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Author Topic: How not to book an escort,world championships!  (Read 2599209 times)

improbablecats

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2955 on: 23 June 2012, 06:38:51 pm »
A brief totally normal enquiry first thing this morning.
A few hours later a subsequent text from the same number:

Him: Im gonna fuck u hard this week babe x
Bad Jodie: Why are you sending such a dreadful text to my disabled nieces phone?
She's only 9 years old!*

Him: Him: Sorry wrong number meant to be 318 on end do appologise
Bad Jodie: HA!  Got you.
Yes it will be a delight to get royally shagged  by you.
Phone me when you're ready to book me. :-)
Jodie. xx
www.---.com
Him: Lol i actually felt really bad then well played ,see you in the week ,town centre yeah x
Bad Jodie: I'm a very bad person!
Smiles
See you soon.
Jodie. xx
www.---.com


*Now saved as a template to frak with their heads!

Jodie, you're a bad, bad girl. :D

Mellow

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2956 on: 24 June 2012, 07:36:35 am »
Voicemail received at 12.12 am:

Hello love I'm looking for a prostitute in the London area, call me back if you are available

Nothing much wrong with that you may cry, except I am in Scotland

Coty

  • Guest
Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2957 on: 24 June 2012, 09:10:17 am »
Text last night.

"You free? Pick you up and drop you off after. no probs."


How could I resist!.....I managed somehow!

lili69

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2958 on: 24 June 2012, 10:25:22 am »
A great AW booking greeted me this morning when I woke up.  It was for 7am this morning and the booking was made at 6.49am - 11 minutes notice!  And for a clearly fake address - a hotel that does not exist and a postcode that was completely incorrect for the town!  hmmmmmm I don't think I'll be rushing to jump in the shower for this one!!!!

River

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2959 on: 25 June 2012, 01:52:33 pm »
Chris: My darling  ur  mag ad   IM  Chris  young  60  FIRST  TIMER  I  WOULD  LOVE  U  TO  SIT  ON  MY  CHEST  UR  STEM  IN  MY  MOUTH  MY  HEAD  SQUEEZED  BETWEEN  UR  THIGHS  IM  IN  LONDON  XXXX

- OK call me then.

Chris: DARLING  IM  VERY  old  fashioned  TEXT  OR  MOBILE  PHONE  WOULD  U PLEASE  CUM  TO  LONDON  ALL  EXPENSES  PAID   U HAVE  A  LOVELY  BODY  SEDUCE  ME  SIT  ON  ME   MAKE  LOVE  TO  ME  SWEETHEART  XXXX

- Sounds good. You must now phone me, straight away.
My hotel rates are: ?--- one hour ?--- two hours ?--- three hours ?--- overnight
When you are looking to book an engagement please phone me to arrange.
Speak soon.

Chris: MY  DARLIMG  PLEASE  YOUR  RATES  IF  I  VISITED  YOU  THANK  YOU  XX

-My incall rates are: ?--- one hour ?--- two hours ?--- three hours, overnight n/a.
When you are looking to book an engagement please phone me to arrange.

Chris: thank  u   u  have  a  LOVELY  BODY   I  WOULD  LOVE  A  FIRST  TIME  EXPERIENE   WITH  U  I  HAVE  NEVER  SUCKED  A  PENUS  BEFORE  AND  I  WOULD  LOVE  U  TO  SIT  ON  MY  CHEST  AND  ON  MY  FACE   MY  BIG  PROBLEM  IS  MONEY   CHRIS  XX   PS COULD  U   SEND  ME  PHOTO  NAKED  SQUATTING   FACING  CAMERA   SO  I  CAN  PICTURE  U  SAT  ON  ME  ALL  MY LOVE   XXXX

- Your earlier text said: PLEASE  CUM  TO  LONDON  ALL  EXPENSES  PAID. If you have no money why are you bothering me? Are you like this with other Escorts? Should I list you as a time waster and BLOCK YOUR NUMBER?

Chris Why  im  a  timewaster

- Because you made an enquiry, received my rates,,then you reply
QUOTE :PLEASE  CUM  TO  LONDON  ALL  EXPENSES  PAID
Subsequently you request pornographic pictures of me and at the same time say:
MY BIG PROBLEM IS MONEY.
Are you looking to book me? If so phone me.
« Last Edit: 24 January 2017, 04:28:10 pm by River »

ilovedots

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2960 on: 25 June 2012, 02:19:04 pm »
Are you looking to book me? If so phone me.
If not,  then by your non action, you will be a time waster of the highest order
second in pure evilness, only to the Moors Murderers, Pol Pot and the Great Plague of London.
Over to you.

I wish I had the ability to repel their advances with such wit and humour! ;D Instead of constantly telling them to "GET LOST!"
Yes, I'd risk it for a biscuit, as I said, you know me.

Kimmy

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2961 on: 25 June 2012, 09:37:10 pm »
I had this one today entitled 'oral for ladies':

Number X, flat X, X road, my town
30 pound half an hour
Come let me suck lick and nibble on your clit
Open everyday from 11am till 1am
Simple knock the door or phone 0XXXXXXXXX

Don't all rush at once asking me for the number, ok?  ::)

Why do they always use the word "nibble"?! It makes me cross my legs and squirm just thinking about it. Does any woman what teeth involved in that area?! Ick ick ick...

