SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: Love.Sex.Dreams on 26 September 2019, 07:43:43 pm
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Hello everyone
There is an older guy on my street who literally seems to be omnipresent, always about. The busy body type. I think he is semi-retired. We dont even live in the same building. I thought I had found the perfect working flat as I have my own private entrance, and the house below me is a soundproofed mansion, where neighbours mind their own business. He seems very territorial about the whole street. My flat is in a dead-end corner. The place just has a very "intimate" feel to it. The past 3 weeks, he has gotten into a routine of coming to sit at my door every Sunday morning with his grandbaby for about 30mins. The baby is there playing with pebbles in my walkway, I think he only brings the baby to make things look "normal", like oh it's just an innocent child playing but he is really there to spy on me. Like a grown ass man sitting at my door and there is no bench or anything. It's just so f*cking weird. I think he is on to me. I think the next step for him is stopping clients to question them. He seems the type.
Also, I am a young black woman in a very white and rich neighbourhood, I had surgery and I look very different. I can feel their stares are not very welcoming. Only been here 2 months and it's so hostile. I feel trapped and I already paid the rent 6 months in advance. I can't tour cause I spent so much on rent here. I was thinking of opening up a business as a cover-up to say I work from home and giving this guy my business card since he seems so curious, then switching to night-shifts to save myself the stress of sneaking people in during the day, when he is around sitting in his car or walking his dog/with his grandbaby. Do you think it's good idea? Or should I just continue on working and count my days as numbered?
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In the 1st place, why the hell is he sitting in YOUR doorway? Let him & the kid sit in his own damn property FFS.
I can hear him now: "Oh, but little Samantha likes to play with these rocks/pebbles!"
That's when you bring out a gorgeous kids pail you've beautifully decorated, stuffed full of rocks & hand it over to him slash the kid & say, "Here you are!"😆
I mean, I'd be uncomfortable even without bringing *this* into it. Why is some old guy hanging around my stoop? Clear off, man, go find a playground.
Obvious ??, but can you maybe do some recording & get the cops involved?
I mean, blech.😳🤢
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Only doing night shift times would in my opinion bring more attention if this man is really suspicious of what you do. To see the occasional visitor in daylight hours is feasible but late night or early morning? Not the wisest move.
Is it possible he actually fancies you? Wants to get to know you? He may be very curious why you live there and wants to strike up conversation to find out more. It could be nothing worse than that. Make up a tale to excuse why you are there during the day and this may be a well worn idea but how about asking your male visitors to turn up with a brief case or file to make it look anything but a sex encounter. I have a couple of clients who do this and we giggle about it but to anyone outside it would certainly throw them off the scent.
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I don't even like people smoking by my door never mind sitting in my doorway. I have told students to fuck off when they gathered outside. He's too close for comfort. He's got no legitimate business there. Is it communal doorway or sole use? Is it stalkerish to warrant a police complaint? If you weren't a SW you might not think twice about it.
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I don't even like people smoking by my door never mind sitting in my doorway. I have told students to fuck off when they gathered outside. He's too close for comfort. He's got no legitimate business there. Is it communal doorway or sole use? Is it stalkerish to warrant a police complaint? If you weren't a SW you might not think twice about it.
Exactly. You need to stop tiptoeing around this because it draws more attention to you - the normal reaction would be to go out and asking him why he's hanging around your home, point out that it's private property and tell him he's making you uneasy and uncomfortable so you'd like him to leave and not return.
Some weird creepy bloke hanging around outside a young woman's door and watching her from his car? I'd ask him once to stay away (and record yourself doing so, or at least note down the exact time and day that you did) and if he doesn't sling his hook then call the police and report him as a stalker. Twat.
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In the 1st place, why the hell is he sitting in YOUR doorway? Let him & the kid sit in his own damn property FFS.
I can hear him now: "Oh, but little Samantha likes to play with these rocks/pebbles!"
That's when you bring out a gorgeous kids pail you've beautifully decorated, stuffed full of rocks & hand it over to him slash the kid & say, "Here you are!"😆
I mean, I'd be uncomfortable even without bringing *this* into it. Why is some old guy hanging around my stoop? Clear off, man, go find a playground.
Obvious ??, but can you maybe do some recording & get the cops involved?
Yes, I was actually thinking of buying a camera. But I am worried that with cops I might escalate things when he might actually be a harmless git
[quote fixed]
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Only doing night shift times would in my opinion bring more attention if this man is really suspicious of what you do. To see the occasional visitor in daylight hours is feasible but late night or early morning? Not the wisest move.
Is it possible he actually fancies you? Wants to get to know you? He may be very curious why you live there and wants to strike up conversation to find out more.
