SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: LittleMinx2 on 07 January 2023, 11:38:31 am
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So I've always been fine with receiving small gifts such as chocolates, flowers ect, but over the last year i have been getting stuff that is more expensive. Someone even bought me an expensive gaming laptop. I have been feeling so guilty and just don't know how to process this. How do others cope with receiving larger gifts? I did offer to return it, but they refused. It has been eating at me for quite a while now and not sure how i can get over my feelings of guilt. I never feel guilty over money, as they are paying me for a service, but i feel like i never earned those gifts?
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Stop feeling guilty. There's no need to feel guilt. Without wanting to sound flippant, but this isn't something to waste your time giving a second thought to.
If you are really uncomfortable with clients giving you gifts, either donate them to charity or tell your clients that you would rather they donate the cost of said gift to charity.
Some men believe that by being generous and bringing gifts, it will endear them further and they will receive better service.
Out of curiosity, is there any mention of liking chocolates and flowers on your profile/website? Do you have a wish list? If you have any of these things, I would remove them. And if you don't state any of these things, I would make a point of mentioning that you do not welcome any gifts and politely request that clients take heed of this as refusal often offends.
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Agree with Miffy.
Assuage your guilt by either donating the items to a charity shop or you can re-gift the items to persons who you feel may benefit from them in some way.
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One thing to bear in mind is that even an expensive gaming laptop may not have cost the client much, if anything. Lots of people get access to free stuff or heavy discounts via their work etc.
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Thanks for the replies. I think I will add to my profile that I don't recieve gifts honestly. I don't have a wish list or anything :) the charity thing is also a really good idea!
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I know a way you can release your guilt, I send you my address and you can send them to me, this service is free of charge :)
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I know a way you can release your guilt, I send you my address and you can send them to me, this service is free of charge :)
You funny.
You make me laugh ;D
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Like others say, if you feel guilty and can't get past your guilt, donate them to charity. I personally wouldn't feel guilty a jot, I think we do a demanding job that, though is by the hour well recompensed, is without holiday pay, sick pay, is precarious and sometimes even dangerous (like other jobs can be), is socially stigmatised and incorrectly thought of as easy. I work hard and I'm happy to enjoy whatever little pleasures or perks the job throws my way and I think you should too :)
The only concern I have ever had when receiving more expensive presents is if they come with obligations down the line, a way of emotionally blackmailing me into letting them into my private life or something. Thus far, luckily that hasn't happened, but having said that I've only ever received a small handful of presents in the £200-£400 range, like most people I've mostly just got choccies, books, sometimes perfume, and the odd mid-range dinner (and a once a Wetherspoons breakfast! bless him).
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My Pc and Laptop are both Gifts from a client and my phone is a gift from another who works in a high street chemist and sends me make up and goodies semi-regularly too no guilt here
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I used to feel like this. I also used to feel that I owed them free time, out of hours contact etc etc.
I look at it this way now, when I give a gift what am I expecting in return and would I want the receiver to feel guilty or that they owed me and the answer is no. Perhaps they are trying to buy your affections but so long as your boundaries are clear and they know exactly where they stand it’s just a gift as any other and a token of appreciation for the difference you make to them.