Sorry to hear that...but what a mess you got involved in! I don't want to be judgemenatl but you should have cut him loose the moment you found out he "killed his wife" (metaphorically speaking). The guy is unbalanced & completely confussed. What a "jewel"! He's a total nutcase, and besides crazyness and stress it doesn't sound like he's bringing you anything positive to your life. You need to get rid of him. Fast. He's sucking all your energy and bringing nothing to the table. My advise: Cut all ties with this looser. Do not answer to any of his calls/messages. Change your phone number, your website and your pictures. If moving is not a possibility then don't move. A short message in the lines of "I do not wish you to contact me again. Any interaction with me will result in a restraining order. Good bye" If he does it again go and file a restriction order. End of. You don't deserve a crazy lying psycho in your life. And do not even think about writing a letter to wifey and telling her everything (in retaliation. I know it's tempting) because the drama will spiral even more. Just cut him loose. Good bye, adios. Hello sanity. Welcome back!

Just the fact that he lied about his wife dying would have made me run in the opposite direction.

Sorry, that's NO help for you right now

I thought I would copy and paste. mwah

Portia Nelson quotes (showing 1-3 of 3)
"I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street."
? Portia Nelson (There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery)

Thanks for sharing that poem. It sounds very like me! I'm going to print it out and put on my bedroom wall!

If he really loved you he wouldn't care about losing everything.

Sorry coty but  strongly disagree with this   

For a man his wealth is the "structure" of his life (specially for a wealthy one) . Men are educated into being "providers" and their wealth is very strongly linked to their male identity. or their  "value" as a man in society. There's no way a wealthy (married) guy is going to  run away with a WG and "loose everything". This just.... doesn't happen in real life. Men fear divorce like cancer  (specially when there's kids involved), because of the financial breakdown that it means for them. They stay in boring or bad marriages because they'd rather deal with that than loose everything. They cheat, pay WG's, get into affairs etc... everything BUT get divorced. What I'm saying is that we don't know the "financial" specifics of this case (probably the OP doesn't know them either cause the guy is a fucking liar), but mayb this guy as much as he's tired of wifey and sleeping around  he can he can't afford too loose his economic status with a divorce. Maybe she's the rich one, maybe she has the assets under her name, maybe she's threaten him with "outing him" to the family and milking him financial wise if he divorces her. God knows. Sounds to me like this guy wanted a mistress (not another wife) and instead of being honest about it lied his way out with sweet promises of love. He's not the first and won't be the last man to do this.

In any case he's a dirt bag (definately not relationship material) and sounds like the wife has a hard grip on his balls (as much as he doesn't want to admit it).

Well, if nothing else, you've got the basis of a film script there. I wonder who else he's been proclaiming undying love to?

As has been said, it looks like you already know what you need to do, but don't beat your self up too much about this. You're not the first woman to be lied to - even just by him - and you will not be the last.

Men are educated into being "providers" and their wealth is very strongly linked to their male identity. or their "value" as a man in society.

While I'll happily agree with your last sentence, I think this one is a bit of an over-generalisation

I get the impression that he doesn't see what he's doing as wrong. Bits of it maybe, but not the whole stupid picture.

Yep, it's 'man behaving like a toddler' time... and it's not your toddler.

Well maybe I'm a stupid old romantic...but I think if it was real love (which I don't for one second think it is on either side to be honest) there would be ways to work around it. He won't lose his job because he gets a divorce. It might mean he'd lose a lot of money,respect and family and friends and maybe not see his son much, but it's doable.

but this isn't going to happen so she's best ignoring and getting a restraining order if he continues to persist.