But he'll be sleeping. Like I said, he is in a different building which is a across the street. I don't think he fancies me, he goes around sniffing everywhere like a dog looking for some scent. He just sits at MY door cause it's in a corner and the pebbles of course. And obviously he is suspicious of my scent and wants to sniff more
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I don't even like people smoking by my door never mind sitting in my doorway. I have told students to fuck off when they gathered outside. He's too close for comfort. He's got no legitimate business there. Is it communal doorway or sole use? Is it stalkerish to warrant a police complaint? If you weren't a SW you might not think twice about it.
It's not communal, it's my own private door. Away from other doors, in a corner
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Paint the step with anti vandal paint, or just grease it, he will get message when pants messed.
If he complains say you had trouble with youths been smoking at door.
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But he'll be sleeping. Like I said, he is in a different building which is a across the street. I don't think he fancies me, he goes around sniffing everywhere like a dog looking for some scent. He just sits at MY door cause it's in a corner and the pebbles of course. And obviously he is suspicious of my scent and wants to sniff more
Yes I know middle of the night is when people are usually asleep but if he is suspicious of you or has the hots for you what would be stopping him sitting up in a vigile and spying on you at all hours? Hopefully never going to happen but it was just my thoughts on it.
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Yes I know middle of the night is when people are usually asleep but if he is suspicious of you or has the hots for you what would be stopping him sitting up in a vigile and spying on you at all hours? Hopefully never going to happen but it was just my thoughts on it.
Yeah you never know but I don't think he'd want to disturb his precious grandchildren at night lol. I don't know what his place looks like inside but I doubt that he can see my door from there because his house is on a hill. My other worry is him finding my ad. I kinda stand out because of my body and hair, im also one of a few black escorts in the area
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Exactly. You need to stop tiptoeing around this because it draws more attention to you - the normal reaction would be to go out and asking him why he's hanging around your home, point out that it's private property and tell him he's making you uneasy and uncomfortable so you'd like him to leave and not return.
Some weird creepy bloke hanging around outside a young woman's door and watching her from his car? I'd ask him once to stay away (and record yourself doing so, or at least note down the exact time and day that you did) and if he doesn't sling his hook then call the police and report him as a stalker. Twat.
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I'll try to muster up the courage to do this Amy, I'm very shy
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Your private door! I couldn't work or live like that. I called the police on some workmen who were yelling like animals outside my window!...antisocial behaviour. I can't have clients snoozy massage disrupted by tradies shouting rubbish at each other. They were all questioned and told to behave right there in the street big daylight. I'm a right complain neighbour. We can't have people taking the piss, squatting on your territory putting off clients or making it an unsavoury environment. If you're shy, a nice gentleman in a uniform will do it completely free! ;D
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Your private door! I couldn't work or live like that. I called the police on some workmen who were yelling like animals outside my window!...antisocial behaviour. I can't have clients snoozy massage disrupted by tradies shouting rubbish at each other. They were all questioned and told to behave right there in the street big daylight. I'm a right complain neighbour. We can't have people taking the piss, coming to your territory putting off clients or making it an unsavoury environment. If you're shy, a nice gentleman in a uniform will do it completely free! ;D
Bang on the nose as usual, Salty.
You're giving this guy entirely too much control. Take escorting out of the equation. I know it's difficult, but try. Now, how would you feel? You'd be charging out of your door who-ing & what-ing & where-ing so fast he wouldn't know what had hit him.
Take escorting out of the equation. That's your space. He's invading it.
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You'd be charging out of your door who-ing & what-ing & where-ing so fast he wouldn't know what had hit him.
I charged out last time and before I even said anything he spoke first and was pretty defensive. He said "it's okay she just likes to play with the play with the pebbles" in a very overpowering tone and I was just dumbfounded and retreated back into my flat, confused. I am really going to try and say something next time. It's so weird here on another note, everyone just touches my hair on the street without even asking. Just disrespectful and invasiveness all round
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The damage may have been done already, I just noticed my remote key to the garage was disabled, its a shared garage so I don't know. Maybe my eviction is in motion or its a glitch. We'll see. Pray for me please guys. I really liked the flat
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You can't get evicted without first going to court and them having a reason to evict you, at the moment they don't. If the garage isn't working and it's not a glitch then they are breaking the law by disabling it.
To evict you they would have to give you an eviction notice citing one of the clauses that you may have broken, of course they would then have to have proof of this. This is not a quick process so you could drag it out anyway until your 6 months lease is up and then leave. In the meantime I would tell him to get off your step and just carry on as normal as I would suspect you would want to leave at the end of the lease eviction or not.
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I can relate, sometimes being a woman of colour some people think they can treat you anyway they like. You need to set boundaries, don't let people take advantage of you like this... its your house period and you decide who comes and play lol. Be polite but firm when you talk to him.
