Ive been doing this for about 2 months. Long story short,  Im 20 years old and had sex for the first time 4 months ago. It was pretty awful but I guess from that moment sex wasnt a big deal for me. So when i found myself in financial difficulty, I decided to go for it and try this job. It was okay at first, I didnt really mind it. But the first "agency" I worked for pushed me into a lot of things I wasn't keen on. eg. I thought you had to give oral without a condom. So I decided to try things on my own. Its just over the last few weeks I realised I cant get through a book without being somewhat intoxicated. Moreover, I dont actually enjoy the sex, I cant get aroused at all. Most clients get annoyed when I pull the lube out or when they feel that im not wet or whatever so now I feel like im not even doing the job properly. Im just thinking a lot and im feeling ruined. I thought this would be empowering as a feminist or whatever but instead I just feel dirty and hate myself. The problem is that the money is good. I have nothing useful on my CV which means if i leave this work, Im stuck earning minimum wage which isnt really appealing. I think im just confused.

not even sure im posting this on the right section. Guess I just needed to rant a bit

The bit I would be concerned about is the

Its just over the last few weeks I realised I cant get through a book without being somewhat intoxicated

part, because as well as not doing you any good (including making your safety harder to maintain) it's very probably affecting the quality of the service.

There are plenty of escorts who don't enjoy the sex - most of the men moaning about the lube don't realise that the reason Ms X is wet is that she's inserted the lube before the booking started.

But if you are actively loathing the work and, worse, yourself for doing it, it's likely to be a downward spiral if you continue like this.

Is cam work an option? It comes with its own issues, but you don't have the bits of escorting it looks like you really are not ready for.

I agree with all PPs.

It sounds like your first experience of sex may have been quite traumatic (non-consensual in part or full?) and I would be concerned that you have gone into sex work in an attempt to reclaim the power and control you may feel you lost at that time. While sex work can be empowering, I really don't think it will work as a way to just plaster over a bad experience.

It may be your best course of action is to think about your first experience and why it was bad, and then set out to give yourself good, loving experiences with caring partners so that you can experience great sex that is part of a relationship (even if just friends with benefits) rather than the transactional experience of sex work. Yes there are lots of good, caring clients but at the end of the day they are paying you to service them and that means that most of them are not overly concerned with your welfare or feelings.

I am in my forties and I don't think I'd have had the experience and confidence - in the bedroom and just life in general - to have gone into sex work at your age. I would have been at risk of being taken advantage of because I didn't have any experience of setting and enforcing boundaries.

Okay since you are new to this I will give you a few pointers to try help you get thru bookings, but remember you never ever have to do anything more than you are comfortable with. (Just because another escorts do something, doesn't mean you have to also)

Firstly don't drink before a booking, you are making yourself more vulnerable to being abused and your defences are much lower, therefore it takes you longer to assert yourself if something is not right.

Secondly lube up before the client arrives, or when they are in the shower, that's what I do, send them off to the shower, hide the cash and lube up and get out of my dressing gown.

Thirdly never do anything you don't want to do, screw the agency. Work for yourself and set your own boundaries. Make up a new name for yourself and never tell clients the truth about your personal life.

Always get the cash upfront and don't be afraid to ask for it either and go with your gut instincts, if a client sounds off on the phone, then trust yourself and refuse their booking, just say you are fully booked and to ring back tomorrow, then block their number or save as do not answer.

Lastly and I don't mean this in a bad way, but you are very young, with little experience of a healthy sexual relationship, maybe you should reconsider taking a minimum wage job, yes you won't make near as much money but you don't sound happy doing this and that shows during your bookings pet. Can you offer cam work and fone sex as a way of getting by also, without having to meet clients, or massage with a happy ending so your not having full sex with them. I know there is no way I could have done this job in my 20's, for me it is about self confidence and knowing I have the experience to make men feel good in bed. Plus I genuinely enjoy it.

The very best of luck and do what's right for you xx

Nat

thank you for all your responses.  I appreciate the advice. Ill be sure to think things through and make some changes.

Yes, if you need drink or drugs to get through bookings, you need to stop now. Money isn't everything.

Ive been doing this for about 2 months. Long story short,  Im 20 years old and had sex for the first time 4 months ago. It was pretty awful but I guess from that moment sex wasnt a big deal for me. So when i found myself in financial difficulty, I decided to go for it and try this job. It was okay at first, I didnt really mind it. But the first "agency" I worked for pushed me into a lot of things I wasn't keen on. eg. I thought you had to give oral without a condom. So I decided to try things on my own. Its just over the last few weeks I realised I cant get through a book without being somewhat intoxicated. Moreover, I dont actually enjoy the sex, I cant get aroused at all. Most clients get annoyed when I pull the lube out or when they feel that im not wet or whatever so now I feel like im not even doing the job properly. Im just thinking a lot and im feeling ruined. I thought this would be empowering as a feminist or whatever but instead I just feel dirty and hate myself. The problem is that the money is good. I have nothing useful on my CV which means if i leave this work, Im stuck earning minimum wage which isnt really appealing. I think im just confused.

not even sure im posting this on the right section. Guess I just needed to rant a bit

Try and create a different persona that way you are separating you from your work, do not worry about not enjoying it, most girls don't but do not show your cliens that you are not enjoying it, just smile and think about the money at the end of it.

As for your lube situation, slip some up there 5 minutes before a client gets there, they wont be any the wiser.

if you need to drink and be tipsy during a booking, i would say think about it if you can not change your mindset then it is best you step away before you end up with worse problems.

It is not an easy job it is very taxting more mentally than anything else, but remember you are an indie, you can set your own pace and decide on what you want to do and what you do not want to do, or who you want to see or who you do not want to see. 

For me it was empowering, it made me a stronger more independent woman not just mentally but in so many ways.

I wish you luck but if you are finding it hard reconsider it is not for everybody no matter how good the money can be.

I never lube up before the booking, I do apply during if needed which is not uncommon. I don't make a fuss about it, I just reach for the bottle which is either a small travel size, or if incall could be a medium sized pump dispenser. I do it in an unobtrusive way during foreplay or intercourse, don't make a huge thing about it and it just becomes quite normal.

I'm wondering if you feel ashamed of using it?That's something I went through, then I just decided to hell with it, I'm using it for my comfort and it's important for condom safety so I'm not going to feel inadequate about it.

Yes if you have to drink, or use drugs that is not a good place to be in.