Hello everyone - and thank you for your support and advice.
I can deal with the arseholes that ask me if I can handle their 10" cocks or want to know what I'm wearing.
It's the ones that seem serious, arrange a time and date, accept I won't discuss details, etc. then cancel later or just won't confirm and try to keep me talking.
I can't help it, but everytime it seems as if I'm getting a booking my spirits lift and I get hopeful, only to be kicked in the teeth and it's that sort of emotional rollercoaster that is wearing me down.
There are a number of other things going on in my life I won't bore anyone with, which all have that same pattern of hurrah - I'm getting somewhere and then crash around my ears.
I was going to argue and say that the stress of going back to a regular job, especially in my field of experience, is the last thing I need right now, but thinking about it, the normality and routine of a regular job is probably what I need, considering everything else in my life is up in the air.
I wouldn't be able to go back to my career without commiting full time, but I don't actually mind doing anytype of work and have worked in factories, pubs, as homecarer and cleaner, etc.
Thanks again for sound advice - and after night of wallowing in self-pity and indulging in being pathetic - I'm back and I'm going to crack this!