SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: Londonergirl on 22 July 2014, 12:14:00 am
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Hey everyone,
Its been a while since I last visited the forum. I would like some advice as I feel stuck in this job lately.
I feel that I lost any motivation to do normal job again and I feel frustrated at myself because of this. I also feel I am fed up with this job but when I think about the freedom it gives and the money I just don't want to work anything else. My eyes start yo-yoing when I think that I will earn the same money in 3-4 days with normal job, and with this job its 1hour.
What to do?
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You could always 'reinvent' yourself to spice things up a bit if you're feeling a bit 'meh' about it but don't want to quit. When i took a couple of months out of escorting and came back i loved being the new girl again and taking on a new persona. You tend to get an influx of attention too which is always a bonus.
You could always dip your toes into a different kind of escorting, for example if you are GFE you could try your hand at domme services. You don't need a dungeon and I know dommes are really popular where i am.
Webcamming is also motivational when you see the amount of credits you earn on AW in a short period of time. I got 70 credits for tapping away at my keyboard for just half an hour, doing that between appointments could be really lucrative :)
I also feel I am fed up with this job but when I think about the freedom it gives and the money I just don't want to work anything else. My eyes start yo-yoing when I think that I will earn the same money in 3-4 days with normal job, and with this job its 1hour.
I definitely know what you mean. There's been a few occasions where i've felt like hanging up my stockings but the money has always persuaded me not to :P
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BBW why don't you sign up for an evening course/college course in something you're interested in? If you enjoy learning and start to formulate an emergency escape plan you won't feel so stuck, whether or not you choose to take it. I think in always suffer emotionally when I feel my whole life is work!
I've been considering domme-ing and looking at courses (can you tell I'm a geek) but humiliating men realllly turns me on. I think a small part of me would feel guilty taking money from it, and some of it looks like a lot of responsibility!
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Thank you for your replies.
Def I need to think a lot more it seems :/
TheChemist I am in uni going final year. Problem is I don't feel like I will work in my chosen field in the future :(
Or I am just depressed don't know. Might be looking for counseling soon.
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Sorry you're having a rough time. Check out to see if your Uni offers a free counselling service. Mine did and it was fantastic (and much quicker than going through my GP) x
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went to uni counseling already where I was told I am OK and actually the person did not understand why I came in the first place :/
i am thinking private counseling now.
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went to uni counseling already where I was told I am OK and actually the person did not understand why I came in the first place :/
i am thinking private counseling now.
I went to mine too at one point and they were naff. And my uni is absolutely rolling in cash - really sucks!
Different things work for different people but I find hobbies (for me running, cycling and cooking) help give me a zest for life. And then I remember that this job (when I'm not in uni!) is what gives me time to pursue them. Otherwise I have a tendency to live to work rather than work to live.
Good luck BBW!
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Not sure where to put this but:
Watch some motivationals on youtube, some are better than others, I like the dude: Eric Thomas. Omg so glad I came across it lol. You know the kind, happy black dudes shotuing positive messages. Hell it's gotten me through the looooonnngg work days. I set a high goal this month so it's been a toughey, I just listen to it while I'm doing my makeup. I'll be like hmm I duno, I'm not working today to OH HELL YEA IM SO UP FOR MY CLIENT RIGHT NOW YEAA BRING IT ON, I CAN EVEN HANDLE THE ASS HOLES. Knocks burn out right out the court if you listen to enough of them.
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I book a deep tissue massage when I need to help relax/switch off etc.
I also listen to music and/or play the piano and watch some tv/films - very therapeutic for switching off is a film!!
Feeling demotivated is quite usual in any job and you are right to keep in this field given that we have more money and more time for ourselves and for our hobbies/interests etc.
I find if I don't write down on my list to relax each day and/or pursue one of my hobbies (also yoga classes) then they don't get done. That way it prevents build up of stress better. Even one hour of pure me time daily relax can help.
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I join a short course gives me a breather new mates,
new focus etc...musical theatre at the mo.
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Before escorting I had an elaborate life plan of what I would do with the income (graduate school, career, hobbies, finding friends, relationship etc). Now after a few years, I've become more and more lazy. I can't seem to find motivation to study, and couldn't care less about the vanilla day jobs I've tried for career experience. Research topics I used to love have lost their appeal.
I'm thinking maybe I have already made enough income to support myself and buy what I want (have a spending habit though - from boredom), and it's more than what I would make after graduate school, but I can't stay a WG forever.
My other sp friend has been in the same rut and when we are together all we do is eat and laze around/sleep, usually cancelling appointments and wasting time.
I feel I may be just uselessly whining but this has gone on for over a year now, and it's hard to talk about with civvy people. I travel a lot and finally understand the loneliness/boredom those travelling business men feel lol.
Has anyone else had these problems? How did you get motivated in life outside of sex work?
