SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: Lauren Kay on 27 December 2011, 12:06:29 pm
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I'm the sort of escort who feels irritated when she hears the words "services" or "working". The implied sexual self-entitlement and taking for granted in these words creeps me out and I often simply hang up the phone if I hear such words. Opening lines such as "Are you working today?" or "What services do you offer?" are total mood killers for me.
But since I seem to be getting a lot of this sort of callers lately I have started to self-doubt, hence why I am opening this tread. Do you think I am unreasonable?
Many of these sort of callers are timewasters/pushy manipulators anyway, but given the sheer volume of such callers I am now wondering if there are genuine ok clients out there in any significant number who use such words?
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"When are you open til?" does it for me. ::)
I'm not a shop, I do however offer a service (I'm not making goods now am I?), and it is technically 'work' - a service offered for money.
Those asking for 'full service' do tend to be more familiar with the parlour scene though.
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"What time do you open till luv?" really grips my shit! I actually almost tear chunks from my hair! Lol.
However, as much as there's so many bloody God awful phrases and timewasters etc, 'are you working?' is a common opening line and one that can't really be avoided. The same as 'are you available?' and 'what service do you offer?'.
Perhaps write on your AW profile a brief and simple paragraph on how you would like any callers to address you and such. I doubt guys would take heed though, as I have a fully descriptive profile inclusive of photo's and I still get the whole 'here babe what'd ya look like?' shite! And even if they did read it they'd prob think fuck that, they pay an escort for hassle free do as they please sex, if they wanna watch their manners and do as they're told they'll go to their wife!
Natalie Xx
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I'm afraid I'm completely the opposite! Well, "what services do you offer" just gets them directed back to my website, cos really if they don't read everything on there then there's no hope for either of us. But "are you working today?" is, in my opinion, preferable to, "Are you open today?" or "Can you squeeze me in?" or "Is there a slot available?" (That last one literally curdles in my ears! ;D "Slot"!!!)
But frankly, as long as they aren't calling to waste my time (by clearly being more interested in a long phone conversation than in actually arranging a booking), I don't care what wording they use. Some guys are more casual ("Are you free to meet later?") and some guys are quite formal ("I would like to arrange an appointment with you, please") but as long as they're talking about booking logistics, I'm happy!
I know it can be slightly annoying when someone else tries to tell you something about yourself, so please don't think I'm doing that here when I mention that usually, the only thing that makes me irritated every time my phone rings is burnout. Burnout doesn't have to be caused by doing 2000000000 bookings back-to-back, either; I find it's usually a result of needy clients who try to book every week, plus lots of idiotic calls that make me question the progress of humanity as a whole, combined with the unlucky thing where all the nice, genuine callers seeming to want to book when I'm not free. That lot of stuff is just stressful and can result in nothing but difficult bookings and lots of time wasted, so I end up either wanting to yell or sob down the phone every time it rings!
Sorry, that might well not be the issue here, and if so it's off-topic. It's just that I don't entirely understand what you're getting at in your post cos those lines are fine by me (except anyone wanting too many details, as mentioned above) unless, as I say, I'm just in a totally frustrated and worn out mood anyway. And to be honest, I prefer clients indicate that they understand that I'm working and that I'm doing my job when I talk to them and when I meet them; these guys are less likely (in my experience) to turn into "Since you enjoy having sex with me so much, Emily, I've decided to stop paying you and to start calling you 16 times a day just to see if you fancy going for coffee" (aka completely insane) guys. I'm guessing your experience is completely different, though? :) In which case, I would probably say that as long as your methods for screening out the clients you don't enjoy seeing are working, then I completely empathise with the frustration with all the other weirdos who just keep trying, day-in, day-out, dozens and even hundreds of them, a never-ending army of odd'uns with far too much time on their hands, etc etc! - I find that completely wearing, too.
But I wouldn't personally turn someone away who mentioned "services" or "working", as long as they weren't trying to turn the conversation into free sex chat. If you're wary, perhaps answer them politely and say you'd love to see them, but implement an extra step into your booking procedure? Tell them maybe to email you with the time, date and duration of booking they'd like, so that you can pop it straight into your Google calendar (that's an excuse, of course; the real reason is so you can assess how genuine they are and whether they can follow simple instructions without turning into stroppy teenagers!) - or if they email, tell them you need to receive a phone call from them at a mutually agreeable prearranged time to confirm, for the same reasons of 'testing' them slightly.
