a Nintendo DS! 
Love to see the look on his son's face when he explains that daddy pawned his games console for a BJ... 

Someone just rung me and kept making a loud burping sound down the phone 


Then another

Him: I want to book an appointment
Me: Yes when for?
Him: For tonight I want to book a dogging appointment
Me: Well I don't do dogging
Him: Do you do foot fetish?
Me: Yes
Him: Can I come round and buy your sweaty smelly socks?
Me: No sorry mine are clean
Him: Ok
Me: Bye
I thought it was another 2 days til April fools day 

Well ladies, keep your hands off this one, he's all mine!

11.48 - I get payd tomorow can u help me till then bj
11.50 - Or if there is anything i can do for u
11.56 - I can leave a nintendo ds till tomorrow
12.18 - R u interested av seen u before
12.59 - Or do u need a driver
13.00 - If u can let me know that would be greate
13.58 - R u interested will do anything u want
14.19 - Could u do it for a tenna thats all i got
14.21 - Half the time though
14.23 - If u could msg bk that would be greate i have seen u beforevr bj
14.25 - Can u help i know the address from last time
14.30 - Take it u not interested
14.47 - Tenna it will only be a quick one

His grammar is what got to me... These men are a mess 

oops posted in the wrong thread.

New profile, opened yesterday

Good morning
I am very sorry for bothering you with a message, I am sure you are extremely busy on here.

I am contacting you today to see if you would have any need for a personal driver, security or manager to help you with your bookings, safety and business?

A little about me. I am a Structural Engineer to trade. So I am educated. I drive a brand new Volvo v40 Cross Country, which would be an ideal car for you to be driven around in. Driving doesn't have to be exclusively work related, it can be personal also.
Also, if required I would happily manage your bookings and profile to keep you up to date and keep your clients happy.

Another aspect I am interested in is perhaps investing in a 'working flat'. Ive got a good amount of money which id like to buy a flat with and kit it up for a working girl. So hopefully if this interested you, you would be able to help with the interior design and safety.

Anyway, if there is anything you are interested in or would like to discuss please do get back. The reason I am interested in the adult entertainment industry is because I believe its a very lucrative industry and I believe there is plenty for all.

Hope to hear from you

New profile, opened yesterday

So he basically wants to be a pimp. 

Noticing lately a few callers with a brothel mentality, and need to be seen in the next 10 minutes, I can see regulars quickly within 30 minutes as I don't feel the need to be so dolled up or mentally prepared but new clients expecting to phone and come over straight away really fuckin annoys me  . I also think its because I like to feel in charge of when I see them and not the other way around.
Another one called saying he wants to over now, I said no I'd require an hours notice (I didn't but the very fact he thinks he can dictate to me sets me off) to which he replied "Okay I'll call you later when I'm in the area" I said "you can call when you are in the area but you still have to wait an hour for a booking".
All these are listed as twats