I didn't say I agreed or disagreed with SM, I said her post was not appropriate (and that would include appointing herself to speak for another poster whether she was asked to or not) and that if she thought any posts were problematic they sbould be reported.

No special treatment doesn't mean treating everybody the same because people and their situations are diverse, but if a poster feels their circumstances result in the situation they're posting about being particularly significant in a way that it wouldn't be to the rest of us it's up to them to fill us all in, not random unrelated members of the board and it's a bit optimistic that everybody be expected to instinctively know about it because no-one (including me) has read every single thing that's ever been posted here.

Once again, if a post is not appropriate report it. There are also two moderators and a fully functioning PM system which is available to everybody on this board - if in doubt, there's no shortage of options .

Ugh. What a topic. I didn't know writing things up would unleash this! 

My specific problem is uncovering the intents and motivations of a caller. I know my own internal map very well but am uncertain and unfamiliar with how I am perceived and will be treated in a new role. More educated men or men more familiar with my speciality tend to rattle on a bit which gives me more material to examine. I find it difficult dealing with men of few words who are often but not always working class. Doctors and lawyers who should know better can be similar as can professors, as many sex discrimination articles in the media reveal, which may be a small "c" conservatism or bad habits acquired at university or age or professional god complex. I need to be sure because if a situation escalates men can be especially violent to trans women and what might precipitate violence against women may result in the death of a trans woman. Whether the threat is real or not I know from history horrible things have happened and I have lived in places where the risk of male violence was high. I'm not mad keen on testing the robustness of this theory hence my attempt to understand and modify my screening and attitudes to suit if I am perceiving threats which aren't real or am overcompensating due to anxiety.

I'm not going to stamp my feet and have a go at anyone. I did expect some flack but not an avalanche. I will respect the moderation which I find especially good on this forum and is a blessed relief compared to some places on the internet. What I will say is I believe abuses of power (whether it's a professional or client) can cause a backlash and I am not being suckered into attacking people around me because this won't advance understanding and will play into the hands of abusers.

This isn't the topic I planned but otherwise useful and thank you all for your contributions.

P.S. I did draft replies which covered personal and medical issues so as to explain history and context but this is too much and I'd rather not be the subject of the topic. I'm not Donald Trump!  Yes, i complained last week in Debenhams MAC boutique that NW20 foundation was too dark and I'm NC15.  I looked two colours wearing the samples.

Basically you are trying to learn how to read enquiries, and potential clients?

Yes. I can be a bit on the thinky side because I have read lots of books and not brilliant with social contact. I can spot my own reactivity and areas of misunderstanding. I need to work through this. I'm finding it difficult to trust what men say without being wary of physical violence.

One big problem is my appearance. I lack a lot of confidence because I'm lacking the medical care I need (which I was royally abused by one doctor for asking for even when the international standards and Council of Ministers resolutions and NHS own guidelines say my asking was necessary and appropriate). My opportunities to socialise are also limited. I really desperately need my makeup (and healthcare) and safe places to socialise and my opportunities are limited. My neighbour has been a big help as far as she can and helped encourage me to get my makeup fixed and has her opinions about fashion and life skills. There's only so much this can fix though.

Sex work has been helpful but it's very limited. I have had good feedback and it helped me grow my confidence but I'm a bit stuck with going forward.

I think the first step with going forward is seeking medical/mental help.
Another is to have clearly defined boundaries. So for example if you are off on weekends, dont answer the phone.
Also, you need to be mentally stronger to work in this business. You cannot let any Tom "Dick" or Harry upset you. If I did I would have quit a thousand times over.

I need to discern whether a client has positive views and attitudes or a client has some kind of problem and will snap on me because they feel their masculinity is threatened. I have had good and bad clients one after another and similar called the other day but for different reasons. I am trying to understand if my screening is correct or not so I filter any risk before it happens and this is an additional risk which is why hate crime and discrimination law exist. Maybe I am overconcerned but I would rather not find out the hard way.

Once I hit an awkward pause during screening or feel anxious I usually know I will decline the call. Any ongoing discussion during the call is me just digging around for more information to verify my decision, or as with the second call shooting myself in the foot because my mind was clouded with the first call.

