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Author Topic: Stupid question or not ?  (Read 2199 times)

lauren.nico2020

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Stupid question or not ?
« on: 17 October 2023, 01:48:34 am »
Hey everyone , so back story , I saw a customer tonight, I don’t see guys on drugs as it’s just not my cuppa tea, anyways tonight one had slipped thru. He came in and pulled a bottle of JD out his jacket and a bag of sniff. I instantly knew this was going to be a long 30 mins , anyways long story short , he really made me feel uneasy and kept saying don’t take him for a dick head even tho I wasn’t. Whilst giving him a service I stupidly let him be ontop of me and whilst trying to insert his …. Into me unprotected he was calling me a dirty whore and grabbed me by my neck and then put his hand over my mouth.. I stupidly allowed him to do this to keep him calm, and I just want to point out he never tried anything in the sence of rape etc, but the fact he kept saying don’t take him for a dickhead and he put his hand over my mouth and neck , I totally feel violated, like totally.
I guess I’m just wondering what other girls would have done in this situation. I’m really not sure how I feel about it, but it’s ruined my night of work and I had a cry. I’m not sure if I’m more angry that I’ve allowed him to violate me or the fact I froze up and instead of telling him straight I tried to just keep him calm for the 30 mins.
After he had miraculously cum with a softy , he left fine , and I said good buy, but I’m beating myself up on what I should have said to him. So I’m interested to find out how others would have coped or what they would have said . Hope this doesn’t sound to dumb

amy

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Re: Stupid question or not ?
« Reply #1 on: 17 October 2023, 12:08:09 pm »
Well you've been assaulted and you haven't done anything wrong - there is no 'should' about it. Women are not responsible for men's shit behaviour and this bloke is an arsehole who took advantage of you being afraid (I'd say he should be reported too; please think about getting in touch with National Ugly Mugs when you're feeling a bit calmer) :)

That isn't to say there aren't things you couldn't have done differently but hindsight is always a wonderful thing (I don't allow alcohol or drugs at all, so I would have put him out right away). It's easy to say we all would have stopped the service and got up to ask him to leave, but you did what you thought was the safest thing at the time, he left without a fuss in the end and you're OK so don't beat yourself up about it.

English Green

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Re: Stupid question or not ?
« Reply #2 on: 17 October 2023, 12:41:31 pm »
Poor you. He assaulted you and did it because he knew you was afraid and his comments of "Dont treat me like a dickhead" is basically telling you to let him do whatever he wants. The cheek he had first of all to bring in alcohol and drugs in the first place was like he is in charge and does not care that the drugs are illegal.

What i would have done is probably turn him away but if not when he started trying to silence me by hand over the mouth i would have pushed him off and tell him what he is doing wrong and i would grab my phone to tell him i am calling the police.

I agree with Amy please call NUM and speak to them and see if they could maybe give you advice of what to do and if they could make a police complaint for you. This is the worst part of this job when these bastards actually think hookers are worthless and i can bring drugs in and assault you if i wish.

If you can are you able to put up a warning here on saafe about him?

I think you are questioning yourself because these types of men make you feel like you are useless and if they pay they do as they like.  You have done nothing wrong.

TrueVoice

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Re: Stupid question or not ?
« Reply #3 on: 17 October 2023, 02:23:35 pm »
I am sorry to hear what happen to you. This experience is so horrible. Whoever they are I consider it as a rape and would report him as his behaviour is dangerous toward other. Please report his number to the apps so no other girls will meet him in the future.
Personally when I think a customer is going too far I pinch their bolses or use my knees and that stop them immediately . But most of the time I tell them before on the phone that I don t accept this and that and  even at my incall place I tell them . If i feel they don t care I tell them to leave and if they don t ,i leave my own place until i see them going away . Your safety is first .

lauren.nico2020

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Re: Stupid question or not ?
« Reply #4 on: 17 October 2023, 03:14:42 pm »
Well you've been assaulted and you haven't done anything wrong - there is no 'should' about it. Women are not responsible for men's shit behaviour and this bloke is an arsehole who took advantage of you being afraid (I'd say he should be reported too; please think about getting in touch with National Ugly Mugs when you're feeling a bit calmer) :)

That isn't to say there aren't things you couldn't have done differently but hindsight is always a wonderful thing (I don't allow alcohol or drugs at all, so I would have put him out right away). It's easy to say we all would have stopped the service and got up to ask him to leave, but you did what you thought was the safest thing at the time, he left without a fuss in the end and you're OK so don't beat yourself up about it.

