SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: Miaken on 12 January 2012, 02:24:56 pm
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OK so there's this one guy I've seen 3-4 times over the space of the last year, he books me for a tantric session (which is what I mostly do, with a bit of escorting on the side). I'm sure you've all been in the situation ladies where you're faced with an absolute hunk and suddenly your confidence does a runner and you turn into a nervous, anxious school girl again. Well the first handful of sessions were great, we really connected and the massages were great, though nothing outside of the usual boundaries and those nerves went away after a few sessions. But he came to see me over christmas for a longer session than normal (2 hours) and as we approached the lingham section he started to caress me back, which he doesn't normally do but which I'm mostly OK with, so I continued. Anyway, given the sensual nature of what we were doing to begin with, one thing lead to another and you can fill the rest in.
At the time it didn't seem much a big deal but I'm now worried about future bookings with this guy in case he's going to expect full sex every time, though I also feel bad about telling him off in any way because you always get the odd client who tries to push your boundaries and I should have known how to handle it. I guess the moment and the attraction took over me, to be honest I don't even remember deciding to have sex with him, it just happened!
I figure I should probably write an e-mail apologising for not respecting my own boundaries but I also feel a hypocrite since I'll happily have sex with a guy when I'm escorting, which is only a few times a month. I think it's because I escort separately so when I'm doing that I'm more "in character" whereas I can be myself in the massage so it's like I actually had sex with someone rather than just did my job, as would be the case with escorting.
Anyone experienced anything like this?!
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I'm certain that you're not the only one.
Stop worrying about it, especially if you enjoyed it at the time. As in any other situation, just because you have had sex with him once does not mean you ever have to do it again. He may hope for a repeat, but the fact that he didn't push for sex in previous bookings suggests he won't expect it to happen.
You can be clear about 'no penetrative sex' in future bookings... and if you want to do it again, no-one (except perhaps yourself) is going to tell you off.
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Personaly when I am in work I am 'in work' and so no matter how 'sexy' a guy is I don't get turned on and don't 'over step' my boundaries. This is, I think, 'cause I have my OH though.
If I was single could this happen to me? Yep, and it has once.
When I first started escorting I had met this one guy maybe 3 or 4 times, maybe slightly more. He was attractive and funny and clean and generally just a nice guy.
On what was maybe the 5th booking he'd made I had unprotected sex with him. I curse myself for it now and 4 years later I would not be so bloody stupid but back then I was new and naive and thinking 'Pretty Woman' thoughts.
Anyway, a few weeks after this booking he rang again to book me for the following day. I was shitting it but I went ahead with the appointment.
He was a little 'friendlier' than usual and had a tad more cockiness about him, which I must admit put me off him quite a bit. Once I was lying on the bed next to him he attempted to kiss me. I had never kissed him before the time of the unprotected sex and he knew that kissing was not generally offered. However I can see why he thought things were now different. He went on to expect oral without and when I reached for the condom he 'joked' "your pussy didn't have a problem taking it the other week so get your lips round it babe." BOKE! But anyway, I carried on as I was and said gently and light heartedly 'I don't do oral without hunni so just lie back and let me do what I do best'.
Knowing what was coming I sat back and explained how the other week I got caught up in the moment and whilst I enjoyed the fun we had it wasn't a good idea to repeat it. (STDS etc aside). I explained that I am an escort and this is my main job my only financial source and so I like to keep my work strictly as business, fun which I love but business and I need that business to stay healthy and mentally switched on.
He wasn't totally impressed as you can imagine. He couldn't grasp how I could bend my rules 'to suit myself' and then when I had changed my mind "again" revert back to "cold escort". He felt that he had been used and that he must have been "shit in the sack" for me to "do this to him".
He didn't book me again for quite a few months but when he did make contact it was via email and it was an apology for not seeing my side of things and there was a booking attatched. as it turned out the booking went well and low and behold I had a regular back!
I don't know if that helps at all I just wanted you to know you're not alone and we all make silly mistakes in the heat of the moment etc. Ps: Tip One-Don't see young fit clients, it leads to trouble and/or us acting like we have never seen a cock on a hunk before! Lol.
Anyway, how do you feel about what happened now? Would having sex with this guy be something you'd like to do again? Do you think he'll book you again(you'll know how he left it with you)? If it is going to make you feel ill at ease would you feel comfortable rejecting any further bookings from him and could you afford to? Perhaps as you escort too you could ask him (if he books again) if he would like the tantric appointment or the escort appointment so either way you will know to 'be in character. If he books the tantric and starts behaving in a way that is leading towards sex again gently but firmly steer him away from that notion. If he persists explain that he booked a tantric session not an escort session and if he wishes to have sex he can book you as an escort. Explain as I did with my guy that whist you enjoyed being with him you need to keep business as business to avoid either party being hurt emotionally or financially.
