SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: AmyS on 02 May 2019, 10:15:35 am
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Hi,
I am very new to escorting but have had a few clients (I am a Transgender escort), the thing is I find it easier to do incalls at my house because I do not get anyone interested in outcalls. I have an 18year old son who is home a lot and when I can do incalls to be honest I don't want him in the house when I have clients (neither do the clients lol).
At the moment I make all sorts of excuses for my son to go out so I can have a client around but its quite tricky and costing me clients, I am now thinking of telling my son what I do so he can understand why I want him to be out of the house when I have men around. He is pretty easy going and I think he will be ok with it although I will find it pretty tricky telling him telling him I am an Escort.
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Depending on how often it is, you could start off by saying it's a date and not mentioning the money side. He's unlikely to want to hear you having sex either way.
Unless money is known to be a big issue in the house and the question of 'where's this come from' may come up, offering him something to disappear off to the cinema / pub / wherever is also likely to make it easier.
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I would prefer my son to never know I am an escort. I cannot imagine it would help them to know that in any shape or form.
I hear a few of us have found our children have no problem with it but in my experience those are rare. Most would vehemently protest and it may damage the relationship. Not worth risking losing the happy link with our sprogs if you ask me.
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Have you always advertised incalls alongside outcalls?
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If my mother told me she was an escort, I would support her of course - but that is probably because this is my job and I probably have a different view on it compared to someone not in this industry.
My mother is very liberal, but she would be so worried about the dangerous side to our job - this is the main reason I could never tell her.
If you think your son would be laid back and accepting of your choices, then maybe you could tell him. What about feeling it out and bringing up a conversation about sex work and see what his opinions are on it. Maybe that would give you more of an indication of how he would react if you told him.
I couldn’t ever imagine judging someone on their life choices - never mind judging my mother. But not everyone may be so accepting.
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Have you always advertised incalls alongside outcalls?
Yes and I get a lot more interest for incalls at my place, rather than outcalls. I guess lots of clients are not single and do not want to pay hotel fee's plus my extra charge for outcalls.
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Yes and I get a lot more interest for incalls at my place, rather than outcalls. I guess lots of clients are not single and do not want to pay hotel fee's plus my extra charge for outcalls.
I hardly get any outcall requests now because I won't do residential meets, only hotels. All the guys I've seen in the last 12 months for an outcall have been away on business. I did one residential to a guy I used to see regularly and is absolutely lovely.
My son knows, he found out when he was 21 or 22. I stupidly left my AW profile up on our shared PC. ::) It was horrible at the time but he has come to terms with it now. His main concern is what if one of his mates turns up? So we agreed I would not work closer than an hour to home.
His main concern apart from that was:
The risk of being attacked - what helped with that was going through my security process with him
Getting a punter addressing me in the street/shops - we resolved that through only working an hour away. If I've been greeted in the street by an ex colleague, I always say to him "Bob and I worked together at CoprShithole. Wow that must be 15 years ago now!"
He has met my hooker BFF and he really likes her
He had mass media crap in his mind thinking I was doing car meets and £10 BJs.
When he lived away from home he ran with some pretty dodgy guys who were always messaging very cheap ladies and expecting them to do £200 for an overnight, oh and she'll be servicing 3 guys
All those lovely sterotypes we have to face ::)
Anyway we're two years on now and he's supportive, but I have to be very careful about telling him any situation where I felt at risk, as it sends his anxiety into the stratosphere.
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Knowing trans ladies do often fund operations by escorting, as far as I am aware, wouldn't your son already know?
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If you stopped offering incalls I think you would find yourself suddenly getting a lot more outcall requests because people have no choice really if they wanted to see you.
I used to only offer outcalls and I used to get a good amount of them. I never used to list my number and one day I put it up and had 3 outcalls in one night. As soon as I offered regular incalls, it would be a rarity to get outcall requests.
Would hotels not be an option for you? I do agree with a previous poster that it’s not worth potentially damaging your relationship with your son. Even with a friend for example, these things can go one way or another and even if they are ok with it, it can still take time for it to sink in which can be hard.
My best friend accepts what I do as if it’s a totally ‘normal’ job, but when I first told her, she was shocked and it took a few days for it to sink in and her get her head around around it which was hard but it’s all good now. You may have a similar situation with your son. She did tell me recently how much she used to worry when I was working though just generally for my overall safety
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If you stopped offering incalls I think you would find yourself suddenly getting a lot more outcall requests because people have no choice really if they wanted to see you.
I used to only offer outcalls and I used to get a good amount of them. I never used to list my number and one day I put it up and had 3 outcalls in one night. As soon as I offered regular incalls, it would be a rarity to get outcall requests.
Would hotels not be an option for you? I do agree with a previous poster that it’s not worth potentially damaging your relationship with your son. Even with a friend for example, these things can go one way or another and even if they are ok with it, it can still take time for it to sink in which can be hard.
My best friend accepts what I do as if it’s a totally ‘normal’ job, but when I first told her, she was shocked and it took a few days for it to sink in and her get her head around around it which was hard but it’s all good now. You may have a similar situation with your son. She did tell me recently how much she used to worry when I was working though just generally for my overall safety
This is my experience too, until I stopped advertising incalls I hardly ever got out calls. It was only going more or less totally outcall, no mention of incalls apart from one off very 'quietly' advertised Hotel incall days that I started to build a good outcall business which now rivals my previous incall base income.
