I'm the worse person to give advise, I trained as a counsellor which basically was to listen to people, encourage them to talk and allow them to find the answer their self.

I often have b/f trouble and deep down (although i tell him its the other way round) i would pick the job over him because I love to be able to enjoy my life more, meals out, holidays and not so many money worries! 

I know my bf doesn't like what I do but he knows he can't stop me, we just don't talk about what goes on. 

He smokes ?160 of dope a week and therefore can't support you ? 

Hmmm, I have to be honest; this guy sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it. He'd like the
income but without having to deal with the issues he has around his "china doll."

It strikes me that apart from the selfishness of smoking that amount a week, it is a well known fact that
long term heavy abuse of weed can and does lead to paranoia, in particular I'm picking up on your use
of the term "increasingly".

I agree with Violette, I know you have been in a relationship for seven years, but you really need to take
a step back and ask yourself what you are gaining from the relationship, because to be honest I can see it
getting a hell of a lot worse before it gets better.

The best of luck whatever you decide. xx

Mmmmh, somehow I don?t think that this lady will head any advice of her boyfriend if she has been with him 7 years and has not kicked him out yet.  But still here is my take ? get rid of the dead wood in your life.  And take one long hard look at him ? he certainly does not love you enough to deal with the vicious cycle of drugs, mental health and actually doing something with his life.  My jaw dropped to the floor when I read that he spends ?160 a week on dope.  I don?t smoke myself but am aware of average prices and this is a hell of a lot of dope!  This means non ?stop smoking which actually may be the root of his mental health issues!  I am no anti drug moralist but there is a well documented and established connection between especially dope and paranoia etc.  Also even mental issues aside, smoking such a high volume of dope means he is unlikely to do anything much except doss around.  Why would anyone spend time with such a self centred loser??  The problem is not your escorting but a dead beat waste of space of a partner!  How on earth can he afford to spend as much on gear?  Or does he deal or even worth are you paying for it?  Plus who except the state and all of us pays for the kids?  And as others have mentioned the paranoia about your safety is down to the gear.  There is a possible solution so ? if he did genuinely care he would stop spending so much on himself and getting stoned and actually put the money towards the household kitty and did something constructive.  No???!  Thought not!     

becoming increasingly possessive, "I don't like the idea of sharing you", "What if you get raped and get a disease and give it to me

He suffers depression, has done since 1999 and takes a lot of meds. He's on Income Support and DLA, smokes ?160 of dope a week and has 3 kids by his ex-wife to support so he can't really support me in the style to which I want to become accustomed.


He calls me his "little china doll" and he's increasingly fixated on this idea that I'm going to get raped or killed

.........


 I don't want to lose him

 
Hello, Sorry Lila but may I ask... why??  

My 2 cents worth is give it a couple of weeks for him to mess up again. But be aware that this is time  spent gathering your thoughts. Its not easy leaving a long term relationship. I recomended staying at friends or family to give yourself time  to get your head straight. If its his place start looking into the logistics of leaving. I hope all goes well for you.

DUMP the leech! Plain and simple. All these sweet words and encouragement are all nice and well, but the bottom line is do you want to leave or not! If you want to leave, then go cold turkey, change number, change locks, or move and have no contact with him, hard but in the long run it will be worth it. I will just bet, if you manage to have a wee chat with the ex, you might hear some interesting things from her. These guys all operate the same. Guilt you into feeling sorry for them and neglecting to care for your own needs. He is a grown ass man, if he chooses to behave like a looser then it is his choice, but you don't need to enable him, and undermine  your own well being.
And if you are staying for the sex, whatever is left when he is stoned and on meds. Then there is more and better waiting or you. Girl RUN!!! 7 years is too long to waste with some deadbeat.
Rant over.

Quote from: cindy on 19 September 2009, 11:32:52 am

My 2 cents worth is give it a couple of weeks for him to mess up again.

See, this is exactly what I expect to happen. He says he's going to pay off the dealer the almost ?500 he owes him, but unless he robs a bank I don't see how he can. It's just not practical and I'm just trying to be practical. We're in the middle of the worst recession in the UK in I can't remember how long, there are predicted to be 3 million unemployed by Xmas. How's he going to buy the kids the presents he's already promised - ?300 cash to the eldest, a laptop to the middle one and a flatscreen TV for the littlest?

The economics don't add up. He gets ?230 three weeks of the month. Here's where it goes:

?160 - dope dealer (?100 for 1oz dope, ?60 arrears)
?30   - ?10 to each kid
?40   - ?40 taxi fares to see his brother and buy drink so he can have a hangover for 2 days
-------
?230

So how is he going to pay off the dealer AND give me ?100 a week AND take me out at least once a week? And even if he does pay off the debt to the dealer he'll just start getting it on tick again and end up in debt all over again. My Mum's bailed him out soooo many times I just don't believe a word of it anymore.

He wants me to stop and take off all my details. I haven't - I said once I see that he's changed and stopped squandering money and started keeping his promises to me then I'll stop.

He'd have a fit if he knew I was posting this - paranoia again, talking about him behind his back etc, but I can't talk to anyone else, you guys actually understand cos you've been in similar situations and are non-judgemental.

I think you've just answered your own question there. 

He's not going to change, you know that. Do you really want to be in the same place 12 months from now ?

If he was working his backside off to put food on the table I would enter into a conversation with him about
the possibility of stopping work, but he's pissing it all up against a wall. Therefore, he has absolutely no
right to tell you what you can and can't do.

Sorry to be so harsh but he needs to be kicked out.

xxx