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Author Topic: How not to book an escort,world championships!  (Read 2594715 times)

Clarabella

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2925 on: 16 June 2012, 12:28:21 pm »
An occasional client.
{He has tried this shit before}

            Tosser: i will have to pay tomorrow but i will give you my watch in the meantime
            Tosser: hey trust me i promise
Annoyed Jodie: In the words of George Bush: "Not on my watch "
                         I'm a porn hooker
                         Not a pawn Broker.   ;D


Edit  I'm not really annoyed. I'm lying in my waterbed, watching a movie on youtube Monster True story about a serial killer prozzie, who killed clients.
While listening to Mr Jodie (on the phone) witter on about his accountant not correctly applying capitol depletion to the fleet of 4x4's.  I think he's saying he's paid too much tax.  God I'm trying to concentrate on serial killings.
(Poetic licence on that bit as she hasn't killed the first person yet)
  Jodie, you are one crazy chick haha.  Love it!  :-*


Clarabella

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2926 on: 16 June 2012, 12:32:15 pm »
Jeez, had this little charmer the other day.  Made my stomach turn.


"hello

i require a live in babysitter to work in our home in london, woking

i can pay upto 500 a month. accomodation, meals, internet etc will be free

need an open minded female who can be secretly intimate with me too. i am 32 yrs old and live with a wife and kids

if interested, drop me a line. we can chat either on phone or skype whichever you prefer

thanks"

What a total F.R.E.A.K  >:(  Pisses me off when clients bring children into their sordid little fantasies.  Wanted to give him a piece of my mind and tell him what I thought of him.  But sigh... what would that achieve. 

Hope you are all having a productive week! xx
 

xw5

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2927 on: 16 June 2012, 01:01:08 pm »
I don't think that they are - I read this as 'need a cheap live-in mistress, must double as au pair..'

So yes, complete shit, but not necessarily wanting sex with the kids.
'The Ian formerly known as SW5'. What they said: "Indispensable", "You are our best resource", and (hours later!) "I'm afraid that you're being made redundant..."

Winding down YourEscortSite.com

Brown Eyed Girl

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2928 on: 16 June 2012, 01:21:39 pm »
He?s been sending that email for months, I?ve had it several times, shocking he can?t find anyone to take him up on such an amazing offer!  ::)

Clarabella

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2929 on: 16 June 2012, 02:31:58 pm »
I don't think that they are - I read this as 'need a cheap live-in mistress, must double as au pair..'

So yes, complete shit, but not necessarily wanting sex with the kids.

No, I didn't mean involvement with the children in that sense.  I was referring to the knob having no regard for the children etc.  Definitely a weirdo in any case.  On par with the homosexual men that keep emailing me with requests to send them all my used condoms for cash  :-X  Apparently, the guy and his partner reeeeeally find it a turn-on to play with them.  Lol, anyone else had that one yet?!  I hate to be judgemental but.. GAG..!!

PoshTotty

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2930 on: 16 June 2012, 02:55:46 pm »
Hello. I?m new to this forum but have been an escort for many years, but this year has been the worst for timewasters and idiots, mainly via email, so I?m glad I found this thread! Here are a few of my recent gems...

After a client asked if he could watch me masturbate during a booking he said, ?Did you masturbate this evening by any chance??
Ignore. (But what I would like to say in return ?None of your damn business?).


After a man asked how often I orgasm with clients (which I managed to deflect somewhat) he replied with, ?I expect you're off to fuck your boyfriend now and you get plenty of orgasms with him anyway so you don't need them at work?.
Ignore. (But what I would like to say in return ?None of your damn business?). Plus I never mentioned my BF.


And this email:
Him: Hi PT. Would you be happy having sex in my car on your discreet driveway? [Wanker]
Me: Hello [wanker]. Thanks for your email, but I?m afraid I don?t offer that, sorry. PT.
Him: Prefer on the bonnet then do ya? Lol
Him (20 minutes later): You wouldn't do it on the bonnet then?
Ignore.


And another:
Him: Hi PT. Do you ever get on skype, webcam or anything like that?
Me: [blah] no [blah]
Him: Hi. Ok. I thought seeing you're on webcam in the evenings you'd let me talk to you on it.
As I?m not on webcam I don?t know how he could possibly have seen me. Ignore.


"I've seen you posting on punternet a few times, do you mind if I ask which guys from punternet you've fucked? Or mind if I have a guess?"
(eh?! Why?)


"I'd like to book an appointment with you but I do have one concern that I'm unsure about. If your boyfriend is so good in bed your not going to enjoy it with me or other guys are you?"
(I have never mentioned my sex god BF!)


Him: Hi PT. Your very loud when you orgasm When did you last orgasm like that at work? [wanker]
Me: ignore


Another:
Him: PT, I'd love to run a finger inbetween your pussy lips feeling how wet you are. Just teasing your pussy and feeling your wetness :)
Me: (feeling rather dry in the pussy department) ignore

PoshTotty

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2931 on: 16 June 2012, 03:21:28 pm »
I had the opposite last night....mind you at least he had the decency to ask.

"Can I send to a pic of my cock?"

Hmmm, no you're alright thanks......BLOCK!