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I think it's because the money is so good that you get this kind of "oh I can't be bothered to work today, I can just work longer tomorrow" or you feel like you deserve extra days off because the job can be so tiring sometimes.
I like to set myself mini goals for income, with a specific purchase in mind. At the moment I'm throwing everything towards being able to replace my car. My current car is pretty poorly and not reliable so I can't go more than about an hour away from home, and my son lives 4 Hours away. At the moment I visit him one week of every month and have to hire a car every time, so it's costing me about ?100 extra. If I can replace my car I can immediately get rid of that cost. Also can buy something with phone Bluetooth in the car - if I'm in my own car I don't have this and miss arranging bookings while I'm driving.
Once I've got the car then my next goals are to pay off my credit card and personal loan, then start amassing savings so I can relocate closer to my son, with the idea being to rent a work flat separate from my home.
After that the eventual plan is to buy several houses and rent them out, giving me a long term income.
I find it really helps with motivation to have visual reminders of what I'm working towards. I've already decided what car I want to buy and I have a picture of it as my background on my laptop. I use right move every day browsing flats and houses where I want to move. It keeps me focussed on my plan.
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VC is right in having a goal and plan to reach it is the way to go. For that you need to have a Positive mental attitude. Work towards something mine is now the rewiring of my flat and the holiday I'm going to be taking whilst its being done, that's next year so I'll need about ?3,500 spare to do it. If you don't have something to work towards you will become lazy minded (cant be arsed) and lost (Why are I doing this}.
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Yup, that's the way forward. Make goals. Even if there's nothing particular you want right now. Just set yourself a weekly target. So at the end of the week, if you've worked hard and hit the target, you can either work and make extra or take the day off without feeling guilty. However, we do all get the odd day or week that we just can't be bothered to work. It's natural because this job can be very draining sometimes
Lola
Xx
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The answer to the question is quite simple if you have lost your motivation you can find it again by making goals of what you want out of life and set out a plan to work towards them. A new car, a house, a business, to retire etc
People who do not have plans IMO are flotsam and jetsam bobbing around on life's ocean doing nothing much with their life unless and until they pull their finger out, plot a course if where they want to go and start steering towards it, if you prefer to and 'take each day as it comes' you will 'float' through life losing your mojo along the way without gaining/achieving anything important because when opportunities are gone they are gone.
This is my experience and my opinion.
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Make sure you take a couple of days a week to just chill and not have to think about escorting at all. And then on the other 4 or 5 days try and see them as working days that require you to wake up at a reasonable hour and get ready for any bookings that might happen. It can be easy to think 'I'll just take today off as I'm not feeling like working' but as soon as your money starts to run out and your bills mount up then it can be overwhelming and very depressing trying to sort it out.
Getting ready for a booking can sometimes be the hardest part as it can be such an effort when you're tired or not feeling like working. So maybe get ready as soon as you wake up so you can then chill until a booking comes through. And at least you'll be ready for them and can just get the booking over and done with xx
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Make sure you take a couple of days a week to just chill and not have to think about escorting at all. And then on the other 4 or 5 days try and see them as working days that require you to wake up at a reasonable hour and get ready for any bookings that might happen. It can be easy to think 'I'll just take today off as I'm not feeling like working' but as soon as your money starts to run out and your bills mount up then it can be overwhelming and very depressing trying to sort it out.
Getting ready for a booking can sometimes be the hardest part as it can be such an effort when you're tired or not feeling like working. So maybe get ready as soon as you wake up so you can then chill until a booking comes through. And at least you'll be ready for them and can just get the booking over and done with xx
Really good advice , I often feel like this ( I start early) and often can't be bothered to get ready, if I go full on I can bath shave wash hair and put up do make up etc in exactly 30 mins as soon as it's done I'm n the zone ....but the ...mmm I'll just have another cup of tea before I hop in the bath syndrome does get me .
I'm going to try this especially as if I have a booking at 11 am I often wait and get ready for that when I get calls for 9 am etc that I decline , sometimes not all the time.
I often have the opportunity to make money earlier and if I'm ready it's fine , weird thing is I looked / dressed the same in my civvy job and was always ready and into work at 8 am , nails hair everything done !!!
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thanks everyone x
I do think I need some more serious and achievable short term goals than I currently have as I just keep putting everything off. I'm almost wondering if I should hide all my cash and savings somewhere difficult to get to and then I'll be more motivated to make money instead of staying in the mindset "oh, I'll just stay in my pjs all day and shop online"
setting earlier working hours is something too, I am terrible at that haha.
