I'm on the fence with this myself.  But I know working girls who have been married for 22 years. But her husband was a swinger before anyway. I have taken an excerpt from her about the topic. She is a very wise lady and I think this will help a lot of ladies. Plus I don't think it could be said any better-or more thorough.


Soooooo you want to be in a relationship and still be a provider? Ok well gather round....

You have met Mr. Wonderful....should you tell him or not? Let's take a journey...but before I start.....

GROUND ZERO!! NO HOBBYIST IS EVER GOING TO STICK AROUND FOR A RELATIONSHIP!!!! I am talking about civilian men NOT HOBBYIST THAT DOES NOT EVER WORK. They are in love with the illusion NOT YOU.

If you are stuck on a hobbyist....no need to read any further. You are a train wreck waiting to happen.

Moving right along to the real world.

1. Always be very honest, he may worship the very ground you walk on and drink your dirty bath water, but he is not going to have his pride toyed with. If he has to find out you are a ho, he will loose his mind. If you tell him up front he may still loose his mind, but you will avoid being in love with him when he does flip out....and he will never say you lied to him. Give him the choice to run for the hills, or stay.

2. Never EVER NEVER EVER NEVER EVER brag about anything your clients may do for you. If a client buys you roses toss them in the dumpster, or give them away, same with a card, or any gift like that....THROW IT OUT. Why.....bc those are intimate gifts and some things should be reserved for just him to do for you. I don't care if a client flies you from here to Japan... tell your man, you bought the tickets yourself and went on tour. Do not challenge his manhood with expensive gifts your client bought you. Give them away, pawn them, or refuse to accept them. DO NOT PUT YOUR MANS PRIDE IN THE LINE OF FIRE! He is the PROVIDER IN YOUR HOUSE....not a client. As ironic as that may sound he is...do not BRING HOME AN EXPENSIVE GIFT. You may be able to more than cover all your bills..and then some, but split the bills..SPLIT THE BILLS. If you leave him feeling like you don't need him for shit...you are breeding a cheater. Men are wired to take care of home finacially...split them bills...and on his days ie...birthday, Christmas, Holidays....lavish him! I bought mines A CAR, custom golf clubs, country club memberships, rare wines. lavish vacations. AGAIN DO NOT PAY ALL YOUR HOUSEHOLD BILLS!!! AGAIN DO NOT EVEN OFFER TO PAY ALL YOUR BILLS. AGAIN DO  NOT PAY ALL YOUR BILLS........I don't care if he is flat broke when he is done paying his half...SPLIT THE BILLS. Are we clear? NEVER EVER NEVER TAKE OVER EVERYTHING IN YOUR HOUSE YOU SHARE WITH HIM....EEEEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEERRR.

3. NEVER EVER NEVER EVER EVER.....talk about a clients sexual techniques with an SO. Even if the client is the worst OR BEST thing ever in bed....do not discuss it with you SO. I beg of you to NEVER EVER SAY A WORD....when life events happen death in the family, family celebrations, or your SO has an evening planned.....close up shop. You cannot be super ho and have an SO. I had one girl talking crazy as hell. Her father in law was deathly ill and she WENT ON A CRUISE  with a client saying they needed the money. She is now divorced and childless.

4. If you do not do certain sex acts with your SO....PLEASE DO NOT DO THEM WITH A CLIENT....esp one who reviews...HUGE NO NO! ie....if you do duos....you better be prepared to bring another bitch home from time to time. If you really don't like being a provider, being a married provider who does not like being a provider is a breeding ground for DRAMA. Just like we are open minded when clients come up with their crazy fantasies, please understand MEN ARE MEN......

5. If you have a stalker potential client...HANDLE THAT. NIP IT AT THE BUD.  Do not have your SO get involved....a stalker client is crazy, a protective SO is a prison-ready, territorial, crazy, lunatic.

6. When you are with your SO on a date with him turn off your bat phone, don't answer any emails, or anything hobby related. GO ON A REAL VACATION WITH HIM /HER AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT TURNING IT INTO A TOUR!

7. If you dress to kill when you are working, dress to MASS MURDER when you go out with your SO. DRESS SO WELL YOU LOOK LIKE A RUN WAY MODEL.

