Jesus Christ...no I couldn't be bothered either!

I had a shorter version.

hi madam. i love food sex.lets play as frends

The fantasists are out big style by the sounds of it! Just received this gem through email, how on earth anyone could get the impression I'd be interested in such crap from my adverts is beyond me!

I suppose I should start off by saying that I am 49yrs old, grey hair, blue eyes, medium build.
All this is quite new to me so please bear with me.
This fantasy is NOT about my humiliation or my satisfaction and not about tie and tease; it is all about your enjoyment of being in control and making someone submit to worshipping your favourite places ? your pussy and your ass. Cleanliness is very important to me as I know it must be with you. Although this fantasy pushes some of the boundaries I should point out that I am NOT in any way into, I think it is called hard sports.
I would like you ideally to be dressed in thigh length boots, a black pvc micro skirt with black panties. The Dom bitch look?
I want you to be an exhibitionist and very verbally explicit in your demands loving to fully expose yourself making me look and fully orally worship you in both those places.
I want you to act like a bitch who gets angry if I do not fully submit to you, who is forceful and will do anything to get her way. You are obsessed with using my mouth, tongue and fingers to masturbate you with and this being a total means of worship concentrating solely on your ass and pussy. You are excited about the fun you are going to have taking your time over the ultimate worship ? the water sports play.
I will obviously need to be tied up in order for you to maintain control, but I do not want to be trust up totally ? just enough for me to be able to easily move about as you demand and for you to be able to ensure control when I try to stop things happening. My wrists tied to the front so I can touch you when you demand it and perhaps it would be good to tie my ankles so I can?t get away from you easily. If you have a cane near you all the time that will help to keep me under control if I start to play up. The main thing is once I am tied up you complete this fantasy fully whatever I say or do. Getting your attitude right is really important.
As you can imagine it is also important that I am not marked during this fantasy ? which I appreciate is difficult. There is caning on the lower legs, feet etc, slapping, nipple pinching, hair pulling, ear pulling and other places that you can administer pain ? I do not like pain so hopefully I will end up submitting to you this way ? however you do have the ultimate weapon if needed ? the genuine threat of marking me? You use these techniques at any time I will not do as I am told or you are not satisfied I am fully submitting to you.
So here we go ? you have me tied up and now you?re in control.
You walk round with your cane telling me the sort of things you are going to make me do ? when I interrupt and refuse to agree then you discipline me to make me submit.
You make me lay on my back and squat over my face with your panties on. You are a few inches over my mouth and you tell me how later this is the position you will be in, with your two fingers each side of your pussy mimicking aiming pee into my mouth. You laugh telling me that by the time you have finished with me you will be making me beg for you to do that to me. You discipline me again to ensure I am submitting to you.
You then stand and walk to a chair you have prepared. A chair with two arms on it so you can put the back of each knee over them totally exposing the two places you want to be worshiped. You take off your panties and sit in the chair keeping your knees together.  You demand I crawl over to you and then you part your legs placing them over the arms of the chair. You slowly touch your vagina, opening the lips telling me how I am going to lick and drink from you. You get your fingers wet and demand I suck them. You feed me with your juice again getting angry if I don?t do exactly as I am told. You then tell me to suck your fingers making sure they are nice and wet, you then run them over your ass and tell me to lick it to lubricate it. You then finger yourself taking it out every so often to make me lubricate suck your finger and lick your ass to lubricate it some more.
You tell me to lubricate my finger and make me do it to you demanding I lick your pussy as I do it.
You then get a large toy and make me lube that before you slowly use it on your pussy, telling me you are going to make me suck it after it has gone as far inside you as you can get it. You then do the same to your ass but only going a little way inside.
You get on your hands and knees and again make me lick that ass demanding my tongue goes inside you.
You then tell me the time has come for your real fun to start and my ultimate test.
You make me sit with my face a very close to your pussy. You have towels under you and on the floor. You use your fingers to slightly open yourself up, enough to make me see exactly where the pee comes from as you let a few drops out. You stop and demand I lick you clean. You do this several time disciplining me if I won?t conform.
You then hold my head close to you. You demand I open my mouth demanding ?don?t you dare fucking pull away? ?keep your fucking mouth open? etc.  You hold my head so you stop me pulling away. You then pee into my mouth, stopping after a few drops and making me lick you clean again.
You then demand I place my mouth completely over your pussy ? You stroke my head telling me ?I?m a good boy? as long as I don?t pull away. You then let little drops directly into my mouth demanding I drink it. You repeat this several times.
You are not happy I am drinking you so you tell me you have an idea where you can ensure I drink it. You discipline me until I agree to lay on my back on the floor on your towels. You then squat over me so you are a few inches from my mouth. You place a finger each side of your pussy opening your lips slightly so you can aim better and so you can watch closely. You then make me beg for you to pee in my mouth. You make me agree to drink it. You make me do this by threatening to mark me perhaps threatening to use your thumb and finger on my neck to mimic a love bite?
When you are ready you demand I open my mouth and then just let little drops into it (not lots) and then ensure I swallow them. You do this several times and then rub yourself over my mouth(ensuring I can breathe ok ? not into suffocation) as you finish off peeing just letting it run over my mouth and lips until you are finished.
You then release me we shower and return to the bedroom where you let me play with you relieve me no longer being dom.
I know I have gone on a bit but it is so important that you know what I want to happen as once it starts I will have no say.
I don?t know if you would enjoy doing this or not. If not please say as it is important to me that you genuinely find this exciting and actually get some fun out to it.
Many thanks Paul xxx.

