Ladies, thanks for all your comments, they're all very much appreciated.
I wish I could answer each individually but it'd take me til next year. I have a terrible tendency to ramble. So shall try to keep it snappy.
Yes, re: professional shoots-- I used to see studio shoot pics on profiles & sites and always feel jealous at how great they looked; I thought they must have special lighting & equipment in these studios to make you look AMAZING. However, NOW having read the comments here I realise I was probably looking at the most decent 4/5 pictures out of the bunch they took, and chucked out the closed eyes/wrong profile/miserable expression ones etc. and of course the chosen ones had then been airbrushed, nip/tucked to death.
I went on these shoots because I thought they would help business, give my profile/website some variety and spice, glamour, etc., but infact they did the opposite, and gave me a huge complex to the point where I was turning work away and am virtually penniless. Dumb. The last shoot I went on was a TFP, and the pics were awful. He had the lights on so bright that even Megan Fox would have looked disgusting. I didn't realise this until i saw the end results.
Never mind. You live and you learn.
Basically, being bored and unimpressed with my original pictures, I thought OK this is my last shot, if I can't look good in a photo shoot with all the best equipment then I am officially minging and old. Well I've learnt differently now, I feel so much better knowing that some of you guys have also had unsuccessful photo shoots... I honestly thought I'd be the
only person that could happen to.
So anyway... I think a (free) makeover is a good idea, thanks and yes a good trip to the hairdresser, and just generally pampering myself and stop being a miserable cow.
Oh, and after having said that i have no business anymore etc etc and how i was
doomed ... ironically my phone ended up being rather busy today, I turned down 6 requests to see me today, (I HAD to, I was in no state to see anyone, bloated with PMS and just feeling like a fat slug), cancelled one for this afternoon, and cancelled one for this evening.
Oh and also, having written earlier that 'none of my guys ever come back' - Spookily enough one of my old regulars who i haven't seen for absolute ages, decided to pop up out of the blue today and fill in a 2-hr booking form for the w-end.
So I have learned from this.
Firstly not to be a drama queen,
and secondly, to read these posts when I start to feel down about the age thing, as there are so many of you 'mature' ladies who seem to be doing just fine -
more than fine infact; and all the comments i'm reading make so much sense. If I was a slim, hot young girl I would have a lot more to compete with as every site and directory is jam packed with them. I think we ought to think of ourselves as pretty damn special. And I should stop being a moaning minnie and get on with it, yep.
I've now done a complete turnaround, and now actually consider 'mature' as a positive; and it's thanks to you guys, so really, you've helped so, so much.
Oh and also earlier - having written that most agencies ignore everyone cos of their high standards, well, one did get back to me today and wants to meet for an interview, which was a surprise, so I'm quite pleased. I like independent, but i'm going to give agency a shot, I feel like handing the reins to someone else for a bit, I've driven myself crazy with my perfectionism, endless promotion and tearing my hair out over my sites and ads.
Also I'm taking some of you ladies' advice and going to buy some good softbox lighting and get my poor long-suffering friend round to take some pics, and stay off punter forums.
And I know what you mean that pretty is not equivalent to sexy, totally. There are days where I looked like shrek and yet I've been able to 'think' myself sexy so many times but it's just not working right now so a few days off will help, as I feel I should show a client the best side of me and give him a good experience.
Thanks Ellie_e for all your tips and comments.
I don't want to start going into categories like domme etc. as I have zero experience, and i think it just pisses people off when they get a domme who hasn't a clue. Think I'll stick with safe GFE and what i'm used to. Maybe I'll expand my horizons in the future. Mind you, i had 3 req's for domination today, and that's more than i ever get, ever. Wondering if they feel more comfortable if an escort is slightly older..?
The laser/botox, etc, are all on my list, they have been for AGES, was just waiting to have enough money.
I've been in such a funk so i have zero money, I will have to do loads of bookings before I have enough to live on, as well as splash out on some treatments. But I can't WAIT to have some botox and fillers and just anything that will make me look better, even if not 10 years younger!
If you are body conscious, (and trust me, once the clients see boobs that's when they stop thinking), wear push up corsets, body stockings. They emphasise the curves and are flattering, if uncomfortable, but hey they are not on long.
Stay off punter forums as they are run by about 5 misogynists who hate everyone that is over 18, over size zero, charges ?60hr and talks.
That bit about the punter forums made me giggle
Oh yes i'm very body conscious, and wear corsets and babydolls etc. all the time as I have the worst stomach, I have this godawful sticking-out pouch in my lower abs (immune to all exercise/diet in the world) - was probably a kangaroo in another life. Oh and not to mention the saggy horrible thights and cellulite on my butt.
But I love your quote "(and trust me, once the clients see boobs that's when they stop thinking)" and will repeat that to myself when i'm having a old/saggy/fat day.
Very true, Clover, about the sleep. The stress, I need to work on. But I sleep a heck of a lot, it is one of my fave things to do in life, as it goes:) Speaking of which, it's 4 am, so will say good night/morning and get my beauty sleep and thanks again to everyone who commented. I feel 1000% better than have been feeling for the past week