Hey, I’ve reported him on client eye but he rang off a guys number who I knew so I’m trying to find his name without actually saying what he did, not sure if I wanna go to the police on this as today I’ve just been crying , I’m not sure if I’m angry or upset tbh . Also if it’s assault, he never actually hurt me , he just scared me to the point I froze . So wouldn’t that be my own stupidness for allowing him to do that? Also wanted to add that , thankfully he couldn’t get hard but if he was , he would of probably internally hurt me as his dick was big and whilst he was trying to have sex (even tho it was soft and wasn’t in) he was really kinda agressive like pornstar hardcore , to the point he had his arm wrapped around me and had my face pushed into his chest. So when he was thrusting he would have done some serious damage internally if he was hard, thank god he wasn’t . I guess I’m just trying to get my head around what’s happened as in 3yrs I’ve never ever had a customer where I’ve had to question myself about how I feel with them :(

amy

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Re: Stupid question or not ?
« Reply #5 on: 17 October 2023, 03:27:22 pm »
It doesn't matter whether he hurt you - spitting at somebody is assault too!

I mentioned National Ugly Mugs because they can support you and help you decide whether you want to report him to the police or not (they won't make you do anything); a random app where people report punters just for being a bit smelly or leaving the bathroom in a mess is all very well, but a credible organisation which specialises in sex worker support might be a bit more help in a situation like this.

It's awful knowing that you booked a punter in who turned out to be a bastard and I know what it's like to beat yourself up about it afterwards, but it will pass. Do you know somebody who can come round and sit with you for a bit so you're not on your own?

Js765

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Re: Stupid question or not ?
« Reply #6 on: 17 October 2023, 03:37:33 pm »
Hey everyone [...]

My God, how absurd, this has never happened to me, when another girl reports it I get very shaken, this was a rape.  It must have been horrible, I don't even have words.  I sincerely hope that you can overcome this trauma and that he pays for everything he did to you, in the laws of men or in the laws of God.  They forget that many girls are here to support their families.  What a horrible thing, I don't even know what to say, sorry



[giant quote redacted]
« Last Edit: 17 October 2023, 03:51:46 pm by amy »

amy

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Re: Stupid question or not ?
« Reply #7 on: 17 October 2023, 03:53:18 pm »
This was not a rape, and the OP has made that clear. That doesn't minimise it or make it OK, but misunderstanding what rape means (either deliberately or not) isn't helpful.

Mirror

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Re: Stupid question or not ?
« Reply #8 on: 17 October 2023, 04:05:22 pm »
Another encouragement towards NUM here. Whilst I do find CE useful (despite being incredibly sceptical at first) I also have received lots of support from NUM support CE cannot provide. Without going off I hear of other sex workers only reporting to CE when there is a ton of support available for them (which is my opinion they fully deserve) at NUM.

Reading your post OP I was shocked, angry, scared because I know I'd be scared in the same situation. If this happenrd to me I'd seek advice from NUM. If he's used someone elses phone that's even worse. When punters step over my boundaries/rules I take it very personally, you deserve support and also this man could do it to others. That's not to diminish you, it's well for many reasons.
« Last Edit: 17 October 2023, 04:12:54 pm by Mirror »

lauren.nico2020

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Re: Stupid question or not ?
« Reply #9 on: 17 October 2023, 04:25:21 pm »
It doesn't matter whether he hurt you - spitting at somebody is assault too!

I mentioned National Ugly Mugs because they can support you and help you decide whether you want to report him to the police or not (they won't make you do anything); a random app where people report punters just for being a bit smelly or leaving the bathroom in a mess is all very well, but a credible organisation which specialises in sex worker support might be a bit more help in a situation like this.

It's awful knowing that you booked a punter in who turned out to be a bastard and I know what it's like to beat yourself up about it afterwards, but it will pass. Do you know somebody who can come round and sit with you for a bit so you're not on your own?

Yes I’ll report it to NUM also, I’ll see what they suggest . Regarding having anyone round, I don’t know many people as I like to keep myself to myself , and as I work nights it’s hard to find someone who will sit whilst I work , most want paying , so it’s easyier to work by myself atm

Js765

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Re: Stupid question or not ?
« Reply #10 on: 17 October 2023, 04:58:35 pm »
Hey everyone , so back story [...]