when they send me long winded letters  i just reply with a simple   -  sorry not my thing

Pretty much what I do as well! 

The fantasists are out big style by the sounds of it! Just received this gem through email, how on earth anyone could get the impression I'd be interested in such crap from my adverts is beyond me!

Quote

I suppose I should start off by saying that I am 49yrs old, grey hair, blue eyes, medium build.
All this is quite new to me so please bear with me.
This fantasy is NOT about my humiliation or my satisfaction and not about tie and tease; it is all about your enjoyment of being in control and making someone submit to worshipping your favourite places ? your pussy and your ass. Cleanliness is very important to me as I know it must be with you. Although this fantasy pushes some of the boundaries I should point out that I am NOT in any way into, I think it is called hard sports.
I would like you ideally to be dressed in thigh length boots, a black pvc micro skirt with black panties. The Dom bitch look?
I want you to be an exhibitionist and very verbally explicit in your demands loving to fully expose yourself making me look and fully orally worship you in both those places.
I want you to act like a bitch who gets angry if I do not fully submit to you, who is forceful and will do anything to get her way. You are obsessed with using my mouth, tongue and fingers to masturbate you with and this being a total means of worship concentrating solely on your ass and pussy. You are excited about the fun you are going to have taking your time over the ultimate worship ? the water sports play.
I will obviously need to be tied up in order for you to maintain control, but I do not want to be trust up totally ? just enough for me to be able to easily move about as you demand and for you to be able to ensure control when I try to stop things happening. My wrists tied to the front so I can touch you when you demand it and perhaps it would be good to tie my ankles so I can?t get away from you easily. If you have a cane near you all the time that will help to keep me under control if I start to play up. The main thing is once I am tied up you complete this fantasy fully whatever I say or do. Getting your attitude right is really important.
As you can imagine it is also important that I am not marked during this fantasy ? which I appreciate is difficult. There is caning on the lower legs, feet etc, slapping, nipple pinching, hair pulling, ear pulling and other places that you can administer pain ? I do not like pain so hopefully I will end up submitting to you this way ? however you do have the ultimate weapon if needed ? the genuine threat of marking me? You use these techniques at any time I will not do as I am told or you are not satisfied I am fully submitting to you.
So here we go ? you have me tied up and now you?re in control.
You walk round with your cane telling me the sort of things you are going to make me do ? when I interrupt and refuse to agree then you discipline me to make me submit.
You make me lay on my back and squat over my face with your panties on. You are a few inches over my mouth and you tell me how later this is the position you will be in, with your two fingers each side of your pussy mimicking aiming pee into my mouth. You laugh telling me that by the time you have finished with me you will be making me beg for you to do that to me. You discipline me again to ensure I am submitting to you.
You then stand and walk to a chair you have prepared. A chair with two arms on it so you can put the back of each knee over them totally exposing the two places you want to be worshiped. You take off your panties and sit in the chair keeping your knees together.  You demand I crawl over to you and then you part your legs placing them over the arms of the chair. You slowly touch your vagina, opening the lips telling me how I am going to lick and drink from you. You get your fingers wet and demand I suck them. You feed me with your juice again getting angry if I don?t do exactly as I am told. You then tell me to suck your fingers making sure they are nice and wet, you then run them over your ass and tell me to lick it to lubricate it. You then finger yourself taking it out every so often to make me lubricate suck your finger and lick your ass to lubricate it some more.
You tell me to lubricate my finger and make me do it to you demanding I lick your pussy as I do it.
You then get a large toy and make me lube that before you slowly use it on your pussy, telling me you are going to make me suck it after it has gone as far inside you as you can get it. You then do the same to your ass but only going a little way inside.
You get on your hands and knees and again make me lick that ass demanding my tongue goes inside you.
You then tell me the time has come for your real fun to start and my ultimate test.
You make me sit with my face a very close to your pussy. You have towels under you and on the floor. You use your fingers to slightly open yourself up, enough to make me see exactly where the pee comes from as you let a few drops out. You stop and demand I lick you clean. You do this several time disciplining me if I won?t conform.
You then hold my head close to you. You demand I open my mouth demanding ?don?t you dare fucking pull away? ?keep your fucking mouth open? etc.  You hold my head so you stop me pulling away. You then pee into my mouth, stopping after a few drops and making me lick you clean again.
You then demand I place my mouth completely over your pussy ? You stroke my head telling me ?I?m a good boy? as long as I don?t pull away. You then let little drops directly into my mouth demanding I drink it. You repeat this several times.
You are not happy I am drinking you so you tell me you have an idea where you can ensure I drink it. You discipline me until I agree to lay on my back on the floor on your towels. You then squat over me so you are a few inches from my mouth. You place a finger each side of your pussy opening your lips slightly so you can aim better and so you can watch closely. You then make me beg for you to pee in my mouth. You make me agree to drink it. You make me do this by threatening to mark me perhaps threatening to use your thumb and finger on my neck to mimic a love bite?
When you are ready you demand I open my mouth and then just let little drops into it (not lots) and then ensure I swallow them. You do this several times and then rub yourself over my mouth(ensuring I can breathe ok ? not into suffocation) as you finish off peeing just letting it run over my mouth and lips until you are finished.
You then release me we shower and return to the bedroom where you let me play with you relieve me no longer being dom.
I know I have gone on a bit but it is so important that you know what I want to happen as once it starts I will have no say.
I don?t know if you would enjoy doing this or not. If not please say as it is important to me that you genuinely find this exciting and actually get some fun out to it.
Many thanks Paul xxx.