8. If you wear lingerie for a client.....knock yourself out with your own man. I never wear heels during a session. I have a full collection for my husband. I have ho (work) lingerie and I have a whole other drawer full of what my hubby likes. I would rip a clients ass apart for even attempting to spank my ass or pull my hair. I gets it spanked and my hair pulled almost every night AT HOME.

9. In September we will celebrate our 22nd anniversary and at times my ole man still struggles with me being a ho. Almost 21 of those years I have been a ho. So they never stop worrying, bc they know how men are. The one time I ended up in a fist fight with another bitch during a session...I told my close friends exactly what happened but did not go there with him, he would have thought a client did that to me.

10. Do not lie about your level of service...ie don't tell him you are a cmt only and you are actually a porn star QUEEN.

11. If the relationship goes further....and kiddies are in the plans....take some years off..... or go so UTR you drop off the public face of the planet for some YEARS....Y_E_A_R_S bc being a wife and mother is VERY demanding....plus your SO may refuse to share a wife who is now the mother of his kid, where he would share a gf. You get arrested and all the kids will tease your babies until you have to stomp them and their MAMMIES!! Your family comes first....there will always be someone with a stuffed envelope......there won't always be a first step, a first tooth, or a first few years of marriage to be blissful. Cultivate your marriage, it is HARD work. The hardest thing you will ever do...esp if you want it to last. Plus it takes YEARS to train a man.....I know it sounds funny, but it is true. I will not go through all this BULLSHIT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH WITH ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKER....if mines dies TODAY....I will be alone.

12. Be VERY careful of your finances.......loads of men will waltz in your life and they will love you to death STRAIGHT to the ATM machine. As soon as he starts acting like he should manage you, or like he needs to cut back on his work hours bc you "need" him to help you run your business......WALK...no run! Get out of the relationship, he has this all twisted. He has turned himself into a pimp. If you needed a pimp I am sure you could go find yourself one.

Z said something a longggg time ago that stuck with me ...3 things that are totally useless:

1. plumbing that is clogged
2. a car that wont run
3. and a man that will not work

She is a funny mess but that is so true. A man who WON'T work is not worth a damn!

Even the Bible says: A man who won't work shouldn't EAT. Don't feel the slightest bit like it will EVER work out if he is NOT working.....it will never work...men need a damn job!!! It messes with their self esteem if they are not working... self esteem is a remedy for a cheater, a beater, and a flat out BUM!

13. Keep your SO out of stuff like Meet and Greets, and from hanging around all your HO friends....esp girls who don't know YOU well. Why? CLIENTS TALK TOO FUCKING MUCH...they will sit right at a party and talk about how good you suck dick, even my SO does not want to hear that shit!....unless you enjoy bailing him out of jail....from punching a client in the face....just don't bring him to a Meet and Greet.....AND ALL YOUR HO FRIENDS MAY NOT KNOW YALLS RULES....or think your SO is a client. I would hate to read on the boards that you got banned from meet and greets bc some chick was all over your dude and you had to check her in front of clients...then you are in the middle of mass DRAMA.

*****Furthermore, most of our SO's are physically attractive and more our age...so you waltz in with this fine ass YOUNG man and intro him as your dude...around a bunch of old ass bald headed out of shape men......not good for business******

There is a THICK ASS line between **** and Me. There are very few hobbyist anywhere who knows what my hubby looks like. My hubby has done couples sessions with me, the clients never knew we were in fact married. Very few of my ho friends know what he looks like.  I love my ho friends to death, but when my hubby is at home I am not on it with yall. HE IS MY NUMBER ONE PRIORITY. The hobby will soon end for me as far as being a provider......I am in my marriage until one of us lowers the other in the ground. If he is sick I am not on the boards, not answering my phone, not even thinking about talking to a client, none of yall, none of that...at the end of the day it is me and him, not me him and a review. If your SO does not feel like a priority....he will RESENT the entire scene....you need to work...but you have to balance your ho life and your real deal. Pile some kids into the relationship and it is full time.

14. last one I swear.............my biggest pet peeve!

You are a provider.......NOT A DOOR MAT. I WISH Ron would swear at me, scream at me, or heaven help us all if he EVER PUTS HIS HAND ON ME. Fuck that shit I am going to death row. In 22 years he has never ever hit me. I can count on one hand all the times he has raised his voice, I can count on one hand all the times I have called him out of his name in anger or screamed at him....I have called him a male chauvinist pig......even then it HAS never been a screaming match . I don't give a hell what I do at night for a living...I will not tolerate being disrespected...it makes my blood boil.