If they do follow your instructions - and you have your security sorted with a buddy who knows where you are and who you're with and when you'll be finished - then it might be worth going ahead with the booking. Always keep an eye out for any other weirdness, of course; it sounds like you're more than proficient at doing this but you know how it is. Just take that little bit of extra care at first. It's added stress but it could reduce the stress of missing out on perfectly good bookings, if it works out! :)
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I'm not offended by the word 'services' or 'working'. (asking for details of the first does get an automatic referral to my profile).
Rather than what they say its the WAY they say it that often matters to me. If they are rude and abrupt in their manner they don't get past STAGE 1! But there are guys who are polite.....but sleazy.....yeuch, I'm not interested in seeing them either.
I must admit tho sometimes when I've been innundated by guys trying it on, who are plainly not interested in a booking, (when I've wanted a recording saying 'Please go and look at my profile'), then I get a genuine guy who happens to say something similar and unfortunately gets an abrupt response from me!
Sometimes guys are just very nervous but genuine too, and find it difficult to spit the words out!
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"When are you open til?" does it for me. ::)
I'm not a shop, I do however offer a service (I'm not making goods now am I?), and it is technically 'work' - a service offered for money.
Those asking for 'full service' do tend to be more familiar with the parlour scene though.
This just reminds me of car services! Everytime I get this, I want to say 'I'm an escort, not a car mechanic!'
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I'm with the others here - I don't really understand what it is you're upset about? If it's the daft questions then I'm sure we all sympathise (and just directing people back to your ads for specific information about what's on offer really isn't such a tremendous strain, surely - I tend to ask people if there is something specific they want to know first and then do this if they really haven't got a clue), but if it's the individual words themselves I've no idea? We are service providers, and therefore people are going to use the word 'services' - given the alternatives I would have thought this was about the most polite word they could use and far preferable to being asked if they can fuck you up the arse, or whatever.
As for 'working' again, I don't really see what the alternative would be - when I am with clients I am working; it drives me mad when punters use terms like 'date' and ask when we can 'meet', and more so when we are told that sex work isn't a 'real' job and all the rest. And the one that irritates me more than any other is 'escort', a term I loathe, and it is a constant source of annoyance that I have to have it on my site or Google would ignore me. If a punter rings and asks 'if I'm working', I generally say that if I was I wouldn't have answered the phone, would I?
The 'full service' or 'full personal' bit doesn't bother me in the least but I think that's partly an age thing - when I advertised in the papers it was one of the usual things to say to describe what was on offer so the punters knew that full sex was available and I still find myself using it now if for no reason other than it's polite, everybody knows what it means and doesn't offer anything to the phone wanking brigade. Many seasoned punters have been around for far longer than the internet and they just haven't changed their language accordingly - it's a bit old-fashioned but not meant to be derogatory.
If it's the silly questions and not the words that are getting to you (and with two similar threads in barely two weeks it would seem to be this) have you thought of removing your phone number from ads altogether and just advertising an email address? You can then pass on your number to people who make their initial contact in an appropriate way and arrange times to have a chat - most of my bookings are taken this way (I do advertise my number but the vast majority of my bookings originate from email contact); it would be more difficult if you take same day bookings but if not it's certainly a far less stressful way of operating.
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it drives me mad when punters use terms like 'date' and ask when we can 'meet', and more so when we are told that sex work isn't a 'real' job and all the rest.
These are actually the sort of words I like clients to use. If a caller uses these other words and doesn't mention "services" and "working", it indicates to me that he is a potentially good (compatible) client for me and vice-versa. I guess it shows how different we escorts can be from each other and how diverse this industry is.
Now after reading your post I realize that my annoyance comes from my not perceiving escorting as work or as a job. But you're right, there must be a way to describe to clients what's on offer and the word "services" seems appropriate and rather unavoidable for that.
I also agree with Mellow:
Rather than what they say its the WAY they say it that often matters to me.
I'm not sure myself if it's the words themselves or just the way they are said the upsetting element for me.