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To evict you they would have to give you an eviction notice citing one of the clauses that you may have broken,/quote]
At least the good thing here is that there isn't anything in the lease agreement about working from home and escorting is legal here so that gives me some comfort at least.
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I can relate, sometimes being a woman of colour some people think they can treat you anyway they like. You need to set boundaries, don't let people take advantage of you like this... its your house period and you decide who comes and play lol. Be polite but firm when you talk to him.
Yes, although I am scared, I am learning to set boundaries in every aspect of my life, it's so important. It needs to be done, something I am working on as I am healing from codependency. I'll put myself to the test this Sunday if he comes around
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Hope you can get this sorted hun. No woman of any race colour or whatever it may be should have the personal boundaries invaded in such a way. Like Celeste said try to take your job out of the equation. The first moment I seen him lingering outside I would have been asking him outright what he’s doing.
I think for the police to be involved you’ll need to give him a verbal warning, at least one should suffice.
Do try to find your voice in this and get your life back as it seems like it’s causing you so much anxiety and stress. You don’t deserve this.
On another note if another person dared to touch my hair they’d be catching my hands! Trust!!
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I charged out last time and before I even said anything he spoke first and was pretty defensive. He said "it's okay she just likes to play with the play with the pebbles" in a very overpowering tone and I was just dumbfounded and retreated back into my flat, confused. I am really going to try and say something next time. It's so weird here on another note, everyone just touches my hair on the street without even asking. Just disrespectful and invasiveness all round
You should have told him very firmly: "Well, this is MY private property and I DON'T want people in it and that includes kids playing with pebbles. Now, go and find another place for your child to play with pebbles. End of.
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You should have told him very firmly: "Well, this is MY private property and I DON'T want people in it or kids playing with pebbles. Now, go and find another place for your child to play with pebbles. End of.
Yes! Or scoop up a bucket full of pebbles and put them outside his door. If that is really his excuse for loitering outside the building. Might be interesting to see if that ends the problem. You see Keep off the Grass notices. What about Please Keep off the Pebbles. I am serious.
Touching hair without permission is something I would not dream of doing to another woman and I see some totally gorgeous long glossy curly manes. Fake hair of course but that is not the issue. If someone touched my long hair in public I would not be smiling I would do something I may regret.
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You should have told him very firmly: "Well, this is MY private property and I DON'T want people in it and that includes kids playing with pebbles. Now, go and find another place for your child to play with pebbles. End of.
Yes, I was berating and beating myself up after the encounter thinking why didn't I say exactly what you've typed here Ana, like NO its not f*cking ok for him to do this. Guys, all your advice has got me seriously pumped up, I actually can't wait for him to try me again or for some idiot to put their hands on my hair, I'll show them that I am not one to mess with going forward. I know it won't be easy but I'll need to just override the fear and speak up cause the sh*ts will continue and I'll hate myself for being such a p*ssy
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Yes, I was berating and beating myself up after the encounter thinking why didn't I say exactly what you've typed here Ana, like NO its not f*cking ok for him to do this. Guys, all your advice has got me seriously pumped up, I actually can't wait for him to try me again or for some idiot to put their hands on my hair, I'll show them that I am not one to mess with going forward. I know it won't be easy but I'll need to just override the fear and speak up cause the sh*ts will continue and I'll hate myself for being such a p*ssy
You're not a pussy, it's because you are concerned about him knowing what you do and it's slightly overridden the fact he's a creepy weirdo that actually shouldn't be invading your space and making you feel uncomfortable and worse still, unsafe.
If you weren't escorting how would you react to him lingering around? You'd probably say something. He is WAY overstepping and should know better than to be on your doorstep unless specifically invited, that's just wrong on so many levels.
You don't need to be rude, you can ask him politely to leave as he's making you feel uncomfortable and it's YOUR house and he has not been invited. If he then continues you should take it further. As previously suggested, recording the initial conversation is a very good idea.
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Yes, I was berating and beating myself up after the encounter thinking why didn't I say exactly what you've typed here Ana, like NO its not f*cking ok for him to do this. Guys, all your advice has got me seriously pumped up, I actually can't wait for him to try me again or for some idiot to put their hands on my hair, I'll show them that I am not one to mess with going forward. I know it won't be easy but I'll need to just override the fear and speak up cause the sh*ts will continue and I'll hate myself for being such a p*ssy
The only issue I see here is the fact you're "sneaking in guys" and don't want neighbours to find out. You're a young black woman in a white posh neighbourhood and you have some old guy with a little too much time in his hands checking out the "new exotic element". You're probably quite pretty, well groomed and (as you said) have plastic surgery, so probably pop out like a sore thumb (with all my respects). If they find out there's guys coming in and out that's going to be a major issue and confirm their "fears" (she's a hooker! ) and they can gang up. Keep in mind you;re doing nothing illegal, but still.. neighbours can make your life very difficult when this happens (specially when you;re a pretty black young woman in a white neighbourhood). If I were you I would be already preparing an excellent cover up story. massage therapist? you're involved in some sort of piramid scheme marketing business where you have to meet clients? Whatever the story is make it bullet proof. Then go on with your life and don't engage with them but the ocasional "good morning and good afternoon".