Excuse me while I help some ladies please...for those of you who insist on thinking you somehow deserve or need to be in abusive relationships.

Baby it is YOUR SELF ESTEEM...not his....FIND YOUR BACK BONE!!! Don't allow a man to put his hands on you and think you deserved it or you caused it or "hey I am a dick sucker" so he is the best I can get...if I have learned nothing else in the 20+ years I have been doing this Ho's do not go hungry, we do not get "stranded" anywhere for too long. If you are getting the beat down at home....make a plan and entrust your very best friends in the ho business and we can help you GET OUT.....when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired you have friends right here who will help you. No matter what the economy is looking like a smart ho WILL ALWAYS BE ABLE TO HUSSLE!

You can do it....my old black ass can pull down 6 figures without blinking. I can walk today and not look back if this man decides to abuse me...I will cry everyday, and be a mess for a longgg time, but I am not hitting material and he is TOO FUCKING HUGE....FUCK ALL THAT CRAZY SHIT.....make a decision that you are a not a door mat, not a punching bag, and not to be treated like anything less than a Queen. You are not to be talked to like you are a child or an idiot.

We are human beings, wives, girlfriends, mothers....tax paying respectable ladies. The ONLY difference between you and that soccer mom who is constantly trying to figure out why you are pushing a Benz is SHE GETS DRUNK AT PARTIES AND SUCKS DICK FOR FREE....YOU CAN SUCK A DICK SOBER AND EARN YOURSELF THOUSANDS.....so don't get it twisted baby girl you are the real deal...you are worth your weight in gold...you are special....beautiful...and above all YOU ARE A WOMAN who deserves to be treated with respect. If you are in the mindset where you don't think you can do any better than a man who will treat you badly because you are a HO...you are sadly mistaken.

I would rather cry all day everyday for the rest of my life  because I am alone, than to spend 15 minutes with my man if he is a disrespectful IDIOT....

A healthy relationship under any circumstances is based on absolute honesty, trust and commitment to making it work. If you meet the right person they will be fine with what you do. If you have to play stupid games with them to pacify them, you're with the wrong person.

I completely agree. 

Sorry but as someone who has also being in a relationship for 4 years and escorting for 2 of those i find myself agreeing with some of the points made in Miss Jamesons post.

Yes of course a healthy relationship is based on trust, honesty etc but facts have to be faced that in the majority of cases if you are in a monogamous, commited relationship outside of the 'job' then working as an escort is going to cause some degree of upset, hurt, suspicion, whatever you want to call it.

I personally wouldn't dream of bringing flowers etc that a client had given me home. Both out of respect from my fiance 'wow honey look at this huge bouquet of flowers that the man who just paid to s**g me gave me today' and also for myself. Namely that my home is mine and my fiances private, personal space and i prefer to leave all reminders of work elsewhere.
In a similar vein yes honesty is important but you have to have the sense to dampen it on occasions for the sake of saving your other half's feelings. I can just imagine me going home and telling my fiance about the great orgasm a client gave me at work (if such a thing were to happen). It would be the quickest way to murder his libido and make him feel inadequate! Why would i want to grind his ego into the ground like that in the name of 'honesty'? 'Emotional torture' would be a better word for it.
I also can see her reasoning as regards to services offered to clients. If your going to let clients do things to you for money but then wont let your boyfriend do the same and he knows it i would imagine a lot of men would get incredibly pissed off. I know i would if the tables were turned! For me (and my fiance) its important that certain acts are kept between me and him and no amount of money offered by clients can change that.

If it works differently for others then good for them but i don't think its fair to rubbish everything Miss Jameson has said. Of course there are things i disagree with, for example saying be prepared to have threesomes with your partner is something i wouldnt want for myself. I would rather pull all my finger and toenails out than see my fiance with another woman.

The right person will not always be necessarily be 'alright' with you being an escort. My fiance is the right person for me and i love him to death and before i worked as an escort we hardly had a cross word in 2 years. Me working as an escort was a financial decision and has caused us a huge amount of pain. He doesn't like the woman he loves having sex for cash and to be honest if he was simply 'OK' with it i think i would find that more upsetting.

