SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: CLondonGal on 26 May 2017, 09:24:23 pm
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Hello everyone,
I need someone's advice regarding my current situation:
I have seen a client five times - usually once every couple of weeks. The first time was an incall, I asked for the fee before he showered, he stayed for one full hour. Second, third and fourth time were outcalls to his home which is just around the corner from mine. We usually had dinner and then sex for an average of 3 hours in total. He always paid me in the end for those times and only my one hour fee even though he should be paying me for a dinner date. I never complained because things were a bit slow back then, I prefered to have him as a regular and actually enjoyed spending time with him.
On the fifth date this is what happened: we met for cocktails, theatre and dinner. During dinner he said he was quite tired so he wanted to go to sleep straight after - meaning no sex. When we said goodbye there were quite a lot of people around us so I couldn't really complain about the fact that he hadn't paid me without drawing attention to me. I went home and cried for a bit. This client that I trusted made me feel completely used. I spent nearly six hours with him and we even held hands. If I knew I wasn't going to get paid I would have stayed home and worked (I missed two genuine enquiries while I was with him) or spent time with my family or close friends.
I know it might seem silly to be complaining about a guy who took me out for cocktails, theatre and dinner but it's not like we met on tinder. If he wasn't going to pay me he should have said it when he called me.
The next day I told him how I felt and he apologised and he said "I thought you had enjoyed it as much as I did" and that he would give me the money later. I replied with a few things that I already wrote above and didn't hear back from him.
This was Tuesday morning. I haven't heard anything from him but to be honest he's only available to meet me on Mondays and Tuesdays because of his family. I am pretty sure that he is going to pay (I know where he lives and works) but I am also pretty sure that I don't want to see him again. After the way he made me feel I don't think I can enjoy spending time with him anymore.
Anyway I think I am going to send him my bank details on Monday and ask him to deposit my fee. My question is: should I charge him my one hour rate or should I charge him my fee for 6 hours? I think he has taken advantage of me before by only paying me for one hour even though we would spend three to four hours per date and maybe now it's the time for me to stand up for myself and ask for the right fee.
Anyone?
Thank you in advance xx
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I think its going to be difficult at this stage to get the full fee as you set a precedent before by only asking for the fee of one hr which was the sex time. If you aint gna see hime again anyway get what you can out of it and learn not to give away free time. Its ok to ask for a reduced fee for social time which is what i do and the full fee for sex time. I wouldnt have dated him gor free. I could have been earning elsewhere or as you say doing things i wanted to do xx
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This is a common punter mindset - that taking you out for drinks etc. should be pro bono because there's no sex. I've learnt to make it very clear now when I'm invited for a drink that 'my usual rate will apply'. 10 times out of 10 they change their mind and act a little offended. Just ignore it and move on to the next paying gentleman! After all, you wouldn't expect your physio to join you at the bar after your appointment would you? ;)
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I'm not sure how long you have been doing this for, but I suspect you're rather new to it- I think most of us have a moment when we feel ripped off or we've blurred lines or not been clear about what we want. However savvy and in control we feel most of us have made mistakes especially in the early days and it's those experiences that make us better and make us realise that you have to set boundaries and stick to them, get money up front, establish the nature of the booking and never give them more time than they have paid for unless you are clear it is a one off. The nicest, sweetest clients will end up taking the piss or just not realising they are diddling you out of money.
Don't think you are silly at all, he was a using arsehole.
In a nutshell it's a lesson learned. Just don't do it again! :)
I don't think he'll pay you back to be honest; I hope I am wrong. Ask for the full amount, the full 6 hours, you can say as it was social time you will discount from your usual rate. If you get it all excellent, if he gives you some then that's still a small win and if you get nothing then move on and remember not to trust anyone again! Don't bother fighting him over it in case he gets nasty and maybe just say that neither of you should contact the other again.
If he does just ignore and this can be your practise in getting tough! :)
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My advice would be ask for one hour, if he doesn't pay it immediately point out that you have spent a lot of time with him which hasn't been charged.
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This has happened to me with a regular. When he ignored my request for payment he forgot to leave after his visit, I invoiced him. I sent it to his home address! I was absolutely livid! He was none to pleased bit paid immediately. Charge him half of the owed fee of 6hrs ,and let that be a lesson to him ! X
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Thank you all for such great and quick advice.
