every gent goes for skinny 18-26 year olds... some of my clients often tell me they normally book more mature ladies.
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Stay off punter forums as they are run by about 5 misogynists who hate everyone that is over 18, over size zero, charges ?60hr and talks.
Sooooo true. Pandora you just made my day! lol
Francesca just to let you know I haven't changed my age in the last 3 months and I've noticed that since last week my business has made ONE HUGE NOSEDRIVE. From having my phone ringing of the hook i'm getting 2 phone calls since last week. It's been like an "all of a sudden thing no explanations". The heat, the holidays, wimbledon...I have no idea! So me thinks you're getting a "tad paranoid" with the age issue and the phones going silent have nothing to do with you adding a couple more years to your profile. Half of the women in this business are in their 40's and they do really well. In fact... I know ladies in their 50's and 60's who are busy. So I would say: just relax, glam up your website/profile, study different aproaches, advertising venues, add more photos (or take new ones) and maybe do all those house chores that you never had time when you were busy. Work will come, don't worry. And if you're still paranoid just change back your age again :-) xoxo
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Hey lady wow turning those few clients away would have got u pampered like all the lovely ladies have said its just a few little tricks here and there and remember there is someone and something out there for everyone like a mixed bag of sweeets. I am 45 do my very best to look good run pamper myself and i am not loaded i set myself little hurdles and my next one is collagen for my lips and i know it will make a difference however i will have to wait for the money to be there as other things take priority. I would take a few days off gather your thoughts detox have hair done maybe a different look and advertise slightly different. Your being a bit hard on yourself hun.. maybe you need to put yourself first for a little while. x
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I had realised that there are many ignorant ageist men out there and also on a certain forum who think anyone over 22 is too old for prostitution.(get real) I dont read their worthless opinions anymore . I am 44yrs and get plently of decent regulars and new sexy guys who love an older woman too. Im just self concious about my weight but thats another matter altogether !!!
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1) A lot of girls, especially agency girls, are photoshopped to the absolute hilt in their pictures - both in the face and the body. Also photos can be really unflattering and make you look much worse than IRL. I always freak out when I get new pics about how FAT I look when in reality I am quite slim. Bad lighting can play hell with your face, also
2) Summer is often quiet, I was busy busy in May, dead in June and ok-ish so far for July but I expect both July and August to be pretty dead. Last year was the same. Usually picks up around September
3) You could consider offering role plays? MILF, strict and sexy teacher, policewoman, horny secretary? These all work well if you're mature
4) Domination? Lots of dommes are a bit older
5) *gulp* adult baby minding, if you're brave?
6) I have a friend overseas who is mature and does great, as there are not many in that niche in her area/country - she is interested in either selling her huge client list or organising jobs/tours for other ladies. PM me if you're interested
7) Botox/fillers/laser-resurfacing IMO are just regular grooming if you can afford it but then I'm not afraid of small tweaks. I have a friend who is 32 and has been doing light botox since 25 and she honest looks about 24-25 - I was gobsmacked when she told me her real age. So if it makes you more confident (which it sounds like you need right now) then don't be afraid of doing it.