Natz Xx
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Thanks for your in-depth replies, ladies.
I have to admit I'm in two minds... after the session had ended it felt virtually the same as it always does - glowing, cuddling for a while, wishing them a safe journey - because, as I said, it felt completely natural to have sex with him at that point, even though I shouldn't have. I'd have sex with him again if I'd met him socially (I am single, by the way) but my brain tells me I shouldn't do it in a session because they'd risk turning into something even more personal than they're meant to be if it's ME having sex with him, not escort me. You know, if I think a married guy is coming to have 'genuine' sex with me (for want of a better word) then it's a bit of a different situation than him just being a client, so I think I have to put those boundaries back up.
But then on the other hand, when you're gliding all over them and running your fingers all over and getting massively turned on, it can take a mammoth amount of self-restraint!! It's like showing a starving man a Hamburger.... and then rubbing it all over his naked body.
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I know very much how you feel, as I do both tantric massage and escorting and go out to bookings with a totally different mindset depending on what type, and behave differently too. As a masseuse, I'm a mysterious goddess who brings them a sensual experience and then vanishes into the night...so too much talking and quite in control. For GFE, I'm super-flirty, chatty, warm, seductive, naughty etc. etc. I don't really like to mix booking types.
I had a very awkward situation yesterday when I saw a client whom I presumed wanted a tantric massage booking, but turned out wanted GFE with tantric massage. Eeeuuch!!
I think if you see this gentleman again, go out the door with your 'escorting' head on, rather than 'masseuse' head, and get him to pay you at the beginning of the appointment for whatever kind of booking he'd like that day, or ask in your confirmation mail if you're doing massage or massage+gfe, because you want to know what to wear/pack, or something! I had a client that I started doing massage with, and now do GFE with massage for, but every time I go out to the booking I prepare as for an escort booking, not massage
Or you could just say that you're no longer escorting as your bf doesn't like it and am only doing massage...but that means that you can't turn him into escort client
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He must be thanking his lucky stars lol ;D
Experienced tantric masseuse here:
Those things...happen: that you'll get very attracted to a client and get "carried away" when you're a single horny girl. We're only human. Even when your limits are" carved in stone" you'll bump into Mr Nice guy every once in a blue moon when your hormones happen to be raging. Then you'll think "what the heck!" and let down your barriers. Again: we're just human so don't bang your head against the wall. It was hot, it was fun, end off.
After, one of the 2 things usually happens:
a) You'll loose a good regular due to a bad case of raging hormones. He'll never call back as he has a wife/girlfriend and feels guilty (remember that 90% of the tantric clients come to us because they don't want to get laid). For them getting is tantric massage is considered"not cheating" but fucking some girl is. Men are funny.
or
b) He'll come back in a short time expecting the same treatment.
If the answer to your own scenario is b you have 2 options:
a) Turn him into a client-with-benefits (have "fun" with him every time he visits till you guys get bored). Good sex is awesome (If you decide to charge him x-tra for the sex thats up to you).
b) Apologize profusely for your "raging hormones" next time he calls and let him know that the sex was a one time thingy and you'd rather keep things "therapeutic" and make it clear he's not going to get laid ever-ever again at your place. If he chooses to book he's warned.
You're the one who has to decide what you want from this guy.
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Thanks for your replies, everyone, it's reassuring to know it happens, I thought it was just me!
By the way, while we're on a similar subject, do any of you tantric masseuses kiss your clients? I have occasionally after a particular good session had a few light pecks on the lips but I don't advertise it or use tongues. For one, I think advertising it would make it easier for some to try and push the boundaries. Generally speaking, though, when I have kissed a client it's been after the massage is over and it's always just been an almost friendly, tentative, brief few seconds. The incident I mentioned in this thread is the only time I've passionately kissed a client during a massage and I think it's safe to say it played a big part in the sex occurring so that makes me think it's a bad idea during the massage itself, save for light kisses over the body.
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In my experience, tantric massage clients who want kissing really want GFE without full sex...a few of my Dubai clients fall into this category. I just charge them halfway between my massage rate and my full GFE rate and then let them snog me all they want, and I feel OK with it because I'm charging them more, if that makes sense?!
I don't kiss body-to-body tantric massage clients, except light kisses on the body or neck. When I'm doing a massage, I want to be in control, and kissing definitely ruins that! If they want non massage extras then they have to pay for non massage extras. (e.g. if they want mutual massage then they have to get 'worship' which is extra)