I will text him on Monday and ask for my 6 hour social rate to be paid into my bank account. I'll explain to him the reasoning behind it and hope that he pays in full.
And you're absolutely right, I haven't been doing this for a long time (in London) but thought that by not charging him my full rate it would mean that he would become a regular and it would pay off in the long run. It backfired but at least it's a lesson that I am learning early in the game :)
It's such a shame that just because we are "sex workers" certain clients think that sex is all they should be paying for.
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Thank you all for such great and quick advice.
I will text him on Monday and ask for my 6 hour social rate to be paid into my bank account. I'll explain to him the reasoning behind it and hope that he pays in full.
And you're absolutely right, I haven't been doing this for a long time (in London) but thought that by not charging him my full rate it would mean that he would become a regular and it would pay off in the long run. It backfired but at least it's a lesson that I am learning early in the game :)
It's such a shame that just because we are "sex workers" certain clients think that sex is all they should be paying for.
If he doesn't pay you at all (its a possibility) then would you go to his work or is that bad? Depending on what he works as then you could claim to be a client? Its very indiscreet I know but he would deserve it if he doesn't pay you ANYTHING.
ALWAYS take the money first no matter how well you think you know the client, remember they think they know us but they don't really so it works the same with us thinking we know them.
Hope you get the cash xx
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I think you should cut your losses and ask for the 1 hour or 2 hours if you feeling lucky. If you ask for 6 hours, with no sexual contact there is no chance he will pay. At least it covers the 2 clients you lost whilst you were out with him and you make something, instead of nothing
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I think you should cut your losses and ask for the 1 hour or 2 hours if you feeling lucky. If you ask for 6 hours, with no sexual contact there is no chance he will pay. At least it covers the 2 clients you lost whilst you were out with him and you make something, instead of nothing
Exactly...I doubt you'll get the full fee either, sounds like he is taking the piss anyway by saying "I thought you enjoyed yourself" as if you shouldn't get paid, he is either delusional and thinks its dating or he knows exactly what hez doing and I think its the latter tbh.
If he doesn't pay you at all then at least meet him from work and if he's married then this will scare the hell out of him because he knows you having nothing to lose by turning up and he has lots to lose, I wouldn't normally suggest this but in this scenario then yes.
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Although I know where he works and lives I wouldn't dare to show up there - it's quite close to where I live as well and I don't want it to get too messy. However, he doesn't know that so that could play in my favour.
I will ask him for my full fee - he then has the option of paying it in full, paying my one hour fee only or not paying anything at all. If he decides not to paying anything I will send him a nasty text but I will probably leave it at that. If I waste too much energy on this idiot I won't be using it in making money which is what matters at the end of the day.
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I agree with the person who said it is most unlikely he will pay for the full time spent if he thought he didn't need to pay anything! Asking for one hour is more reasonable if you hope to get any money from him at all.
The other part is tricky. You know his home and work address and he also knows your home (or in call place) and only you know him, we don't so perhaps you have an idea if he could turn nasty if he opened his door to you unannounced. I assume he is single so no wife around as that would be a huge no, no matter if you lost money.
It would annoy me too but not nearly as much as if I had had sex with him so it could have been much worse.
The best idea could be if you put a note through his door but make it clear you expect to be paid but not in a threatening way, which could turn the situation into something you may regret.
Edited: I typed this before reading your own response above!
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Always, always, always get some/all the money upfront.
There really is nothing else to say.
For the last dinner date example, as you sat down he should have handed you at least the 'social' part of the fee, and then perhaps the sex part later if he felt like it.
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I utterly despise men like this. Fortunately, I've only had a couple that I have had to deal with over the 18 months that I've been doing this job. It's showing total disrespect to you. If you're anything like me, I dislike the majority of men. Of course, there are exceptions - I don't hate them all - but in my experience most men treat women badly and that's putting it politely.
So, why do these men expect your time for free knowing full well what you do? The answer to me is blindingly obvious. It's because they are utter *****!
