I came close to supporting my X's cocaine/cigarette habit. The occasional 40 bucks here and there, its a trap. I have gotten to the point where my motto is: If you like drugs, better be able to support your habit. If you like to smoke: better be able to support your habit. Don't expect someone else (me) to do so.

Thank you everyone for all your input, time and support, it's really helped me feel stronger.

What JoeyR says is very appropriate, I don't know how many times he's "borrowed" ?10, ?20, ?30 off me, "just  til next week." I have finally wised up to the fact that next week NEVER comes. I never get the loan back and he must owe me more than he owes his dealer by now!! 

I stood up to him for the first time this week. I had ?750 in cash and he wanted ?500 to pay off his dealer so, and I quote, "we can be debt free". We? "What's with the we" I thought, I didn't rack up the bill so why should I pay it? So I said no. And he looked at me like I'd grown another head 

I explained that I'd bailed him out before and the debt just always gets racked up again within a matter of months so as far as I could see it was a waste of good money. Felt like saying I might as well burn the money but I couldn't be bothered.

Needless to say he was not a happy bunny. Sulked for a few days but he's over it now, says he'll pay this guy off himself and then start giving me ?100 a week for the 3 weeks of the month he gets his benefits (2 x Income Support including Severe Disability Premium = ?230 x 2 plus one week DLA @ ?250 cos the psychiatrist says he can't work), give his kids ?10 each, save ?50 and spend ?50 on his dope.

Now is it just me, or does anyone else see the flaw here? The week he doesn't get paid he'll buy dope on tick, thus building up a bill again of ?100/month to start with and as he always gets ?100 (an oz) not ?50 worth of the stuff he'll be getting THAT on tick too = anothet ?50 x 3 wks/month. Add it all up it comes to an overspend of ?200/month, meaning he has to give the dealer ?150 a week not ?50, just to cover the debt.

And where's the extra ?100 going to come from? Hmm, could it be the ?100 he's promised (ha ha) me? I think he thinks I came up the river in a bubble.

Well I just don't believe it anymore. He's on his last chance and when he screws this one up he'll end up in hospital cos he can't take care of himself. I'm sick of being an unpaid nanny/piggy bank. Once he winds up in hospital I'm gonna take the cats and move to a new flat, change my fone number and disappear off the face of the planet as far as he's concerned. No contact = no emotional blackmail.

As it happens, he's been really nice to me since he stopped sulking. Bought a necklace for me as a surprise and a 'Cherished Thoughts' poem on a little plastic card - "To the Woman I Love". Wonder why?

It's been good to read the experiences you've shared with me - makes me feel less alone and less like it's me who's the one with the problem. Some of the posts have been blunt but I like that, I'd rather know what someone really thinks than have them tell me what they think I want to hear, cos that's not going to help me at all.

Thanks again all

Love

Lila
xoxo   

Amazing innit! How he's expressed unhappiness with your job and wants you to stop, but is happy to take your money.

Hiya babe

I wud just like to say I think you're very brave coming on this forum & airing your life like that. I agree with everything everyone else as said. I left a relationship & moved into a house with a bean bag, a bed & a cooker! I'm a lot happier now, I earn my own money, have a lovely boyfriend, an ex-punter, who at first liked all the excitement of my job & wanted to know all the details & got very excited at it too. He takes me out all the time, pays for all the holidays - 4 in the last 14 months, I never have to pay for a thing. But alas 18 months down the line he's finding it very hard to cope with!!! Watch this space.

xx

Here here Amy. I think we all like to think of ourselves as having successful lives & when there's a blip of some sort , like the perfect guy not being the perfect guy, then it's really hard to admit it to people. But if they truly love us they accept that we aren't perfect.

xx