I've been offering bdsm recieving for a while and I always thought I was ok as long as the guy had good feedback and we agreed a safe word beforehand,I always use my own handcuffs too so I can get out of them easily if theres a problem but recently I get more terrified everytime I do one of these bookings.I had this guy who met me in a dungeon and I was scared shitless when I saw some of the equipment that was there and although he didn't actually hurt me,he ignored the safeword-I used it quite a lot because I didn't know what half the equiptment was and I wanted to know before he used it on me but he wouldn't tell me and just used it anyway...I've heard some pretty horrenduos stories too.I dunno why I'm suddenly feeling like this though-I had a really hardcore bdsm guy when I first started who talked about killing me but I actually didn't feel that unsafe with him because he stopped immediately everytime I used the safe word and reassured me he would never actually hurt me...then the other day I had a guy who just wanted to do rope bodage on my breasts and that was it,my hands were free and everything but for some reason I was terrified!so do you think subbing is any more dangerous than other kinds of escorting-a non escort friend of mine seems to think those kind of guys are woman haters,do you agree or am I just getting paranoid?

Offering any type of sexual service is dangerous if you don't organise your safety and security properly; a properly arranged sub booking and preferably with somebody else on the premises (certainly if you plan to let clients restrain you in any way) is a lot safer than swanning off to a total strangers home on an ordinary outcall without doing any security checks or having a buddy to call in and out with.

What you're not doing is either screening your clients properly or being assertive enough when they cross the boundaries; I don't know how many times we have to go on repeating that Adultwork feedback is largely meaningless when it comes to safety and is certainly no substitute for a proper security buddy who knows exactly where you are, what you're doing and (as above) can be present within earshot when necessary. If a punter ignores your limits, you terminate the appointment there and then, explain clearly why and don't see them again. If you're 'terrified' though it's simple - these jobs are obviously not for you, so stop doing them.

And for the record, I've offered these sorts of bookings on and off for years, and the only two punters I've ever met who I would genuinely describe as 'women haters' were standard GFE types, not the dom clients. Mr Dungeon wouldn't have lasted five minutes.



EDIT: Yeah, what Ian said

Hi TT, I offer mainly pro sub services and I can say honestly say that I have only ever had 3 'bad bookings' in the 2 years that I have been escorting. These are the things I always do to try to stay safe (some of them might be obvious I am not trying to patronize you!)

1. I will only recieve any kind of bdsm from a client with feedback
2. Speak to them on the phone and talk about exactly what they want to do in the booking, make sure they know your boundaries.
3. You could also exchange a few emails re a session
4. Check the warnings and wasters section on here
5. I always make them book online on adultwork (I always think if someone has something to hide they will refuse also if something nasty did happen the IP address etc could be traced)
6. have your own toys and restraints that you are comfortable using. Also practice escaping from the restraints if you absolutely had too
7. Never let a client use rope on you (the only time I have had rope used on me is when it has been on film and there is more than one person in the room) the reason I say this is that even with a 'nice' client, if they tie the wrong knots or too tightly it can be dangerous.
8. Safe words - I always use a traffic light system that I explain to the client at the start, Green - I like it! More please! Amber - You are getting close to my limits. Red- Stop immediately. Any good dom with an ounce of respect for you will not be aiming to get you to say red, your safe word is supposed to be the last resort.
9. If you are gagged make sure you have a hand signal as your safe word
10. trust your instincts, if the guy gives you the creeps don't take the booking.

sorry I am going on....

I also always have a buddy/my partner in close proximity to the booking, I text to say I got there safe or the client arrived etc then send a text at the end saying that I am safe and the client has left etc (I use a code that the client could not possibly know)

Be assertive, you might be submissive but that doesn't mean you have to be a doormat.

I am sure otther ladies can add to this, these are just some of the things that I like to do for my own peace of  mind

sorry for the essay 

@ op - i think you shouldn't do anything that makes you feel how you've described - while mind games are part of bdsm/D/s play and can be fun, you should never really be scared of your top/Dom or any partner whether they are paying or not.  It may be that being tied/restrained in any way has triggered something for you, which is always a possiblity with any bdsm activity that puts you in a vulnerable place. 

I have just started out with escorting and I do offer my services as a submissive.  I find that there aren't a lot of guys who are contacting me who are seriously into bdsm - but there are some and indeed my first client was a serious fetishist. 

I don't do outcalls where restraint is used if I am on my own with a client and always discuss limits/boundaries/level of experience/knowledge of safety issues and safe words.  The main potential issue is not the experienced player, who is well aware of all these issues and happy to negotiate, but the guy who has played online and has no idea how to go about dominating you in real life.  These are the guys who think that to remove a nipple clamp you can just pull!!!!  (doon't try this at home lol)

But there are definite risks involved and they have to beconsidered every time you meet someone, whether you have played with them before or not.  Even the most experienced Dom has an off day and can make mistakes when playing with their partner, so you have to be prepared to deal with it. 

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Mairead

This thread is really interesting as I had a message from a guy on AW who wanted to take me to a dungeon and I was wondering what I'd need to safety wise - so thanks  .

I had a booking with a guy who initially said he wanted me to allow myself to be tickled throughout the booking, apparently in a 'gentle' and 'sensual' way, which I would be fine with and made no mention of tying me up or anything of the sort

the guy turned up with foot and hand cuffs intending to tie me up completely and tickle me, I was quite apprehensive and felt uneasy he'd brought cuffs without telling me, as the booking went forward he blagged me to allow him to cuff me and I let him tie just my hands loosely to the bed and allow myself to be tickled, it was fine at first and everytime I felt it was too much and told him to stop he stopped doing it- then one time he didnt stop tickling me when I asked him to and was laughing in a very freaky clown-like way and tbh I felt very scared and vulnerable at this point, I wasnt keen on being tied anyway and told him this and that I didnt want to continue the booking

he left and all was fine but it scared me and although its not 'sub' I really didnt feel comfortable being tied up at all and have never nor will ever offer sub services, I think like another girl said it triggered something for me and I remember at one point being terrified he might kill me! I know its stupid and that he likely wouldnt (he was quite a nice guy considering) have done but it is something that just doesnt sit right with me and I didnt feel comfortable with it, it might have been because he turned up with restraints when I didnt expect him to, but theres no way I'd do half the things I've heard girls talk about on here with regards to being tied up, whipped etc!

I dont know why I wrote this thought I'd just share as it was as close to a sub situation as I've been in and I didnt like it at all, glad your ok xxx

I'm a pro-sub and I agree with everything Roxy said. Here's my additions!

I have a maid in the house with me all the time when at work (a luxury not everyone can have I know - but she could come to my rescue if ever anything went wrong. This has never happened, so far touch wood)

Clients may only use my implements and equipment all of which I am comfortable with - safety cuffs, my canes etc.

I always use the pre-chat at the beginning, before role-play commences, to establish equality and boundaries between the client and I. I look them right in the eye, talk confidently and clearly about the money and the guidelines to the role-play. This way, they know that i'm a real person, not just a 'slave' or a 'schoolgirl' and they've only got to put ONE TOE over the line and I will snap out of role-play right back into Miss Hardarse. Haha!! (There's actually something quite dominant about being a sub in this respect!!) I rarely have to use safe words but I HAVE used them.
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