Oh god PregnantKinky..

When they book, arrive, then offer less money thinking I can be negotiated down.  Start telling me they here and there's the cash.

Window or door, but there leaving, disrespectful twats. 

Just got these emails, xD

HIM: Hi love do you no who the father of your baby is ? Or was it a 1 night stand ? Thanks keel
ME:Sperm donor

HIM: I know you might find this strange but are you looking for a partner or anything?? I would love to provide for you and your baby. I have just had news I will never be a dad. I'm desperate to be a father. Thanks keel x

HIM: I will pay and provide I promise. Would you be interested in meeting up ? I'm deadly serious about this love honestly. x

ME: Maybe go and find a partner on a dating site, not an escort site x

HIM: I do have a partner already. Could I ask how much you paid for a sperm donor please ? Did you go to a company ? X

ME: Went through a clinic, I would research what is best for you two.

Having had around 2 hrs sleep from a massive storm here my mood not improved by this barrage of idiotic texts sent at stupid o'clock between midnight & 3am.

Hi babe Are you working today??
How much for 2 hours with you ??
Hi babe Are you available tonorrow ??
Is that you really ??
If it is really you how much for 2 hours with you one night ??
I will give you ?300 for 2 hours if you let me fuck you up your wall with my big cock
I will push you across your floor and make you push my balls up your wet pussy and beg me to fuck you harder ?
I am gonna push my cock right to the bottom of your pussy and pound it until you squirt ok ??

I'm so excited. Yawn...he was wasting his time since my phone was of course off...moron.

I will push you across your floor

Just gives me an image of him mopping the floor with you. What a fucking idiot.

I have had a number of weird texts, but this one is still top of the list for me and cracks me up everytime I think of it:

"I'm 16 and in desperate need of a free blowjob."

Made me laugh

Two days in a row now I've received an Adultwork message from a couple (different profile) and when I go to the site to reply they have deleted their profile - the messages were fairly standard with no world championship winning crap but apparently they're too nervous to wait for a reply?

I get these emails too, not from couples but guys that send then immediately delete their profile.

Text just received:

"Hi there lv I'm andy and lv to wear short skirts, stockings, heels ect maybe we cud hv a baby 2gether wud lv to meet u xx"

Wow, where do I sign up?!