Recived this morning: had a good laugh and felt sick at the same time.  (Yuk)

Hi babes i am partick how are you i am single and looking forward to havibg a relationship with you but i must warn you i am not a skinny bone iam a very hairy big boy with a big hairy dick and balls and juicy hairy belly you can lick on kisses and we may talk on whats lapp i am from germany.

Ewwww! lick his hairy belly  pmsl.

This precious gem just came at 1:30am my time...

Hey sexy are you available? I need you7 now.  I'm going to jail in the morning ok?

This precious gem just came at 1:30am my time...

Hey sexy are you available? I need you7 now.  I'm going to jail in the morning ok?

Oh what a catch 

Had someone call last night, and I think he literally asked me about everything I don't do, sometimes twice - anal, deepthroat, water sports, if I had another escort pal who could join us, rimming. He went on and on for a good 10 minutes, and I just kept trying to say 'Perhaps you should go and look at my website...' He found me on Backpage/Cracker.

Said he would call back tonight about a possible booking. I hope he doesn't!

I've just had these three on the bounce:

1) AW message -

"Can you please send me a private email or text:
details-removed-to-protect-the-daft@gmail.com
07ditto"

Erm... no? You managed to message me 

2) Phone call -

Him - "Hi I've seen your ad on AW and would like to come and see you"
Me - "Sure, what time would you like?"
Him - "Is 1'o'clock OK? Where abouts in Middlesbrough are you?
Me - "I'm actually based in Cramlington, though I will be touring down that way in..."
Phone - *Disconnected noise*

How rude!

3) Phone call from a gent who found me on backpage (First time using it so put a few pics and basic info plus my AW name and a line asking they look at pics, services, rates and reviews there)

Was a longer phone call than I normally do but he didn't check out my AW profile so needed more info

Turns out he's also in the Middlesbrough area so advised him about my upcoming tour in the area but as he was looking for an immediate visit I suggested a girl who's highly reviewed in the area

Him - "oh no, she's no good, she's far too big"
Me - "ah OK, then I should let you know I'm considerably bigger than her"
Him - "What size are you? 12?"
Me - "I'm actually a size 18-20"
Him - "..."
Him - "..."
Him - "..."
Him - "Well you sound really nice and I like the look of your pictures... I think I'll still see you when you're here"

 

New phone but have my contacts saved from my old phone, got a text from someone saved as 'norwich moron'

hi, just curious, were you on a train to norwich yesterday evening? i think i saw you! or at least someone gorgeous who looked like you x

I ignored the text,  25 mins later...

oh sorry hun i just read you dont reply to texts. im really shy/anxious about calls but could call you briefly if we end up meeting i think x

Again I ignored, 10 hours later...

i know you hate texts but i have to know whether you were the girl on the train to norwich in tight white jeans on tuesday because if so i missed out like crazy and definitly need to pick up the confidence to call you next time your around x

I drove to norwich so deffo wasnt me, classic time waster, trying to strike up free text chat with no intention of booking 

The subject is just "booking".

"I HOW CAN Y SEE YOU."

Whaaaaaat??