I am in abit of a dilema, I was my ex for 3 years and we broke up last year, [as I began seeing someone else behind his back and I decided to leave my ex for obvious reasons] and we kept in touch on a daily basis as I still loved him and even now even though I am with someone who treats me like a queen I still have feelings for him.

Anyway he is now living in a hostel [as his dad moved in with his girlfriend and his siblings] and there wasnt enough room for him, and hes asked me if he can live with me, BUT i use my apartment for work and I would lose serious ? as he isnt aware I am an escort.

I dont know why but I have a soft spot for him even though he treat me SO badly in our relationship, he lived of me, borrowed money which he never paid back, never took me out, called me racist names,  steal money of me to fund his marijuna habit....I could go on.
I kind of feel guilty, as I am comfortable and he is struggling, even though he has a job and is 26, I am just so confused and just now he has sent me loads of nasty texts calling me a p**i and threatening to have me beaten up [which I dont think he means ] and saying some really horrible things about my looks.
 I feel so rotton as my new man is so good to me, I just dont know what to do

Any advice will be much appriciated. x

OMG, why would you let him into your home? Even if it had no financial impact it sounds like it would be very bad for you mentally. You don't owe him anything, it doesn't sound like he's done anything to deserve your consideration, and you're under no obligation to even keep in touch with your ex, never mind put up with his crap.

In abusive relationships the abuser has patters of behaviour that keep the victim around and feeling like s/he deserves the treatment or should be grateful for every little not-bad thing. I'm not saying that's what's going on here; there's nowhere near enough information to make any judgement, but the fact that he treated you badly and you feel like yo still owe him something makes me wonder. You might want to read up on domestic/emotional abuse to see if anything clicks.

Does your new boyfriend know you are still in contact with this man? (and I call him  that loosely as he doesn't sound worthy of the word from what you have written). If your new partner really does 'treat you like a queen' then surely he deserves better than to be put in the middle of all this?
Good, decent men are hard to find in this world, appreciate the good relationship you have now and devote your time to helping it grow. Change your phone number if needs be so your ex cannot contact you and have NOTHING more to do with him. Why would you even want to be in contact with such a horrid, disrespectful man? Also imagine if you stayed in touch with him and he somehow found out you were an escort? He sounds the type who would take great pleasure in taking that knowledge and using it to ruin your life if it suited him.

I was going to write exactly the same thing. Yes, your ex clearly has lots of issues and clearly needs lots of help. But I think that the help should be from professionals; he's shown you already that he is abusive and emotionally messed up so it would only be harmful to both of you if you continue to be involved in his life.

Like Simone, I'd say that instead of 'helping' your ex (although, depending on the drug problems and emotional problems that he has, it would probably be better termed 'enabling', because once someone gets to a certain point in their behaviour it really can only be addressed by professionals - seriously!), you should consider cutting him off entirely.

I've let people go from my life for much less. If someone creates more negativity than positivity in your life, then it is foolishness to keep them in it. And especially since he's made threats to you! You REALLY need to take care over your personal safety, and getting the hell away from an abusive ex is always a good idea.

If you feel that you are still somehow 'connected' to him, or that you are having conflicting feelings, it could be that you are still experiencing the effects of the abusive relationship even though it ended a while ago and you have someone new (and nice) now. There's a reason why, for example, beaten wives return to their abusive husbands over and over again, and why miserable relationships in general can continue for far longer than is healthy for the people in them. Have you considered seeking perhaps a little bit of counselling? You could also take the chance to get advice on your situation (asking professionals how they might be able to help him, rather than risking your ex's horrible reactions to suggesting professional help to him) which might help soothe your urge to help him, without exposing you to further abuse from him.

Whatever you do, just please stay safe. If you know anyone in your real life that you can discuss this situation with (current boyfriend, family, trustworthy friends etc) then it might help to have a chat with them; I'm 100% certain that anyone you talk to who cares about you will counsel you to cut your ex off rather than risk your safety and sanity trying to help/enable him, and you might even find that someone else has experience of surviving an abusive relationship (abusive doesn't always have to mean hitting/physical violence, after all) and they can give you a helpful perspective on this situation.

This is a tricky situation. It is so easy for us all to say stay away from him. As someone who spent years in an abusive relationship I know how hard it can be to cut all ties as we convince ourselves (thanks to them constantly instilling how unworthy we are) that we care for them, that we do need them in our lives.
The best advice I can offer is to seek help from someone who is trained to deal with this type of situation.
They will help you to make the right decision for youself.
JUst do keep in mind until then that his abuse via text is just another way of trying to undermine your self confidence and to keep you in contact with him.
The guilt side is another aspect they are good at working on. Poor him, living in a hostel.... It is his choice. He works so could afford to find somewhere if he chose to do so but he wont as he thinks you will be there to support him again.
You had enough self espect to leave him, now you need to find the strength to remove him from your life completely. Believe me once you have, you will feel a thousand times better

Hi all,
Thanks alot for the advice,
My new boyf  is aware were in contact and like everyone else I know advises me to cut of contact with him as he really is a nasty piece of work, the thing with my ex is that he refuses to acknowledge he has any problems and when I suggest professional help he says I am the one who needs help just throws abuse at me,

I just cant believe how nasty he is towards me, after everthing I  have done for him I am just shocked at how he things its acceptable to treat me, even though he has never hit me the verbal abuse is just as bad and hurtful and I totally agree with everyone I do need to cut him out my life, my new man is so loving and kind.

If he refuses to get help that's absolutely not your problem, but if you keep talking to him then I guess he's technically right and you do need some yourself! If you need a bit of counselling to help you deal with whatever's stopping you from cutting him off, do it. It'll probably also help you to avoid getting entangled if you meet another nasty piece of work in the future.