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I utterly despise men like this. Fortunately, I've only had a couple that I have had to deal with over the 18 months that I've been doing this job. It's showing total disrespect to you. If you're anything like me, I dislike the majority of men. Of course, there are exceptions - I don't hate them all - but in my experience most men treat women badly and that's putting it politely.
So, why do these men expect your time for free knowing full well what you do? The answer to me is blindingly obvious. It's because they are utter *****!
This I think is the nub of this situation and others like it.
Despite being told by clients we are wonderful, gorgeous, fantastic company et al, if it came to a burning building situation we would be the last to be saved. They think we are perfect creatures when they are horny but most (not all) have little respect for us purely because we are doing a job they would hate their own wives or daughters doing.
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I utterly despise men like this. Fortunately, I've only had a couple that I have had to deal with over the 18 months that I've been doing this job. It's showing total disrespect to you. If you're anything like me, I dislike the majority of men. Of course, there are exceptions - I don't hate them all - but in my experience most men treat women badly and that's putting it politely.
So, why do these men expect your time for free knowing full well what you do? The answer to me is blindingly obvious. It's because they are utter *****!
Isn't that because you are dealing primarily with men? I have found it's easy to assume men treat women badly, because I'm mostly only coming into contact with men. Speaking with my other half, who is involved in a company run by men, it seems customers can be similarly demanding, difficult and liberty taking whoever they are dealing with.
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Isn't that because you are dealing primarily with men? I have found it's easy to assume men treat women badly, because I'm mostly only coming into contact with men. Speaking with my other half, who is involved in a company run by men, it seems customers can be similarly demanding, difficult and liberty taking whoever they are dealing with.
I've had same experiences in civvy life unfortunately. I can see what you are saying though :)
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I've had similar situations in the past, actually, a few a lot worse. It lead me to be very professional in the business. I do not go anywhere for free, not even for 5minutes.
I know exactly how you feel and hope you put this behind you very soon xx
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I've had similar situations in the past, actually, a few a lot worse. It lead me to be very professional in the business. I do not go anywhere for free, not even for 5minutes.
I know exactly how you feel and hope you put this behind you very soon xx
Thank you. I keep thinking that it would be a lot worse if we had sex. It's a great lesson to always ask for the money upfront and to make it obvious that I expect to be paid for my time, in and out of the bedroom.
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Hi Becca, i think you may save the situation if you are willing to have a sugarbaby arrangement.
Just forget about asking for money for that evening. But you could meet him again and propose an arrangement, like 500 a week, where you see him as a girlfriend . i feel that's what he is looking for. It would be less stressful for you than straight escorting and he would have to pay in advance on your bank account. Then you would text everyday and meet once or twice. It may work, if you like him enough.
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I'd ask for the 1hour fee, not bother seeing him again and take it as a lesson.
I think it's actually unfair to ask for 6hr fee after it has happened because you are annoyed.... if I was him, I'd be thinking "you didn't tell me before it would cost me 6hrs".... it's the same as going to a hairdresser, asking for a blow dry which costs ?20 and they giving you a full colour, cut, hair mask and asking for ?300 once it's done. Would you pay the ?300 happily?
Always, always discuss the price before a booking. Even if it's social time and sex after, set the price before hand so there is no confusion. E.g., "okay so that 2hr social time at X amount and 1hr private time at X amount"
Never let a client decide when or what to pay you!! You are the boss, you set the price, you set the rules. Obviously be nice about it but you need to be upfront at all times.
And always ask for the money upfront "shall we sort paper work first... business before pleasure" etc
If things go on longer than expected that the money can be sorted when the planned time has finished.
I'm afraid, as shitty as this situation is, I feel you only have yourself to blames. And I'm sure you've learnt from it and won't allow it to happen again :-)
Xxx
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Hi Becca, i think you may save the situation if you are willing to have a sugarbaby arrangement.
Just forget about asking for money for that evening. But you could meet him again and propose an arrangement, like 500 a week, where you see him as a girlfriend . i feel that's what he is looking for. It would be less stressful for you than straight escorting and he would have to pay in advance on your bank account. Then you would text everyday and meet once or twice. It may work, if you like him enough.
