Colette

Recently I found myself in a similar situation.  Very similar infact.

I don't see the client anymore.  I decided for all the money in the world, my own sanity and well being is far more important.

It was a great money earner but similarly with yourself this client saw me as more than an escort.  He wanted to know the real "me".  I made the mistake of giving him information about my private life, which incidentally I do in many bookings just to pass the time, and I usually feel it is  just banter - about my child, or about my hobbies or what I do when am not working.

However, it got to the stage where I would get texts/calls mentioning the child constantly.  Texts were sent to me almost every other day.... requests for phone calls every weekend.    He wanted to chat to me at least once or twice a week.  I think he had good intentions but he just mistook what I was to him and would not respect my boundaries at all.

It got to the point where I literally had to spell it out in a harsh manner.  I said something to the effect of this "when I am with you I am Alex, I am not the other person and that is my other private world - please respect that" .  He did not and persisted. 

It got to the point where he became so intrigued by my private life and quizzed me so much about it that I became more and more elusive and less inclined to discuss it.  This had a detrimental effect and actually annoyed him. 

He then became abusive and made horrible references to my parental abilities, my escorting ability and more. 

I put a stop to the whole thing and refused to see him again.  I asked for no contact.  I received some nasty emails and texts to which I replied that I would inform the police and/or a third party to act on my behalf. 

I had heard no more from him and I can tell you that the weight has lifted off my shoulders a great deal.  It has taught me a lesson the hard way and I would urge you to think too.

If you don't like doing the overnight then don't do it! Simple.   Tell him you don't do overnights anymore.  Sure the money is good but what is more important at the end of the day. 

Remember - we have a choice.  I know it is hard when faced with the potential earnings but look at the headache and hassle this is causing you.  I know as I have been there and like you dreaded the meeting. 

You have to spell out to him that whilst working you are not ............  but you are Colette and you will only be referred to as Colette. 

So he has experience with escorts?  Sounds familiar to me as my chap said the same thing to me - he "knew a lot about escorting" - I said fine good luck to you. 

When I told him that calling me and texting me constantly was out of order, he begged to differ as he professed he knew more about escorting than I did. 

In the end I got fed up with the whole thing and kissed the money goodbye.  It's not worth the hassle at the end of the day. 

Alex

Well said wowzers.............

I agree with that totally and yes it is about manipulating and controlling .................

What gives the client the right to know our real names?  It's totally intrusive................

I had a guy on the phone the other day asking about a booking and asked me if I am married............... I said to him - that's a little rude of you !  Are you married I said?  He replied yes and then I said to him - Good I am pleased for you now as to whether or not I am married - that is a "Need to know" and in my opinion I dont think you "need to know"!!!!

We did laugh it off but I meant it - I refuse to give out such details now as I dont think they need to know.   Just as my experience as detailed above taught me a lot and from now on I am far more guarded with information. 

Alex x

The problem is Colette hasn't said anything to him, so how would he know?
She says in the first couple of lines in her post that she hasn't had a chance to discuss her discomfort with him yet. After all this time has passed, and because she hasn't brought it up since the last meeting, he now probably thinks that the two of them are at that stage where it's okay to call her by her first name. It's also probably why he's bemused that you've signed off 'Colette' in your text.

You need to clear the air with him Colette. I bet he doesn't even realise the upset he's causing. You need to speak to him before your overnight this weekend. If he doesn't understand and respect your boundaries, then kick him to the kerb. But speak to him before the weekend.

Do you have an email address for him.  If you feel uncomfortable discussing it over the phone it might be easier to pop it in an email. 

This is getting to you now, and if you allow it to continue it's going to keep getting worse. Unless you have no intention of being an escort a few months from now, you need to maximise your sanity, not your profit.It's easy to get messed up by this game.

What she said it....I'll take it too

Hi Guys.
Thankyou for all your replies and your good advice.

Yes i can see that i really need to clear the air. I think my problem is that I'm not a naturally dominant person and i worry too much about upsetting other people when really i should think more about my own feelings.

I will have to talk to him before the overnight as i don't want to travel all that way and then get into a confrontation when i get there.
I wish i had never agreed to start travelling to his for overnights now,I've set a rod for my own back. A few of you suggested that i ask him to see me in a hotel in my hometown. That did come up in conversation before and he mentioned that he would expect the cost of the hotel to be taken off the price of the overnight! I didn't agree as the price he is paying already is int really enough in my opinion for 12 hours of my time (i met him working through my last agency and he still pays the same price as then) Money has been an issue from the start,when we first started arranging private overnights he wanted to come to a cheaper 'arrangement' for seeing me on a regular basis. I was firm however and said it wouldn't be happening.

I have spoken with my boyfriend and he says to  use him as the excuse for not doing overnights,i.e,say that my boyfriend is very unhappy about me doing them and i will have to stop as my relationship is more important. Then if i feel comfortable just see him for shorter bookings. I really don't want to be doing overnights,i dread them coming round and i can see now I've made a rod for my own back. The money just is int worth it for something i don't want to be doing (maybye if i was getting ?1000+ )
I think the problem is he sees us as friends and likes to kid himself that it is more than a financial arrangement and using my name is a part of that.I can see now that i will just have to explain politely that i would like to be called Colette while we are on an appointment and if he starts been funny or dismissive with me i will have to say i cant see him anymore.

Wish me luck.....

Good luck Colette. It can be difficult to deal with situations when you think your actions/words will upset the other person but you need to put your need and feelings on the same level as his. Just because you are the service provider, it doesn't mean he gets his own way. Its not you being mean, its you looking after you and in this game, that is really important.   

Colette, I didn't realise about the money issue, babes, if he wants to see you so badly he'll pay for the hotel, don't try to make it easy on the guy, he is obviously trying it on as much as he can. I think you need to tell him the truth including that he is getting you for less than you are worth as an independent.

The more I hear about him the more I'd say walk away.