I think they think we genuinely like it, god knows why. The amount of clients I get that rip my pussy lips apart where my clit is and proceed to torture it harshly with their tongue....*shudders*

I always have to squirm and move so their tongue is positioned lower down, yet they still move back up!

lady c

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2962 on: 25 June 2012, 10:03:33 pm »
disgusting email today
client requests can you do 10 minute deep throat for 10 pound though it will only take 3 mins when you have me in your mouth.... yuk deleted and blocked ha where do they come from..

Had a client a few weeks ago foreign, english was okish half hour app. pointed to me down there you clean  down there you want washy for me, you wash, i replied i am very clean had a bath for you ha he was so funny with his accent.

ilovedots

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2963 on: 26 June 2012, 12:15:33 am »
Had a client a few weeks ago foreign, english was okish half hour app. pointed to me down there you clean  down there you want washy for me, you wash, i replied i am very clean had a bath for you ha he was so funny with his accent.

A couple of years ago a client turned up on my doorstep, sour face, no 'hello' or anything, walked in, explained that his "English not very good". I just thought 'whatever, I can live with that'. Anyway, we were on the bed, naked, and he did exactly the same thing as your guy, Ladychannel. Pointed to my ladyparts and said "you clean?", I tried to keep my cool and explain politely... but before I knew it, he was attempting to give me a bit of a clean with a wet wipe. I was outraged! He acted really shitty and the rest of the story is not worth sharing, but suffice it to say that he received what I call "Royal treatment", reserved only for the most annoying men ... ;D
Yes, I'd risk it for a biscuit, as I said, you know me.

ana30

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2964 on: 26 June 2012, 01:15:47 am »
Sorry I need to post this cause it's really funny. Some guy calls me last week:

him- Hi, I'm a high profile football player and I want a sensual massage.
me- No prob. Just call me when you get to X corner and I'll give you my address.
him- I'm sorry but I'm very concerned about my privacy cause ...I'm... famous, ya know?

(like I give a shit dude. Do you think I'm going to call the paps on you or something??? I hate football and the only player I know is david Beckham so  I'm not going to have a clue who you are)

me- Don't worry, my place is extremely discreet, your privacy is assured. You're totally safe here.
him- Are you sure I can trust you?
me- Absolutely.

Guy arrives  and lies on my massage table. He has the skinniest legs I've ever seen in my life with not one gram of muscle  (i used to do sports massage before so I know very well how professional football players legs look like).

me- Errr.... You don't have football players legs, ya know? (call me bitch).

Guy looks at me in utter horror. He's busted. His fantasy broken in pieces.

him- Ok...But... I can run very fast!!!

(god give me strength)
« Last Edit: 26 June 2012, 01:19:22 am by Ana30 »
Mornings were made for sleeping, wild sex and bacon.

MissDeeVonTease

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2965 on: 26 June 2012, 10:55:13 am »
Hi,

Would you consider bareback sex at your discretion, I am clean and I have had the snip

Thanks Paul xx

i send a massive rant back to him and he replied

WOW

I will take that as a no, but I relay like your reply

Paul xx

what the HELL is wrong with guys like this??  :FF :FF :FF :FF :FF :FF :FF :FF :FF :FF
@DeeVonTeaseBBW

MissDeeVonTease

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2966 on: 26 June 2012, 11:09:30 am »
he gets better...

'I can not see anyway on your profile where it says that you do not do bareback

and I know it is not in your likes, that is why I asked' ::)
@DeeVonTeaseBBW

Jan10

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  • Posts: 499
Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2967 on: 26 June 2012, 11:23:52 am »
Rrrr, guy I saw for 2 x 30 mins until I realised cocaine was a feature of every appointment (I did make this clear on appt 2 hence he only stayed for the 30 as he could 'only stay longer if he could do coke' (knob). For certain reasons I do NOT want to be around or even associated loosely with that sh*t:

him: is the recreational drugs ban still on
me: yes

2 days later:
him: are you available for a 30 min appt
me: did I not make it clear what my views were
him: who is this


God give me strength.


This is yet another example of clients making assumptions about escorts and taking the piss. Would this thick retard go into his first day at a new job and assume it was okay to take drugs on the premises? So why the hell do they think that all escorts are happy to let them do that? Some of them really are the dregs of society.  :FF
Hello nice to meet you :)

reneesme

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2968 on: 26 June 2012, 08:06:42 pm »
I was asked if I would give a client my special offer rate (just for mornings) on a friday afternoon, I said no - that is why it is a morning offer, he said "that's a shame as it would be worth some really good feedback"  bloody arse!!!! beggers belief

bananamuffin

  • Guest
Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2969 on: 27 June 2012, 11:29:57 am »
Text 'booking':

Moron: Can you do an outcall at 9.30 tonight at XXXX Services?
Me: Yes I could do that. Are you at the Travelodge, and how long did you want?
Moron: No, parked up in my lorry, nice big bed. 2 hrs.
Me: Er, no thanks
Moron: Your loss

(Does it say on my profile that I do car meets, never mind lorry meets...!! No, course it doesn't)

You can just see the headlines the next day - 'ageing prostitute found dead in motorway layby in the north of england.....'


Oh, he's now just texted again - 'Why don't you book a room, you might get other work'.

He must a lorry-based consultant to the WGs of the west midlands......

Aaaaand block!