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im terribly un photogenic i take terrible face shots i can't ever relax enough to get good ones so i don't have them done however i get very good boob ass and body shots you need to know what works the best for you
personally i would sack the photographer that you used and get one that you like and feel comfortable with and one that is good with photo shops to even up any blemish
with photos i can have 500 taken and only like maybe 20 -30 of them
Since may i have had 3 photo shots and probably had over 1200 photos taken and got around 100 photos and will probably only use 30 -40 of them that i really really like its a case of numbers and finding out what works the best for you So don't worry about photos
i used to feel like that being a mixed race woman that guys wouldn't fancy me or pay me for sex but they do and they keep on coming back Now i emphasise that I'm mixed race british busty curvy ect and that works for me
also being sexy isn't the same as being pretty or being a good fuck either if it was a hell of a lot of us wouldn't have work if we all had to be a size 6 and model pretty i wouldnt say I'm pretty but sexy and sexual yes and a good fuck ;D
I have a friend who is drop dead model gorgeous she has been published in magazines and is incredibly pretty think jessica rabbit kind of figure - big tits size 8 figure long blonde hair but she strugles to see 3 -4 clients a week ( she would like to see 3 -4 a day like me we work in the same city most of the time and charge the same prices but we are as different as chalk and cheese
( but she admits that she dosnt like sex and dosnt like her work either but likes the money )
so being pretty and and a stick insect dosnt equal making money
This week has been one of the quietest i have known for ages last week was great but this week its very quite and its been a case of thank god for regulars i have had three punter net reports this week all from established clients with numerou reports behind them so guys can see that they are genuine but no extra work from it which is unusual and if your only relying on adult work then its going to be even worse
don't go on the punter forums either you will either slit your wrist or jump of a high building ;D
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yeah i agree july august is normally crap and double crap this year cos of the olympics it won't get back to normal until september when the brats are back to school and the olympics athletes have fucked off back to wherever they belong
i used to when my son was small take the whole of august off basically six week i would go on a 3 week holiday and spend 3 weeks at home because it wasn't worth working for me in that time
1) A lot of girls, especially agency girls, are photoshopped to the absolute hilt in their pictures - both in the face and the body. Also photos can be really unflattering and make you look much worse than IRL. I always freak out when I get new pics about how FAT I look when in reality I am quite slim. Bad lighting can play hell with your face, also
2) Summer is often quiet, I was busy busy in May, dead in June and ok-ish so far for July but I expect both July and August to be pretty dead. Last year was the same. Usually picks up around September
3) You could consider offering role plays? MILF, strict and sexy teacher, policewoman, horny secretary? These all work well if you're mature
4) Domination? Lots of dommes are a bit older
5) *gulp* adult baby minding, if you're brave?
6) I have a friend overseas who is mature and does great, as there are not many in that niche in her area/country - she is interested in either selling her huge client list or organising jobs/tours for other ladies. PM me if you're interested
7) Botox/fillers/laser-resurfacing IMO are just regular grooming if you can afford it but then I'm not afraid of small tweaks. I have a friend who is 32 and has been doing light botox since 25 and she honest looks about 24-25 - I was gobsmacked when she told me her real age. So if it makes you more confident (which it sounds like you need right now) then don't be afraid of doing it.
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Good sufficient sleep goes a long way towards looking good and fresh, and so does avoidance of stress.
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Ladies, thanks for all your comments, they're all very much appreciated.
I wish I could answer each individually but it'd take me til next year. I have a terrible tendency to ramble. So shall try to keep it snappy.
Yes, re: professional shoots-- I used to see studio shoot pics on profiles & sites and always feel jealous at how great they looked; I thought they must have special lighting & equipment in these studios to make you look AMAZING. However, NOW having read the comments here I realise I was probably looking at the most decent 4/5 pictures out of the bunch they took, and chucked out the closed eyes/wrong profile/miserable expression ones etc. and of course the chosen ones had then been airbrushed, nip/tucked to death.
I went on these shoots because I thought they would help business, give my profile/website some variety and spice, glamour, etc., but infact they did the opposite, and gave me a huge complex to the point where I was turning work away and am virtually penniless. Dumb. The last shoot I went on was a TFP, and the pics were awful. He had the lights on so bright that even Megan Fox would have looked disgusting. I didn't realise this until i saw the end results.
Never mind. You live and you learn.
Basically, being bored and unimpressed with my original pictures, I thought OK this is my last shot, if I can't look good in a photo shoot with all the best equipment then I am officially minging and old. Well I've learnt differently now, I feel so much better knowing that some of you guys have also had unsuccessful photo shoots... I honestly thought I'd be the only person that could happen to.
So anyway... I think a (free) makeover is a good idea, thanks and yes a good trip to the hairdresser, and just generally pampering myself and stop being a miserable cow.
Oh, and after having said that i have no business anymore etc etc and how i was doomed ... ironically my phone ended up being rather busy today, I turned down 6 requests to see me today, (I HAD to, I was in no state to see anyone, bloated with PMS and just feeling like a fat slug), cancelled one for this afternoon, and cancelled one for this evening.
Oh and also, having written earlier that 'none of my guys ever come back' - Spookily enough one of my old regulars who i haven't seen for absolute ages, decided to pop up out of the blue today and fill in a 2-hr booking form for the w-end.
So I have learned from this.
