I’ve  recently just split up with my ex of 3.5 years, I started escorting just a few months before I met him. I told him about a month into the relationship that I was an escort because I thought if he really cared about me he’d stick around and I also told him we wouldn’t struggle financially. He told his best mate what I do,I wasn’t overly impressed at first but I knew it was probably good for him to have someone to talk to - his mate was supportive and said it must have been a huge thing for me to tell him, his mate is a doctor and he even gave me a ridiculous amount of condoms that he got from a sexual health conference and I trust him not to say anything.. so basically I thought I was so lucky to have found such a nice guy with nice trustworthy friends.
I took him on holidays, paid for shopping trips, we went to a lot of gigs and just had a lot of fun.. but last year, he moved in with me partly because I was getting fed up of him pretty living with me and not paying rent or bills, we went on a big trip to New York costing about £3k, he agreed to pay £600 towards it and he also hinted that he’d propose there so I was over the moon. He never did pay me that £600 and just kept coming up with excuses and worst still we went around jewellery shops in New York and I found a ring I liked which was affordable, he took the details of the store and the ring I liked so I assumed he’d go back and order it but as we were leaving the store, he asked if I’d stick it on my credit card and he’d pay me back, heard that one before!! And fuck that I ain’t paying for my own ring!! I was so angry, it ruined the whole trip and he couldn’t seem to realise why I was so snappy for the rest of the holiday.
It’s been a year now since we went to New York, still not paid me the money back, he was working less, borrowed £280 before Xmas for presents and is behind on 3 months of his share of the rent so it’s been hell arguing all the time, whilst I was touring he ended up calling his mum and told her everything, this was the last straw, he promised after telling his mate he wouldn’t tell anyone but to tell his own mum - I’m absolutely fuming.
I’ve been dying inside to tell my own mum what I do or my best friends, I just need someone to talk to but I’m scared they’d judge me but he can just go around telling whoever he wants thinking they’ll be no consequences.
He’s coming around in the next few hours to talk, it’s over for us but he’s working more and wants to live here until he’s paid me back (he’s on a mates couch at the minute) and it gives him chance to find somewhere. His name is on the lease so I’m in a difficult situation.
What do you reckon I should do?

Do not let him back in to stay with you!

Sounds like he is complacent that he can twist you into providing whatever he needs and completely takes you for granted.

This doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it just means he loves himself more, and is a selfish arrogant wanker. 99% of people who treat partners like this never change and get gradually and slowly worse over time.

As far as borrowing money etc and generally sponging off you - if this was a one off, that could be explained, but over 3 years? He can not use the excuse that 'it's not his fault he doesn't have enough money' or any variation on that, because as we all know, if you really want money, you get off your f***ing arse and find it yourself! To him, suffering the (clearly minor) embarrassment of begging his girlfriend for cash is apparently preferable to putting more work in to earn more of his own money.

And now he has decided to tell his mother, why, not because he couldn't hold it in I expect, but because he's hoping she will tell him that you must be a bad person with terrible judgement and therefore he needn't feel guilty about any of the bullshit behaviour you have rightly criticised him for here (and presumably to his face).
Funny how he kept quiet about your job while enjoying the benefits... and somehow he managed not to mention it to her just before you paid for his trip to new york, so mummy couldn't encourage him to immediately leave that escort girl and miss out on the holiday.

Makes me angry to read how he's treated you. Get rid! He could do with some time alone on that sofa for self reflection.  I'm assuming he will not be making any contributions to rent if he stays longer because of all the money he already owes you (unfortunately loans within a domestic relationship are not enforceable under civil law although they would be if you were already fully split up when you lent him the money). So because of his behaviour you clearly have no moral obligation to let him in. Legally sort of, but if he used the fact his name is on the lease to manipulate you into letting him to continue staying there then that would show he really does not have an ounce of decency or respect for your wishes. At the end of the day the relationship has broken down and the authorities would not force you to allow him back there and live in an unhealthy domestic situation, don't know exactly what the law is there but it's definitely on your side. Plenty of couples experience domestic violence and are separated so the laws protecting people experiencing that must surely cover your situation too?

Thanks girls for your replies, it’s really helped

I’ve chatted to him today briefly but making my decision tomorrow so he’s sleeping on his mates sofa again.

It’s so difficult when you care about someone but don’t want to be taken for a mug at the same time.

Men eh, who needs them?! Well apart from if they are paying you for your body

Well, for a start he's a freeloading twat, so stay firm and make sure you keep things cool and calm. Just say you want to sort out the lease ASAP, and that's that (whichever solution is best).

Yes it's just too messy, and he's not trustable. You don't need this complication get it sorted and get on with your life.