Given the type of meetings that we had before it seems like the natural path, right? We even discussed it once very briefly but I don't think he's the sugar daddy type. I've had sugar daddies in the past and they were immediately more generous than him and I'm also not interested in seeing him again.
I'd ask for the 1hour fee, not bother seeing him again and take it as a lesson.
I think it's actually unfair to ask for 6hr fee after it has happened because you are annoyed.... if I was him, I'd be thinking "you didn't tell me before it would cost me 6hrs".... it's the same as going to a hairdresser, asking for a blow dry which costs ?20 and they giving you a full colour, cut, hair mask and asking for ?300 once it's done. Would you pay the ?300 happily?
I understand that and if he had said "oh I'm really sorry, can I meet you today/this week and give you your fee?" when I complained I would only charge him for one hour. However his reply was that he would give me the money later (but when?) and that he thought that I had enjoyed myself as much as him. Not only that but he also didn't reply to my last text.
Even though it's my fault that I am in this situation if he had treated me with respect and tried to make it up to me as soon as I complained I would also extend him that courtesy and charge my one hour fee as before.
I think this is a valuable lesson for me - to always charge for the entire time I am with a client and ask for the money upfront (even if he's a regular) but I also think that it should be a lesson for him - to respect and expect to compensate an escort for her time, regardless of what they are doing together.
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This client was well and truly trying to take the mick. He was delusional enough to think you were there JUST because you liked his company when in fact it is your job and you should've been getting paid. This happened to me about two years ago and I did outcalls with this client so I had his home address, he ignored my email asking for payment politely so I sent him a text, and said very nicely, that I can always come to his home and pick up my fee in person if he likes.
He replied instantly and sent it via bank transfer then attempted to apologise, a few weeks later he tried to book me again but I let him know, I knew he was trying to pull a fast one and that I won't see him again.
You say you have his information, you could say something similar to me, and state if it's convenient you can pick up the hour fee you are owed in person or you can send him an invoice my post. Hopefully this should make him realise you aren't to be messed with and that he is in the wrong. Sometimes with clients like this it's best to be firm, and straight with them so they understand it's not tolerated and hopefully they don't do it again.
I hope you manage to get your fee, If and when you do, make sure you don't see this twat again who clearly doesn't respect you enough to pay for your time. X
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If you're anything like me, I dislike the majority of men. Of course, there are exceptions - I don't hate them all - but in my experience most men treat women badly and that's putting it politely.
Did anything bad happen, Gypsy? hope you're ok xx
OP, if you have not posted the details about this punter on saafe, it might be worth doing so. xx
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Did anything bad happen, Gypsy? hope you're ok xx
OP, if you have not posted the details about this punter on saafe, it might be worth doing so. xx
Yes, I'm okay thank you. I've survived so far ;) xx
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Glad to hear xxx
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I texted him today with my bank details and requested that my fee for the entire time we were together to be paid into that bank account as soon as possible. He said that it was very unreasonable of me and that he was happy to meet me next Monday at my flat and pay for 2 hours of my time regarding last week's encounter.
I think that if he wasn't going to pay he simply wouldn't reply. I also think that he's just trying to see me again and using this money as an excuse...but I could be wrong. I am going to wait till next Monday and once this issue is resolved I'll post his details on the Warning board.
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I texted him today with my bank details and requested that my fee for the entire time we were together to be paid into that bank account as soon as possible. He said that it was very unreasonable of me and that he was happy to meet me next Monday at my flat and pay for 2 hours of my time regarding last week's encounter.
I think that if he wasn't going to pay he simply wouldn't reply. I also think that he's just trying to see me again and using this money as an excuse...but I could be wrong. I am going to wait till next Monday and once this issue is resolved I'll post his details on the Warning board.
He really must think highly of himself!
What's unreasonable is the fact he did not pay you for the time he was supposed to and that he assumed you were there for free.
He may well be genuine and may well see you next Monday but he could also come up with some excuse next week as to why he can't meet and then string you along for as long as he can so be very wary. If you do see him next Monday make sure to get the cash upfront, and finish bang on two hours so he knows you're not one to be messed about again.
Hope it works out. X
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I'm no men hater or anything but if women don't get very assertive, then they will walk all over you. I name it, cowboy punters, they think they can get it all free, they do exist, and you will meet them.