similar to "do you ever feel upset" thread

[TheLittleMatchGirl]

as above, I mean in relationships (started post escorting) does anyone else feel slightly "degraded" or at the least that this kind of job changes things?

[arabelle]

This job has definitely changed things for me. Not necessarily badly though, when it comes to sex with someone in my private life.  It has made some of it more difficult, in some ways, but I think I'm at a point where (partly because of this work) I'm only willing to sleep with a man I have strong feelings for, who I feel respected by, where the sex is very equal and loving.   

Do you mean feeling degraded by your bf/partner?

x

[TheLittleMatchGirl]

thank you for reply possibly more by myself, its hard to explain, I feel like my eyes have just been openend so much n even the nicest of men I can see through it all and that its all tainted and really sad now..like its (theyre) all just so conceited..like its not real, the whole relationship shiz and its just people tryin to fool/control people...does that make sense?xx

[arabelle]

Yeah it makes sense.  I am probably more cynical now, or maybe not cynical but definitely have a different perspective.  I've only been back at this work for about 6 months, but for a number of reasons it's quite a different experience this time.  I don't know, like others said in other thread, taking care of yourself is very important.  Too much everything seems shit, you need time to be totally yourself and truly enjoy things and sort of nourish your heart and soul.  Sorry if that sounds a bit too airy fairy!  I think it's true though.

I do believe that you can find real, true, totally honest relationships that aren't about control.  They are about respect and love and sharing things in life.  I, sadly, don't think that's the norm, but it does exist.  I sort of think we might be more open to those kind of relationships because you become good at picking up on the vibe of a man x

[happyhappyjoyjoy]

 It's really hard to not generalise about men and relationships in this job which can make it feel oh so helpless but there are alot of decent, kind and respectful blokes out there and as long as you respect yourself you should find someone who respects you to x

[xw5]

I think you can be as degraded as you want / allow yourself to be.

It's not just men who can be difficult to trust, of course. Thirty-odd years ago, a UK hospital looked at the blood groups of the babies born there and their parents, and concluded that a big chunk - memory is telling me that it was at least a quarter - could not possibly be the child of the man named as the father on the birth certificate. Modern DNA testing could only increase the figure, of course, but even the lower one was deemed to be too explosive to publish. Plus look at the number here who are not telling their partners just what is going on!

So now your eyes are fully open to the extent of 'cheating', are you going to insist on monogamy in any future relationship or allow for the possibility that it may not be?

[happyhappyjoyjoy]

I honestly do not believe that 100% monogamy works. Considering as women we choose to do something which is outside societies norms for whatever reason but we still want other people to stick to those norms for us?

[Cassidy Star]

I honestly do not believe that 100% monogamy works. Considering as women we choose to do something which is outside societies norms for whatever reason but we still want other people to stick to those norms for us?

Oh how very well said.  I'm married and would be absolutely devastated if hubby played around.  We do have a very open relationship though and have shared experiences together as a couple sexually with others. 

I think it's the secrecy we struggle to deal with.  When one person does something behind a loved one's back, then this is a VERY difficult area and one I'm still not comfortable with.  I'm fortunate that I have an understanding and accepting husband for what I do, but it has taken us LOTS of communication and 18 years to get there.

[biscuit]

I can only speak for myself - but this work has certainly changed me...

I have more confidence when dealing with situations in general, and can initiate conversations with people easier than I could before doing this work 

On the flip side...

• I have a harder time trusting ANYONE no matter who they are - EVERYONE is guilty until proven innocent in my book! (well apart from family and close friends )
• I am more guarded and secretive with who I choose to share information with
• I feel a slave to the job sometimes... doing it because I have to not because I choose to - even though I could choose NOT to - its very good money  so it becomes a rollercoaster ride from hell on a continuous loop
• I feel like I'm constantly looking over my shoulder, and having to spin a web of lies - in fear that someone will find out my double life and "OUT" me to the national papers, I'll lose friends and my family will have nothing to do with me
• I feel trapped in a cage that I can't step out of - and wonder if I will ever be able to break free from the life of an escort

So I'd say the work has changed me, but the changes have gradually crept up on me over time, and time will tell if there are yet more changes to come

xxx

[TheLittleMatchGirl]

I think you can be as degraded as you want / allow yourself to be.

It's not just men who can be difficult to trust, of course. Thirty-odd years ago, a UK hospital looked at the blood groups of the babies born there and their parents, and concluded that a big chunk - memory is telling me that it was at least a quarter - could not possibly be the child of the man named as the father on the birth certificate. Modern DNA testing could only increase the figure, of course, but even the lower one was deemed to be too explosive to publish. Plus look at the number here who are not telling their partners just what is going on!

So now your eyes are fully open to the extent of 'cheating', are you going to insist on monogamy in any future relationship or allow for the possibility that it may not be?

Yes heard about this before, it is shocking.
In what way do you mean "allow" for the possibility?  I guess its always a possibility whether you like it or not, I would only want to be in a monogamous relationship though yes, being 25 and wanting kids/marriage it couldn't work any other way for me.
But I definitely dont believe in forever

[Ieaio]

I'd say i'm grateful to have 2 people i can talk to it about, my best friend who actually went into the business too & my boyfriend. But on a family side of things it feels as though they don't know you really not that you want them to know what you do because that would be awkward. Should my parents find out i feel they'd be there for me but i don't rekon they'd understand ro want to dwell on it too much. They know i'm not the kind of person to do 9 - 5 but i guess they couldn't ever wrap their heads around the idea that yes... there are "happy hookers" so to speak. There are many negatives but so many more positives to doing what we do.

Relationship wise, i'd say my boyfriend and i are just the same which is great and i suppose unusual. With him 4 years before i went into this so i suppose if anything was going to change it doesn't have much leeway we're so set in our ways with each other and i have no complaints on that side of things apart from perhaps he resents the amount of money i make. I have told him, you can have sex with who you want because i don't believe in monogamy... he believes in it and he has yet to sleep with anyone but i wouldn't mind if he did, feels healthier that way i believe but not for everyone i must admit as well.