Firstly not to be a drama queen,
and secondly, to read these posts when I start to feel down about the age thing, as there are so many of you 'mature' ladies who seem to be doing just fine - more than fine infact; and all the comments i'm reading make so much sense. If I was a slim, hot young girl I would have a lot more to compete with as every site and directory is jam packed with them. I think we ought to think of ourselves as pretty damn special. And I should stop being a moaning minnie and get on with it, yep.
I've now done a complete turnaround, and now actually consider 'mature' as a positive; and it's thanks to you guys, so really, you've helped so, so much.
Oh and also earlier - having written that most agencies ignore everyone cos of their high standards, well, one did get back to me today and wants to meet for an interview, which was a surprise, so I'm quite pleased. I like independent, but i'm going to give agency a shot, I feel like handing the reins to someone else for a bit, I've driven myself crazy with my perfectionism, endless promotion and tearing my hair out over my sites and ads.
Also I'm taking some of you ladies' advice and going to buy some good softbox lighting and get my poor long-suffering friend round to take some pics, and stay off punter forums.
And I know what you mean that pretty is not equivalent to sexy, totally. There are days where I looked like shrek and yet I've been able to 'think' myself sexy so many times but it's just not working right now so a few days off will help, as I feel I should show a client the best side of me and give him a good experience.
Thanks Ellie_e for all your tips and comments.
I don't want to start going into categories like domme etc. as I have zero experience, and i think it just pisses people off when they get a domme who hasn't a clue. Think I'll stick with safe GFE and what i'm used to. Maybe I'll expand my horizons in the future. Mind you, i had 3 req's for domination today, and that's more than i ever get, ever. Wondering if they feel more comfortable if an escort is slightly older..?
The laser/botox, etc, are all on my list, they have been for AGES, was just waiting to have enough money.
I've been in such a funk so i have zero money, I will have to do loads of bookings before I have enough to live on, as well as splash out on some treatments. But I can't WAIT to have some botox and fillers and just anything that will make me look better, even if not 10 years younger!
If you are body conscious, (and trust me, once the clients see boobs that's when they stop thinking), wear push up corsets, body stockings. They emphasise the curves and are flattering, if uncomfortable, but hey they are not on long.
Stay off punter forums as they are run by about 5 misogynists who hate everyone that is over 18, over size zero, charges ?60hr and talks.
That bit about the punter forums made me giggle :)
Oh yes i'm very body conscious, and wear corsets and babydolls etc. all the time as I have the worst stomach, I have this godawful sticking-out pouch in my lower abs (immune to all exercise/diet in the world) - was probably a kangaroo in another life. Oh and not to mention the saggy horrible thights and cellulite on my butt.
But I love your quote "(and trust me, once the clients see boobs that's when they stop thinking)" and will repeat that to myself when i'm having a old/saggy/fat day. :)
Very true, Clover, about the sleep. The stress, I need to work on. But I sleep a heck of a lot, it is one of my fave things to do in life, as it goes:) Speaking of which, it's 4 am, so will say good night/morning and get my beauty sleep and thanks again to everyone who commented. I feel 1000% better than have been feeling for the past week :)
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if you not comfortable with dom why not do tie and tease in a sensual way i do that rather than full on dom i have some brilliant underbed restraints that literally go under the mattress and have four velcro handcuffs to them you can adjust them so that they fit the bed i think i paid thirty pounds for them from love honey
also re photos if and when you get some money i have the numbers of two fabulous professional photographers that charge 150-200 and they are brilliant one is in watford and one is in bristol they do all the photo editing and lighting for you and are very good the one in watford is very arty and uses lights and shadows a lot but i have never had a bad session with him but i had one recently and we took around 3-400 photos and i got 30 that i like and probably only 10 that i will only use
So if a photographer takes say100 pics you might get 10 that are usable and only maybe 1 -2 that you really like so more is better most of the time
with photos its often worth going on recommendations or seeing photos that you like and contacting the photographer as well different photographers have different styles and ways of working which is why i use two but i won't pay more than 150 -200
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With regards to bad stomaches ect as most suspender belts are flimsy bits of material if you buy suspender belts with knickers you can cut out the knickers ect
they are often wide so will hide a bad stomach or scars ect stockings direct do them for 10 pounds just google suspender belts with knickers and stockings direct
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Francesca, my photoshoots are always crap to the point I think I?m ugly, but this is because I?m just not photogenic and also that the photographers have not been sufficiently talented to get the best out of me. The photos I took of myself are much better so will use self portraits on my site from now on. Also, even with professional models, the photographer will take a couple of hundred shots just to find half a dozen good ones, so it?s normal to have lots that we look at and think ?yuk? (and bear in mind you and I are not professional models either).