I'm not saying for a second that i am right and others are wrong just that different things work for different people and to dismiss Miss Jamesons post as 'awful' is unfair as in my opinion i think shes made some valid points. Yes maybye they go slightly against the grain of being an empowered woman who takes no shit but sometimes when your dealing with human emotions (and especially men's fragile egos) what should be right in theory doesnt always work in reality.

Guys, just a gentle reminder that this topic is quite incendiary at the best of times, so please try to keep calm - I only say this because I just had a ranty post composed in my head that I've only just about managed to squish! I think we all have strong views on this topic, being smart and experienced women, but unless you have some more general/vague/un-emotive advice for the OP, it's probably a good idea to move to PMs or drop the subject of what relationships everyone should be having.

Also: Can we all stop massively generalising men and women?! "Men are hard-wired to want to pay the bills", "men hate their women to cheat on them", "men are apparently simplistic and oafish morons who can't handle complicated emotions or situations", etc, is all a bunch of nonsense unfortunately currently supported by pseudo-science (read: evolutionary psychology). But talking this way about men and women is meaningless. I might as well write an essay called, All Men Like Sausages: A Review Of How Men Evolved To Prefer Meaty Tubes.

To the OP: I think your boyfriend is trying to cope with your work because he wants to continue having hot sex with you, or endless philosophic conversations, or whatever you guys do together. He was probably jarred by your decision to choose work over him - maybe he imagines your romance was fated by the Gods and is surprised that you don't have similar lady-feelings. Either way, nobody here can predict what you should do next. Have you tried going with what feels right?

There are maybe a few men in the world who can really deal with this job. Other you can search for the man who will totally accept it or stay single. Staying single does not mean that you must not have other kinds of relationships only not the one that involves monagamic sex. It's just my point of view, I think of what is best and will be good both for the relations and the work what we do.

Thats a lovely post Paris.  It'd be great if all guys were as well adjusted as your man.  I can still understand why some guys don't like their gfs being paid for sex mind you but still....


And you're not crazy but saying you'd feed his balls to the dogs lol!  You should expect monogamy unless you have agreed on an open relationship imo.     

Sorry but as someone who has also being in a relationship for 4 years and escorting for 2 of those i find myself agreeing with some of the points made in Miss Jamesons post.

I'm not saying for a second that i am right and others are wrong just that different things work for different people and to dismiss Miss Jamesons post as 'awful' is unfair as in my opinion i think shes made some valid points. Yes maybye they go slightly against the grain of being an empowered woman who takes no shit but sometimes when your dealing with human emotions (and especially men's fragile egos) what should be right in theory doesnt always work in reality.

Thank you Ms. Simone, 

But honestly, they're not my thoughts. These are the rantings of a lady who has been married for 22 years that has been there for several ladies when relationships and child custody cases take a turn for the worse. Personally, I have got to loosen up just to GET a boyfriend.  As a single woman, I find this empowering because I'm not a slave to sex or money or the feelings that plague the civvie woman. When I find that special one man, I don't think I will HAVE to do this anymore. I shouldn't have to. But my circumstances are different from a lot of ladies.

Personally, a man too cool with the idea that I'm a WG would kind of scare me a bit, and I would look for his inner pimp to come out at any time. So I have opted to stay relationship free until my set retiring date. I think a man with an understanding is a great asset. I would still hope to find a man that I can talk to about this when it's over, and he can still look at me as a lady capable of being in a relationship (which I'm contemplating even now. I've been too independent for too long and sex is the least of my worries.). But my opinionated friend told me that when I bury Tiffani Jameson, her adventures should cease to exist in my mind. I would hope that wouldn't be the case, but statistically, it's looking that way.


For the record:
*  I agree that relationships aren't SUPPOSED to be a feminist boost at all. It is a shift of the absolute power of "I" into the power of "WE". Considering his feelings towards being a working girl shouldn't be considered 'pacifying' him, just being considerate.
*  Men ARE hardwired to be the providers, in the same way that humans are hardwired to be monogamous. In times like these, more people- good ones at that, are unemployed. It shouldn't stop you from caring for them or finding them attractive, but being a prossie with an unemployed hubby or boyfriend is a recipe for disaster whether you like it or not. A man who loves you WANTS to take care of you. Having to sell your body when he can't provide is a blow to the ego.


I applaud anyone who is making this work while being a working girl. I only hoped that my friend's words would help some of you put things in perspective, from where I had none. I hope there is hope for love for all of us, Lucy.