Part of it may be because I feel more isolated to civvy people, especially in new cities as if I can never really have a close relationship if I can't talk about what I do, or how I support myself...actually come to think of it, I've seen friends at most twice in the past year
SD is now my bff ::)
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In the uk we have savings accounts where you can't access your money immediately, you have to give 3 months notice or you forfeit your interest. Does the US have accounts like that ? If you move your money into savings then it's not there and staring you in the face going "SPEND ME" 😂
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Yep did it so thank you , up and working ( 9.30 booking) got a call at 9 for 9.30 :) ::)
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In the uk we have savings accounts where you can't access your money immediately, you have to give 3 months notice or you forfeit your interest. Does the US have accounts like that ? If you move your money into savings then it's not there and staring you in the face going "SPEND ME" 😂
I don't have a US account so not too sure, but I do have a savings that charges me if I withdraw, and I have to go to the branch to take it out. My problem is credit cards, which I always need on me for travelling. need to cut back on those.
I'm thinking I could just buy those prepaid visas so long as they work overseas...hopefully they do we will see x
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I'm thinking I could just buy those prepaid visas so long as they work overseas...hopefully they do we will see x
I have a WeSwap Mastercard which is usually in US dollars, but I can flip it easily to GBP or Euros and they have lots of other currencies available as well. The fees and rates are pretty reasonable and I've never had trouble using it anywhere :).
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yep as said already I find the only way to get my motivation going again is to take some time out on a regular basis
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I find quiet/dead periods to be incredibly demotivating. I lose my working rhythm and feel like I'm giving it away when just making small profit after hotel costs.
Hoping that working a new area will give me a new lease of life!
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Ive lost it just cant get my ass in gear, maybe sunbed shop will motivate me :FF
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Dear me instead of starting a new thread I thought to add.
Well I have had three days off and just can't get in the mood even with those phoning me for bookings. Not sure how to shake it off. Do any others get like this some times?. Any tips please.
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Dear me instead of starting a new thread I thought to add.
Well I have had three days off and just can't get in the mood even with those phoning me for bookings. Not sure how to shake it off. Do any others get like this some times?. Any tips please.
A change of location usually does it for me. Keeps me busy with no time to procrastinate ;)
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Dear me instead of starting a new thread I thought to add.
Well I have had three days off and just can't get in the mood even with those phoning me for bookings. Not sure how to shake it off. Do any others get like this some times?. Any tips please.
Hi Diversity, I'm probably a bad choice to take advice from just now, but what I would normally do is take time off, do things that I always enjoy and get inspired from, and then force myself to get back to work. I find that once I have taken the first step at work I start feeling a lot better.
Taking time off needs to be quality time rather than just time. Sometimes it also helps interacting with friends and helping. Not exactly sure why but it's easier to be objective with others, so it helps put your own problems into perspective when you get back to them.
It also helps to get back to work slowly by setting achievable targets. Like rather than arrange 4 or 5 bookings for your first day back, arrange only one with someone you enjoy spending time with. Then slowly increase the number.
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I prefer not to try to sound negative. I was away in civvie street most of the week. It's tiring but the stress level was ok. Dealing with men can be tiring and stressful. Book and cancel, for example, with bogus excuses, is also very unsettling. I struggle with regulars, who want their fixed idea met in the bedroom. If this went on over months, it's bound to take its tolls. Solution? Ditch those who started to annoy yo e.g. Demanding regulars. Do something else, do some civvie work to keep your sanity.
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I prefer not to try to sound negative. I was away in civvie street most of the week. It's tiring but the stress level was ok. Dealing with men can be tiring and stressful. Book and cancel, for example, with bogus excuses, is also very unsettling. I struggle with regulars, who want their fixed idea met in the bedroom. If this went on over months, it's bound to take its tolls. Solution? Ditch those who started to annoy yo e.g. Demanding regulars. Do something else, do some civvie work to keep your sanity.
I just came back onto this forum after months of civvie job. I work full time civvie and I dont like it any more, there is nothing new to learn in this particular role... civvie or not, a sales job is always stressful when its book and cancel, book and cancel :'( I feel like Im doing the same shit but its legal, has a much worse pay structure (fix salary) no commission or immediate compensation for more work and a cheap low quality but 'private' pension...
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There is great advice there thanks I started going to therapy again with the same guy before who treats me normal even though he knows I escort.
Change of location sounds a treat with moving. I do personal training it inspired me for a few weeks. It still does a little but that is more the fitness side. I start swimming lessons on Sunday try not to laugh lol. Yeah the last time was ages ago.
I am trying to do new things for change and I stopped bitting my nails. I will take on board your advices trying to implement gradually.
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I prefer not to try to sound negative. I was away in civvie street most of the week. It's tiring but the stress level was ok. Dealing with men can be tiring and stressful. Book and cancel, for example, with bogus excuses, is also very unsettling. I struggle with regulars, who want their fixed idea met in the bedroom. If this went on over months, it's bound to take its tolls. Solution? Ditch those who started to annoy yo e.g. Demanding regulars. Do something else, do some civvie work to keep your sanity.
Great advice I think I am needing to feel not pressured.
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Jus male sure u don't isolate yourself and keep a healthy social life with your friends to keep your sanity x