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I'd consider videoing when you tell him to ensure you have a/ evidence of your request and b/so you can't be falsely accused of wrong doing. It's legal to record in a public place. I've recorded people and their Smart Alec responses fizzle out.
I've also sent the images to their employers with a formal complaint.
I think without knowing it you've become the local celebrity and all this rude touching and bizarre close contact means they're fascinated by you. Probably a more diverse, busy mixed resi-bus area, where you're not the only 'popping babe in the village' may work better when your lease is up?
I use the local popping babes as my disguise lol ;D
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My God with this behaviour I'd smack him in the mouth after giving him a right mouthful >:D How dare he do this!
I give cold callers a mouthful when they choose to ignore my very obvious no cold calling sign. Knock on my door at your peril ;D
Twats the lot of 'em :FF
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Personally, I'd keep my head down and work as quietly as possible until the lease was up. I've found the best flats to rent are in areas with a lot of Eastern Europeans. They don't seem to take any notice of whats going on if you're discreet. I work from a nice flat in that type of area seeing four guys three times a week. Been there 18 months and no one knows. I'm like you - quite nervous about being outed. But when I left, that guy would get dog poop through his letterbox.
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;D ;D ;D
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;D
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Personally, I'd keep my head down and work as quietly as possible until the lease was up. I've found the best flats to rent are in areas with a lot of Eastern Europeans. They don't seem to take any notice of whats going on if you're discreet. I work from a nice flat in that type of area seeing four guys three times a week. Been there 18 months and no one knows. I'm like you - quite nervous about being outed. But when I left, that guy would get dog poop through his letterbox.
I would put dog poop in the pebbles 😂
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I've found the best flats to rent are in areas with a lot of Eastern Europeans.
+1
I think it is partly due to cultural difference, especially with people from former communist countries. They naturally mind their own business, and will not stick their nose into yours unless you are causing them some kind of a problem. Not like us brits who love snitching, bitching, and curtain twitching...
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Folks, the OP isn't in the UK and even if she was this is not going to degenerate any further into silly generalisations about nationality. Move on, please.
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Haha Paris.
Lady Frog, so true and I wish I'd known this ages ago. The flat I work from has been a working flat for eleven years and no one knows. There are always new people moving in and moving out which is another good thing. If there were Brits there, they would soon be curtain twitching (sweeping statement I know) or be sitting on my doorstep doing a crossword or something. Ground floor flats work best in my view. Short of having an underground tunnel, where I work couldn't be better for discretion. So OP I really do feel for you because I've been in a similar situation before and it's just not nice, especially if you are a nervous type as I am.
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I've lived in my flat for over eleven years and had my work flat for over five, I wouldn't recognise any of my neighbours in the street and I doubt they would me. We're all British, as far as I know.
Anyway, the OP has paid six months rent upfront, so as she's said she isn't going to be moving any time soon. The weird bloke hanging around on her doorstep is the problem and would be regardless of where her flat is and what it's like, not any mistake that she's made or anything she's done.
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Okay that was a poor choice of words, obviously you can't stereotype people by their nationality, but cultural influences do have in impact on people's interaction with each other, as I have noticed in the many many places I have rented, and various nationalities of people I have rented to/from, mostly outside of escorting. I definitely wasn't suggesting the OP is somehow to blame for this man's behaviour.
It seems very clear from the fact he spoke up in a defensive way "it's okay she just likes to play with the play with the pebbles" that he was well aware he was in the wrong; that is very defensive - not normal neighbourly conversation at all. He knows you know he's up to something.
Definitely move when your lease ends... even if nothing happens, staying put may cause you stress and paranoia. As far as what to do in the meantime, before the lease is up, that really depends on the potential consequences of this situation escalating: ie. depends on the legalities of escorting in your country.
One option would be to move and sublet the flat for the remainder of the contract term, again that depends on the legalities of subletting where you are. Seems like your neighbours would potentially grass you up to your letting agency or landlord if you sublet and tried to hide it.
More immediately, it might be worth putting up a dummy CCTV camera over the entrance way? They cost £5 i think, it might put him off hanging around.