I've had a couple of strange texts this week!

wasn't sure if it was some weirdo trying to get a reaction or he was being serious...
"I thought I'd try my luck and see. Well I'm from prison I'm out for the day to work I gotta go bk later I was wondering if u wanna make me a happy man and give me a free bee. You would make my day as its been ages. I'm 30 young and fit, go on its nearly Christmas let me know"
   Still 6 weeks away from Christmas the Baffoon! Fair enough if it was next week but come on! Why did he tell me he was in prison as well it was all just a bit odd!

Next one "Den Nha toi toi dangky Ngay" 

Lol he's just another chancer with a dumb story they come with all sorts of crap. The other message is Vietnamese not quite sure it was meant for you. I think it says something about bailiffs coming to their house or something to do with marriage not quite sure somebody official anyway lol.

Quote from: Red KB on 11 November 2015, 06:40:19 pm

"So... to put it simply, I'm a 23 year old virgin and I want to have the best experience ever when I lose my virginity. I'm a bit on the fence as to who I choose to have this encounter with, but I really just wanted to know your thoughts on how we could make this magical?"

Someone is clearly looking for some wank fodder!

Noones virginity losing is ever magical!

Tell him Either you'll cum in your pants as soon as I get my tits out or you'll be so nervous you won't get hard and I'll end up wanking you until my achey arm resents you and your cock gets blisters. Take your pick.

Haha! Very true! I've seen 2 guys previously who claimed to be virgins. Neither could stay hard and I could easily believe they were virgins. And if they were, they left that way too!

Guy in Glasgow sent me an email with the heading "yes baby", knew it was gonna be cringey but wasn't quite prepared for the link to a porn site of a video he just uploaded of himself wanking himself off for about 4 minutes and then the email said, when can we meet?

I checked his profile and he says lots of people take the piss out of him and he doesn't know why? Hmmmmm 

As if an escort needs to see a picture or a video of another cock like we don't see enough. Was this suppose to turn me on? 

Oh yes, I got the "you've got massive jugs" text. I'm a B cup. Not just stupid, but also blind.   

Oh, not forgetting the umpteen texts that drip through during the day just saying 'Hi' or 'how are you' - I'm often tempted to reply, 'Oh I'm great thanks, apart from yadda yadda yadda' and reel off an essay about how desperate/depressed I am so they don't annoy me again . However, I just ignore; it's easier and less finger action (I have enough of that to do with guys bumholes  ). Any genuine booking won't really piss about with mindless dribble and will request a solid time and date without mincing around looking for text tennis.

" I saw your profile on AdultWork.com and ...
 Hi I am local and have a sorcifc fantasy where I want a woman to trick me into being dinner a bit like an adult hansel and gretel where I end up as a honey roasted pig
 
 Chris ****** - sorry if the reply is short or incorrectly phrased / Spelt but this has been sent from my iPhone 7"

I think he must have been watching the new series with Gino De Campo..

"ola my internet handle i have been trying to contact you for a while i already masturbate on top of yous profile picture about 95 times! are you impress? would you give me 350 pounds for a overnight? if yes text me for 078912352** mr.jay woodcock brown! "

Hhmm yes please lol frickin' idiots

 

Wow so wait a minute.......

So illiterate guy number one wants you to eat him? 

Then he blames his crap spelling on an phone that's not even out yet for another 11 months? 

THEN the next illiterate guy wants YOU to pay HIM ?350 to put up with him for the night and wonders if you are impressed with him wanking himself into oblivion over your profile? 

Ok you win! Your crazy emails this week well and truly make all of mine seem entirely normal.

2 weeks ago I had a client phone me on the Friday nite just after 11pm for a booking, I said that I was sorry but he's left it too late to book me as I don't work at this time and even when I do work......I only take bookings with notice (I shouldn't have answered the phone, my bad).

He said when are you next available and I said Monday or if he prefers weekends then it would be the following weekend.

I was sitting in my jammies after just having a nice bath, hair up in a bun, makeup off and feeling nice and fresh and cosy in front of the TV and the guy turns round and says.......

Aw sorry, can I not just come round and suck your tits for 10 minutes?

I took a second to process his request and said I just wonder where in your mind you thought your request would be appealing to me even if I was working nevermind when I'm not?

He said I don't see what the matter is? I want to see you!

I said I would rather poke both my own eyes out than have some random stranger turn up at my house to dangle from my boobs for any length of time.

He just could not for the life of him understand why his request didn't get the response he was hoping for? His charming ways much have worked for someone else for him to be so unwilling to accept my answer being a swift NO!

He then proceeded to tell me to stop wasting his time, that I was cheap and that I WAS TO THINK before I speak in future?? Really? I wonder why thinking before HE spoke and taking some of his own advice didn't occur to him?

Is it just me or would anyone else have jumped at the chance of someone coming round to suck their tits for 10 minutes? Whether they were working or not?

It's not as if I don't like my boobs being sucked, it's all part of the service but his 10 minute boob sucking request (out of hours) didn't appeal to me in the slightest even if he paid my hourly rate (an hour is the minimum I do) which I very much doubt he would have wanted to part with ?130 for 10 minutes of boob sucking.

You just have to wonder what someone like that would be like in person if they can't even behave for 30 seconds on the phone? I'm so glad that so many of them give themselves away at the phone call stage which is why I point blank refuse to accept text messages from strangers looking to book me.

2 weeks ago I had a client phone me on the Friday nite just after 11pm for a booking, I said that I was sorry but he's left it too late to book me as I don't work at this time and even when I do work......I only take bookings with notice (I shouldn't have answered the phone, my bad).

He said when are you next available and I said Monday or if he prefers weekends then it would be the following weekend.

I was sitting in my jammies after just having a nice bath, hair up in a bun, makeup off and feeling nice and fresh and cosy in front of the TV and the guy turns round and says.......

Aw sorry, can I not just come round and suck your tits for 10 minutes?

I took a second to process his request and said I just wonder where in your mind you thought your request would be appealing to me even if I was working nevermind when I'm not?

He said I don't see what the matter is? I want to see you!

I said I would rather poke both my own eyes out than have some random stranger turn up at my house to dangle from my boobs for any length of time.

He just could not for the life of him understand why his request didn't get the response he was hoping for? His charming ways much have worked for someone else for him to be so unwilling to accept my answer being a swift NO!

He then proceeded to tell me to stop wasting his time, that I was cheap and that I WAS TO THINK before I speak in future?? Really? I wonder why thinking before HE spoke and taking some of his own advice didn't occur to him?

Is it just me or would anyone else have jumped at the chance of someone coming round to suck their tits for 10 minutes? Whether they were working or not?

It's not as if I don't like my boobs being sucked, it's all part of the service but his 10 minute boob sucking request (out of hours) didn't appeal to me in the slightest even if he paid my hourly rate (an hour is the minimum I do) which I very much doubt he would have wanted to part with ?130 for 10 minutes of boob sucking.

You just have to wonder what someone like that would be like in person if they can't even behave for 30 seconds on the phone? I'm so glad that so many of them give themselves away at the phone call stage which is why I point blank refuse to accept text messages from strangers looking to book me.

so true this. I do get pissed off when they are so thick over the phone but I have to appreciate that they show their true colors over the phone rather than in person. Fingers crossed they remain mentally challenged like this otherwise we will have no way to suss out the real from the fakes.