I generally don't see a huge problem in having relationships while escorting. But I'm also living a quite special lifestyle, most of my friends are from the pro-sex, kinky, poly-sexual, BDSM, sexworker community and I never tried to have a monogamous relationship in my life. Although even if I'm polyamorous its important for me that my partners understand that my work is my work, I fuck people at my work but its never the same as when I fuck lovers in my private life.
However, even with all this openness in sexuality and liberal standards I just had an experience which I would never have seen coming but looking back, it's maybe not that big of a shocker what happened.
I just broke up with my boyfriend, we were friends, then lovers then in a couple and he knew from the beginning about my job. He was very positive about me being an escort, his a political activist, supporting feminism and all that stuff. In the beginning, I was super happy about his attitude towards my work, I also felt like that he understood that the sex I had with other people than him as a private person was personal and the sex I had with clients was work. So my dates privately was a mutual decision, something we could discuss and work with together if jealousy occurred and stuff, my work was unnegotiable from the beginning.
I felt like he understood that, I felt so lucky to have a man supporting my work as much as he did -I'm bisexual and I always felt that there was more friction w jealousy when I've been with men than with women.
But he got more and more involved concerning my job, he was always discussing sex work with all his friends, telling about me and how important he thinks my fight is -I'm a feminist, activist and hundred percent out of the closet, I use a lot of time on political work concerning feminism and sex work, besides the fucking which I also regard as feminist.
He was super interested in everything about my work, always asking me about, always talking about, sharing links about it on his facebook. He started to become more and more suggestive, to question my choices about my fees and my marketing, in a way that by the first look it seemed supporting because yeah he was a feminist as well and an alley in my fight for sexual liberation.
In the end, I felt like my work was present in most of the time and conversations we shared, and I got fed up trying to explain a guy that knew nothing about sex work really, why I took this and that professional choice. He started to become so involved, so many questions, suggestions, and opinions about my choices. I felt like I suddenly was running a business with a partner, and Im independent of a really good reason, if I ever would dream of sharing my business with somebody it would have to be with another fierce sex worker (which is impossible because of the laws where I live but that's another discussion)
His overly energetic advocating for my work and for fight started to seem possessive to me, I felt trapped by his interest in my work and fucking bored by having to use that much of my offtime discussing my job. But I was also confused because you know, he was supportive, he was pro sex work, he never told me not to do it, actually he seemed like he was clapping his hands because I was doing it.
In the end it became too much for me and I told him he had to back down and let me do my work independently like I have been doing for three years now, also because I didn't wanted to be his sex worker girlfriend, I wanted to be his girlfriend and have time off when I saw him. He didn't really get the message and I broke up with him last week, not only because of this, there were other arbitrary things too.
Today I am looking back at it and I feel ambivalent. My intuition really told me that his behavior was possessive, that his exaggerated interest in my job was a way for him to deal with it, a way to keep having some kind of control in the situation. I am ambivalent because everything that happened was served as being support for me. But in the end, it felt more like control than support. But criticizing it makes me feel like I'm an ungrateful bitch, at least he never talked bad about my job, actually only positive and maybe I'm just spoiled for not giving him this room to deal with it in his way (dealing with it = talking about it all the time) But I just really felt like this was yet another man I met who tried to control me. I hate this feeling of not being able to allow myself to trust my intuition totally, but breaking up was definitely the right thing to do, that I know.