It's great when they ask that. I always feel like replying "Oh yes please, I'm not sure what a penis looks like" ::)

Coty

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2932 on: 16 June 2012, 04:43:39 pm »
I had the opposite last night....mind you at least he had the decency to ask.

"Can I send to a pic of my cock?"

Hmmm, no you're alright thanks......BLOCK!

It's great when they ask that. I always feel like replying "Oh yes please, I'm not sure what a penis looks like" ::)

LOL

That's actually the first time anyone ever asked me! They usually just send them...URGH...hate it. Also won't follow anyone on twitter with a dick pic....just don't want to be looking at it thanks!


Cat_BBW

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2933 on: 16 June 2012, 07:30:59 pm »
I had the opposite last night....mind you at least he had the decency to ask.

"Can I send to a pic of my cock?"

Hmmm, no you're alright thanks......BLOCK!

It's great when they ask that. I always feel like replying "Oh yes please, I'm not sure what a penis looks like" ::)

LOL

That's actually the first time anyone ever asked me! They usually just send them...URGH...hate it. Also won't follow anyone on twitter with a dick pic....just don't want to be looking at it thanks!

Me neither! I've said it before, in all my years of sucking cock (both working and private life) there's only a couple of cocks I've met that's been so attractive that I would consider worthy of worshipping (or - at least - admiring for a few seconds).

Had one potential slave last night, initial contact wanted to know how to become my slave, so I gave him my email addy so I can 'develop' him. As promised, he sent initial email, but with a huge pic of his sore-looking pink cock attached. This was very much NOT asked for, neither had he paid for the priviledge of sending it to me, so I emailed "goodbye" and dumped email.

CassieM

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2934 on: 16 June 2012, 07:50:09 pm »
"want it for ?40".

Keep wanting, pal. Not getting.

 :FF

Coty

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2935 on: 16 June 2012, 09:02:53 pm »
Me neither! I've said it before, in all my years of sucking cock (both working and private life) there's only a couple of cocks I've met that's been so attractive that I would consider worthy of worshipping (or - at least - admiring for a few seconds).

Had one potential slave last night, initial contact wanted to know how to become my slave, so I gave him my email addy so I can 'develop' him. As promised, he sent initial email, but with a huge pic of his sore-looking pink cock attached. This was very much NOT asked for, neither had he paid for the priviledge of sending it to me, so I emailed "goodbye" and dumped email.

 ;D  Oh I love it when you're all stern and masterful Mistress!
LOL

Cat_BBW

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2936 on: 16 June 2012, 09:34:09 pm »
Me neither! I've said it before, in all my years of sucking cock (both working and private life) there's only a couple of cocks I've met that's been so attractive that I would consider worthy of worshipping (or - at least - admiring for a few seconds).

Had one potential slave last night, initial contact wanted to know how to become my slave, so I gave him my email addy so I can 'develop' him. As promised, he sent initial email, but with a huge pic of his sore-looking pink cock attached. This was very much NOT asked for, neither had he paid for the priviledge of sending it to me, so I emailed "goodbye" and dumped email.

 ;D  Oh I love it when you're all stern and masterful Mistress!
LOL

HAHAHAHAAA! ;D ;D ;D On your knees, obedient sub  8)

MissKimmyDouglas

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2937 on: 16 June 2012, 10:34:03 pm »
Yesterday I had not one but TWO hagglers... who got to find out that haggling with Miss D = cancelled appointment. And one guy who wanted me to be submissive, after messaging me specifically. Clearly the man had READ my profile, but not comprehended.  :FF
Other past winners...
Fellow who wanted me to travel to bumfuck nowhere, Scottish Highlands for a 30-minute appointment; a dude who kept trying to scam pix out of me (no, cheapskate, you have to pay up like everyone else); a confused person claiming to be an American tourist who appeared to have zero grasp of English and wanted me to do an overnight in England for ?1000.

Mellow

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2938 on: 16 June 2012, 10:41:22 pm »
OOh lucky you Kimmy I'm sooooooooo jealous!

Well today thus far I've had:

One guy wanting to use implements to spank me with despite the fact I'm clear on my profile I only do light spanking, no BDSM.
Oh he says I was disappointed by a girl before who said she offered spanking and me thinking I bet you were, cos I bet you didnt read her profile either!

One guy asking if 'I really squirted' (gets on my ffing wick I'm not a machine, read my profile and feedback dullwit!) makes an appointment then FAILS TO SHOW.

One guy asking if I'd be happy to see two guys.........well does it say so on my profile ...NO NO NO!

And don't even get me started on the cam guys................

MissKimmyDouglas

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2939 on: 16 June 2012, 10:47:40 pm »
Oh, and I almost forgot about the guy (years ago) who sent me a message saying: 'I know you do this professionally, but I'm broke and can't afford your rates, so could you spank me for free since you enjoy it?'.  (Now, I have swapped for things... I gave a guy a CBT session in exchange for him steam-cleaning my rugs and scrubbing the kitchen, but that's different to free). Also the person who went (and I paraphrase) 'I think you're hot, would you like to go out for coffee and maybe we could date?'...um, dude...you're on UKMistress, not OK Cupid. (Also, just because I'm a domme/escort does not mean I'm single).