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it drives me mad when punters use terms like 'date' and ask when we can 'meet', and more so when we are told that sex work isn't a 'real' job and all the rest.
These are actually the sort of words I like clients to use. If a caller uses these other words and doesn't mention "services" and "working", it indicates to me that he is a potentially good (compatible) client for me and vice-versa. I guess it shows how different we escorts can be from each other and how diverse this industry is.
Now after reading your post I realize that my annoyance comes from my not perceiving escorting as work or as a job. But you're right, there must be a way to describe to clients what's on offer and the word "services" seems appropriate and rather unavoidable for that.
I also agree with Mellow:
Rather than what they say its the WAY they say it that often matters to me.
I'm not sure myself if it's the words themselves or just the way they are said the upsetting element for me.
I agree that sometimes it is the way guys say things on the phone but to refer to a 'booking' as a 'date' is a load of bollox. We are providing a service and guys are paying for our services so this is MOST DEFINITELY NOT A DATE. As for the expression 'meet' grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr that totally does my box in. 'Date' and 'Meet' are two of the most offensive words a guy could use when calling me and would most certainly get the call terminated immediately.
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I have to agree with Lady L that when a caller refers to 'meets' or 'dates' in a communication thats an immediate red flag to me - the TW red flag! Oh gosh and don't get me started on the ones who seem to view AW as a dating site ::)
Not always with the word meet - I've often been asked during camming for example 'do I meet' and when I say 'No I escort' in response often they say, well yes that's what I meant. Some guys find it easier to call it a meet.
One thing I must say that I like about escorting rather than say...some kind of sugardaddy site (tho I'm way too old to have a sugardaddy!) is that its more straightforward. All the parties concerned know that sexual services are being offered in exchange for money and I find that very honesty very refreshing rather than everything being 'sugar coated'.
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"When are you open til?" does it for me. ::)
I'm not a shop, I do however offer a service (I'm not making goods now am I?), and it is technically 'work' - a service offered for money.
Those asking for 'full service' do tend to be more familiar with the parlour scene though.
Yup ;D "services" or "working" doesn't bother me at all, but the "open until" and "date" ones grate :-X
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I put on my profile today that I wouldn't have internet access today so ould they please call. It was clearly stated at the top in bold, along with my working hours for today. They still emailed to ask if I was working. Dorrrrr...
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I can't think of any better alternatives than 'services' or 'working', but quite honestly I don't get offended by 'meeting' either. 'Liaison', 'rendezvous', and 't?te-?-t?te' are all fine by me too :) (though, I bet I've spelt them all wrong!)
Admittedly I cannot stand 'Are you open today?' and 'Have you got anyone else? [as in another woman]' to which my answers are normally: 'Am I WHAT?!' and 'Have I WHAT?!' respectively.
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Yes Lou....
anyone would think he's been holding demonstrations in your favour or at the very LEAST handing around Field Reports as Flyers wherever he goes! Instread of err LEAVING AW FEEDBACK - all of 2 minutes spent doing that = CHEERLEADING & RECOMMENDING!!!
(Sorry going off piste there ladies!)
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I dont know what the fuss is about ( or maybe ive mellowed out a bit ) but it dosnt bother me in the slightest i dont have any airs and graces about what i do - i think if simple words likes services and working offend people to the point of getting upset then they are in the wrong job ;D there is a lot more stuff i would be offended by in this business but these words nah water of a ducks back to me
i supply a service so no problems if they ask about service
i am working so no problems if they ask if im open
yes they can meet me today ( if im working )
i really dont get why people are offended or irritated by such common words, a fair amount of the guys have often used parlours where these words are commonly used, so they dont see any difference in using them when they call us and lets face it whats the real difference we all drop our knickers for cash so i see why guys ask and use these words
i much prefer to listen to the tone of the voice and the way that its being said rather than the actual words used
its a waste of time i think to send them back to the profile you just loose business guy generally wont do this they will just move on to the next availble girl who gives them details - ok you might get the odd one who will go back and read it but 8 /10 wont bother so you lose business from it
its far easier to work from a script give them the details that they want even if its not what they want or require if you tell them what you offer and what you dont do its so much easier Even if its on your site and listed clearly i find it easier to tell them exactly what i do and dont do and what they will get and not get
the harder you make it for them to book the less money you make
a few words like open, services, and meet wont stop me from taking a booking i would rather deal with the blunt ones than the flowery long love letters that i get now that creeps me out ( but i will still take the booking being such a prossie )
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Neither word bothers me to be honest. In fact it's usually me that asks, "What services do you require?" or "What kind of service are you looking for?" just so I can be prepared!