I don't relate to or like or mix with certain types of working class men unless they are holding doors open for me or fixing my gas boiler. We just don't get along and I have little to no life experience being around them. Not all are difficult. Some of my clients have been skilled working class men and totally cool. It's just the ones who aren't and they seem to be the loudest and most visible and, I'm guessing, most likely to stampede into my life in a destructive way.

Transphobic hate crimes and discrimination do exist and this is before sex discrimination and abuse so it's an additional issue I must be careful of. I could be beaten up just for walking down the street in the wrong part of town and I'm not inviting these kinds of men into my home. This is why my profile is very boring and I offer GFE and vanilla sex. All my photos are real and unaltered. I like to put more into my sex work than just sex because I'm a rounded human being not just a sex object or walking medical condition whatever men with one track minds may perceive.

I spent enough time this weekend procrastinating other things I should have been doing and too much time online fretting this topic so I'm off to have my special Sunday bath.

I agree with what others have said....also Tickle, you keep saying these things about working class men, like you don't relate to them unless they are 'holding doors open for you or fixing your boiler' - if you are giving the vibe that you think you are better than them, they will pick up on it and it will likely lead to them having a problem with you (the same as it would if a female escort projected that she felt she was better than her clients).

Have you thought about maybe having counselling to deal with some of these thoughts and feelings you have?

What helps me pick up on a client as to wether he is genuine or not is ......

The voice tone,
Manners/respect,
The way he composses himself,
If he asks anything I don't offer,
Well I will try but if he cant understand me (language barrier) then following instructions when here is slim.

I just polity ask them to phone back in ten minutes then not answer the phone block them . Other times I just say I am fully booked. If they are rude I hang up the phone. If one meets my criteria but dont want to see and feel bad for doing any of these I put my price up alot than advertised.

Stay safe there are alot of looneys about strange ones coming out in the escorting world. Who stay hidden amongst society be carful.


All the genuine clients get me at my best this is why I get regs easy.

We all learn to adapt our own version of screening with time and believe you will too. Try to seperate work and personal life it can help.

Some questions are a bit hard for a client to answer and he may stumble and go quiet because he truly doesnt know. For example, asking a client which picture he likes of you isnt really going to help with screening. I wouldn't expect a client to remember a particular photo of me. However, a handful of clients do ask if I can wear outfit Y from a certain picture.

Whenever I get a bad feeling from a caller I too simply wont see them and make an excuse that I am booked up for the rest of the day.

Yes, these last two posts are a general template I work too. I was trying to better understand the mindset of some clients who I find problematic. Some clients are very expressive once they get going and generally easy and positive. It's clients who are a bit clammed up I have a problem with. I want to discover their expectations and what they want (just so we're on the same page about what is offered and negating risks).

I'm still navigating my presentation and the whole social/emotional thing. Some clients seem a bit blunt to me and I feel thrown when an impatient guy charging in wants a cock sucking machine before zooming back out the door. I'm left a bit "Eh, what?"

I'm also a bit puzzled when I ask if there is anything they like about my profile and they say "everything". So I look for specifics and if they um and ah I ask if there is a particular photo which is a favourite which usually creates another um and ah. Then there's discussing what kind of experience they are looking for and they say "sex" or "everything" so I'm rolling my eyes and thinking "Yeah, and...?"

I feel like I have fallen out of my zone and need to review my profile (which will need a rewrite and new pcis) and review communication during screening calls. It's ok. I'm just feeling a bit wobbly because it's not as good as I know it can be and I'm getting a different mix of clients calling lately which has thrown me a bit.

P.S.Thank you for your book suggestion. I was able to obtain a copy. 

I keep it short and sweet when clients phone me. All I need to know is a booking time he wants. But quickly run through the details.

Then ask them if any other questions they would like to ask. Then to confirm an hour before.  Some times I ask which website he found me but many want to double check it is done as advertised.

My senses pick up if he has got bad intentions. Some clients just phone because they might be in a rush.

Try not too over complicate things it sounds like Tickle but recent posts are like you struggle with escorting. Some time we need to call it when enough is enough.

Because no one will do it for us. Clients could more than likely wear you down until you can't go no further emotionally.

Genuine clients like your advert hence phoning you try not to be hard with these in case they are scared away. Try to treat them like they are genuine to begin with then alter after if need be, this is what I do.

Just trying to help.