My beauty, you weren't to blame for anything, you don't need to be ashamed of anything, you were the victim, the one who needs to be ashamed is the aggressor.

Don't feel guilty, you are in a more "defenseless" position and you were certainly afraid and ended up thirsty.

But you're not to blame for anything ok

IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT
« Last Edit: 17 October 2023, 05:05:47 pm by SAAFE »

Mirror

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Re: Stupid question or not ?
« Reply #11 on: 17 October 2023, 05:16:49 pm »
Yes I’ll report it to NUM also, I’ll see what they suggest . Regarding having anyone round, I don’t know many people as I like to keep myself to myself , and as I work nights it’s hard to find someone who will sit whilst I work , most want paying , so it’s easyier to work by myself atm

I may be wrong but I think Amy meant someone when you aren't working. After my robbery I was terrified on my own at night (I mostly work daytime so whenever you are not working). Also do you work from home or do you work from a different property?

English Green

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Re: Stupid question or not ?
« Reply #12 on: 17 October 2023, 05:57:53 pm »
Yes I’ll report it to NUM also, I’ll see what they suggest . Regarding having anyone round, I don’t know many people as I like to keep myself to myself , and as I work nights it’s hard to find someone who will sit whilst I work , most want paying , so it’s easyier to work by myself atm

I used to find working nights brought out more drug and drunk user type clients so i personally don't like seeing clients past 8ish. You can get arseholes in the day too but i just find over all a bit more risky.

Nobody can force you to report to police but NUM can be a great resource not just to report it but someone to chat to about how you feel. I used them before when i got attacked and robbed and they were so good to me.


lauren.nico2020

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Re: Stupid question or not ?
« Reply #13 on: 17 October 2023, 06:36:59 pm »
I used to find working nights brought out more drug and drunk user type clients so i personally don't like seeing clients past 8ish. You can get arseholes in the day too but i just find over all a bit more risky.

Nobody can force you to report to police but NUM can be a great resource not just to report it but someone to chat to about how you feel. I used them before when i got attacked and robbed and they were so good to me.

I work in a diffrent property , but have my kids thru the day, so nights always worked for me xx

Miss.minx

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Re: Stupid question or not ?
« Reply #14 on: 18 October 2023, 09:24:46 am »
Hey everyone , so back story , I saw a customer tonight, I don’t see guys on drugs as it’s just not my cuppa tea, anyways tonight one had slipped thru. He came in and pulled a bottle of JD out his jacket and a bag of sniff. I instantly knew this was going to be a long 30 mins , anyways long story short , he really made me feel uneasy and kept saying don’t take him for a dick head even tho I wasn’t. Whilst giving him a service I stupidly let him be ontop of me and whilst trying to insert his …. Into me unprotected he was calling me a dirty whore and grabbed me by my neck and then put his hand over my mouth.. I stupidly allowed him to do this to keep him calm, and I just want to point out he never tried anything in the sence of rape etc, but the fact he kept saying don’t take him for a dickhead and he put his hand over my mouth and neck , I totally feel violated, like totally.
I guess I’m just wondering what other girls would have done in this situation. I’m really not sure how I feel about it, but it’s ruined my night of work and I had a cry. I’m not sure if I’m more angry that I’ve allowed him to violate me or the fact I froze up and instead of telling him straight I tried to just keep him calm for the 30 mins.
After he had miraculously cum with a softy , he left fine , and I said good buy, but I’m beating myself up on what I should have said to him. So I’m interested to find out how others would have coped or what they would have said . Hope this doesn’t sound to dumb

I'm so sorry this happened to you :( your experience hits hard because I have had so many experiences like this where I spend hours, weeks, months, even years wishing I had reacted differently and beating myself up for making a decision that at the time felt like the safest option. I hope you do report him to the police because these idiots only act like this because they are relying on us being too scared to approach police. If you dont want to out yourself to police (100% totally understandable) then you can listen to some youtube calming meditations specifically related to letting things go and forgiving yourself (that's what I did but tbh I'm still struggling really really hard with it) just sucks we have to deal with this crap but you live and learn and the important thing is you're safe now. Lots of love xxx