What has happened to the normal men who just came over for a bit of rumpy pumpy? Now you have to put up with a reading a novel before you can get down to business. 

I had him contact me ages ago LL,  he also wanted me to write him a scenario similiar to the ones he sent me from Literotica...Ah will ya feck off lol, I have a life to lead, go write your own porn

CW

ROFL.  I didnt even get that far CW.

I dont beg clients under ANY circumstances and nor do I offer discounts, so he can wank away to the tune of "kiss my fat ass"dickhead if he was hoping for that, nor would I let some punter who has to pay ME to fuck him, upset me....

Oh dear , this sounds as if you think i meant you did!? !!  Sorry if it seemed that way as I deffo didnt mean that !

What i meant is he sounds like one of these pricks who wants either a discount/special treatment after 1 booking , or they want you to beg/work for the booking , there seems to be a lot of those around lately and i wont entertain them.

Had one just today on the phone . Makes bookign then goes into haggler mode  " what are you gonna offer me to sweeten the deal , because i was thinking of booking  "A.N.Other WG" instead " ........  I told him to piss off and ring her then , laughing to myself as the girl in question is my duo partner and i know he woudl have NO chance of a discount or "please book me " games off her either .

Iknwo thats nto good customer service but ive just no patience for wankers anymore so rude and arrogant callers get a rude response. I save the "Nice Me" and good customer service for the decent callers who derserve mutual respect 

Back to my bug bear.

"Are you available today pls"

Yes, please ring to arrange a booking x

 - "ok. Will ring in a bit"



That was then end of my pandering.  5 mins later.....



- "Where are you"

- "how much do you charge"

- What is specialty"

_Can you wear stockings"

- " I am not a timewaster!


Oh yes I think you are!!!!!!! now known as TW I am not a TW.  Started texting again yesterday...... yawn

Oh my days things seem to get even more ridiculous by the day...

I just had a booking inquiring about the service who sounded a complete nob head. Then he asked me about squirting. I replied yes then he said are you bi hmm... Why are you asking me that. He answered that he has a very sexy friend who squirts. Crikey.... What the heck a complete time waster. It became apparent this conversation wasn't going any where, after he told me it depends on the price. Then jumping in wanting 15 minutes time.