In a way I disagree with the suggestions of getting botox etc at this stage because your issues are probably more to do with your negative thought processes/low self esteem than anything else, and I think you would do well to start with looking at that side of things. If you Google CBT or self esteem you will find lots of potentially useful stuff.
Regarding your age, well, as others have said, many mature escorts do OK in this business (me included ? I?ve been ticking along comfortably for years and I?m now 44) so it?s a case of finding your niche. I know I can?t compete with the busty 20 somthings because I?m not like them, and I can?t compete with the ?up for anything? ladies because I?m simply not. So I market myself towards a different clientele and it works OK for me.
And it is quiet at the moment so I think it?s a coincidence that work has dropped off just when you?ve changed your age on your profile. I have a tendency not to mention my age if I can because my philosophy is do clients want me to look a certain age or be a certain age. IMO all that matters is that my photos area true representation of how I will look in the flesh and that?s all that matters because I?m not going to get into relationships with them so what does my date of birth matter. They either fancy me or they don?t what has age got to do with it.
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@francesca. If it makes you feel any better I am still working and I am 60 on my next birthday.
Like others have said it is just a marketing thing when it comes to who you want to see and what services you want to offer.
I really don't expect to get as much work as those between the ages of 18 and 45 but I still get my fair share of bookings and still tour satisfactorily.
I've not read thru the whole thread but I just wanted you to know that you 'ain't passed it' - either that or I'm on the scrap heap - which I ain't.
Take the quiet times to reinvent yourself in the way you want to be portrayed now.
Good luck.
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Hey I turned 50 in May & have really started feeling my age, I am also a size 20. No boobs tho', as some of you know I had a double mastectomy so they're a bit crap.
I've found this site that does really great suspenders, quite deep to cover a tummy, you have to get the next size up by the way!! They are a bit on the smaller size.
stockingsdirect.co.uk cost ?26 but worth it, they're really lovely.
Keep yr chin up & have faith.
Take care.
Luv Kate xx
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thats wear i get mine from although my stomach is flat and toned it didn't use to be but the deep lace suspender knicker on their are great and they are 10 pounds
Hey I turned 50 in May & have really started feeling my age, I am also a size 20. No boobs tho', as some of you know I had a double mastectomy so they're a bit crap.
I've found this site that does really great suspenders, quite deep to cover a tummy, you have to get the next size up by the way!! They are a bit on the smaller size.
stockingsdirect.co.uk cost ?26 but worth it, they're really lovely.
Keep yr chin up & have faith.
Take care.
Luv Kate xx
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Wow, so many mature escorts on SAAFE; it's positively heartening to see how many of you there are and that you're all pretty upbeat and positive about the whole thing.
And am really grateful for the younger girls who took time out to post some really encouraging things, which made me feel so much better.
It all confirms that I was silly to think from now on I'd just be viewed as a sad old bag who'd never get a booking ever, ever again.
And kudos to Lady_Lust_XXX !!
Thanks for everyone's advice.
Re: garter belts,I'd been wanting to buy a garter belt on stockingsdirect.co.uk for ages now, a nice big one to hide the offensive pot belly pouch, but I never bought one as I wasn't sure whether they'd look any good in real life as opposed to just in the photos; you know what it's like, with internet-shopping, you never know what you're going to get.
So thanks Kurvy Kate and Paris for the recommendations. I owe you one !!
Thanks again to everyone for helping me see this issue in a far more positive way.
My interview went swimmingly well, soooo everything is looking up roses.
Time to stop moping around, clean this damn house for a change, and get ready for my newfound 'mature woman' confidence, knocking those punters out !! :)
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Francesca, what you will learn in this business, no matter how old you are, how long in the business you have been, there is always something you can learn from somebody, and if it is something you are going to use to improve YOUR service, all you have to do is to take a mental or written note of it ............... and use it.
Knowledge is good .....................................