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I don't mind 'date' as long as there is no confusion about our 'date' being a paid one. In any case, I always re confirm the prices. That way we both know where we stand.
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I don't mind 'date' as long as there is no confusion about our 'date' being a paid one. In any case, I always re confirm the prices. That way we both know where we stand.
Yes I too make it quite clear. I'm sure we've all had the "I'm in town, staying in a nice hotel would love to treat you to dinner?".
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I'm not bothered by their wording, rather (as someone else has already said) it's the 'way' they speak to me which bothers me. I find the more they fuss about when I'm available, whether I have any friends, what I look like and how many times they can come, the more I lose interest in taking their booking. If you want to see me arrange a time and just see me!
I don't like discussing my services on the phone, I've never been good that way. I'd prefer they ask if they want something in particular so I can yes or no from the start.
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I'm not bothered by their wording, rather (as someone else has already said) it's the 'way' they speak to me which bothers me. I find the more they fuss about when I'm available, whether I have any friends, what I look like and how many times they can come, the more I lose interest in taking their booking. If you want to see me arrange a time and just see me!
I don't like discussing my services on the phone, I've never been good that way. I'd prefer they ask if they want something in particular so I can yes or no from the start.
I sooo agree with all this post!!!
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I'm another one who hates 'what time are you open till today?' >:(
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Services?
Well....I love "O" either way, play, massage, looking at naughty films
and of course you can fuck me.
May I ask you a personal question? - Are you feeling horny?
Great, so am I. When would you like to book a session with me?
It's a sales script, nothing more.
I could be saying:
Well, it's an economical runner while both stylish and fun to drive.
Now you may not have noticed but along with air-con,
it also has sat nav, mp3/cd player, and powered steering.
(Did you know Kylie Minogue didn't just feature in the ads but actually owns this same model?)
Now what have we got to do, to have you driving this lovely car off the forecourt, today?
Just words, like a billboard. Not there to touch my soul, justify my self or describe the real me.
It's a verbal flyer to start the process of separating potential client from their Coin.
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This just reminds me of car services! Everytime I get this, I want to say 'I'm an escort, not a car mechanic!'
Or "I'm an escort, not a Ford Escort" ;D
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and how many times they can come
That one does get to me. But not in a bad way.
How should I know. we've never met. 2, 3, 4, 5 times? ... Am I close?
I then laugh and explain that they can decide at the start of the appointment,
and write the number of planned orgasms, on the white marker board.
But that they MUST keep to their stated number, within the session time...
I do then tell them that I'm joking around.
Strangely they still visit me.
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I think it's hard to strike a balance between putting decent potential real punters off (ie those skimming through lots of sites/profiles so maybe needing confirmation and things explained) and not wanting to encourage or pander to idiotic timewasters (and some of them are actually quite subtle in their attempts).
Personally I wouldn't mind describing myself etc to a caller who is seriously thinking about a booking or enquiring. It's a business after all. But the thought of unwittingly serving as some idiot's free wank fodder when I'm not getting paid for it makes me feel a bit icky! Like the idiot TW has got one over on me or something. Basically, as long as it's not really offensive, I don't mind as long as I'm getting paid or there's a good chance it will pay off. That's why I'm really shit at Free Chat on webcams - it riles me when I'm sitting there in bra and panties and some twat comes in and after 1 min says "oh baby you are so hot ...i'm wanking right now...." >:( It sort of feels to me a bit like how I'd imagine I'd feel if I were a stripper doing a stage set but not getting tipped.
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That's why I'm really shit at Free Chat on webcams
What is this 'Free' of which you speak? ??? ;D
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my all time it just pisses me off no end is " are you free at all today"? im not free anyday im available but never free,and why oh why dont they read yr profiles? they ask questions that are in yr FAQ'S and then where are you?
how much do you charge? my prices are right underneath my mobile number doh!!!!!! lol