When I reintroduced the option of some limited number calls, they were mostly but not always snapped up very quickly.
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If theres the option to offer incalls at a hotel or even renting a room daily that might be the best option. Id be very wary of using an incall location thats a shared home. You leave their home open to being discussed on review sites,possiblity of punters just turning up and theives.
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Thankyou for your replies :)
Now for an update,
The time was right and I told my son all about everything last night, he now fully knows what I am doing and just said as long as I am as careful as I can be he is fine with it. This is fantastic as now I can do it more often, he said that he is happy to go out and just come back when I phone or message him.
I am actually really happy right now ;D
The idea of eventually moving to outcalls and hotels is very appealing although at the moment I have a full time job so I have to manage bookings carefully at the moment, I am looking at going self employed in the very near future (as a mobile mechanic, lol) and this will make taking bookings as an escort a lot easier too. Plus I will be able to do everything totally legit.
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What can be gained by telling our children even if they are of an adult age? Surely it will only damage their minds.
Unless they are extra open minded by nature of course.
Although I have heard both good and bad outcomes on this one.
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Some people don't like keeping secrets, some people want their nearest & dearest to know so that they can act appropriately in the event of a problem, some...
It's their choice.
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Some people don't like keeping secrets, some people want their nearest & dearest to know so that they can act appropriately in the event of a problem, some...
It's their choice.
Exactly! Everybody's situation is different and if children have been brought up by open minded parents then they are much more likely to be too.
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Some people don't like keeping secrets, some people want their nearest & dearest to know so that they can act appropriately in the event of a problem, some...
It's their choice.
Yes! My children knew and are entirely supportive and grateful as I am a single parent putting them through university. Both are extremely talented and well adjusted.
It's only a job! I knew someone who used masturbate goats, another electrocuted ducklings. Both of these are worse IMO. Imagine being a vivisectionist!!
My relationship with my family is fantastic. Everyone's life is different. I hate secrets.
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I think each person will have a different out look and experience from this. If you have a understanding family and open minded it can work but if not it can be a horrible nightmare something you cannot take back once said.
I think it is great for the ones with understanding grown up children that you do not need to lie to and accept it is just a job.
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What can be gained by telling our children even if they are of an adult age? Surely it will only damage their minds.
Unless they are extra open minded by nature of course.
Although I have heard both good and bad outcomes on this one.
I think some would probably already know if there grown up kids could accept it and handle it. You are right i have heard bad and good outcomes from this. One bad outcome the son could not handle it was disgusted felt sick and got mentally ill over it and there relationship was never the same again.
I think the parent would need to judge it for themselves whether there children would be understanding only they would no what is the best thing to do.
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I have 4 kids...3 of whom are adults and the youngest is 14 and lives with me. My oldest daughter is 25. She asked me about 5 years ago why I’m suddenly better off than I used to be. I didn’t want to lie to her and just told her the truth . She knew I used to go to swinging clubs and didn’t mind that so I thought I’d chance it and just tell her. She was surprised but not disgusted lol...we just don’t talk about it at all. When she comes to visit me from Uni I have to chuck her out occasionally for half hour or so and tell her the dogs could do with a walk.....!! I hope my youngest daughter and my 2 sons never find out about my job but if they do i’ll Just deal with it when the time comes.
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As my son got older, if I hadn't told him I would guilty as fuck lying to him all the time. Making up reasons why I couldn't answer the phone, or what project I was working on, etc. He would also have come to realise that's it's really not usual to go out at 9am and come back at 7pm with £600 in cash.
If he'd found out 10 years down the line that I'd been lying to him for the last 15 years, I think he would have felt very very betrayed. Honesty has always been an important component of our relationship. (He has some long term MH issues with being abandoned by his birth mum, and his birth dad was a pathological liar.)
OP I'm glad it went well. Your son may need reassurance in the future. I'd would suggest you don't ever say anything graphic or ever talk about the negative side of things. I talk about sex work politics with my son a lot. I also tell him about rewarding bookings (about the emotional side, not the sex side!), like disabled clients, widowers, guys who have just been through a really hard time and wanted to talk, etc. I also talk to him about visiting new cities and seeing lovely architecture, going to art galleries, etc.
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As my son got older, if I hadn't told him I would guilty as fuck lying to him all the time. Making up reasons why I couldn't answer the phone, or what project I was working on, etc. He would also have come to realise that's it's really not usual to go out at 9am and come back at 7pm with £600 in cash.
If he'd found out 10 years down the line that I'd been lying to him for the last 15 years, I think he would have felt very very betrayed. Honesty has always been an important component of our relationship. (He has some long term MH issues with being abandoned by his birth mum, and his birth dad was a pathological liar.)
OP I'm glad it went well. Your son may need reassurance in the future. I'd would suggest you don't ever say anything graphic or ever talk about the negative side of things. I talk about sex work politics with my son a lot. I also tell him about rewarding bookings (about the emotional side, not the sex side!), like disabled clients, widowers, guys who have just been through a really hard time and wanted to talk, etc. I also talk to him about visiting new cities and seeing lovely architecture, going to art galleries, etc.
I can see this and you are right if you spoke to him about the amount of weirdos there are out there or all the horrible reports in the warning sections or how many women get hurt robbed or raped i think your son would be a bag of nerves and would worry everytime you left the house and that could put pressure on you having to quit for his sanity.