Tell me, son, says my dad, what are the first few words in the Bible? I don’t know, Dad, I say, what are the first few words in the Bible? And he looks at me, he looks me in the eye and he says: Son, the first few words in the Bible are… get the money first. Get. The Money. First. From Shopping and Fucking by Mark Ravenhill
Throughout the years I’ve heard some woeful tales of ladies who feel uncomfortable about taking their fee upfront, thus leading to clients either shortchanging them, or worse still, leave without paying them.
If you look around the various warnings forums you’ll see more than one tale of this happening to various escorts. There are a few reasons for this. One is that escorts still feel a little uncomfortable at having to ask for their money upfront and so either waits for the client to cough up the money or leaves it to the end. Another one is that when a client becomes somewhat of a regular, a modicum of trust is instilled therefore a lady can become a little lax in asking for the money before the booking takes place, and sometimes, to their detriment, clients take advantage of their trust and run away without paying.
Luckily I have no such guilty feelings in either being paid upfront or ’not trusting’ a regular client. It may sound cold and calculated, but then I haven’t been either ripped off or short-changed in five years. I understand that we’re not all of the same personality and I can empathise with a lady’s reluctance to ask for their money. There are a couple of things you can say which would make light of the situation:
The best time to ask for the money is within ten minutes of the appointment starting. If by then the client hasn’t handed it over to you, you can say, “shall we get the business out of the way before we get down to the pleasure?” Or “how about we get the paperwork out of the way first, then we can get down to the gruntwork, geddit?” Then you can give it the nudge, nudge, wink, wink motion with your elbow and eye, or maybe just one of the motions if you’re afraid of overkill! It usually lightens the mood for me, especially if the customer is both new and nervous.
Some gentlemen do genuinely forget, either out of nervousness, or they’re just plain horny and can’t wait to jump your bones. Some gentlemen are all over you like bees to honey as soon as they walk in the door. So I need to make sure and remember that they’re not all be tarred with the same brush. But I’m afraid there are some men out there calculated enough to try and swindle a free service out of you. Some will turn up with not enough money, protesting their innocence at not realising how much your services cost. Some will say that they didn’t pass an ATM on the way and can they get their service and they’ll promise to find a machine when you’re done. Yeah, right! Or this classic, ‘dammit, I’ve left the money in the car, I’ll just pop down and get it’. Next thing you know you hear the ignition starting, the screeching of tyres and the smell of burning rubber as the client drives off laughing with glee having just had you over.
Another thing that some ladies don’t like to do is to count the money in front of the client when it is handed over to them. They find it embarrassing. Again, I have no trouble in that department. I don’t lose sight of the fact that it’s a paid for transaction - it’s business! The way I see it, it protects both the escort and the client when you keep that frame of mind.
What do you think would happen if you were to take the money into another room to double-check it, and it’s short a tenner or twenty? If you go back into the bedroom and say you were short-changed, the client might think that you’re trying to pull a fast one, that you’ve stashed away some money and come back into the room asking for more. He could swear blind that he counted it before handing it over to you. It then becomes his word against yours which can then make for a very awkward situation.
There are also those customers that do believe you who feel absolutely mortified that they might have short-changed you with no intention to. They become so embarrassed they don’t come to see you again. I would rather endure the awkwardness of counting the fee in front of the customer for those few short moments. That way no misunderstandings can occur. Because believe me they can and have happened. To myself and other escorts. My advice to you would to not only get your fee upfront, but also count it to make sure it’s all there.
When all the money pleasantries are over, I then excuse myself and go and find a spot to put it away. I make sure the customer never sees where I put the money, and if I think they may have done, I’ll take advantage of his post-coital (or whatever the terminology is for a guy) state and pop out to move the money elsewhere. It may sound anally-retentive and just a little bit over the top I know, but it has been known to happen that a customer will watch where you to see where you put your fee, excuse himself to go to the toilet, then steal the money back, leaving you none the wiser until he’s gone and you go to retrieve it.
You will also get the rather naughty customers who will pay you with the odd fake note. Unintentionally or otherwise. Thank goodness it doesn’t happen that often. But often enough to warrant a mention. Feel the notes to make sure they have the same texture. Some are made on paper that feels nothing like an authentic note. If in doubt hold the notes up to the light to make sure the Queen’s watermark is present. And double check the silver strip is running through them. ‘Fake note detector’ pens have become less useful with the advent of plastic notes - they tried to make a mark on certain sorts of paper.
I’m afraid I have one more no-no, and that is the acceptance of cheques. To those ladies that have been doing this for a while, this may seem like redundant advice, but there are some conmen out there that will deliberately seek out new and naive ladies who they will then try to persuade into accepting cheques. They will probably say things like they’ve seen other escorts that have accepted cheques with no problem. Personally I would take that with a pinch of salt. Even if the cheque was accompanied by a cheque guarantee card, I wouldn’t take it. The client could then pop along to his bank and ask them to stop payment on it. He would have to pay a nominal fee for doing so, but nothing compared to paying for a 3 or 4 hour booking, or even an overnight. Can you imagine doing an overnight booking and not being paid for it?? It doesn’t bear thinking about does it?
More comments on this subject including your legal options if you do take a cheque which subsequently bounces can be found on our forum here.